I have come to realize that I am being pushed into stepping into the shoes of my gurus, Supramania Swami and Tavayogi. If I were minding my business, Agathiyar sent many strangers knocking on my door in the past. This I saw happening during the few days I spent with both my gurus. They would listen patiently, and if Supramania Swami pleased them by giving amulets, etc., and advice, Tavayogi would ask them to worship the Siddhas and see their Vinai or troubles clear. Similarly, a conversation begins with these strangers with small talk and leads to a can of worms. As at the beginning, we tend to become concerned and start giving advice, but it backfired, I asked Tavayogi why all this was happening. He, as usual, replying with a question, asked me why I had to be involved and instead asked me to send them to Agathiyar. Then one day, standing before Agathiyar in my prayer room, Agathiyar asked me where I would go if he were to shut his ears? I realized that he wants me to listen to others. And so, even when I go for my morning and evening walks in my neighborhood these days, people stop to share their problems. Then many are concerned with the sad state of matters, regarding the nation and people, and would go on and on for hours lamenting about it. When I was working back then at the HQ, in 1988, a group would gather each morning at a stall opposite my office, open up the daily paper, and review the happenings not in a constructive manner but in condemnation of others and the way they handled matters. I would finish my breakfast and move away, unable to take on the negativity that builds. When I was posted to a project on the outskirts of the city, and came back after 5 years to my HQ, the group was still at it, having recruited new faces now. It was the same talk going on after all these years. I walked up to them and asked if they hadn't changed in all these years. I told them that if it mattered to them so much, then they should set their sights and work towards becoming a member of Parliament to bring these changes, rather than hold this coffee shop talk that brings us nowhere.
Whenever he sends someone over or when I meet someone, I always question myself, what I learned from the meeting, and what the other party learned too. There was always a lesson for me, even if I wondered whether the others understood.
And so Agathiyar played his Lila again last evening. A friend from the former office called me to converse, and it led from one thing to another to the sad state of the community and the nation again. He had previously spoken about this in our face-to-face meetings. As Agathiyar had told me to listen, I did just that then and now. But it was going on for a long time, turning into a monologue, the negativity surfaced, and the conversation became toxic, penetrating the cocoon that I had built around me with happy thoughts and gratitude. I could not stomach it. As I was at home then and Agathiyar was with me as the bronze statue, I walked into his room and placed the phone to his ear. Since he asked me to listen, I told him now you listen. Maybe this is what we are doing as a ritualistic practice in whispering into the ears of Nandhi, the bull that sits before Lord Siva in his temples. In sharing our problems with Nandhi, we hope he will find a moment to deliver them to Lord Siva to look into, as it is said that Nandhi listens on Lord Siva and Parvathi's conversation. If there have been many moments when Agathiyar comes within and it was pretty much blissful, this was not one of those moments. I guess he, too, must have lost his cool after some time, for I could feel an energy come within me that began to cause an ache in my body. He seemed to have passed him a message through me, which I was pretty aware of. He uttered the exact thing that Bhagawan Ramana told Sadhu Om on their first meeting: to do what he came for.
We read from http://sadhuom.net/, http://www.arunachalasamudra.org, https://realization.org/, and "Arunachala Ramana", that Sadhu Om went in search of a genuine Guru after first reading about Ramana in Suddhananda Bharati’s book "Sri Ramana Vijayam". He went with Janaki Mata to meet Sri Bhagavan. Finding his seat empty, Sadhu Om left. Returning a couple of weeks later, he found Bhagawan having his breakfast in the Ashram dining hall.
He entered the dining hall and, seeing that Sri Bhagavan was eating there, he sat in front of Sri Bhagavan and started eating. When Sri Bhagavan finished his breakfast, he got up from the seat. Seeing this, Sadhu Om also got up, although he had not finished eating. Sri Bhagavan looked at Sadhu Om and said, Vandha Velaiyaip Paar (Look after the business for which you have come). Sadhu Om then sat down, but since he had gotten up while eating, he was reluctant to continue eating. Sri Bhagavan, after washing his hands, was walking alongside the dining hall. Seeing that Sadhu Om was reluctant to eat, he repeated the words, Vandha Velaiyaip Paar. Hearing these words, Sadhu Om started eating again. As Sri Bhagavan went near the entrance and was about to pass over the threshold, Sadhu Om turned back and looked at Sri Bhagavan. Sri Bhagavan also looked at Sadhu Om and uttered the same words, Vandha Velaiyaip Paar, for the third time in succession.
Just as Bhagawan had told Sadhu Om, giving an upadesa, to look after the business for which he was born in this world, similarly, through the telephone conversation where Agathiyar, asking my friend to Look after the business for which you have come, I learned that he was asking us to stop looking outside and look within towards seeking the Soul or Atma within. This is what we came for. Everything else was Maya at its work. If we were to engage in it, we would be caught in an neverending cycle of activity. We shall never find time to set our sights and go within. I guess this is the reason after having me study and build a career, marry and build a family, having me worship the Siddhas and carry out charity, finally, bringing the shutters down on all these activities, he had me stay in solitude and go within so that I could come to know my Atma too. In speaking to Mahin, he tells me that it is only when we have lived out our lives to the maximum that we shall begin to search within, bringing us to Osho's teachings. Osho asks us to exhaust all our desires and then go within. In having his followers carry out methods, he finally has them sit still. If we tend to look for our purpose in coming, thinking it was some kind of work or task or goal that needed to be done, or achieved, Agathiyar made me realize that the true search and our true purpose in coming was to know our Self. This was what Bhagawan Ramana had given as an Upadesa to Sadhu Om, too.