We all tend to gather together and travel together even after coming to the spiritual path. Very rarely do you see a man travel alone on the spiritual path. Those who ventured alone brought us great wisdom from the experience that they gained in their lives. We then turn up at their door and take up their teachings and wisdom becoming seekers, aspirants, students, and disciples.
Taking discipleship under both my gurus Supramania Swami and Tavayogi and later Agathiyar they never had me become dependent on them but left me to chart my life while traveling the path. They never wanted to clone me into their image. They never had me fit into their shoes. They indirectly told me to go get my own shoes. And so although I grew under their shadows no restrictions were placed on me. I was given the freedom to explore, make mistakes, and learn from them. They did not push me to fulfill their wishes or take over their missions. They knew pretty well that it had to blossom from within and that I had to chart my own path. They were never possessive over me. They took no control of me. But they were there for me. I could go on. So am I another Tavayogi? Am I another Agathiyan? No. They showed me to the source that is in them and in all of us. If I was Tavayogi or Agathiyan I would have to continue to play their role. This was not what they wanted of me. We have to make a name for ourselves. Guhai Namasivayar of Tiruvannamalai had to drive away his student of many years Guru Namasivayar asking him to take abode in Chidambaram. The latter refused to move away from his guru's shadow. But upon insistence, he agreed to go only if his guru was there to meet him in Chidambaram. Arriving at the temple later he saw his guru in the inner sanctum and stayed put in Chidambaram.
God who is said to be in the heavens was brought into the temples. We are basically Tuesday and Friday Hindus just as Tsem Rinpoche in his book coauthored with Elizabeth Kaze "My Journey in this Life", Kechara Media and Publications, 2021, defines as Sunday Buddhists those in the remote areas of Tibet who lead a nomadic life, tendered to herd, and not too keen on religion. But once the guru comes along he brings us to pave the way for the divine to first step into our homes and later into our hearts. The part of the divine that resides within us and that lost its voice in the wake of our ego showing up, reappears from behind the curtain once the guru shames our ego and takes charge of drawing up our destiny or rather revealing our purpose here. The most excellent episode and a classic example of one who had his ego killed is narrated by Swami Vishnudevananda himself. Swami Vishnudevananda writes on his first encounter with his master Swami Sivananda, in ‘My Years with the Master’ at http://www.sivanandaonline.org.
As if by chance, I had found a piece of paper that intrigued me. One night when I was working late and was searching for a misplaced paper, I found a small pamphlet in the trash basket. It was called ‘SADHANA TATTVA’ and was by Swami Sivananda of Rishikesh. As soon as I read it, my body began to shake. It began with ‘An ounce of practice is worth tons of theory.’ Here was a teacher who was down-to-earth and practical. There was nothing mysterious about his teachings; I felt that I had to meet him for myself. I got a few days leave from the army. I was an arrogant boy on leave from the army. It meant that I had to travel a day and a night from my army base in Jullunder. I would have only a few hours at the Ashram - just to see the Master and then go right back.
The first time I saw Swami Sivananda he was sitting with about 30 or 40 people around him. He looked like an ordinary man among them. The look on his face and manner of speech were simple and straightforward. Each word came from his heart. There was no kind of religious hypocrisy, no sitting on a tiger skin with ashes smeared all over his body. He had an extraordinary spiritual glow.
The second time, I saw him Swami Sivananda was coming up the stairs in my direction. I didn't want to bow my head to him. I was young and arrogant and never wanted to bow my head to anybody -Swami, God-realised soul or whoever, I didn't care. But it is the tradition in India that you should bow your head to a holy man. To avoid the situation I just moved out of his path. The Master saw me and headed in my direction. He asked me who I was and where I was coming from. Then he bowed down and touched my feet! My whole body began to shake violently. With all my heart, with all my life and love, I learned to bow without any type of reservation. He touched my heart not with miracles or shows of holiness, but with his perfect egoless nature. He didn't consider that I was just a stupid boy standing there, though I was just that. He touched my heart and broke the ego. That was my first lesson, and if I could attain one millionth of the state of egolessness of the Master, it is His Grace.
Before leaving, I went down the Ganga where it was the custom of the Ashram to do Aarati (waving of lights) every evening. All the devotees and inmates of the Ashram assembled by the banks of the Ganga to watch Master perform this evening worship. I was sceptical. I was of a scientific temperament and knew that a river is only water, H2O-imagine worshipping H20! But as I stood there and watched Master waving the lights, I saw the river become a mass of flowing lights. At that instant the river assumed a divine flow, a manifestation of the Grace of the Lord. Master turned and looked at me and in my mind I heard his message, “God pervades everything; this too is His Special Form.” This entirely changed my outlook on life.
"I didn’t begrudgingly give up my ego. It was as if I came home to the place where I no longer needed it. There was never at any time, a specific contract entered into where they said, “Do you want to stay? Do you want to be trained? Do you want anything?” It just all happened because we all knew it was supposed to happen. They took over my complete life at that point. They took over my food, my clothing, my training; everything. As a Westerner, the concept of surrender had been very unpalatable to me because it was ego surrender and ego meant giving it up to somebody else. It was like a power struggle, and you lost and Maharaji was at the place where there was no other person you were giving up to. ..... everything I did from then on was done with absolute joy. There was nothing they could ask of me that was too hard. It was austerities that were not austere. For the first time, I understood what the concept of a guru was about. You see, a guru is your doorway to God; your doorway to the beyond. .... It’s not just a wise man who can teach you things. A guru is a spiritual vehicle; an entranceway. He’s a pure mirror. He isn’t anybody at all."
Tavayogi too numerous times and in numerous ways did kill my ego. Though it hurt initially I have come to understand that he was breaking me and breaking my hold on things and opinions, my readings, and accumulated bookish knowledge. This knowledge I realized was dangerous and disastrous as it had me question so many things that did not tally with what I read. It made me confused. If left to it I would have ended in an asylum. I am glad that Lord Siva came into my dream and asked me to put off all these questions until another time. Today Agathiyar feeds me with the subjects, the words, and the sentences. He has me write this blog and occasionally gives me memos to share. He has readers drop me a message to begin writing or have them complete what I had started. For instance, a friend who had earlier wanted to know the meaning of the name Tavayogi messaged me again today and the result was the previous post "Of Gurus & Names".
They burn the house down. We have no possessions. We lose our identity, name, and fame. All these now merely are there for the sake of continued existence in this material world. As Ram Dass wrote, "They took over my complete life at that point", this is what happens before a guru. Beyond that, the ego that resides within is not ours but his, for one needs a tiny bit of ego in him to remain sustained in this gross body.
Here is a quiz for my readers. Who would you pick as your guru? One who sits on a throne some distance away from us and has his followers who double-up as servants and bodyguards keeping the crowd a safe distance, or one who travels alone and is accessible to everyone and hugs each one of them. If God lives in all he should come down to our range and ranks and touch our souls and hearts.
Tavayogi, the moment he saw us sitting on the mat laid out on the floor in my home, got up from the chair that we had prepared for him to sit in and address us to sit among us during his first visit. Even before he stepped into my home, we were told not to wash his feet as was traditional with receiving gurus. When I asked my daughter to document the day's event in video he saw her with the video camera and told us that he was not a politician to be given coverage. When I sent him off, I thanked him from my heart. But he came down hard on me telling me that I was living in Maya and that I thought he had something within the saffron cloths. He told me he was not God nor Guru and pointed me to Agathiyar. Though his words hurt initially, I came to see his humility now. He did not portray himself as special.
Would you want a guru who pleases you, grants every wish, and makes us always seek him out for all our needs, or who molds us and nurtures us, and has us stand on our own feet to become one like him?
The guru comes to sow the seed as he travels many places. The seed has to germinate on its own, pulling in the resources available at each moment and reaching out to the sun. He does not stop to watch it grow. Tavayogi was one such guru. He gave us the techniques, showed us the path, and moved on leaving us to place the efforts. He left it to Agathiyar to bring us to greater heights. He did not take credit for anything. What he said about our effort bringing us to Svadishtana and the guru taking us further came to be true. His job was to give us the tools to bring us to work towards opening the second Chakra provided we used those tools to till the soil. From there Agathiyar took the reins.
Just as Tavayogi took me to visit three gurus upon my arrival at his Kallar ashram the very first time, and showed me that not all gurus have the same intentions, strength, humility, and mission in life, Agathiyar showed me the other side of gurus too. There are the bad apples too. I had thought that all gurus would only do good. It shocked me to learn otherwise. Choose your guru with care. Just as we are tested, it is alright to test a guru too.
What is in a name? The Gods have numerous names but they are all one in substance and essence. The Gods and we are all manifestations of that One. Name, race, language, nation, region, and gender only differentiate us. They are there to split us, keep us apart, and keep us in the web of Maya. We need to lose this individual identity. Become one. Back to becoming the primordial soul. That is who we are.
In the face of death, I might not even remember his name. If my car turned turtle after a crash and I am thrown into the air I cannot possibly call out to God or Guru with all his honorary titles. It would be too late. I would just utter, Amma, Appa, Muruga, Siva, Krishna, Rama, Bhagawane, Andava, or Kadavule that instant.
God can come in any form and through anyone. Agathiyar told us he could come before us but are we worthy of his Darshan he asked? Can our eyes withstand his Light? Should not we prepare ourselves to see him? One has to be fit to receive his vision says Asanga, a famous Indian Buddhist saint, who lived in the fourth century, in the following story, after this truth dawned on him following a series of experiences. Sogyal Rinpoche in his book "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying", HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, shares the story.
Retreating into the mountains to meditate in the hope of having a vision of Buddha Maitreya and receiving his teachings, Asanga was saddened and disheartened that he did not get even a glimpse of Maitreya in even his dream, the vision he aspired for, having put in some six years of meditation in the harshest of conditions. He thought that he would never succeed in his dream to have the vision of the Buddha and learn from him, hence he left his hermitage abandoning the noble venture. He had not gone far down the road when he saw a man rubbing an enormous iron bar with a strip of silk cloth. Asanga asked him what he was doing to which he received the reply, "I haven't got a needle, so I am going to make one out of this iron bar." Asanga was stunned and told himself "Look at the trouble people give themselves over totally absurd things. You are doing a really valuable spiritual practice and you're not nearly so dedicated." He turned around and went back to his retreat to continue his meditation.
Another three years went by and there was no positive sign that he would have a vision of the Buddha. He told himself, "Now I know for certain I am never going to succeed" and so he left his practice again. Coming down the road, at the foot of a huge rock stood a man busily rubbing the rock with a feather soaked in water. When questioned about his action, the man replied that the rock was stopping the sun from shining onto his home thus he was getting rid of the rock. Asanga could only revel at the faith and indefatigable energy he carried in him, and ashamed at his own lack of dedication he returned back to his retreat.
Three more years passed by and still, he had not even had a single good dream. He told himself that it was utterly useless and hopeless for him to pursue further, and left again. This time he came across a dog lying in the path of the villagers, snarling at all those who passed by, ready to sink its teeth into them although it had only its front legs and the hind legs were rotting away. Compassion came over Asanga. He cut a piece of flesh from his body and fed the dog. He knelt beside the dog, closed his eyes, and began to stick his tongue out to remove the maggots that had infested its flesh. But his tongue touched the ground. Opening his eyes he saw no dog. In its place was the Buddha Maitreya, envelope in a shimmering aura of light.
Asanga asked him why he did not appear earlier. Maitreya replied, "It is not true that I never appeared to you before. I was with you all the time, but your negative karma and obscurations prevented you from seeing me. Your twelve years of practice dissolved them slightly so that you were at last able to see the dog. Thanks to your compassion all the obscurations were completely swept away and you can see me before you with your very own eyes. If you do not believe that this is what happened put me on your shoulders and try and see if anyone else can see me."
Asanga put Maitreya on over his shoulder and went to the marketplace. He began to ask the people there what was it that he carried on his shoulders. None saw Maitreya seated on his shoulder. Surprisingly one woman told him that he was carrying the rotting corpse of a dog on his shoulder. Maitreya told him her karma was slightly purified hence she was the only one able to see the dog. No one saw the Buddha Maitreya.
Sogyal Rinpoche writes that finally, it dawned on Asanga that "the power of compassion had purified and transformed his karma and so made him a vessel fit to receive the vision and instruction of Buddha Maitreya. Maitreya took him to heaven and gave him further teachings.
Just as we cannot envision another's travels or journey or the nuances in his life, most of what I had written at the beginning was what I gathered from others speaking to them, watching documentaries, and reading. Most of it made good reading and made us feel good but it lacked that essential component, that of experiencing that moment. Now as I traveled for some 22 years on the path of the Siddhas after hearing the calling that came through my very first Nadi reading, I am beginning to understand them, after crossing the line too. I think I too have to revisit this blog and relearn it again this time with the spices and flavors of my experience added to it. What was tasteless then surely would be delicious now.
A reader who read the poem or rather the conversation between God and poet Kannadasan wrote in saying, "The post on "Life", the poem aiya...that is 1 of the most profound piece I have read...because I had come here to earth to experience life ...this is the profound summary...an entire life in a poem of 12 lines. He is so wise."
I am wondering how long this gathering of experiences will go on given the revelation that Agathiyar made telling me that we have known each other for crores of birth. It looks like I did not make the mark back then in all those births and have come back again to write the exam. I pray that I have passed his test and will reach his kingdom this time around. I am getting rather tired of this seemingly endless game. Agathiyar too reminded me back then to tread with care, lest I gather more Karma that would have me come back. I should watch and reprimand any desires that arise that would necessitate another birth to take place too or take them out and bring an end to them. Life seems to be complex behind the screen and backstage. Indeed we all know the amount of labor and preparation that goes into staging a show that appears to go smoothly without any hitches. Life is like having come to harvest the grains in the fields. How many more experiences have I to gather before the day ends and I go back home? My feet ache, and my heart aches for the prolonged separation. Many are in the same boat as I. Devotees of Agathiyar and my readers have spoken their hearts out wanting to go back to Agathiyar. I would be selfish to only pray that he take me and leave the others behind. Maybe we need another Noah's Arc, this time to take these souls along too.
I cannot be wrong in saying that most of us are Tuesday and Friday Hindus just as Tsem Rinpoche in his book coauthored with Elizabeth Kaze "My Journey in this Life", Kechara Media and Publications, 2021, defines as Sunday Buddhist those in the remote areas of Tibet who lead a nomadic life, tendered to herd, and not too keen on religion though. "They were Buddhist but Sunday Buddhist", he says. But one cannot blame them for they have to work, toil the soil, herd their cattle, goats, and sheep to make a living, and bring bread and butter to their dining table. At the end of a hard day's work one can imagine their battery level. But I would be doing an injustice to my gurus if I chose not to carry out worship and other practices that my gurus gave me since I have all the time in the world as I am a pensioner now. My work now would be to run my life story before me and atone for all the harm I did to myself and others before my day is up so that I do not need to come back to repay my debts.
Come to think of it I had so much time in my hands since the day I could remember. As a kid and a youth, I was practically enjoying life as it was with others. Though life was tough back then somehow I was sheltered from it and not even the rain splashes wet me. College life too was blissful. My working life too was seemingly stressless, with no deadlines to meet, and I blended well with others and vice versa and only too well with the environment. Taking up the path Tavayogi commented the same too that it all came easy to me while they had to struggle to arrive.
If in the initial years when Agathiyar in the Nadi asked that I build a temple for him, I thought that I was special and my ego inflated only to be burst by Sivabalan who accompanied the reading telling me that Agathiyar had asked 50 others before me; when I asked Tavayogi why I had only come to the path at the age of 43, he shut me up telling me to be grateful that at least I came now; when I was adorning a nine gem and jewel studded ring on my finger and a mercury or Rasamani bead on me, he had me drop wearing them telling me that we do not need it; in the initial years after Agathiyar arrived at my home in the form of a bronze statue and he had strangers drop by and listening to their problems me and my wife who began to give advise caught ourselves in the web that they had spun for themselves, and Tavayogi reprimanded us asking why we involved and not direct them to Agathiyar; when Agathiyar after sending youths over to my home to participate in my home puja which we took into the corridors of temples too, and initiating us to carry out charity bringing cheer and joy in others lives, he pulled the rug from below our feet and had me dissolve the group, some of these though painful made up for valuable experiences that I gained and learned from. The search has stopped and there is nothing further to achieve. I guess this is all that I wanted to experience in coming here this birth. I pray that I do not pick up anything to bring with me and be forced to come back to return them. Today Lord Muruga and Agathiyar have me take a backseat and watch the world go by. I am truly blessed. The next moment death comes knocking on my door, I am prepared to follow him.
In "My Journey in this Life" we read how a monk Gen Nyima who was preparing for his death reversed his decision after the Dalai Lama asked him to stay on for some more years. The former who was then frail, bent, and walked with the aid of a stick soon reversed his state putting on weight and appeared bright and youthful again after a month. "He had the ability to control his body and turn his health around through meditation." Another monk Zong Rinpoche postponed a similar plan when asked to carry out the task of finding the reincarnation of a master. In all these, it shows that one has to be healthy to carry out their tasks and fulfill their purposes. A sick man cannot enlighten another. My prayer is to leave while I am still healthy.
The story of another monk Gen-la begins with him getting up in the morning and doing his routine chores and prayers. He cleaned himself, his altar, shrine, and bowls, before attending meditation. He passed away during meditation. "When he died his body manifested healing pills for people", we read further. We are reminded that "these magical feats and achievements are not an end in themselves. Rather, they are the byproducts of a practitioner's attainments."
My father on the day of his passing asked my mother to iron out his shirt and asked that she make him some coffee, things that he did himself before. By the time she came with the coffee, he was sitting, all dressed up as if ready to "leave", in an unusual pose, in an unusual spot away from his usual chair at the doorway. He was seated on the floor in Padmasana and his pupils were gazing up. The moment my mother placed her hand on him he toppled over onto her lap. He seemed to know of his moment of passing. As for my mother, she told all those gathered at her hospital bedside that she was going to "sleep". She too knew her passing. They both accepted death. Contrary to the common meaning of cheating death, I guess this is what is truly cheating death for death would expect us to fight back or flee or plead. But these souls stood strong in the face of death. I wish I could follow them. And for those who would like to come back, we read that Buddha asked to lay in the reclining pose on one's right with the right nostril closed, and left hand on the left thigh.
The journey within begins here said Osho referring to a spot that the Japanese call Tanden, some 2 inches below the navel. This is exactly where I felt a sensation recurring over two days and in the subsequent days, where I saw an energy rise rapidly to finally settle at the crown of the head. After this experience, Agathiyar told me to do nothing and said that "IT" shall do its work. He is basically telling me to go with the flow.
Agathiyar spoke about this energy, the Kundalini, even as early as 13.10.2007, just months into carrying out the Yoga practice that Tavayogi taught me and several others. He said that they were pleased to see it rising. The revelation made no sense then. Neither were there any indications, feelings, or experiences toward this end. I was clueless.
உண்டாகும் குண்டலினி சக்தி உனக்கு உயர்வதைக் கண்டு நாங்கள் வியந்தோம் அப்பா.
Patanjali on 18.5.2008 in giving me his Yoga Sukmam, a complete guide to the Satvic way of living and practice, gave me both the good and the bad news. He said the many practices taught and shown and put into practice shall bring on excessive heat within that would taut my muscles and nerves. On the other hand, he said the accentuated colors of the aura and the empowered Chakras will raise the Kundalini further.
On 27.8.2009 Agathiyar gave me a further practice known as Tava Sukmam for continued success in my endeavor.
வெற்றி நிலை மிகுந்து காணத் தவ சூச்சமம் தான் விவரிப்பேன்.
In 9.8.2010 he mentioned that the Gnana Kanal or Fire of Gnanam was pretty profound then.
உண்டான ஞான கனல் மிகுந்த காலம் உயர்வான காலம் இது இந்தக் காலம்.
By this time I was having extreme back pain, given the sudden pull and thug in my lower back and buttock that came on as I cleared my throat during my morning shower, which went right down to the right leg and toes and affected my mobility, practically crippling me for some 2 1/2 years to come. After the doctors gave me a clean bill of health I consulted the Nadi. Agathiyar on 17.10.2010 gave me the good news and consoled me on the bad too. What is generally achieved through Hatha Yoga is now possible through Tapas and Puja, he said. But he pointed out that my health was declining. He asked to see a physician who could bring it back to its former state. With His grace, I shall recover well he added.
அடையோகம் தன்னில் கிட்டும் சித்தி அவையனைத்தும் தவமொடு வழிபாட்டில் பெறுவாய். ஆனதொரு ஆரோக்கியம் மட்டும் சோடை. ஒளடதமும் பிடகனை அறிந்து ஏற்க்கவே மாற்றங்கள் ஏற்றம் கிட்டும். என் அருளால் பூரணமாய் பரிசுத்தம் காண்பாய்.
Agathiyar who continued to monitor my situation on 16.1.2011 assured me that all would be fine. He asked me to continue taking the prescription for another half a Mandalam (24 days).
வாகடன்கள் தேகத்திற்கு மட்டும் வளத்துடனே அரை மண்டலாம் எடுத்துக் கொள்ள தேகமத்தில் குறை வாரா.
On 9.8.2011 he pointed out the blissful state I was in. The graceful light of Arutjothi had increased in its immensity he said.
ஆனந்த நிலை இப்போ அடைந்திருக்கிறாய். அருள் ஜோதி நிலை பெருகி உள்ளத்தப்பா.
It was only on 26.11. 2011 that Agathiyar revealed that the creative energy, which after doing its work in bringing me into physical existence and being, and which had hibernated at the Muladhara since then, had awakened as a result of me putting into practice the Yoga and Pranayama techniques that Tavayogi taught me and several others in 2007. As a result, the Muladhara Chakra had gained intense heat hence shutting my systems down. To add to it, my three dosas were off balance and not in the ratio that sustains good health.
உற்றதொரு மூலாதார சக்கரமும் உயர் விதமாய் உட்டனங்கள் அடைந்ததனாலே உரைக்க வரும் சோர்வும் தேகம் தன்னில். உரைக்கலாம் முக்கூற்று திருப்பும் இப்போ முறையாகச் சம நிலையில் இல்லாதிருக்க சோதனைகள் வந்து நிற்க்கும் அச்சம் மிதந்து.
He classified my agony and pain which was external and affecting only one side, as Paareesa Peedai, which after looking up the net I found to mean exactly that, உடலின் ஒரு பக்கம் and "superficial, existing or occurring at or on the surface and appearing to be true or real only until examined more closely."
பாரிச பீடைகளும் வந்து நிற்கும்.
On 21.9.2014 Agathiyar repeated again that the Suzhimunai was opened. He said that the chakras shall function perfectly.
ஆதாரம் முறையாய் விளங்கி நிற்கும். முனை திறந்து இருக்கிறாய் இப்போ.
Towards 28. 8. 2015, though I never realized it, Agathiyar mentioned further changes that have taken place within me. I did not sense any changes. He said that his Jothi had expanded in me and the Suzhimunai had opened.
தேகத்தில் மாற்றங்கள் பெற்று இருக்காய். அகத்துக்குள் அகத்தின் ஜோதி பெருகி தேகத்தில் பல மாற்றம் பல சக்தி கிட்டி முனை திரந்து இருப்பாயே.
On 7.10.2018 Agathiyar in the Nadi said that unaware to me my breath had "intertwined" in my sleep and lay dormant. Though I could not understand what he said, this had resulted in a recurrence of the dreaded back pain coming back in the same intensity as originally as I sneezed while crossing a street.
உனக்குத்தான் நித்திரை தவ வாசி காலம் வாசியும் சீர் பிசகி முடங்கித் தான் இருக்கு.
The next day, 8.10.2018, Lord Murugan and Agathiyar who came to heal me through a devotee and simultaneously in the Nadi, in real-time, brought me the bad news too. He told me my body was crumbling. My spine and hips were currently tense. The gel at these joints had dried up. This is the reason for the acute pain I was having. With some treatment done earlier, a quarter of the issue was overcome. But neither he nor Agathiyar abandoned me.
நின் தேகம் தளருகிறது அப்பா. இந்தக் காலம் உன்னுடைய முதுகு எலும்பும் இடுப்பும் தானே ஒரு வித இறுக்கமாய் இருக்குதப்பா. அப்பா அங்கே இருக்கின்ற தைலம் தானே தைலமது உலர்ந்து போச்சு. இதுதான் உண்மை ஆதலால் சேரும் எலும்பு சந்திப்பெல்லாம் அறிவித்தால் ஒருவித இறுக்கம் அச்சு. ஆச்சப்பா மின்னல் போன்ற வலி தோன்றும். அங்கே அப்போது துடி துடித்து நிற்பான் மைந்தன். மைந்தனுக்கு மருத்துவம் சில செய்ததாலே மாற்றங்கள் கால் பங்கு குணமாகக் கண்டேன். திறம்படவே நீ நடமாட வேண்டும் அப்பா. தீர்க்கமாய் அதற்குத் தான் நூல் உரைக்க வந்தேன். தெளிவிக்க அகத்தியரும் புறப்பட்டு விட்டார். குமரனும் இன்று இரவே அற்புதம் செய்வேன். ஆறுமுகன் சொல்லுகின்றேன் ஷண்முகத்திற்குக் கூறுகின்றேன் உன்னால் எழுந்து நடமாட முடியும். தேகத்திற்கு முதுமை அது வந்துவிட்டாலும் தெளிந்த ஒரு ஆத்மவுள் இருப்பது யானே.
He tells me why I had to go through the suffering. It was to have me sit in one place and do Tapas.
சாற்றநல் இது எதற்கென்று கேள். அகத்தில் நீ அமர்ந்து தவம் தியானம் செய்ய.
After Agathiyar had me spend my days in solitude and my nights sleeping in the prayer room and having me carry out certain regimes and practices that he gave, the heat of the austerities or Tava Kanal coupled with the awakened Muladhara Chakra, that triggered the arousal of the Kundalini, it began to stir and move away from its seat. But still, I was unaware and could not join the dots until Agathiyar came in the Nadi again and revealed. As Kundalini began to move, she caused me to collapse thrice and wriggle like a snake on the landing outside the bathroom and toilet, finally showing signs of her, traveling along my spine and body. It was both painful and blissful.
On 5.9. 2019 Agathiyar came to reveal the reason I fell and lay in front of my bathroom door, slithering in pain like a beaten snake. He described the slithering as a sign of Kundalini moving. Agathiyar said the Kundalini had arisen and had turned up the heat and fire within as well. He acknowledged that it was the bliss of bliss. He mentioned further that the third eye and the crown had opened, and as a result of the three Malas or impurities eradicated, I was partaking in the ambrosia nonstop within. I was both baffled and did not understand what he was saying.
குண்டலினி சக்தி எல்லாம் எழும்புவது எல்லாம் குவளையத்தில் பாம்பின் போன்று நெளிய நேரும். ஆனால் ஆனந்தம் ஆனந்தம் அதுதான் என்போம். மும்மலங்கள் அற்றதொரு தேகம் என்பதாலே, முக்கண்ணும் முறை திறந்து உட்சியும் திறந்து, குண்டலினி உயர்ந்து தான் கனல் எழும்பி, அமிர்தத்தை இடை விடாது உண்டு கொண்டு இருக்கிறாய்.
That would be my last Nadi reading for as the pandemic came on the Nadi readers headed back home. In a timely manner, he brought the shutters down on AVM towards the end of 2019. Beyond this, Agathiyar came through devotees and continued to guide me on this journey of internal transformation.
On 30.1. 2020 Agathiyar said I had stagnated in worldly affairs. He asked to reduce my involvement in outside activities. He said, "All this while you saw to your needs in this world. Now you shall undertake an internal journey. This will reveal your purpose in taking birth. I shall relate what needs to be done to realize your purpose in coming here." He continued, "You cannot possibly break the shackle alone. Hence follow the practices that I am to give you." He told me that I shall come to know what is right and what went wrong. Both shall be lessons I learn. "Whatever was initiated and implemented immediately and promptly brought you success". He surprised me by asking me to restart the Vaasi or breathing practice learned from Tavayogi that he had asked to discontinue at the peak of my back pain in 2010/11/12.
நீ உலக வாழ்க்கையில் நீர்தேங்கிறாய். வெளி உலக பயணம் சற்று குறைத்துக் கொள். இது நாள்வரை நீ கடந்து வந்தது இவ்வுலக வாழ்க்கையின் பயணம். இனி நீ கடக்க போவது உமது உள்பயணம். அதாவது நீ பிறந்ததின் நோக்கம் அறிவதற்கு நீ செய்யக்கூடிய வழிமுறைகள் யாம் கூற இருக்கிறோம். இதன் மூலம் உமது பிறவி பலனை அதன் நோக்கம் நீ அறிவாய். இவ்கடிவாளத்தால் உம்மால் மீண்டு வர இயலாது. ஆகையால் யாம் சொல்லும் வழிமுறைகளைச் செய்து வா. நீ செய்தவையில் எது சரி தவறு என்று நீ கண்டறிவாய். அனைத்தும் உனக்குப் பாடம். குறித்த காலத்தில் நீ செய்த அனைத்தும் உமக்கு நன்மை தந்தது.
He went on to explain further. "Currently, your breath is at the Svadhishthana. It is about time it opened up. This is the right time to start this practice. Sit before me and meditate. During this moment carry out the cleansing breath as taught by your guru. Just the important ones. You shall sense a coolness within. Remain silent in these moments. Focus on your breath. Your breath shall touch the Suzhimunai and swirl. Travel along your seven chakras. That journey shall awaken your chakras. After traversing these chakras when it touches the seventh you shall know your purpose here."
"இத்தருணம் மான் மூச்சு குளத்தில் இருக்கிறது. அவை திறக்கும் தருணம் வந்தது. இப்பொழுதுதான் நீ உமது பயிற்சியினை தொடங்க வேண்டும். இந்நிலையில் அச்சக்கரம் முற்றும் திறந்து விடும். தினமும் காலையில் குளித்து வெறும் வேஷ்டி அணிந்து என் முன் அமர்ந்து தியானம் செய்து வா. தியான முறையின் பொது உமது குரு கூறிய சுவாச சுத்திகரிப்பு பயிற்சியினை செய்து வா. அனைத்தும் வேண்டாம். மூல பயிற்சி மட்டும் போதும். அதை நீ செய்து வர உனக்குள் ஒரு தனி குளிர்ச்சி ஏற்படும். அந்நிலையில் நீ அமைதி கோல். உனது மூச்சில் கவனம் கோல். உமது மூச்சு உமது சுழிமுனை தோட்டு சூழும். உமது ஏழு சக்கரங்களில் பயணம் செய். அப்பயணம் உமது சக்கரங்கள் ஒவ்வொன்றாய் பூர்த்தி செய்யும். மூலாதாரம், ஸ்வாதிஷ்டானம், மணிபூரகம், அனாகதம், விசுத்தி, ஆக்கினையென ஏழாவது சக்கரம் தொடும் நிலையில் நீ உனது பிறவிக்கான பலனை அறிவாய்."
Tavayogi had told me back then that our effort would only bring us to reach Svadhishthana. Beyond that, we needed divine help and its grace. Though Agathiyar had guided him through Nadi readings in the beginning too, he too knew his purpose in the hours of meditation.
After taking his Agathiyar Kuzhambu, a herbal preparation, Agathiyar came around on 27 June 2022, to reveal that it did help in expelling the excesses in the three dosas. But there was more that shall be expelled in due time.
அன்று நீ உண்ட குழம்பினாள் உன் உடலிலிருந்து வாத, பித்த, கபம் சற்றே அகன்றது. இன்னும் இருக்கிறது. அவை அகலும்.
The energy that had pooled and stagnated in the Svadhishthana as the result of the pull of the external world, was released on Monday, 22 August 2022 shortly after I woke up at 6.40am. As I stretched myself in bed I felt an "explosion of energy" in my belly. It was akin to a pull and a tug of a fine nerve or tread right below the navel. It brought on a swirling sensation followed by a chill all over. My whole body became numb right to the tips of my fingers and toes. Soon I felt nauseous and had the urge to pee and urine. Rising from bed, I collapsed twice on the way to the toilet picking myself up each time. I was alone then while my daughter was in her room asleep unaware of what was taking place. Back from the toilet, all was fine. A blissful feeling came over me. Narrating this to my daughter later that day she called up her mother who returned home shortly from our grandchildren's home. The tug I came to see as a divine act that came about through divine grace for Ramalinga Adigal had mentioned it earlier on 14.5.2020. He had said "When you reach my state, energy will come within you without your knowledge. That is Suzhimunai."
"எனது நிலையை நீ தொடும்போது உன்னை அறியாது உன்னை நோக்கி ஒரு சக்தி உன்னுள் இறங்கும். அதுவே சுழிமுனை."
The gentle tug also confirmed what Agathiyar had said before, that the breath shall touch the Suzhimunai and swirl.
உமது மூச்சு உமது சுழிமுனை தோட்டு சூழும்.
The next day, Tuesday 23 August 2022, I woke up at 7.20am to go to the loo but I could not piss. I collapsed again. I picked myself up and climbed onto the bed as my wife watched. My body became numb from the shoulders down. I lay like a dead log on my bed. Although I could not move even an inch of my torso, right from my neck down, I was able to see, hear, and talk and was fully conscious and aware of what was happening to me. I had no fear or anxiety. I asked myself if this was what a dead body would feel like. Was I given an insight into how being death would be? Soon the experience went away.
Agathiyar cleared the air later. He told me not to worry and said that the energy that had pooled and stagnated was released.
கவலை கொள்ள ஒன்றுமில்லை. தேங்கி இருந்த நீர் வெளி கொண்டது.
Later Agathiyar came to give me strength and encouragement. He asked me not to be afraid of death. "It is but another door to another journey. One who invites death is a Siddha. There is much I need to carry out through you.
மரணபயம் வேண்டாம். மரணம் ஒன்றும் அல்ல. மற்றொரு பயணத்தின் கதவு. எவன் ஒருவன் மரணத்தை அன்போடு வரவேற்கின்றானோ அவன் சித்தன் ஆகின்றான். உன்னில் இருந்து நான் காரியங்கள் செய்வதற்கு இன்னும் நிறைய இருக்கிறது.
He asked that I share my experiences with readers. "Enough of my praise. Write about your bodily experiences. Let your writings be about the changes and the transformation taking place in your body. Let your readers know the changes that take place in the body if they come to worship the light and seek to merge with it. My wisdom shall be your experience. Nothing is beyond experience. Experience shall become knowledge to you. Experience first and I shall clarify the experiences later."
எனது பெருமை போதும். இனி உன் எழுத்துக்கள் உடல் மாற்றங்கள் உடல் அனுபவம் பற்றியதாக இருக்கட்டும். ஜோதியினை வழிபட்டால் அதில் இணைய வேண்டும் என்றால் உடலில் எவ்வித மாற்றங்கள் ஏற்படும் என்று உன் வாசகர்களுக்குத் தெரிய படுத்து. உனது அனுபவம் எனது அறிவு. அனுபவமே உனக்கு அறிவு. அனுபவத்தைத் தாண்டி ஒன்றுமே இல்லை. நீ அனுபவம் கொண்டுவா, பின்னர் உரைக்கிறேன்.
Just as Agathiyar asked to travel along the seven Chakras earlier where the journey shall awaken these Chakras, the awakened energy was practically pulled from its lower regions by a magnetic force to its summit in the crown over the next few days. I guess this is what Agathiyar meant when he said I shall feel a magnetic wave arise. The swirling sensation felt for several weeks in the abdomen just below my navel was regularly felt in the crown of my head but with a lesser intensity. It seemed more like a flowering of petals now and was blissful. The chillness and swirling that was akin to a flowering went on irrespective of my daily activities these days. It was more intense each time I brought my attention to it. He said that after traversing the Chakras and the Kundalini touches the seventh I shall know my purpose here. Following the flowering in the crown that went on without my effort, participation, or action, I asked Agathiyar what I should do further. His reply was to do nothing and that it shall do its work.
உமது ஏழு சக்கரங்களில் பயணம் செய். அப்பயணம் உமது சக்கரங்கள் ஒவ்வொன்றாய் பூர்த்தி செய்யும். மூலாதாரம், ஸ்வாதிஷ்டானம், மணிபூரகம், அனாகதம், விசுத்தி, ஆக்கினையென ஏழாவது சக்கரம் தொடும் நிலையில் நீ உனது பிறவிக்கான பலனை அறிவாய்."
Looking back now it all falls into place. Now coming to think of it, all the breathing techniques Tavayogi showed us and that we picked up and practiced focused on belly breathing. The focus of Tavayogi's practice was all the while on the Tanden. The practices acted as a bellow blowing hot air and with it the Prana, which fanned the fire of austerity within the Tanden. I could feel an immense amount of Prana enter with each breath and expand throughout the body. It was simply thrilling and made me want to carry on doing it. Indeed we were breathing from the naval and not the lungs.
Finally, after he had me take notes of his thoughts summarizing the whole journey and read them on the last Guru Purnima to the handful who gathered at AVM for my 60th wedding, giving it to them in a teacup.
The Siddha shall come down. When we follow their directives they shall walk with us holding our hands. This travel then shall not be that of an external but of an internal journey. Yoga is the key to this travel within. From Sariyai arriving at Kriyai, now they shall teach Yogam. The journey within shall begin. You shall witness happenings. You shall see many things. It would be puzzling to you. It would be new to you too. Continuing this internal journey, you shall arrive at each Chakra and eventually see the cosmic dance of Thillai in Sahasrara. A 1000-petaled flower will keep on opening up continuously. Arutjothi will come to reside here. Then its effulgence enters within, and just as how the Kundalini upon awakening traverses each Chakra purifying them, this effulgence brings on the shine and luminosity in them. Jothi Darisanam takes place where one sees the light or effulgence. The body takes on the same. Vibrations begin to emit within and around us and are felt by those tuned to receive and feel around us. They shall follow you. You become a Jeeva Mukta, having attained Mukti while living in the flesh. Henceforth you are no different from Agathiyan and Agathiyan is no different from you. You are me and I am you."
After bringing me thus far, Agathiyar often asked if I was enjoying the quiet, silence, and bliss. What can I say? I am grateful to him.
Who can bring life's philosophy, the nature and meaning of life, of reality and human existence to the reach of the common man in simple terms if not Poet Kannadhasan? Reading and listening to his words brings us to a deep realization. To understand every aspect of life one has to live it out. This is beautifully conveyed through a conversation with God as follows.
What comes out of life, I asked. Live it he (God) said.
What does reading teach, I asked. Read and you shall know he said.
What is knowledge I asked. Experience it and you shall know he said.
What is love I asked. Give it and you shall know he said.
What is affection I asked. Share it and you shall know he said.
What is pleasure with a mate, I asked. Wed and you shall know he said.
What is a child I asked. Give birth and you shall know he said.
What is old age I asked. Live it and you shall know he said.
What is poverty I asked. Live it and you shall know he said.
What comes after death I asked. Die and you shall know he said.
Then I asked him if it was all to be experienced, why do I need you?
God took a step forward and whispered, "I am these experiences."
Kannadhasan has brought us to accept everything in life. Just as Agathiyar told us not to take pity on others, Yogi Ramsuratkumar said that India needs beggars, etc, all these souls wanted to have these experiences and God created those avenues for them to experience and learn. Hence as Sadhu Om pens the following song, everything is in its place and we have nothing to complain.
Kannadhasan charts life's journey from beginning to end in the following songs.
He gives us the courage to face life.
He describes the many ways in which the divine man slips and falls into disgrace.
He should know because he lived through it all. Experience taught him much. As others tell us that experience is the greatest teacher, so did Agathiyar tell us that "You have to write your own guidebook for your journey, based on your experiences".
"உனக்கு வழி காட்டும் புனிதநூல் உன்னால் மட்டுமே எழுதப்பட முடியும். அது உன்னுடைய அனுபவங்களைக் கொண்டுதான் எழுதப்பட வேண்டும்".
It is no wonder that if I started blogging sharing my pilgrimage to India initially, and later spoke the praise of my gurus in physical form and Agathiyar, Agathiyar came later and told me enough of praises to him and that henceforth I should write about the internal transformation and share it with those keen to follow the path to Light so that they too would be prepared mentally and physically to pursue the course.
I have finally understood the meaning of Agathiyar and Lord Muruga asking me to keep quiet, be still, and do nothing. It was beautifully explained by Osho and I had carried it in a post back then in July of 2019, but as a reader and devotee who wrote in telling me that she could see many similarities between a previous post I wrote and her life, and when I pointed out to her that it was an old post that I had shared with her, and quipped "Look at the timing", just as she replied "The timing was right for me to only have it now...I probably would not have recognized its value before. I didn't see it before because I was still in the process of experiencing it", similarly I only could see the relationship and truth of the matter after having arrived and experiencing the moment.
Osho in "The White Lotus", Jaico Publishing House, 2004, had said it beautifully.
When people come to me and they ask, ‘How to meditate?’ I tell them, ‘There is no need to ask how to meditate, just ask how to remain unoccupied. Meditation happens spontaneously. Just ask how to remain unoccupied, that’s all. That’s the whole trick of meditation – how to remain unoccupied. Then you cannot do anything. The meditation will flower. When you are not doing anything the energy moves towards the center, it settles down towards the center. When you are doing something the energy moves out. Doing is a way of moving out. Non-doing is a way of moving in. Occupation is an escape. You can read the Bible, you can make it an occupation. There is no difference between religious occupation and secular occupation: all occupations are occupations, and they help you to cling outside your being. They are excuses to remain outside.
Now it dawns on me why Agathiyar had me bring the shutters down on all the activities that arose as a result of him bringing youths to witness and participate in the puja at my home that took on the name Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM). Now it dawns on me why he had me stop all the charity programs that we were doing and had lined up telling us that others would pick up from where we left off. Now it dawns on me why he had me send his bronze statue away to the home of another devotee and have me do nothing. Now it dawns on me why no one comes calling It was in Osho's terms to have me remain unoccupied. During the years 2019 to 2022, that I remained unoccupied, the primordial energy that gave life and form to this body in 1959 and went into hibernation mode and that was activated in 2007 by the Yoga practice taught by Tavayogi, and that in running its course stagnated and pooled at one point, was released to flow again in 2022 in all its majesty to reach the ocean of bliss. As Osho said "The meditation will flower", it did flower. I felt the gentle opening of petals in the crown of my head.
Asking Agathiyar if there was any further practice that I needed to do, he replied that there was none and that the energy would do its work. Osho too says the same, "Don’t do anything – no repetition of mantra, no repetition of the name of god – just watch whatever the mind is doing. Don’t disturb it, don’t prevent it, don’t repress it; don’t do anything at all on your part. You just be a watcher, and the miracle of watching is meditation." He adds that one shall become more alert and more aware. Awakening takes place. He says that we shall delight in our own being. It is sheer delight he says. (Source: https://hackspirit.com/osho-reveals-almost-everyone-gets-meditation-wrong-correctly/)
Agathiyar in having me take notes as he dictated and read them out to those who attended my 60th wedding anniversary during the last Guru Purnima, says that,
The Siddha shall come down. When we follow their directives they shall walk with us holding our hands. This travel then shall not be that of an external but of an internal journey. Yoga is the key to this travel within. From Sariyai arriving at Kriyai, now they shall teach Yogam. The journey within shall begin. You shall witness happenings. You shall see many things. It would be puzzling to you. It would be new to you too. Continuing this internal journey, you shall arrive at each Chakra and eventually see the cosmic dance of Thillai in Sahasrara. A 1000-petaled flower will keep on opening up continuously. Arutjothi will come to reside here. Then its effulgence enters within, and just as how the Kundalini upon awakening traverses each Chakra purifying them, this effulgence brings on the shine and luminosity in them. Jothi Darisanam takes place where one sees the light or effulgence. The body takes on the same. Vibrations begin to emit within and around us and are felt by those tuned to receive and feel around us. They shall follow you. You become a Jeeva Mukta, having attained Mukti while living in the flesh. Henceforth you are no different from Agathiyan and Agathiyan is no different from you. You are me and I am you."
Swami Muktananda has spoken about the So Ham mantra, which follows inhalation and exhalation. Osho spoke about bringing our attention to the gap or space between these breaths. Here Sri Vasant Lad explains the So Ham mantra that naturally accompanies our breath.
Osho too says the same. "Breath is the bridge. Not only is the breath a bridge to your body, but it is also a bridge between you and the universe. Breath is also the bridge between you, and space and time." Osho in his "Book of Secrets" says that "Buddha's enlightenment was based on using breath just as a technique to turn inwards - only this. Buddha said, "Be aware of your breath as it is coming in and going out." Eventually, we shall take notice of the gap or interval between two breaths without effort. In bringing us Shiva's first of nine techniques concerned with the breath, from the "Vigyan Bhairav Tantra", Osho in his "Book of Secrets" reveals, "If you can feel the gap, Shiva says, the beneficence, then nothing else is needed. You are blessed, You have known; the thing has happened."
Agathiyar in my Nadi reading told me that Buddha and Lord Ganapathy were authorities on the breath.
Osho explains that contrary to our belief that the incoming breath and outgoing breath are running parallel as in parallel lines, they actually are one single breath, that in actuality flows in a circle. There is a point where the incoming breath turns and becomes the outgoing. Quoting another stanza of Shiva, we are asked to observe and realize this point of turning and becoming a realized soul. When the breath is static neither going out nor coming in, at this fusion point we are in our center. Agathiyar calls this center Suzhimunai. Each shall realize his center. It is the place where there arises energy and a feeling or Unarvu that comes with it. "Know it to be your Suzhimunai," says Agathiyar. Osho asks us to observe the child's breath. He says children are in their center and at their center. The reason is that children give themselves up completely in all their doings and at all times. Hence we should learn to follow these children give themselves up in totality and not try to change them to our ways. One who arrives at his center becomes total. Agathiyar calls this the state of Paripuranam.
Agathiyar never fails to amaze us. I was in the midst of drafting the following,
"When I was worried that the pain I endured thrice before had come back I tried using tiny electric impulses emitted by electrodes on the skin, a similar gadget used when I went for my physioteraphy sessions back then, on my back. It worked to bring relief. The tightness around my hips and buttocks was relieved."
"We are here because of our past karma or unfulfilled desires, to fulfill another's wish or to help others out. Tavayogi who was a pretty old soul came to lead us to light. My daughter had asked that both me and my wife who were her parents in a former birth too, to come back again. Besides that I too had a karma score to settle. Only after coming to the Siddhas did I come to know about Karma and my score chart too."
... when a reader began messaging me after she read a post posted in May that I shared with her today. It is an old post that I sent to a friend with whom I spoke over the phone last night. I wanted to share the song that poet Kannadasan had written about God and experience being one. I shared it with her too.
She wrote telling me that she could see many similarities in her life. She told me that in her conversation with Agathiyar yesterday she asked him to reveal some truths to her. She felt the post was written for her. She found "the reasons for some events in her life (unfinished business), the challenges, and the experiences". She tells me "He mentions the experiences in such simple language but I understand the depth and magnitude having experienced...so much more to unpack from this post aiya...will have to read it again."
When I replied "Look at the timing", she replied "The timing was right for me to only have it now...I probably would not have recognized its value before. I didn't see it before because I was still in the process of experiencing it."
I told her based on my many experiences, "The explanation always comes after the experience." She being a good writer replied, "You are right aiya... it's a very different form of the education system...conventional educational systems explain first and then allow for experience. Knowledge is important but this system nurtures the acquisition of wisdom."
We agreed that learning was always a work in progress. She enlightened me saying "I came across something a few days back aiya something Agasthiyar apparently said... it says, "Everything in this universe is already there...nothing is new. Everything is already created, we only find it when the time is right (when one is ready for it, frequency ready). We have to be open to continuous learning on earth."
Fetching my daughter from the monorail station we stopped over at the warehouse sale again in the afternoon and picked up several more books. There is something about books that one cannot describe. It is more of a bond and I guess that is why we are called bookworms.
Reading through William J Peters's book "At Heaven's Door", Simon & Schuster, 2022 where he explores those about to die, he says they are not alone on their journey back home. He calls it "shared crossings" He says each of us is "guided back on our journey."
A neighbor's father would share with me that he was seeing his departed relatives call out to him to join them. What surprised me was that the description of the scene was just like where we live now, with rows of linked houses and streets.
If those nearing their time or about to leave see relatives and friends calling out to them as I found out, for those remaining behind and sending them off it could happen in various ways says William J Peters. Some might see the departing soul. Others might "experience sensations or sense of the presence of other energy forces or loved ones previously departed", he says.
I sensed a strong presence of divine energies as my late brother-in-law who initiated and built a prayer hall for his guru Sri Raghavendra called the Sri Raghavendra Mritiga Brindavanam Kinta lay in his coffin.
Some simply know, says William J Peters "without knowing where the knowledge came from." I was surprised to watch a dog rush between my house and a neighbor's home yelping, barking, and crying during the last few moments of its companion dog's departure. It knew.
If departed relatives, friends, and soulmates are on hand to invite the dying commoner, the Gods are at hand to receive the saints and gurus in their last moment before withdrawing from this body. After Tavayogi's demise, a devotee was shown in her dream Lord Siva ferrying Tavayogi on a boat across an ocean of water. In the distance was a hill where Siddhas, Rishis, and Munis went about their daily chores. It is interesting to note that departed souls were waited upon by boatmen according to the ancient Greeks and Egyptians, as pointed out by William J Peters.
We were honored to know that they came for my late mother too. When my mother lying on the hospital bed told all those gathered that she wanted to sleep we knew what she meant. Agathiyar coming through me asked that we do not delay her departure by holding on to her any longer. His reason was that another birth was waiting for her. She passed away shortly after that. Later during the funeral Agathiyar announced himself and told all those gathered that Lord Siva was with us at that moment too. We were blessed.
We were blessed in many other ways and moments too. Yogi Ramsuratkumar came on a Sivarathri night two years back without our knowledge and listened intently to Sadhu Om's songs rendered by Sriram Parthasarathy, which I played on my home theatre system. After he revealed his presence to my wife, he announced to us that my guru and his disciple Supramania Swami was with him too. When Tavayogi and Mataji were at AVM conducting the homam Mataji felt the ground shaking below her feet, but could not comprehend it. Two days later Agathiyar in a Jeeva Nadi reading for a devotee read by Tavayogi revealed that the Siddhas were present that night and only Mataji sensed it. Agathiyar once summoned Tirumular to his left and Bhogar to his right asking them to take their place as I stood bewildered and in awe. As I took a step backward for they had then formed a ring, Agathiyar asked me to stand amidst them completing the circle.
An architect who went into a state of coma after a second bout of severe dengue was met by Lord Yama. As he began chanting Lord Siva's name, Lord Siva appeared with his long tresses flowing over his shoulders and back, and with a blue-hued body, huge and way much bigger and majestic in comparison with Yama who was a midget in size. Lord Siva placed his hand on Yama's chest and shoved him away, driving him towards the direction from whence he came, and sending him out of sight. Siva led my friend by his hand and showed him all the worlds. The devotee came out of that state of coma. He surprised us by saying that Lord Yama was not as what was depicted in paintings and movies. He was not darkly tanned, huge, ferocious-looking, and menacing, and did not mount a Buffalo but was instead of a gold complexion and seated on a golden lion. But he had an attitude though. He indicated that the devotee followed him.
When I thought a call to a Nadi reading was something big, as we were told not everyone would find his Nadi; When I thought called to the path was even bigger, for the Siddha path back then was seen as a cult following by a niche group of followers and devotees; When I thought that the call to built a temple for Agathiyar was something special and that I was special in his eyes; When Agathiyar sent many youths over to my home and it became Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), all these seem pale after hearing Balamurugan speak about his travel to Kailash. This is the story of the son of a rubber tapper who made it to become a Chartered Accountant and soon found himself jobless and standing before the majestic mountain that made him feel the size of an ant. It was in 2011 when he became jobless and was lost that he undertook this journey of discovering his true strength, his endurance, and his might against nature and the majestic mountain, and eventually discovering his Self. The Holy Mountain in a very rare moment paved the way for his entourage to come up close, hug, caress, and kiss it. It too in return embraced them in its fold. I shall let Balamurugan speak for himself.
I went back again to the warehouse sale this morning and bought more books that were only brought out now, that caught my eyes now, and which missed my gaze earlier. Life is all about stories. And books add flavor and spice to it. We have watched, heard, and read the many stories based on the Puranas where the Gods played their lila and divine game on their devotees. A sadhu who looked after the needs of Sadhu Krishnaveni Amma of Kalyana Theertam shared stories of her including one where Lord Muruga as a kid used to tease her and cause mischief, playing with her. He would pull down the wet cloths that she would hang to dry and run away with Krishnaveni Amma chasing after him with a stick. It was joy and fun to watch them he told Jnana Jothiamma as he recounted those moments. Ramalinga Adigal sings of the divine Lila that the divine played on him. In fact, he asked for more. If those were stories that we saw depicted in the movies, stories that we read, and stories that we heard from people, the divine began its divine play in our lives too. If upon stepping into the phase of Kriyai they came to guide us on the worship of Siddhas detailing rituals, upon stepping into the phase of Yoga, they guided us on our internal journey by giving Yoga practices through the guru and also the medium of the Nadi back then before the pandemic. During the pandemic, they came through devotees to bless and guide us into the next phase of Gnanam. Since then Agathiyar has showered his blessings, grace, and knowledge on us without any reservation.
When Agathiyar told me in the Nadi many years back that he would not expose me, I had no idea what he meant. I soon understood where they were bringing me. Neither he nor Tavayogi ever suggested I start a Peedham, an ashram, or an establishment. But when Agathiyar brought youths over to my home it became Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) where they participated in my home puja and where charity programs were planned and charted. Tavayogi who taught us yoga never told me to teach another. Only later during the years of post-pandemic did Agathiyar ask that I teach Mahindren who was assigned later to teach the rest at AVM. If Tavayogi never wanted me to be dependent on him, on amulets, gems, rosaries, and eventually the Nadi too, Agathiyar never wanted me to depend on the group, association, following, on hosting his celebration and his idol and finally even on him. Just as in the book summary of Matt Gaw's "Under the Stars - A Journey into Light", we read that "We only need to step outside to find that in darkness the world lights up", Agathiyar cut me loose and has me graze the fields, take in the fresh air, watch the sky, and sleep peacefully. When everybody tells me they are busy with their work and career here I am left doing nothing. It is a blessing indeed not to do anything. Indeed our priorities in life change. Hollis Lance Liebman writes in the introduction of his book "Anatomy of Exercise for Longevity", Hinkler Books Pty Ltd, 2015 that "Fit older folks have learned that there comes a day when aesthetics (how the body looks) takes a back seat to functionality (how the body performs). When the question "How much can I bench?" is completely unimportant and replaced with "How do I feel?"
Yesterday my daughter asked me to accompany her to a warehouse sale of a publishing company in the industrial area adjacent to our neighborhood. We had stopped going to these fairs for some time now as we needed more space to store additional books. Only when we began to give away many books some time back did we have space to stock more. I picked up a couple of books for myself and my grandchildren, the Holy Bible for my neighbor, and some Gospel stories for his grandchildren, while my daughter bought some for herself. Speaking to a friend from Slovenia some time back, he tells me that he too has a huge collection of books as he is an academician. He keeps learning more languages including Mandarin, Indonesian, and Tamil. A relative of mine too is obsessed with learning. Having done his general degree, master's, and doctorate he took up a Diploma too. If these academic subjects boost our status and standing in our careers and society, on the other hand reading autobiographies and biographies of achievers both in the material and spiritual world is uplifting for the soul. These success stories boost our drive to engage similarly. Then there comes a time when you tend to place these books down and seek these said experiences for yourself. You yearn to know about yourself and your purpose here, often asking what am I doing here? Here then the search begins to know oneself. We are told that in knowing oneself everything else is known. This search brings us to numerous paths and masters and their teachings. But only one shall sync with our soul. From then the soul takes flight. There is no looking back. While for some the journey is smooth sailing, the seas are pretty rough for others. But at the end of the day or rather the end of the journey it is all about gathering experiences and learning from them. I too was shown the many faces of humanity traveling a short distance on the path of the Siddhas. Agathiyar wanted me to learn from these experiences.
Just as others left a legacy we too need to leave something behind, a mark of our existence here. If generally, the ordinary man leaves behind his children and property and a name that he had carved for himself in society, a Siddha goes beyond worldly existence and looks to means and ways to save all souls. Hence they tirelessly work to get man to wake up from their dream state and take up the means and methods to eventually reckon with the soul that delivers him back home. Many have tried but the hold of Maya is too strong for many to break through the veil and see the light. We understand the Siddhas sadness and worries about humanity once we step into their shoes too. The Siddhas are the bridge between man and God only until, walking on it he eventually finds that he and the bridge are no different. At that instance, he realizes that there is no destination but only a moment-to-moment in existence. We live and die the very next moment only to become alive again and to die in the next, for life follows the breath and the Prana within and without. For those trained in Yoga, they tend to prolong both moments. This is what Tavayogi told us that we should attempt to do. But beyond life and death, there is still this existence of the Self or soul. Knowing this he begins to lose his hold on the gross for he knows that he is the very existence. He knows that he is both the part and the whole. Knowing this he begins to awaken others to this truth. He then is a guru, a light, a beacon. He is a Jeevan Mukta. He starts to bring others to the fold, not to worship him but to transform themselves into his state or rather the state of the very source. They rejoice in this union.
I finally did it after numerous attempts to sit and try meditation. I could actually go within for one solid hour at 4 a.m. this morning. It was truly blissful. It was my very first taste of meditation. Though it is only a fraction of what others could do, it was an achievement for me. The sense of having a body that ached and pained over the past few weeks vanished. The pranic body came to the forefront. The breath took the reign. I was then a witness, a watcher.
Looking back at history the emperors amazed more land and wealth by conquering other nations, hence expanding their hold on soil and people. It is no different in the spiritual path too. What starts with a humble dwelling or shed expands into a massive building in wanting to house devotees. What starts with feeding a few expands to a few hundred. When it is all about expanding and growing all around us, Tavayogi and Agathiyar taught us to shed our hold and let go of even all that he initiated us to do. We come stark naked and we leave naked. But midway we begin to accumulate many a thing. It is of course necessary to have a roof above us and a vehicle to move around, but what Agathiyar teaches us is to be prepared to let go voluntarily when the call comes.
We think that times are bad and are saddened that wars a fought and lives perish. But was there a time back in history when men did not go against each other? It is not that we are condoning wars but so many battles have been fought beginning with the mythical Kurukshetra war to this present day. History seems to repeat itself. It makes you think that if this could all be but a prolonged and extended dream. Is this Maya then? Is all this an illusion? The world only exists at least to us if only we are alive, right? Close our eyes and shut our ears the world around us disappears momentarily. But beyond this body and senses, there is a tenant or dweller we are told who was, is, and exists forever. We are asked to know it, him or her. Then we have arrived. This existence or sense of existence as Acharya Gurudasan put it is what was there, is here, and shall continue to exist. This existence took many forms in creation for its play. It then began to get attached to its role and believed it was the form and name it came by. It then finds it rather difficult to shed this identification with these. It suffers, and it enjoys through this identification. In dropping first all our hold on things material and as we move to drop even this identification with this gross body and label given to it, it returns to the state of existence. Now I understand why Tavayogi in having me drop my hold on him even before it could grow and Agathiyar in bringing me to shed my hold on all things after I had carried them out and gained the accompanying experiences and learned from them, asked that I drop even my love and attachment toward him. It is only when we step out of this identification of separateness that the merger takes place. We become one as Agathiyar says.
I seem to have a high expectation of others to perform equally as I do I think for even Lord Muruga came and told me to let them be and that he shall take care of them in good time. Agathiyar had earlier told me not to be harsh with them for it shall frighten them away from the path. But isn't that what teachers, masters, and gurus are supposed to do? I remember when I was in standard two our teacher Mr Osman punished us by stretching a rubber band and letting it go on our ears that would sting like a bee. But we and our parents took it with good spirit then. Nowadays it's entirely different. Lay a finger on the kid and the parents and the law comes down hard on you.
I guess that is the reason Agathiyar stripped me of the post of a guru that he intended to give me even before it was conferred on me. I am not a guru material for I lose my temper often. Even after Agathiyar came in the Nadi and lectured me for an hour on anger management and kept reminding me to keep my cool, less the energies that he activated in me drop back to the lower regions, it is an uphill task to zip up in the face of injustice happening before my very eyes or when people ignore what is told more so when they ignore the very Siddhas words.
So eventually they had me do nothing. I guess the lesson here is to accept it all as his doing and just watch.
Anita Moorjani in her book "What If This Is Heaven", Hay House, 2016, tells us, "If we could see this physical world from that connected state of non-duality we would see that everything that happens is perfect just as it is even if it doesn't seem that way from our more limited earthly perspective." How beautiful. She reflects Bhagawan Ramana's teachings as brought to us by his disciple Sadhu Om in the following verses.
எப்போது நீயறி வாயோ மனமே அப்போதே சாந்தி யடைவாய் இப்பாரி லெப்போதும் எல்லா மிறையருளால் தப்பா தணுவளவுஞ் சரியாய் நடப்பதாக (எப்போது…)
Days ago reading writer Balakumaran's book we learn of Maya at work through our minds.
உனக்கு நீயே பொய்யாய் இருந்து விடாதே. எல்லா நேரமும் விழிப்பாய் இரு. உண்மையோடு இருக்க விழிப்பாய் இருக்க வேண்டும். மூளை உறங்கினால் ஏகப்பட்ட பொய்கள் சொல்லத் தொடங்கும். இதுதான் ரொம்ப முக்கியம். நெல் முலையளவு கூட கற்பனை செய்யாத மனம் வேண்டும். சத்தியத்தை உண்மையை இறுக்கிக் கொண்ட உடனே அதற்குச் சோதனைகள் வரும். உள்ளும் புறமும் பொய் சொல்ல வேண்டிய நிலை வரும். மனம் மிகச் சக்தி வாய்ந்த விஷயம் மணி. இது மனிதர்களுக்குத் தெரியவில்லை.
Do not cheat yourself. Be Awake (Aware) always. To stay truthful you need to be always Awake (Aware). Lose your Wakefulness (Awareness) and your mind shall begin to lie to you. This (Wakefulness and Awareness) is truly important. Do not let imagination run wild. One who begins to hold on to honesty and truth shall be tested. He shall be cornered to tell lies. Mani, the Mind is truly powerful. People do not realize it.
Tavayogi spoke on Maya in passing telling me I was living in it when he visited my home for the very first time in 2005. Lord Muruga came post-pandemic and asked me to watch out for Maya was playing a game.
Anita Moorjani says that "Nothing can change these destructive patterns until we break open the myths and reveal the lies that have been informing our thoughts and beliefs."
Why does the Siddha have to come down for us? Are we deserving of their love and compassion? When I told Acharya Gurudasan that at times Agathiyar was harsh on us asking us if he had to come down even to tutor us on the basics, and he could not go any lower, Acharya told me that he understands pretty well how difficult it was for these Siddhas to come down from their high state of being to address humanity. Indeed Annie Besant too in writing on the different states of vibrations writes of the spiritual teacher's state in her book "Avatara-s", The Theosophical Publishing House, 2002,
He is hampered in the giving by the want of receptivity in those to whom his message is addressed. It is not the withholding of the teacher but the closing of the heart of the hearer; not the hesitation of the teacher but the want of the ear that hears; not the dearth of teachers but the dearth of pupils who are willing and ready to be taught. They are waiting, waiting, waiting with tireless patience in order to find someone willing to be taught, and when one human heart opens itself out and says, "O Lord teach me", then the teaching comes down in a stream of divine energy and floods the heart. Unlock the heart and throw away the key and you will find yourselves flooded with a wisdom which is ever waiting to come in.
Why are they doing it then? Because of love. Love governs everything. But most of us are not connected to it although the divine and creation provides many avenues and events for us to become connected to each other. Listening to my daughter play Engelbert Humperdinck's song "A Man Without Love" while sending her to work, where Engelbert sings the line, "Lonely is a man without love" it made me think and imagine if there was no one you could love or vice versa, no one would love you, how would our world be?
Love is the cement binding all of creation and life. With so many breakups and divorces taking place, if there are cracks in a marriage act fast to mend it. Do not let it open up wider and have the whole structure come down. Is it safe to say that our individual ego is the cause of breakups? If we have often touched on the need to drop the ego so that the Atma can reveal itself, Anita Moorjani asked us to look at it in another way. She tells us that the ego is not our enemy as we need it to survive in this world and that without it it is not possible to experience what we came for, to experience the duality and the separation, and only then can the yearning to be with the One come by. She adds "We are predisposed to have both a healthy ego and a healthy sense of conscious awareness." Even the saints to stay rooted and grounded have to have at least a small amount of ego left in them that shall hold them back. Otherwise, they leave. So it looks like we need to work on this ego rather than eradicate it. We have to purify and fine-tune it to the state of the higher vibrations. It then submits to the will of the divine and the divine shall walk in us and work in us. All shall be well.
Some time back when the ATM machine rejected my debit card and asked that I go to the nearest bank I did as told wondering why the cash transaction failed. The lady over the counter started a chat with me as she took out an eraser and began to rub the surface of the EMV chip and gave it back to me telling me to try now. It worked. So just days ago when the same thing happened I went home and looked for an eraser and did the same. It works. My daughter tells me if you have glue on your scissors use an eraser to remove it. If we thought nobody uses an eraser except to erase pencil markings, its use goes beyond that. Similarly, we might not realize that we are put on the face of this earth to do more than a thing or two. It might be something good or something harmful. We never know. Nothing is useless. Everything has its use. The person who you least expect to be of some help might turn up at your door in your time of need. Acharya Gurudasan who visited Malaysia over the past weekend to teach Kriya Yoga and Balachander Aiya who helped coordinate the program shared a story. An aide who was tasked to look after providing the meals for the three-day session had a puncture while ferrying the meals and was stranded by the roadside. Two complete strangers stopped by to change the tire that had burst and went off without a word. They were like God-sent. The attendees were fed without any hitches.
My gurus were God-sent. Agathiyar and the Siddhas were God-sent too. Their Nadi was a gospel to me. My friend Andraz from Slovenia calls them the Oracles. They spoke to me through this medium before they began to manifest in the body of devotees to deliver their messages. Though I had seen village deities come into the body of some and deliver messages since young, a Siddha coming within was truly surprising. All these captivated me and several others and we used to speak about the greatness of the Siddhas.
In telling the story of Tsem Rinpoche, Elizabeth Kaye who coauthored the book "My Journey In This Life", a Kechara Media & Publications, 2021, says the same too in describing the oracle of Dorje Shugden "as amazing that when you pray to this protector, he enters the oracle. We get to talk to him. He tells us not random things but specific things and it works exactly as told. After a while, we do not defy him but carry out what is told."
When my nephew told me that he had brought a message for me and not to question him, I complied with him. As we sat before each other in my prayer room his body shook and as if in a trance he delivered the Vasudeva mantra and asked that I recite it for it shall pave the way for me to meet my guru. I was told a couple of years later that Agathiyar had requested the mantra initiation, coming through the soul of my nephew's Paramaguru Gopal Pillai. My nephew was the medium and messenger to deliver it. As told I met my very first guru in the flesh Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai the following year while on my maiden pilgrimage to India in 2003, to settle my debts and balance the score and lay down at least a major part of the Karma baggage I had brought with me. Then it happened again with Supramania Swami. He went into a state of deep meditation during a large part of the 5 hours I spent in his company. Like Tsem Rinpoche describes, he entered the oracle or tapped into the Akashic records and delivered everything that I needed to know then.
When Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar visited Malaysia some time back a devotee consulted the Jeeva Nadi that was given to Tavayogi and is now in her possession. He was told to prepare to follow another and learn certain skills from a master and eventually conduct a puja for Agathiyar. As he shared his trip to India just moments ago over the phone, he was equally surprised that it had all taken place and worked exactly as told. Someone invited him and several others along to India and they found a master who passed on certain teachings and he "discovered" a temple for Agathiyar where he conducted a puja for him fulfilling the Oracle.
Reading Velayudham Kartikeyan Aiya's blog Siththan Arul truly captivated me as he shared the many revelations of Agathiyar as read by Hanumathdasan Aiya of Chennai. This was the stepping stone for me to learn further about the Siddha's Oracle. Then I learned that my guru Tavayogi could read the Jeeva Nadi too in later years. What surprised us and him too was that my wife was shown this in her dream.
Life seems to be a dream indeed at times. Life seems to be a timeline of fleeting moments. What we have these days is only a vague memory of those moments, faces, names, and places. I am glad that I began to document everything in writing after returning from my maiden pilgrimage to India in 2003 for my memory too shall fail me one day. At least my grandchildren can look up these posts and learn what took place in the past as they grow older.
