I had no ambition or lofty goals. I wasn't a high achiever, though I studied and participated in sports and every event that came up at school and college. I was the usual average student at school. Neither was I outstanding at work. But I was happy throughout my days as a kid, teen, and young adult. I was pretty satisfied with what I had and was given. I had a career and a family, a car to move around, and a roof over my head; all that fell into my lap. I had no plans. I had no big dreams. I just did what every other person did. But someone up there was counting the days until he could bring me to do his work and eventually come into his fold. I guess he knew that only someone satisfied with his life could sacrifice the rest of his life to doing his work. I seemed to be the right candidate. Having my nephew come over to my home at 4 pm on a Saturday afternoon on the 6th of October 2001, he knocked on my door, bringing me the life-changing mantra. My nephew carried a message from his Paramaguru Gopal Pillai that he was asked to deliver to me. I did not know Gopal Pillai, who had gone into Samadhi earlier. Neither was the source of the message revealed to me back then. I was just told to follow. I was given the Vasudeva Mantra to recite and a painting of Lord Dhakshanamurthy to worship. I was told that it would pave the way to meet my guru. I did as told. Soon I learned that the mantra pierces or unties the Vishnu Granthi, or knot, an obstacle to receiving all good things from our efforts. Prior to this day, as a bachelor, I had picked up Yoga from the books. I read extensively, purchasing books on customs, tradition, and religion for want of answers to the many practices that we follow without understanding. All these books pointed out to God as loving, kind and compassionate. But it was otherwise on the ground when I bore witness to sufferings and tragedies that others went through right before my eyes. I questioned if God was indeed as portrayed, and this turned into anger towards him. In a timely manner, Lord Shiva came in a dream in 1988 and told me to keep in view and shelve all doubts and questions for another day.
In the nineties, as I frequented Dr. Krishan, an astrologer, I asked if predictions had ever failed to materialize. He replied that, if we had curses hanging over our heads. Asking him to look into my charts and see if I was cursed, he told me that only the Siddhas could reveal that through the Nadi palm reading. This too was kept in view, as I knew no Nadi reader then, nor did he show me to one.
The day that Lord Shiva meant came when I read the Nadi in 2002, when a new colleague joined me at my place of work and shared his story of reading his Nadi in 2000. This excited me, and he arranged for me to read mine. I came to know that indeed I was cursed in a past birth. I came to know why others suffered when Agathiyar opened up my bag of worms from the past baggage of Karma that I carried around. The rest is history.
It is all like a dream. Yes, dreams kept unfolding the moment I went with the flow. I never laid obstacles on the path shown, but bulldozed through them. I had no reservations, nor did I delay the execution of tasks given to me. And so the Siddhas came continuously to guide me further. If I was a free bird back then, the Siddhas equally gave me freedom to explore and experiment, going by doing the numerous tasks that they gave me.
Looking back now, I understand that apparently all the setbacks and disappointment, if any, worked in my favor; even the curses. Life was smooth sailing for me. Though these winds blew strongly against me, it did not deter me from carrying out his tasks. It can only mean that there was a mysterious hidden hand protecting me and guiding me with my choices. I recall how the Chinese gods asked my parents to give me up for adoption to them as they stood pleading that they save my life as a toddler. Then, many years later, Agathiyar came to claim me, telling me that we had known each other for crores of years.
Today I have come to believe that there are parallel worlds out there beyond our vision, where another Shanmugam Avadaiyappa is walking another path, for the choices were aplenty, hence opening up numerous possibilities in life. This life is one that was chosen for me, or rather, my soul chose to live out and experience.
Agathiyar came into my life to remind me of the connection. He introduced me to Mr Segaran, who was leaving the service to become a monk in Paramahansa Yogananda's Ranchi Ashram. He passed me Yogananda's "Autobiography of a Yogi" that introduced me to gurus on paper. Agathiyar then sent me to Supramania Swami, where I personally came to know about his five gurus and their magnificence from him. Agathiyar then sent me to Tavayogi, where I came to know Agathiyar and the Siddhas. Tavayogi introduced me to rituals, asking me to take them up personally. Agathiyar came in the Nadi, asking me to continue for the good of all of his creation. Armed with the tool of Pranayama that Tavayogi gave me, I did not realize the changes taking place within until Agathiyar came to explain why I was in pain. The Kundalini arose, and Agathiyar saw to it that I was kept away from danger. The practice that Tavayogi gave, in opening the Muladhara, had the Kundalini travel the Chakras, bringing me to know what Gnanam was, as Agathiyar had foretold. After having my home turn into his garden, or Vanam, in 2013, and eventually, after giving me the experiences and learning, he brought the shutters down on all Puja and charity in 2019. Then he told me to know the soul, or Atma, and to know Sivam, not before asking me to even drop my hold, first his statue and later him. Today he has taken me into his fold, or Tirukootam.
If I wanted to provide the critics, who carried the notion that Siddhas break up marriages, wrong when I came to the path, so did Agathiyar plan my life accordingly, having me be an example to others. As it is said that the Siddhas foresaw the dawn of an age where marriages are likened to homes made of river sand that collapse easily at the very first wave that strikes them, I guess he has me break that bleak and gloomy vision. In the absence of home Puja and temple visits in the eighties for some 14 years, he had me look towards my career and family. He had me marry and raise a family. He had me betroth my daughter in 2016 and run after my three grandchildren. In the absence of Puja and charity in the 2000s, he had me go within. When he had me come out of home confinement and solitude, he had my children arranged for my 60th wedding and came personally to carry it out through a devotee during Guru Purnima of 2024. Then he left our home briefly for the home of another devotee before returning, holding the hand of Lobama. He had us carry out his wedding to Lobama in 2025, with him personally guiding me again through a devotee.
It was all new to me but pretty exciting. It is truly mind-boggling and amazing to be a witness to all that has taken place in this tiny home of mine over the years. I often wondered why he chose us and our home to carry out his Lilas or play. But we are delighted and grateful. It was all fun and fair till this day, by his grace, the grace of the Siddhas and my gurus.
Agathiyar gave me a taste of life from their perspective too, and a touch and taste of it. I stepped into this world momentarily at Palani in 2003. It was entirely different from what I saw in my later trips in 2005 and later in 2016.
If I thank my parents for bringing me into this world, I thank Agathiyar and my gurus from my heart for bringing me into this world and, eventually, for delivering me.
I thank my parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, devotees, the AVM family, readers of this blog, and followers of my YouTube channel too.
A devotee wrote the following regarding how this blog has helped her.
I wanted to direct movies after being a Tamil movie buff during my school days. But I dropped the idea later. Then, when Tavayogi came by, I put together a video and played it to him, gaining praise from him. He was my star then. Today I have put together my story. It is in the making. I shall post it once it's done.