MOVING AWAY & THEN WITHIN

The Siddhas are not teachers nor are there teachings. They show by practical means to the sole (soul) seeker who comes by, the way, the method, the practice, and the means. They are not known to assemble people or gather a large crowd in dispersing their well earn wisdom and divine knowledge or gnana. Having reached the zenith and summit, they do us a favor in bringing us to their abode. As Tavayogi says one should come on his own accord, this path is not for the masses.

If man seeks the Siddha teachings in institutions as in seeking academic knowledge, he will be disappointed. These places serve the sole purpose of bringing the knowledge of the past existence, lives, and nature of the Siddhas, to the masses. They bring the songs and literature of the Siddhas to their listeners. They teach yoga asanas and pranayama as adopted by the Siddhas. They hold Satsangs or discussions intended to open up our minds to things beyond our comprehension. That is as much as they can do. These institutions do not produce a Siddha. How many such institutions had made a Siddha of someone? On the contrary, a dwelling of a Siddha becomes an institution. People and dwellings mushroom around him. Temples are consecrated in his name. But the true master knows very well the dangers and moves away from being caught in the web that springs around him. As we learned in the documentary film "Samadhi - The Pathless Path", 

"Enlightenment is about letting go of all the practices done earlier. You must be willing to let go of the practice once it has served its purpose otherwise you will just create an identity around it and a new spiritual self-structure (that replaces our earlier self-structure.)" 

They shun publicity and fear the identity that people tag them with. Ramalinga Adigal never approved his followers calling him Swamigal. The Siddhas loved nature. They were one with it. Hence we understand why they chose to stay in the woods and jungles. I too was blessed to be brought into the jungles by Tavayogi who preferred that I had practical knowledge rather than academic knowledge about the ways of the Siddhas. Balamurugan in recounting his trip to Mount Kailash tells us that nature is the best tool to break one's ego. Faced with the magnanimous and majestic beauty of the mount, one is immediately humbled. We begin to realize how small we are before nature, he says. The towering mountains and trees, the huge boulders and rock, the vast streams and rivers, all energized and living move us to want to live too. Moves us to want to join them in their flow. Moves us to want to join in their dance of joy. Nature is forever joyous. The wind that brushes our faces forces us to inhale the fresh air that in turn erupts a chain of reaction in us as its energy and prana traverse throughout our body into every single cell bringing on a chillness that is all so mesmerizing. 

Learning the basics, a seeker turned sadhaka has to take the bull by the horn. He has to start worship of the Siddhas, recite the names of the Siddhas, recite the mantras, light the sacrificial fire, do libation to their statues, read up their ancient texts, etc. Then he moves on to find his "Self". If he does not move out he will end up serving the master till the master's end or his end. Or he might even envy the post left vacant by his master's demise. Or he might then decide to leave finding the beacon of bliss-light gone. 

A Malaysian whom I chanced to meet at Kallar ashram when I visited India with my family in 2013, vented his frustration to me. He had left in search of the Siddha teachings at 25 years of age. Having traveled and stayed at numerous ashrams he finally arrived at Tavayogi's Kallar ashram. He told me he had finally found his resting place. As he had nothing nice to say of the former institutions I figured it would only be a matter of time when he would leave Kallar too. True to my intuition I met him later in Malaysia. One's "Self" is not found in such institutions but found in silent contemplation. Man should learn to gather the tools and begin to toil on his own plot of land. Only then does he see the results of his hard effort. That plot of land is within him where no one can enter or trespass. That space is meant for his guru and him to sit in silence and enjoy the moments of bliss that erupts by "simply being in the presence of such a being".

It is said that Lord Dhakshanamurthi would answer all the questions put forth by the four disciples of his. This went on for years and there seemed no end to questions. Finally, the Lord chose to remain quiet. Seeing their guru sitting still the devotees simply fell into a state of meditation. The Mouna guru teaches in silence. Bhagawan Ramana is said to do this too. He had someone sit and face the wall for hours. It was meant to shed whatever questions, doubts, thoughts, opinions, views, perspectives, and other garbage, that he had carried all his life.

"Silence is the greatest teaching. The purest teaching. The purest teachings are transmitted in silence. One becomes equanimous with what is. Surrender to what is. Attentive to what is." In saying thus, the narrator of the documentary gives us an account of Buddha's life. 

"Rather than giving a long satsang or teaching with words, Buddha just let the students sit with a flower for the entire time. Only one student received the transmission. Only one student got it. To receive such a subtle transmission requires a subtle mind." 

In an article on the net, we read,

As an individual begins to be liberated from the influence of the mind-stuff, the divine attributes of the atman or self manifest in the very subtle sheath of bliss (Anandamaya kosha) that surrounds the soul (atman).

Here then arises the need for us to shift from the gross to the subtler. The Siddhas teach just that. Nay, they make it happen, pushing those who they believe they can work on and letting go of others to come around after they begin to fulfill their heart's desires and realize the futility of all their ventures in the material world.

When the transformation of that very subtle part of the being has been given fully to the divine, the individual becomes literally a beacon of bliss-light. Simply being in the presence of such a being is uplifting. Such an elevated individual is often acknowledged as a saint.

MOVING WITHIN

I was watching a wonderful documentary film "Samadhi - The Pathless Path". Here are some pearls from it. The movie made me accept that whatever is currently taking place before our eyes needs to happen in order for a new order to arise. The narrator enlightens us.

Carl Jung said, "To touch heaven one's roots must reach into hell",  out of the furnace of Babylon comes transformation, transfiguration and new human potential. The Eastern traditions say that the lotus of awakening grows out of the mud of samskara, out of suffering.  What you see around you right now may seem like darkness, it may seem like madness. Actually this is what awakening looks like on planet earth. What we are witnessing is a release of the old paradigm. You are witnessing the dismantling of old patterns. The collective samskaras or conditioned pattern which creates the conditions of maya. Many people are disillusioned with the current political, social, economic and religious systems. This dispelling of illusion is a necesary part of seeing the truth. 

When we follow the movie we understand better and can relate to the happenings around us. Maybe this is the reason for many past civilizations to disappear too, wiped from the face of the earth, giving way to newer worlds and views just as when things are beyond repair it has to be ditched or thrown away. Prapanjam includes and transcends all of creation. Where is our place in it? We are reminded that we are an interface with the world around us. In Agathiyar's 5 tenets given to humanity, man who stood the tallest among God's creations was supposed to help elevate the rest of creation. Instead, look at what we have brought onto us and the rest of God's creation? We were once merged in oneness with the creation when we were a baby in our mother's womb. "Then we grew. We created a character" and at times became a monster. What happened to that sweet little thing, that divine child that we were once? Time then comes along and brings humanity out of the old pattern through a paradigm shift in the patterns. Time deals directly in correcting man's mistakes relieving him of the power granted to him. This dismantling mentioned in the movie is something fearful. The ideal stand we take then would be not to suffer when the world of form changes. "It may seem that all is lost but it is merely a part of the process. Those awakenings will be seen as a threat." Indeed Ramalinga Adigal, Bharathi, Periyaar, and others were seen as a threat too. 

Going by the movie, it is interesting to relate to and realize that in getting to expand our energy or Sakthi as in carrying out Sariyai and Kriyai that amounts to going on pilgrimages, doing rituals and puja, carrying out charity, etc they had led us on the Sakthi path. Today in asking us to go within they lead us to the Shiva path, which comprises of non-involvement, remaining silent and indifferent to the world, only tending to the thought that arises and eventually subsides. This is how both Sakthi and Shiva are depicted to us too in all the numerous paintings.

Meditation has to be spontaneous said Swami Muktananda. In this movie too we are told that "The ego, the you that you think you are must necessarily fail in all attempts to meditate for the meditation to come about. To meditate is to burn up the conditioned self." The ego has conditioned me for some 60 years now and many births. It is time to unwind the knots and tangles, to melt the heart of stone, to cleanse the inner self, to rid the garbage of thoughts I carry, and to face the karma squarely that stands before us waiting to deliver in our timeline. Sitting around and waiting for the mud to settle doesn't happen overnight but we can decide immediately whether to engage in it or postpone the task. To free or purify samskaras and karma or all previous programming takes time. "The misidentification process is called purification or clearing." Agathiyar told me to disengage and disidentify with the pain in my lower back. "Being here in the now as well as surrendering to what is there we continue to unbind the karmic knots that create identification with our avatar. We become the breath. We become the yoga posture. We become the chant." Indeed finally we become the words that flow as I pen and as you read this post. When we become lost in what we do that is spontaneous meditation. 

"To meditate is to drop your patterns, your preferences, karma, and to drop the fight. This is the only fight that you win by giving up, by surrendering." 

We now understand why Lord Muruga asked us numerous times if we had surrendered? "Some like dry wood need just a spark to light up." I guess they had done most of their work in a past life. "Others require more preparation as in wet wood that needs some time to dry out before they ignite. They need teachings, practices to loosen the bonds of the self structure to become free of samskaras."

Going into samadhi burns the karma further. "It prepares the vessel for the awakening of one's true nature which is realized through non-doing or cessation of mind activity." Samadhi is defined beautifully. "Samadhi is less doing and less technique." We are glad that Agathiyar monitored our progress and had us drop both the doing and the technique. The technique, charity, and rituals are "all part of the past now." "We dropped the doing and the doer. We dropped the seeking and the seeker to arrive at the unconditioned present. The techniques were a stepping stone. We don't want to abandon the technique, and nor do we want to cling to it." We understand fully now why Agathiyar had us drop Sariyai and Kriyai and move into Yoga.  "Yoga is a cessation of the whirlpool that is the mind. Cessation of karma. Cessation of deep unconscious patterns or vrittis that govern one's life. The idea is to remain none reactive to anything that is appearing within the field of change."

"Mind is like a pond and thoughts are like waves causing ripples on its surface. Anything you do will stir up more waves. The pond only comes to stillness when you let go of all effort all striving. All movement. Adopting a don't know mind, a not-knowing mind is the gateway to samadhi."

Hence I understood fully why I had to go into hibernation for 14 years in the past, dropping all my home puja to deities and visits to temples. Dropping all my readings of religious literature and Satsang with colleagues. Recently I was made to drop all the puja and rituals I picked up and even yoga except for certain practices that would bring us to the next phase of going within. "Practices and techniques are like stepping stones. You will remain in the pattern as a robotic repetitive state." Hence we understand why Agathiyar made us drop them when we came to a certain state of competency.  

"Be still without hope because hope would be based on some idea and would be keeping the energy flowing into the conditioned mind. Having hope brings projections into the future" and with it comes frustrations or disappointments if it does not materialize. "Accepting that we don't know even what to hope for" is the answer to beat frustration at not achieving it later. The guru brings you to the state of humbleness. In humbleness, the mud settles and the lotus emerges. 

"We become free of samskaras by having a complete experience by burning in it." Incomplete experiences induce us to take another birth to see through our desires. Hence we understand why Tavayogi told us not to force others to come to the path. They need to live out their desires and gain the much-needed experiences. Agathiyar who spelled out my karma in my first Nadi reading, telling me that I had flawed in the past and hence taken the present birth carrying with it karma that had yet to be let off and pardoned, came again in my second reading some three years later and told me that all the experiences were given to me as I needed to learn from them. He most graciously pardoned me and humbly added that it was his doing too.  

Those who never turned to look our way or came for a brief time into the path and left seeking what seemingly looks like greener but in reality are fleeting moments of pleasure, are best left alone says Tavayogi. "If we turn away from experiences that are too painful a conditioning or programming takes place where memory imprints are stored in us." The narrator of the movie relates this to leaving an app open on our phones draining our energy. It is best we put it to rest by satisfying the desire or urge. 

It is said that the path of liberation is not about feeling better but about getting better at feeling." Now I understand how the senses that become enhanced make for better absorption of the sights, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. 

I was annoyed how could Agathiyar brush aside the back pain that was killing me for some 3 years. When Ramalinga Adigal too told me to stomach the noise and din in my neighborhood for that shall grant me Gnana, I was again puzzled. I understand now that "Enlightenment is in facing one's greatest pain." 

Fear arises not from the external and the known but in going within into unknown territories. I understood why I had several bouts of fear as I sat alone in solitude. Fear arises in letting go the existing fear arises in facing dead silence. I understand now that "Enlightenment is facing one's greatest fears." 

They broke all the earlier concepts I had built upon with newer thoughts and learnings that arose from newer experiences. I understand now that "Enlightenment is of dropping concepts."

All the reading I picked up was replaced with direct transmission of knowledge from them. I understand now that "Enlightenment is letting go of all our previous knowing." 

They are teaching us to be neutral and unbias. I understand now that "Enlightenment is of dropping the judgments of good or bad."

And finally, I understand that "Enlightenment is about letting go of all the practices done earlier. You must be willing to let go of the practice once it has served its purpose otherwise you will just create an identity around it and a new spiritual self-structure (that replaces our earlier self-structure.)" 

How very true this statement has come to be for us. We see this happen way too often and we are glad that Agathiyar through Tavayogi trashed our hold on things and practices, beliefs and ideas, opinions and thoughts of the many things held in high regard in the religious and spiritual circles and helped bury them. Agathiyar on his part dissolved the assembly associated with AVM and the Siddha puja and ritual; and Amudha Surabhi and charity. If left standing we too would have geared towards creating an identity like others too. 

In doing these thus they are "purifying the human vessel to house divine consciousness." Jnana is said to refer to "to burn it". "It is the burning of defilements of sin or samskaras. It is burning up of identification with the false self. It is burning up the delusion. It is burning up of all preferences out of which the ego construct is made and a release and coming forth of inner energy."

"Silence is the greatest teaching. The purest teaching. The purest teachings are transmitted in silence. One becomes equanimous with what is. Surrender to what is. Attentive to what is." In saying thus the narrator gives an account of Buddha's life. 

"Rather than giving a long satsang or teaching with words, Buddha just let the students sit with a flower for the entire time. Only one student received the transmission. Only one student got it. To receive such a subtle transmission requires a subtle mind." Here the need for us to shift from the gross to the subtler arises. The Siddhas teach just that.

KARMA 2

Dr. VN Jayapalan in his meditation was told about the origin of Agathiyar's temple at Agasthiyampalli. He released an audio Cd of it subsequently. Suren who dropped in on him at his Ashram in Bangalore brought me a copy. This temple is said to be built by the king of the Kubera Naadu who was relieved of his karma which took a form and stood before him as he repeated Agathiyar's name. The irony is that when an old man approached him earlier at his palace and offered to feed him in times of famine, he sent him away. Later his subjects rushed to this man who had pitched a shed on the edge of the king's kingdom and was seen to worship a Muni whom they came to know later was Agathiyar. But the famine drove the king too to him eventually and he was relieved of his karma. This king build the very first temple for Agathiyar in this Kali-yuga we are told.

We are told that when we are ready the guru arrives. The Atma that is veiled draws the curtain and shows itself once an awareness comes within us that we are not in charge of our lives. The "I" that reigned over us and conducted us accordingly, has to surrender to the divine forces. The veil is then drawn aside and we get to know our Atma. The Atma works on removing our karma showing us the means and the way. Karma has to give way to the guru. The Paramatma that took residence in us as the Atma shows us to our guru in the physical form. The guru in turn shows us the Atma. It is as if the guru shows the deity and the deity later shows us to the guru. The Atma in us does the preparatory work to receive the guru. The Atma sets us on a course to know the Paramatma later. 

As long as we are engaged with the world we shall never know the Atma. To know the Atma one has to go within. Hence the reason Agathiyar had us stop all forms of Sariyai and Kriyai. He had us stop puja and charity telling us that others shall come by to continue it. He wanted us to let go of all our activities and go within. Hence I was disturbed and felt helpless when the recent floods hit the homes of many including friends and relatives. I called them though to enquire and keep tabs on the situation. I was in a dilemma. We had served the unfortunate for many years beginning in 2013 till Agathiyar brought an end to it in 2019. We know their pain. When news of close ones and friends tested positive for Covid reached my ears I could not even bring myself to pray for them. When friends called me to pray for their close ones on the brink of death I could not either. This surprised me too since I had advocated the need to pray especially in groups to bring a solution to members' problems in the past. That too stopped when I had stopped asking of the divine long ago. I understood all was his play. I did not want to intervene. I had begun to accept everything that came my way. I encouraged others to accept too. Knowing this even the deity Karupanasamy in speaking to my family complimented me that I was abiding in the words of Agathiyar strictly. If Agathiyar imprisoned me beginning in September of 2019 asking me to go within, Ramalinga Adigal came along and stressed again the need to go within recently. They kept giving reminders.

In going within we encounter our Atma. The Atma reveals our karma. If remedies are meted out in the Nadi to displace it, going on pilgrimages and conducting rituals help soften its effects. In weeping and sobbing it is further diluted by the tears we shed. In reflecting on our karma and when we atone for our mistakes the remaining portion of it is dispersed. Then an emptiness enters us. Silence sets in. In confronting this silence fear sets in. It is frightening believe me. I have had bouts of fear for no reason come over me in the past. It lingers for some time. There is nothing I can do in these moments but to watch restlessly. Writer Balakumaran says in an interview that it is only when we face death that we see our true Self, stripped off the name, academic qualification, career, and position, and we ask ourselves who we are? In moments when what is seen during death is seen while alive, shivers run down the spine,  and fear of death sets in adds Balakumaran Aiya. We come face to face with the Self. When one sees within, it is like watching death. When everything has subsided what is left is dead silence. It is frightening. But then the Siddhas want us to get on with it. They want us to meet our Atma in these moments of silence.

KARMA 1

Just as a bear hibernates when it finds the cold weather set in and food is lacking, several householders in the homes that were served packed food in the past under our charity arm Amudha Surabhi told us that when there is no food they put their children and grandchildren to sleep early, however painful it might be, skipping the need to having to feed them. We were shocked. Then we began to realize that we are blessed if we have food on our table. We saw several others sick and bedridden on our rounds. It made us realize that the greatest gift is that of good health. Then we came across broken families and the stories of turmoil in their homes. This made us realize that it is a blessing to have peace of mind. Blessed are those who have all three. The rest can be earned. 

It hurt me to see my friends and relatives suffer in the past. I was then in my twenties and did not understand why it had to happen. I asked myself why should the very deity they worshipped cause them so much suffering. I could not comprehend nor understand the maths in it. The many spiritual books I read and the many religious talks I heard from visiting holy men who appeared in the temples I frequented, portrayed the divine as being the most compassionate. But it was not happening before me. The reverse was taking place. It looked like God was punishing them, even the closest of his children. Though so many questions cropped up I carried on with my daily worship of the deities in my bachelor home. But soon these questions began to suffocate me. That is when Lord Shiva came to my rescue. He came in a dream and told me to drop all the questions I had for a later time. I did just that. I even stopped all forms of worship be it at home or in the temples. I stopped reading too. 

It was a period of hibernation. Without realizing 14 years went by before Agathiyar knocked on my door through my nephew. My nephew was assigned by his Paramaguru Gopal Pillai to deliver the message from Agathiyar to me. Though my nephew did not reveal the source then, I only came to know many years on when he spoke about that mysterious happening that Saturday afternoon in 2001. I was given the Vasudeva mantra to recite that day, and a painting of Lord Dhakshanmurti to worship several days later. Hence I began the chant and the worship immediately. A new chapter in my life began to unfold. A year later I read the Nadi. Agathiyar spoke to me in the Nadi. He asked me to come to his path. I took up the calling. In revealing my past Agathiyar drew the curtain aside and made me realize that there was such a thing as karma and that our birth and present life was a result of it. I began to dwell further into the subject. I understood why my friends and relatives suffered back then. All my questions were answered. With the coming of Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal as my guru, I began to understand more whenever I sat in his presence as he addressed the many seekers who came with problems. Tavayogi would spell out the reason for all our sufferings as due to our karma to all those who sought to know why they suffered. If they wanted a solution, he would neither advise nor turn to treat them but point them to the Siddhas and their Nadi. He would advocate the worship of the Siddhas and ask them to come to the path. He would never dish out solutions, remedies, or treat and heal others. In later years Tavayogi told me not to touch on others' karma. When I had many seekers shown to my place, some asked me that as they were already worshipping the Siddhas, why hasn't their fate changed for the better? That shook the very basement and foundation of all the promises that I had dished out following in the footsteps of Tavayogi. This brought me to square one knocking me off my seat. And I thought I had understood the workings of karma!

Recently coming to us after his demise, Tavayogi said the same and asked to let it be when I asked him to bring others to the path too. He said, "No, they should come voluntarily." He went on to explain that many Atma came to live out their desires. Hence it would be wrong to intervene. Let them exhaust their worldly desires and after seeking these pleasures they will come to realize the futileness of hanging on to these seemingly fleeting desires and turn their sight on something that is lasting. He defines the former being Sitrinbam and the latter being Perinbam. He added that if the desires are not exhausted by experiencing them they shall come back to haunt them following them as a shadow does. They shall need to live it later or come back to settle it in another birth. He answered my doubt and that of many as to why the Siddhas who are known to turn one's fate around never touch the lives of others. I guess they want to see them live through these sufferings and make an early exit from hell and come to them eventually. But how do we tell them this right in their face? How can we ask them to bear the sorrow and pain much longer? 

Tavayogi told me that life has to be lived and not understood as we shall never understand the maths behind it. The many revelations that I came across in 2011 in Velayudham Karthigeyan Aiya's blog, Siththan Arul that Agathiyar shared with the Nadi reader the late Hanumathdasan Aiya, was indeed an eye-opener. It was a portal to the other world, the world of causes, that engaged us in awe to the many seemingly mystical or the suksma or subtle aspects of present-day events and happenings. In short, we can never comprehend the play. Neither do we have the insight to look beyond the past, present, and future. Just as Kunjali Marakkar in the film "Marakkar" mistakes Anandan as having killed Chinnali from the spot he stood and watched, our perspective of things is limited by our vision, the light source, the angle, and venue we look from. Only the Siddhas see through the play.

PRACTICAL LESSONS ON THE SIDDHA PATH

When I was called to come to the worship of the Siddhas in 2002, I took it up immediately. Agathiyar had me shown the worship by having me perform a simple puja called Nadikku Dhanam. It was a means to say thank you to the custodians of the Nadi, the Siddhas who had taken the trouble to record my life story, or rather the many lives this "Atma" had taken since the beginning. Only one birth was mentioned then, that of a Namboothiri priest in Kerala in the past. Later in my daughter's Nadi reading, it was mentioned that I was with her and my present wife making a living selling fruit in the temple grounds at Papanasam, Tamil Nadu. 

The Nadi reader Sentilkumar led me on this puja that included making offerings to the Nadi and its author the Siddhas besides reciting the long list of names of the Siddhas. As I did not know anything further about them, I began to explore the Siddhas. The first place that came to my mind was the Agathiyar Sanmarga Sangam, in Dengkil, a local affiliate of the main center in Turaiyur, Tamil Nadu. I made friends with Anbarasan, Manivannan, and Jayanthi Ma who briefed me on the many activities of their movement both here and at their main center. I received much literature and bought VCD's of talks of their patron guru Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar. All this information was refreshing but incomprehensible then. I was impressed by the Siddhas and included a visit to Turaiyur in my itinerary. I made my maiden pilgrimage to India the following year. It was basically a visit to the numerous temples listed by Agathiyar to perform my remedies or parikaram.

When I had my first Nadi reading, the Nadi reader had passed me a leaflet from a Thaiveedu Thangarasan M.A. who was sourcing funds to build a temple for Agathiyar in Kallar. I had kept it with me. In 2005, I "chanced" or was it fated to read an advertisement that appeared daily in the Tamil daily. It was regarding the officiating of a Agathiyar Gnana Peedham, a branch of the main in Kallar, at Batu Caves by Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal. Does this ring a bell? It did for me. I looked through my store and collections of cuttings for the leaflet I had received in 2002. I called up the contact number placed in the advert and made arrangements to meet Tavayogi. I met him. Thus started a wonderful journey with Tavayogi on the path of the Siddhas. Then Agathiyar told me the reason he had me travel to India immediately on the heels of Tavayogi a month after he left for India. I was to learn about him from Tavayogi. Tavayogi gave me practical lessons on the path of the Siddhas by bringing me to the many hot spots of the Siddhas and literally hotspot me to their data. I saw the life he lived. I lived his life to a certain extent in the few days I spent with him. I came back enriched. 

I continued my worship of Agathiyar and the Siddhas that was shown by the Nadi reader Sentilkumar. Tavayogi had me begin lighting the Homam, a smaller scale of the Yagna or Yagam in my home. Agathiyar threw in the ritual of conducting libation or abhisegam to him when he came as a bronze statue commissioned by him in my Nadi in 2010. Agathiyar sent many seekers to my home after that. My home became Agathiyar Vanam or Agathiyar's Garden. Agathiyar continued to guide me through the Nadi while I picked up many things from Tavayogi during his subsequent visits to Malaysia in 2007, 2008, 2010, and 2016.

Today after the demise of both my gurus in physical form, Supramania Swami and Tavayogi, Agathiyar, Ramalinga Adigal, Bhogar, Dhanvantrhri, Lord Shiva, Lord Muruga and Godess Ambigai come through others and lead us on. Karupanasamy and Ma Kali too to make their appearances to pay homage to Agathiyar. Supramania Swami and his guru Yogi Ramsuratkumar and Tavayogi came to guide us further too. 

And all this started with having faith in their words; having faith in the Nadi, an instrument of communication between the Siddhas and mankind, and taking up the call to come to their worship. They dealt with the rest. They knew what we deserved without us asking for it. For what would you ask for? Having no previous knowledge about the path, what could you possibly ask for? They had us do puja and rituals, charity and dharma, asana and pranayama, calling us to place concerted efforts and calling for us to have the discipline to see through these practices. All they asked for was our time, which ironically is the time awarded and gifted by them to us to live the life we wanted. They wanted us to divert some time from our daily chores and the unending wants and desires of ours, to do their thing, their tasks, and fulfill their purposes. How many dare to part their time for them? We did, and we saw results. Soon Agathiyar brought us out of these stages of Sariyai, Kriyai, and Yogam and had us sit in silence in Gnanam contemplating now on our thoughts, the deeds, and equally the sins we did. In sitting alone, we came face to face with our Selves. It was frightening to face the silence. It echoed deep within us. Likewise, it was horrible and shameful to face our karma that began to show up. Furthermore, it was tedious to curb or drown the continuous surge and onslaught of our thoughts coming to the fore. We resolved to let it be. In watching them the thoughts shall die a natural dead provided we do not give life to it and move into action. The past karma that comes to haunt us as in suffering, misery, illness, and diseases now is burnt to ash by the thought and reflection on it and in repenting and regretting our actions. 

In promising us that our karma shall be resolved by going on pilgrimages, having us endure treacherous routes and jungle tracks, and climbing up to those mountain tops which itself should tire and exhaust us besides exhausting our karma. Soon they get us to do the Siddha puja and rituals like lighting the homam in our homes, which helps burn further our karma as we sacrifice them in the fire. The puja done shall reduce our karma by invoking the blessings of the divine. When the divine light comes within, the karma that is the darkness in us shall be driven away. In getting us to do charity when we relieve the suffering of others, our karma changes for the better, taking on these merits and dissolving the ill effects of our past actions. Finally, in having us drop all the above and sit alone in retrospection of our past, as the tears stream down our cheeks when we recollect the past deeds and pain and harm we caused to others, the final remaining karma is washed away. We become a clean slate or a clean sheet of paper. In the event, we pass on there shall be no screening of our show before us as we had destroyed our life's movie. The movie is only screened before us if we had not learned our lesson and regretted our actions while living, if we had no time to reflect on our actions and keep doing them repetitively. Tavayogi told me even our past births shall arise before us in these moments of silent contemplation. The karma in these births too shall be exhausted by the realization of the Atma and regretting our actions. Lord Murugan in coming to claim Arunagiri's Atma, consoles him that just as a murder of crows disperses the moment a stone is thrown at them, similarly our karma is dissolved the very moment we regret our actions. He brings Arunagiri to sit in silence. In that moment of silence that stretches for 12 years, his body transforms, shedding any signs of leprosy that he had. His body, life, and soul are renewed. He becomes a saint.

Today as I face noises, smells, irritations, and disturbances from my neighbors that intrude into the private space that I had created sitting alone with Agathiyar, I guess what is left of my karma is taking shape and confronting me this way. I guess I have to submit and surrender to them and live it out without taking any action. Just as all good things do not last, these too shall end someday. 

It is truly wonderful to observe how the Siddhas have been faithful to us in return for our faith in them. First, they called us in for a Nadi reading to expose our karma, the seed that leads to all our miseries and sufferings, obstacles and delays, etc. They educate us on the extent and power of karma. They get us to nullify its effects by engaging us in charity and doing good deeds etc. Furthermore, they get us to do parikaram and remedies that shall build faith further. Once the ground is rid of the weeds, and toiled by our efforts, and fertilized with teachings of Nanneri or good virtues, then they sow their seed within us, provided we become aware and care for it. This seed shall grow into a tree that shall give shade to many others later. This is the tree of Siddhahood.

TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THE TRANSFORMATION

Is the Annamaya kosa related to the earth element? Certainly, it derives its existence and sustenance from the food we take from the earth. Is the Manomaya kosa of the water element as it is continually flowing as do our thoughts? Is the Pranayama kosa of the air element giving life to an otherwise corpse? Is the Vignanamaya kosa an element of fire as it gives us the wisdom and arivu to negate and burn the impurities that our thoughts carry? Finally is the Anandhamaya kosa the element of sky or Prapanjam that is forever in a state of bliss?

Could we be in the Annamaya kosa savoring the food we take in? Could we be in Manomaya kosa thinking of solutions? Could we have touched the Pranamaya kosa when the breath traverses within chilling the very core and bringing untold joy within? Could it be that we experience the Vignanamaya kosa as the words of wisdom come within as in torrential rain? Could one be experiencing the Anandamaya kosa when bliss traverses within in singing the praise of the Lord? Are we already experiencing each kosa in our daily lives? 

Are we continually strengthening each sheath by getting addicted to our habits as in the lower kosas or enhancing the higher kosas with practice and tapas? Does this make the sheath grosser in nature in the latter? Are we to transform these kosas that are gross in nature, made of the 5 primary elements respectively, to a purer state? Are we supposed to reverse its nature bringing it to a finer and purer state? Is this what the saints did?

Man has looked up towards the skies for ages forgetting that he is divine in nature. He only needs to come to this realization and work on reversing his current state of affairs to be accepted into their fold i.e tune to the nature of the divine. The guru comes to tune us as the technician precisely tunes the strings in the piano that is out of tune. Similarly, time and again Agathiyar tells us that our 3 dosas are out of tune too ie are not in the proportion they are meant to be to maintain good health. Once this proportion goes haywire due to our carelessness or overindulgence in a particular food etc, our health deteriorates and we invite illness. Agathiyar says that even the 5 elements taken from both parents in a specified ratio if they do not conform to it lead to deformities in the newborn. The arrogant man who thinks he is in charge of his life surely is at the mercy of the divine in this area.

Ramalinga Adigal was the latest sage to bring on a complete transformation of his Self into a divine being where the divine came to tune him into a vessel for Arutperunjothi Aandavar to walk the earth. Swami Saravanananda in his "Blissful Life of God-Man", excerpts of which are posted at https://www.vallalarspace.com/Saravanaananda/Articles/85 says,

God Supreme of infinite Grace is ever One and one only, And He alone is working through all souls in all places at all times. So, He exposed from within the soul of Ramalinga Swamigal,.. 

From the above, we understand that the guru or divine only brings out the already inherent buddha or divinity in us by removing the veils. This was conveyed by Agathiyar too in his short memo to us recently. 

ஆன்மா உடலையும் உயிரையும் தனது கட்டுப்பாட்டுக்குள் வைத்துக் கொள்ளும் ஒரு சூச்சமம். இந்தச் சூச்சமத்தை பிறந்த குழந்தைகள் 1  முதல் 5 வராகை வரையிலும் உடன் இருந்து மறையும். மறைத்தலின் காரணம் இன்னதென்று இப்போது உனக்குச் சொல்ல இயலாது. ஆனபோதிலும் ஆன்ம ஒருவரின் செயலைப் பொறுத்தே மீண்டும் அவனை வந்து சேரும். ஆன்மா உன்னோடு இருந்து உன்னை ஒரு பாதைக்கு இழுத்து செல்லும் அப்போது நீ அதனை உணர்ந்தாள், உன்னில் அதிர்வாய் தோன்றி மறையும். அந்த அதிர்வினை நீ உனக்குள் நீடிக்கப் பழகினால் உன்னால் ஆன்மா என்னும் உனது அதிர்வுகளில் ஊடுருவி என்னுள் (இறை / அகத்தியன்) வந்து சேர ஒரு வழி. 

Swami Saravanananda says,

But because of our unripeness and worldly attachments, we are not turning inwardly to make our life anew. Most of the people are all running after sensuous life of deluded enjoyments and pleasures.

Indeed the pull of all sensuous things is so great that it is a battle to detach from its grasp. But the truth is that we are rather helpless because we have dormant vasanas that have not been exhausted and that we carried on into this life. These vasanas are our previous desires that did not see the light of the day then and we had carried into this birth. The world to us now appears as an attractive bed to sow the seeds and fulfill our desires. If until now I was trying to bring many to the path, it ended in frustration. Tavayogi finally tells me to "Let it be." They shall need to live out their karma or the baggage of all desires they carry with them. If we were to disturb the cause of the divine and natural law, they would have to come again to exhaust these desires. Osho says it beautifully when he asks us to exhaust all our desires. 

Swami Saravananda writes, "In our life from the sensuous plane, we were unable to get a true Blissful life of permanency. Such a permanent Divine Blessed life is to be lived from the Soul abode only." It is very timely that Agathiyar wants us to know about the soul or Atma now. Each time Agathiyar comes he says that he only sees our Atma and addresses it. But while he talks about Gnana and Atma Vidutalai or the release of the Soul, we come to him for petty things in life. But the most compassionate father comes down t our level to give solutions too.

In his piece posted at https://arutperunjothiagaval.blogspot.com/2008/02/introduction-to-arutperunjothi-agaval.html, Swami Saravananda writes, 

"His (Man's) intellectual faculty constitutes the middle plane from where he can either look down at the material/physical world or look up in wonderment at the spiritual plane. When he looks up, he comprehends, though partially, truths about spirit, soul, and God." 

If according to  Swami Saravananda the "intellectual faculty constitutes the middle plane from where he can either look down at the material/physical world or look up in wonderment at the spiritual plane" then it is apt that the Vignanamaya kosa that gives us the arivu or wisdom to differentiate, shall guide our thoughts that keep arising continuously towards higher thoughts and regions finally bringing us to the plane of bliss or the Anandamaya kosa. 

ARUTPERUNJOTHI 2

What is with this mantra Arutperunjothi that we are asked to chant it ever so often? What is the "Agaval" that Ramalinga Adigal composed that spans some 1596 lines? We come to understand that the saint documented his spiritual journey in these songs that came to be compiled as the "TiruArutpa" and in other writings of his too. 

Swami Saravanananda has given a  beautiful  English rendering of the original in Tamil of Ramalinga  Adigal's "Arutperunjhoti  Agaval", published by the  Ramalinga  Mission, Madras. He reveals the inner meaning of the Arutpa. (All definitions of words are from Oxford Languages)

1‐12,  Deals with the attributes of the effulgence (jothi).  

13‐26,  Deals with the various boons conferred on  Ramalingam:  

• zeal or great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or an objective,
• discernment or the ability to judge well,
• radiant body,  
• prosperity,
• liberated from countless births,
• freed from religious bigotry,
• removed doubt and misconception,
• freed from the clutches of religious scriptures, and
• made him pure.  

27‐56,  Deals with the various voids or spaces or spiritual planes which a soul has to pass through before attaining godhead.  

57‐110,  He brings the truth that the various voids are not external to our being and can be realized within ourselves. I guess this is what he sings about in his song "ஆணிப்பொன்னம்பலக் காட்சி" too.

111‐336,  Deals with the attributes of the effulgence  (jothi) that abides in the inmost void. Whenever he comes and initiates us, something happens within that is beyond our senses and control. It seems like he is working on another sheath of our body. For our thoughts go on, we are witness to everything external, but something else is moving within too that is initiated by them. Could he be working on the Anandamaya Kosa?

337‐366,  Praises to the effulgence  (jothi)  as the source of all elements.  Ramalingam now a  primordial being is provided with penetrating radiant vision to pry into the secrets and mysteries of nature.  Thus equipped he beholds the evolution of the universe in all its aspects all of which are recorded in these verses.  

337‐402,  Deals with the various aspects of the nature of the earth.  

403‐430,  Deals with the various aspects of the nature of the water.  

431‐460,  Deals with the various aspects of the nature of the fire. 

461‐492,  Deals with the various aspects of the nature of the air. 

493‐512,  Deals with the various aspects of the nature of space.  

513‐544,  Deals with the process of the creation of the human body,  the acme of the entire evolutionary process.  Ramalingam describes how each and every organ and its system is evolved and placed in the human frame;  provides a step-by-step process of the evolution of the human body.  

545‐554,  Deals with how space yields the other elements.  

555‐580,  Deals with the various partial spaces or voids.  

581‐620,  Deals with the various forces that activate the universe and the human body.  

621‐628,  Deals with creation from the One.  

629‐646,  Deals with the seed.  

647‐682,  Deals with the dual or polar nature of manifestation.  

683‐690,  Deals with the tattvas and the primordial elements.  

691‐702,  Deals with the modes of the birth of organisms.  

703‐716,  Deals with the male and female characteristics of the human being.  

717‐782,  Deals with the protection and sustenance of organisms. 

783‐812,  Deals with the repression and control of all impure tendencies by the effulgence.  

813‐832,  Deals with the various kinds of curtains or veils that surround the soul and prevent it from having a clear vision of the great effulgence. With the removal of the last screen, the self stands face to face with the resplendence merging in the effulgence to become part and parcel of it and perform all the functions of the effulgence to make other-selves realize the same level.  

833‐852,  Deals with the removal of the screens one after another as and when the entity rises up from one plane of consciousness to the next higher plane. By thus removing the veils the effulgence enlightens the beings of human and celestial origin and also deities high above the celestial origin.  

853‐874,  Narrates how the effulgence pervades through all the functions of the dynamic powers.  

875‐880,  Deals with the uniqueness of the supreme beings.  

881‐920,  Deals with the omnipresent aspect of the effulgence.  

921‐930,  Deals with the cosmic self which manifests everywhere.  

931‐940,  Deals further with the attributes of the effulgence.  

941‐976,  Deals further with the cosmic self.  

977‐1018,  Deals with the manifold manifestations and activities of compassion. 

1019‐1038,  Deals with the boons that are bestowed on Ramalingam.  

1039‐1070, The narration of how the effulgence as the guru has taught Ramalingam all the knowledge and wisdom.  

1071‐1114,  Deals with the motherly aspect of the effulgence.  

1115‐1164,  Deals with the paternal aspect of the effulgence.  

1165‐1176,  Deals with the attributes of the companionship of the effulgence.  

1177‐1192,  Deals with the friendly attitude of the effulgence.  

1193‐1200,  Deals with the attributes of the kinship of the effulgence.  

1201‐1213,  Deals with the eternal (sat) aspect of the effulgence.  

1214‐1238,  Deals with the knowledge (chit) aspect of the effulgence. 

1239‐1254,  Deals with the blissful (ananda) aspect of the effulgence.  

1255‐1290,  Deals with the attributes of the effulgence further.  

1291‐1310,  Deals with the wish-fulfilling attribute of the effulgence.  This I am beginning to see in simple things in life that he brings to fulfill the moment the thought arises, as in my wish to go to Kallar, See my mother, and even a tiny wish to anoint the chandana on my forehead.

1311‐1320, Deals with the gem,  the mantra, and the medicine which confers everlasting siddhis.  

1321‐1336,  Deals with the ambrosial effect of the effulgence.  

1337‐1366,  Deals with the sterling qualities of the effulgence.  

1367‐1380,  Deals with the munificence of the effulgence.  

1381‐1386,  Deals with the effulgence of a mountain with divine attributes. 

1387‐1448,  Deals  with  the  effulgence  of  the  sea  and  its  shores  with  divine attributes.  

1449‐1494,  Deals with the changes that take place when the divine descends  on the  human frame. This is the most esoteric and sublimest part of this work.  

1495‐1510,  Deals  with  the  intense  love  that  transmutes  itself  into  light  becoming  the guiding factor of all souls.  

1511‐1518,  The light is compared to that of the full moon.  

1519‐1528,  Deals with the effulgence of rain that removes all dross  from the heart  and mind.  

1529‐1538, Deals  with  the  effulgence  of  the  sun  that  removes  the  darkness  of  ignorance.  

1539‐1548,  Deals with the brilliance of the effulgence of the sun.  

1549‐1554,  Deals with the glow of the flame of the effulgence.  

1555‐1596,  Sums  up  all  the  boons  that  Ramalingam  received  through  the  grace  of  the effulgence. Ramalingam offers his thanks. 

ARUTPERUNJOTHI 1

Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar said that when everyone else celebrates the Jayanthi of their respective gurus, Tavayogi decided to celebrate the Jayanthi of Agathiyar. If he had wanted he could have celebrated Chitramuthu Adigal's Jayanthi. But right from the beginning, he had shown us to Agathiyar as the Moolam or source and stood backstage. Yesterday many temples associated with Agathiyar conducted his Guru Puja including Kallar Ashram. We at AVM too, like others who followed suit, had carried the puja to coincide with the timing at Kallar for many years after Tavayogi initiated me to do so until Agathiyar revealed the exact time of his birth in my Nadi reading. Henceforth we began our puja at this time. Then he came to switch the date for us to coincide with Thaipusam beginning from 2017. 

As I was in my daughter's home, Mahin invited me to go over to AVM and do a puja in conjunction with his Jayanthi. We lit the homam, and did abhisegam to Agathiyar's statue. While Mahin was dressing him up, I for no particular reason picked up Ramalinga Adigal's "Agaval" and begin to recite it knowing pretty well that the 1596 verses would take some 2 hours to recite. I could only recite until verse 305 "நாயினுங் கடையே னீயினு மிழிந்தேன் ஆயினு மருளிய வருட்பெருஞ் ஜோதி", when strong emotions came over me and I began to sob. I struggled to continue further but could not go beyond verse 336. I have been reading the Agaval solo and with my family numerous times but never could comprehend it. It was a mere song but a melodious one to me back then. But yesterday was different for I could feel the words reverb in me having me recall similar experiences. I stopped singing. But to my amazement, Ramalinga Adigal picked up from where I stopped, through another devotee present. But the words were not that from the original "Arutpa" but were coined in real-time. As he took us by surprise, we could only record the later path of his song. Usually, we understand what is said then but fail to recall their words exactly later. 

என்னுள்ளீல் நீ உன்னுள்ளில் நான் அதுவே அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி,
.. போகமும் யோகமும் அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி,
… நீ கடந்து அறிவே நீ அறியும் அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி,
எல்லாம் செய் சித்தம் சிவனடி சேரும் அதுவே அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி,
ஆண்மையும் பெண்மையும் கலந்தன இறுதியில் வெளிப்படும் வெளிச்சமே அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி,
இவை எல்லாம் தாண்டிக் கடந்தபின் காண்பது அதுவே அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி,
இளமையில் நீ செய்யும் யோகங்கள் யாவும் முதுமையில் சேர்ந்திடும் அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி,
ஜோதியுள் ஜோதி அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி,

குளிர்ந்தது ஜோதி.

வெப்பமும் ஜோதி, நீயும் ஜோதி, நானும் ஜோதி, பிரபஞ்சம் முழுதும் ஜோதி, மின்மினி போல் மின்னும் ஜோதி, பரத்தில் இருக்கும் அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி, இப்பரதேசியில் காண்பதும் ஜோதி.

Previously on 14.3.2020 when Ramalinga Adigal came he coined a song for us that I had shared then. It goes as follows,

என் பெருமானே என்னுள் வந்து அருளிய ஜோதி அது...

என் பெருமான் அருளிய ஜோதி அது....

திரை எனும் திரை எனும் என் பெருமான் காட்டிய திரை அது....

என் அருள் அப்பன் அருள் ஜோதி அது...

சீர்ஜோதி அது 

பெருஞ் ஜோதி அது... 

ஏறும் பெரும் ஜோதி அது.

என்னுள் அது ஏறும்போது திரை அது விலகியது...

என்னுள் அது ஏறும் நிலையில் ஜோதி அது ஜோதி அது...

திரை எனும் திரை அது அருட்பெருஞ்ஜோதி அது...

He went on to show us the way to bring the effulgence within and keep it burning.

திரை விலக உங்களில் இருக்கும் ஜோதி அதனைச் சுடர்விட செய்யுங்கள். என் அப்பன் அகத்தியன் உங்களுக்குள் வந்து அத்திரையை விலக்கிவிடுவார். அதுவே இப்பாடலின் பொருள். என் அப்பன் அகத்தியன் உங்களுக்குள் இருந்து வழி நடத்தி வருகிறார். அவன் வழியிலே நடந்து வாருங்கள். அத்திரை விலக்குவதற்க்கு அவன் அருள் புரிவான்.

அருட்ஜோதி உங்களை ஆசீர்வதித்தது. அருட்பெருஞ்சோதி ஆண்டவர் உங்களை ஆசீர்வதித்தார். செல்லும் வழி சரி. அகத்தியன் அருட்ஜோதியை நோக்கி அழைத்துச் செல்வான்.

Previously when Tavayogi came he too asked us to chant the Arutperunjothi mantra as he initiated his children.

WATCHING THE YEARS ROLL BY

All the books and reading do not replace the guru. This blog too does not replace a living guru. All these are guides to begin for a start. I too went through these phases putting in much effort learning from books in the past but realized that one needs to come under the direct supervision of a guru after some time. I was blessed to have two gurus. Coming to the guru he shall perfect and finetune the methods and practice so that we see results. Above and beyond this, the guru shall show the way to remove one's karma that stands in the way between our practice and its benefits. I did not know that my karma stood in my way till Agathiyar revealed it in my first Nadi reading. Similarly, I did not know I had earned the curses of elders in my past life until Agathiyar told me in the same Nadi reading. He gave me remedies to be carried out to counter them. Similarly, the initiation into a mantra and the touch of the guru shall remove the unseen and unknown "blockages" within us so that we shall reap the full benefit of our practice. I did not know that I had blockages until I was passed the Vasudeva mantra mysteriously that I came to know later clears these blockages. Just as my first guru Supramania Swami told me that our efforts shall not go to waste, the Siddhas came to aid me to remove all the obstacles so that I could enjoy the fruits of my efforts.

I was introduced to a list of names of the Siddhas recited by Nadi Nool Aasan Senthilkumar during a Siddha puja he conducted for me after he read my Kaanda Nadi for the very first time back then in 2002. I then began to explore the names listed in the small booklet he passed me for keeps after he had recited from it. It was published by Agathiyar Gnana Peedham Kallar. I never knew then that I would later come to take its patron Thaaiveedu Thangarasan as my guru. I wanted to know who these Siddhas were and if that list was final. I came across many other editions carrying many more names. One had as many as 700 plus names that also included nature, the planets and the stars, the numerous deities, etc. I recited them all. Not satisfied with just reciting the names of the Siddhas, I included more songs of praise to them that I came across in books and the net. And so I came to compile a compendium of songs in praise of the Siddhas that I used in my home puja. Later this compilation made its way into the homes of other seekers as they brought it back home. Songs from this book of prayers were also sung before Agathiyar in temples.  

There was a time when we sat for some 2 hours doing an elaborate puja for the Siddhas at my home that consisted of three portions namely the lighting of the sacrificial fire, the libation of Agathiyar's statue and finally singing the songs of praise and chanting the mantras. Then the rituals were reduced to some 45 minutes, with the first 15 minutes lighting the Homam or lighting the fire pit, the second 15 minutes in conducting the abhisegam or bathing his statue, and lastly adorning him. As his energy mounted in his statue, in my home and in us the singing came to a halt.  The chanting of mantras too came to a stop on its own. We could not go on even if we wanted. We just wanted to sit quietly. We were surprised at the changes that took place in our model and approach to puja. Puja that took hours came to be concluded within minutes. The external verbalization of mantras dropped but went on within on its own. The singing of the praise of Siddhas dropped on its own accord as we were drawn to sit in silence. From not knowing anything about the worship of the Siddhas, we came to know about it and put it into practice. Then that practice too was dropped. Similarly when Tavayogi came by and taught us asanas and pranayama we learned and picked it up. This too was dropped only to retain a number of it. So was it with charity. We went all the way out to serve the needy for several years before we were asked to drop it too. After gaining the knowledge, benefits and experience, or in other words, having taken the gist or substance of it we were told to drop the action.

Mahindren observed a pattern here that I missed seeing. Just as in our search for materialistic gains we collect trophies and awards, certificates and appraisals, etc the service-orientated activities and religious and spiritual practice we engaged in brought us much recognition and praise. Then Agathiyar commanded that I pull the shutters down on Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) and drop my association with its many associated groups. I was asked to stay away from the charity programs, drop the puja, rituals, chanting and singing, and drop the yoga practice too as if condoning all the earlier changes that took place. He officially brought the shutters down on everything. In asking to drop everything we did and go within instead I saw no spectacular nor noticeable changes in me the past two years of doing so. I thought I had failed and wasted the time. But Agathiyar echoing Supramania Swami's words that our efforts do not go to waste, says it was not wasted. Mahin made me realize later that the whole idea was to drop everything, which I had unknowingly done, and remain empty and void. How foolish was I to think of collecting tokens and merits. He knocked sense in me.

During the years spearheading the AVM group, I saw people from all walks of life or rather who had various notions of the Siddhas come by. Beginning from 2002, making headway in the worship and praise of the Siddhas with the coming of Agathiyar as a statue in 2010, and when AVM was at its peak in the year 2013, many were shown to AVM. If many held to him equally otherd seem to be mere spectators to rituals and practices as we see in the temples. It was a time of fair and gala where many as in amusement parks or in gardens spend their time in recreation, gathered to feast their eyes on Agathiyar. We conducted the fest for Agathiyar in a big way too. 

I could not fail but notice that some husbands stayed in their cars while their wives joined the prayers. Some dropped off their families to pick them up later. In the initial years of my coming to the worship of the Siddhas, I left my family out. I would lock myself in the prayer room. Then Tavayogi told me to bring the family too to the worship. Somehow the womenfolk are more inclined towards devotion than men but why are there more men saints than women then? It is because the women though much religious and spiritual can only spend a moment towards devotion as they need to run the household. In some cultures, they even tend to the cattle and horse and do the manual work that men do. Agathiyar says that tending to the needs of the family is sufficient for women to gain the merits that come with tapas. 

My expectation that those who gathered pick up the practice and carry them out in their homes and with their families did not entirely materialize. Today I understand that their homes might not be conducive to hosting such pujas if others in the family were not receptive to it. Hence they might have sought venues available for the worship of the Siddhas. I guess some have to see the sufferings of others to break their heart, or melt their hearts. So did Agathiyar bring us to do service. But only some came by. I was sad that while some chose to stay away, others left for greener pastures. I understand today from Tavayogi that one has to live out his desires. Karma has to take its course. This understanding came my way when I requested that he bring them to the path. Tavayogi very clearly spelled it out, "Some take a birth merely to see through their worldly desires and yearnings. They need to fulfill these. Let them be. Otherwise, the karma shall follow till it is exhausted."

சில மனிதர்களின் பிறப்பு அவர் இச்சைகாக, ஆசைக்காக. அவன் ஆசைகாகப் பிறந்தான். ஆசையில் திளைத்து விட்டு முடித்து விடுவான். அவன் போக்கில் விட்டு விடு. இல்லாவிட்டால் வினை தொடர்ந்து கொண்டே வரும். 

In 2018, my home took on a new name given by Lord Murugan, Agathiyar Tapovanam Malaysia in view of our hold on Agathiyar. The following year, all the festivities came to an abrupt stop and it was time to work on our breath and Yoga. The switch was towards educating us on the mysteries of life. We took on another name Gnana Kottam. But what is in a name if we do not adhere to their teachings, right? A handful stayed back to learn Yoga and the mysteries of life as it was disclosed directly by the Siddhas.

If I had failed in bringing the others to remain in the path, Swami Haridos did a spectacular move in bringing everyone to participate in his bhajan. The Swami is known to insert his preachings and teachings while conducting bhajans. As my colleagues and I headed to the house of a devotee in Petaling Jaya who hosted his stay while in Malaysia many years ago,  Swami Haridos came out of the house and stepped into the car to be driven away. All we got to see of him that day was a wave of his hand as he saw us alight from our car. But fate had it that I should see him again. When I was in Sungai Petani over the weekend word got around that he was to give a talk at a temple. I went over to listen to him. Seeing the audience sit passively while he rendered his songs, he asked us to join in the bhajan. Nothing happened. No one responded. Finally, he said, "அது ஒன்னும் இல்லை. அவர்கள் தோளில் ஏதோ ஒன்று அமர்ந்து இருக்கிறது. அதனால்தான் அவர்களால் கைகளை உயர்த்த இயலவில்லை." He implied that there was something sitting on our shoulders that prevented us from raising our hands in joy and singing. You should have seen the look on the faces of all those gathered then and their immediate response to that statement. They looked around them and at others and slowly lifted their arms and hands and clapped and sang to the rhythm and melody. What a strategy the Swami used to get everyone involved in singing with him.

LEARNING FROM DISASTERS

When a friend who is currently in Turkey alerted us that his home too was caught in the recent floods, another buddy of ours whose home though flooded too made his way in his 4-wheel drive to see if the former's parents, nephews and nieces were safe. But he had to stop short of entering the housing scheme as only boats could ply further into the waters. By God's grace, the rain stopped and the floodwaters subsided. Though he offered to go over and help clean up, the friend's parents managed themselves. The same day another friend rushed to save his parents from the flood driving them back in his 4-wheel drive to his home elsewhere. Not satisfied with saving his parents, he engaged a boat and gathered some friends, and then went back to his parent's housing scheme to distribute food. Our own Persatuan Teman Setia (PTS) contributed an amount towards the purchase of food to be distributed. In going to the ground or rather wading through the water he came to know that what the victims needed most then were candles and matches. He broke into his home and office that was submerged in water and managed to find some of those items and saved the day or rather saved the victims from spending the night in darkness. He literally brought light into their homes. Both these samaritans have charity running in their blood. They were the backbone of AVM, Amudha Surabhi, and Pothihai Dharma Chakram previously in the days of our charity drives. Many like them were caught unexpectedly. A cousin of mine and her family who were hit by the floods previously some 25 years ago, was hit twice. They were picked up by rescuers in boats to safety eventually. My daughter and son-in-law and his friend's family did their small part in sending over essentials to affected households in a nearby village. They observed that only the victims' homes stood but all the rest of their belongings had to be thrown away. These are a couple of stories of the samaritans who came to the aid of those in danger and distress. There are many more out there still helping out the flood victims. 

By this time food was in surplus as many individuals and Non-Government Organizations (NGO's) had begun giving food. Someone who goes by the name "iherng" on social media who was "on a mission to deliver power banks and water supply to his family" jotted his observation, "Lots of kind-hearted people making donations blindly. I see so much food and water just thrown away at the roadside without even being opened." We too saw the same happen during the days when we joined the numerous NGOs in bringing packed food to the homeless on the streets. At one time we decided that they do not need it after seeing them stack this food up without eating them and seeing these packets piled up on the walkways. We diverted our contribution to those who had homes but did not have the means to feed themselves. Malaysian are generally very generous.

Sadly "iherng" pointed out there were many out there who were keener to document the crisis rather than help out. He wrote, "So many trucks with people behind shooting videos as if it's a tourist hot spot. Official rescue vehicles just couldn't access the site because of the congestion." He said it beautifully, "If you're not part of the solution, please don't be part of the problem." I guess they were gathering footage to be posted on their social media accounts and raise the viewership ratings or increase support as in the latter or make an earning out of others' sufferings as did those who asked exorbitant fees to ferry them across to safety. This craze to click their cameras has become very obvious in road accidents too. People stand around taking photos and videos of road accident victims instead of aiding them. There was a video footage posted of a man trying to get up from his hospital bed and taking a few steps. He was seen as obviously in need of help while someone continued filming. The man dropped to the floor and died later. But we shall give the one behind the camera the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he too was bedridden and could not move to aid the man. But he could have always cried or shouted or made a din. But again maybe he could not do that either. Even funerals are not spared these days. The least one could do is to respect the dead.

TO ACT OR NOT TO

At times I think I have become a misfit in society. As I cannot go with the mainstream thoughts and talks, I distance myself. I guess this what Agathiyar has been telling me that I was living a Tava Vazhkai or a life of tapas. I used to wonder if I qualified that status since the tapas I knew were something else that I never did. I guess we are so much into doing things that even tapas to us must be engaging in an action or activity. Today I understand that it is inaction that is required. We tend to mend things. I guess they want it to be left alone. But how is that possible? That would  have us just sit in a place. This is what the sages did. I guess Both Lord Murugan and Agathiyar want me to involve in activity only when necessary and very minimal just sufficient for my daily survival and sustenance. 

If we adopt a life of inactivity refraining from all activities a new activity begins to take place within us that comes on spontaneously by the grace of the guru and divine. To a yogi the body is a portal to enter another world. The breath moves the body keeping it warm and alive. Hence the reason at one stage Tavayogi told me it was God. If earlier he pointed us to the form of Agathiyar as God just as our parents showed Lord Shiva, Vinayagar, and others as God to us in the temples as with Rupam or form, when one goes within the breath becomes a tool on which the God particle hitches a ride. It is now Aruvam that is felt but not seen and without form. When I asked him how Agathiyar comes to him he said as Light or Jothi. Later he explained that it is not the fire that appears when the wick burns but the red aura that is seen surrounding the flame. This is neither felt nor does it have a form. He cleared my doubt since if it is the open flame then God is in the campfire or bushfire, the flame in the gas stove, the burning ghats that consume dead bodies, the burning house, and the dumpyard that burns besides in the Yagam or sacrificial fire pit.

If initially, our parents showed God as residing in the temples and they were given forms and names, soon coming under the tutelage of the guru we now addressed them as mantras, specific sounds that resonated with their frequencies. We saw them as formless. This is usually aided with yantras or abstract geometrical diagrams itched on copper foils. Taking up the practice of Pranayama we become aware and feel the breath moving within and are told that this lifeforce is God. Meanwhile, we are shown God as existing in others too, in nature and all around us, and in the entire Prapanjam or creation. Then we are shown God as Light. In simple terms, anything that sustains life on earth is God. That is why our elders bowed and prayed to all things, stone, rock, metal, nature, tools, fire, water, food, etc.

Man who was wild became civilized over time. Bringing us to Sariyai where we only pray for our wellbeing at temples and homes, in bringing us to rituals as in Kriyai it became a universal prayer for the wellness of all of creation. We were told to look out for the other too, appeasing their hunger and sharing their troubles as seen in charity. Coming to Yoga, one's attention is turned to oneself, tuning the body and mind to bring focus to the purpose and goal that awaits us. In all these, the underlying factor is discipline that is stressed by Tavayogi in all his speeches. Here is where we get the feeling that we are a misfit in a society of merry-goers, and those who while their time in endless debate and arguments, etc. Where do we fit? It is hard if you have principles and live up to it. These are the greatest challenges that we face. Just as Lord Shiva came in a dream some 33 years ago and asks me to go into hibernation, it looks like there is a need to shut myself up completely and be oblivious to whatever happens around me. Is that possible or viable? When will the shutters come down?But would that not be selfish on our part? Were the saints then selfish in working on themselves? Many had come our way and though their teachings reached out to many but very few managed to achieve what the saints did. Along the way many became obsesed with fame and power or fell from glory or faded into oblivion. Shall we see another Ramalinga Adigal arise in our midst? Shall we see another Agathiyar walk among us? 

I guess this is the reason the elders had us come to know God intimately only when we have settled all our responsibilities and retired in old age.

THE BODY = TEMPLE

I am lucky that I could designate a room for my worship of Agathiyar and the Siddhas and to be alone with them. Many might not be at liberty to afford even a private corner in their home. Similarly, an individual might not be at liberty to worship the Siddhas due to indifference or objection from other family members. Others might not have the know-how on conducting rituals or might fear what if they flaw and earn the wrath of the Gods or the Siddhas. I guess that is the reason we have temples so that these individuals who yearned to be with God but could not carry out their prayers in their homes could head for the nearest temples to worship them. God does not discriminate against his children. He provides for all to have a piece of the cake. 

Slowly weaning from temple worship to worshipping God within the body that is a temple and abode of the Gods, we are introduced to many more states of spiritual evolution that now take place within. Bhagawan Ramana speaks about his visits to temples in BV Narasimha Swami's book "Self Realization, The Life and Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi", Sri Ramanasramam, 1985. He describes his earlier experiences and that upon his awakening. 

Formerly I would go there (the temple of Meenakshi Sundareswara) rarely with friends, see the images, put on sacred ashes and sacred vermilion on the forehead and return home without any perceptible emotion. After the awakening into the new life, I would go almost every evening to the temple. I would go alone and stand before Siva or Meenakshi or Nataraja or the sixty three saints for long periods. I would feel waves of emotion overcoming me. The former hold on the body had been given up by my spirit, since it ceased to cherish the idea 'I am the body'. The spirit therefore longed to have a fresh hold and hence the frequent visits to the temple and the overflow of the soul in profuse tears. This was God's play with the individual spirit. I would stand before Isvara, the controller of the universe and the destinies of all, the omniscient and omnipresent, and occasionally pray for the descent of his grace upon me so that my devotion might increase and become perpetual like that of the sixty three saints. Mostly I would not pray at all, but let the deep within flow on and into the deep without. Tears would mark this overflow of the soul and not betoken any particular feeling of pleasure or pain. I had no desire to avoid rebirth or seek release, to obtain dispassion or salvation... in the language of the books, I should describe my mental or spiritual condition after the awakening, as Suddha Manas or Vijnana, ie the intuition of the illumined.

Now I am beginning to understand the reasons for the spontaneous flow of tears before the Gods at the temples I visited. This is what I experience too. The enlightened sage shares his experiences further. 

I had read no books other than Periapuranam, my Bible lessons and bits of Tayumanavar or Tevaram. My notion of God (or Isvara as I called the Infinite but Personal Diety) was similar to that found in the Puranas. I had not heard then of Brahman, samsara, etc. I had no idea that there was an Essence or Impersonal Real underlying everything, and that myself and Isvara were both identical with it. At Tiruvannamalai, as I listened to Ribhu Gita and other works, I picked up these facts and discovered that these books were analysing and naming what I had previously felt intuitively without analysis and name. In the language of the books, I could describe my mental or spiritual condition after awakening, as Suddha Manas or Vijnana, i.e., the intuition of the illumined.

Manikavasagar describes his experience in coming to God and how his perspective changed. Initially, regarding the body as an impermanent shelter, he saw the divine in it later. The body that exhibited emotions and sufferings and took on pain now takes on bliss. Manikavasagar upon meeting God and attaining bliss could not live another moment separate from God. Not knowing the means to permanently unite with God he laments, "I tried to severe this body that has sinned, by all possible means and failed. Neither does the soul free itself on its own. I cannot live another moment without you." He then comes to a sudden realization that this body was not his to take. He begins to plead for Paramukthi, gaining Siddhi with the body intact. He prays that God takes him to his abode with the physical body intact. He brings God within so that the physical body does not perish and merges with Tillai Ambalar still retaining his body.

பொத்தை ஊன் சுவர் புழுப்பொதிந்து உளுத்து அசும்பு ஒழுகிய பொய்க்கூரை
இத்தை மெய்யெனக் கருதி நின்று இடர்க் கடல் சுழித்தலைப் படுவேனை
முத்து மாமணி மாணிக்க வயிரத்த பவளத்தின் முழுச் சோதி
அத்தன் ஆண்டு தன் அடியரில் கூட்டிய அதிசயம் கண்டோமே

Residing in a dwelling made of meat walls and with numerous openings, and a false roof, with worms crawling within, when damaged, fluids begin to flow, whence I am tossed about in an endless whirlpool of suffering; when such a dwelling is regarded as real and turned towards the sparkle of the gem studded God, he brings me into his fold and company of his servants.

Thirumular who similarly regarded the body as filth in the beginning, later upon realizing the creator within him, began to regard the body as the abode of the Divine and took good care of it.

உடம்பினை முன்னம் இழுக்கென் றிருந்தேன்
உடம்பினு குள்ளே உறுபொருள் கண்டேன்
உடம்புளே உத்தமன் கோயில் கொண்டான் என்று
உடம்பினை யானிருந்து ஓம்புகின்றேனே

When the body deteriorates, the breath prepares to leave. One who shuns his body would not reach the state of Gnanam. Learning the techniques of sustaining the body, I kept the body standing hence retained the breath in it. 

உடம்பார் அழியின் உயிரார் அழிவர்
திடம்பட மெய்ஞானம் சேரவு மாட்டார்
உடம்பை வளர்க்கும் உபாயம் அறிந்தே
உடம்பை வளர்த்தேன் உயிர்வளர்த்தேனே

Tavayogi says that the body is dependant on the breath and the breath keeps the body alive. The Siddhas besides caring for their health and body, mastered the means to prolong the stay of the breath within. Osho says they learned to hold the breath for 48 minutes at a go. Besides this, they give equal importance to knowing the Soul within. Hence they take into consideration all aspects of living both here in the now and life beyond our existence here. 

P. Karthigayan in his "History of Medical and Spiritual Sciences of Siddhas of Tamil Nadu, Notion Press, 2016 beautifully summarizes the Siddha path. He writes, "The Siddha cult is initiated on one by fate, encouraged by his nature, kindled by god's will, endured by his aspiration and accomplished by his spontaneous knowledge." One could never come closer than this in describing the core elements that are needed if one were to come to the Siddha path. Even the handful of us who are relatively new to this path can advocate to the truth in this. For instance, I was initiated into the path by fate too; encouraged by my nature to thoroughly learn everything that I laid my hands on; every act of mine was kindled by God's will, sustained by his grace and halted at times out of his compassion and love; indeed I endured it all seeing his aspiration for me to see through his will, and finally I shall accomplish that by the gift of his spontaneous knowledge. 

REJOICING IN SILENCE

Today I briefly had touched the zone of silence. It just came on as I was at my daughter's home. When I told my 4-year-old granddaughter about it she immediately sat down in padmasana and invited me too. She made the gesture of applying the sacred ash on my forehead and body and went back to close her eyes. In taking in the bliss I realized that the silence came from within me and enveloped me. Though the external noises were audible this silence superseded them and drove me to become aware of my breath and watch it. Now I understand how the sages could sit in silence even in the marketplace and in the midst of people and all the din and noise. And I wrongfully thought all the external noises should subside for us to go within and touch the silence. This brief moment of bliss has to be extended says Tavayogi. 

Frank Alexander in his book "In the Hours of Meditation", Advaita Ashrama, Calcutta, 1993, describes this moment beautifully,

There are hours when one forgets the world. There are hours when one approaches that region of blessedness in which the soul is self contained and in the presence of the Highest. Then is silenced all clamoring of desire; all sound of sense is stilled. Only God is. There is no holier sanctuary than a purified mind, a mind concentrated upon God. There is no more sacred place than the region of peace into which the mind enters when it becomes fixed in the Lord. Purity, bliss, blessedness, peace. The spiritual consciousness dawns in these silent, sacred hours. The soul is close to its source.

He says that during these intimate and private hours of meditation, "When all was silence in the depths of meditation" the Guru appears with many messages. 

Frank Alexander's book, is a great book that brings many insights from the Voice for the Soul and brings insights from the Guru. Every word resonates with truth as we begin to experience these moments. We can relate to the teachings of Agathiyar and Tavayogi pretty well now.

Agathiyar on many occasions reiterated that there was no need to adorn the garb of a mendicant. We could achieve the same while living with the family and society. Frank says the same, "It is the monastic spirit, not the monastic garb that is of importance."

Just as Tavayogi told us not to try to compute and understand life but to live it, Frank says, "The form is nothing; the life is everything." We shall go on forever trying to understand life and waste it in doing so. Rather it would be advantageous and fruitful to pick a path and travel it, picking up and collecting the experiences that come our way. 

Frank asks us to, "Bring divinity into commonplace daily life", "see the invisible divinity in the visible universe about us" and "see the difference" for ourselves. He asks us to bring Him into each moment of our lives, spiritualizing Maya, spiritualizing the moment, making even the menial acts divine. Karma then never lifts its hood; never associating with the act. 

Let us learn to spiritualize all that comes into contact with us. This is what we sought of the masters, bowing to them and waiting for them to place their hands on our heads to bless us. This is what they did too with their touch. That was needed at the start of our spiritual journey. But we cannot possibly be relying on their touch forever. It is time we worked on this magic that is given to us. It is time we enhanced it with our continuous efforts and as Tavayogi says learn to prolong these moments of bliss, for how long do we want to keep bowing to others or look up to them each time we face a disastrous situation. It does not mean that we have turned against the guru and the saints but on the contrary, they would be happy that we have begun to stand on our own feet. Frank says, "Faith in others will only make thee more and more helpless and miserable. Make thy own self thy Guru. Each is his own savior and his own Lord. Let the human in thee die so that the divine shall be revealed."  This is what Agathiyar, Ramalinga Adigal, and Tavayogi are trying to do too. A true guru makes another a guru too rather than have him be a follower, disciple, subordinate, slave, or servant forever. If we learn to build that inner strength or Atma Balam we shall be able to take control of all situations. Tavayogi says the soul (Atma) is supposed to be free as a bird and not caged, free to explore, free to discover, and free to make mistakes, with no dogmas, doctrines, rules or codes to adopt and follow.  It learns, appreciates, regrets, and comes back to the fold eventually. 

J. Krishnamurthi too implies the same. 

I want therefore to set man free, rejoicing as the bird in the clear sky, unburdened, independent, ecstatic in that freedom. And I, for whom you have been preparing for eighteen years, now say that you must be free of all these things, free from your complications, your entanglements. You are all depending for your spirituality on someone else, for your happiness on someone else, for your enlightenment on someone else; and although you have been preparing for me for eighteen years, when I say all these things are unnecessary, when I say that you must put them all away and look within yourselves for the enlightenment, for the glory, for the purification, and for the incorruptibility of the self, not one of you is willing to do it. There may be a few, but very, very few. So why have an organization?

J Krishnamurthi adds that "the moment spiritualism is organized it becomes religion. Spiritualism is beyond any dogmas and doctrines." Just like Krishnamurthi laments that "When I say that you must put them all away and look within yourselves for the enlightenment, for the glory, for the purification, and for the incorruptibility of the self, not one of you is willing to do it"; Just as Ramalinga Adigal before leaving his mortal frame, spoke his mind and told those gathered that they shall never listen to the word of God, adding that his teachings would be picked up by the west; Agathiyar too many times voiced his concern. I guess now that that is the reason Agathiyar dissolved our WhatsApp group too. 

Frank too says "The religious life is purely personal and subjective." I had vented my anger at others for not coming to the path in my early days of venture into it. As I began to see and experience magical moments and solutions in coming to the path, I shared them with others. But to my dismay, they gave me a cold look and were indifferent to the miracles that I related to them. Then my wife hit me with a brick telling me that their time was not up as yet to awake from their deep slumber. What a great assessment of the situation she had, I told myself.  I took a knocking again recently from Tavayogi. When I requested Tavayogi to bring someone I knew into the path of the Siddhas, he surprised me by telling me to let him be. Tavayogi reveals the subtle message behind one's disinterest in taking up the path. He told me that the other needed to exhaust his karma in the form of desires that he cherished and carried with him, otherwise, his karma shall continue to follow him. I realized the words of Frank echo here too, "In listening to another, see the realization side instead of the logic of his speech; then no argument shall ensue and thine own realization shall receive new impulses." 

Just as Tavayogi shut the shutters in my face when I proclaimed my joy in having met him after he stepped into my home, telling me that he was a nobody and that I should look up to Agathiyar instead, Frank tells us to be loyal and true to the source from which we received inspirations, "Work to thine utmost, and then to thine utmost be resigned." Let us all be an instrument of the divine. Frank writes,

Make the body a tabernacle for the soul; and let the soul be more and more revealed day by day. Then shalt that darkness which is ignorance be gradually dispersed; and that light which is the divine wisdom shall gradually be revealed.

Frank writes of the bond with one's guru.

The love and insight of the Guru, having been once bestowed, have been bestowed forever. Through his mercy, through his illumination thy most inmost soul has been resurrected. He has sought thee out and through him thou hast been made whole. The realization of the Guru descends in torrents upon the disciple. It is ceaseless; and nothing can resist it. His love for thee knows no bounds. To all lengths he shall go for thee. Never shall he desert thee. Even his curse is blessing in disguise. 

Frank continues,

More and more does the personality of the disciple merge in the Guru nature while all the time the Guru's personality is seen to merge more and more into that of which even his body had been a manifestation. Then the sublimest oneness is attained. The waters of the dual personalities of Guru and disciple become the ocean of the infinite Brahman.

This is the state of Sarupam, the third of four stages that we climb. We take on the form of the guru and divine.