AT PEACE WITH ONESELF

One wonders why the gurus and saints do not take along their followers when they leave. Agathiyar in winding up the AVM and Amudha Surabhi group told us that henceforth it was a solo journey within where all external activities shall be dropped. Each has to make the journey solo. But how many were ready for it? Many had only just stepped into matrimony and were raising a family. He had me move ahead telling me not to wait for others for my journey would be delayed as age was catching up with me. I had only some precious years left to reach the understanding that he was to bring on from within. He worked on me bringing me to the understanding that we were one. It was not that I was Agathiyar. He made me understand that the Soul was one. He made me understand that we had existed and shall exist for years to come. He made me understand that we are unperishable. This is enough. I shall rest in peace. Is this what is meant by "Saagaamal Saagum Nilai" that Ramalinga Adigal spoke about? 

I had come across a piece on King Janaka who had lived the life of a Jeevan Mukta while caring for his nation and subjects. Vasishta gives a full discourse to Rama on reflection of life and the nature of the true Self and its relation to the world that he sees as an illusion. Vasishta narrates the story of King Janaka to Rama. Janaka happened to come by a group of Siddhas, one fulfilled in his purpose, that he has no more to search and seek, singing the Siddha song called Siddha Geeta in chorus. Hearing the Siddha song drove Janaka into deep thought and inquiry. As he sat at the verandah of his palace and gazed out into the plains in deep thought, he thought of how minute his span of life upon this earth compared to the ceaseless course of the eternal time.

"My soul was ageless before it came here. After leaving here too is going to be endless. Yet I being a fool think this present or middle period upon earth to be the real. My fame, fortune, and riches are false. Where are the riches of the so-called monarchs who ruled this earth? All that was there at one time have gone to sheer dust later", laments the King alone. Brooding long about life, Janaka realizes, "All my dangers and calamities are the net, woven by the hundreds of threads of my own desires and ambitions." Caught in this net, he says he had enough of this weaving and enough of this bondage. "Let me take resolve to rest in my inner chamber. Now I have at last been awakened by this high-souled Siddhas. From now on I shall heed my soul, and follow the Atma, which is the only sure means to attain freedom and supreme bliss. Let me sit alone and withdrawn. I shall win quietude in my own soul and find all my peace and contentment therein. Like the soul in my body, let me sit quietly and still, alone and contented." 

In these quiet moments, his minister came to announce the arrival of dignitaries from abroad. He then decided, "However, let me rise up. Let the body pursue whatever it has been used to. To restrain it all of a sudden will be wrong and damaging. If the mind remains desireless the results of actions done by the body and its limbs will be taintless." Janaka made his way to meet his royal visitors. Having reflected thus at length Janaka attended to all his duties and work relating to his kingdom. He was neither over-concerned nor worried. He was dwelling cheerfully in the present accepting whatever came to him as an event or duty. The Divine brought him to a state of indifference and non-attachment even as he continued to rule his kingdom. He realized that the soul neither can benefit from action nor beget harm by inaction. It is pure and immortal. From then on Janaka became a Jeevan Mukta. This is the sublime teaching of the Siddha Geeta.

ABIDING IN THE ATMA

The Siddhas though through the Nadi can fill us in on what is in store for us, can reveal what went wrong in the past to earn another birth, and what is going on in the present, who can tell us what is in store after we drop this physical birth? Who can furnish details about this never-ending story of taking birth again and again? Every holy man and saint seems to have dropped their mortal form like everyone else too. So how can they be considered to be way above the average man? They have discovered the Soul or Atma within them. Most of us don't till our last breath leaves us. That places them apart from us. 

To know the Soul is to know God and to be One with Him.

If Jason Gregory says that the most dangerous book for the Ego is the "Avadhuta Gita", similarly I would say that the following song too kills one's ego.

BLISS

First, in 1988, he had me drop all my questions and doubts telling me to keep them for a later date. That day came in 2002, after some 14 years when it was answered in my very first Nadi reading. After these 14 years of hibernation, he connected me back to the Gods and Goddesses asking me to go on a pilgrimage, my very first abroad, to India in 2003. He showed me to my very first guru in the physical form, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai. In 2005 he showed me to Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal who was on the path of the Siddhas. When Supramania Swami left his mortal frame behind, my journey on the path continued with further guidance from Tavayogi. Tavayogi had me drop my attachment to all things, even to him. After Tavayogi left his mortal frame behind, my journey on the path continued with further guidance from Agathiyar. He had me drop my attachment to all things too, even to him. I have come to understand that this path is one of renunciation. It is to let go of all things, even one's gurus and deities. It is to be with oneself, relishing in the glory of the soul or Atma. It is to be continuously present in the state of bliss. It is to be continually present in the state of emptiness.

ARRIVING HOME

One would think that coming to the Siddhas we would come to learn about them and their story. But on the contrary, they never chose to speak about them but instead were more concerned about our transformation. There was never a moment that they shifted their glance away from us. As a concerned parent would monitor a child so did Agathiyar monitor us. His dream was to see us become another Siddha. Hence, they first called us to the Nadi and revealed the story of creation at least the reasons for us taking this birth. Traveling with him further, Agathiyar revealed the story of creation at least how the soul or Atma supervised the formation of this gross body from an embryo, a fetus and into a child. He revealed how the Atma would step aside having done its initial work. Giving way to our past Karma that would continue to work on us they await for the exact moment when the ego in us begins to give way to a divine inspiration. The Atma in us draws the curtain aside and comes to lead us further, bringing a guru in an external form along to show us path and the means and the ways. Traveling on the path the Atma continues to guide us from within, having us drop even the need for an external guru any further. The Atma reveals itself within us bringing on Atma Darisanam. It stands and stays as the guru. We are one with it. We arrive home. 

RETURNING HOME

I knew nothing about the Siddhas before the calling came via a Nadi reading in 2002. Agathiyar asked me to include the worship of the Siddhas besides the other deities in the Hindu pantheon of Gods and Goddesses. I took it up. But who was going to guide me? I looked up the local chapter of the Agathiyar Sanmarga Sangam Ongkarakudil based in Turaiyur. I step onto the premises of the mission in Dengkil. Three wonderful souls welcomed us with a smile and fed both my wife and me food to appease our hunger and materials in the form of audio cd's and books to quench our thirst to know more about the Siddhas. They were Anbarasan, Manivannan and Jayanthi. It added to the brief introduction to conducting a Siddha worship as conducted by Nadi reader Senthilkumar, as a form of paying a homage to the Siddhas for documenting my numerous lives journeys in these palm leaves. When I left for India the following year to carry out my remedies or Parikaram given by Agathiyar in the Nadi reading, I paid a visit to the patron of the society Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar upon the insistence of this trio. His teachings that I watched, listened and read taught me the theoretical side of the Siddhas. I now had an idea of who the Siddhas were and what they were capable of. But Agathiyar I guess was not happy with me just picking up this knowledge. He wanted me to tread the path. For this purpose, he had Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal visit our shores in 2005. I paid a visit to him and told him that Agathiyar wanted me to come to the path. He replied that I had come to the right place, a local affiliation of his which he had come to officiate. But Agathiyar thought otherwise and had me get another initiation from Tavayogi and head for his ashram following his departure back to Kallar ashram. The night of my stay at Kallar Ashram, Agathiyar came and asked Tavayogi what he was giving me. I soon found out that he had Tavayogi take me places where Agathiyar performed miracles just as he had revealed shall take place in my Nadi reading. And so my travel began on the path of the Siddhas, guided by Tavayogi and Agathiyar.

By having me come out of Sariyai that was basically temple worship in 1988, Agathiyar had me and others he sent over to my home in 2010 perform Kriyai, engaging in puja and rituals, charity and feeding. Tavayogi passed on a set of Pranayama and Asana techniques in 2007 that Agathiyar said was a treasure. The journey came to a standstill in 2019. Then he came through his devotees passing on Gnanam or divine wisdom. We learned to look within for answers rather than seeking outside. The search stopped. All association stopped. All talk stopped. All reading stopped. The year 2022 saw internal transformations take place that jolted me out of my seat. But Agathiyar was on hand to explain what was taking place. 

What have I learned in these years of traveling the Siddha path? I learned Kriyai from the rituals and charity, Yogam by putting my body, mind and soul into it, and learned to see a different perspective of life that from the eyes of the Siddhas through the many brief moments they came through devotees and revealed the inner meanings of all the experiences both worldly and internal that was Gnanam. He taught us to drop them all at the end. He initially told us about Karma and its effects and the reason for us to take birth again and again and had us carry out remedies asked us to forgive ourselves hence dropping them too. As my wife at one instance told me that we were getting hooked and addicted, and "high" on doing puja and charity, indeed looking back now we are grateful that Agathiyar pull us away from drowning further in these pleasures that are sure to take hold and control us. He had us let go after taking in the experiences. We dropped worship; we dropped the rituals; and we dropped doing charity and feeding hence dropping Kriyai. We dropped all the exercises, techniques and practices, hence dropping Yogam. He even asked to drop Gnanam that he delivered after the experiences that came by, asking us not to carry it with us. 

So what do I do these days? I while my time doing nothing these days. I am at peace with myself. I am contented. I have returned home. 

THE WORDS

In the movie "The Words" Jeremy Irons appearing as "The Old Man" in the movie, in speaking on the manuscript he wrote says "The words simply poured out of him, a stream that he could not control nor question where they came from." He later says that "We all make choices in life. The hardest thing is to live with them. And there aren't nobody can help you with them."

I was never a writer though many considered me as a good artist. My artistic talent though it caught the attention of my primary school teachers and later the public where I was approached and given assignments did not take off professionally as I opted for and joined the folds of civil engineering making it a career. I did harbor a dream to become a movie director though. But as in the former, better sense told me to look for a better sustainable job rather than chase my dream. Today I can boldly say I had no choice in picking my studies, my career, my family, my home, and everything else as it was determined by a divine hand. I settled for all these that came my way. I guess that is what saved the day for me.

So how did I begin writing that lead to the birth of several websites and finally this blog? I thought I should document my travel to India back then in 2003. It was my maiden travel to any other country for that matter. I meticulously listed the many places Agathiyar wanted me to visit and carry out remedies or parikaram for my past karma. I looked through the map of the Indian subcontinent and identified the route I would take and the many places of worship that were on the route which I would stop over to visit not knowing that Agathiyar would have a say and a hand in my destiny then. The late Dr Krishnan in charting and reading my horoscope in 1996 told me that I would write. Coming to Agathiyar he had me write on my internal changes and the experiences it brought. Though not much to shout about these were starters on yet another travel within to know the soul or Atma. He would give me the words and the sentences that comes together taking a form, subject and story for the day. I would immediately get to jot them down for they come to pass as fast as they come through. I would then look for references to them reading up on the experiences and writings of others for Tavayogi always told me that we need references to strengthen what we wrote. Writing has since then come easy just as art did. 

THE CRADLE OF LOVE, COMPASSION AND HUMBLENESS 2

When many take the stage and vomit ideas and their understanding of the uncomprehensible divinity only to boost their existing egos, Ramalinga Adigal who started young and had seen the divinity in all its glory and experienced the mystical and magical workings of the divine, declares that he was still an illiterate in understanding the divine play.

https://thiruarutpa.org/thirumurai/v/T241/tm/muraiyiitu

After having traveled far he tells us that there is much that is ahead and beyond words. These states have to be experienced and cannot be explained by mere words.

Believe not if someone were to say that he knows all for even the great lady saint Avvai tells us that what we know is only palm-full; what we do not know is enormous as is this world. Yogi Ramsuratkumar had mentioned to a disciple that he saw seven moons when the latter was disappointed that the former was not looking in the direction were stood the majestic moon shining in all its luminosity. 

One has to be humble to admit he does not know. When Agathiyar asked the Siddhas what they knew many shared their findings and discoveries in numerous fields. When he turned to Bhogar, the latter replied he knew nothing. When Agathiyar questioned him again, he replied the same and added that "I know nothing except your Holy Feet, my master."

I have seen close aids of gurus jump the wagon and reply before their masters do to questions placed before them by devotees. A good student would remain silent until he is asked to speak. 

No amount of speaking, explanation, discourses and Satsangs would bring us to know the truth. Lord Dhakshanamurthy who kept explaining to his four students eventually remained silent sensing that an answer would prompt another question in them and there would be no end to these intellectual sessions. The moment he went into his original state of silence divine knowledge and wisdom dawned in his students.

Both Tavayogi and Agathiyar had me experience life both the material and spiritual before clarifying their inner and subtle meanings. They had me hit the dirt road and find out for myself rather than hold classes. Each man shall bring on unique experiences in his life. Life is indeed varied in all manners. So are the means and methods, the way and the journey, the path and the travel for each. Finally, it is a solo journey towards his kingdom and into his waiting arms. 

THE CRADLE OF LOVE, COMPASSION & HUMBLENESS 1

The guru be it in the human form or God given form and names or as an unseen divinity, is a cradle of love, compassion and humbleness. One shall begin to follow and emulate his guru sooner or later for as Yogi Ramsuratkumar says once we are in the King cobra's (guru) jaws there is no escape. One can learn from such saints on devotion to the guru (not to his physical form) but the aura and the teachings he transmits. One such guru is Yogi Ramsuratkumar.

S. Parthasarathy in a very elaborate account of Yogi’s life in his book, BIOGRAPHY OF YOGI RAMSURATKUMAR - THE GODCHILD OF TIRUVANNAMALAI (AMARAKAVIYAM), writes how the magic unfolded in three simple steps.

1. Without adopting any rituals and not leaning on any traditional conditioned customs of the religion, Ram Surat Kunwar (the Yogi’s original name) braved his path with the pure faith upon his Guru and reached the other shore safely.
2. Mysterious were the ways of the Masters who worked on him and brought him to Tiruvannamalai for the sake of his children who should also cross this mighty ocean of Samsara.
3. Without preaching any conventional religious practices, Yogi asked the people to remember his own Name which would evolve them to the highest Spiritual State.

But the guru shall play his game, toying with the seekers to test to see who stays on for life. Even after several earlier visits, Swami Ramdas, who was to become his guru did not inspire the Yogi. The Yogi has this to say about his guru.

"Papa (Ramdas) did not allow this beggar to understand Him. The time was not ripe. This beggar had to wait till Papa Himself revealed His Divinity to this beggar, to make this beggar understand that Papa was his Father." 

But when finally, the Yogi accepted and surrendered to Ramdas, Ramdas did not receive him well.

Systematically Swami Ramdas and Mataji Krishnabai made Ram Surat Kunwar behave like a mad man and made the world believe that he had become mad. They drove him out of the ashram forcibly so that he would remember them constantly. They used harsh language whenever he was before them among the crowd of the devotees. By doing so Swami Ramdas and Mataji Krishnabai removed his ego totally. But it took a very long time. In the process, the pain, the sufferings he experienced were acute. Ram Surat Kunwar again asked Swami Ramdas to allow him and his family to live in the ashram. 

He said, “Papa, I have come here with the great faith that you would allow me with my family to live here. I am not able to work anywhere since the initiation. If you drive me away, where shall I go and how can I live?” 

Papa vehemently answered, “Go and beg. You cannot live in the ashram. There are enough people in the ashram to work. Remember, under a big tree, another big tree cannot grow. Only thorny bushes and grass alone will grow.” 

Ram Surat Kunwar shocked on listening to the words of his Master exclaimed, “Papa, should I beg for my food? Am I a beggar, Papa?” 

Papa, without answering, went inside. From that day Ram Surat Kunwar called himself a beggar. His Guru, His Master, His God asked him to beg and so he became a “beggar”.

In later years Yogi Ramsuratkumar said “Nobody can love this beggar like my Father Swami Ramdas and nobody can torture this beggar like my Father Swami Ramdas. My Father killed this beggar because He loved this beggar. This beggar died at the holy lotus feet of my father Swami Ramdas in the year 1952. After that my Father alone exists and not this beggar. This name Yogi Ramsuratkumar is not this beggar’s name; it is the name of my Father. Father would always shower his grace on the people who remember this name."

Learning from the guru and his life's experiences we can better understand their subtle workings rather than see things at face value. The Yogi has the following advice for other aspirants on this path,

“All your tapas and efforts would make you reach Guru’s Feet. Thereafter you need not bother about your spiritual growth. The Guru will take care of you. The Guru will see that you reach God. Even if you want to escape from the Guru, the Guru will not leave you. Like a frog in the mouth of a King Cobra, the disciple cannot escape from Guru. The only thing the disciple should do is remember the Guru and the Guru Mantra all the time. That is sufficient. Do not try to practice any method to reach God. Remember your Guru. That’s enough. Once you reach your Guru your sadhana efforts end here. Listen to your Guru and have faith in our Guru. Your Guru would take the responsibility of you and take you where you ought to reach. After reaching Guru’s feet, you need not worry about your spiritual growth. Just remember my Name. That is enough.” - Yogi

Indeed, both my physical gurus in this birth and their lineage and Agathiyar and the Siddhas have brought me to realize this state of complete surrender to the guru. I spend my remaining days held in the comfort of their arms, in the cradle of their love, compassion and humbleness.

I SHALL CONTINUE

All pleasures arise from within us. The sight of a beautiful woman induces the thought of making love to her. All taste is within us. Though each food has a particular taste and our tongues have taste buds the pleasure is derived from within us. Some might like a particular food while others might not. The aroma of freshly cooked delicacies induces hunger in us having us go searching for food. The pleasures of watching something arise within us as these sights and sounds accentuate these moments. So does anger, hatred, and sorrow arise from within us. It moves us to do horrible things. The world around us and its components like in all the above things only go so far as to create these passions, feelings, and yearnings. Similarly, love, compassion, devotion, and bliss arise from within us. If initially the experiences with things external trigger them, later the internal experiences strengthen them. If man takes charge of his emotions though, he then shall remain still. This is the state of Samadhi, one with the source, a state of non-interference. Hence man has no choice but to let go. He has to let go of his hold on all things voluntarily. Otherwise, the day would come when he is pulled away forcefully from clinging to this body, life, relationships, and belongings. Having us indulge in and participate actively, and gain a myriad of experiences in life, Agathiyar eventually has us drop everything and do nothing. 

Learn to let go. It would make our final journey and transition into another world that is much subtler easier. Listening to the songs of Sadhu Om, a disciple or Bhagawan Ramana who listened, imbibed, and lived his teachings helps us get across this sea of attachment.

https://www.youtube.com/c/SADHUOMCHANNEL

Apparently, I posted in my last post that I would stop writing too. But I guess it shall go on till my final breath for Agathiyar has asked that I share my experiences with my readers. This could only mean that even at the moment of death I should document the process of moving into another world till the last thought and experience diminishes into thin air. 

KNOWING THYSELF

In the last post, I wrote, "I always wanted to know where and when it all began for me. What was the first wrong move that I made that started the cycle of death and birth or was it birth first and death later? I guess I created my own problems, and it blew out of proportion as we all began integrating and socializing taking on more baggage that is still being circulated around and has never settled down" and  taking on loads of information only to be vomited to others, 

The Mountain is back to being the Mountain. The Search has Stopped. The Questions have Dropped. The Understanding has Dawned. But most importantly the Acceptance has Come. One is at Peace with One's Self. Stillness Prevails. This is the gist of the entire Journey and Travel that has to come to the point of Standstill where Space and Time Stand Still. Now I understand what Agathiyar meant when he replied "Do Nothing" to my Question if I had to do anything further after the Volcano erupted in me in 2022. The Calling that came by Way of a Nadi reading in 2002 was a Reminder from the Past. The Journey seeking the Siddhas brought me to Know Myself as One. What more is there to Say or Write? I shall Drop this too. It has been a fine Journey that I have shared with Fellow Travellers of this blog. Thank you for traveling with me. I pray that you see the Light too.

• In Search of the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EzzCZFKoicCmpC2iUnRFpFcD38OzhJO9/view

• Coming to the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1O4rnaRcMKPbPfLdMxjssuoMQan-gD6fj/view?pli=1

• In the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIK2Lz2NIZ6Augc4QqpL9gHH70lWdMOp/view

• Fire of Devotion at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jCMasLnaBpZi4QsLsbBVADZziqDOU6He/view

• Feeding the Flame at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bduv5PhFtuqncAherXq8WMPJ80yXFd7n/view

• The End of the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LROMeh45Ry-KGwTx7N3G7F1NuzIyiZPt/view

• First Encounters with the Masters at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zrx_4OZnF7ss8754vh6W6r5afD6P_Sew/view

• Guru Disciple Relationship at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BNLP9fdJ2OFQzVgSBsvp0x3RAMYeyDFJ/view
• Milestones on the Path at https://drive.google.com/file/d/17UoMCNHxotIiDPnDTgc078LfGziEmeUJ/view

• Being Grateful at  https://drive.google.com/file/d/16UcTsba4TJ0bROExJ1xBuNMf-up7Tklb/view

WAITING FOR THE DUST TO SETTLE

In the movie "My Hindu Friend" director Hector Babenco introduces a character whom I would associate with Yaman who comes to take away lives. He comes as a stranger before Diego Fairman who is diagnosed with cancer and hospitalized. The conversation between them is interesting.

Diego Fairman: Who are you?

I came to take you.

Diego Fairman: Take me where? What if I told you I didn't want to go?

That's what they all say. What am I supposed to do?

Diego Fairman: What I would like to know is why me?

There is no logic. Maybe someone denounced you. I just obey orders.

Diego Fairman: I would like to speak to your supervisor.

Sounds like you want to complicate things. But I should tell you, if you don't come with me now, old age is pretty ridiculous and undignified.

Diego Fairman: Who do you work for?

A multinational enterprise. We are market leaders. 

Diego Fairman: Market? What market is that?

Market. The market is the market.

Diego Fairman: And who invented that market?

The market was created by the market itself. Back to the caveman days, when man exchanged something with another man, they created the market. And profit drives the market. You cannot argue with that because profit is sacred. Gods behind everything. I don't get extra money for philosophy classes. Shall we (leave)?

I always wanted to know where and when it all began for me. What was the first wrong move that I made that started the cycle of death and birth or birth first and death later? I guess I created my own problems and it blew out of proportion as we all began integrating and socializing taking on more baggage that is still being circulated around and has never settled down. 

BURNING MY FINGERS

When Anita Moorjani speaks about her unfinished purpose coming here that was linked to her husband and that she was required to come back after being in a coma, I recall Agathiyar in a Nadi reading telling my wife and me that we came together again in this birth because our daughter who was also with us in a past birth in Papanasam, South India, had wished for us to be with her again. Just like the division in cells, from a single cell, we came to be a fully grown individual, we are all indeed connected as souls, arising from the one or Yegan or ParamAtma. 

In "The Little Soul and the Sun" by Neale Donald Walsch, published by Hampton Roads Publishing Company, 1998, a Little Soul told God, "I want to feel what it is like to be the Light." 

God tells him, "There is no easy way for you to experience yourself as who you are since there is nothing that you are not. In order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear" and he went on to explain the opposites of things. "Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we'll surround you with darkness" he continued. Giving him a list of ways he could be special and having the Little Soul add to it, the Little Soul chooses the part where he gets to forgive, saying it wants to experience it for itself. God grants the Little Soul's wish. A Friendly Soul then steps in to help the Little Soul realize the experience. When asked why it volunteered the Friendly Soul tells the Little Soul "Don't you remember? Oh, we have danced together, you and me many times. Through the eons and across all the ages have danced. Across all the time and in many places have we played together. You just don't remember. We have both been through all of it. We have been the male and female, the good and the bad, we have both been the victim and the villain of it. Thus we have come together, you and me many times before, each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to express and to experience who we really are." But the Friendly Soul tells the Little Soul that in having to do that unkind thing it would have to slow down its vibration and become very heavy. "I will come into your next lifetime and be the bad one this time. I will do something really terrible and then you can experience yourself as the one who forgives." We are here to help each other fulfill their wishes and that of others. We are here to learn from each other experiences besides gaining direct experiences. 

Agathiyar who told me that we had known each other for crores of years came into my life and charted my path again in this birth. When he came around asking each of us what we wanted, while some asked for their troubles and illnesses and of their dear ones to go away, and others asked for Siddhi and Mukti without having any notion of what it was except having heard and read about these states, he then turned to me and waited for my reply. Though I had nothing to ask of him, I was forced to a corner to ask something. Finally, thinking continued service to him would be a proper thing to ask, I told him that I would want to take many more births and serve him as I did now. He asked me if that was what I wanted which echoed Tavayogi's answers to my asking to see Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal in the past. I knew then that it was not the ultimate wish and definitely not what he wanted to hear from me. I kept quiet. He moved on. Later having a conversation with Mahindren about this over the phone and remembering Tavayogi remind us not to stagnate in devotion or Bakthi and seek Gnanam, I told him maybe I should have asked for Gnanam. Agathiyar eavesdrops on our conversation and tells me that I had wished for Gnanam when he came later. He replied that Gnanam was not gifted but that we have to now make the internal journey traversing the various chakras and gaining all the experiences that come with the transformations and changes. Just as Tavayogi took me literally and physically walking the path of the Siddhas taking me to their abodes in the jungles and caves, giving me mantras to chant, rituals to carry out, and Yoga practices, rather than have me sit and gain bookish knowledge, Agathiyar too wanted me to have these experiences first before he came to clarify Gnanam. 

When I went for my Nadi reading in the beginning years Agathiyar told me to drop my guilt and forgive myself for the wrongs I had done as it was his play too. He said that he wanted me to have these experiences too. 

When he and Lord Muruga kept bugging me to build a temple for them and I refused to budge, finally Agathiyar tells me that it was all their play. 

When Agathiyar brought strangers into my home and asked me to loan my home and my body for him to carry out his play, we saw him do healing and bring solace and peace to these lost souls.

When Lord Murugan asked me to give way and stand aside so that he could carry out his play, all heaven broke loose. When Agathiyar lost his cool, Lord Murugan had him calm down and took over from there.

When the time was right for me to know about Maya and the extent of its arms in all matters of creation, Agathiyar staged his divine play or Lila. Lord Muruga told me to be aware of Lord Siva's and Agathiyar's play who had Indran play the game of chess using me as bait, and in the midst of this chaos, have Ramalinga Adigal come and calm and hush me, telling me to just watch their divine play, it was pretty obvious that it was to give us the experiences and bring us to see the role of Maya in all of God's creation. Agathiyar later came to shed some light on it. As usual, he gave me the experiences first and the clarity later. The Divine has shown his 5 fold acts namely that of creation, sustenance, eradication, veiling, and finally showering his grace. It is not only us who are schooled here. If we came to school here it is said that Ramalinga Adigal built the Satya Gnana Sabai to school the Devas too. 

As Agathiyar said, "The sacred book that shall show you the way, can only be written by you and only you, your experiences penned in ink. "உனக்கு வழி காட்டும் புனிதநூல் உன்னால் மட்டுமே எழுதப்பட முடியும். அது உன்னுடைய அனுபவங்களைக் கொண்டுதான் எழுதப்பட வேண்டும்", Agathiyar like God who told the Little Soul wants us to experience life and return back to him. The poet Kannadhasan says it beautifully too. To understand every factor of life one has to live it out.

What comes out of life, I asked. Live it he (God) said.

What does reading teach, I asked. Read and you shall know he said.

What is knowledge I asked. Experience it and you shall know he said.

What is love I asked. Give it and you shall know he said.

What is love I asked. Share it and you shall know he said.

What are the pleasures in a relationship, I asked. Wed her and you shall know he said.

What is a child I asked. Give birth and you shall know he said.

What is old age I asked. Live it and you shall know he said.

What is poverty I asked. Live it and you shall know he said.

What comes after death I asked. Die and you shall know he said.

Then I asked him if it was all to be experienced, why do I need you? 

God took a step forward and whispered, "I am these experiences."

Phew! What a journey it has been. If many learn the hard way, I am grateful to him for I only burnt my fingers to come to a state of realization. 

THE LURE OF MAYA

It has taken me 19 years to understand and comprehend what Tavayogi told me the very first day he stepped into my home in 2005. After inviting him over as I and my nephews sent him back to his temporary residence while visiting Malaysia, I voiced my joy and gratitude telling him that no Swami (or Holy man) had stepped into my home and that I was overjoyed having him come over. His reply stunned me as a bee's sting does. He said, "You are living in Maya. I am not a Swami as you think. I do not have anything (hidden) within my orange robe. Do not worship me. Worship Agathiyar." I was taken aback and remained silent all the way back to his residence. Though I felt confused and sad and could not figure out what he implied then, recently Agathiyar dwelt on this subject, clearing the air. He exposes the extent of Maya in covering the truth or rather creating an illusion of time and space and keeping us in the dark in all matters of creation and activity. In short, Agathiyar defines Maya as anything that goes through changes. Agathiyar challenges us to seek that which never changes. He asked that we seek that out. The only thing that does not change with time, and is not tied up with space, is the soul or Atma or to be specific the JeevAtma in all of us and all of creation. Live is but a series of fleeting moments. The soul watches it in silence.

If the planets are supposed to wreck our lives in this material world or deliver boons as the case might be, stepping onto the spiritual path and happily progressing in it to our surprise we are told that we encounter sabotage by the Devas. At least that is what I understand now from Agathiyar coming through a recent Nadi reading. We have heard of many instances of these in the mythical stories or Puranas. The one who comes out clear and clean from all this delusion and the divine play and game is the one who has attained Gnanam. This Gnanam brings him to distinguish the truth from the false. He beats Maya at its own game. But sadly we are lured by it just as we are lured by the pleasures of the material world. We can never beat it on our own. It is a losing battle. There is no escape from its clutches or hold without the grace of the Param or ParamAtma. 

AT PEACE WITH THE SELF

Call it God, the Almighty, the Divine, or Guardian Angels. Give it names such as Lord Shiva, Muruga, and Agathiyar. It does not matter. The truth is that this force and energy that is behind every creation and sustenance and that eventually brings an end to all life, and that veils the truth from our eyes, and showers its grace finally is forever shadowing us and sheltering us from harm's way. 

As I look back to the past and also the past lives that Agathiyar had revealed in my twilight years I come to see how the divine had taken care that I did not fall from grace into disgrace and did not harm myself or others through my actions. I now wonder how I had the courage to do those things that I did. I am ashamed of it. The consequences of my actions if had come to others' attention would have ruined me. My life would have easily taken another path or to say the truth gone down the drain if it was not for the divine monitoring it. This was besides the baggage of Karma I had brought along from my past births that set the tone for this life. Agathiyar in revealing my pasts gave me the remedies too. He later told me in my Nadi reading that I needed the former experiences too and that it was he who created the conducive environment and drove me to act. He asked that I pardon myself. How can I repay him? 

The divine was with me throughout my life. What was once an unseen hidden hand now has come before us to hear us out and give solutions, heal us at times, give us practices, and most importantly reveal the soul in us. The divine has come to reclaim its Self and bring it back with it or rather have it merge once more into its existence and the very existence. I am now his property or rather we were all his property from the very beginning but the individual Ego took claim of it. The Ego ventured to possess more and more, land, wealth, and women to add on to its treasures. It is only when the divine comes as a guru in the physical form or as the Self inherent in all of us for a handful, that the Ego is exposed and driven away or rather dropped. In dropping the Ego everything else drops on its own accord. There is now no effort needed to drop or let go. It comes naturally to us. The search ends. The seeking ends. We stand aloof from worldly affairs only giving minimal attention to things when called for. We are at peace with the Self. We are at peace with others. 

THE SIGNS

At times I used to wonder why we stand before holy men, mendicants, and monks troubling them with our petty troubles. So too do we stand before the Siddhas in prayer seeking solutions. They have already left behind their material likings, issues, and troubles to search for inner peace and quietitude. They must have forgotten the means and the ways having lost touch with current times and the needs of ours. What they can offer is their experiences, the means and the ways, the methods, and the practices that they observed and carried out to arrive where they stand now. But we are not prepared to take on that role as yet for we are caught in the trap and lure of the world. To leave would be to discharge our duties and responsibilities, incur the wrath of others, and add to our existing karma. 

How do we face pain and suffering? We pray that the pain and suffering ends. While looking for means to end the pain as in seeking medical attention, meanwhile we live the pain and suffering, exhausting a portion of our karma. Listening to our prayers, the divine comes to our aid as medical practitioners, treatments, procedures, and drugs that help bring relief. 

How do we face death then? Fear and anxiety step in as there is no surety that we will last another day. We pray that our lives are extended. We want to live longer. But for what? Agathiyar says when the shelter or home that this soul built from scratch was on the verge of collapsing it is only logical for the soul to move house. Death is in actuality shifting to another home and another neighborhood, starting life anew with other souls as in living with new neighbors. Death doesn't end it all. What ends is the present life and the things that we have come to grasp. The soul keeps traveling moving in and out of numerous homes, exploring the world. 

We should not think that the Siddhas or God would do our liking. They do not interfere with fate and what has been written unless called for. What is done cannot be undone but it can surely be repaired to a certain extent. Hence we see the Siddhas dishing out remedies when asked for. The soul or JeevAtma seeing us suffer due to our karma and our ways sends out an SOS that is picked up by the Param or ParamAtma. The Param lights up the path. A path is shown for us to travel henceforth. A new destiny is charted provided we heed the signs and live by it. 

BE FREE TO EXPLORE

If someone were to ask me if I knew the others running the establishments in the name of Agathiyar in Malaysia, I would reply "Yes" and that I had been there but I chose to walk alone. In the days of my initial thirst and search to know about the worship of the Siddhas they let me down. I decided to pick up from whatever little I already had in my hands and whatever I read and moved on with my solo journey. But 11 years on in 2013 Agathiyar decided to bring seekers of his Nadi to my home to participate in my family puja. Then followed years of active hosting and participation of rituals both in homes and temples, and carrying out charity programs in old folks' homes and orphanages, for the homeless in the streets, and those who had a roof over them but found it a struggle to stay alive. Agathiyar then brought everything including the Puja, charity, and Satsang to a standstill in 2019 when it was at its peak, telling us that it was enough. My wife said we were high on it just as one is in the case of acute alcohol intoxication. Affirming that the journey was solo henceforth, Agathiyar said that the path was narrow and only one could travel at a time. We all went our separate ways. Since then, except for the daily upkeep of my health, I have been idling around doing practically nothing. Not sure if it was to be this way, as we are always used to doing something either for ourselves, others, or in the name of our gurus and God, I asked Agathiyar if there was anything else that I needed to do. "None" he answered. 

When Tavayogi invited me to his ashram after we met for the very first time in Malaysia in 2005, and when Agathiyar in the Nadi reading I had, practically at the same time, requested that I visit Tavayogi's ashram and spent a couple of days, I left a month after his departure back to India. Upon arrival and staying with him, I was surprised that he too was whiling his time in silence, occasionally saying something to me that I did not comprehend until I walked the path too and came to experience them. Someone might drop by and bring him out or invite him to a function. Although that was about that, he volunteered to bring me to the places Agathiyar stipulated in my Nadi. He walked the extra mile for me showing proof of the existence of Siddhas though I never did comprehend them until I walked the path too and came to experience them. 

Supramania Swami too having had an exciting time in his life carrying out 40 years of austerities or tavam, and doing Siddhis during this time, took to solitude in later years, visited only by those who wanted to know their horoscope or for some amulet or advice. That is when I was brought to him arriving at his village home after completing the last leg of my pilgrimage in 2003 as dictated by Agathiyar in the Nadi. He was to be my first guru. Spending some 5 magical hours with him on my first visit I later visited him in 2005 and stayed with him, now in his kudil that we helped build adjacent to his guru Ramsuratkumar's samadhi temple in Tiruvannamalai. I saw the simplicity in their lives. I saw the humbleness in them. I saw their faith in the divine. I saw their surrender to the Almighty. They never preached about God nor spoke about their achievements or experiences. I watched and learned. Just as Agathiyar is still a mystery, both my gurus too are a mystery. Except for the little information I gathered from Supramania Swami's family, and the little that Tavayogi shared as we traveled together, I hardly knew both my gurus. 

When Agathiyar told me to come to the worship of the Siddhas in my first Nadi reading, I began to knock on doors seeking more guidance. But somehow the path and the worship were kept a secret by our pioneers then. Even the numerous books on Siddhas that I purchased from every bookshop that I came across and carried were repetitive. They were not personal accounts and experiences as in autobiographies or biographies but material put together from reading and research. They were too academic and mostly based on myths and legends, and Puranas. After I started my home puja I began to compile the songs in praise of the Siddhas for my own use. After my maiden pilgrimage to India in 2003 I began to write about my experiences. All these were in response to the existing gap and void and lack of personal accounts walking the path of the Siddhas. Then comes along Tavayogi who had actually walked the path. He gave us not theories and stories but had us put into practice the rituals and yoga asanas, taking us on a journey of exploration away from the favorite pilgrimage spots into the jungles and to the caves where the Siddhas are said to have roamed. My writings then revolved around him.

Soon with the coming of devotees to my home to participate in the puja, the rituals and songs that accompanied them were carried by them back into their homes too. These songs echoed in the halls of the temples where we conducted rituals too. Soon Agathiyar in 2022, giving me internal experiences that came about through the activation of the chakras and its energies traversing the body, asked me to share them with readers of this blog. Since then there was no stopping me. I happily shared them with co-seekers wanting to know. I asked them to share their experiences too and some did. This blog is a compilation of stories of mine and other devotees and their experiences. It is not academic. You will not find methods, teachings, practices, history, myth and legend. Neither am I a guru. We are all traveling together each experimenting with a thing or another and reporting back its results. We do not have codes of practices, codes to adhere to, rigid do's and don'ts, rules to upkeep, diet and menu to follow, etc. This path is one of discovery and learning from individual experiences. It is broad and expansive. As Tavayogi says one cannot possibly cage the soul, the soul should be free to explore the good, the bad, and the ugly. The soul should be allowed to explore and live out its desires and wants. For want of fulfillment of his desires, he had engaged with the world at large. 

After walking numerous paths and arriving on the Siddha path and walking it too, one finally comes to a point where he sees the foolishness in pursuing further thinking there is more beyond the hills and the dales. He stops his search, and retires in solitude, resting his aching limbs and heart. It then dawns on him that true joy and happiness, bliss and fulfillment, was in him all this while. He settles within, making peace with himself, forgiving himself, and abiding in his Self. As Agathiyar told me that there was nothing more to do, he settles down keeping himself company. He is his own world. The external world and its affairs do not affect him henceforth. He is complete.

Our lives is a book that we write in. Do not stop at Chapter 1. Do not let your life end with just a Chapter. Begin to take a step forward and write the next chapter. Let each Chapter be another story. Let each Chapter be another phase of our lives. Keep on writing and it might turn out to be a Novel or an Autobiography.

"You asked who I am. I am magic. You are magic. Because we are a part of magic that may not be definable but is unmistakably there. What is magic to me? It is the feeling that my own heartbeat, my own breathing, is as a response to and in parallel with a heartbeat and a breath that is already there." - Harry Owen

"You are the sum total of the experiences you have worked out. I thought to become a hermit was the ideal spiritual situation to be in. But I realized that that is not the answer. Time has taught me that you can't live as an island. You need your fellowmen. You see yourself as a reflection of your fellowmen. And you learn from your fellowmen good things and bad things. And then you realize that all the material things you have gathered, there is no fulfillment of spirit and life. It is what you have acquired. The soul is the true wealth. I do not have an answer to why I am here. I think maybe to work at this." - Johann Moolman

"We feel lost, we feel alone as a species. And we are feeling that because we have systematically set ourselves out on a journey of separating ourselves. But we are absolutely a part and parcel of this. I just wish that everybody could feel what is there for us because you would not experience one moment of loneliness ever again. There is extraordinary wisdom around us. It's an evolved wisdom, a wisdom that has evolved over time. We just need to listen to those who are older and wiser and who have worked out how to live well and wisely. And those are the species that have been around longer than us. They are the trees. They are the animals. They are the microbes. If we could just take the intelligence we have and tamper it with wisdom..." - Sue Swain.

SIEVING THROUGH MAYA

Watching the DW documentary "More Life - Decoding the Secret of Aging", I was surprised to learn that science now confirms that man's biological age limit is 122 years something I remembered reading back then in some Siddha text that stated that man could live some 120 years and that if he did he would begin to grow a new set of teeth. Saint Jeganatha Swami is said to have lived 145 years.  

 

We also learn and are now told that the fountain of youth is inside us, something that the Siddhas knew and got working on it in the past. We learn that as we grow old the repair cells intended to heal too grow old and they do not go to the spot that needs to be repaired justifying what Agathiyar told me last Thursday that what was supposed to be a fact that the body heals on its own now has to be assisted as I was getting old too. Just as we are told that inflammatory sicknesses are elevated in old people, I understood the recurrence of the pain in my lower back that is a result of these inflammations. We are told that a man's hair was darkening all over the place, as vouchsafed by his wife, and that made the scientist pretty excited. Agathiyar in holding my hair tells me that it too is darkening and shows his sadness that people, even after seeing this do not believe in the possibility of reversing aging.

Just as New York has Peter Parker for a Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man who comes immediately to the aid of those in distress and danger, mine is Agathiyar. As promised my back is better now. I am able to do my routine and daily chores as usual after the tug in my lower back last Thursday crippled me the past two days. But is Agathiyar only here to heal our sore be it physical or mental? Is that what the Siddhas do? Are they here only to heal us as and when we call out to them? Any Siddha physician or a medical practitioner can do the same, right? Are they only here to perform miracles though it does help capture our attention and seek to want to do the same, which is also not the ultimate reason they are here with us. Are they only here to look into our past and dish out remedies for our past karmas? 

Velayutham Karthikeyan Aiya who started the blog Siththan Arul, writing on the origin of the Jeeva Nadi, posted the following way back then. Here is a translation of the piece. 

The Siddhas had wished that whoever seeks out the Siddhas for solutions to their problems and surrenders to the Siddhas, shall be pardoned for their past deeds, however bad and evil they may be, and shall not be put through trial and tribulations and made to face the consequences but instead be saved. Erai granted the Siddhas their wish. The next instant the Siddhas wrote down; the reasons for each individual’s sufferings; listed out solutions and remedies; and showed ways and means to overcome or end the seeker's problems, sins, diseases, illnesses, and sufferings. They wrote them in Tamil prose on dried palm leaves. These writings came to be known as the Nadi. 

What then is unique about these Siddhas that places them above man as a whole? Above and beyond this desire of theirs to bring us to right the wrong we did and that we knowing or unknowingly do still carry on doing, they wanted us to get in touch with our soul or JeevAtma and find our purpose here. The soul would then lead us on the path that we are to pursue after we surrender to the divine will, letting go of our desires and wants, aspirations and addictions. The soul brings us to the guru who is yet another personification of the ParamAtma. If the soul unknown to us brings us to the guru, vice-versa the guru draws the veil aside and shows us the soul or JeevAtma or the Self in us.

But sadly we fall short of seeking favors from the Siddhas and never want to venture to know the soul. And so we come again and again and again and again, just as I had taken crores of births says Agathiyar. Even now I am nowhere close to knowing the Param that IS. All the reading and listening to the stories of the attainments of the Siddhas does not make us a Siddha. All the pilgrimages, the reviews, and the Satsangs neither serve to bring us to this state. As my wife says all the puja and charity we did brought on a high in us, we keep cheating ourselves thinking that this is it and that we are on the path of the Siddhas or even worse self-proclaiming ourselves as Siddhas. It is only when we get to see through the veil that everything that keeps changing is Maya or an illusion, that we settle eventually in that which is changeless. We come to know our soul. We know that our soul and the Param are one. We are the One or Yegan. We arrive at the state of Samadhi. We then abide in the Self. 

HISTORY REPEATS

Lately, my 3 dosas have been playing havoc again. Yesterday morning while wearing my pants to go for my routine walk, I felt a tug in the middle of my lower back that crippled me again. Lord Murugan came in a devotee later in the evening and brushed my causal body with the peacock feathers again while Agathiyar came and asked that I heat up 2 types of oil and apply them on my back again. He asked me to go for physiotherapy again. History is repeating. If clearing my throat during my morning shower brought on a similar pain in 2010 that crippled my movements for some 2 1/2 years, in 2018 a sneeze that came on while crossing the road did the same. I was blessed to have Agathiyar come through the Nadi in the former and Lord Murugan come simultaneously in the Nadi and a devotee in the latter to heal and dish out remedies. It is 4 am now and as Agathiyar said that I should be better in the morning, I am able to sit and write this post. When one begins to age there is only this much that the Siddhas can do too for they keep reminding us to achieve the state of Jothi before 60 after which it is unattainable as the body would not cooperate and withstand the total transformation that goes into the making of a golden body. I have missed the golden opportunity. I would be 65 this year. 

YEGAN

We are told in the movie "Kalank" that a dying person must fix their karma and not their health. That seems to be some sound advice. 

Just as there are many priorities in each phase of our lives, there are many meanings to things at different moments in our lives too. For instance, what is perceived earlier as a song of prayer from Avvai to a kid, changes to become a song potent with a recipe for health to a student of Siddha medicine, and becomes a song of Gnanam for one treading the path under the surveillance of a guru to know himself.

Similarly, pain and suffering start in the causal body or Karana Degam which moves into the gross and physical body bringing it on. What determines the cause is the past actions in the present or earlier lives, be it the good, the bad, or ugly of us, that rewards us with goodies as in the former or is brought into this life as Vasanas either seeking justice or to square it off as in the latter two. 

Since we are so used to seeing and perceiving directly through our senses and having the mind interpret them based on our past visions, hearing, smell, touch, and taste or the teachings and learnings from books and others, our mind is clouded. We do not go beyond the physical world and its play or illusions. We dress ourselves for this great play and the role we have taken. The guru comes to bring in the light, clearing the air, and having us see our true Self or Atman or JeevAtma. One who knows the Self or Atman or JeevAtma indeed knows himself to be one with the ParamAtma. There is no disparity or distinction between the two. He is then the One or Yegan.

AWAKENING TO THE SELF

Information and technology are at our fingertips these days. We can keep count on almost anything. Blogger keeps count of my blog's readership views. I can keep count of the distance I walk and the number of steps I take using an app. Sadly AI is used in warfare too to target people too. Man has achieved much in a short time. If all these resources are targeted at the masses, those who decide to step out of the mainstream and venture into knowing the Self are few and apart.  Just as there is a need for genuine and true masters as we have had in the past, there is a need for genuine and true disciples too. 

Whether I succeed in returning home with this form or leave it behind or come back to take another form and live the cycle again is anybody's guess. Though the journey has been simplified in present times it is so long that it is not possible to complete it in one lifetime. We have to stop and assess ourselves as to where we stand each time. But what is the yardstick to compare with? The saints and gurus before us who had traveled the path and spoken about it are our only source of reference. We are fortunate if we have a personal guru who tags along on our journey. I was blessed to have had two wonderful gurus who helped me start and helped shape me. The Siddhas did the rest. I am grateful to them.

As Agathiyar says eventually the guru can only come that far, and we have to go on alone, but fear not for he shall wait for us at the finish line or rather he was there all the while for us but we never saw him as we were stunned by the stage lights, sights and sounds the world has to offer and followed our senses. But if we could use them for a bigger purpose that is to know the Self, they shall abide in the Self eventually.

Separation is seen in Sariyai when we stand apart from the deities and worship them. Separation is seen in Kriya where we stand apart from one another and think that we are serving them or carrying out charity. Separation is seen in Yogam until we realize this union with God, Others, and the Self. He calls this separation as Viyoga and a delusion. The method of removing this delusion is Yoga. Once we realize the Self we have attained Gnanam. We can safely drop all of the former Sadhanas. Bhagawan Ramana1 says they are all Sadhanas or means and will not be necessary after Gnanam is attained. I now understand that Agathiyar in asking me to drop my attachment on him was in fact asking me to end the separation thinking that we were separate. When I replied asking him how was I to end my attachment, he replied asking me "Aren't we one?" Starting us take off from Sariyai where our parents had brought us to, Agathiyar through the guru showed us to Kriyai where we did rituals and charity. The guru and Agathiyar then introduced us to Yogic practices that brought us to Gnanam, to finally know and realize that the Self and He were one.

1. "Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi" published by Sri Ramanashramam, 2006.

RIDDLED WITH QUESTIONS

If I were to be hit by a car and die on the spot tomorrow or if I were to succumb to an incurable disease and suffer, many would ask, "How come Agathiyar did not save him?" or "How come Agathiyar did not heal him?" 

Well, I did ask God these questions back then too. If the Buddha as a prince wanted to know why people suffered, I did ask why my colleagues and friends and their families suffered back then in the 80s when I was a bachelor. My question was put on hold for a very long time - some 14 years. I heard a relative hit by a vehicle moments after she had offered prayers at a temple. I had a devotee knock into a stationary lorry moments after his Nadi reading. When I came to learn that a young lad in his 20s suffered burns as a result of a gas stove exploding and passed away, I too was shocked. He was a staunch devotee of Agathiyar taking up the worship from his parents and uncle. Someone asked me why Agathiyar did not foresee or forewarn him as he had access to the Nadi readers. I had no explanation back then. Traveling for some 22 years with him, I have yet to get some answers. We just do not know their play or Lila. We do not have access to the blueprint and the secrets of life and death, on who should live and who should go. 

Even the saints and gurus are not exempted. I asked Agathiyar why he had Tavayogi meet with an accident and go through the suffering back then. Tavayogi was knocked down while riding a bike into town days after conducting the annual Jayanthi puja for Agathiyar. He had to be treated away from his ashram in a distant town for several months. When I finally reached Tavayogi and spoke over the phone, he brushed it aside very lightly telling me "Let it be my son. It was my Karma." 

An account of Bhagawan Ramana's last days is given by B.V. Narasimha Swami in "Self Realization - The Life and Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi" published by Sri Ramanasramam, 1985. It is too difficult for me to post the excerpt as I was already in tears reading it. Ma Devaki speaks amidst tears, about the last days of Yogi Ramsuratkumar. It is rather difficult to watch the video. If we refrain from having visitors when we have a slight headache or bodily pain, in all their moments of pain, they never stop blessing those who arrive to see them. Ma Devaki says the Yogi would lift a hand, then another, and even his legs to bless them when he could not use his other limbs. Bhagawan Ramana would drag himself twice a day to sit among his disciples for an hour. When he was incapable of making even these few steps, devotees filed past his room in queues. 

We could never fill their shoes. That is the strength of these gurus. Then we have devotees like Ma Devaki who asked that the Yogi pass on his sufferings to her for the world needed the Yogi to be around. Again we could never fill the shoes of devotees like her too.

People who have been there and back can certainly throw some light on life and death as Antony David Cicoria narrates his experience. Watching this and other videos of Near Death Experiences strengthens the belief that the angels are all with us but do not show themselves unless the need to come to our aid arises. And they come through us, humans.

BE OPEN TO LEARNING

In BBC Earth's series on the "Ancient Powers", we are told how the ancient Greeks secured their rule in Egypt and ensured the legions of its people after Alexander's death. One of his generals who becomes the first in a new line of Pharoah who all take his name after that, embarks on a massive building campaign. By commissioning temples, they could extend their authority to the southernmost reaches of their kingdom."

One wonders about all the other temples now and their origins.

God does not dictate man. One man dictates another. Though man is given free choices to chart his destiny he opts to submit to fate. Agathiyar says my love for him is so great that the mere mention of his name intoxicates me. There is a downside to it though he warns. People could use our devotion and faith in him for their interest. He warns me that others could take me for a ride using this weakness. He asks that I be aware and to beware of these manipulators, using his name and guise.

When I was open to Agathiyar's messages coming from various sources be it through the Nadi reading, through devotees, gurus, masters, teachers, books, movies, etc I was surprised when others only wanted to listen from Agathiyar through the Nadi or their guru's words. Some say that they were in direct communion with him and refuse to hear from elsewhere, shutting the door. This brings me to the story of Dattatreya who is said to have "reached self-awareness by observing nature during his Sannyasi wanderings and treating natural observations as his twenty-four teachers. Dattatreya considered the entire Universe and its creations as his teachers, for each of them taught him something useful - such was his greatness and humility." 

It is said that Agathiyar who told us that he was the very Prapanjam and that the Prapanjam was in him too, took lessons directly from the plants and herbs that filled him on their properties. He used this knowledge in his practice of Siddha medicine. Such was his humility. In the TV series "Harmony with AR Rahman", we see the humility of the musician sitting at the feet, as a disciple sits before his guru, of other musicians wanting to explore and learn the musical instruments and vocal traditions of their regions. This is humility and humbleness to the core.

The 24 teachers of Dattatreya are listed at https://www.dollsofindia.com/library/dattatreya/.

Mother Earth taught Dattatreya tolerance, patience and forbearance; Water taught him to comfort others; Fire taught him not to be judgmental; Air taught him to be unfettered; Space taught him to be unattached; Sun taught him to cheer up everyone; Snake taught him to drop desires and ownership; Python taught him to be flexible; Moon taught him to remain unaffected; Ocean too taught him to remain unaffected; Butterfly touch him to be unattached; Dove taught him love and peace; Fish taught him not to fall for temptation; Honeybee taught him to labor; Deer reminded him to be ever wary of people who exploit others; Elephant taught him to remember; Bumblebee reminded him not to hurt; The Prostitute Pingala taught him dedication; Eagle taught him not to hoard; Child taught him not to hold grudges; The Village Girl reminded him not to disturb others; Arrow-maker taught him to focus on the work on hand and concentration; Spider taught him to remain free and unattached; and finally a Wasp taught him intent and perseverance. 

LESSONS

Agathiyar had me learn lessons by calling me to his path. He exposed the effect of Karma on our lives and as the reason for taking numerous births. He also pointed out that desires that arise in the present or Vasanas or unfulfilled desires we brought with us have to germinate, bloom and flower. These could be pleasant or unpleasant. He also pointed out that just as past Karma, Vasanas, and new desires bring forth another birth, merits gained and earned through bhakti or devotion, our service, and interaction with humanity or at least a part of it that is the immediate family, relatives, friends, colleagues, strangers on the street, community, society, and nation all merit another birth too. I understand now why my first guru Supramania Swami told me that he had to leave the merits earned in his 40 years of tavam or carrying out austerities behind. He passed it to me.

Agathiyar held a one-hour class on anger management in the Nadi and came several times in later years finally asking for his staff or Vaasikol as would a discipline master brandish his cane, all just to have me drop my anger. 

In sending Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal to our shores, he had me drop my attachment to all things material telling me "We don't need them, son". Both my gurus were an exemplar of humbleness. 

In coming as the bronze statue in 2010 and leaving for another devotee's home in 2023, he had me drop even my attachment to his form. But he is now back in my home after I came to terms with the truth of the matter. Recently in appreciating my willingness to part with his statue, he told me that now I have to even drop my attachment towards him. How could I do that? He is my world now. He has come to replace everything in my life. I only know him. I cannot have a conversation without bringing him into the conversation. My mind dwells around him and his greatness. My body, breath, and soul are filled with gratitude for him. So when I put forth the question as to how was I supposed to forget him he replied coolly "Aren't we one".

Indeed when we are one where does Shanmugam Avadaiyappa come into the picture? Where does he come into the story? Where does he reside? What action is his? Shanmugam Avadaiyappa fades away from existence. Only Agathiyar exists. Only Agathiyar Is.

I understood that he was not speaking about Shanmugam Avadaiyappa as being Agathiyar but that our souls just like everyone who has realized him will deem to come to know, are one. We are one in the manner of the soul. The JeevAtma that initiated the formation of a solid mass from the act of conceiving, that became the embryo and fetus, and an infant and child later that grew into a toddler and kid, a teen and a young adult and full grown adult and finally ages is one with the ParamAtma. Though in returning home upon death, we return to him, but if one could realize him while alive that would be the state of Samadhi, going back to the source. As we learn from the documentary "Samadhi" - Part 1 - "Maya, the Illusion of the Self" that "To realize Samadhi is to learn to die before you die", it echoes Ramalinga Adigal's and the rest of the Siddhas words about the need to learn the art or Kalai of Dying without Dying in the real sense or Saagaamal Saagum Kalai. 

THE NEVER ENDING PATH

When Tavayogi and I left Trichy after putting up a night at a hotel, for the hills of Kutralam and a surprise stay overnight at Agathiyar's cave, Tavayogi turned to me with a cheer and told me "Only now the true journey begins my son". I did not know what he meant and what was in store then. It has taken me some 19 long years to realize.

Dr. C. Srinivasan in his book "An Introduction to the Philosophy of Ramalinga Swami", mentions that "Ramalinga Adigal has tasted the bliss of all the sixteen stages contemplated by the Vedas." 

Yogi Ramsuratkumar says "Emancipation was not the end for this beggar, rather it was the beginning for him." (Yogi Ramsuratkumar - The Godchild of Thiruvannamalai" by Truman Caylor Wadlington)

Agathiyar tells us that death was only the beginning of another journey too.

In the documentary "Samadhi" - Part 1 - "Maya, the Illusion of the Self" we are told that contrary to common belief, Samadhi is only the beginning of another journey. 

Furthermore, this documentary jolts us from our sleep. We are asked to ponder several questions.

"Before it becomes possible to awaken it is necessary to accept that you are asleep living in the matrix. Examine your life honestly without lying to yourself. Are you able to stop your robotic repetitive life patterns if you want to? Can you stop seeking pleasure and avoiding pain? Are you addicted to certain foods, activities, or pastimes? Are you constantly judging, blaming, and criticizing yourself or others? Does your mind incessantly seek out stimuli or are you completely fulfilled just being in silence? Do you react to how people think about you? Are you seeking approval or positive reinforcement? Do you somehow sabotage situations in your life?"

"Most people will experience their lives the same way today as they will tomorrow, a year from now, and ten years from now. When you begin to observe your robotlike nature, you become more awake. You begin to recognize the depth of your problem. You are completely and utterly asleep, lost in a dream. Most who hear this truth will not be willing or capable of changing their lives because they are attached to their familiar patterns. We go to great lengths to justify our patterns, burying our heads in the sand rather than facing the truth. We want our saviors but we are not willing to get up on the cross ourselves."

Ramalinga Adigal in listing the numerous stages and charting out the many levels of the soul's journey and its spiritual experiences says that there are still higher stages that he hesitates to express. So for one who says he knows all and the journey has ended approach with caution.

BLESSED BEYOND WORDS

When Agathiyar came recently he asked the womenfolk to gather and hold a Satsang among themselves. Agathiyar who sat through the session coming in a devotee later told them to write about their experiences and pass it to me to be uploaded on this blog. My daughter shares her experiences as follows.

When I sit back and think, I’ve journeyed quite a long time with Agathiyar Appa looking out for me. It makes me feel so blessed and think about what I have done to be this fortunate. 

I came into introduction with Agathiyar in my schooling years when my father, Mr. A. Shanmugam began his journey of Siddha worship. Initially guiding us through the Naadi, he then came into our hearts and homes in his stunning bronze statue form where we used to do Abhishegam and pooja for him.  

It started with only my parents, sister and me. Then joined by our friends, family, and new acquaintances who later became our Agathiyar family. We did Poojas and Homa every Thursday and on Pournamis, sang Bhajans for him and other deities on all their special days. We gave Annadhanam to kids/elderly homes and for the homeless people. I’d join in whenever possible as I was already studying away from home after that. 

There are many instances I can recall when we either felt his presence or had him guide us when we were in doubt and most of all he’ll be there to give us remedies for our health issues too. 

In 2010, I met in an accident where I had a clean fracture of my tibia and fibula and was asked to go through an operation for speedy recovery. While waiting for my turn for the operation, Agathiyar advised through a Naadi reading to only go through a small procedure and after some time another doctor suggested a procedure done very briefly without having the need for an operation known as ACP Injection. I recovered soon after going through a few rounds of the mentioned procedure and started walking again. 

In 2016, the Siddhas graced and blessed my husband and me at our wedding. We were told about this by Tavayogi and Mathaji who attended our wedding. After getting married, having kids, and having a routine of my own, I’d continue to join the prayers held at my parents' place or other devotees' homes whenever I could.  

There was one time when I told Agathiyar that I had slipped and fell at the waterfall, and he asked another devotee to help massage. He also taught a few yoga poses which helped stretch and ease my pain. 

Earlier this year, my husband had a heart attack and had to undergo an emergency coronary angioplasty. Despite the fact that it was a very critical situation and with so much uncertainty, I had a calm come over me as the specialist briefed me on the procedure and risks while waiting for his team to assemble for the procedure. A few weeks later, at another prayer gathering, Agathiyar told me that he was there looking after us and all would be okay. 

In recent days, Agathiyar has been strictly emphasizing us to practice the breathing exercise he had taught us a few years back. He insists that we take care of our health by consuming healthily and keeping ourselves physically fit too. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, I’ve not been religiously doing my breathing exercises but deep down I know it’s only for our benefit for he sees beyond what we can see in our bodies. 

I’m forever grateful for the countless blessings he’s given us all this while and for watching out for us.

[8:58 am, 24/04/2024] Praba.

My daughter had written about Agathiyar and her experiences in her own blog back then when she had more time on her hands. 

https://myindianheartbeat.blogspot.com
http://berrysweetprincess.blogspot.com

Since then she has been running after three kids ages 7, 4, and 3, and finds it difficult to find time for herself.

PREPARING TO TAKE ON HIS TASK

Watching the documentary "Samadhi" - Part 1 - "Maya, the Illusion of the Self", we receive the answer to the ever-bugging question as to whether we should involve or remain passive in the face of adversity. 

"It is important to know that when we accept reality As It Is it doesn't necessarily mean that we stop taking action in the world, or we become meditating pacifists. Actually, the opposite can be true. When we are free to act without being driven by unconscious motives, then it is possible to act in alignment with the Tao, with the full force of our inner energy behind us."

We are told of a saying in Zen, "Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood and carry water." "Before enlightenment, one must roll the ball up the hill. After enlightenment, one must also roll the ball up the hill." What has changed? The inner resistance to what is. The struggle has been stopped. Or rather the one who struggles has been realized to be illusory. The individual will or individual mind and the divine will or higher mind are aligned" This is Samadhi. "Samadhi is ultimately a dropping of all resistance to all changing phenomena without exception. The one who is able to realize inner peace irrespective of circumstances has attained true Samadhi."

We are told that resistance is suffering. In coming to terms with it and seeing it as an experience we shall accept it. We come to accept that all is the work of Maya which is ever-changing and never lasting. Our sorrows and sufferings too shall come to pass. This reminds me of Tavayogi brushing aside all problems telling us that Agathiyar shall take care. This reminds me of Agathiyar brushing aside the pain in my lower back that I endured for 2 1/2 years saying that it was illusionary.

In having us go through the phases of Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam, and Gnanam, having us engage actively in working on the external and internal transformation, eventually, Agathiyar has brought us to the state of inactivity and halt our active participation. When the work or task we desire to do stops, we can take on his desire and tasks. He has us know the soul or Jeeva(Atma) and then live as a JeevanMukta carrying out his tasks and mission.

BE AWARE & BEWARE

Just for a start as an elementary school teacher simplifies the teachings for the sake of her students to easily understand the concepts, and as we go up the ladder and as the learning curve intensifies, we are given the raw facts to chew, Sariyai simplified God showing him in the idols; Kriyai showed us the guru in physical form as God; Yogam showed us, God, as residing within as our breath; and Gnanam finally pierced all the earlier understanding and has us drop all our earlier hold on things, belief, learnings, and practice. Now standing stark naked we confront the soul or Atma and its teachings. Similarly, a song of the lady saint Avvai that is a song in praise of Lord Ganapathy for the children turns out to be a song laden with a recipe for good health, when Dr.Bhani took up Siddha medicine and finally was said to be a song of Gnanam when he came under the tutorship of Yogi Ramaiah.

I told Agathiyar that I would like to see him as God for all, regardless of what caste or creed they were, immaterial of their financial standing and social status. I told him if he was only to help me and my family, or believers and followers, and shut the others out, I do not want him. He who was introduced through a form and name in the Nadi reading and called me to his path soon came as the guru who told me that Agathiyar was God, then was Siva, and later the breath, and Light, came as a statue, walked along with us, showed himself coming through devotees, and finally came as the Prapanjam that is acceptable to all faiths and believers fulfilling my humble request.

God and the Siddhas are no one person's possession nor can one lay a stake on them. The concept of God is for all. In championing the cause some tend to get carried away and lay claim to God and the Siddhas, their ways and methods, the rituals and practices. I fear that someday someone might even claim copyright to them and their works. 

In our eagerness to campaign for the cause of the Siddhas, we tend to turn ugly. If back then man was divided by caste and creed, and some were forbidden from entering temples and holy places, coming to the spiritual path, we begin to differentiate mankind based on karma and merits, his diet and his hunger for knowledge, etc. The numbers as in attendance and following classes and teachings, and the numbers as in the number of initiations received, etc, segregate them further. In laying rules and codes it further distances many from coming forward. In mentioning and laying claim that only those who qualify can come into the path or qualify to stay further, the question arises as to who are we to talk about others' karma when we carry the baggage too? Who are we to decide who is eligible or otherwise when we are nowhere close to achieving the state of a Siddha? Would anyone have imagined Arunagiri becoming a saint? For all the sins I have committed it is a surprise that Agathiyar took me into his fold too. A sinner has an equal opportunity to walk the path with those who are pious. All borders and distinctions are the work of man. God does not divide and rule.

Then there are the fear mongers in all fields be it in reading the Astrology, in reading the Nadi, in practicing Siddha medicine, in carrying out rituals and worship, etc. The stakeholders tend to add to the facts, and manipulate the facts for their personal gains, etc. Taking up the role of a spokesperson for the Siddhas and other gurus too, some followers do tend to go overboard promising the sky. There is no harm in praising one's guru but we need to know the limits. Do not glorify them and make promises. Even Agathiyar does not promise but has us place the required efforts and be patient for time to unfold the goodies. Agathiyar asks us to stop praising him and look within for our souls. 

When a Russian in a wheelchair messaged me asking if Tavayogi could heal him, I replied that I did not know. He soon went over to Kallar ashram. Tavayogi later told me that he could not help him. When a reader from Delhi messaged me if Tavayogi could clear his blockages, the result of taking up several practices simultaneously, I told him to see his masters. Sadly his masters could not help him. I told him the same that I had not seen Tavayogi heal anyone. After 8 years when I reached out to him, he was still in pain. 

I shudder to think where all these shall lead to. I guess the Siddhas and gurus themselves have to come down and bring a close to all these false claims. As a devotee said Agathiyar at AVM accepts all and then begins to work on having them drop whatever they hold dear to them and never rejecting anyone on the onset for being a nonvegetarian or nonbeliever or a sinner or for numerous other unthinkable reasons that we come across, if anyone out there has been rejected for various reasons you are free to walk into AVM. We do not discriminate but shall invite you with open arms. We shall travel together exploring the realm of the Siddhas and learning their secrets to living a worthwhile and purposeful life.