Just as Andy Williams sings the lines, "That anywhere I go I'm never lonely, With her around, who could be lonely," in the song "Where Do I Begin", Agathiyar came a couple of days ago and said the same to me as I shared my loneliness on this journey with him.
Since the beginning I had kept to myself, minding my business, keeping with only the students from my town while schooling. It was in the upper secondary that I initiated and made myself President of the newly formed Indian Club at school. Soon I came to meet students from all over the country who took up an engineering course in college with me in 1977. Settling in a new job in 1980, I began to work with senior people and people from all walks of life. When I began my search to know Agathiyar after I was introduced to his Nadi in 2002, my circle of friends expanded to include those who followed Agathiyar too. Agathiyar send some thirty youths over to my home, which became AVM, in 2013 to watch me and my family conduct Siddha puja. When I took optional retirement in 2016, I guess I had made many acquaintances in my life by then. Then in 2019 in a timely manner, as the world was to go into a state of lockdown in numerous places, Agathiyar locked us in before that ending the puja and charity programs and drawing the shutters down at AVM. Again I kept to myself communicating with others only by phone and social media. After the lockdowns were lifted and we moved into the Endemic phase, Agathiyar in the form of the bronze statue at AVM visited several homes. Lately, after Lord Murugan conveyed Tavayogi's wish to see each home become AVM he was invited again. Except for these rare occasions of puja and the occasional visits by a handful of devotees of his, I spent my time alone again. Over the weekend as I felt extremely lonely and fear crept into me, I picked up his statue and placed him on the sofa and watched some short films and listened to some of my favorite songs.
Agathiyar came to comfort me a couple of days later. Agathiyar surprised me by inviting me to sit with him in meditation that day. As I knelt close before him, he held out his hands and held them. ஷண்முக வா. என்னோடு தியானம் செய்.
Then he spoke about moving to Mahindren's home again. When my wife asked him the reason he replied that rituals have to continue to his statue. Since he had halted all forms of worship at AVM and since my wife and I had to move on he would not be able to lead us there if we continued doing these rituals.
விக்கிரஹம் என்று இருந்தால் அதற்கான பூஜைகள் செய்யவேண்டும்
இங்கு நீங்கள் பூஜைகள் தொடர்ந்து செய்து கொண்டே இருந்தால்
உங்கள் இலக்குக்கு நான் இட்டு செல்ல முடியாது
When he came some time back I had asked him what I was to do since he had brought a stop to all things. He replied, "Do Nothing!" pointing out to me that Tavayogi too did nothing. The energies inherent in us and activated by the years of puja to the Siddhas will do their work. He complimented us for our devotion all these years and then asked how it felt to be doing nothing. சும்மா இருக்கும் சுகத்தை அனுபவிக்கின்றாயா?
When I told him about the sudden fear that arises in these moments of solitude, he surprised me by listing the reasons to drop my unknown fear.
You kept me by your side.
என்னை அருகில் அமரவைத்தாய்
Why worry when you speak my name the whole day long?
நாள் தோறும் என் நாமம் சொல்லி கொண்டு இருக்கும் போது என்ன கவலை?
Why the loneliness when my daughter (my wife) is with you?
என் மகள் உன்னோடு இருக்கும் போது என்ன தனிமை?
Why the loneliness when the Prapanjam is with you?
பிரபஞ்சமே உன்னோடு இருக்கும் போது என்ன தனிமை?
Why do you fear loneliness?
நீ ஏன் தனிமையை கண்டு பயப்படுகின்றாய்?
That is the love of our father who comes to us to assure us that all is well and he is with us.
With her first hello,
She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine,
There'd never be another love, another time,
She came into my life and made the living fine,
She fills my heart,
She fills my heart with very special things,
With angels' songs, with wild imaginings,
She fills my soul with so much love,
That anywhere I go I'm never lonely,
With her around, who could be lonely,
I reach for her hand, it's always there