Neither my gurus taught me. They did not hold classes. They did not pass on books to read or recommend. Instead, they had me travel the path, taking small steps and working on the mantras, practice, and techniques. They showed by example rather than preaching. The very first lesson that I failed to understand back then in 2005 came in the form of a strong and unexpected statement from Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal. In my excitement to have him over at my home, I went overboard thanking his presence. He hit back that I was living in Maya, thinking that he had something hidden beneath his safron robes. Though I was confused and disturbed at his reaction towards my joy in having him over, I am thankful to him for breaking the hold on him that would have eventually come about. Instead, he pointed me to Agathiyar and told me to hold on tight to him. How many gurus would shove away a seeker, student, apprentice, servant, disciple? Agathiyar, too, sometime back, asked that I shed my hold on him too, for how else are we to become one, he asked. Later, he asked if he should make me a guru and immediately reversed on his suggestion and replied, 'No, I shall make you a ...... instead'.
Tavayogi brought me into the jungles, walking the path he had traveled in the days of roaming as a mendicant. I tasted his life, sleeping in caves and living with nature. He conducted Siddha puja in my home, and we followed suit by watching him. There were no rules or conduct imposed on us. There were no texts or books to follow. We were free to experiment. The Siddhas and deities also gave us leeway in conducting these rituals. He did numerous Yoga postures and breathing practices, and we followed. He did not correct or help us out. It was a one-time affair, and we had to remember all the movements shown to us. Agathiyar, in later years, gave me leeway to carry out only those that I deem necessary. After the initial mass initiation he gave to six others besides me and my wife, the others came in passing or as I sat before him in later years. The ball was on my court. I had to practice them diligently. He never enquired about them or my practice. He sowed the seeds and moved on, never looking back for a moment to check on me, just as he brought me into the jungles, never for once turning back to check if I was keeping up with him. He never was attached to his disciples. It was all professional. He was there to show, and it was left to us to learn and follow. Today, I am glad that he was the way he was. This was the way the Siddhas nurtured their students. He was an exemplary Siddha and guru.
Mrs Kogie Pillai from South Africa, who was equally charmed by Tavayogi and his manners, shared a few pages from J.Krishnamurti's book, "The First Step is the Last Step", where Krishnamurti sums it up writing that "Nothing must be repeated which one has not oneself perceived, which one has not lived. It is not yours, therefore it is not original. It is secondhand, therefore utterly valueless. To find out what truth is, to come upon it, the mind must be free of all imitation and conformity. The mind must be free of the word, the image, and the past. And that is the first step and the last step."