GIVING BACK

 

When Tavayogi was in Malaysia for the very last time in 2016 before he passed away in 2018, he expressed his gratitude to me for making him a household name bringing him to the attention of many seekers around the world through this blog and my YouTube channel. I did it without any expectation. I did not seek his attention or favoritism. In fact, when he expressed this at a gathering that we called "An Evening with Tavayogi" where we had all the Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) family members gathered around, he took me by surprise. What else could I give in return for his time and attention on this miserable soul but to speak about him and extol his greatness. Supramania Swami too surprised me by asking me to do Tavam telling me that only then shall his stature rise. How can my doing Tavam help him? It looks like we are all connected, even with the lineage of gurus. It works both ways. We help each other. 

I only saw it right to expand the circle of people who knew Tavayogi and Supramania Swami as a show of my gratefulness to them for all that they showered on me and my family. I remember Tavayogi asking me to speak about the Siddhas when I drove him to Banting for the opening of a Peedham or affiliate branch of his Kallar Ashram back then. I was dumbfounded as I was pretty new to the path and knew nothing about them. My cunning mind looked for an escape route. I spoke a few words about Tavayogi whom I physically knew and deviated to singing the Arutperunjothi mantra where all those gathered followed suit. But I eventually began to speak about Agathiyar in later days out of love for him and shared how he started making magic and miracles in our lives and eventually gained ground in our hearts to the extent he tells me that we are one. Now there is no moment when I do not speak about him or he is not in my thoughts. We have indeed merged together. I am grateful to my gurus for linking me with the Siddhas and this bond.

NOTES FROM THE BUDDHA

When Agathiyar cut me off from the mainstream worship and had me go solo, telling me that the path was now narrow and only one could walk at a time, though it did not make much sense back then, it is pretty obvious now that spiritualism was not like the academies and higher institutions that produce graduates in large numbers. It is a solo journey of self-discovery. I understand now why Tavayogi did not preach the way but let us discover it for ourselves. He did not have us confined to codes, rules, do's, and do not's. We were given the freedom to explore. In fact, he once told me that the soul cannot be caged. It must be set free to explore. Adopting this fact, we shall accept that we should not interfere with the divine work and its play unless called for. Hence we see saints adopt a stand of noninterference, keep to themselves, and accept all that comes their way and also those happening around them. It all is for a purpose as Sadhu Om often expresses in his songs. We are told in the documentary depicting the journey of discovery that the Buddha took, "Discovery of the Lands of Buddha" that "Life is not a problem to be resolved but a Reality to be experienced."

Just as Marie Dubois traveled the path taken by the Buddha, Tavayogi took me to the places and abodes where he and the Siddhas had dwelled in the past. It was truly a privilege walking with the guru and having the Siddhas usher us as he pointed out to me. It was truly a privilege to learn about his experiences much of which has been shared in these pages. 

We learn from this documentary that "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one that gets burned." Indeed Agathiyar spent an hour in the past speaking about anger management in my Nadi reading. He told me that all the merits gained through my austerities or Tavam would be ruined by anger. Ramalinga Adigal says that the very cells in us shall boil in the heat of our anger. 

A fellow seeker came to me asking why the mantra he was given in his Nadi differed from what was given to me by Agathiyar. Another fellow seeker came to me asking if she should carry out a remedy given by a spiritual head. Both never got to do it for they were doubting them. Another fellow student who learned Yoga from Tavayogi too was asked to re-learn it from me in his Nadi reading for he had left practicing it thinking it was just another of many ordinary practices. Agathiyar told me that it was a heritage that Tavayogi had passed on to us. Even today whenever he comes he asks devotees if they are doing these Asanas and Pranayama. Asking those gathered to look around and see for themselves how the grey hairs on my head were turning black again, Agathiyar asked what further magic he needed to do. The magic took place from within. Having faith in him and traveling the path for the past 22 years is showing off its results. He wants me and my wife to get married again. Now why would he want us to do that? As Indian couples who have stayed together long enough reenact their wedding ceremony when the male attains the age of 60, I guess he wants us to do the same. He has asked us to gather family and friends on Guru Purnima day which falls on Sunday, 21 July 2024. 

Although when we seek a second opinion or ask around if something should be done after receiving instructions from a spiritual leader, it only shows a lack of faith in his words, Buddha says "Doubt everything, even what I will tell you. Find your own Light." Tavayogi too had told us not to accept the words of the Siddhas at face value but to ponder its inner meanings and know for ourselves. A master does not do the magic. It is us. In giving us an initiation, giving us a practice, or showing us a solution, he initiates us on a new journey, That is all he does. We have to diligently work on the mantra or practice or carry out the solution and begin to walk the path. We create the magic or rather the magic unfolds once we get started working on it. 

All the questioning initially is to remove our doubts and build up our faith. It should end there. We should be at peace with our state of belief and thoughts. We should not carry on with this mode of questioning forever. Just as Jason Gregory says of Bhagawan Ramana's teachings on inquiry, it is only to ignite the fire in us and not to be pursued lifelong. We need to progress further and advance into other stages or levels awaiting us. 

"When people used to go and sit with Bhagawan Ramana Maharshi, they would ask him how do we attain the silence and the splendor that you have embodied? How do we abide in the Atma?"

"He (Ramana) would have this preliminary stage to till the soil in your mind so that you could get to a level where you start to feel the Atman .... and that preliminary stage was Atma Vichara or Self Inquiry. So he would give this practice to people ... This is a preliminary stage and for those people who could not understand his silence...You do not remain in the inquiry forever."

We are no saints, we must constantly watch out for the pitfalls and mines laid out on the path. One careless move could ruin a lifetime of work or rather many lifetimes of work. Agathiyar often says not to take for granted that the next birth will be a human birth. Ramalinga Adigal lists a long list of sins and asks if he had done those that brought forth another birth. We need to remind ourselves not to step into the quicksand that draws us further in. This is a reminder to me too. This blog and the writings serve as a reminder to me too. I too am traveling with you, fellow readers and seekers to the promised land. 

Watching documentaries on nature and animals makes us humble. We realize that nature is intelligent. Learn to see God in nature for it is his creation. We see his touch in nature. We see his magic in nature. And indeed it is a joke that we claim ourselves to be superior and above all others.

Then there is that ego in us that differentiates others and places us superior to others when we tread the path of religion and spirituality. But Agathiyar humbles us at every juncture giving us a knock on the head with his staff. The soul of the atheist father of the staunch devotee of Agathiyar who passed away several days ago, was accepted in the folds of the Siddhas. This news was related in a Nadi reading subsequent to his passing to his daughter by Agathiyar. Agathiyar added that they were blessed to have had these parents and vice versa their parents too were blessed to have these three daughters. He shall be remembered by all those who knew him, including me.

There is nothing to achieve here. Rather it is all about returning home. All fame and fortune shall have to be shed or left behind when death comes knocking. Yes, you shall be remembered for some time. But remember that man has a short memory and he remembers little of us.

"We are what we think. All that we are, arises from our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world" - Buddha

Buddha's final words were "Everything you see in the universe is ephemeral. Everything created by man is ephemeral and will be destroyed. You must accept that and work on your own wisdom. That is all."

Ramalinga Adigal echoes the same too.

ACCEPTANCE

I thought I had failed miserably in my duty given and purpose I came for when except for several devotees who frequented Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), others could not bring themselves to open up their hearts and homes to others. They did not host the puja and rituals and invite others as my family and I did back then. I had used myself as a yardstick to measure the others. I was saddened that the puja did not take off in their homes as intended and as aspired by Tavayogi and as desired by Agathiyar. 

But watching the movie "Rough Book" a lecturer in a university gives her student an assignment and asks the student to teach the class the next day. After he presented to the class what he had picked up from his research the night before, she asked the class, "Who benefits the most from teaching?" We too like the students would have answered, "Off course the students." This episode opened up my eyes too to the fact that the teacher is the one who gains the most in this test of competence. 

Indeed, before we talk we need to know the subject, the basics as the teacher puts it. Just as she says, "Strengthen your basics, practice and apply", we need to be well versed in the subject to strengthen our hold and further elaborate on it. Then there is a need for practice to excel in whatever we do. Agathiyar used to ask me to run trial runs of the rituals even before the devotees trickled in for the event. We need to have the clarity first to be able to draw the veil aside and enlighten the students. These come with experience. Only then what is learned can be applied successfully. 

I have come to accept that even if we do not see any AVM mushrooming around, it is fine for I believe I have learned much from these teachings too.  I learned and strengthened the basic trade and skills, and practiced and applied them. I benefited the most.

A MEMORABLE JOURNEY

Looking back at the past years, we can settle down peacefully knowing that we had done justice to all our outings and spiritual tours; the prayers and rituals we conducted; the events we held and the charities we did, etc. 2019 was a time to wind up and go within to discover the Self. All the above activities came to an abrupt halt. Each of us went our way, carrying these wonderful memories with us. The Siddha path came to a close for many. The dream to see Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) take foot in each home did not see the light of the day except for a handful. The rest were comfortable with their personal puja and were not ready to open up their homes and hearts to others to join in their home prayers as my family and I did in the past. Agathiyar too left them alone to focus on their responsibilities to their families, careers, and businesses. They were free to do as they pleased. As for me, he asked to walk the remaining journey alone for he said that the path was now narrow and could accommodate only one at a time. I guess I have arrived at the very place I started just as Tavayogi autographed my copy of his book "Andamum Pindamum" writing "God lives in your heart, from where the journey starts and ends too." After making the call to come to the path through the Nadi reading, after seeking to know more about Agathiyar from other organizations in his name, after meeting Tavayogi who brought me to the many abodes and temples of the Siddhas, and after ushering the Siddhas into our homes through puja and rituals, finally we realized him in our hearts as did Tavayogi. We have indeed arrived home. The search has stopped. The activities have ceased. Silence prevails these days. In this silence, we sense his being and us as one, just as he had pointed out.

A REBEL

We have come across at least once traditions, customs, beliefs, and faiths that are flawed. Such flaws were portrayed in the films "Maharaj" and "Shyam Singha Roy". Yet we blindly follow fake and self-proclaimed gurus and masters as in the former and admit it is difficult to break age-old practices, traditions, customs, beliefs, and faith as in the latter. But the Siddhas being the radical and bold ones tore these down and exposed these wrongdoings. Sivavakiyar, Kuthambai, Ramalinga Adigal, Supramania Bharathi, Tavayogi, and even Agathiyar have come down hard on these mischief makers and have warned us through their songs to be alert and never fall for the tricks, manipulation, and avoid the unholy alliance with such people in holy garbs. 

On another note, I am confused when I read obituaries written or rather Xeroxed from earlier ones with a quick change of names of the deceased, addresses, and other personal particulars. A typical obituary would state that it is with deep regret and sadness that we inform the passing away of the deceased and in the same breath state that the deceased has attained the Holy Feet of Lord Siva or "Siva Patham". Why do we come out with such a statement or notice that mentions regret and sadness for so and so who has passed away and has merged at the feet of the Lord? Isn't this what we all came for and aim to attain? These words ring out even when spiritual and religious heads and patrons of these movements and organizations die. Isn't this what these masters and gurus strived to attain in their lifetime? Has not the master or guru prepared his or her followers to accept his or her death joyfully? Agathiyar says that death is but another doorway to another journey and that it should be happily looked forward to. 

Another much-mentioned word during death is that of asking us to pray for the soul to attain peace or "Atma Santhi". Does that mean that that soul never saw a moment of peace during its lifetime? Was it tortured, or had it suffered, or was it in pain that now the family has to carry out prayers and rituals to appease the soul? Or are these for those who carried much desire in them and never got to see their dreams come true? Are prayers and rituals then necessary only for those who have never seen a good day in their lifetime? Would this then exempt the need to carry out these last rituals for someone who has attained a state of peace with himself and the world around him while alive? 

I guess this is the reason I was somehow not prompted from within to go back to the burial ground of my late father after he passed away in 1991. Though I never carried out any rituals for him, either at home or in temples and holy places to this day, I carry him in my heart to this day. When my mother passed away a year back and was cremated as she had desired, similarly I was never moved to carry out the yearly rituals. Both my parents were prepared to leave their mortal frame having attained the state of satisfaction and completeness. They never had any unfulfilled desires. For that matter, they never had any desires. They lived a happy life until their last days. 

I guess this is the reason that Tavayogi too told me there was nothing for me to do when news of my guru Supramania Swami's passing reached my ears and I sought advice from Tavayogi. Similarly, after Tavayogi's passing, I did nothing, following his advice. Just like my parents, both my gurus never carried even a single desire or want. Since their soul was at peace, there did not arise any need for rituals to appease these souls. Agathiyar too never came around telling me I was wrong in holding on to this understanding. In fact, when my wife recently asked Agathiyar if we should carry out these rituals for the dead, he replied it was not necessary for us but the others needed them. He said that since we had the right understanding and had no desires, it was not necessary, but for those who carry tons of desires and wishes that aren't fulfilled, there is a need for these rituals.

When the famed Nadi reader of Chennai, left his mortal frame, many years back, Agathiyar told a close aid of his that as the latter's soul was meditating in Pothigai hills, it was not appropriate for his family to carry out rituals that would jeopardize his meditative state forcing him to leave his meditation or Tavam and come back amidst them. But as we all are so tied up with customs and traditions, I understand that his family went ahead with the rituals, failing to realize that the deceased was an exceptionally special soul. Agathiyar surprised me too. I never knew that the soul continues to meditate once the practice is instilled and practiced while alive.

Ramajayam, who was Supramania Swami's son, shared that he regretted that he never saw the greatness of his father when he was alive. His father had written the details of how he was to be attended to upon his passing away in his diary. He even noted the exact date of his departure in 2007. Swami had shared with me when I visited him in 2005 that he would pass away when he was 76 years of age which apparently was in 2007. Swami had mentioned that his body was to be laid within 8 hours of passing away.

Recently I attended two funerals. One was that of my brother-in-law who was a staunch devotee of saint Raghavendra having built the saint a Brindavanam in his hometown. Days before his passing he gathered his family and told them how his last rites should be conducted. He asked to be cremated the traditional way, burning in the open on logs, just like we did my mother. His daughter is the famous singer Gowri Arumugam. She had her father sing along with her in a single that she released on YouTube. 

The other was the father to a staunch devotee of Agathiyar. Though her father was an atheist he came down from upholding his principles and played my wife and me a beautiful song written by Ramalinga Adigal. He had his daughter bring out his priced harmonium that was stored away, dusted it, and began to sing the song accompanied by his daughter who was a wonderful singer too. She contributed her voice to a track from our "Agathiyar Geetham" audio CD. This album was produced by my niece Gowri Arumugam. Like Gowri's father, he too had told his family how he wanted his last rites to be carried out. There were no rituals that day. Like my mother he too told his family that he wanted to sleep before passing away. He was cremated too. 

Ramalinga Adigal sang that the day he left behind caste, religion, and all things related, he saw the ArutJothi. Supramania Swami told me days before his passing that he had seen the Jothi.

Siddhar Songs

Watching the movie "Maharaj" exposes many weaknesses in the system, religion, customs, traditions, beliefs, and faith. But it is sad that even after 162 years we still fall for these bait and manipulation by men in holy garb. I am glad that Tavayogi had me shed my hold on holy men telling me that even he was not a holy man but just as ordinary as anyone else. He had me instead hold steadfast to the feet of Agathiyar of whom I had not the faintest idea. But today when all seen and felt, heard and tasted and everything gross dissolves into oblivion, what is truly standing is the subtle, unseen, and unknown. This is how the Siddhas break us and our hold on things, possessions, opinions, beliefs, and faith. Listen to these songs from these reformers with radical thinking. 

A QUIET DAY OF PUJA

After a lapse of two months, when Agathiyar chose not to leave AVM, my daughter invited him and Lobama to her home and carried out the homam and libation to their statues yesterday evening. 

Some time back Agathiyar had answered a question from a devotee as regards to his true form, where he questioned her back what she experienced in doing puja and rituals and carrying out charity. Her answer was a feeling of accomplishment and completeness. Agathiyar replied that that was him. Now since he has brought us to let go and leave everything behind, he tells me that true joy was in letting go and doing nothing. As if to acknowledge the facts I wrote in my last post about my current experiences, Agathiyar came after the puja rituals and asked me if I was enjoying life doing nothing or what is termed "Summa Erukkum Sugam". I answered him that peace or "Shanti" was prevailing, and a feeling of completeness or "Pari Puranam" to which he said it was due to my effort. I replied "No, it wasn't" and I had to thank Supramania Swami, Tavayogi, and him for their grace. He told me that there was more to it and that it shall be felt and revealed from within in due course. I was glad and thanked him from the bottom of my heart. I guess the morning and evening walks, weather permitting, that I and my wife took daily and the breathing practice we did have kept us well for Agathiyar told the handful gathered to care for the body and health for as long as it is cared for, life shall be sustained in it. He asked those who have dropped carrying on the Yogic practices given, to pursue them. He healed my daughter too and recommended some herbal ointments to apply. We are ever so grateful to him.

PEACE

A peace comes on and envelops me these days even as I key in these words, making me unperturbed by the surrounding sounds which I found it a struggle to overcome in the days of my trying desperately to sit in meditation. I still cannot bring myself to meditate. I realize now that just like the breathing stops on its own accord and yoga comes on spontaneously, meditation too has to happen spontaneously. 

The fire to achieve and do things has died down just like the fire to carry out puja and rituals. It is more about taking in the sights and sounds. It is about observing and watching. The conversations and voicing of opinions and vomiting all that we read once upon a time has dropped to a pin-drop silence. The silence within is enchanting and much pleasant than all the music put together. The silence within is much pleasant than all the thoughts and planning and looking forward to something better. Living for the moment is rewarding. The present is rewarding in every sense. Living in the present, being aware of the breath is truly bliss. 

Agathiyar, Supramania Swami and Tavayogi prepared us well. If Supramania Swami let go of all the merits gained from his 40 years of austerities to me, and Tavayogi had me drop my hold to all things personal including him, Agathiyar had me drop my attachments further including towards movements, followings and positions and finally even towards him. All these training saw us bid him farewell again last evening as my daughter brought him and the statue of Lobama to her home for today's Pornami or full moon puja. It is time for our grandchildren to take over the reign. They have made it easy for us to eventually leave the body too when the time comes.

THE GAME

In the Gravitas documentary "Afterlife - The Science Behind Near Death Experiences", we are asked "For life after death would God be required? If so, where does God fit in?" Even in everyday living where does God fit in? For some who take it up as a profession to attend to temples and its ceremonies, from dawn to dusk they serve God and his devotees. For others God is visited during certain hours before his abode shuts its doors. For many others God does not exist. Faith and belief are required to accept God. These is often instilled in us when we grow up by our parents and family. Then there are others who begin to belief when a miracle takes place in their lives. But in all these God seems an alien who is worshipped and sought for favors. 

Call it God, Siva, Parvathi, Krishna, Narayana, Laksmi, Ganesa, Muruga, Agathiya, or Arutperunjothi or by any name, all these labels denote the one life force or Atman that is ever existing. It took forms and names for a game. Let us turn the table around and belief that we are God or at least a part of his mighty existence. Yes, we are existence existing throughout time and space. When we lose the idea of separation, we shall then begin to see the picture or rather the play clearly. We feel connected. We tend to accept and live with it and in it. We know that the moving force in us moves the other too. The Siddhas bring us to realize that we are all one, when he says that he and I are one. Just like the souls in plants and animals and other creatures are collective by nature, we too are collective. But the individual ego makes us think otherwise. And the ego arising out of the 96 Tatvas is caught in it. The ego in each individual overrides the wishes and desires of the soul, pushing him or her to act the way they do. In surrendering the ego, the soul is seen to do no harm to another, for would we cut off our own limbs or injure ourselves? 

STRIKING GOLD

Why is Agathiyar helping us out? He can simply ignore us? We do not deserve to be in his good books. Yet he is tirelessly trying his best to bring us to his state. Pon Govindasamy reveals to us the Divine's plan in his book "Vallalaarum Brahma Gnana Sangamum", Bharath Book Bureau, Chennai. He states that it is the mission of the Divine to save the souls that are riddled, locked, and chained by Aanavam, Kanmam, and Maayai and bring them back to his state of purity. 

கட்டுப்பட்ட உயிர்களை தளை நீக்கி (ஆணவம், கன்மம், மாயை), தன்னைப்போல் அகண்டாகார பரிபூரண வஸ்துவாக மாற்றுவதே ஈஸ்வரனின் சங்கல்பம் ஆகும்.

God comes in human form through a Piralayaakalar and guides the souls tied down to these three Malams to achieve the Sakalar state. A Piralayaakalar has been there before us. He has dropped Maayai but still retains the other two Malams, Kanmam and Aanavam. They are said to be the Rishis. God comes as Shiva to these Piralayaakalar. They in turn teach and educate us making us Sakalar. Then we have the Maha Rishis who had defeated Kanmam too but were restrained by Aanavam. They are called Vignanakalar. God comes within to teach them. When the distinction between them and God disappears, the Aanavam drops on its own accord, and they become one with God. When we realize that there is no division or separateness between us and God, the last of the Malam, Aanavam is dissolved and we see our being as the Buddha, the Light, one with Param or God (not the personal form of God). 

The Gurbani - Sri Guru Granth Sahib, SGGS 1276 states that "Having eradicated Maya from within, by the Divine Grace, the mortal becomes established once again in the Divine Consciousness within." "Maya comes to serve them." (The Gurbani - Sri Guru Granth Sahib, SGGS 1324).

This is how the Gods deal with the cards and play their game. We are caught in their Lila until a guru in the physical form, a Siddha or one's own Atma comes to tear the veils down and show us the truth.

KASI

While I was refueling my car at the petrol bunk some weeks ago, a Bangladeshi youth who was maning his post walked up to assist me fill the petrol. Out of the blues he told me that I should visit Kasi and went on to explain how I could get there and added that it was pretty easy to make the trip. Baffled though, I thanked him and left. I had no idea to travel but he surprised me that day.

Supramania Swami wanted to visit Kasi and shared his desire with me when I was with him. But his family and I knew that he could not possibly make the long journey from Tiruvannamalai to Kasi. As it was, he struggled to make it to a Vishnu temple some distance from his village. His son told me that he was bedridden for some time after returning from Palani. He never made it to Kasi.

Tavayogi surprised me by calling me from Kasi many years back. He had decided to take a short break from his chores at the ashram to visit Kasi taking hint and the directive from Agathiyar. 

My brother and his family had been to Kasi many years ago. He returned to write about it for the paper he worked for. (Published on February 9, 2012 in the pull-out section LIFE & TIMES Travel of the New Straits Times daily.) SIDDHA HEARTBEAT: KASHI - IN MOTHER GANGA'S EMBRACE (PART 1) (agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com) and SIDDHA HEARTBEAT: KASHI - IN MOTHER GANGA'S EMBRACE (PART 2) (agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com)

The past few days, composer Shantanu Moitra brought me and my wife along on his grueling journey cycling along and following the River Ganga from its source to the Bay of Bengal through the camera lens of his crew and team and with his wonderful narration. It was simply superb. We got to see and feel Ganga in all her majesty. The songs he composed, and the background score were equally uplifting to the soul. 

BE ON THE LOOK OUT

The moment Agathiyar says that we are one here starts another phase of the journey where I need to tread carefully and be extra cautious about all that I say and do. If we are one, it could only mean we have arrived or rather we are it. He is driving the point that all souls are one, and Buddha in essence and always in existence. It is a matter of how many realize this truth. 

Agathiyar in having us let go even asked that I let go of grasping onto him, my last resort and hold on the rope of salvation. When I replied, "How could I?" his answer was "Aren't we One?" I let go that instant. Everything I learned and picked up dropped on its own accord. I can hardly remember them now. All I knew was that I did not exist apart and except as him. I lost myself but came to know him. We were verily one. My learning here has come to an end. Gary Zukav in his "The Seat of the Soul", Simon and Schuster Paperbacks, 1989, writes, "Karmic patterns seize to be once you as a soul no longer require learning in the world of duality."

From Salopam or the rare gift of taking human birth and living in the world of the God and coming to Sameepam or the great honor of living close to God, having him in our homes, and Sarupam or the exalted state of taking the form of God where he momentarily enters us and speaks and heals, he has brought us to arrive at Sayujyam or the ultimate state of merging with God. 

The 4 paths namely Taatamaargam (Sariyai), the path of the servant; Sarputramaargam (Kriyai) or the path of the son; Sagamaargam (Yogam) or the path of companionship and Sanmaargam (Jnanam) attaining the form of Shiva, that gives rise to the above-mentioned states or resulting in these relationships, has been traversed to realize the Self and Atma is one. 

Since we verily carry him, it is like walking on a razor's edge. Maya is not done with his work. He still could lure us, coming in the sheep's clothing, waiting to pounce on us when we lose our guards. Many a holy man have fallen into disgrace at this juncture. We have to be on the look out.

ALL ROADS LEAD HOME

The Para(Atma), Brahman, Atma or Soul took a journey back then in the way past known only to the Siddhas, to experience its nature. For that to happen, it needed all the opposites to come into being. And so Maya came about. The world of opposites came about with it. The Gods and Goddesses, the Devas and Devis, the deities came about. Creation beyond our imaginations came into being. Man too evolved with the rests in time. He sails through this world of opposites often getting caught in its snares and keeps coming back looking for an escape route and the highway back to being the Light. 

Men who managed through to find the way came back as gurus and guides. But they could not lift us and place us back into our original home. They could only show us the path, the way and knowhow on reaching home. We have to take the walk. It is a long walk for many like us. Along the way we become guides to others too. But each has a journey, separate and unique in every sense, that has to be completed. But the irony is that there is no destination or road map. All roads lead within, we eventually come to find out. Now I understand what Tavayogi meant when he penned an autograph in the pages of his book "Andamum Pindamum" that I purchased from him. He wrote the following when translated meant, "God lives in your heart, from where the journey starts and ends too." 

I am amazed to realize now that Tavayogi had hinted all the secrets on the onset. It was just that we could not make it out then. But leading us on a journey of experiencing for ourselves rather than learning sitting at his feet, we came to see these truths take shape and materialize in our lives too. These became our experiences rather than listening to his. These experiences and the lessons gained shaped us into the likes of his. We carry him within in all manner. Tavayogi lives in us.

GO OUT YOUTHS

As Swanand Kirkire writes a line in a song for composer Shantanu Moitra's departed father, "A part of you lives on in me", it makes us realize the same that our parents, siblings, grandparents, our ancestors, the whole lineage, nay the whole of humanity lives in us. We are all connected. So too is the Atma in me and you connected with the Param(Atma). Rejoice that we are all Buddhas and divine by nature. Although the subject of death dampens our day, realizing that the world is Maya and that nothing is permanent all paints a bleak future for us, and dashes all our aspirations and hopes, let's not draw a solemn picture after knowing that all these is Maya and dump the world. You might be young and raising a family. Go ahead. There is time to take the leap later. As Agathiyar asked those youths at AVM to drop all and look after their responsibility towards their family and career for the moment, go out on an adventure and take that leap from the cliff right now bringing on the adrenalin rather than sitting in your room trying to get your body to ooze that ambrosia that is much spoken about. That can always wait for a later date, something I learned from Lord Shiva who came in my dream as a bachelor in my 20s and put on hold all my practices for some 14 years.

Just an update on what too place upon waking up today. Just as in 2022, I felt dizzy, nauseous and my whole body except by head went freezing cold and numb. A cold shower did some good to regain normalcy.

When the home quarantine was lifted last Friday, my wife, daughter and I did a self-test. Thinking it was clear as it was with the rests of them, my daughter pointed out a faint second line hardly visible. Today I took another test, and the line was there, still faint and hardly noticeable. I guess I have long Covid that might take some time for the virus to leave the body completely. I am continuing with and following all the tips given by medical professionals and the home remedies given by others and also those that Agathiyar gave us including lighting of the Homam that Lord Shiva and Prapanjam asked to carry out at the height of the pandemic. 

OPEN YOUR HEART

In "Wine of the Mystic - The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam", Self-Realization Fellowship, 1994, Paramahansa Yogananda writes, "By drawing inspiration from the lives of great men, we shall rise above all narrow confinement of habit bound thought and custom into the firmament of free thought and universal understanding. And by contacting ever new joy on the altar of meditation we shall lose all grossness and feel the Omnipresent spirit. With utter surrender to the will of the lord our souls will ever expand like a sphere of bliss in the boundless kingdoms of Omnipresence."

Shedding the gross for the subtler we move within and closer to realizing our true nature. Annie Besant in her talks on "The Laws of the Higher Life", the Theosophical Publishing House, 1903, draws two distinct divisions to people and their brains. 

"The coarser vibrations of the lower world and those adapted to it are one. The other is those who are in the front of evolution and of a subtler nature. The more highly evolved brain that is sensitive and readily responsive to subtle vibrations is that of the spiritual genius - spiritual, artistic, literary."

"Then the normal brain under undue stress and emotion becoming sensitive and tense, is the brain of the religious mystic and seer." 

"While the former is careless of ordinary affairs, the latter with its "intense desire to reach a higher life overstrains the nerves hence rendering it sensitive to answer vibrations from the subtler planes of being. Then visions and abnormal happenings will occur. The superphysical consciousness finds at least for the brief moment a vehicle sufficiently sensitive to receive and answer to its impulses. The neuropathic brain affords the conditions necessary for the vision that belongs to the superphysical world, to impress itself on the physical consciousness."

I guess we fell for these too. But Agathiyar, just as oil is distilled from the seed, brought forth the understanding giving us the experience. He helped us navigate safely to the banks and exposed the numerous traps lying at the riverbed. This path indeed is akin to walking on a razor. One truly needs a physical guru by his side, a Siddha in the subtle form or awaken his Atma that then looks over his shoulder, while treading this path.

Here Annie Besant says, "We are dealing with vehicles in the ordinary stage of evolution, unfit for subtle vibrations." The medium could place himself in danger. The unfit brain, in straining itself to answer to the higher could go cuckoo. She also cautions us if we want to engage in yoga with an impure diet and body, 

"You must begin to purify the body before you attempt to practice any yoga worthy of the name. For real yoga is as dangerous to an impure and undisciplined body as a match to a cask of gunpowder."

Annie Besant asks us to look towards the East for answers to "how this danger has been understood and guarded against and avoided." 

As Yogananda wrote, Annie too echoes the same, "The self gathers around it upadhi upon upadhi, vehicle after vehicle, gradually shaping its own instruments. "Here we see a consciousness that shapes bodies according to its needs, gradually refining them and bringing them under the control of the higher." 

This higher consciousness that shapes bodies fit for its purpose here is verily the Atma.

"The brain has to be changed, refined, improved, its connecting links fashioned and manufactured for the purposes of the expression of the higher consciousness..... Now making the mind steady, holding quiet the powers of the mind, the mind ceases to vibrate, and it becomes still - able to answer the vibrations coming from above."

Annie Besant writes in "Avatara-s", The Theosophical Publishing House, 2002, 

"... inasmuch as the body is an instrument we have to use, a certain treatment of the body is necessary so that we may turn our footsteps in the direction of the Path. The body alone will never take us to the heights we aspire to, yet to neglect it will make it impossible for us to attempt those heights at all. ... The body needs to be refined, to be improved, to be moulded into such a form and made of such constituents as may best fit it to be the instrument on the physical plane for man's highest purposes."

"... the purification of the dense body then, consists in a process of deliberate selection of the particles permitted to compose it; the man will take into it the way of food the purest constituents he can obtain, rejecting the impure and the gross."

So now if you have arrived here and want to be a vehicle for the divine purpose, it is of utmost importance that you adopt a vegetarian diet. Eventually this too shall drop as one partakes the ambrosia and the breath within. But what about the times I had consumed meat before, one might ask.

She allays our fears.

"... by natural change the particles built into it in the days of his careless living will gradually pass away, at least within seven years - although the process may be considerably hastened."

Agathiyar told Jnana Jothiamma that she had to face pain as her body that had consume meat for the past 60 odd years has to be purified and drained off the toxins that interfere with the internal transformation. She had to go through a grueling cleansing process where for instance she vomited 32 times in a day. She told me one had to shed seven layers of skin too. Though she very much sought this pure state, her body could not take the strain and she eventually gave up to come back and take up the course in another birth. 

ATMA

We are and have been in existence. Our apparent "existence" with a form, substance, name and identity though seems real is all a play of the Tatvas. The journey of returning home is only true in the context of this illusory world as all journeys and travels are. We as the Atma are forever present. We neither went places. So, when I asked if his coming and the rest of the Siddhas too were an illusion, Agathiyar hesitated for a moment fearing that his answer would confuse us, and as I waited, answered "Yes". Everything sensed, seen, heard, spoken, touched, tasted in this world is an illusion. The true Self is always in a state of bliss Sat Chit Ananda, pure existence, consciousness and bliss. It stands aloft from the transitional world and its happenings. But for the purpose of interaction, it assumes forms and identities and joins the crowd of holiday makers. We go on adding logic and reason to justify all these acts. Whatever manifested becomes duality. When the play ends what remains but an empty stage. 

This is the reason Agathiyar says he only sees and speaks with our Atma. Now I understand why the very first thing Tavayogi told me, breaking me and my hold, was that I was living in Maya. He wanted me to see through it and come out of it. The next thing he said was to come to Gnana, the dawn of this truth and wisdom. Finally Agathiyar and Lord Shiva throwing the existing order, belief and faith, our understanding and acceptance into chaos had Indran churned the sea and brought forth the ambrosia that is Gnanam to see through it and see it all as Maya. I guess we have finally arrived at this realization and are back being one with the One.

Since all we see, hear, touch, speak and smell, and all that is perceived is the art, skill and master craftsmanship of Maya do not get attached to them. Similarly, since all that we bring forth in this world too eventually is consumed by Maya do not get attached to them. Live as a drop of water on the Lotus leaf. Create but be detached. Experience but be detached.

NO DIVIDE

Drop the notion of separation, that you and the (Jeev)Atma and (Param)Atma are different. The Param lives in us and we live in it. This is what Agathiyar told us that he was the Prapanjam and that he lived in it and it in him. There is no distinction between these. But as creation is a play of Maya, we see them distinguished, and different, taking on several forms, names, nature and characteristics. Now it is defined by so many words in so many languages. So, which is right? As Agathiyar says intellect cannot point us to it. It has to be felt. The vibration that is God has to be imbibed and felt and experienced. Only he can pass it on. So, all our effort is to bring us to this state of realization. We need to prepare ourselves to connect and have these energies and its vibration traverse within or rather rise from within and traverse through us right till the core of our being. We then are one with him, it. The differences and separation then drop on its own accord. 

I AM THE ATMA

Tavayogi once told me that the soul should be free and not caged. A child in essence is a liberated soul but we adults groom them into our clones, limited and fearful, placing our desires, grieve, rejection, acceptance, feeling and expectations etc. on them, trapping and drowning them too in what we choose to see and belief in this world. 

Where was the timid shy boy who was the favorite of his relatives now? Where are the ideas and words uttered by the young adult sitting in the midst of his senior colleague at work? Where is all the knowledge accumulated from these sessions and readings? Where are the many moments of joy, he experienced in doing puja and charity? Where are the dreaded moments of pain and sufferings he went through back then? They all dispersed into thin air and even those memories too are beginning to fade. This body to shall drop to the ground. The mind shall evaporate. The breath shall leave. The senses shall fail. What then is still present and alive here right now? Existence. Knowing that we exist. Knowing that I am. Knowing that I was, I am, and I shall be forever, beyond form and name, age and color, race and boundaries.  I am the Atma. Agathiyar says that Atma belongs to him. அந்த ஆன்மா என்னையே சார்ந்தது.

The Being that is in Existence brings about existence, Tavayogi in his "Atma Thattuvam" writes, உடலும் உயிரும் சேர்ந்து செயல்படுகின்ற ஒரு பொருளைதான் ஜீவன் என்கிறோம். உயிர் உடல் இரண்டையும் இணைத்து வைக்கின்ற ஒப்பற்ற கருவியே ஆத்மா எனப்படும். Like Agathiyar says, Tavayogi too states that the Atma is a tool that binds both the Uyir and Udal. Jeeva or what is commonly said to be "Life" is possible only with the merger of the physical gross body (Udal) and the breath (Uyir). The Atma takes charge and control of the Udal and Uyir. But the reason we cannot identify it is that it is subtle in nature as opposed to the gross nature of the Udal that is known through the senses and the Uyir that is known when awareness is brought to the breath. As the Uyir is known through the Udal and vice versa, we realize the importance of the Udal then and begin to treasure it. When we are caught in the grips of Maya or illusion in this world, we never realize the existence of the Atma.

Prana moves and drives the act of conceiving and formation of the embryo and later fetus overseen by the Atma for its purpose here. This Prana from both parents' mergers brings forth "Life".

பிறக்கும் சிசு கருவுற மூலமாக இருப்பது பிராணவாயு. பிராணவாயு ஆணின் அணுக்களிலும் பெண்ணின் அணுக்களிலும் ஊடுருவி ஒன்றெனக் கலந்து பிரதான பொருள் வடிவம் அடையும் தன்மை உண்டானால் அங்கு உயிர் சக்தி உருவேற்ற படுகிறது. 

The 96 Tatvas that bind us together when is reconstructed and a transformation from the gross to the subtle takes place, we realize that we were the Atma in existence all along. 

உடல் என்பது பஞ்ச பூதங்களில் உரு பெற்று மீண்டும் பஞ்ச பூதங்களிடம் சென்று விட்டால் உயிராகியது ஆன்மா வோடு கலந்து ஜோதிநிலையில் எம்மை வந்து அடையும். உடல் கூறு தத்துவமும் இதையே உமக்கு உணர்த்தும். 

Agathiyar has shed the notion of becoming but rather in letting go we saw the true nature of the Being in existence. To gain this knowledge we had to engage in activities just as darkness was required, suffering was necessary, turmoil and confusion served a purpose. Just as from the chaos emerges clarity, when all activities ceased what stood bare and naked was the soul. We confronted the soul in these moments of doing nothing. We merely existed then. There was no doer. There was no Karma initiating an act or Karma gained from doing an act. We were back to being zero. 

பூஜ்ஜியத்துக்குள்ளே ஒரு

ராஜ்ஜியத்தை ஆண்டுகொண்டு

புரியாமலே இருப்பான் ஒருவன்

அவனைப் புரிந்துகொண்டால் அவன்தான் இறைவன்

உள்ளத்தின் உள் விளங்கி

உள்ளுக் குள்ளே அடங்கி

உண்டென்று காட்டிவிட்டான் ஒருவன்

ஓர் உருவமில்லா அவன்தான் இறைவன்.

https://www.lyricaldelights.com/2022/06/18/valar-pirai-poojiyathukkulle-oru/

Agathiyar eventually pulls the rug off our feet, as Jason Gregory says, telling us birth was not given to accomplish our wants and desires, ambitions and plans. Instead, it was to know ones Atma and to know that we are one. 

மனித பிறவி கிடைத்தது உங்களின் மனித வாழ்க்கையை வாழ்வதற்கு அல்ல. ஆன்ம விடுதலை நோக்கிச் செல்லுங்கள். 

Poet Nakkirar pleads to Lord Ganapathy to grant him this realization, this state, "மனத்தே நீயே நானாய் நானே நீயாய்" in his Vinayagar Agaval.

To sense God as a vibration is to know the Atma says Agathiyar.

ஆன்மா உடலையும் உயிரையும் தனது கட்டுப்பாட்டுக்குள் வைத்துக் கொள்ளும் ஒரு சூச்சமம். இந்தச் சூச்சமத்தை பிறந்த குழந்தைகள் 1  முதல் 5 வராகை வரையிலும் உடன் இருந்து மறையும். மறைத்தலின் காரணம் இன்னதென்று இப்போது உனக்குச் சொல்ல இயலாது. ஆனபோதிலும் ஆன்ம ஒருவரின் செயலைப் பொறுத்தே மீண்டும் அவனை வந்து சேரும். ஆன்மா உன்னோடு இருந்து உன்னை ஒரு பாதைக்கு இழுத்து செல்லும் அப்போது நீ அதனை உணர்ந்தாள், உன்னில் அதிர்வாய் தோன்றி மறையும். அந்த அதிர்வினை நீ உனக்குள் நீடிக்கப் பழகினால் உன்னால் ஆன்மா என்னும் உனது அதிர்வுகளில் ஊடுருவி என்னுள் (இறை / அகத்தியன்) வந்து சேர ஒரு வழி. 

The Atma shall show us the means to know our past Karma. Settling these scores, the yearning to know increases. Our focus on material things diminishes. It now wants to know itself, the Self, the Atma, Agathiyan.

ஆன்மா உனது கர்ம வினை தாங்கி வருவது அல்ல, ஆனால் ஆன்மாவே உனது கர்ம வினையைச் சரிசெய்வதற்கு உதவி புரியும். கர்மவை சரி செய்த பின், ஆன்மாவின் தேடல் அதிகமாகி மனிதனின் அன்றாட தேடல் தீர்ந்து போகும். அவன் தேடல் முழுதாய் என்னையே தேடி வர முயற்சி செய்யும்.

LEARNING TOGETHER

Looking back now, I realize that Agathiyar has worked hard to keep me safe and alive since day one. Though I knew that some divine force was with me, I only discovered its nature and form after reading the Nadi. It was Agathiyar, my guardian angel, guru, master, tutor, father, mother, companion and all. Why should he show so much love towards this horrible individual? What had I to offer in return? What did he expect from me? Agathiyar reveals that he was me and I was him. Just because he said that do not ask me to perform the feats he did? Do not ask me to perform the Siddhis. I know nothing about these. What he meant was that just like everyone else we were connected as souls or Atma. This relationship has been carried on for crores of years. The One came as many. I am one of it. And so are you. If generally, no one speaks about the soul thinking that he or she was here to live out her wishes and desires, once we come to know about it, we begin to look for our true purpose here. The guru in physical form, the Siddhas in subtle form, and the Atma in us then begin to show us the way, lighting up the path, bringing us to new destinations, and bringing us to meet other souls who could contribute and also benefit mutually. He asked me how was he to depend on one person to do his work? Thus we are but tools for him to spread his words and teachings.

And so was I shown many souls who came by after having their Nadi readings. We ventured to carry out charity programs besides performing puja both in the homes and temples. Agathiyar had me share these events and write about them too. Then he called it a day and sent everyone their way, armed with these tools to carry them out in their homes and with their family circles. Agathiyar had me teach whatever little Yoga I learned from Tavayogi to some who stayed back. He came to teach us Gnanam which was shared with those who stayed back.

So why did he prepare us? What am I supposed to do further? He has yet to say. But these writings seem to reach out to many going by the readership numbers. Then I receive a message from a reader that I believe speaks for the rest of my readers too.

Your writing is very powerful aiya. Your words give messages, guidance, and enlightenment to me and everyone. Your blog has brought me to Agathiar appa & become a better person.

Just as Pandit Gopi Krishna wrote in his "Kundalini - Path to Higher Consciousness", Orient Paperbacks, 1976, "Perhaps anyone who reads this account would be as surprised as I am myself at the marvelous ingenuity of nature and at the wonder hidden in the frail frame of men," this blog postings surprise me too, teaching me many things on the path. We are learning together.  

AGATHIYAR

Let me share the story of Agathiyar. This has nothing to do with the the Puranas and Itihasas, legends and myths surrounding Agathiyar. This is the story of the Agathiyar we all came to know.

It was somewhere in 1996 that the late Dr.Krishnan an astrologer and Siddha practitioner, mentioned the name. In 2002 my colleague spoke about his experience seeing the Nadi written by the Siddhas. I saw myself standing before a Nadi reader waiting for Agathiyar to address me and reveal my past, present and future. He did. He asked me to worship the Siddhas besides my regular pantheon of Hindu Gods and Goddesses. In 2009, Agathiyar asked that I commission a bronze statue in the image of his granite statue at Agasthiyampalli and worship. I did as told. The day after he arrived, we celebrated his Jayanthi. He came within me and had my soul transmigrate momentarily into his statue. Soon he came often. Agathiyar who materialize as the words in the Nadi, opened his eyes in the bronze statue just as he did in the granite statue at Agasthiyampalli. He brought the other Siddhas and deities too coming through other devotees too, when the Nadi readers left for India in the wake of the pandemic and there was a break in Nadi readings.

In June of 2023, he left my home for the home of another devotee and betroth Lobama. He is now back at AVM with her by his side. These days he is lying low and has given me and others a break too. But knowing the Siddhas we cannot take things for granted. Maybe this is the calm before the storm?

RIDING THE TIDES

Let me carry out an analysis of my life. Though nothing to shout about, let us see if whatever done and carried out deserves recognition. Have I made a mark while here? Lives purpose came to my attention only after reading Vashisht Vaid's post on his blog https://holysageagathiyar.com/ on Agathiyar's 5 Tenets. Agathiyar spoke about humanity's purpose clearly, which he proposed at the Tamil Sangam that serve as the core purpose of human birth.

1. He says that man has to first and foremost understand his purpose in taking birth. 
2. With his purpose known then, he should come to thank the divine creator or energy that brought forth his birth (through consultation with the lunar forefathers and their angelic hierarchies that co-exist with us down here).
3. He asks that we then thank all the caretakers both seen and unseen, in the present and the past. 
4. There arises then an obligation on our part to "dutifully aid and help, the ongoing evolution of all co-existing human beings." 
5. The final task is to extend this aid and help, towards "the ongoing evolution of all co-existing beings and entities, existing upon the lower levels of the evolutionary ladder, dutifully supporting the manifested matrix or prapanjam." 

Looking back, I realized that I have walked through these approaches. Agathiyar in my very first Nadi reading though he did not specifically mention my purpose, called me to worship the Siddhas besides the other deities whom I prayed too. He gave me remedies that would clear the path and have me reap the benefits of my puja and yogic practices that were hindered by my past Karma. A year earlier he passed on to me the Vasudeva Mantra in a mysterious manner that would open the way for me to meet my guru. As told, I met Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai. Three years on Agathiyar introduces me to Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar ashram who was on the path of the Siddhas. I came to thank "the divine creator or energy that brought forth this birth (through consultation with the lunar forefathers and their angelic hierarchies that co-exist with us down here)" thanks to my gurus and their lineage of masters. I thanked them, "all the caretakers both seen and unseen, in the present and the past." Tavayogi and Agathiyar set me to carry out my duty in "aiding and helping the ongoing evolution of all co-existing human beings", carrying out charity programs with a wonderful group of youths. Bringing these activities to a halt later, Ramalinga Adigal connected us with the Prapanjam hence bringing us to extend this aid and help, towards "the ongoing evolution of all co-existing beings and entities, existing upon the lower levels of the evolutionary ladder, dutifully supporting the manifested matrix or Prapanjam." 

As for the question why did Agathiyar chose a humble householder and his home to become the epicenter for his purpose and later divine play came to be answered. Agathiyar told me that I had unknowingly and unconsciously desired these. Later my purpose was revealed in a reading of the "Spiritual Numerology of Moses" or better known as the "Soul Contract Reading" where I was asked to continue my work, "Once you worked thru it all, you begin to manifest your soul purpose by helping and giving back to humanity". I was asked to come out of my cocoon and take up my purpose as revealed in the "Soul Contract Reading". Agathiyar came to endorse this reading later and told me that he had now to prepare me to fit the role. My purpose in coming here was to be a catalytic spiritual teacher. He told us how was he to depend on one person to do his work. He had to raise everyone to come to the state where they carry out his work. Again, Agathiyar said that as I had desired it he had to fulfill my desire. Agathiyar who had to prepare me for the role asked that I accept all the trials and tribulations that would come my way and keep my calm and peace. He asked that I do nothing, telling me that these itself was a test and a practice for the moment referring to my earlier query as "What should I do?", after he triggered and activated and set off the dormant energies within me in 2022. 

Teal Swan articles at https://tealswan.com/resource, gives a detailed description of the term "A spiritual Catalyst".

"A spiritual Catalyst is a person who precipitates an event or a change on the level of spirit (the essential, incorporeal part of someone or something). Spiritual Catalysts, like gurus, have attained a high level of spiritual authority, awareness, and knowledge, which enables them to guide others. Spiritual Catalysts, however, do not aim to become “Leaders” to their disciples as much as they wish to cause their disciples to question and find answers within themselves. It is the firm belief of a Spiritual Catalyst that if a person is caused to initiate their own exploration on the level of spirit, that person will then become the conscious leader of their own life. It is also the belief of a Spiritual Catalyst that if a person becomes the conscious creator and leader of their own life, that their life will inevitably become a kind of living enlightenment; thereby allowing that person to live in a continuous state of internal peace and joy."

True to the definition, "Spiritual Catalysts, however, do not aim to become “Leaders” to their disciples as much as they wish to cause their disciples to question and find answers within themselves", as I refused to hang on to these offers Agathiyar had them vaporized. Nothing remains of the past except fond memories. I did not fall for the game of Maya that Lord Shiva initiated with Agathiyar having Lord Indra draw the dice, thanks to Lord Murugan who came to warn me to watch my steps in the nick of time. I saw through the divine game and came out unscathed. 

WAITING

Looking back on my life I see a pattern or rather a cycle repeat but on a different dimension now. I came from a family that believed in God and had faith in him and was pious, observing religious practices and custom and traditions. I followed in the steps of my parents even when I left home as a bachelor seeking a new job in a distant town. I frequented the temples and conducted home puja just as before when I was with my parents. I made new friends with senior colleagues at my workplace and our discussion of religion expanded. After 8 years all these were brought to a halt when Lord Shiva sensing I carried too much reading, learning, doubts, queries and questions coming in a dream had me hold them back for a later date. I let go that instant, bringing my worship, temple visits, reading and discussions to a halt. Thus 14 years went by. (1988 to 2002). I got married and concentrated on my work and raised a family. In 2001, I got a surprise visit from my nephew bringing me news from "He Who Must Not Be Named" or "We don't talk about Bruno". It was only several months after I read the Nadi the following year in 2002, that he revealed it was from Agathiyar.

Agathiyar passed me a Vasudeva Mantra to prepare me to meet my guru. Later in the Nadi reading he mentioned that I shall meet him unexpectedly. And so I met Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai on the last leg of my pilgrimage to India in 2003. A brief but wonderful student guru relationship blossomed till he left his mortal frame in 2007. But the relationship pursued even after that as he appeared as an aroma in my home bringing my attention to his presence by giving me a miscall from his phone that was then not in service. It was indeed a miracle that was verified by Agathiyar after a few days in another Nadi reading. On a Shivaratri night, he followed his guru Yogi Ramsuratkumar who spoke to us and blessed us.

Meanwhile Agathiyar anticipating that Supramania Swami would be called to his side, sent Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar ashram to our shores in 2005 where I met him seeking verification if he was the one in the pamphlet that I received from the Nadi reader when I read the Nadi in 2002. A wonderful student guru relationship blossomed till he left his mortal frame in 2018. But the relationship pursued even after that as he came through devotees in my home bringing us divine guidance. It was indeed a miracle that was verified by Dhanvantri and the other Siddhas.

After the arrival of Tavayogi we were in top gear carrying out home puja and carrying it into the corridors of the temples, and carrying out charity programs in orphanages and old folks homes, the streets and the homes of the poor and unfortunate. Then it was time to step back as the balance sheet had been set right just as Agathiyar came to the south to correct the tipping of the world. We let go of all these activities as instructed. 

So here again I am idling my time with my family in my home doing nothing. It has been 5 years now (2019 to 2024). I am back to square one. If the Sariyai phase was put on hold for 14 years and I was uplifted to the Kriyai and Yogam phase with the coming of my guru, and Gnanam with Agathiyar giving a hand, I wonder what awaits after these 5 years? Or is there nothing further as Agathiyar says when I asked him if there was anything to be done. Have I arrived home? Or maybe I never left home in the very first place? WAITING

THE WONDER OF LIFE & BIRTH

The quarantine has been lifted at least for me and we are all fine. My daughters shall end today and my wife the day after. I guess God wanted us to have this experience too and another story to tell. We have crossed another hurdle in life and our lives was spared. Such is God's grace that we somehow want to give back. But how and in what ways? By giving him offerings? But these very offerings are his creation. Being of service to him as in Sariyai? That is a good start, living in his world and taking care of it. By performing Kriyai? That would take us a long way, connecting us to him personally. By taking up Yogam? This would enhance the home and his true abode that is within us, making it suitable for him to reside. By gaining Gnanam? Indeed, this would bring the understanding that we were never separate in the first place. 

G. Vanmikanathan in his "Pathway To God Trod by Saint Ramalingar" translates a verse from the "Shiva Gnana Siddhiyar" that classifies these acts as follows.

“Sanmaargam, Sagamaargam, Sarputramaargam, Taatamaargam, 

to gain Sankaran (Shiva), good paths four are these; 

Jnanam, Yogam, Kriyai, Sariyai, 

thus, also these are called.”

The "Shiva Gnana Siddhiyar Supakkam" 

• Taatamaargam (Sariyai), or living in the world of Shiva, is also known as the path of the servant. 
• Sarputramaargam (Kriyai) or the ritual worship of Shiva is known as the path of the son. 
• Sagamaargam (Yogam) or attaining the form of Shiva is also known as the path of companionship and
• Sanmaargam (Jnanam) is also known as the true path.

These 4 Neri or Maargam or path or ways brought its own state of Mukti or spiritual liberation (Moksha or Nirvana) namely

• Salopam or the rare gift of living in the world of the God
• Sameepam or the great honor of living close to God
• Sarupam or the exalted state of taking the form of God
• Sayujyam or the ultimate state of merging with God. 

This spiritual liberation is possible for each individual accordingly to the Neri he is on.

Sivavakiyar mentions these four Neri and its relative state of Moksha.

“Upon entering Sariyai, Salokyam shall one receive,

Through Kriyai, Sameepam shall he reach,

In Yoga, Sarupam shall be attained,

Jnanam, these four, Sayujyam shall one attain.”

Sugabramar mentions these four Neri too and the time of its entry in his "Gnana Suthiram".

 

“When the Parama Guru arrives, the path of Sariyai shall arise,

Slowly when the path of Sariyai is trod, Kriyai path shall arise shortly,

Upon walking the path of Kriyai, Son, the Yogam path will clearly arise,

Walking the path of Yogam, the Jnanam path shall appear.”

To aid us in our understanding, G. Vanmikanathan categorizes the famous four Naayanmaar accordingly in the respective paths and stages of spiritual advancement.

• Thirugnaanasambandhar as a follower of the Jnanam - Sariyai Maargam
• Thirunaavukkarasar is identified as one who followed the Jnanam - Kriyai Maargam
• Sundaramoorthi Swamigal as a follower of the Jnanam - Yogam Maargam, and 
• Maanikkavaachakar as the follower of Jnanam - Sanmaargam.

Ramalinga Adigal has spoken of the various states of the soul; the 16 stages or Padi and above of spiritual experiences; the Experiences (Nilai); Stages and Paths. (Source: An Introduction to the Philosophy of Ramalinga Swami by Dr C Srinivasan, published by Ilakkia Nilayam, Tiruchi, 1968).

1. Human beings leading a mundane life without even a thought of its transient nature.
2. Spiritualist aware of momentary nature of life; Conscious of the world and external objects; Enjoys gross things.
3. Seeking to see the Lord and feels inseparable; Untiring search for God; Enjoys subtle things.
4. Only God; Neither dreams nor desires; Soul temporarily one with Brahman; Enjoys bliss.
5. Spontaneous impulse of love for God; Lust and veil covering the soul for generations are shed one after the other; Soul cleanse by Arutperunjhoti; Absolute union with Brahman.
6. Enjoys grace of Lord and ecstasy.
7. Heavenly experiences; Shackles removed by Arutperunjhoti; Above this stage, God is un-manifested.
8. Aspirant realizes the greatness of God's grace and his smallness; Tasting God; Glory of Arutperunjhoti; Self-realization  on the soul as an atom brilliant as the sun or Atma Tarisanam; Soul charged with divine grace; 
9. Perceives God in the form of light; Soul is saturated with compassion and love; Experience of divine life (Uyir Anubhavam); Attains purified body or golden body (Sutha Degam); The extent of achievement is dependent on the grace of Arutperunjhoti; 
10. Sees divinity in all creatures; Sees God in the form the aspirant is ready to receive; Enjoys supreme grace (Arul Anubhavam). Higher stages are heavenly stages and beyond human perception where the mind fails to conceive and all senses cease to function; 
11. Transformation to pure body; Love incarnate; Universality of love in all fellow beings; Oneness in life; Sees the divine in all life forms; Spontaneous flow of God in him.
12. Descent of divinity in the individual.
13. Supreme grace flows. Prepares aspirant for the next stage.
14. Body transforms into Pranava Deham or body of grace.
15. Merges with Arutperunjhoti; 
16. Deathlessness or conquest of death.

There are still higher stages that Ramalinga Adigal hesitates to express as he says words cannot describe nor can they do justice to what is out there.

Pandit Gopi Krishna writes in his "Kundalini - Path to Higher Consciousness", Orient Paperbacks, 1976,

"Perhaps anyone who reads this account would be as surprised as I am myself at the marvellous ingenuity of nature and at the wonder hidden in the frail frame of men, which through the clay binding him to the earth, allows his spirit to soar unfettered to giddy heights to knock for admission at the portals of heaven itself. When I look within, I am lifted beyond the confines of time and space, in tune with a majestic, all conscious existence, which mocks at fear and laughs at death. An existence which is absolutely removed from everything in this world, an endless inexpressible wonder that can only be experienced and not described."

Wow! What a wonder. If only we could achieve these states or at least come close in some way to a higher standing and understanding, and maybe continue from there in another birth. 

PRAPANJAM

It has been a good 64 years. I shall be 65 this year. My daughter asked me what I would like for Father's Day. I told her I had no wishes. My only wish was for them to be well. I have everything a man needs. God has kept us well. And we are grateful. I have no regrets for I believe all my decisions were sound and well thought off and pondered over and appeared to be the best option at that moment in time given the circumstances. Even if it was wrong Agathiyar stepped in to console me that it was he who either grounded me or pushed me into it for want of those experiences too. 

Bringing all our activities to a halt, he now runs the show or so we thought. But there is no show and no show times. He has kept me doing nothing except for writing this blog. But there is this intense peace within and without these days. The calm and joy are overpowering. I just slip into these moments briefly without effort. What captures my attention then is the breath. I become the breath in these moments.

Coming to the Siddha path is not about attaining Siddhis that are much talked about. It is not about becoming saintly. It is returning to the soul, recognizing it and abiding in it. It is about losing ourselves to the soul, having it dictate the course henceforth. The soul being a part of the Param leads us back home to merge with the greater powerhouse. Ramalinga Adigal is said to have made numerous visitations before finally disappearing. And so, he connected us to the Prapanjam for one who has met Prapanjam need ask for nothing else. She shall serve him all his needs. She cares for her children's needs. 

How do we repay her? Heal her in times of ailment. Give back positive thoughts and speech. Conduct fire rituals. Sing her glory. But most importantly love her as she loves us. She is the very nature that sustains us. Touch her, caress her. Take notice of her. Embrace her. And she shall embrace you.

A SILVER LINING

Most of our problems do not end because we keep holding on to them. It is time to let go and move on. So is it with our miseries and sufferings. See each moment as the birth of a new day. Do not look at it as you did formerly. Brush away the past views and opinions. Look at it anew. Drop it too once you are done and over with it. Do not bring the past into the present and taint the moment. Similarly, do not bring the future and spoil this moment. Live this moment to its fullest. Then move on. Look away from the negative. See things positively. At times it might be necessary to look at the negative, hurtful events for their inner meanings, and knowing and learning from them we need to move on. When the need arises, we can make others aware of these, but it should not be the talk of the day, every day.

Do not carry a burden or baggage be it past Karma, guilt and hurt, knowledge, or wisdom. It shall pull us down further. Reach out to it when it is called for. Or point others to it to discover for themselves. This is what a genuine guru would do. He would not feed us but have us scout for food. 

Life is beautiful. Look at the blue skies. It shall bring you cheer. Gaze at the flowers, the butterflies, and the bees. It brings cheer to us. Take in the breeze that brushes across your face. You shall be energized. Take a dip in a stream or have a cold shower. You shall feel rejuvenated. Call up your grandchildren. They shall bring joy to you, with their sweet talk. 

If someone were to ask me why God showers his grace on us and not on them, I do not have an answer. We are all God's children. They too are extremely good, kind, compassionate souls but seem to go through much distraught, misery, and trouble. What can we answer when they ask, "Why Me?" The Siddhas would point out to Karma but I cannot possibly talk about that as the reason for their sufferings for I too am caught in the web of Karma. It would be akin to the pot calling the kettle black.

Take the hand of the divine. If not now eventually your prayers shall be heard. Every cloud has a silver lining. It is just that it is hidden and not visible now. These words are to comfort me too in times of trials and tribulations, for no one is spared. While we were attending a birthday party, my school-going granddaughter found herself admitted to the wards for presumably a mystery virus that caused her calf muscles to ache over three days. Upon her discharge, we headed for my brother-in-law's funeral in Ipoh. The next weekend while heading back to Kuala Lumpur we decided to drive through the hill resort and tea plantations on Cameron Highlands. Returning home I fell sick followed by the rest of the family. With so many things happening back to back we thought it could be food poisoning as we had eaten at numerous places making numerous pitstops or we could have caught the cold by getting wet in the rains in the highlands or sheer exhaustion from all the traveling. It was only when my daughter, who except for two days a week, worked from home, did a Covid self-test as was required by her office, before leaving for her office, that she discovered, she was positive. Taking the self-test, both my wife and I were positive. Though we are well, we are now under home quarantine.  

SEEING THROUGH MAYA

I guess the reason we keep coming back again is that we can only learn this much in a short span of time living out our lives, that is provided we are keen on taking up the lessons that experiences give us and mend our ways. Just as we learn something in a class and leave to come back to another standard or form and learn further and leave again to enter another class and learn more subjects or more about a particular subject, life thus goes on for us the same way.

When Agathiyar told me that we had known each other for crores of years I initially thought that I had taken that many births. Today I understand that the soul has known him all these years having come from the Param and living out a life as Jeeva or Jiva or individual soul taking up a role and the above said lessons and experiences adding spice to the divine play. 

There is nothing concrete in life it seems now. What we see as reality and real is fake and momentary. The play of Maya is seen in all things. It is only real if you choose to see it as such. It is the play of the Tatvas. The moment we let go of our hold on it, it dispels. The Tattvas is the wall between the Param and Jeeva. Bring the wall down and we are one with the Param. It is either transform into Param while alive or be transformed into dust as we learn the hard way when we come face to face with death. Hence the reason Tavayogi on our very first date out told me that I was living in Maya. But I did not understand then. It took me some twenty years to comprehend his words after Lord Shiva and Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal played a game that cleared the air and we saw through the mist and fog the truth of matter and settled in peace and silence, acknowledging and accepting, observing and watching. 

Maya's lure is too great to resist. We need to reach out to the Param. When the light dawns on us it is all clear as in a clear sky. The divine shall bring us within, away from Maya's reach, into his cocoon and mold us into his form and image. Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam, and Gnanam shall help bring us to this state of clarity. We have to take up the gross to understand the subtle. Take it up. But be prepared to leave these tools when called for so that we can exit that phase and move on to the next phase of understanding. 

It has truly been a lovely journey of realization. We are grateful to our Gurus and the Divine. 

IN MEMORY OF AMARAR SUNDARA ARUMUGAM

Facing death is a test of our faith. Facing suffering is a test of our faith. Facing an illness is a test of our faith too. Many are known to jump ship when they face these trying times. Our whole world seems to crumble in these moments. Even the saints and gurus go through trying times. But they stay strong. We too can remain strong holding the hands of our loved ones and the divine. All our prayers do pay off as Supramania Swami says that all our Tavam or austerities do not go to waste. When my brother-in-law passed away a couple of weeks ago, I could feel the energies envelop his home as he lay before us. The intensity of these energies was as strong as those that I had felt in the temples I visited. He was a staunch devotee of saint Raghavendra. He came to the path after watching the movie of this saint that was released in 1985. The movie changed his life dramatically. He has since then held on to the saint's feet. He envisioned and built the Mritiga Brindavanam in Ipoh for his beloved guru. 

He was my guru too, a guide in many ways. Clueless as to what profession to pursue after my higher secondary schooling, I followed in his path taking up engineering. He used to have us wake up in the early hours of 4am and sing the glory of the Goddess for he was a devotee of hers before coming to his guru. He built temples in places where he was stationed when he was in the Public Works Department, namely the Machamuneeswarar temple in Simpang Empat, Semanggol, and Sri Rajarajeswari temple in Menglembu, Ipoh. I had the honor of painting murals on the walls of these temples then. 

Looking into his past Agathiyar revealed that he was a Buddhist monk in Sri Lanka in a past birth. In this birth he was Sri Raghavendra's beloved son.

SIDDHA HEARTBEAT: WHERE DOES THE GURU RESIDE? (agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com)

SIDDHA HEARTBEAT: NADI READING NO 9 (agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com)

SIDDHA HEARTBEAT: In Service to Sri Raghavendra (agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com)

AWAKEN

When someone passes away, we read the usual obituary and announcement mentioning that "It is with deepest regret and sadness that we inform so and so has reached the Lord's feet (Siva Patham)". Now why would reaching the Lord's feet be a sad affair? Should not we rejoice, for the soul has reached the Lord's kingdom? Isn't that what we came for? This is also carried across when masters and gurus pass away. Did not they slog and work towards this achievement? Did not these masters teach their students to welcome and accept their demise with joy when the time comes? Did they not prepare their followers well ahead for the day? I consoled Supramania Swami's wife not to weep because Swami had told me he had seen the Jothi days before his passing. I rejoiced that he had reached the state for he had prepared me for the day, precisely noting the date and time of his departure in his diary and sharing it with me. Agathiyar tells us to face death boldly for it is but another journey into another frontier. Tavayogi's parting words to me from his hospital bed were that if in the event he did not return "alive" to his ashram, Mataji shall take charge of his ashram. He had relieved his responsibility of running the mission to his aid Mataji. He could leave in peace shedding his hold on the last piece of his work here. 

Dwelling on the subject of vegetarianism, what is truly vegetarian when the plants feed on the minerals from the soil in which animals and insects have decomposed and become food for these plants? What is truly vegetarian when the very water we drink comes from rivers where thrive fishes and other organisms? What is truly vegetarian when the air we breathe in harbors minute microbes? What is truly vegetarian when the blood that is given to us to save our lives comes from others? What is truly vegetarian when our body itself is a pack of meat? Becoming vegetarian is truly essential if you are looking towards transforming this body of meat into that of Light. Have you ever wondered what Ramalinga Adigal ate since his heart melted seeing the grains wither in the heat of the day? He is said to have eaten occasionally a morsel of food. He survived on the ambrosia that welled in him hence he could forego food.

Let us be realistic and not be fanatics. We have lost sight of our true purpose in coming here and taking after petty things. We have given importance to issues that are at skin level and not going within to matters of the Soul. I guess this is what Tavayogi mentioned telling me that I was living in Maya thinking that he was a saint and holy person seeing him draped in a saffron attire. He told me that he was a nobody and told me to hold on to Agathiyar instead who was residing within us. I am grateful to him to have blasted such ideologies, if I had ingrained them in me, on the very onset of our meeting.

I was saved by my gurus and Agathiyar. I am truly indebted to them.