It suddenly dawned on me as I am writing this post why Agathiyar ending the puja and charity, keeps me writing and at other times do nothing, instead of like others who continue to chant, recite, meditate, and carry on charity. I understand why the chanting stopped on its own, why the recitation ended abruptly, and why I cannot bring myself to enter a state of meditation as much as I tried. I realized I do not need to chant, recite, or meditate on his name and form for in writing I am thinking and saying his name mentally and writing it out dozens of times, exceeding even the 100,000 times he asked to chant his name to give life to his bronze statue when he arrived at my home in 2010.
When Tavayogi stepped on our soil he observed that the general public were temple worshippers. None sought Gnanam he told me as he sat listening to their problems and griviences. He told me that these can be overcome by reasoning and finding a solution. But as for the suffering as with poverty and illnesses, one has to seek help in the right places. The Siddhas would help identify the cause and provide remedies. Coming to their worship will to an extent help them face these miseries.
When Agathiyar came around asking all those gathered what they wanted and turned to me finally I was lost for an answer as I had nothing to ask of him. He has showered me with his blessings. I had food and shelter. I had no debts. I had no enemies. Life was blissful. But as he sat waiting for an answer I wired my brain to come up with something that very instant. Like instant noodles served in 2 minutes, I got the answer that if I were to serve him for life and the many births to come that would be a way of repaying his kindness, love, compassion, and grace. But when he asked me if that was what I wanted, reminding me of Tavayogi's answers to our replies, I knew it was not the "thing" to ask. As I kept quiet he moved on. Later coming another day, he who had eavesdropped on my conversation with Mahindren over the phone about this and our arrival at an answer that we should ask Gnanam as Tavayogi always says, Agathiyar suddenly surprised me by saying that I had asked for Gnanam. He began to speak on it and the days to come, enlightening us on the last phase of our journey after coming out of Sariyai into Kriyai and taking up Yoga.
"You asked of me Gnanam."
நீ என்னிடம் கேட்டது ஞானம்.
Agathiyar on defining Gnanam says,
"Gnanam is not gifted but has to be earned and experienced. When one goes within, as the journey brings upon subtle experiences these shall translate into and become Gnanam. It defers to each person." Just as no one can predict the path the Kundalini takes, Agathiyar too says that of Gnanam that it shall vary among people. "As such I cannot possibly define it. Hence I cannot say exactly what shall take place."
ஞானம் என்பது நான் தருவதல்ல. நீ கற்பது. ஒருவன் தனக்குள் உள்வாங்கி அவனுள் பயணம் துவங்கும் நேரம் அப்பயணம் தரும் பாதிப்பே ஞானம். அவை ஒவ்வொருவருக்கும் மாற்றம் பெரும். ஆகையால் அவை நான் இதுதான் என்று சொல்ல இயலாது.
Agathiyar says further of Gnanam, "The truth shall dawn when we go within. When the veil is drawn aside the truth is revealed. When the truth is known the veil is shed. That is the moment of Gnanam. It is not hokus pokus. It is beyond that too."
நீங்கள் உள் பயணிக்கும் போது எல்லாம் தெரிய வரும். எல்லாம் தெளிவாகத் தெரியும் சமயம் திரை விலகியதற்கு அர்த்தம். அதுதான் ஞானம். எல்லாம் தெரிய வந்ததால் திரை விலகியதற்கு அர்த்தம் தானே? இது மந்திர ஜாலம் அல்ல. அதற்கும் அப்பால் பட்டது.
He adds, "Gnanam does not come easy. It's a long journey. It does not come to all. The mind has to settle for Gnanam to dawn."
ஞானம் அவ்வளவு எளிதல்ல. அது நீண்ட பயணம். எல்லோருக்கும் கிட்டாது. மனம் அடங்கினால் ஞானம் சித்திக்கும்.
"When one brings his awareness to his breath and starts the journey going within, the result is Gnanam." He points out to me saying that it (the breath) is happening in me now. "Nothing (our efforts) goes to waste. The breath that you inhale and exhale now shall go on on its own. Whenever you realize this ride that breath and go within it. Merge with it. That moment of the merger is Gnanam."
இப்பொழுது உன்னில் அது நடக்கிறது. யாவும் பயனற்று போகாது. நீயாய் சுவாசித்த தருவாயில் இனி உன்னை கேட்காமல் உல் ஓடும். எப்போது அவ் ஊடுறுதலை நீ உணர்வாயோ இருக்கும் இடம் அறிந்து அதனுள் பயணம் செய். கலந்து போ. அதனுள் கலக்கும் தருணமே ஞானம்.
Agathiyar reveals "All this while you have gained worldly knowledge or Ulaga Gnanam. Now you shall gain Gnanam that is going to serve you."
நீ இதுவரையில் கண்ட ஞானம் உலக வாழ்க்கை ஞானம். இனி காணப்போவது உனக்கான ஞானம்.
Tavayogi who defined God as Agathiyar, then as Light, as Lord Siva, and finally as the breath or Vaasi, similarly defines Gnanam in many dimensions. Knowing the source is Gnanam. Gnanam is akin to becoming enlightened. Knowing creation is Gnanam. Knowing the truth of life is Gnanam. Knowing the Atma is Gnanam. Gnanam is God. Holding onto the source of birth brings one to know the end. This is Gnanam.
பிறப்பின் தொடக்கத்தைப் பிடித்து முடிவையும் அறிவதே ஞானம். ஆதி அந்தக் குறி தெரிவதுதான் ஞானம். ஞானம் அடைதல் என்றால் அறிவின் தெளிந்த நிலை. ஞாலத்தை அறிதல் ஞானம். உயிரானது பெரும் உண்மைத் தெளிவுதான் அறிவு அல்லது ஞானம். ஆத்ம அறிவின் தெளிவே ஞானம். ஞானமே கடவுள்.
After all the years of puja, charity, and Yoga, Agathiyar asked that I share my knowledge of the Atma with those keen to learn. I was tasked to bring those lagging behind to the forefront. I guess he is asking me to fulfill further another of his 5 tenets for mankind, by helping uplift the spiritual lives of others and help them evolve too. He asks to hold monthly sessions and share the results of my personal search to know the Atma with them. He made it clear that I was to only preach and that the results were solely dependent on them.
இனி இங்கு ஆத்ம ஞானம் மட்டுமே நடக்கும். பின்னனிருப்போர் உந்தி தள்ளிக் கொண்டுவா. மாதத்திற்கு ஒரு முறை எமது பக்தர்களுக்கு அழைப்பிடு. ஆன்மஞானத்தை அறிய விரும்புவோருக்குக் கற்பித்து வா. எனது முழு ஆசியினை பெற்ற சீடனப்பா நீ. உன்னில் இருக்கும் ஆன்மாவின் தேடலை மற்றவர்களுக்கும் வரச்செய். அவர் அவர் எண்ணம்போல் உமது போதனை அவர்களை அடையும். போதிப்பது மட்டுமே உனது கடமை. பலன் அவர்களுடையது.
He tells me since I am a householder he has no intention of pulling me away to take up the role of a guru.
இல்வாழ்க்கையில் இருப்பதினாலே உன்னை யாம் தனித்து குருவாக்க விரும்பவில்லை.
Then it all changed one day. He asked me recently if he should make me a guru and immediately dropped that suggestion and told me that he would make me a Siddha instead.
Now there was the last hurdle to cross. I had to know about Maya and her deceit. The heavenly bodies got together to stage a drama or Lila for this purpose causing chaos and turmoil. Lord Siva, Agathiyar, and Lord Indra began their divine play with the entry of Ramalinga Adigal and in cohesion with Bhogar. They played their game well. Lord Murugan came to disclose their game. It was akin to the mythical episode of churning the ocean by the Devas led by Lord Indra and the Asuras with whom they made a pact. Lord Siva consumes the poison from the depths of the ocean and Dhanvantari brings forth the Amrita or ambrosia, the heavenly nectar of immortality, and "rejuvenated by the Amrita, the Devas emerged victorious and exiled the asuras to the Pataloka, regaining Svarga"1,
We wondered why Agathiyar was rocking the boat?
Ramalinga Adigal had sang in his Arutpa,
பையுடைப்பாம் பனையரொடும் ஆடுகின்றோய் எனது
பண்பறிந்தே நண்புவைத்த பண்புடையோய் இன்னே
செய்யுடைஎன் னொடுகூடி ஆடஎழுந் தருள்வாய்
சித்தசிகா மணியேஎன் திருநடநா யகனே.
Just as Ramalinga Adigal sang he did not seek the pleasures that others sought and went after and neither did he seek to see heaven but instead yearned for the divine's play or Lila, which resulted in Gnanam, I came to realize that at the end of the day, we gained distilled understanding and Gnanam from the whole episode though it was truly chaotic and practically life-shattering. And to think that this was what Ramalinga Adigal had wished for himself that they should play their divine play or game on him so that it would bring on Gnanam, places him above the rest.
Agathiyar had told us much earlier in speaking about Gnanam that we shall come to see it all as their play, "All the worlds are seen. All creation, its sustenance, its destruction, the veiling, and the showering of grace shall be known. Eventually, it will be seen and known that it is all a play of ours."
எல்லா லோகமும் தெரிய வரும். ஐந்தொழில் தெரிய வரும். அனைத்து தத்துவங்களும் தெரிய வரும். எல்லாம் எங்களின் விளையாட்டு என்று தெரிய வரும்.
It is pretty obvious that they are bringing us to accept everything as their play. It makes me recall the song "Kurai Ondrum Ellai Marai Moorthy Kanna".
If Agathiyar had isolated me in the wake of the pandemic asking me to go within and sleep in his prayer room, and later asked that I observe the breath, now he wants me to observe the silence within the breath. Both he and Lord Muruga have asked me to do nothing else now.
1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samudra_Manthana