Robert Downey Jr. in hosting YouTube's series - "The Age of A.I." says that the best way to learn something is to teach it. This was seen in the Hindi movie "Rough Book" where a lecturer in a university gives her student an assignment and asks the student to teach the class the next day. After he presents to the class what he had picked up from his research the night before, she asks the class, "Who benefits the most from teaching?" The students answer, "Of course the students." But in truth, it is the teacher who benefits the most, she says. This episode opened up my eyes too. I guess this explains why Supramania Swami told me the more hours I put in, in doing Tavam, his stature will rise. When we learn and share with others, our guru automatically rises up the ladder. I guess Agathiyar is making me read and compare additional information from books, movies, and every other source to substantiate the subject matter that he gives me to write. One thing is for sure. In writing this blog I am learning immensely.
What is truly real in this world and all of creation that is forever changing? I am not the embryo that I was once. I am not the child that I once was. So too we can go on and on till the present moment. What then is forever in existence at least while we are alive? The breath. Though it changes in intensity according to the activity on hand, it returns within and leaves again to return again. Once it leaves and decides not to return we are dead. If it returns and never leaves that is Samadhi. So should not we worship the breath then? This was Tavayogi's final definition of God, that the breath was God. If initially, during the initiation in Malaysia, he told me that Agathiyar's name and mantra were that of God, he showed me the painting and later the fiber statue of Agathiyar as God upon arrival at his Ashram. Coming down the stairs of Nattatreeswarar Temple he told me that both Siva and Agathiyar were one. Just before leaving, he tells me that the breath was God.
Sariyai brings us to respect the body as a temple. Being the passive observer as in Sariyai, we prepare our body and mind appropriately in entering a temple. Becoming an active participant, as in conducting rituals in Kriyai, we bring the divine forces into our homes and take up the abode that is our body, bridging both worlds. Yoga then comes to intensify these energies and their presence within us. In all these, the breath is the conduit through which this energy travels within us with various intensities, from high as in conducting our daily lives, to medium as in chanting and sitting in prayers, to mild when we begin to observe the breath, that finally becomes hardly noticeable. In the hours of silence, the "Self" speaks with the "Higher Self" whom we have given various names and forms. All queries are answered in silence. This is the state of Gnanam. Lord Muruga and Agathiyar asked me to sit in silence and observe the breath. In silence, the individual identity is shed. We outwit Maya that divides and separates. What remains then is the One or Yegan. Saint Nakirar in his plea to Lord Vinayagar sings about this state.
மோனா ஞான முழுதும் அளித்துசிற்பரிப் பூரண சிவத்தைக் காண
நற்சிவ நிட்கள நாட்டமுந் தந்து
குருவுஞ் சீடனுங் கூடிக் கலந்து
இருவரும் ஒரு தனியிடந் தனிற் சேர்ந்து
தானந்தமாகித் தற்பர வெளியில்
ஆனந்த போத அறிவைக் கலந்து
ஈசனிைணயடியிருத்தி
மனத்தே நீயே நானாய்
நானே நீயாய்க்
காயா புரியைக் கனவெனவுணா்ந்து
எல்லாமுன் செயலென்ேற உணர
நல்லா உன்னருள் நாட்டந் தருவாய்
காரண குருவே கற்பகத் களிேற
வாரணமுகத்து வள்ளலே போற்றி
As I revisited my blog to find out what I had written earlier on the state of silence I was surprised to see this piece that I cannot recall having written on Tuesday 28 May 2019.
What if Agathiyar were to speak in those private moments of intimacy and silence? What would he have to say? What would he share?
It was one of the quietest moments, a rare moment itself in the outskirts of the city. The hustle and bustle of traffic that flowed through the main road that cuts across the small housing scheme had died down. The dogs that barked the whole day long and that were supposed to keep watch in the night too had retired for the day together with their masters. The continuous chirping of the birds in the day was momentarily substituted by the occasional outburst of the cricket, known as the night singer. The fireflies flew from one street lamp to the other and finally disappeared out of view. The moon shone brightly in the sky, a scene missed by most of the city dwellers who had to turn in early to wake up early for another day of stressful work. I too entered my prayer room to spend some precious time with my Guru Agathiyar.
As the silence became more intense blocking out the remaining noise of the neighbours' air conditioners, only the sound of my breath was obvious. Soon even that was no more obvious to my hearing. In that moment of deep silence, I felt Agathiyar's presence. I opened my eyes. His bronze statue shone in the light of the oil lamp that keeps burning 24/7. I closed my eyes again. I heard him sigh. I opened my eyes again. There was no visible movement whatsoever. I asked him in silence what was the matter. He remained quiet. Then he spoke.
"I am disappointed with my children."
I was taken aback. I listened on without interrupting. He continued.
"They think of me only as an astrologer. They think of me only as a shaman. They think of me only as a mediator. They think about me only when in trouble. They come to me asking to settle their debts. They come running to me for a solution or cure at most times. At other times they do not care to remember me."
At this juncture, my mind raced back into time where I had heard a similar lament from both my previous gurus. Supramania Swami lamented that they never asked what he wanted but instead desired their needs to be fulfilled. Tavayogi lamented that they came for material gains and not Gnana.
Agathiyar continued.
"I am their conscience. Why did not they listen to me speak through their conscience then? It is sad that they had buried me long ago. They act without conscience today. As they came to see all things external, so too have I had the need to build temples externally to bring them to face their conscience externally. They came before me and stood in prayer asking for guidance there. They left their problems at my feet and returned home relieved. They did little bits of charity at these places of worship then. But the practice or worship soon evolved into fear for me, instilled by those who took advantage of these poor souls. Instead of love and devotion in worship towards me they did things out of fear, lest they should earn the wrath of the Gods, they were told. The element of fear was instilled in them instead of love for their creator. Then there came a time they lost even that remaining fear. They stopped believing. I was the stone and the rock in the temple. They stopped patronizing my abodes. Soon there was no means of sustaining these temples just as there was no means to end their troubles. The priests who had a full-time job of taking care of me and my abode had no income. They had to seek other means of survival. The temples were deserted. Charity lost its hold. True devotees were hard to come by. I had to move too as they say to greener pastures, into the homes and the hearts of my devotees who were yearning for me. I had been travelling a lot since, seeking the homes and hearts of my devotees."
It is interesting that just recently seeing the amount of turmoil in the land where it all began, where for instance statues of gurus were removed, I had mentioned to a friend that maybe the reason the Siddhas asked me to build a temple and the others who had already built fine ones for their gurus in Malaysia was a sort of moving or shifting of the premises.
"Soon man began seeking self-made godman for remedies. As a result, they found themselves loose hefty sums in finding remedies and solutions to their problems. I have sung about these in my Gnana Nool. Today I can only watch in sadness as man moves on with his life indifferent to my existence. I would sit in a corner and watch the world go by. Lobamitra would observe me from a distance not wanting to disturb my thoughts. Occasionally she would walk up to me and enquire about my silence and what was in my thoughts. I would share with her my observation. She would listen intently not saying a word. Finally, she would distract my thoughts pulling me away from falling deeper and further into the world of the mortals. I would then return to my tapas. I am in tapas in your home too. If the need arises to be in Kallar or Pothigai or Kailash I leave immediately. Otherwise, I prefer to be here in your humble dwelling."
And so saying the Mahamuni went back within into a state of silence. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart with tears of joy running down both my cheeks. No audible words came out from my lips, except for the tears that kept flowing endlessly like the Ganges. A sense of coolness crept into me. It was as if I was drenched in bliss. Some energy traversed throughout me. It would have lifted me from the floor if I did not forcibly force myself to be grounded. A broad smile broke out on my face involuntarily which soon turned to a loud burst of laughter from within, that was beyond my control. Was this bliss I wondered, later? We both remained silent for some time. He broke the silence again.
"I have told my children about the importance of several practices through your writings. But it seems it does not register well with them. Except for a few who have started heeding your words, that are my words, the rest think it is of no immediate urgency. They think it can wait. Let me tell them that there is no moment more precious than the present; there is no life more precious than the present. It is now or never. If you do not do it this moment, the much-awaited moment never comes. You will never find another appropriate moment other than now. You have to create that moment. You are partnered in creation with me. Besides me, you too are given the gift of creation, sustenance, and that of wrecking and destroying. Sadly man is prone to postponing or delaying his own plans. But the divine plan takes place as scheduled. Death comes as scheduled. Do not postpone the rare appointment given to you to meet Me. You might never get another moment with Me."
"You understand very well and have made it known in your writings numerous times. I am available to my devotees through the good gestures you and your wife have done and the facilities built and made available around you. You have provided them access to me in your home through the many years of your worship. I come because of you. I make myself present to all because of your worship. I want them to worship me just as you worshipped me all these years. I too want to move into their homes. I too want to move into their hearts. I want to be constantly with them 24/7. But they have to invite me in first. Only if they invite me with an open heart can I visit and settle in their homes and hearts."
Then he moved on to mention the infighting his devotees had amongst them that again caught me by surprise. I guess he was opening up to me just as I had opened up to him all these years. Our moments of engagement in talking, being monologue as in the past had stopped; instead, it has evolved into a dialogue. He had literally spoken to me and we had a conversation a year and a half back. He spoke to the rest of his devotees too at his temple at Carey Island. That was amazing having the Mahamuni address us through a person, to our knowledge, for the very first time. He was apparently not happy with his children fighting among themselves. He wanted it all to end. He said he had summoned some of them. But only two of his dearest children turned up not because of fear but out of love for him. I felt sad too. I listened quietly. He went into a state of silence again something he does often only to come out of it to say what needed to he said, often returning to his domain of silence. The silence prolonged. I moved away from the room - his room, to let him be with his thoughts. I knew he had moved on to attend to his numerous duties and other matters.
I cannot believe that I had written this piece and posted it back then. But it is there, these words staring back at me. What can I say further but to retreat in silence.