How could I have missed it? The signs were there. How could I have missed the teachings? It was so obvious. How could I have missed the teachings of Agathiyar and Tavayogi? From day one both of them had made me drop everything but being the idiot that I am I could not see through their teachings.
When I met Tavayogi in Malaysia in 2005 he asked me to frequent the local peedham of his in Malaysia that he had come to officiate as I told him Agathiyar had asked me to come to the worship of the Siddhas in 2002 through a Nadi reading. I did as told. As Tavayogi was to leave for India, Agathiyar in my second Nadi reading days before his departure asked me to frequent the local peedham too. As Agathiyar told me to get another initiation from Tavayogi the same night and I did as told, the Nadi reading was mysteriously erased. There was no mention of the local peedham in a rereading. Agathiyar made me drop the hold on peedhams, movements, societies etc. I never went back to the peedham after he channeled me to Tavayogi's Kallar Ashram. Agathiyar made me drop frequenting a peedham even before I could get attached to it. Agathiyar had me visit and stay in Tavayogi's ashram for some days instead.
When Tavayogi agreed to visit my home I was elated and on cloud nine at having a turavi step into my home for the very first time. But he dashed my happiness and joy telling me bluntly in my face that I was caught in Maya and that he was a nobody and that I should hold on to the feet of Agathiyar instead. Though his words were painful and hurt a lot he had me drop my hold on him that day. I held to Agathiyar alone. But I am grateful he said that. Otherwise, I would be holding to him and worshipping him instead of Agathiyar.
When I was at his ashram he made me drop my attachment to the gems that I wore on me telling me "We do not need these, my son." I had challenged the proprietor of a gem store when he chased me away from his shop telling me "You cannot afford these, go away!" I was just a lad browsing through his collection out of curiousity back then. When I met Supramania Swami in later years he told me to wear it as it shall do some good. He had helped me fulfill my desire to wear one. But Tavayogi had me drop that too. Similarly I came along to fulfil Supramania Swami's 40 year old wish to build a temple. But as we laid the ground work a stranger turned up at his kudil and asked him why he was going back to bakthi as he was a gnani? Swami dropped the desire that day.
When Agathiyar asked that I build a temple for him in my first Nadi reading, I did search for a suitable place to place Agathiyar's murthy in existing temples. But I was turned down by the temple committees. He made me drop the idea for good by giving me these disappointments. Later when Lord Murugan brought up the subject in 2018 I was not keen anymore. As I did not move he had Agathiyar come and convince me. But as I remained silent, Agathiyar said he would get it done in 18 months time. When the time came he told me that they had tested me. The idea was dropped for good.
Even as I engaged in my bachelor days in vigorous worship of the deities and much reading, Lord Shiva had me drop everything. As he set me on track again this time taking the reigns of the Siddha path in 2002, Agathiyar sent many seekers to my home AVM to learn the worship of the Siddhas beginning 2013. We engaged in Aram and Tavam. But he had us drop everything in September of 2019.
As I looked back on the past two years as a wasted period as there was nothing achieved staying behind closed doors as directed by him and partly as a result of the numerous lockdowns, Agathiyar told me it was not wasted. Not able to comprehend how he said it was not wasted, Mahin brought me the realization that I had dropped everything in the past two years. Indeed the Aram and Tavam were brought to a close and I dropped the attachment to the group too. Going back beyond the past two years I had dropped several other offers too. I turned down the gift of receiving the Nadi that I could use for myself and others who sought advice. I had asked to drop the gift of healing others too. Now I realize why I had unknowingly turned them down. All these would bring me to stagnate there.
I then realized his play right from the start that I missed understanding. If I had thought that the spiritual path too was alike the material world where we accumulate titles, possessions, followers and fans, etc, Agathiyar and Tavayogi who had all the while been teaching me to drop things, made me realize that it was not about accumulating things but to drop everything. How wonderful. I feel free and light.