If Andy Williams begins the theme song from the movie "Love Story" with
Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me
Where do I start
so too I ask myself where shall I start to tell the story of my love for Agathiyar?
Though he tells me that we have known each other in many previous lives, sadly I do not remember any. If only he would bring me to these places and have me recall my past births and our relationship then as Mahavatar Babaji showed Lahari Mahasaya. But he did mention them in my Nadi reading. In fact, my present family members were with me in a past birth at Papanasam. My wife and I were trading fruits. My daughter would place a fruit at Agathiyar's feet at this temple. So we are not strangers it seems. In this birth, knocking on my door, he came for me when I was 43 years of age through my very first Nadi reading. He had me knock on the door of Supramania Swami on the pretext of charting my daughter's horoscope and had me discover my first guru in a village some eight kilometers away from the town of Tiruvannamalai. Here too was a bond linked to a previous life and I had to serve Supramania Swami for the short time I knew him before his samadhi in 2007. Passing me a leaflet earlier in 2002 that would have me knock on the door of Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram when he visited Malaysia in 2005, Agathiyar brought us together. Tavayogi on the other hand instead of taking the limelight showed me to Agathiyar, starting a period of courtship of some eighteen years, that has ended in matrimony today.
The love affair goes on each day. We have become inseparable. His love for me overshadows mine. The only difference between our loves is that his love is all-compassing and without conditions, while mine is limited and comes with conditions. I do most of the fighting and tend to throw tantrums like a child most of the time. He on the other hand is very patient and bears all the stomping around that this spoilt kid does. He is a father, mother, guru, friend, wife, and lover. After a 21-year relationship and living in with me now, he tells me he wants to move out and live with Mahindren and his family. I was not saddened but overjoyed that he was now going to fill another devotee's heart and home with his love.
With her first hello
She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine
There'd never be another love, another time
She came into my life and made the living fine
She fills my heart
She fills my heart with very special things
With angels' songs, with wild imaginings
She fills my soul with so much love
That anywhere I go I'm never lonely
With her around, who could be lonely
I reach for her hand, it's always there
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now but this much I can say
I know I'll need her 'til the stars all burn away
And she'll be there
His love was so great that he forgives us for all our stupidity, ignorance, and arrogance. Indeed Agathiyar assured and comforted me that though he was going to move house he would be there for me.
Then a senior devotee tells me not to take his word seriously for he might decide to stay put pointing me to the moment when he decided to stay put in my home instead of leaving for the Raghavendra Mrithiga Brindavanam in Ipoh as originally planned in 2010.
I guess if my heart melted and I teared for him as Engelbert Humperdinck does in the song "A Man Without Love" he might remain at AVM.
I can remember when we walked together
Sharing a love I thought would last forever
Moonlight to show the way so we can follow
Waiting inside her eyes was my tomorrow
Then something changed her mind, her kisses told me
I had no lovin' arms to hold me
Every day I wake up, then I start to break up
Lonely is a man without love
Every day I start out, then I cry my heart out
Lonely is a man without love
Every day I wake up, then I start to break up
Knowing that it's cloudy above
Every day I start out, then I cry my heart out
Lonely is a man without love
I cannot face this world that's fallen down on me
So, if you see my girl, please send her home to me