It has been some days since I wrote my last post. I am practically living alone these days. In those hours of loneliness, I have only my thoughts accompany me. Memories of the past drop in and visit me at times. Then a sudden unfounded fear grips me and I begin to pace the floor of my home. This sudden unknown fear comes on so intense that I lose sleep. I am awake in these hours facing my own fears. There is no one I can call up and hold a conversation in these wee hours of the night and early mornings. Facing the fear of the unknown is death. I'm going through this phase. Just as losing a limb, an eye, or hearing, etc scares the the wits out of me, in these moments of silence I am left only with my Self, breath, thoughts, and memory. I come face to face with existence without the superficialities of life and living. Agathiyar took ownership of all the doings creating events that sparked the perfect scenario and space for me to be alone. I wonder how he chose me to go through this transformation towards losing the body and engaging with the soul, knowing pretty much that I was a scaredy-cat? He came earlier and questioned me on these fears telling me that death was but another door to another journey.
