Ram Dass in his book "Miracle of Love - Stories about Neem Karoli Baba", a Dutton Paperback, 1979, says that the guru is an alliance of human and the divine. This is one man who is very clear of his vision of a guru and knew how to draw the line. He says of his guru, "He did what was necessary to quiet the mind and open the heart so that the thirst that had drawn us all to him could be slaked."
Ram Dass speaks about his guru in his "physical absence".
On September 11, 1973, he died, or, as the Indians would say, he left his body. In the succeeding years, I have found that the absence of his body has not diminished his influence upon my life. This suggested the possibility that others who had never “met” him in the body could similarly be touched by him. This suspicion has been confirmed by a surprisingly large number of people who have re-ported that through books, lectures, tapes, and personal contact with devotees, they have experienced him in a way that has graced their lives.
Those of us who were with Maharajji meet again frequently in India or in the West. The conversation invariably turns to recollections of him. Story after story pours forth, and each story is punctuated with silence, laughter, or expostulations as we savor its depth and elegance. In those moments the space becomes rich with the living spirit and we know that he is among us.
My relationship with Tavayogi that began in 2005 too was very professional all the years we knew each other, he being the guru and me a student, I think, for he never claimed any of us as his disciples. It was only in 2016 when he was addressing a small group of us in the confines of the home of a wonderful elderly couple, Balachander Aiya and Shanti Amma's home that he spoke of me as a disciple who knew how to respect and praise the guru. I was blessed to hear those words come out from his lips, an accreditation from a guru that a student has qualified himself to become a disciple. I remember he had said that the guru shall test the student for 12 long years before parting with him any of his knowledge. I had earned his recognition in my 11th year.
I learned how a student should relate to his master from my first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai who himself had 5 gurus over time. I learned by observing him speak about his gurus especially Yogi Ramsuratkumar and the many moments with him. I saw the love and respect he had for his guru. I saw how he took the advice of his guru in all matters. He lost himself to his guru. His guru moved in him, hence he and the Yogi became one in those instances.
Although both my gurus have shed their mortal frame they live in our homes, our thoughts, and our hearts. There is never a day where we do not speak about them or mention them in reference and reverence. Many came to Tavayogi's ashram in Kallar after reading his story or rather our story online. One of them was Jnana Jhotiamma. She came, she saw and was conquered by the compassion shown by both Tavayogi and Agathiyar. She changed her whole life around 360 degrees and began to visit all the abodes of Agathiyar and only spoke about him and his Lila and miracles. A journey that began in 2011 upon her first visit to Kallar ended abruptly in 2016. But it was packed with so many stories of the divine and his intervention in her life. I had written a biography of hers based on the many emails she sent, the hours we spoke on Skype, and the video and audios she shared. But as her life took a sudden turn and Agathiyar took her back, I hesitate to release it. She shall stay in our memories for years to come.
We too share many recollections of our masters who have begun to take center stage in our lives. They have become the idol of our lives. The environment is charged in these moments where we run through their stories. If Tavayogi was well known as a guru in the Siddha circle, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai was only known as an astrologer to those who sought him out. I too came to him on the pretext of having my daughter's horoscope charted. He tuned out to be the guru Agathiyar had indicated. There is not much I knew of him except for the much treasured moments I spent with him some 5 hours in 2003 where he spoke briefly about his gurus. Later in 2005, his family filled me up with the missing pieces of his live before I came to him.
Supramania Swami, Tavayogi and Agathiyar are akin to the Trimurthis in my life. The cosmic functions of creation, maintenance, and destruction are personified in a lesser form as this triad of gurus, Supramania Swami, the creator, Tavayogi, the destroyer, and Agathiyar the preserver. If prior to meeting him, I had dwelled in Sariyai carried on from our ancestors and taught and shown by my parents, Supramania Swami led me into a new and alien concept that of paying homage and respect to another man, a man who has transformed himself into his divine self, as Ram Dass said, "an alliance of human and the divine". Tavayogi came to break all the norms and believes that I carried with me. Agathiyar brought me to have faith in him that sustains us to this day. Agathiyar walked alongside me for some distance and then decided to step onto my path in 2002 in the form of a Nadi reading. As he stood before me in the Nadi I had nowhere to go except grab him. I never let him go after that. He too never left me out of his sight. Just as Ram Dass quotes, "A moment with the Beloved And the river changes its course", my gurus were instrumental in bringing numerous changes in me. The moment the guru waded the waters the river changed its course. I could change my ways too because I listened. If I had resisted it would not have happened.
Ram Dass describes the fist visit to Neem Karoli Baba and how the saint exposed him.
“You were out under the stars last night. You were thinking about your mother. She got very big in the stomach before she died. Spleen, she died of spleen.”
My mind began to race faster and faster to try to get leverage - to get a hold on what he had just done. I went through every super - CIA paranoia I'd ever had: “Who is he? Who does he represent? Where’s the button he pushes to make the file appear? Why have they brought me here?" None of it would jell. It was just too impossible that this could have happened this way. My traveling companion didn't know about any of the things Maharajji was saying, and I was a tourist in a car. The whole thing was just inexplicable. My mind went faster and faster, My mind just gave up. It burned out its circuitry, its zeal to have an explanation. At the same moment I felt this extremely violent pain in my chest and a tremendous wrenching feeling, and I started to cry. I cried and cried and cried, but I was neither happy nor sad. It was a kind of crying I had not experienced before. The only thing I could say about it was it felt as if I had finished something. The journey was over. I had come home.
This was my state too when I first sat before the Nadi and had by life exposed in those pages. Agathiyar called me to his path. I had come home to one who knew me. The next time it was at Supramania Swami's village home where he exposed me again. Borrowing Ram Dass's words, "My traveling companion didn't know about any of the things Maharajji was saying, and I was a tourist in a car", I too was a traveling tourist chauffeured by the Swami's relative Deva. He could not possibly know for I had never shared anything personal with Deva. He only knew that I was there on a pilgrimage of several specific temples listed by Agathiyar in the Nadi where I had to do certain prayers to appease the stars and relieve my past karma. I sat with him, oblivious of the passing hours, till the day was stole by night and we saw the light diminish into darkness. I spent 5 hours with him, crying throughout the time, for the blessings the divine bestowed on me. Over the years when we begin to realize that nothing escapes them we tend to feel very naked. He knows all. He sees all. So why are we pushing ourselves so hard trying to put on a show?
If initially, we all went seeking him, these days he seeks us out. As Ram Dass wrote, "In the words of Dada, “We all think we are chasing the guru, but really, you see, he is chasing us", we see him literally chasing us to perform now telling us that the honeymoon days are over and that we have had enough of talk and listening to talks and speeches. He is asking us to put into action and put into practice his directives, given as updates on a regular basis. Believe brings you to seek. Miracles are show openers and only happen till you begin to have faith either on the guru or his path. Agathiyar has moved us from showing miracles to giving us experiences. We are always taught to seek the results, never told to concentrate on the process. Here Agathiyar never reveals the target nor the results but gives us assignments to carry out diligently. In the event, we fail or flop he tells us that there are no failures - only experiences to be gained. When Tavayogi repeated the same speeches that of asking all to come to the path, at all events I asked him the reason for not moving on. He replied with another question, "Are you following what I said this far?", referring to the people whom he addressed. We followed his directives and those of Agathiyar. Agathiyar then took us speedily through all the parts of the journey, Sariyai, Kriyai, and has brought us to the fifth anga of Yogam now. We await eagerly his next assignment.