This journey has been one of going through the mill, having been teased, tested, and thrashed since day one. The first day I saw the Nadi in 2002, and its contents were read to me, Agathiyar asked that I build a temple for him. The young Sivabalan, who was in his twenties, who brought the Nadi readers over from India, "thrashed" my joy and brought me down to earth as I was elevated, and my feet did not touch the ground, excited and thinking that I was special in their eyes. He told me that Agathiyar had requested fifty others in their Nadi readings, too, but none complied. He added that if I had the resources to proceed with his request. Since I was in no position to build a new temple from scratch, I did scout around for a space in existing temples to place Agathiyar, but as the temple committees were not accommodating, I dropped the effort. It was puzzling that Agathiyar told me that I wished it, though I did not ask for it.
The first day Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal stepped into my family home in 2005, he "thrashed" my joy in having him over and brought me down to earth as I was elevated, and my feet did not touch the ground, then, too. He told me that he was not special and not a holy man and not to believe that he had something hidden within his safron robes. He added that he was a nobody and instead asked me to hold on to Agathiyar. When Agathiyar asked me in the Nadi to spend some days with Tavayogi at his Kallar Ashram, the latter "killed" any dormant desires that might arise later in me, telling me that I did not need to wear a Rudraksha bead when a devotee from Tiruvanamalai sought his consent to wear one which he gave him. Subsequently, I removed the Rasamani bead and the nine-gem-studded gold ring I was wearing then, too.
Agathiyar teased and tested me, days before he arrived in the form of a bronze statue, commissioned and made in Swamimalai in India in 2009/2010 as per his directives in the Nadi, with Varadaraj of Bronze Creative telling me that Agathiyar would not make it for his Jayanthi festival at my home one instant, and then threw in a pleasant surprise at the eleventh hour telling me that Agathiyar had boarded the plane for Malaysia.
In 2018, Lord Murugan, who came through a Nadi reading, teased and rekindled the subject of the temple, asking for one for himself. As I did not move, he sent Agathiyar, who came through a devotee, during a temple puja, to ask if I was going to do it. Since I remained silent, Agathiyar replied that he would do it in eighteen months. When nothing moved after the said period, he came in the Nadi, telling me that he had tested me. Later, he tells me that the temple Lord Murugan mentioned was in fact my home, where they have come to reside.
In 2019, Agathiyar had me dissolve the WhatsApp group "Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia" (AVM) that was formed with the coming together of seekers at my home beginning in 2013 to witness the Pournami Puja and to carry out charity. Agathiyar had tested me on my attachment to the position and authority, the attention and addiction that came with it. It was easy to let go though, as Tavayogi had, since day one, thrashed me and had me drop my hold on desires and askings.
In 2023, Agathiyar asked that I move him to another devotee's home. I did as requested. I just have the oil lamp burn in his place. It was easy as I had learned to let go. Surprisingly he came back home to our surprise with Lobama accompanying him, on Guru Purnima in July the following year. Agathiyar had tested me on my attachment to his form. Finally, he told me that I should even let go of him, for how else can we become one? He was bringing me from Dvaita to Advaita.
Just when I thought that I had stepped into the threshold of Gnanam, having surfed Sariyai, Kriyai, and Yogam successfully, Agathiyar teased me, asking if he should make me a guru? He tells me that I had wanted it, though I never asked for it. Giving in to him finally, since I had rejected his numerous offers previously, including the Nadi for my use and others, and the gift of healing others, almost immediately, he tells me that he won't do that. Instead, he told me that he would make me one of their kind.
Yesterday, he went on to kill my Ego further, in having me be with devotees who took up the fire walking ritual, at a temple thrashing whatever thought I might have, thinking that I was much superior to others as I had reached and stood at the door to Gnanam. In those moments, I saw the simple but strong faith these devotees had in the Divine energies to see through the ordeal as they stepped onto the embers of the burning fire pit.