It hurts to see others suffer. I was deeply hurt and angry with God in my twenties as I saw my relatives and friends suffer. I could not comprehend why they had to suffer. They abided with the religious teachings. They feared God. They went to temples, nay even had a prime role in managing the temples. Yet they faced so much misery and worst, death. A relative had just walked out of a temple. She hailed a taxi to go back home. She crossed the road and was hit by a car. She died on the spot. Her husband gave up on God. A colleague was a right-hand man at a temple, attending to the deity and her needs each day. His wife suffered while carrying their child. And Goddess Ma had the cheek to say that the deity had caused their sufferings. Yet they held on to her. These two episodes were enough to have me think if God was fair? I had read much about God and religion. It all painted a picture of God as love and compassion. But what was shown to me was otherwise. In the nick of time, Lord Shiva came and halted my train of thoughts and asked me to go on garden leave. I took a break beginning in 1988, of some 14 years staying away from my regular daily puja at dawn and dusk at my home and my daily visits to the temples. I stopped reading religious and spiritual books. I got married and focused on my family and career. I listened to philosophical songs that seem to explain life and its challenges. It was reassuring and gave hope. This was one of them. These and similar songs kept me company.
மயக்கமா கலக்கமா
மனதிலே குழப்பமா வாழ்க்கையில் நடுக்கமா
மயக்கமா கலக்கமா
மனதிலே குழப்பமா வாழ்க்கையில் நடுக்கமா
வாழ்க்கை என்றால் ஆயிரம் இருக்கும்
வாசல் தோறும் வேதனை இருக்கும்
வந்த துன்பம் எதுவென்றாலும்
வாடி நின்றால் ஓடுவதில்லை
வாடி நின்றால் ஓடுவதில்லை
எதையும் தாங்கும் இதயம் இருந்தால்
இறுதி வரைக்கும் அமைதி இருக்கும்
மயக்கமா கலக்கமா
மனதிலே குழப்பமா வாழ்க்கையில் நடுக்கமா
ஏழை மனதை மாளிகையாக்கி
இரவும் பகலும் காவியம் பாடி
நாளை பொழுதை இறைவனுக்களித்து
நடக்கும் வாழ்வில் அமைதியை தேடு
நடக்கும் வாழ்வில் அமைதியை தேடு
உனக்கும் கீழே உள்ளவர் கோடி
நினைத்து பார்த்து நிம்மதி நாடு
மயக்கமா கலக்கமா
மனதிலே குழப்பமா வாழ்க்கையில் நடுக்கமா
I had the answer to all my questions when Agathiyar spoke to me about karma in my Nadi reading in 2002. I understood. I was relieved of the questions I carried in me. Agathiyar called me to his path. I followed. He sent me two wonderful gurus in physical form. I learned by observing them. Thanks to them I have begun to connect with the energies during my home puja. Thanks to them I am able to connect with the energies in the temples too. Thanks to them I see these same energies in children. Thanks to them I see these energies in the plants, in the air, in the skies, in the breeze, in the food I take, in the water I drink, and all around me. I can connect to the devotional songs. I can connect to those philosophical songs that I once kept listening to. What is the secret formula then? Nothing great. We just need to connect with God. Really connect for life. The Gods at these temples who give us hope to live another day if ushered into our homes through our daily puja begin to stay with us. They become a part of our family. God becomes father, mother, friend, and guru. Their emissaries shall be on call. Rest assured that all the rest shall be taken care of.