After Agathiyar revealed about the Udal, Uyir, and Atma through his memo to us, I see his divine hand in all the happenings in my life. I have come to understand what he told me in all the fifty-plus Nadi readings and his spoken words, and all that Tavayogi said in passing.
The Atma that hovered and shadowed me right from the start of life in my mother's womb, hid behind the veil once I learned that I could make decisions on my own and when I began to exhibit the opposites, likes and dislikes, attachment and detachment, joy and sadness, calm and anger, and all the multitude of other emotions. The Atma stood watch over me never interfering as I grew up from being a kid to a teen and a young adult. Making no sense of all the prayers, readings, and discussions over it that could not bring me any closer to explain why God was cruel to some, Lord Shiva came in a dream to push me to take a break from all forms of worship and reading that I undertook as a bachelor back then between the years 1980 until 1988. The Atma stood back and watched as I plowed through life further, fully living for the self now, the "I". The Atma stood and watched behind the veil as karma dealt blows on me in the form of disappointments, failures, obstacles, delays, etc. But the Atma waited patiently for the day when my "I" dropped. The Atma returned to advise me after 14 years when I lost my "I" that instant when I obeyed the commandments of the divine that came in a mysterious way. My nephew brought the message which I came to know years later was from Agathiyar. The Atma which belonged to Agathiyar came to take possession or தடுத்து ஆட்கொண்டது after the long separation. Agathiyar brought me the Vasudeva mantra that magically cleared the way for better things. The Atma came to save me and lead me on a path - that of the Siddhas. Agathiyar who was in me all the while from the beginning of my life and even in former lives came back as the Atma and kindled my interest in seeing the Nadi. Through the Nadi he had me finish my rounds of parikaram or remedies for my past karma that stood before me depriving me of the benefits of my previous home puja, and my yoga practices. I had taken on more karma both good and bad, as I plowed through life fulfilling my wishes and desires and giving in to my wants. After mentioning my past karma and the remedies in a Nadi reading, Agathiyar asked that I worship the Siddhas besides the Gods and Goddesses whom I had followed since I remember. A new era in my worship began. Upon fulfilling the remedies and atoning for my past actions, Agathiyar forgave me for all my wrongdoings.
Once the score was settled and we broke even, Agathiyar introduced me to my gurus in physical form, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai and later to Tavayogi of Kallar Ashram. Prior to these precious moments meeting the gurus, I had no inclination to meet any gurus. Many these days want to know about the Siddhas but stop short of learning about them from masters, books, YouTube, and other social media too. They gather the knowledge just as they gather knowledge in other fields. I was blessed that Agathiyar who stood as the Atma drove me to them. I happened to see an advert appear daily in a Tamil daily back then in 2005 that announced the opening of an affiliate branch which I was to find out later, of Tavayogi in Malaysia. I called the branch to ask if I could meet him. The meeting took place almost immediately. I told Tavayogi that Agathiyar had asked me to come to his path. Listening to me share my Nadi reading that I had had in 2002, where Agathiyar had asked me to worship the Siddhas, Tavayogi told me that I had come to the right place and I shall learn all about it at his local branch. But Agathiyar pulled me from there and placed me under the wings of Tavayogi directly. Agathiyar in the Gnana Kaandam asked me to spend some days at Kallar Ashram and go on a pilgrimage which Tavayogi volunteered to bring me on. I had first-hand experience tracking through the jungles and sleeping in the caves with him. He had introduced me to the Prapanjam and nature that is the home and abode of the Siddhas. Bringing me to carry out simple rituals both Agathiyar and Tavayogi had me perform libation of his statue or abhisegam and light the sacrificial fire or Homam at home respectively. The bridge was laid for the Siddhas to traverse from the Prapanjam into my home. After 2019 when Agathiyar brought a stop to all pilgrimages and travels, rituals, and puja, which was reinforced by the advent of the pandemic three months later, he has had us go within. Initially, I thought that we were to go into meditation which did not come easy for me. I realized now that in going within he wanted us to investigate the nature of the Udal, Uyir, and Atma first. I guess having this knowledge will speed up the process of losing our hold on the Udal and shift the mode of the Uyir to align with the Atma henceforth. For this purpose, Agathiyar had us revisit the yogic practices that Tavayogi had taught us and have us read up on his two books, "Andamum Pindamum" and "Atma Gnanam". Agathiyar on his part guided us to observe the breath. Ramalinga Adigal came to help us connect with the Prapanjam.
So when I came down with pain in my lower back for the fourth time in 10 years, I requested Agarthiyar and the Prapanjam to heal my pain. It left overnight as opposed to some 3 years the first time in 2011, weeks in 2016, and several months in 2018. Though the herbs recommended by Agathiyar, an injection from Dr. Jana, some exercises from Shanga, a gym instructor, and Varma therapy from Master Arunan, Master Yuvaraj, and Balamurugan helped bring some relief in 2011, the moment of relief from the pain in its entirety came when the physiotherapist asked me to perform the 5 exercises she gave. All the previous treatment culminated into that single moment when the knot was released as I moved into the first position. The pain left for good but resurfaced in 2016. Dhanvathri came to stroke my back with his sacred ash and Tavayogi who was visiting us passed a herbal tablet he had on hand. In 2018 Lord Murugan came through the Nadi and a devotee simultaneously, to stroke my back with peacock feathers and asked me to drink water that was energized by the recitation of the Arutperunjothi mantra. Now as it reared its head again I asked Agathiyar what reason was he going to give me. He did reply that he was not going to beat around the bush. The chakras in me are undergoing cleansing currently and that I had to bear the pain. If his Agathiyar Kuzhambu that he made available to me earlier, in cleansing the internals, brought a balance to the three dosas, now the Atma was working in tandem with Agathiyar cleansing and purifying the chakras. Besides that Agathiyar had us read a lot too. The reason we are asked to know the tattvas is to break their hold on us one by one and eventually for good, hence liberating ourselves gaining Atma Liberation or ஆன்மா விடுதலை. Gaining that Arivu and Gnanam that breaks the shackles that have bound us all this while is a moment of total bliss. When the "I" that held on to all the prior notions and that veiled the Atma sending it into the dungeons is dropped, the Atma is freed to speak up. The voice of the Atma is heard. The realization dawns that the Atma was, is, and will be in existence brings tremendous bliss. No amount of reading about the Atma brings us there. Only the experience does.
Agathiyar had us go through the experience first before filling us in on the reasons. He never lit the path its entire way but in giving us a hint or a tool had us work our way around. When we begin to grope in the dark he appears as the light. When we stumble and fall he picks us up. He did not build a grand motorway for us to cruise on. When Tavayogi had to ride it out in unknown terrain and unpredictable climate to gain those priced and treasured insights, I was blessed to come this far with minimum damage. It is all due to the grace of the gurus. My wife and children would joke that the alignment of the chassis that was my body has run out. In trying to stay on my feet I have to find the best pose that inflicts the least pain. Many lose sight of the track or fall back while only a few still tread the path believing in Agathiyar. Agathiyar says he wants to make us all Siddhas, equal and at par or even excel him, but sadly we say we want to look up to him and see him and worship him forever like God. We are not prepared to make the switch or transition.
அவர்கள் என்மீது மட்டுமே ஆசை கொண்டு இருப்பதுதான் எமக்கு வருத்தம். நான் கூறிய பயிற்சிகளைச் செய்யாமல் இருப்பதுதான் எனது வருத்தம். பரவாயில்லை காலம் கனியும்போது அவர்கள் வருவார்கள்.
Neale Donald Walsch walks us through a conversation between a Little Soul and God in his "The Little Soul and the Sun", a children's parable adapted from "Conversations with God", Hampton Roads Publishing Company Ins, 1998.
The Little Soul knew itself to be the Light but it wanted to experience itself as Light. And God said that if it wanted to know the Light it must also know the Darkness. For how else can one know Up without Down, Hot without Cold, Fast without Slow? Then the Little Soul understood that in getting to know Who It Really Is, it would have to know the opposite. Knowing who it was, was not enough. The Little Soul wanted to be who it was. God asks him, "You mean you want to be Who You Already Are?" The Little Soul replies that it wanted to feel what it is like to be the Light. God goes on to explain. "Well, there is nothing else but the Light." But as the Little Soul wanted to know itself as the Light amidst the Light, God tells him, "Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we will surround you with darkness which is that which you are not." God explains that in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear, reminding the soul, for instance, not to shake his fist and raise his voice and curse the darkness when he is surrounded by it. "Rather be a Light unto the darkness and do not be mad about it. Let your Light so shine that everyone will know how special you are." And so the Little Soul embarked upon an adventure very much like that we all share on Earth.
The story goes on to narrate how the young soul who knew he was Light but wanted to experience it, chose to pick the desired action that he would like to do, from a list of many, once he is on earth. He chooses the act of forgiving. Another soul immediately steps up to join the soul in fulfilling its wish by being the perpetrator so that the young soul can then forgive him. They both come down to earth to live out their desires. This desire triggers a chain of events, a learning process takes place and several experiences are recorded, whereby the soul becomes enriched through these experiences. We, being Light in essence, for want of experiencing it, had darkness and all opposites created for us. As all the souls are perfect, many wanted and volunteered to come down to help us gain the experience. Thus, we had all known each other earlier. We had planned to be together here. Those who needed a particular experience chose to come early, while others remained behind to join later. We have worked out all things at the level of the soul and wait for it to take shape and happen or act it out on the physical plane - earth. We create the situation and the scenario, allowing all our wishes to take shape. What we are going through is what we had asked for. We had asked for this experience and hence are enacting the role and taking on the experiences. Hence, when we begin to understand that everything comes to take its respective form and place according to the wishes of the souls and the divine law of nature (God), we can settle down and accept all that is seen.