EXPERIENCE AS A TEACHER

I came to the Siddha path after reading the Nadi. The first time I heard about the Nadi was from astrologer, Siddha Medicine practitioner and friend Dr Krishnan in 1996. I  only managed to have my very first reading in 2002 after a colleague spoke about it and arranged an appointment for me. Agathiyar asked me to worship the Siddhas too besides the other deities. He then introduced me to Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram who was on the Siddha path too. Tavayogi recommended me to a Nadi reader after I told him it was time I saw the Nadi again as requested by Agathiyar. I was groomed by both Tavayogi and Agathiyar. Agathiyar and the other Siddhas guided me through the Nadi further, calling me over to the Nadi readers place if they had something to share. I have had some 56 Nadi readings to date. Along the way, Agathiyar sends many to my home after they too had had a Nadi reading. We began to share our Nadi experiences and were only too eager to recommend to others who came along with problems to have a Nadi reading. Although many benefited from these readings some returned disappointed at not having received what they wanted to hear. 

As my interest in the Nadi increased, I began to look for books, materials, and articles related to it and that could give us an inkling and idea and maybe fathom this great mystery of predicting the past, present and future. The online forums debated the authenticity of the Nadi and many accused the Nadi and the readers as a deception and as frauds respectively.

Then Tavayogi too began to read a Jeeva Nadi at his ashram. When he and Mataji visited us in 2016 we at AVM had an opportunity to read the Nadi too. But as others learnt about the Nadi and word spread, many non-devotees came and stood at the door asking for a reading. Some pushed their way into others time and space, inconsiderate of many who were already in waiting. Some sent their secretaries as a proxy. One asked the Mahamuni to predict the results of a lottery draw! Tavayogi was devastated on hearing this.

We began to realize that people who were not into the worship of the Siddhas only saw the Siddhas as astrologers. They never understood that a Muni was addressing them and revealing their life account. Many who were not satisfied or not ready for the revelation passed it off as a gimmick and scam. Many who realized that they had to spend huge amounts of money and time to carry out the stated remedies to offset their karma, lost faith in the words of the Siddhas.

Soon we decided to stop recommending the Nadi to others. We only point them to a Nadi reader if they were already into the worship of the Siddhas. For those who came with problems these days, we ask that they carry out charity, learn about the Siddhas first and pray and worship them first before embarking on a Nadi reading. This way when they go for a reading they would know and understand the magnificence and strength of the Siddha.

Tavayogi who pointed me to a Nadi reader and after I engaged myself to the worship of the Siddhas for years, told me that I do not need any Nadi reading. He said the same to others at AVM. When the regular Nadi readings of mine at times weekly, began to become sparse and only a couple of readings in a year and then came to a halt, I was asking myself if I had wronged the Mahamuni in my words or actions and if he had refrained and stayed away from providing a reading. Then he calls me up telling me what Tavayogi had told me, "Why do you want a reading my son!" Just as Agathiyar and Tavayogi mentioned Agathiyar clears the air and provides the answers from within, without the need or dependence on the Nadi these days. But Agathiyar addresses the medical issues that my family and I confront immediately when asked for in the Nadi and advises accordingly, even without the need to be present personally. We are indebted and grateful to him.

Tavayogi who saw me wear a Navartna embedded ring on my finger or the nine studded gems told me, "We do not need them." When I told him that I had a Rasamani or solidified mercury ball on me too, he told me, "We do not need them." When someone showed him a Rudraksha seed and asked if he could wear it, Tavayogi gave him the green light with several words of caution in wearing it. After the devotee left, he turned to me and told me, "We do not need them." But one might wonder why he was wearing one around his neck? I did not question further but follow his dictates to the word. I believe the guru has a reason for what he advises his disciple.

We want talisman and magic portions and instant formulas that bring immediate spiritual upliftment without wanting to go through the run of the mill and the tedious and repetitive procedures outlined. We want the Siddha to point his magic wand and bring an immediate relieve or change. But it does not work that way. The Siddha only shows us the way, means and technique. We need to put in the hours and the efforts.

I realise that we have to outgrow and lose our dependency on external means and materials as we progress both in the material world and the spiritual path. Just as the child outgrows his toys that brought him much joy, and that he held on to, screaming his head off and throwing a tantrum if taken away, we too have to let go of our dependency on the Nadi and begin speaking to the Siddhas without a medium. Just as an elder is needed to help a child take its first step in life, we need a guru to show us the path and the means. Soon we should be prepared to walk on our own discovering things anew rather than take the trodden path. Experience builds strength and teaches us to take even greater strides. Let us walk the way of the Siddha carrying Agathiyar in our heart rather than being dependent on external accessories, mediums, tools, messengers and gurus. Let the "Silent One" or Mauna Guru within each of us awake and guide us henceforth, for we are established pretty well on the path of the Siddhas now. This is not Ego speaking but understanding the fact and reality of the journey.

WE HAVE ARRIVED

Does having problems bring one to the Siddha path? Does the Siddha path equate to broken homes? Does the Siddha path confuse one? Does worship to the Siddhas equate to worshipping people? Does praying to Siddhas equate with praying to the dead? 

I have heard all these accusations and references being made to the Siddha path and posed to Tavayogi and me. Although I pondered over these questions thinking if it was possible and all true, I never believed that the Siddhas would jeopardize our lives. I took on the worship of the Siddhas irrespective of all the negative views held by many at that time. I took up the worship of the Siddhas because Agathiyar asked me to do it through the Nadi reading. He sent me Tavayogi to show me further the rituals involved and to show me the greatness of the Siddhas. Agathiyar himself performed numerous miracles to show his presence, that which I have written and shared extensively in this blog.

I did not come to the Siddha path seeking the Siddhas because I had problems. I did not go seeking a guru to lead me on. I did not seek to know the rituals and procedures involved. It was all given, sent and gifted to me by Agathiyar.

Adopting all that was shown and learning from experience and with all the subtle lessons gained from these experience, Agathiyar moulded us not into saints or Siddhas but into a better person. With prayers and charity as two vehicles to balance the scale of karma, he walked with us, protecting us from harm's way.

Many transformations took place within us creating the ideal conditions for him to come and settle within too.

Today We have arrived home. I realized this a couple of days back as both Mahin and Malar had bath and dressed the bronze statue of Agathiyar and we began to sing his praises. What would normally be a string of songs stopped at just one song. I could not go further. We stopped singing. We remained quiet. We went within almost immediately without effort. I felt that we had arrived at our destination. At that instance, I remembered Tavayogi's words - the words he penned in his book when I asked him to autograph his book "Andamum Pindamum" - Aandavan Uraikindra Edam Thangal Ullam, Athuve Payanathin Thodakkamum, Mudivum.

The search has stopped. We have come one full cycle. The search started from within and had now come to an end having settled within again. Ram Dass in "Going Home", says "When I don't know who I am, I serve you. When I know who I am, I am you", bringing us back to the starting point.

The following koan too represents this state.

During the Tang Dynasty, the Chinese Ch’an [Zen in Japanese] master Qingyuan Weixin famously wrote: “Before I had studied Ch’an for thirty years, I saw mountains as mountains, and rivers as rivers. When I arrived at a more intimate knowledge, I came to the point where I saw that mountains are not mountains, and rivers are not rivers. But now that I have got its very substance, I am at rest. For it’s just that I see mountains once again as mountains, and rivers once again as rivers.” First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is. (Source: https://tricycle.org/magazine/first-there-mountain-then-there-no-mountain/)

The Siddhas practically turned around my life 360 degrees and literally lifted and flipped me and threw me into a pit in their dark cave of wonders. There were many a moment they moved my soul and body whence I dance, manipulated and twisted my body and broke into great laughter, all done without my doing, all beyond my control. They worked on my body to rid it off the toxins that had built up over the years, that hinder the smooth transition of the physical body into other states deemed fit. They began working on the chakras clearing the blockages that hinder the energy flow to higher regions. They worked on the breath. All these caused pain and discomfort no doubt. But the body needed to be prepared for their arrival. The body needed to be prepared to do their task. But they never even for a moment let go of their guards and constantly cared for my safety. How can I possibly repay them?

IN THE MOMENTS OF SILENCE 1

Whenever I sit alone with Agathiyar, all the days' happenings and the many events that take place come to mind. I do not attempt to stop nor control them but let them go by. All my plans are made in his presence. The subject matter and the contents, till the very phrases and words, posted on this blog are born out of sitting in silence with him. As I question him a lot over his administration of the world and all other matters, including moving us like puppets, these questions come to my mind at these moments of contemplation and silence, for this is the only time I can capture his attention and hopefully get an answer or two. I want answers to these queries of mine. I have stopped seeking these answers outside. I want him to answer them. Sometimes the answers dawn on me as soon as the questions come to mind. Often there is no answer from his side. Only further silence. It does not matter. I shall keep asking for I know he will answer me even if it comes a couple of years later. But the answer has to be from him. Only that will satisfy me. I have lost faith in godmen and supposedly divine and saintly men. All the best concepts, doctrines and practices held and taught by them has failed them, not able to deliver them from the clutches of Yama or death. If they cannot save themselves how are they going to save us? And we are still flocking to them in hundreds. Hence my searched stopped many years back. I had two wonderful personal gurus in the physical form and Agathiyar in the subtle form. I was pretty happy and contented.

Today I understand pretty well why Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar of Ongarakudil and Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram have pointed us to the Siddhas as the means of deliverance. It is only those who have attained the highest state achievable by a mortal on the physical plane; who can tell us what is beyond the wall and beyond the veil; who can narrate to us what they saw and experienced; can show us the way to reach or achieve that place and state.

The Siddhas had been there. Their experiences that they had written and documented through numerous songs of theirs are testimony to their greatest achievements in the spiritual arena. But the path, as many other paths too, has been adulterated over time. The essence and the way have been polluted and diluted to suit the needs of the present day seekers who want everything in a jiffy. There is a price for everything these days including spiritualism. If in days of yonder the price a student paid to learn the secret to enlightenment was his devotion both to Erai and a true guru, and his time in being patient and perseverance in walking the path of truth and honesty, and compassion and love, these days money seems to buy everything under the sky, escalating the process, to the extent making everyone an instant saint.

Tavayogi who was from the orthodox school of thought told me one had to remain faithful to the guru for some 12 years before he can expect any returns for his dedication and devotion, practice and faith. Many saints of the past too have mentioned distinctly about this time period in their lives where they had to endure great and radical changes in their physical bodies and undergo agony and pain just as the butterfly undergoes in transforming itself from being a pupa into a radiant and beautiful butterfly, emerging from its cocoon after a long period of struggle.

Knowing that we can be misled by others, Agathiyar has asked us to turn to the original content of their texts and writings without seeking for mediators or translations of their works. Even if we cannot comprehend their works, he tells us that the particular Siddha whose work we have taken in our hands will come through us to make us understand. It is only through the direct transmission of gnana or divine knowledge that we can receive and understand the true teachings of the Siddhas. 

This is only achievable if we begin to allocate some of our time in contemplating the divine. Sitting in the presence of your chosen deity, in the sacred ambience of your prayer room, you can easily fall into the state of calmness and peace. You need not travel far and wide scouting for the ideal spot to sit and connect with the divine. You create the most conducive and practical environment in our very home for a beginning. Soon your "self" will settle into its place on its own. Having been accustomed daily to the place and mood created, the self settles on its own nudging wonderfully into its domain - that of silence. In these hours of silence, the "self" speaks with the "higher self" whom we have given numerous names and forms.

What if Agathiyar were to speak in those private moments of intimacy and silence? What would he have to say? What would he share?

It was one of the quietest moments, a rare moment itself in the outskirts of the city. The hustle and bustle of traffic that flowed through the main road that cuts across the small housing scheme had died down. The dogs that barked the whole day long and that were supposed to keep watch in the night too had retired for the day together with their masters.

The continuous chirping of the birds in the day was momentarily substituted by the occasional outburst of the cricket, known as the night singer. The moon shone brightly in the sky, a scene missed by most of the city dwellers who had to turn in early to wake up early for another day of stressful work. The fireflies flew from one street lamp to the other and finally disappeared out of view. I too entered my prayer room to spend some precious time with my Guru Agathiyar.

As the silence became more intense blocking out entirely all the remaining noise of the neighbours' air conditioners, only the sound of my breath was obvious. Soon even that was no more obvious to my hearing. In that moment of deep silence, I felt Agathiyar's presence. I opened my eyes. His bronze statue shone in the dark of the room, lighted only by the oil lamp that kept burning 24/7. I closed my eyes again. I heard him sigh. I opened my eyes again. There was no visible movement whatsoever. I asked him in silence what was the matter. He remained quiet. Then he spoke. 

"I am disappointed with my children." I was taken aback. I listened on without interrupting. He continued. "They think of me only as an astrologer. They think of me only as a shaman. They think of me only as a mediator. They think about me only when in trouble. They come to me asking to settle their debts. They come running to me for a solution or cure at most times. At other times they do not care to remember me."

At this juncture, my mind raced back into time where I had heard a similar lament from both my previous gurus. Supramania Swami lamented that they never asked what he wanted but instead desired their needs to be fulfilled. Tavayogi lamented that they came for material gains and not gnana. 

Agathiyar continued. "I am their conscience. Why did not they listen to me speak through their conscience then? It is sad that they had buried me long ago. They act without conscience today."

"As they came to see all things external, so too have I had the need to build temples externally to bring them to face their conscience externally. They came before me and stood in prayer asking for guidance there. They left their problems at my feet and returned home relieved. They did little bits of charity at these places of worship then. But the practice or worship soon evolved into fear for me, instilled by those who took advantage of these poor souls. Instead of love and devotion in worship towards me they did things out of fear, lest they should earn the wrath of the Gods, they were told. The element of fear was instilled in them instead of love for their creator."

"Then there came a time they lost even that remaining fear. They stopped believing that I was the stone and the rock in the temple. They stopped patronizing my abodes. Soon there was no means of sustaining these temples just as there was no means to end their troubles. The priests who had a full-time job of taking care of me and my abode had no income. They had to seek other means of survival. The temples were deserted. Charity lost its grounds. True devotees were hard to come by. I had to move too as they say to greener pastures, into the homes and the hearts of my devotees who were yearning for me. I had been travelling a lot since, seeking the homes and hearts of my devotees."

"Soon man began seeking self-made godman for remedies. As a result, they found themselves loose hefty sums in finding remedies and solutions to their problems. I have sung about these in my Gnana Nool."

"Today I can only watch in sadness as man moves on with his life indifferent to my existence. I would sit in a corner and watch the world go by. Lobamitra would observe me from a distance not wanting to disturb my thoughts. Occasionally she would walk up to me and enquire about my silence and what was in my thoughts. I would share with her my observation. She would listen intently not saying a word. Finally, she would distract my thoughts pulling me away from falling deeper and further into the world of the mortals. I would then return to my tapas."

"I am in tapas in your home too. If the need arises to be in Kallar or Pothigai or Kailash I leave immediately. Otherwise, I prefer to be here in your humble dwelling."

And so saying the Mahamuni went back within into a state of silence.

I thanked him from the bottom of my heart with tears of joy running down both my cheeks. No audible words came out from my lips, except for the tears that kept flowing endlessly like the Ganges. A sense of coolness crept into me. It was as if I was drenched in bliss. Some energy traversed throughout me. It would have lifted me from the floor if I did not forcibly force myself to be grounded. A broad smile broke out on my face involuntarily which soon turned to a loud burst of laughter from within, that was beyond my control. Was this bliss I wondered, later?

We both remained silent for some time. He broke the silence again. 

"I have told my children about the importance of several practices through your writings. But it seems it does not register well with them. Except for a few who have started heeding your words, that are my words, the rest think it is of no immediate urgency. They think it can wait. Let me tell them that there is no moment more precious than the present; there is no life more precious than the present. It is now or never. If you do not do it this moment, the much-awaited moment never comes. You will never find another appropriate moment other than now. You have to create that moment. You are partnered in creation with me. Besides us, you too are given the gift of creation, sustenance, and that of wrecking and destroying. Sadly man is prone to postponing or delaying his own plans. But the divine plan takes place as scheduled. Death comes as scheduled. Do not postpone the rare appointment given to you to meet Me. You might never get another moment with Me."

"You understand very well and have made it known in your writings numerous times. I am available to my devotees through the good gestures you and your wife have done and the facilities built and made available around you. You have provided them with access to me in your home through the many years of your worship. I come because of you. I make myself present to all because of your worship. I want them to worship me just as you worshipped me all these years. I too want to move into their homes. I too want to move into their hearts. I want to be constantly with them 24/7. But they have to invite me in first. Only if they invite me with an open heart can I visit and settle in their homes and hearts."

Then he moved on to mention the infighting his devotees had amongst them that again caught me by surprise. I guess he was opening up to me just as I had all these years. Our moments of engagement in talk has stopped being a monologue as in the past; instead, it has evolved into a dialogue. He had literally spoken to me and we had a conversation a year and a half back. He spoke to the rest of his devotees too at his temple at Carey Island. That was amazing having the Mahamuni address us through a person, to our knowledge, for the very first time. He was apparently not happy with his children fighting among themselves. He wanted it all to end. He said he had summoned some of them. But only two of his dearest children turned up not because of fear but out of love for him. I felt sad too. I listened quietly. He went into a state of silence again something he does often only to come out of it to say what needed to he said, often returning to his domain. I knew he had moved on to attend to his numerous duties and other matters. 

The silence prolonged. I moved away from the room - his room, to let him be with his thoughts. 

Sitting with Agathiyar reminded me of the few but valuable days I sat at the feet of Supramania Swami and Tavayogi. Both my gurus taught me by example that both Guru and Erai are accessible to us without the need for mediators. The problem with us is we want to follow every guru on the face of the earth and follow every teaching available out there. Hence the confusion arises. I have sat with Tavayogi watching many devotees of Agathiyar who go on questioning him for hours, comparing what another guru had said and asked his opinion about it. They come to him so full of religious and spiritual knowledge and vomit them to him, in most possibly a show of their greatness at having read and heard so much. I used to think if they knew so much why are they there in the first place? What can they possibly gain that other gurus haven't given them?

Agathiyar says we need the experience immaterial if they were happy moments or sad moments. If we are to fall for frauds and conmen and are cheated, do not be angry over them for having cheated us or angry at oneself for falling prey to their tactics. Take it as a lesson to be learned or a past score that has been settled for good and move on. Ma tells us that life is to be experienced without holding on to grudges and guilt. One man's experience is another's lesson. 

BRINGING BACK LOVE

I used to stand outside my home at night and look at the stars and the moon. I always admired the moon and its luminance in the night sky. As a child I would lay my head on my mother's lap as the whole family would gather on the verandah of our home in Taiping, looking at the moon and talking about almost anything, while the radio would blast away. Not that we were at loss of hearing but that the volume control knob on our radio had broken. It was fine to have the radio blasting in the day but at night I would stuff a pillow on its face (the speaker) to quieten it down. Sadly nobody looks at the moon these days. We are glued either to cable television or the internet.

Marianne Williamson in the opening paragraph of her piece, "Only Light Can Cast Out Darkness", from the book "The Shadow Effect", HarperOne, 2010, brings back our attention to everyday things that are in fact amazing and beautiful but hardly noticed by us these days. 

"In a world so filled with tender magic - from sleeping infants to children playing, to lovers smiling, to friendship that last, to flowers blooming, to the violet hope of sunrise, to the fiery magnificence of sunset, to the brilliance of the body, to the fragile glories of nature, to the wonder of animals, to our capacity to forgive, to the mercy of God, to the kindness of strangers, and a list that could go on and on until its clear that there really is no end to the manifold expression of love on earth."

from sleeping infants... 

to children playing... 

to lovers smiling ...

to friendship that last...

to flowers blooming...

to the violet hope of sunrise....

to the fiery magnificence of sunset....

to the brilliance of the body...

to the fragile glories of nature....

to the wonder of animals....

How is it that we have missed all these? Why is our life bogged down with work, stress, anger, pain, suffering and misery? What has gone wrong? Both light and darkness coexist. When light shines darkness vanishes. When darkness takes the upper hand light goes into hiding. We have a choice to see and follow either the light or darkness. Let us chose to see the bright side of things. Let us speak about the good side of people. Let us delve in the present moment. Let us delve in positive thoughts and with positive action that shapes our future making it more brilliant. A child is the perfect example of cheer and joy for he or she has not been tainted by the by-products of man. Sooner or later he or she will lose his/ her innocence having taken in all the world's activities as a sponge would.

We need to make choices in our lives so that we do not fall victim to the actions of man that are detrimental to the upliftment of his soul. Just as we have shadow governments, we need to shadow or follow our senses. An extra eye for detail giving the job at hand our best, a forethought of the consequences of our speech, a choice to shut off disturbing talks, a conscience that ticks us off, etc works towards saving our day.

Marianne Williamson goes on to ask "Why if God is love, does evil exist?" She says we're living at a time when a contest between the good and evil is both intense and continues to intensify. Whatever it is that is bent on destroying humanity, has taken a collective force like never before she continues. There is an urgent need to dismantle this force that is intent on destroying us all. This force is dark. It survives in the absence of light. Bring in the light and it disappears. We yearn to come to a state as in a stage and yearn for a state as in a country where peace and paradise prevail respectively. As Marianne Williamson says of this state and place "It was our spiritual beginnings, a dimension of pure love whence we come and to which we passionately long to return", so do all our sacred texts and scriptures decipher.

We need to bring back a long lost component of life - love. She says a loss of love justifies anger, justifies blame, and justifies an attack. Bringing ourselves aligned to God brings back love into our heart and soul. We then receive love constantly and extend it outwards, hence living in the light always. Withholding love for another is, in fact, equal to being separated from God. Agathiyar too has asked his devotees to join ranks and to come together in peace, forgiving each other or he shall depart from their homes and their hearts, exactly what Marianne Williamson says. She also says that how we deal with human imperfections is what decides whether we dwell in light or darkness. Agathiyar too tells us to cultivate the act of being patient with people and develop sagippu tanmai. She says that "God does not look at a person who has made a mistake the same way we do."  This is a lovely message for me too. Agathiyar knew what I did in all the births. Yet he was prepared to forgive. He asked that I forgive myself too. Then he asked that I forgive others too. 

Betty J Eadie in her book "Embraced by the Light", Bantam Books 1994, one that she wrote after having a near death experience writes,

"I saw my sins and shortcomings as tools to learning. Although the sin is blotted out the educational part of the experience remains." These were the exact words Agathiyar used too. He said all that had taken place was his doing too and that I needed the experience.

Betty writes that "The forgiven sin helps me to grow and increases my ability to help others."

She repeats what Agathiyar said, "If I am unable to forgive myself, it is impossible for me to truly forgive others."

His love is in us, we only needed to let it shine.

Agathiyar renewed my ticket. I boarded his train. Soon he picked up my family too. Bala Chandran followed and with him came a cabin full of devotees of Agathiyar. The ATM family is growing.

Looking at the worlds saints we tend to accept this as it is not much about discourses or teachings but the show of love. Tirumular says Love evolves into Sivam.

அன்பு சிவம் இரண்டு என்பர் அறிவிலார்

அன்பே சிவமாவது ஆரும் அறிகிலார்

அன்பே சிவமாவது ஆரும் அறிந்தபின்

அன்பே சிவமாய் அமர்ந்திருந் தாரே.

 to the kindness of strangers...

Marianne Williamson says we are a tool placed on the face of this earth to help transform it through our higher thought forms, lifting the frequency of the planet. The great saints of days gone by have all regarded the human birth as rare and that which can be transformed into the essence of Erai. Besides bringing transformation in us, we can also transform the earth either into paradise or into a dungeon. The choice is in our hands.