Many things that Tavayogi and Agathiyar said only make sense now after we arrive at that moment of experiencing it. Agathiyar is putting me through the final test now. Agathiyar who told me to put aside my desire to depart for now, said that I had a purpose and that he was preparing me for it. To another question about what I should do now, he said that I should do nothing. He asked that I accept all the trials and tribulations that would come my way and keep my peace and calm. This I saw coming, right from having to tolerate the noisy neighbors in the wake of Agathiyar having me under house arrest, to trying my very best not to lose my anger at the stupidity shown by some when he ended my seclusion and asked me to go back into the society. He told me that this itself was a test and a practice for the moment. All those who were dear and close to us have avoided us too. Or is this his will and his play too, just as he had brought the shutters down on puja and charity, to give me the time and space to be with myself?
Just as there is trash strewn, thrown, and dumped around us, we find them on the net and to our surprise in space too. If authors of published books, newspaper agencies, and news channels are accountable for what is written or aired and are careful to verify before releasing, netizens, the general public, and the man on the street seem to get carried away and forward or share them the very next instance without validating the facts. As there are those believers, like me to whom you could sell practically any ware that carries Agathiyar's brand and I will buy it, Agathiyar pointed out this weakness to me and asked me to be careful. Then others would set out to investigate and only when they are satisfied would they begin. When I pointed out to the attendees who joined my home Pornami puja that Agathiyar upon his arrival, in the bronze statue opened his eyes just like Tavayogi pointed out to me when Agathiyar opened his eyes in the granite statue of his at Agasthiyampalli, each of them began to view him up close and from all angles and came up with opposing accreditation.
Are Agathiyar and the Gods, the Nadi, and their predictions all for real? If this world is Maya, aren't these part and parcel of it? What if this too was a game? In wanting me to realize the hold of Maya on all things, he sent me to a Nadi reader, The reader kept stressing multiple times his opinion that the Siddhas would only come through the Nadi and that all other ways, forms, and means of communicating as, in his words, was Satan speaking. It surprised me coming from the reader. But I never took his opinion seriously and brushed it aside. As Ramalinga Adigal sang only God knew his bliss, the one who tasted the honey knows it is sweet. If it was Satan who spoke to us all these while, why would he send me to the Nadi reader and have me hear this out and have him expose it? A thief would not send me to the police station to verify his character. Just as a thief, if it was Satan surely he would not expose himself. He would surely pour me more whisky to keep me intoxicated and drunk forever.
Could this all be a hallucination asked a psychologist? He had followed my blog and rushed to meet me at a temple knowing that I would be there to join others to celebrate Agathiyar Vizha. He walked right up to me and popped the question.
Speaking with my wife, she shared her observation that Agathiyar, coming through his devotees, never spoke about Karma to all those he saw at AVM. I agreed with her. He would heal and advice, give certain practices, and send them off. To those who ignored his advice, Agathiyar has only this to say 'Let it happen as fated", in other words, let Karma work out its course and let fate take its course. But never has he told us in the face that that is the reason for our being here and our sufferings. The only times he touched on it was in the general canto of the Nadi revelations and after giving remedies never revisited them again and moved on to living a life. Tavayogi too only spoke about it when people came forward to know the reason for their endless troubles. If we let Karma blur our vision, we cannot live a peaceful life. If we carry the burden of knowing our past Karma we cannot live a fruitful life. It is sufficient that we know Karma plays a part in our lives and let it be and move on.
The gurus we took as role models after reading their books and biographies have let us down, making headlines for all the wrong reasons, in their later lives. Promising disciples who served their masters with distinction, when they took over the portfolio of a guru, became slaves to sex, ego, lies, and drugs too. I have always wondered why the patron guru did not look into the future of their disciple and see it coming. My very first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai looked into the past, present, and future and downloaded all that he saw to me in the 5 hours I spent with him on my first visit. Tavayogi said one shall be tested for 12 years before the guru would part his knowledge. Just as some in public office misuse their power and authority these gurus prey on the innocence, obedience, and surrender of their disciples and end up embroiled in rape and other misconduct. I guess this is the age of tearing the false masks of gurus. I'm glad I did not fall for the fake. This too is his play. I guess that is the reason Agathiyar wants me not to let my guard down and my pants too. I understand now why Agathiyar came out to say that my two gurus were indeed true gurus in all manner. I guess that is the reason Agathiyar retracted his offer to make me a guru, fearing I shall be enticed and fall for it. The churning of the ocean in 2022 to collect the ambrosia hidden in its depths by the Devas and the Asuras has brought forth poison in me too. Just as he consumed the poison as told in the Puranas only Lord Siva's grace can save me. Just as he dived into the ocean and returned the pot of Amirtha to the realm of the Devas, only Dhanvantri's grace can bring me to savor the ambrosia.
Frank J. Alexander in his "In the Hours of Meditation", Advaita Ashrama, Calcutta, writes that "He will make me struggle with them (doubt and temptation) in order to reveal my true strength and my own powers to myself. And how shall a man know his true self and his powers until he has tested himself?"