CROSSING THE RIVER

Over the years we have come to realize that no amount of narration will bring on the experience one has had. The seeker needs to get on the ground, walk the path, tread the rough terrain, sail through the rapids, wet his feet, fall into the mud, and learn to look out and avoid the potholes. 

Following Tavayogi to the numerous Siddha abodes and temples, that was initiated by Agathiyar in my Nadi reading, I had absolutely no fear then. Neither did I have any care in the world. I realized now that the reason was that I had no possession then to be worried about. I had no home to lock up and leave or to return to. I had no dependant that I needed to stop to care for. I had just me. We tracked the Kuttralam jungles and slept in its caves, we hiked the boulders and entered the Uthiyur caves, not knowing what was in store for us. He stepped into cave openings and narrow samadhis not fearing if there were reptiles and animals lurking in the dark. He walked as if one who was possessed, hardly turning back to see if I was following. I had to hasten my steps to keep up with him. Occasionally he would turn back to point out to me that there was the aroma of sandalwood, sacred ash, and benzoin in the air, all indicating the presence of the Siddhas or tell me that the Siddhas were showering flower petals on us, ushering us to their kingdom in the wilderness. We never lost our way, although Tavayogi told me it had been some 10 years since he had been to certain spots.

Rather than have me sit with him and listen to his talks, lectures or theory, he preferred to get me soiled and wet, showing me the practical way that the Siddhas had pursued before. If it was the theory that he had revealed, I would have forgotten them through the years but since he walked with me the practical path, I am able to recall and share the experiences even after many years.

Although they have yet to bring us to the other world or their plane, there had been numerous occasions where the divine has crossed the borders and stepped into ours. On arrival at the famed Tiruvanaikaval temple grounds, I hastened my strides, taking large steps, walking ahead of Jnana Jhotiamma and my family, in a similar frenzy that Tavayogi had when he took me places. Looking for Lord Dhakshanamurthy's sannadhi that had churned the ocean in me making me weep for hours during my first visit some 10 years earlier, finally when I located him, the gates to the dam burst again and I found myself on the ground wailing aloud and kicking my legs. I could feel Jnana Jhotiamma caressing my soles and comforting me as a mother would. Finally when I came out of that state and took a seat at the spot, she told me to give some tips to the priest in attendance. Only then did I realize that there was a young, fair and handsome priest waiting on us at the sannadhi. I took out some Indian currencies from my wallet and walked up to him to place them on the tray that he held in his hands. That is when he whispered, "Did you see?" Immediately my vision went to that of Lord Dhakshanamurthy and back to him. At that split second, I saw Lord Muruga in the priest. He had wrapped a green towel around his waist and stood in the pose of his that we are all too familiar with. I dropped to the ground crying out aloud "Muruga" and began to weep torrentially again. Soon I picked myself up and we all began to move away. The priest was nowhere in sight.

What surprised me was that Lord Muruga chose to give his darshan not at any of his many abodes I have visited but at the abode of Lord Siva at Tiruvanaikkaval, not even at his sannadhi there but specifically at Lord Dhakshanamurthy's sannadhi. This reminds me of the time when he came to Kallar ashram as a youngster in shirt and pants, lamenting about the utter nonsense and state of affairs at several of the Murugan temples that he had been to, uttering things that made no sense amidst talk about these temples. This made Tavayogi sit up straight and take notice of the kid. Once Tavayogi realized that it was Lord Murugan who had come to his ashram, the kid gestured him, Mataji and my brother's family who were visiting into the inner sanctum of the old Kallar Ashram and blessed them by applying the sacred ash before leaving the way he came.

We have learned from experience and our mistakes. We have rectified our approach and the means. Our experience became knowledge to others. Just as the findings and the discoveries of the scientists have created a great impact on our thinking and lifestyles so have the Siddhas dwelt in the study of the body, soul, and spirit, linking it with its source and its creator, have laid out very simple means and ways to attain the state of Erai. What they wish is for us to follow in their footsteps. Not that they want us to leave the family, the community or the society to turn towards a life of solitude but live with the society and take on their teachings.

If earlier we at ATM immediately ask those who brought up their problems to us to see the Nadi, today taking things a little further from what we were taught by Tavayogi, rather than recommend seekers to a Nadi reading on the onset, we send them to do charity. We get them to find out about Agathiyar, the Siddhas and their Nadi first. Only then can they appreciate what is been said in the Nadi. Only then will they understand that a holy man or Muni was addressing them through the Nadi. Otherwise, they end up thinking the reader was cooking up stories, fabricating them from the pieces of information he has gathered from questioning us. They only would see the Siddhas as an astrologer, soothsayer or shaman dishing out remedies, good luck charms, mantras, and yantras, etc.

I do not know where I stand on the rung of the spiritual ladder but I have been started on a journey initiated by Agathiyar that I know nothing about. I just take the lead shown from time to time either through the external forms of communication by the Siddhas like the Nadi and through the spoken word or the unspoken word that guides from within. Along the way they give us assurances that all is well, that we have not erred or deviated. They tell us that it is not a hallucination or something of our doing but all theirs. Their constant guidance keeps the mill spinning, energizing us, boosting us and motivating us to keep walking. 

Agathiyar gives assurances that we are on the right track when we see the many compilations of Siddhas hymns and songs that we gathered and used in our home prayers have been adopted in temples and the homes of Agathiyar devotees and where prayers are conducted for the Siddhas. Agathiyar gives us assurances that what is being written in these pages are true perspectives that are based on the experiences of a devotee of his, that Agathiyar personally oversees. As Ramalinga Adigal in his Arutpa says that the words spoken are not his but that of the divine, Agathiyar has time again assured me that these written words are only his and not to dwell in confusion as to whose thoughts they are.

I am humbled by the grace of Agathiyar in working through me and the rest at ATM, carrying out his dictates from time to time. As a devotee of Agathiyar shared a dream she had after Tavayogi passed away, where Tavayogi with several others clad in white, was seated in a boat that was oared by Lord Shiva himself, traveling across the waters towards the other bank where there was a hill and a hype of activities with Siddhas, Rishis, Munis and saints going about their daily chores, chanting, conducting prayers and rituals, lighting sacrificial fires etc, we too have boarded a vessel and taken a seat. The divine is tending to the oars and is doing the navigation. We are enjoying the view, taking in the air and are very much at peace. Thank you very much Agatheesa for all you have given us.

Aum Agatheesaya Namaha.