The sensation in the crown of the head is there as I pen these words. It travels and consumes my whole body bringing shivers of joy and bliss. These I experience as I walk in the open park in the mornings and evenings. This I experience when I step out of my home and stand in my garden. This I experience when I open the windows and look out. This I experience when I have a shower. This I experience when I have food.
During my evening walk a couple of days ago my second daughter who spends her time after office hours gardening decided to join me. I introduced her to my walking companions. This morning I did stop to ask one of these seniors his age. He was a Chinese man. He told me that he was 90. I was thrilled to see him still walking the grounds. It gave me joy to see him mobile and independent. He blessed me that I shall live till this age too. He was the second person to say so after another senior citizen, a Malay man in his 80s, whom I met during my routine medical checkup some time back said the same.
When later in the evening Mahindren dropped by my house after work, we shared some stories as usual. I told him that all those whom I knew once had been kept at bay, for none called on me. Neither did they give me a call. I realized that after Agathiyar brought the shutters down on AVM and all our puja and charity; after having me go within; after he activated the energies; and in having me do nothing further, he has kept everyone at bay. I am left all "alone" which is blissful. Though I am all "alone" I am very much connected with everyone and everything around me now. I am a hermit who is very much in touch with others, for a casual greeting and a smile bring waves of love and joy in me these days. Bliss and joy instantaneously run through me. Gone are the days when puja brought immense joy and bliss within me. Gone are the days when we gathered at AVM and recalled and talked for hours about the many joyful moments that we as friends and the AVM family had gone through. Though these moments brought on much joy and bliss, I believe he is making me drop my dependency on joy and bliss from the outside as in Puja and Satsangs and instead has me tap into these states that I have come to believe are very much in us. We need not look towards external means, sources, instruments, or catalysts to trigger joy and bliss in us. It is very much in us. We are an embodiment of joy and bliss. So all those who I once knew have been distanced by him, giving me space and the moments to engage with this joy and bliss from within. I understand now what Agathiyar and Lord Muruga meant by telling me that there was nothing more to do and be still.