PRAPANJAM'S CHILD

When we leave everything to the will of God we become its child, just as a child in the care of the parents leaves everything to them. The Prapanjam takes care then. Now I understand how a couple brought food that was steaming hot to the exhausted and hungry Tavayogi during his rounds as a mendicant. Now I understand how the divine came as Ramalinga Adigal's sister bringing food to the exhausted saint. As Bharathi sang, rather than do something that I desired and regret it later, I gain satisfaction in doing his work, when the "I" is dropped and we leave everything to the will of God, the Atma in us takes charge and works towards our betterment and advancement.

தன்செய லெண்ணித் தவிப்பது தீர்ந்திங்கு

நின்செயல் செய்து நிறைவு பெறும்வண்ணம்

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன், கண்ணம்மா

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

The moment the "I" crops up in any situation the Atma that knows best is shelved to the back of the stage. The "I" becomes the star and ruins the show. If the "I "is subdued the Atma runs the show and stages it well in unison with the divine play or Lila. When we without any knowledge interfere in this play the divine script is altered. The play is ruined. 

I saw the movie "Vinodhaya Sitham" last night. What a timely disclosure. Mahin had recommended that I see it. Indeed we could relate to the movie very well. I could relate this movie to the wishes of a devotee who wanted Agathiyar to extend his mother's lifespan - a second time - so that he can do more and all that he had desired for her. We lament that we have so much unfinished business and things to do. Kala or the timekeeper in listening to the plea of the "I" of a very busy family man whom he had picked up after a road accident, decides to let him return. Giving him an extension of 3 months to settle all the outstanding chores, desires, etc,  Kala takes a physical form and follows him everywhere he goes. At times he prompts him to consider his decision. At other times he apprehends him. I personally saw myself as the lead character and Agathiyar as Kala. Mahin too did mention the similarity between Agathiyar and Kala where Agathiyar follows us like a shadow and apprehends or instigates us to make the right move at the right moment. Finally at the end of his extended time Kala brings the man with him to heaven. That was a tearful but joyful moment.

As we surrendered to Agathiyar he came to assure us of his continued presence and protection. When we surrender and drive the "I" out, the Atma in us takes charge henceforth. The Atma in turn brings in the Prapanjam to aid us in our daily lives. The Prapanjam heals us. When I hurt my back for the 4th time in 10 years, I told Agathiyar that he should come as the Prapanjam to heal me. I did not want to seek help from anyone no more as I told him that would look bad on him. What if someone was to ridicule me telling me why come to him when I have Agathiyar? So I decided that henceforth I am leaving everything to him. Since I had asked the Prapanjam to heal me, I immediately reached out to the Prapanjam just like how Ramalinga Adigal had taught us earlier and went to bed. At 1am in the morning as I woke up to go to the loo, I realized the pain was gone. I felt better. The extreme and excruciating pain that crippled me earlier was bearable now and I was mobile, free to move, and could drive around. Now I understand why Lord Murugan kept asking us if we had surrendered? 

When I surrendered my "I" to Agathiyar he brought the Prapanjam into play. The Prapanjam travels before us and awaits us to carry out the commands of the Atma. Later Agathiyar came and explained the reason it happened. If I thought my sudden move to catch my 1 1/2-year-old second granddaughter from falling off a stool had triggered the pull in my lower back, Agathiyar explained otherwise. He said that I was going through pain and discomfort in the body as a result of the ongoing cleansing process within where toxins were being discharged, expelled, and removed from my body. As these toxins are removed the chakras shall gain purity. Since I had asked that the Prapanjam heal me it did. He said the power of these Prapanjam was immense. He asked me to drop the fear. He was in us as the Atma. 

சண்முக, உனக்குக் கழிவுகள் அகன்று வருவதனாலே உடல் உபாதைகள் வரும். கழிவுகள் அகன்று போகவே உனது சக்கரங்கள் தூய்மை பெரும். சக்கரத்தின் சுத்திகரிப்பு நடக்கிறது மகனே. பொறுத்து கொள்வாயாக. இனியும் உன்னிடம் சாக்கு போக்கு சொல்ல எனக்கு விரும்பும் இல்லை. நீ துவந்து உக்காராமல் யாம் பார்த்துளோவோம். 

நீயும் பிரபஞ்சத்தை அழைத்துச் சுத்தம் செய்யச் சொன்னாய். இந்தப் பிரபஞ்ச சக்தி என்னில் அடங்காதவை. அவைகளை நீ உணரும் தருவாயில் இருக்கிறாய். எஞ்சி இருக்கும் அச்சத்தை நிறுத்தி விடு. உன்னில் யாமே இருக்கிறோம். 

Agathiyar hinted that we shall gain knowledge about the Atma henceforth since we had covered the teachings on the Udal and Uyir earlier. When Agathiyar asked that I teach others about the Atma, I asked him if I was qualified for it? When I had struggled to learn about the Udal, Uyir, and Atma, he gave us the revelation through his memo. I guess that was sufficient knowledge for a start. He asked that I bring the seeking that I had about the Atma to others too. True when I threw the question "What is the difference between soul n spirit, uyir n atma, aavi as in udal porul aavi?" it had started an inquiry in several others too.

உடலையும் உயிரையும் கற்பதை தாண்டி ஆன்மஞானமே உனக்குப் போதிக்கப்படும். இனி இங்கு ஆத்ம ஞானம் மட்டுமே நடக்கும். பின்னிருப்போர் உந்தி தள்ளிக் கொண்டுவா. மாதத்திற்கு ஒரு முறை எமது பக்தர்களுக்கு அழைப்பிடு. ஆன்மஞானத்தை அறிய விரும்புவோருக்கு கற்பித்து வா. உன்னில் இருக்கும் ஆன்மாவின் தேடலை மற்றவர்களுக்கும் வரச்செய். அவர் அவர் எண்ணம்போல் உமது போதனை அவர்களை அடையும். போதிப்பது மட்டுமே உனது கடமை பலன் அவர்களுடையது. 

Agathiyar surprised us when he said that he wanted to meet his children. It is exactly two years now since he dissolved the WhatsApp group AVM and Amudha Surabhi. It was about the same time several weeks before Deepavali of 2019 that he had me push the button and destroy everything that we had painstakingly developed over time beginning from 2013 when the young seekers came into the fold. He had us drop all the rituals that began as early as 2002 too except to hold his Vizha or fest once a year.  We understood why he did that as he had to teach us about the dangers of attachment. Asking to see them now, he laments that his devotees have a passion for him alone and not towards the practice he had given. But the most compassionate father did not let that come in between his relationship with his children. He was ready to see them again despite their reluctance to follow the practices. They shall eventually come around to do it he added.

எமது மக்களை யாம் விரைவில் காண விரும்புகிறேன். அழைய்யப்ப. என்மீது ஆசை கொண்டு மக்கள் தயங்கி இருக்கிறார்கள். நீ அழைத்தவண்ணம் விரைந்து வருவார்கள். ஆனால் அவர்கள் என்மீது மட்டுமே ஆசை கொண்டு இருப்பதுதான் எமக்கு வருத்தம். நான் கூறிய பயிற்சிகளைச் செய்யாமல் இருப்பதுதான் எனது வருத்தம். பரவாயில்லை. காலம் கனியும்போது அவர்கள் வருவார்கள்.

Agathiyar is progressively trying to bring us from Sariyai and Kriyai into Yogam and Gnanam. But most seekers settle and prefer to remain as devotees forever. Indeed they still see him as a Siddha and God and do not want to become a Siddha themselves. They come to him when in fear or in trouble or when they suffer or are in misery. Hearing out Agathiyar they leave to continue their previous lifestyle. They turn up when trouble boils over again. I have seen my fair share of such seekers. Very few stand by Agathiyar.  

Anantha Nageswaran in his blog https://jeevatma.wordpress.com/, speaks about "Maslow’s hierarchy". Referring to the same song of Bharathi he writes,

What Bharati does here is to show us ‘Maslow’s hierarchy of our prayers to divinity. First, we pray out of greed. Then, we pray out of fear. Then, we realize that it is all our ego that leads to both greed and fear and prayers to fulfill one and alleviate another. We realize the futility of thinking that it is our action. Then, we realize that we do HER bidding; we go with the flow. Then, there is no suffering; sorrow; weariness, and defeat; Then, we practice love and morality and spread both; Then, Devi it is up to you to entrench the good and extinguish the bad because I just do not know what is good and what is bad; Implicit is the message in these last lines: ‘I surrender to THEE’. So, the song is the evolution of our prayers – or how they ought to evolve.

I looked up the theory by Abraham Maslow and found it to be interesting and pertaining to what we observe around us currently. https://www.thoughtco.com/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-4582571. He says man has several needs: physiological needs, need and assurance of safety, need for love, esteem, and self-actualization. Of the above five, physiological needs and safety is the topmost priority in man.

If someone is lacking in more than one need, they’re likely to try to meet these physiological needs first. For example, if someone is extremely hungry, it’s hard to focus on anything else besides food. Another example of a physiological need would be the need for adequate sleep.

From his immediate self and life, his wings branch out now. Man needs to feel loved and accepted.

This need includes both romantic relationships as well as ties to friends and family members. It also includes our need to feel that we belong to a social group.

Man generally needs esteem and needs to be valued.

The first involves feeling self-confidence and feeling good about oneself. The second component involves feeling valued by others; that is, feeling that our achievements and contributions have been recognized by other people. When people’s esteem needs are met, they feel confident and see their contributions and achievements as valuable and important. 

Finally, he wants to live his fullest.

In this theory, higher needs in the hierarchy begin to emerge when people feel they have sufficiently satisfied the previous need. According to Maslow, when a lower need is met, the next need on the hierarchy becomes our focus of attention. 

Self-actualization refers to feeling fulfilled, or feeling that we are living up to our potential. Essentially, self-actualization means feeling that we are doing what we believe we are meant to do. According to Maslow, achieving self-actualization is relatively rare,..

Maslow pointed out that one behavior might meet two or more needs. For example, sharing a meal with someone meets the physiological need for food, but it might also meet the need of belonging. Similarly, working as a paid caregiver would provide someone with income (which allows them to pay for food and shelter), but can also provide them a sense of social connection and fulfillment.

Psychologists Carol Ryff and Burton Singer drew on Maslow’s theories when developing their theory of eudaimonic well-being. According to Ryff and Singer, eudaimonic well-being refers to feeling purpose and meaning—which is similar to Maslow’s idea of self-actualization.

Here we recall Agathiyar's 5 tenets for man that similarly runs parallel to Maslow's theory. 

In this journey, we rarely come across seekers and devotees who come to Agathiyar just for his sake. These few love Agathiyar so much. Moments ago I was speaking to a devotee. The couple continues to perform abhisegam and puja to Agathiyar and Lord Murugan in the form of bronze statues in their home on full moon days. She shares the view that Agathiyar goes ahead of us and mends the problem before it even becomes one. Indeed when my neighbor passed me the letters that he had helped pick up from my mailbox and kept with him in my absence, I asked my second daughter if I should open the one from her university. On reading its content I became worried for she had missed the date that she was called to update her status. The snail mail indeed was slow. The letter dated 6 September was stamped and posted only on the 23rd. In my absence, my neighbor kept it with him and passed it to me yesterday. I stood before Agathiyar asking him to look into the matter. I was relieved when my daughter told me she had already replied to an email carrying the same content earlier. Mahin said the same too. Agathiyar settles all there is in our daily lives so that we could focus on his work. Indeed as long as we are going to work tirelessly on our needs, he shall step back and only watch.

Agathiyar gave us a reminder to buck up, to catch up with time that was moving fast. He gives us the motivation to keep moving. Agathiyar gave us the boost that we all needed through his memo. He says time and tide do not wait for a man. Make a decision on time and stick to it. Walk the journey you decided. Our decision is that of the Atma. That decision belongs to the Atma. That Atma belongs to him. He asked that we fear not and walk his path. When we were in charge we had to face the consequences of our thoughts and actions. But after surrendering to him, it is his thoughts and actions that we bring to life. Hence he takes responsibility for them relieving us of the guilt and blame. 

காலம் உங்களை நிறுத்தி விடாது. புரண்டு ஓடும் காலத்தில் நிலையாய் ஒரு முடிவினை எடுத்து அதன் பின் செல்லுங்கள். உங்களுடைய முடிவு உங்களின் ஆன்மாவையே சார்ந்தது. அந்த ஆன்மா என்னையே சார்ந்தது. யாருக்கும் எவருக்கும் பயமின்றி என் வழியில் வாருங்கள்.

He tells us to cherish the human birth given. He goes on to tell us that we were not given this birth to live a mundane human life. We can only rid the karma that we had gathered throughout the numerous births by taking a human birth. We can never be assured that we shall take another human birth. Hence having taken one we are asked to fulfill its purpose that of achieving Atma Vidutalai or release.

மனித பிறவி என்பது அபூர்வமானது. அது கிடைத்தது உங்களின் மனித வாழ்க்கையை வாழ்வதற்கு அல்ல. கோடானகோடி பிறவியில் நீங்கள் செய்த கர்மவினை மனிதபிறவி எடுக்கும்போது மட்டுமே கழிக்க முடியும். இப்பிறவியில் மனிதானாய் பிறந்தவன் மற்றொரு பிறவியில் மனிதனாய் பிறப்பான் என்பது ஊர்ஜிதமல்ல. எடுத்தபோதே அதனை நிறைவேற்றிக்கொள்ளுங்கள். ஆன்ம விடுதலை நோக்கிச் செல்லுங்கள்.

Tavayogi always laments that people stand before him telling him that they were going through undue suffering. Upon hearing them out, he turns to me and tells me that these are not sufferings but mere problems. Problems can be solved by putting your mind to it. Use the Arivu he says. Agathiyar too says the same. To those who have given up on life, Agathiyar reminds them of the invincible strength of man. That strength Agathiyar says is the Arivu. The ability to think clearly can bring down walls. Never submit to failure. At times I ask myself if Agathiyar had walked the ground and the rounds as Tavayogi seeing the similarity in thought and their messages.

ஈசனால் படைக்கப் பட்ட மனிதனுக்கு ஆற்றலாய் அறிவு இருக்கிறது. யாம் அதை எப்போதுமே ஆற்றல் என்று கூறுவோம். மனிதனின் ஆற்றலைக் கொண்டு எதையும் சாதிக்கலாம். துவண்டு பொய் அமர வேண்டாம். இவ்விடத்தில் ஒரு முடிவு செய்து விட்டால் அதனோடு பயனின்கள். தளர்ந்த்தால் குழப்பம் மட்டுமே மிஞ்சும். 

In closing, he asked that we carry out the Yoga practices. யோக பயற்சியினை மேற்கொண்டு வாருங்கள்.

Mahakavi Bharathiyar too expounds the same faith and surrender that is needed if the divine is to help us. As long as we are in charge the divine will remain as a painting and picture, and a statue. When we move away, when we move the "I" to allow the divine in we shall see it do wonders that the "I" possibly could not do.

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன், கண்ணம்மா,  நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன், கண்ணம்மா,  நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

பொன்னை, உயர்வை, புகழை விரும்பிடும்

என்னை கவலைகள் தின்ன தகாதென்று

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன், கண்ணம்மா, நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

மிடிமையும் அச்சமும் மேவி என் நெஞ்சில்

குடிமை புகுந்தன, கொன்றவை போக்கென்று

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன், கண்ணம்மா, நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

தன் செயல் எண்ணித் தவிப்பது தீர்ந்திங்கு

நின் செயல் செய்து நிறைவு பெறும் வண்ணம்

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன், கண்ணம்மா, நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

துன்பம் இனி இல்லை, சோர்வில்லை

சோர்வில்லை, தோற்ப்பில்லை

நல்லது தீயது நாமறியோம்

நாமறியோம், நாமறியோம்

அன்பு நெறியில் அறங்கள் வளர்த்திட

நல்லது நாட்டுக, தீமையை ஓட்டுக

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன், கண்ணம்மா, நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன், கண்ணம்மா, நின்னை சரணடைந்தேன்

Udal, Uyir & Atma

THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE DIVINE HAND

After Agathiyar revealed about the Udal, Uyir, and Atma through his memo to us, I see his divine hand in all the happenings in my life. I have come to understand what he told me in all the fifty-plus Nadi readings and his spoken words, and all that Tavayogi said in passing.

The Atma that hovered and shadowed me right from the start of life in my mother's womb, hid behind the veil once I learned that I could make decisions on my own and when I began to exhibit the opposites, likes and dislikes, attachment and detachment, joy and sadness, calm and anger, and all the multitude of other emotions. The Atma stood watch over me never interfering as I grew up from being a kid to a teen and a young adult. Making no sense of all the prayers, readings, and discussions over it that could not bring me any closer to explain why God was cruel to some, Lord Shiva came in a dream to push me to take a break from all forms of worship and reading that I undertook as a bachelor back then between the years 1980 until 1988. The Atma stood back and watched as I plowed through life further, fully living for the self now, the "I". The Atma stood and watched behind the veil as karma dealt blows on me in the form of disappointments, failures, obstacles, delays, etc. But the Atma waited patiently for the day when my "I" dropped. The Atma returned to advise me after 14 years when I lost my "I" that instant when I obeyed the commandments of the divine that came in a mysterious way. My nephew brought the message which I came to know years later was from Agathiyar. The Atma which belonged to Agathiyar came to take possession or தடுத்து ஆட்கொண்டது after the long separation. Agathiyar brought me the Vasudeva mantra that magically cleared the way for better things. The Atma came to save me and lead me on a path - that of the Siddhas. Agathiyar who was in me all the while from the beginning of my life and even in former lives came back as the Atma and kindled my interest in seeing the Nadi. Through the Nadi he had me finish my rounds of parikaram or remedies for my past karma that stood before me depriving me of the benefits of my previous home puja, and my yoga practices. I had taken on more karma both good and bad, as I plowed through life fulfilling my wishes and desires and giving in to my wants. After mentioning my past karma and the remedies in a Nadi reading, Agathiyar asked that I worship the Siddhas besides the Gods and Goddesses whom I had followed since I remember. A new era in my worship began. Upon fulfilling the remedies and atoning for my past actions, Agathiyar forgave me for all my wrongdoings. 

Once the score was settled and we broke even, Agathiyar introduced me to my gurus in physical form, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai and later to Tavayogi of Kallar Ashram. Prior to these precious moments meeting the gurus, I had no inclination to meet any gurus. Many these days want to know about the Siddhas but stop short of learning about them from masters, books, YouTube, and other social media too. They gather the knowledge just as they gather knowledge in other fields. I was blessed that Agathiyar who stood as the Atma drove me to them. I happened to see an advert appear daily in a Tamil daily back then in 2005 that announced the opening of an affiliate branch which I was to find out later, of Tavayogi in Malaysia. I called the branch to ask if I could meet him. The meeting took place almost immediately. I told Tavayogi that Agathiyar had asked me to come to his path. Listening to me share my Nadi reading that I had had in 2002, where Agathiyar had asked me to worship the Siddhas, Tavayogi told me that I had come to the right place and I shall learn all about it at his local branch. But Agathiyar pulled me from there and placed me under the wings of Tavayogi directly. Agathiyar in the Gnana Kaandam asked me to spend some days at Kallar Ashram and go on a pilgrimage which Tavayogi volunteered to bring me on. I had first-hand experience tracking through the jungles and sleeping in the caves with him. He had introduced me to the Prapanjam and nature that is the home and abode of the Siddhas. Bringing me to carry out simple rituals both Agathiyar and Tavayogi had me perform libation of his statue or abhisegam and light the sacrificial fire or Homam at home respectively. The bridge was laid for the Siddhas to traverse from the Prapanjam into my home. After 2019 when Agathiyar brought a stop to all pilgrimages and travels, rituals, and puja, which was reinforced by the advent of the pandemic three months later, he has had us go within. Initially, I thought that we were to go into meditation which did not come easy for me. I realized now that in going within he wanted us to investigate the nature of the Udal, Uyir, and Atma first. I guess having this knowledge will speed up the process of losing our hold on the Udal and shift the mode of the Uyir to align with the Atma henceforth. For this purpose, Agathiyar had us revisit the yogic practices that Tavayogi had taught us and have us read up on his two books, "Andamum Pindamum" and "Atma Gnanam". Agathiyar on his part guided us to observe the breath. Ramalinga Adigal came to help us connect with the Prapanjam.

So when I came down with pain in my lower back for the fourth time in 10 years, I requested Agarthiyar and the Prapanjam to heal my pain. It left overnight as opposed to some 3 years the first time in 2011, weeks in 2016, and several months in 2018. Though the herbs recommended by Agathiyar, an injection from Dr. Jana, some exercises from Shanga, a gym instructor, and Varma therapy from Master Arunan, Master Yuvaraj, and Balamurugan helped bring some relief in 2011, the moment of relief from the pain in its entirety came when the physiotherapist asked me to perform the 5 exercises she gave. All the previous treatment culminated into that single moment when the knot was released as I moved into the first position. The pain left for good but resurfaced in 2016. Dhanvathri came to stroke my back with his sacred ash and Tavayogi who was visiting us passed a herbal tablet he had on hand. In 2018 Lord Murugan came through the Nadi and a devotee simultaneously, to stroke my back with peacock feathers and asked me to drink water that was energized by the recitation of the Arutperunjothi mantra. Now as it reared its head again I asked Agathiyar what reason was he going to give me. He did reply that he was not going to beat around the bush. The chakras in me are undergoing cleansing currently and that I had to bear the pain. If his Agathiyar Kuzhambu that he made available to me earlier, in cleansing the internals, brought a balance to the three dosas, now the Atma was working in tandem with Agathiyar cleansing and purifying the chakras. Besides that Agathiyar had us read a lot too. The reason we are asked to know the tattvas is to break their hold on us one by one and eventually for good, hence liberating ourselves gaining Atma Liberation or ஆன்மா விடுதலை. Gaining that Arivu and Gnanam that breaks the shackles that have bound us all this while is a moment of total bliss. When the "I" that held on to all the prior notions and that veiled the Atma sending it into the dungeons is dropped, the Atma is freed to speak up. The voice of the Atma is heard. The realization dawns that the Atma was, is, and will be in existence brings tremendous bliss. No amount of reading about the Atma brings us there. Only the experience does.

Agathiyar had us go through the experience first before filling us in on the reasons. He never lit the path its entire way but in giving us a hint or a tool had us work our way around. When we begin to grope in the dark he appears as the light. When we stumble and fall he picks us up. He did not build a grand motorway for us to cruise on. When Tavayogi had to ride it out in unknown terrain and unpredictable climate to gain those priced and treasured insights, I was blessed to come this far with minimum damage. It is all due to the grace of the gurus. My wife and children would joke that the alignment of the chassis that was my body has run out. In trying to stay on my feet I have to find the best pose that inflicts the least pain. Many lose sight of the track or fall back while only a few still tread the path believing in Agathiyar. Agathiyar says he wants to make us all Siddhas, equal and at par or even excel him, but sadly we say we want to look up to him and see him and worship him forever like God. We are not prepared to make the switch or transition. 

அவர்கள் என்மீது மட்டுமே ஆசை கொண்டு இருப்பதுதான் எமக்கு வருத்தம். நான் கூறிய பயிற்சிகளைச் செய்யாமல் இருப்பதுதான் எனது வருத்தம். பரவாயில்லை காலம் கனியும்போது அவர்கள் வருவார்கள்.

Neale Donald Walsch walks us through a conversation between a Little Soul and God in his "The Little Soul and the Sun", a children's parable adapted from "Conversations with God", Hampton Roads Publishing Company Ins, 1998. 

The Little Soul knew itself to be the Light but it wanted to experience itself as Light. And God said that if it wanted to know the Light it must also know the Darkness. For how else can one know Up without Down, Hot without Cold, Fast without Slow? Then the Little Soul understood that in getting to know Who It Really Is, it would have to know the opposite. Knowing who it was, was not enough. The Little Soul wanted to be who it was. God asks him, "You mean you want to be Who You Already Are?" The Little Soul replies that it wanted to feel what it is like to be the Light. God goes on to explain. "Well, there is nothing else but the Light." But as the Little Soul wanted to know itself as the Light amidst the Light, God tells him, "Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we will surround you with darkness which is that which you are not." God explains that in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear, reminding the soul, for instance, not to shake his fist and raise his voice and curse the darkness when he is surrounded by it. "Rather be a Light unto the darkness and do not be mad about it. Let your Light so shine that everyone will know how special you are." And so the Little Soul embarked upon an adventure very much like that we all share on Earth.

The story goes on to narrate how the young soul who knew he was Light but wanted to experience it, chose to pick the desired action that he would like to do, from a list of many, once he is on earth. He chooses the act of forgiving. Another soul immediately steps up to join the soul in fulfilling its wish by being the perpetrator so that the young soul can then forgive him. They both come down to earth to live out their desires. This desire triggers a chain of events, a learning process takes place and several experiences are recorded, whereby the soul becomes enriched through these experiences. We, being Light in essence, for want of experiencing it, had darkness and all opposites created for us. As all the souls are perfect, many wanted and volunteered to come down to help us gain the experience. Thus, we had all known each other earlier. We had planned to be together here. Those who needed a particular experience chose to come early, while others remained behind to join later. We have worked out all things at the level of the soul and wait for it to take shape and happen or act it out on the physical plane - earth. We create the situation and the scenario, allowing all our wishes to take shape. What we are going through is what we had asked for. We had asked for this experience and hence are enacting the role and taking on the experiences. Hence, when we begin to understand that everything comes to take its respective form and place according to the wishes of the souls and the divine law of nature (God), we can settle down and accept all that is seen.

MORE DELIVERANCE

Yesterday Agathiyar gave us the boost that we all needed. He says time and tide do not wait for a man. Make a decision on time and stick to it. Walk the journey you decided. Our decision is that of the Atma. That decision belongs to the Atma. That Atma belongs to him. He asked that we fear not and walk his path.

காலம் உங்களை நிறுத்தி விடாது. புரண்டு ஓடும். காலத்தில் நிலையாய் ஒரு முடிவினை எடுத்து அதன் பின் செல்லுங்கள். இவ்விடத்தில் ஒரு முடிவு செய்து விட்டால் அதனோடு பயணிங்கள். தளர்ந்தால் குழப்பம் மட்டுமே மிஞ்சும். உங்களுடைய முடிவு உங்களின் ஆன்மாவையே சார்ந்தது. அந்த ஆன்மா என்னையே சார்ந்தது. யாருக்கும் எவருக்கும் பயமின்றி என் வழியில் வாருங்கள்.

He speaks about the invincible strength of man. That strength Agathiyar says is the Arivu. The ability to think clearly can bring down walls. Never submit to failure.

ஈசனால் படைக்கப் பட்ட மனிதனுக்கு ஆற்றலாய் அறிவு இருக்கிறது. யாம் அதை எப்போதுமே ஆற்றல் என்று கூறுவோம். மனிதனின் ஆற்றலைக் கொண்டு எதையும் சாதிக்கலாம். துவண்டு பொய் அமர வேண்டாம். 

He goes on to speak about this human birth that is considered rare by many saints. We were not given this birth to live a mundane human life. We can only rid the karma that we had gathered throughout the numerous births by taking a human birth. We can never be assured that we shall take another human birth. Hence having taken one we are asked to fulfill its purpose. We are to seek Atma Vidutalai or release.

மனித பிறவி என்பது அபூர்வமானது. அது கிடைத்தது உங்களின் மனித வாழ்க்கையை வாழ்வதற்கு அல்ல. கோடான கோடி பிறவியில் நீங்கள் செய்த கர்மவினை மனிதபிறவி எடுக்கும்போது மட்டுமே கழிக்க முடியும். இப்பிறவியில் மனிதானாய் பிறந்தவன் மற்றொரு பிறவியில் மனிதனாய் பிறப்பான் என்பது ஊர்ஜிதமல்ல. எடுத்தபோதே அதனை நிறைவேற்றிக் கொள்ளுங்கள். ஆன்ம விடுதலை நோக்கிச் செல்லுங்கள் இல்லறவாழ்க்கை எப்போதுமே சுகமாய் இருக்கும். 

Agathiyar tells us that the power of the Prapanjam is limitless. 

இந்தப் பிரபஞ்ச சக்தி எண்ணில் அடங்காதவை.

Dattatreya is said to have "started with nothing and without teachers, yet reached self-awareness by observing nature during his Sannyasi wanderings, and treating these natural observations as his twenty-four teachers" (https://en.wikipedia.org/)

Indeed, learning comes in many ways I have come to find out too. While my daughter told me "You do not need to read all these as he speaks to you" when I was disturbed by the tone of the recent Nadi readings carried on the net purportedly from the Siddhas and the divine that took to task certain quarters using the name of the Siddhas for personal gains, my wife too told me not to read them as it was not for us. 

Similarly, I learned from Mahin that spirituality is not about achieving greater heights but all about dropping all our longings and belongings - which was what I had unknowingly done these past two years sitting in solitude. Agathiyar came to say the same that it was not wasted when I presumed that I had wasted precious time. 

If I had thought that it was a merger or fusion of Jeevatma with Paramatma that took place in the final moments that is much sought after, I realized that was not so after the advent of Agathiyar's memo. There is only one Atma. It resides in all of creation. We are derived from it. When the veil or the "I" drops what remains is the Atma. We have Atma Darisanam or darshan of the Atma then. It is not that the Atma that is in the Jeeva is different from the Atma that is in the Param. Rather once the veil drops the Atma in the Jeeva comes to know itself to be the Atma in the Param. It is not even an evolution. Atma does not change in any manner. It is about Godliness, that of divinity. We are all divine Atma. Divine in nature. We see that at the end of the journey. We see the divinity in us at the end of the journey and not upon merging. We were divine in the beginning. We shall be divine at the end of the journey too after we live through the middle part of our lives and bring that to an end too. Rather than achieving or reaching that state, we realize that we were divine all the while. Poet Nakkirar pleads to Lord Ganapathy to grant him the realization of this state,  "மனத்தே நீயே நானாய் நானே நீயாய்" in his Vinayagar Agaval, 

மோனா ஞான முழுதும் அளித்து

சிற்பரிப் பூரண சிவத்தைக் காண

நற்சிவ நிட்கள நாட்டமுந் தந்து

குருவுஞ் சீடனுங் கூடிக் கலந்து

இருவரும் ஒரு தனியிடந் தனிற் சேர்ந்து

தானந்தமாகித் தற்பர வெளியில்

ஆனந்த போத அறிவைக் கலந்து

ஈசனிைணயடியிருத்தி

மனத்தே நீயே நானாய்

நானே நீயாய்க்

காயா புரியைக் கனவெனவுணா்ந்து

எல்லாமுன் செயலென்ேற உணர

நல்லா உன்னருள் நாட்டந் தருவாய்

காரண குருவே கற்பகத் களிேற

வாரணமுகத்து வள்ளலே போற்றி

Its translation, a product of the limited capacity of my understanding.

Conferring the Silent Jnana,

Coming face to face with the final revelation of the source,

Giving birth to divine desires,

Hence the Guru and Student merge,

in a lone space, the Para Veli,

locked in blissful knowledge,

placed at the Holy Feet of Siva,

"Oh Maname, understand that you are ME, I am you,

the body is but just a fortress in a dream,"

Bring me to the realization that all is your doing,

Bring forth the yearning for your Grace in me,

Oh my Guru, Lord Vinayaga.

Agathiyar surprised us by endorsing the understanding we gained from his memo on Udal, Uyir, and Atma to us recently. "I had revealed to you about the Udal, Uyir, and Atma. I am proud that you have understood it correctly." 

எனது படிப்பின் மூலம் உங்களுக்கு உடல் உயிர் ஆத்மா சூட்சமத்தை தந்துள்ளேன். அதைக் கொண்டு உனது புரிதலை நான் மெச்சுகின்றேன். 

If Agathiyar and later Ramalinga Adigal came some time back asking if we had read Tavayogi's first book "Andamum Pindamum" regarding the tattvas Agathiyar yesterday moves me to read further Tavayogi's book "Atma Gnanam".

ஆன்மாவாகியது 5 கூறு தத்துவங்களைக் கொண்டது. அந்த 5 கூறுகளை யாதென்று நீ கற்றுக்கொள்ள வேண்டும். எமது சீடன் தவயோகி ஆன்மஞானத்தில் குறிப்பிட்டிருக்கிறான். நீ அதைக் கற்கும்போது உள்ளிருந்து உனக்கு உணர்தலை யாம் அளிப்போம்.

Reading it I learn that Tavayogi describes the Jeeva as the merger of Udal and Uyir. உடலும் உயிரும் சேர்ந்து செயல்படுகின்ற ஒரு பொருளைதான் ஜீவன் என்கிறோம். 

Agathiyar reveals that when the Udal takes a form, a composite of the 5 tattvas and again returns back to these tattvas, the Uyir merges in the Atma and reaches Agathiyan as Jothi. When he says we shall reach him it has to be taken that we come to a realization that he and we are one. 

உடல் என்பது பஞ்ச பூதங்களில் உரு பெற்று மீண்டும் பஞ்ச பூதங்களிடம் சென்று விட்டால் உயிராகியது ஆன்மா வோடு கலந்து ஜோதிநிலையில் எம்மை வந்து அடையும். உடல் கூறு தத்துவமும் இதையே உமக்கு உணர்த்தும். 

Could we deduce then that when the Uyir, that is bonded to the Udal becoming the Jeeva, is rid of the bondage with the Udal and united with the Atma instead, it then shines with Effulgence or Jothi? When the Uyir or breath that moves within the Udal and moves the Udal is trained to move the Atma instead, shall one then rejoice in Jothi Darisanam? I believe Agathiyar will come by to verify this too.

ACCEPTANCE

I was born in Taiping. The town has a history, making it into the history books. People who go to Taiping go for its Lake Gardens and the Zoo, adjacent to it, which is the oldest zoo in Malaysia that houses a large number of amphibians, mammals, and reptiles. The Lake Gardens was formerly a tin ore mining site. Today I came across an online article at https://www.therakyatpost.com/living/2021/10/11/from-gangstas-paradise-to-natures-sanctuary-taiping-lake-gardens-was-once-home-to-the-triads/ that has brought me to recap the town's history and relive my memories of living in this town, its name meaning peaceful. 

The author reveals that,

"However, unknown to many, the Lake Garden was gifted to the Perak government by Kapitan Cina Chung Keng Kwee, a migrant from China in the 19th century. Turbulence in China forced Keng Kwee’s father and elder brother to migrate to Malaya to seek greener pastures. But they did not write back home afterward. Keng Kwee’s mother, Madam Lai became worried and sent her son to look for the duo. And so, in 1841, Keng Kwee, then in his 20s, sailed the South China Sea to Malaya and landed in Penang. Penang island was called Prince of Wales’s Island until 1957. He eventually found his father and brother in Klian Pauh (renamed Taiping after the Larut Wars ended). They had prospered as businessmen. Keng Kwee did not return to China immediately but went to work as a tin miner in the district of Larut where Taiping is located. In an age of chaos where intrigue and double-dealing reigned supreme, he rose to prominence and became head of a secret society. Keng Quee was head of the Hai San, a very powerful and much-feared secret society locked in a series of fighting known as the Larut Wars with their bitter rival, the Ghee Hin. But the Chinese have a saying that one mountain cannot contain two tigers. Hai San contended for supremacy against a rival secret society, Ghee Hin. Their rivalry contributed to the Larut Wars that began in July 1861 and only ended in 1873. In the ensuing power struggle, Keng Kwee outwitted and outlived his rivals. Finally, Keng Kwee had secured power in Larut. Unknown to many, Hai San and Ghee Hin also signed a treaty with the British at the same time. The Chinese agreed to disarm and destroy their stockade. Keng Kwee, together with the leader of Ghee Hin, was appointed as Kapitan Cina."

"Keng Kwee might have lived by the sword, but he was a philanthropist who gave back to society, including building bridges and roads, building schools, and donating large sums of money for disaster relief. In Penang, Keng Kwee was the chief donor to the Tua Pek Kong Temple in Tanjung Tokong, Penang Chinese Town Hall, Kwangtung and Teochew Cemeteries, and the Kek Lok Si Temple. He also helped to build the Kek Lok Si Temple in Penang. Today, two streets in Penang are named after him, Jalan Ah Quee and Lebuh Keng Kwee. His former residence in Penang is now the Pinang Peranakan Mansion."

Sadly reports say a fire broke out at the Kek Lok Si Temple in Penang, early this morning, destroying 70% of the building involved. But a temple trustee came out with a statement later to FMT "We would like to tell everyone that the whole temple is practically intact. We’ve been flooded with calls asking if the whole temple site has been damaged. It has not. News reports claiming that 70% of the entire temple complex has been razed is not true.” That is a relief.

Taiping town holds so many memories. These days when I return to it I find the streets I grew up on have shrunk. Is it because I have grown in size? Similarly these days I see my home AVM has shrunk too. Is it because I have grown in other ways? Agathiyar told me the need to move house in 2018 was because it was small. I thought what he meant was that it could no longer accommodate the number of devotees he was planning to bring over. At its peak, this small humble double-storey terrace link house of mine could accommodate some sixty-plus devotees with many cramped insides, some sitting on the stairs and others watching through the windows. Maybe it had "shrunk" in size too and could no longer accommodate the Atmas who frequent AVM be it the seen and unseen. Is that the reason those who were gifted to have a darshan of them built enormous gigantic figurines of them later? The Siddhas are said to be six to seven feet tall. Tavayogi told us that Agathiyar was a six-footer contrary to the dwarf form he is given. K. Venkatraman writes in his "Yugangal Kadanthu Vazhum Unnatha Kalai", a Vijaya Pathipakam Publications, the extraordinary story of how he was rooted to the ground as he watched shadowy figures in the light of the full moon at the 18 Siddhas Peedham in the hills of Sathuragiri. They were amazingly each 7 1/2 feet tall and fitted the common description of Rishis, Munis, and Siddhars. An Australian of Chinese origin who was picked up by a devotee driving the Grabcar was brought over to AVM. She came out of my prayer room in tears telling us she saw Agathiyar standing ceiling height before her. The ceiling is at a height of 9 feet. Is there a reason the temple entrances are built tall and high too?

The tin mine in Sungai Besi, which was the largest and deepest open cast alluvial tin mine in the world and in Malaysia, was as deep as 100 meters. Some parts of the pit were so large that a lorry that was still plying the mine in 1991, looked the size of a matchbox to me. A large space might look terrifying for an onlooker like me but it was a means of livelihood for many in its heydays. I thought I stood out in the family group photo until my nephew stood beside me and made us all look like dwarfs. Height and space I guess are very relative. We won't know it until we place something next to it. So is good and bad and all other things.

We are told time and space are relative,

Before Einstein came along, scientists believed that space always stayed the same. Time moved at a rate that never changed. And gravity pulled massive objects toward each other. Apples fell from trees to the ground because of the Earth’s strong pull. All of those ideas came from the mind of Isaac Newton, who wrote about them in a famous 1687 book. Albert Einstein was born 192 years later. He grew up to show that Newton was wrong. Space and time were not unvarying, as Newton had described them. And Einstein had a better idea about gravity. So Einstein’s theory was a different way of describing gravity. But it was also a more accurate one. Newton’s idea worked when gravity is not especially strong on all scales, such as near the sun or maybe a black hole. Einstein’s descriptions, by contrast, would work even in these environments. (Source: https://www.sciencenewsforstudents.org/article/einstein-taught-us-its-all-relative)

Readers who have been following this blog since its inception might realize discrepancies in its contents over time. When Osho was asked why he had said something different earlier, he replied that what he said earlier was true at that time and what he said now was true now. It could only mean that our perspective changes as we grow spiritually just as our perspective of the world around us changes as we grow from a child to an adult. A reader of this blog who followed every post of mine picked up some discrepancies and emailed me pointing this out as early as in 2015.

Hi sir. Thanks for a very enlightening post from none other than the great sage agasthiar. I really prayed to him to tell me about the working of karma and he replied through your post!I am thankful to both of you.

did agasthiar himself say that one is fated to read the nadi. if it is so then u r fated to change your fate. in short fate rules. this cant be right. and also in another writing on ur blog u mentioned that agasthiar told that 3 peoples karma was dissolved. and they would go to a temple as per fate. how is fate prevalent even after karma is dissolved? i m asking these questions with a sincere approach and humbly to know more about the siddhas. please reply dad.

In the initial years "I" was trying to understand the journey. Now he reveals it. So did he reveal about the Udal, Uyir, and Atma after I posted my understanding of it. It turned out that I had erred in my understanding. He corrected it immediately. Hence what I understood to be the truth then has been shattered by him over time by bringing me new understanding through experiences gained on this journey. Let me remind you that this is not a book of scripture or sacred text but a book of experiences of mine and those of my Gurus, other gurus, family, friends, and devotees on the path. It is a book of learning condense from life's experiences of all the people I have come across in my life too. Neither is this blog and its contents a treatise or textbook on Siddha worship. It's a discovery and an adventure on the path of the Siddhas. As we progress our earlier evaluation based on the experiences and lessons learned is bound to change with new input and new perspectives arising each moment.

As one climbs out of the well he gets to see the outside world better. Later walking down the road he can only see that much. When we board a plane we see more of the terrain if compare to traveling on the road. When seen from space we see the whole world. The world was depicted as flat until we came to know its true shape later. We know that the earlier notion was propaganda by an author who was paid to do so as revealed later. 

When we can accept these different views of our world why is it so difficult for some to come to terms and acceptance. When Agathiyar revealed the knowledge about the Udal, Uyir, and Atma in his memo to us immediately, I immediately brought to mind all that had taken place and was told throughout the journey trying to find the answers to previous happenings and events based on a new perspective now given by Agathiyar, trying to understand anew the whole journey in a different light. Indeed by doing so I realize I have come to understand everything in a new light. Acceptance is the keyword here. When I read the Nadi for the very first time, I accepted it without inferring or any doubt or suspicion. When I came to Supramania Swami and Tavayogi I accepted every word they said. But I saw many even after asking Tavayogi for an explanation and listening to him explain they cannot bring themselves to accept lock, stock, and barrel as I did. They had to put forth another opinion or view that they had read or heard elsewhere. They referred to other saints or gurus versions and asked Tavayogi to give an opinion on it. When Agathiyar or Tavayogi has opinioned on a subject all other views and all else should be dropped. But they fought to retain what they had learned earlier unable to let in new ideas and thoughts and understanding come unto them  Sadly they shall remain hence forever. On the contrary, we were so eager to learn that Agathiyar had given us an explanation and were elated but sadly some after having read his explanation preferred to enquire from other gurus or retained their stand on what has been embedded deeply in them from their earlier learnings and readings. But that is their right. It is not for us to convince others. As Osho in his "Book of Secrets" says that life has two banks to it, both opposites and contradicting each other and that, "They appear to be contradictory, but they are co-operative." Life as we know is "a rhythm between opposites: male and female, positive and negative, day and night, birth and death. Life cannot exist without this rhythm between the opposites." But he says "The appearance is false. For those who have come to surpass this duality, "Life contains all. Tantra is neither for this nor for that – Tantra is for all. Tantra has no standpoint of its own really. All standpoints that are possible are contained in it. It is big. It can contradict itself because it contains all. It is not partial, it is the whole. Hence it is holy." An enlightened man sees it as such. 

To one who has dropped the veil, the opposites both seem cooperative, supportive of each other. Hence he is not disillusioned or disturbed. He does not complain, argues, or debate over it. Knowing that it is holy neither does he touch it, mend it nor manipulate it. To one who is enlightened, he does not play god. As Osho in narrating the story of a Sufi, “The Holy Shadow” says of the Sufi, 

This is the ultimate: one has to become the holy shadow, just a shadow of God. This is the greatest revolution that can happen to a human being: the transfer of the center. You are no longer your own center; God becomes your center. You live like his shadow. You are not powerful, because you don’t have any center to be powerful. You are not virtuous; you don’t have any center to be virtuous. You are not even religious; you don’t have any center to be religious. You are simply not, a tremendous emptiness, with no barriers and blocks, so the divine can flow through you unhindered, uninterpreted, untouched — so the divine can flow through you as he is, not as you would like him to be. He does not pass through your center — there is none. The center is lost.

Initially showing us an external guru in physical form the Atma brings us to realize the guru in us. The guru brings us to realize that we are all gurus too. We have progressed this far because we have learned acceptance of new knowledge making us drop earlier concepts and understanding. That is how we build on our understanding, building the blocks. That is how a butterfly evolves too leaving its dark nest or cave that is the pupa and taking flight in a colorful world.

Man's mind is constantly at work seeking answers, exploring and discovering, prodding and researching. There is never an instant when it subsides. When, if at all the thought subsides, Agathiyar appears to him, or rather he sees Agathiyar behind the veil of thoughts. உன் எண்ணம் எப்போது அடங்குகிறதோ அப்போது நீ என்னை காண்பாய். When the search stops he surfaces. It is then his thoughts and he delivers what we need to know. It is then his perspective that is seemingly seen through our eyes. உன் மூலமாக நான் உலகை காண்பேன். He begins to walk among us and talk to us. When the false notion that we are in charge is dropped, the veil of illusion comes down with it too. When the "I" is dropped the Atma comes within in its place. The Atma then begins to take the wheel. All we need to do is enjoy the ride be it a smooth one or one that rides the rapids. But fear not since the Atma is in charge now and not us. 

BLISS

I  share Srinatha Raghavan's post on Fb as we share the same bliss in taking flight with the Atma or Atma Darisanam. 

Well, these sudden flights of the Spirit happens unknowingly and abruptly, often to the great astonishment (Thankfully not annoyance) of my wife/family. She sometimes freezes in stupor, not knowing what to do with me, when I am in a spiritual daze, shivering or crying profusely over something that is not even explainable. 

There was a time, during the initial days of our marriage, She would greatly panic seeing me get into an emotional fit. Gradually She understood the pain of inner seperation, although seemingly painful to behold, it was actually granting me a certain bliss, and that's when she learned to live with it without remonstrances. She would often remind me, "You are a householder and you cannot afford to neglect your day to day duties?"

I would simply nod my head in acquisance, but could do nothing about it. 

Honestly it can be intense and highly confusing at times for the ones who behold it and also for the ones undergoing it. My head gets heated up, boils erupt all over the body, sometimes I sit like an inert object for hours together causing inconvenience to others, and at other times erupt into a fit of rage for a mere trifle causing tension. Trust me, one word that best explains the state of being is "Dichotomy". 

It ain't easy to live with a spiritual lunatic under the same roof, but these aren't in my hands to control and I'm not a bit ashamed that I get these so called "Fits of the Spirit". Thankfully I have a partner who understands it well, but more so, doesn't misunderstand it. Interestingly my wife often points out jokingly (with an element of truth in it), "Be thankful! If any other Woman was to be your wife, She would have either gone mad or turned you sad!" Yeah! I gladly concur.  

Finally I have realised that it's a part and parcel of my journey, which shall one day cleanly cut me off from the chords of the world (Or it may simply go "pooof"), causing a potential void in my loved ones life, yet I accept it all with deep gratitude and humility, as it has given me a taste of the Divine. 

ATMA GNANAM

Though Agathiyar's memo to us was short and brief it took me 7 posts to place what he had said of the Udal, Uyir, and Atma into the correct perspective that I could easily understand. There is only one Atma that is immersed in all of creation. That one single Atma that is the source of all creation, prevails in all of his creation. Period.

It is amazing how Agathiyar brought us to know Udal, Uyir, and Atma progressively. But being the ignorant idiots we are we were always looking towards bigger and larger things that we have been fed with through talks and books in the past. We had already arrived and had had the experience of the Udal, Uyir, and Atma but without realizing it we were looking elsewhere and waiting impatiently for something on a majestic scale to take place in the future. It needed Agathiyar to draw the veil and have us realize through his memo that the divine plays in very subtle ways.

The years 2019 till the present were critical years of transformation. But I was so ignorant of the signs and the happenings. I thought that these past two years were wasted staying indoors trying to sit in meditation, which did not come easily for me, as directed by Agathiyar and partly forced to stay indoors due to the pandemic.

After some 17 years of Tavam and some 9 years of Aram, he had us wind up on all the activities related to it. He brought us from learning the external traits in doing rituals and conducting puja and participating in the joy of giving and doing charity, to go within. In asking us to go within he had us gain the knowledge of something that was so close to us and internal - the Udal, Uyir, and Atma. This was what he meant to us when he directed us to go within. I mistook it for meditation and became frustrated as it did not happen. In asking us to know about the Udal both Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal came again and again to ask and remind us if we read Tavayogi's books. They asked us to read the chapters on the tattvas to know the Udal and how it is formed and functions. We did read but could not comprehend much. Agathiyar had me consumed his Agathiyar Kuzhambu to cleansed the filth and trash I had carried all this while in my internals. This set the three dosas back into their respective proportions for a hale and healthy body. Even as I type these words this process is ongoing and believe me it is not pleasant nor a delightful encounter, counter to what Agathiyar told us that this too was bliss. I understand that he wants us to look at pain and discomfort as such.

After bringing us to understand the Udal he brought us to experience the Uyir. He had me start again certain practices that Tavayogi taught me and I had practiced since then in 2008 only to have Agathiyar halt it in 2011. He had me teach it to Mahin who was instructed to practice and teach it to those at AVM who were keen to move on to the next phase. In this phase, Ramalinga Adigal came to link us to the Prapanjam through the breath. We experience the Prapanjam. Henceforth the whole body began to absorb the prana contrary to the past where it was available in some quantities coming within hitching on the breath; coming within as food and water and assimilated and absorbed; absorbed from the water as we took a dip in the river and sea or had a bath at home; and through the suns rays and in the outdoors. Through the practice of Pranayama the volume of prana intake increased multifold as we created contact with the Prapanjam.  

Having given us the knowledge of the Udal and preparing it to receive the might of the Prapanjam through Uyir or breath, taking Pranayama as a tool, he brought us to the threshold of Gnanam. Tavayogi in his book defines Gnanam as the moment of realization of the Atma. This is true enlightenment. We become enlightened by the very Atma that was with us throughout our lives albeit for the period when we thought we were in charge of our lives. Once we realize that it is not so and that there is a divine hand that moves us and surrender our will to it, the Atma moves in again and leads us to enlightenment. Mahakavi Bharathi realized this and shares it in his song "Nennai Saran Adainthen Kannama". Hence we understand why Lord Murugan came and in telling us that he had something to give all of us insisted that we had to surrender first. 

Reading again all of Tavayogi's books after Agathiyar's memo to us, we are beginning to see that Tavayogi had already explained these in his writings. But ignorance stood in our way of comprehending his words and works. Like Agathiyar says Tavayogi took states that the Atma is in charge and control of the Udal and Uyir. But the reason we cannot identify it is that it is subtle in nature as opposed to the gross nature of the Udal and the Uyir when awateness is brought to the breath.

When we are caught in the grips of Maya or illusion in this world we never realize the existence of the Atma. When we become enlightened we attain Gnanam. That is Atma Darisanam. We realize the importance of the Udal then and begin to treasure it for the Uyir is known through the Udal and vice versa. Aram and Tavam bring us to this stage. By engaging in Aram we offset karma. The Atma comes to do its part in ridding it completely later. When the ego, desire and attachment is surrended we are freed completely. Tavam brings the grace of the Atma to draw the veils aside. We become enlightened. 

The Atma that is supposed to take hold of the Udal and Uyir controlling it sadly is driven to the shadows as we exhibit ego and the "I" in us takes an upper hand. It is only when we surrender the "I" that the Atma returns to reign. Its reign off course would be in line with the divine as opposed to that of the "I" that exercises its superiority. When the Atma comes back to regain control of the Udal and Uyir it brings on massive transformation within the body often without our input and brings on the whole of Prapanjam within too. We understand the state of Agathiyar now when he says that the Prapanjam is in him and he is in the Prapanjam. 

It all starts with worship at home and in the temples. We have read about how several saints, were shown the dance of Siva, the Atma as a child in their homes and certain temples. Later as one pursues the path that the Atma identifies for us after the karma is cleared and we surrender, the Atma begins to express its thought and actions through us. We become an expression of the Atma. The individual then is an expression of the divine and divinity. 

ATMA DARISANAM

We have all had the Darshan of the Atma. It is not the privilege nor domain of the saints, gurus, and masters alone. The child lives in this sphere and space till a certain age. That is why the elders regard the children as divine. Goddess Ma and Agathiyar told us to enjoy all the mischief that our grandchildren do: அவர்கள் செய்யும் குறும்புத்தனத்தை ரசிக்க கற்று கொள்ளுங்கள்.

The Atma was with us till a certain age and time when we began to take in the world around us and began to decide for ourselves. It goes into hiding or rather veils itself, remaining as the silent witness or மணசாட்சி. Occasionally it comes to the forefront to abstain us from making wrong moves and saving the day. We experience Uyir Anubhavam whenever we bring our awareness to the breath. Otherwise, it too veils itself and goes on 24/7 unconsciously. Connecting with Erai, when there is the spontaneous flow of thoughts on Erai that would be Arul Anubhavam. In those moments of an encounter with the divine grace, when we lose our identity, when the "I", is lost, that is Atma Anubhavam said to be the culmination of Dhyanam. We are brought back to the state of the Atma at beginning of the journey of life as a form in the womb. 

My wife and I were always fond of children. My neighbors' kids together with my kids and the kids we babysat would wait for me to return from work to bring them out into the open. My daughters took on the fondness for children too. We used to read to our children back then. My elder daughter memorized the story "Little Chick Chick" we read to her and began to narrate it while staring at the ceiling. This particular book and many others have been brought down to our grandchildren.

Similarly, we used to sing bedtime songs to our children and grandchildren. As I was a fan of oldies, I used to dish out a particular song every time to my elder daughter then. She would listen and follow. Now I think I had tortured her singing that song. It was the song about we being a puppet in the hands of fate. This song has been remade. 

My wife used to sing the song of a flower girl. 

When they grew up they had their own blog and YouTube channels to share their interest, thoughts, and opinions. This is how the interest was nurtured in them. 

https://myindianheartbeat.blogspot.com/ 

http://berrysweetprincess.blogspot.com/

http://journalofafox.blogspot.com/

Similarly, at AVM I encouraged many to write. Some have contributed to this blog. 

The show must go on. Agathiyar told me recently in reply to my wish to wind up my act and go into oblivion, that I have to be around until he appoints another to take up the work. I guess this is what Tavayogi meant when he expressed his happiness and contentment that many in AVM had taken up the path after seeing the discipline and dedication and sincerity of AVM family members in conducting themselves and the worship of the Siddhas.

UDAL, UYIR & ATMA

First, he had made me frustrated as I could not find the answers regarding Udal, Uyir, and Atma, listening to talks online and reading the books. Praying that someone in our circle could have stumbled on these answers as they sat in meditation during the past two years of solitude brought on by Agathiyar and the forced confinement due to the pandemic, sadly none had direct experience that they could share. Figuring for myself what it could probably be, I posted my understanding at "QUEST FOR THE SOUL & SPIRIT". Then Agathiyar came immediately giving us a brief explanation through a memo. Over the past days, as I brood over the contents of the memo and the answers, I am beginning to get insights and understanding and see it rather clearly now. I see the pattern and the design behind all past happenings. I see all the previous reading, learning, and experiences fall into place in this grand design. I understand life better. Instead of dishing out answers the easy way or passing out the answers to the questions, he had us read and talk about it, figure out for ourselves and finally gave us the answer sheet.

Talk about god makes us aesthetical and elated. But the feeling soon goes away just like attending a motivation course gives us a boost for some time and it dies down. The state of ecstasy is to be sought. And to forever remain in it is the idea. Tavayogi said that we should learn to extend these brief moments. Agathiyar too says in the memo to us that practicing to live in these heightened moments of vibration one shall reach him. The intensity of the vibration gathers momentum and extends to the range of Erai's. Hence man becomes god. Not that he physically transforms into the many forms of his but takes on the nature of god that is the vibration, the dance of the particles as Balakumaran Aiya reveals as having seen when he asked Yogi Ramsuratkumar to show him god and the Yogi stroked his back.

In "An Introduction to the Philosophy of Ramalinga Swami" by Dr. C Srinivasan, published by Ilakkia Nilayam, Tiruchi, 1968 we learn of Uyir Anubhavam. As we have come to learn that the breath is Uyir, Uyir Anubhavam would mean experiencing the breath. In expanding this experience by prolonging these rare moments, when there is the spontaneous flow of God that would be Arul Anubhavam. 

Spending time with my grandchildren shows me that I need to unlearn and relearn to become like them. I need to become a child again not that I become dependant on others for all my needs but to adopt the nature of a child in seeing things. I ask my grandchildren often what is in their thoughts; what are they looking at as often there are lost in thoughts for brief moments. These are the brief moments where they make contact with the Atma. In those moments of a close encounter with the divine grace, when we lose our identity, when the "I", is lost, the Atma is revealed. It becomes the watcher without registering the sights, sounds, and thoughts. This is Atma Anubhavam that is said to be the culmination of Dhyanam. 

When Agathiyar said the Atma in its subtle form stays from 1 to 5 Varagai with the child before it's veiled, this was interesting as I grew up hearing the story from my mother that Lord Brahma, (who determines our fate, and which Agathiyar speaks of in the memo too), speaks to the newborn child revealing her life day by day. When the fetal skull closes the conversation with God ends. This is why we see all sorts of emotion in a newborn. The child smiles, cries etc in its sleep. The elders always warn us not to press the soft spot on the head. We feel this spot throbbing when we place our palm on it. After reading Agathiyar's memo in the past post, a reader shared the following regarding this belief in her homeland of Kerala.

In kerala (maybe you heard abt or too) special attention with reverence is given to the new born babies' top of the head. The portion where the skull is not closed.. we say that the soul connects to you through that pit. When Agathiyar told this I thought about it..

Science describes the skull of a child as follows.

The fetal skull contains cranial bones that have not yet joined together. The spaces that lie between the large cranial bones (the frontal bone, the parietal bone, the temporal bone and the occipital bone) are the membrane-bound fontanelle. This is why new borns have a "soft spot" on their head. 

The anterior fontanelle is the largest of the fontanelles. It forms a "diamond-shape" structure and can take between 12 and 18 months to form the coronal suture that joins the frontal bone to the parietal bones. The anterior fontanelle closes at about 12-18 months and is larger than the other.

The posterior and sphenoidal fontanelle appear more "triangular-shaped" and close within a couple of months. The posterior fontanelle will close to form the lambdoidal suture that joins the occipital bone with the parietal bones.

The sphenoidal fontanelles (one lying laterally at each side of the cranium) will close to form the squamosal suture. The squamosal suture is bordered anteriorly by the frontal bone, superiorly by the parietal bone, posteriorly by the squamous portion of the temporal bone, and inferiorly by the greater wing of the sphenoid bone that joins the temporal lobes with the sphenoid.

(Source: https://www.scientistcindy.com/the-skull-anatomy.html)

Next is Atma Darisanam where we taste God. The individual is charged with divine grace. Beyond this only the experience of Brahmam exists. This is Samadhi. It is a journey of transformation. The many transformations that Agathiyar pointed out on this journey to this ignorant seeker, are only making sense now. In revealing the Udal, Uyir, and Atma, he has enlightened me.

Agathiyar in his memo speaks about creation beginning with what is closest to us and visible, the body or the Udal, and how it takes form and shape in the womb. Just as creation is a result of the Pancha Maha Bhutam coming together, the body too is a product of these five elements. 

Udal that is a combination of the  Nun Uyir in certain proportions, present in the five materials takes on the form of a Pindam in the womb.

The Pancha Butham namely water, earth, sky, air, fire are derived from both the parent's body to produce the body of the developing baby. When the proportions differ, there appear defects in the baby.

Earth 1/3, Water 4/3, Fire 5/6, Air 8/2, Sky 1/8. Hence, these proportions are determined by Lord Brahma as the body takes form. 

The Atma keeps both the Udal and Uyir under its control in a secretive, subtle manner. This subtlety stays from 1 to 5 Varagai with the child before it's veiled. I cannot tell you the reason for it to be veiled now. Nevertheless, the Atma will return unto him depending on his actions.

உடல் என்பது ஐந்து உலோகங்களின் நுண்ணுயிர்களின் அளவுகளைத் தாங்கிக் கொண்டு பிண்டம் ஒன்றினை உருவ வடிவமாய் கர்ப்பகிரகத்தில் நிலை பெறுகிறது. பஞ்சபூதம் ஆகிய நீர், நிலம், ஆகாயம், காற்று, நெருப்பு அனைத்தும் தாய் தந்தையின் உடலிலிருந்தே  எடுக்கப்பட்டு சிசுவின் உடலைப் பிறப்பிக்கின்றது. இவைகளின் அளவுகள் குறையும் தருவாயில் சிசு தன் உடலின் பாகங்களில் கோளாறு ஏற்படுகிறது.

நிலத்தின் அளவு - 1/3, நீரின் அளவு – 4/3, நெருப்பின் அளவு – 5/6, காற்றின் அளவு – 8/2, ஆகாயத்தின் அளவு – 1/8 

இவ்வாறு அதற்கென்று அளவுகள் பிரம்மதேவரால் கணக்கிட்டு உடலை உருவாக்கப்படுகிறது. 

ஆன்மா உடலையும் உயிரையும் தனது கட்டுப்பாட்டுக்குள் வைத்துக் கொள்ளும் ஒரு சூச்சமம். இந்தச் சூச்சமத்தை பிறந்த குழந்தைகள் 1  முதல் 5 வராகை வரையிலும் உடன் இருந்து மறையும். மறைத்தலின் காரணம் இன்னதென்று இப்போது உனக்குச் சொல்ல இயலாது. ஆனபோதிலும் ஆன்ம ஒருவரின் செயலைப் பொறுத்தே மீண்டும் அவனை வந்து சேரும்.

Ajai Kumar Chhawchharia at https://tulsidas-ram-books.weebly.com/my-books.html details the formula that went into the composition of the Pancha Maha Bhutam,  made in the ratio 1 1/2 part earth; 1 1/4 part water; 1 part fire; 3/4 air; and 1/2 part sky, totaling 5 in any given circumstances. When Agathiyar speaks of the Pancha Butham and the proportions, Earth 1/3, Water 4/3, Fire 5/6, Air 8/2, Sky 1/8, that are determined by Lord Brahma as the body takes form, initially I thought that Mahin might have jotted down the proportions mistakenly as he had to keep up with Agathiyar's pace of revelation. But on closer scrutiny, we both agreed that what Agathiyar implied was the elements water, earth, sky, air, fire are derived from both the parent's body. As he mentioned the mother first followed by the father, we understood it as deriving 1 portion of Earth from the mother and 3 from the father, 4 portions of Water from the mother and 3 from the father and so on and so forth, coming together to take the form of a child in the womb.

பஞ்சபூதம் ஆகிய நீர், நிலம், ஆகாயம், காற்று, நெருப்பு அனைத்தும் தாய் தந்தையின் உடலிலிருந்தே  எடுக்கப்பட்டு சிசுவின் உடலைப் பிறப்பிக்கின்றது.

Tavayogi explains the finer details of these structures in his book "Andamum Pindamum" and "Atma Gnanam". From the first atom, the Paramanu, the Pancha Maha Bhutam came forth, writes Tavayogi. The world emerged with these 5 coming together. Each atom within the 5 carried 96 Tattvas each. These Tattvas function in our bodies too.

பரமாணுவினால் பஞ்சபூதம் உண்டானது. இவ்வுலகம் ஐம் பெரும் பூத அணுக்களால் ஆனது. இந்த ஐம்பூத அணுக்களில் உள்ள ஒவ்வொரு அணுவிலும் 96 தத்துவங்கள் அமைந்துள்ளன. இந்த தத்துவங்களே மனித சரீரத்தில் செயல்படுகின்றன.

Tavayogi says Akaayam or space or ether was split into two halves with the first half becoming the Atma, while the second half split further into four portions. The first quarter teaming up with Vaayu resulted in Manas; the next quarter became Buddhi and Arivu when teamed with Agni or Fire; the third quarter teaming with water gave forth to Siththam; and finally, Ahangkaaram came to be in coalition with Earth filling the fourth quarter.

Vaayu or air was split into two halves too. Viyaanan became the first half while the second half was subdivided further into four variations. Vaayu with Akaayam became Samana Vaayu; Vaayu with Agni or Fire gave forth to Uthaana Vaayu; the third portion of Vaayu teamed up with Water to become Prana Vaayu;  and the fourth, Abaana Vaayu was a result of Vaayu teaming with Prithvi or Earth.

Agni or Fire too was split into two halves, the first half becoming the eyes while the second half was split further into four. Teaming with Akaayam it gave rise to the ears; the second teamed with Vaayu to take on the form of the skin; the third teamed with Water to become the mouth and tongue, and teaming with Earth, the nose was formed too.

Water split into two halves giving rise to the Tanmaathirai namely taste in the first half and split further into four portions in the second half. Teaming with Akaayam, the hearing came about. Teaming with Vaayu touch was sensed. Sight came to be, teaming with Agni, and finally, the smell came forth with the addition of Earth.

Earth too split into two halves. The first half became the Anus. The second half split further took on the following: Speech in combination with Akaayam; Hands were formed in combination with Vaayu; Legs came to be formed combining with Agni; Teaming with Earth the organs of pleasure came to be.

These 25 tattvas formed the body and its related organs. Any alteration to these proportions resulted in chaos and trouble within the body. Just as creation is the effect of Panchabhoothas, the body too is a product of these five elements made in the ratio 1 1/2 part earth; 1 1/4 water; 1 part fire; 3/4 air; and 1/2 sky totaling 5 in any given circumstances. If the body is composited of these five elements in their ideal ratios to sustain itself with good health, the functions of the body are dependent on 96 principles or tattvas, of which 36 formulate the soul and the rest of the body, that in turn are dependent on the five elements that make the body. The Siddhas remind us to ensure the ratio of these elements is maintained well to prevent ailment and in worst cases death. 

How can then one watch 24/7 over these tattvas? Through watching the breath, say the Siddhas. The Siddhas realized that the only "apparent difference between the living and the dead was the function of respiration." This observation mooted the Siddhas to find ways to increase and retain the prana that attaches itself to air and energizes all of creation including both the world around us and us. Tavayogi too once told me "Breath is God." Agathiyar has mentioned in numerous incidences that he gave his breath to save his devotee. Korakar in his "Chandraregai 200", mentions the means in retaining the breath within and subduing the mind at the same time, making this body God's dwelling. As long as we retain the breath in us, we stay alive. When Sri Raghavendra was tested by some cruel people to revive a boy whom they had purposely asked to play dead, the saint tells them that he cannot as the Uyir or breath had departed for real. It is rather timely that Agathiyar too has brought us to watch the breath. This would mean that the Uyir stands guard and is guardian. The breath runs through us traversing day and night keeping us alive. When we lose the breath the whole house collapses. 

KR Sivakanthan in his "Sittargal Tathuvamum Yoga Neri Muraigalum", Tirunelveli Then India, Saiva Sitthantha Noor Pathippu Kazhagam, Chennai, 2003, writes on the subject of creation too.

Brahmam gave birth to the Pancha Maha Bhutam, which came about or evolved from each other. The five elements saw their beginning from the sky, from which came forth the element air. This gave rise to fire. Water emerged from the fire, and earth from water. Finally, man, animal, birds, plants, mountains, and rivers rose from the earth. The reverse takes place at the end of the cycle, all returning to the form from which they came forth.

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in his "Science of Being and Art of Living", a Meridian book, 1995, wrote that there is one Being, the absolute existence of unmanifested nature. The cosmic intelligence or creative power which is the nature of Being, initiated the first sound or vibration that generated prana out of itself, hence starting the process of creation and evolution, with a purpose. And that purpose he says is "Expansion of happiness." Here we can relate to Agathiyar's memo. Being or Erai brought forth Atma/Agathiyan as a vibration that generated Uyir or prana or breath and brought forth life. To connect back with this vibration from the source we need to enhance the vibration within. Hence we see why mantras and names of deities and saints are chanted and recited. We see why hymns and devotional songs are sang at temples. We see why Yagam. Yagna and Homam is carried out. All these accentuate the vibration in us and bridge us to the source.

If the Uyir or breath comes within after the moment of conception in the womb and a solid form in the proportion as determined by Lord Brahma takes shape; if the first signs of life emerges when breath or Uyir is given or rather gifted to this mass of solid form, the Atma's journey, on the contrary, starts very much earlier, at the start of our lives, nay before this birth itself, in some cases, often without our knowledge. Agathiyar said that Lord Muruga, Vallal (Ramalinga Adigal) and He had come years before even before I knew them and began to worship them. This explains the belief that each individual is assigned an Atma or a guardian angel from the moment it takes its role in the divine's play or lila. The Atma who is with us in the divine kingdom keeps us company for a certain period and veils itself as we grow out of the Atma's shadow. A growing fetus is in the care of the Atma. His or her first awareness comes from the Atma. Upon taking birth the child moves according to the dictates of the Atma until it becomes aware of its surroundings. Walking initially in the shadows of the Atma, a child is unaware between right and wrong, does not know fear, does not know the differences as in duality etc. Growing up now, worldly knowledge takes precedence then. They begin to absorb all that is seen and heard, all that is taught. The senses bombard them. New things are learned and new skills acquired. Upon reaching adolescence coming to know and differentiate right from wrong; and when his or her ego is inflated, the Atma moves into the shadow. The late Dr. Krishnan told me that karma does not touch these kids until they attain puberty. When we come to learn that we have the freedom to make choices, to decide, and he/she knows that he/she has a choice and a say in his/her life, when he or she begins to take charge of his life it is only fair that he takes on the responsibility and the burden of his actions too. Karma begins it's count. We become tied down to matters of the world and lose any memory of the Atma that we once have had. We break ties with the Atma that accompanied all this while. But the Atma is forever faithful hiding behind the veil and watching us. This is what the old generation calls மணசாட்சி or the silent witness. Though it is silent occasionally it comes to save us from making bad decisions that could alter the path that is laid for us. Finally, when the moment is right to set us back on track, after we have seen the effects of our karma, and our desires come to fruition, the Atma draws aside the veil and shows itself. The Atma comes to help us out of the mess we made in its absence, by helping us deal with our karma. At the appropriate time and place, the Atma kindles our interest or memory of a past life and brings us on their path or back on track if we had started walking on the path in some previous birth.

UNDERSTANDING FURTHER

When out of frustration on not knowing the answers about the Udal, Uyir, and Atma lead me to ask all those I knew and posting my "QUEST FOR THE SOUL & SPIRIT" and understanding at that moment of time at 

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2021/10/though-i-would-very-much-like-to-visit.html, Agathiyar came immediately to correct me on several points. If I had summarized my understanding as "Udal is the body. Porul is the soul. Aavi is the spirit. Udal was given by the parents. Soul registers everything. Spirit enlightens us" I stand corrected by Agathiyar. After going through his memo to us recently, I understood that Udal is the body. Porul is the Uyir or breath. Atma is the vibration/Agathiyan/Erai. Udal was given by the parents. Uyir sustains us in the body. Atma that is vibration enlightens us, connecting us with Agathiyan/Erai.

The Atma that was with us initially is veiled after a period for a mysterious reason said Agathiyar. I figured that it was to allow the process of karma to work in each individual. It is the period of payback and settling the scores, making right the wrongs, atone for the past mistakes, forgive others and ask to be forgiven, a period where all our karma takes the form of sufferings, illness, misery, misfortunes, etc, and also equally where we are rewarded for all the kindness, charity, love, loyalty, devotion etc and all our wishes and desires from the past take shape and form. The Atma stands back and veils itself, never intending to interfere with the natural law but to let the process go on and the individuals experience and learn from these experiences. During this time the Atma is bound and its hands tied. The Atma can only watch all that takes place. The law of cause and effect had to be fulfilled. Once our actions deserve a reprieve the Atma draws the veil and shows itself. If we recognized it, the Atma comes to stay forever henceforth. The Atma now lends a hand in settling the past account and debts. Once the debt is settled, we are given refuge. As in ஆட்கொள்ளல் the Atma comes to regain its right over us and brings on the memory of our connection with it/Agathiyan/Erai. The Atma leads us to Erai as we see in the life of Sundaramurthy Nayanar.

We are told that "அண்டத்தில் உள்ளது பிண்டத்தில்; பிண்டத்தில் உள்ளது அண்டத்தில்". Just like the sun rays travel far and reach us, enveloping us in its warmth, the Atma that is in vibration reaches out to us extending its arms and enveloping us. I had thought the Atma to be identical to us but of a subtle nature and material, living within and steps before us in meditation and that it addresses us and converses with us. I also thought that it leaves the body on an astral journey and returns into the body. After reading Agathiyar's memo I have dropped that understanding. I understand that the Atma prevails everywhere as vibration with its origin as a bigger vibration. Just as this blog is powered by Blogger, this entire show is staged by the Atma. The Atma that dances nonstop when it reveals itself spreads its arms around us enveloping us and we tango with it momentarily. The idea is to prolong the dance and remain connected for life.

As for me, it was some 43 years minus 1 to 5 varahai, a count of time as used in the past, the period that the Atma stayed around with me, before it was veiled.  I asked Tavayogi why I only knew of the path late in life when I was 43. His reply stunned me. He told me "At least be grateful you came to know now!" I guess there are those who never reach that moment in their lifetime. Following my parents and forefathers on the path of Sariyai frequenting the temples and lighting lamps at home at the altar, I took on the worship of the deities at my bachelor home later. During this period I read much on culture and tradition and moved to know religion. I picked up yoga lessons from the books and practiced them. Then there was a long break. I was then 28. Lord Shiva told me in a dream to take a break from the charade of questions that I had no answers to. I guess I had to fulfill my past karma and desires and also those of others. In later years as I came to read the Nadi, Agathiyar told us in my daughter's Nadi that they wanted us to be their parents again and hence we are together in this birth. I married the following year and started a family. I only frequented the temples for the sake of my children knowing God. The year 2001 was right for the Atma to return, unveiling itself. The Vasudeva mantra was conveyed to me in a mysterious way. I was told that I shall meet my guru. The following year I read the Nadi. I was told that all my previous endeavors were marred by karma. Hence I could not reap the benefit of my practices. The Atma came to help me rectify my karma. I undertook my maiden pilgrimage to India to carry out remedies. Once the past was cleared, it was time to meet my guru as I was told earlier. I stood before my guru Supramania Swami naked and void of karma and empty of all learning, the year after. Two years later I met Tavayogi. The seed was planted and nurtured. 

APPRECIATE WHAT YOU GOT

How does each of us comprehend Agathiyar's explanation of the Udal, Uyir, and Atma? Unless one has the prior experience we cannot possibly comprehend, fit the facts, understand anything for that matter. What appears absurd and ridiculous for a start makes sense at the end. When Tavayogi told me Agathiyar came and spoke to him the night I arrived at his Kallar ashram, I looked at him blank. I could not help it as the thought went through me mind if he was pulling a fast one? Today after similar encounters and experiences I cannot deny that the Siddhas are walking among us. 

After I repeatedly went through Agathiyar's memo and tried to comprehend it I began to see a clear connection with what I had gone through on my rather insignificant small short journey of discovery. Agathiyar could not have timed it better. He had us move from being a client of God when we have issues in life, a patient of his when we are ill, and a spectator at his fests, to take up rituals. In rituals, we addressed him directly, without any mediators, we established contact with him, and we entertained him to a feast. Soon we practiced and followed certain yoga practices, that the Siddhas did to keep themselves hale and healthy, both in body and mind. Bringing us to Gnana he showed us that every single thing has its role to play in this world of ours. Every single event expands our consciousness by giving us experience and divine knowledge. So did all the stages that we passed through on this journey. With this wisdom as we look back on the path we traveled it seems entirely different now.

Now when I revisit my journey I have begun to see everything that took place from a different perspective. I am beginning to see everything anew. Now I understand why Supramania Swami sat before Yogi Ramsuratkumar's samadhi watching the Pradosa abhisegam for one solid hour without even moving an inch or an eyelid. A Siddha who came by his home had stopped his 40-year desire to build a temple asking him, "Why are you who are in the Gnana Margam going back to Bhakti?" So what did this Gnani see in this ritual? Similarly, when Swami Vishnudevananda writes on his first encounter with his master Swami Sivananda, in "My Years With The Master" at http://www.sivanandaonline.org, he describes the following.

Before leaving, I went down the Ganga where it was the custom of the Ashram to do Aarati (waving of lights) every evening. All the devotees and inmates of the Ashram assembled by the banks of the Ganga to watch Master perform this evening worship. I was skeptical. I was of scientific temperament and knew that a river is only water, H2O - imagine worshipping H20!! But as I stood there and watched Master waving the lights, I saw the river become a mass of flowing lights. At that instant, the river assumed a divine flow, a manifestation of the Grace of the Lord. Master turned and looked at me and in my mind, I heard his message, “God pervades everything; this too is His Special Form.” This entirely changed my outlook on life.

So how do we explain to others? It's kind of how Agathiyar is trying really hard to describe what he sees to us, who are blind to it. It is like in the following video where a blind man asks a young lad to describe the world we live in and the lad asking the blind man to describe his. It is like how I always ask my granddaughter to tell me what she was thinking and what she sees.

THE CALLING 4 - CLOSER TO HOME

The many mystical and mind-blowing experiences that I encountered or rather the Atma arranged for me to have in India continue. Back then I could not relate them as the workings of the Atma until Agathiyar revealed the nature of the Atma in his memo to us. 

• Coming unknowingly into the presence of my guru Supramania Swami in his village home in Tiruvannamalai, in 2003, I wept silently for the whole duration of our sitting, some 5 solid hours till dusk, as he revealed about me without charting my horoscope though he was an astrologer. The moment the Atma brought me to my guru in physical form and have me have an audience with him broke the dam again and made me cry. I did not plan anything. The Atma came through my wife who at the moment I stepped out of my house to board the waiting taxi to the airport to take the flight to India, told me since we had not seen the horoscope for my second daughter, asked if it was possible to chart it in India. That request brought me before Supramania Swami. The Atma switched the driver and sent Deva to fetch me at Chennai airport instead. The Atma had me finish all my remedies at the temples earlier than scheduled and had me meet my guru. As Agathiyar mentioned in his memo to us the Atma rectified my karma as I took heed of Agathiyar's instructions in the Nadi and made the pilgrimage to India to carry out my remedies. Once that part was settled, I was freed from the shackle. I could now meet my guru. Deva who was Supramania Swami's brother-in-law, brought me to him after I asked him if he knew any astrologer. Call it coincidence, the unexpected, anything. I knew then that our lives are ruled by divine forces however much we deny it. Just as the Atma decides the family circle where the Atma can flourish and grow, for a man who chooses to believe, the Atma brings him places conducive for his upbringing and to people who shall tutor him further. 

ஆன்மாவே உனது கர்ம வினையைச் சரிசெய்வதற்கு உதவி புரியும். கர்மவை சரி செய்த பின், ஆன்மாவின் தேடல் அதிகமாகி மனிதனின் அன்றாட தேடல் தீர்ந்து போகும். அவன் தேடல் முழுதாய் என்னையே தேடி வர முயற்சி செய்யும்.

The magical moments continued back on our shores too. 

• Two years later in 2005, as I bid farewell to Tavayogi, after meeting him for the first time in Malaysia, as it was customary, I fell at Tavayogi's feet. He moved back and told me never to do that again. Instead, he pointed me to a pair of wooden sandals or Padhugai, telling me to fall only at Agathiyar's feet. He showed me to Afathiyar's feet. Only when Tavayogi pointed out, that I saw the sandals and the painting of Agathiyar in the meditation room of his local affiliate Peedham in Batu Caves. It was just as I had no awareness of my surroundings in the presence of the Divine in all the temples I visited in India. The moment I touched the wooden sandal, I broke into tears and began crying aloud for reasons I could not comprehend. It was not that I wanted to cry but it happened suddenly and spontaneously. The cry came from within without my control or me initiating it. I cried my heart out. I guessed then that my soul got connected with Him recognizing him finally after staying away for some 43 years in this birth and who knows the many other births in the past too. My guess was right. Agathiyar says the same of the Atma in his memo.

• As my moments with the guru became more frequent, later in 2010, when I was with Tavayogi at an affiliate Peedham of his in Seri Gombak, and as I stood in line with the other devotees to get his blessings, just as I got on my knees in front of him, there was a sudden burst of laughter and joy that overcame me. Simultaneously Tavayogi went into a state of laughter and cry too. I did not understand neither of our actions. Surprisingly nobody took notice of what had just happened. I figured that these are moments where we connect with God and guru. Later as I drove him to Bukit Rotan to visit a new temple that was under construction, I asked him what had taken place that day. He immediately hushed me looking back to the guide who was drowsing off in the back seat. I never got to know the answer. But Agathiyar has confirmed my guess through his memo.

These spontaneous and unintentional cries become quite a regular affair in the places of worship that I visited. 

• As I stood with my family at the Sri Jeganathar Sivalayam in Tapah, I was overcome by emotion and cried for reasons I do not know. Again surprisingly just as none of those gathered at the affiliate Peedham of Tavayogi at Seri Gombak mentioned above took notice of what transpired between Tavayogi and me, the disciples of a Swamiji who was residing at Sri Jeganathar Sivalayam with his entourage too did not notice what was taking place. It is as if these moments are veiled from the sight of others. My family was always the sole witness. I felt the grace of my Paramaguru. I guess I touched the Atma and vice versa. Tavayogi was a student of Chitramuthu Adigal. Chitramuthu Adigal in turn was a disciple of Jeganathar. Jeganathar was a disciple of Ramalinga Adigal. Ramalinga Adigal's guru was Agathiyar. The Atma brings us to the lineage of gurus.

• When I was with my family at the Siva Subramaniam Alayam, Kampung Kepayang that is inside a cave, I was again overcome by emotion. The Atma shook my very core again I believe.

• When my family and I had prayed at the Nattukkottai Chettiar Temple, Penang, and stepped out, a man mending to his flower shop pointed us to the Arulmigu Balathandayuthapani Temple, atop the hill where its temple tower was visible from where we stood, as we asked for direction to go over there next. I went into a state of joy and laughter on looking in the direction he pointed. He told my family, "He is in bliss." I guess I felt the bliss of the Atma then.

• Then the highlight and pinnacle or grand finale of all these show of energy and its corresponding vibrations happened in the silent inner caves of the Sri Siva Shanmugar Temple in Sungai Siput. When the priest or Gurukul who had taken us on a tour of the cave stopped at a spot and revealed to me and my family that that was the spot where our Paramaguru Chitramuthu Adigal had meditated for years, I went into a spin, and fell on my back in a depression in the ground, missing the boulders by inches. This was the only instance caught on video. I must have connected with the Atma/Agathiyan/Erai.

But I never prodded or investigated these happenings. I took it in my stride and moved one. Only my family stood witness to all these strange happenings until others began to notice them at our puja at AVM. But none questioned me. Today I can share them as I have understood that it is all part of the process. Let those who can connect and understand these phenomena watch, and read with awe and gratitude. As for the others, they shall arrive there soon to accept, believe and treasure these moments. Balakumaran Aiya in revealing the video of what had taken place when Yogi Ramsuratkumar touched his head and back after he asked if there was God and if the Yogi could show him, gives us an idea of the often spoken about energies hidden deep within us waiting to be arisen by the touch of a guru. I was glad that he decided to release the video after 22 years. But the Tv channel made it dramatic with their narration and music as usual. Otherwise, it is an eye-opener of the power of energies within us rarely caught on video. Similarly, someone someday shall be glad that I shared my video too.