I will be turning 65 this weekend. As I was chatting on a video call with my second grandaughter who was engrossed in something at her desk, refusing to show me or tell me, in walked her elder sister and spilled the beans. Apparently, she was making me a birthday card. The poor girl cried when her sister revealed what was supposed to be a closely kept secret in their family. She wanted to surprise me on that day. The greatest moments are spent with family and friends and at times with unknown strangers too. These moments add spice to an otherwise dry and rigid lifeless robotic life for many.
I had a good life, although my family's fate which was well and doing financially took a dip suddenly. But we did not go hungry. The siblings each took up a job and we managed quite well. I am grateful that the divine takes care of our needs to this day.
So what have I learned in all these 65 years of living? Nothing extraordinary. I guess all of us have gone through our ups and downs in life. I do not want to bore my readers with my life story. But what excites me to this hour and moment is the journey that fell into place and the experiences that came with walking the Siddha path. From God to guru, to father, to companion, today Agathiyar is part of our family. For how else would you define the surprise 60th wedding that he threw in for me and my wife on last Guru Purnima. Coming to know Agathiyar is the best thing that has happened to me besides the many good moments I have had with my grandchildren and listening to them spill wisdom. Just as Tavayogi and Agathiyar had on numerous moments knocked some sense into me, my grandchildren too tend to do that unknowingly. I had washed their dog pen and cleaned the bottom pad just days ago. My second granddaughter asked to feed the dog. As she placed the dog food into the dog's bowl, the dog that forever kept jumping, around just as its owner as her elder sister teased her, toppled the bowl and spilled it. I scolded my granddaughter for not being careful and holding on to the bowl. I later regretted it when I came to my senses and told her that it was not her fault but the dog's. I apologized to her. I then said to her that we both had learned a lesson that day. We should hold the dog back when we fill her bowl. Or she should train her dog to sit and wait to be told to eat. Later upon visiting her uncle, she told him what had happened. He saw the whole episode from a different perspective. He told her that of course, one would blame the owner for the pet's fault. The law penalizes the pet owner too. This 8-month-old puppy was a birthday gift for this 4-year-old.
In walking the path I came to walk with gurus, Supramania Swami of Thiruvannamalai and Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram, two men who shared their experiences with their gurus and God. Not only did they share their experiences they showed me God. Not the God as portrayed in images and statues and texts and movies, but God coming alive within us and living as our inner Self, God as he lives in all of us. I am grateful to them.
My search has ended. My traveling has ended. All my talking has ended. All my doing too had ended. I am contended and complete. I am happy to the core. I am alive with a renewed energy that has its source in the Prapanjam that is all around us and we in it. My gurus and Agathiyar have brought me to this understanding. They have given me this experience. I thank them. I am grateful to them.
I am now standing at the last frontier. There is still this element of separation between us. I have to lose this identity to become one with the divine. I have to move from Dvaita to Advaita. Death does not help here. This separation has to dissolve right here. The union has to take place right here. Will it take place?
Just as John F. Kennedy took to the stage at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on July 15th, 1960, and told those gathered that "Today our concern must be with that future. For the world is changing. The old era is ending. The old ways will not do", Agathiyar too shared with us the same telling us changes have to be made to bring and keep people on this path. I believe we at AVM have made some wonderful constructive and relevant changes in Sariyai, Kriyai, and Yogam. Agathiyar came to bring further changes by disseminating Gnanam. Lord Muruga in asking me for a temple for him, told me that I shall show him in a different light. The Siddhas and Gods too apparently are advocates for change. In the movie "Hot Spot" too, we are told that someone has to bring the change. Let that someone be us.
So where do we begin to bring this change? Of course within ourselves. Agathiyar who came along asking many to carry out the Yoga practices that Tavayogi gave me and which he asked to teach Mahindren who was in turn told to teach others, was saddened by the poor response he got. Many who came to the path began to substitute temple worship and worship of deities as in Sariyai with worship of the Siddhas as in Kriyai and never progressed into the other phases, stages, and states of Yogam and Gnanam. They became comfortable doing what they did. As they could not voluntarily bring themselves to move on to the other phases nor could Agathiyar break their hold, he made a drastic move. He brought down the home that sheltered them. But it was all for their own good.
Man has to evolve and keep on evolving with each birth. Agathiyar tells me that he has known me for crores of years. I guess it took me that long to arrive here at this birth. He has shadowed me closely helping me shed my Karma, know the rights and wrongs, and grow from these experiences. The experiences gained from this life shall add to my past account. I am safe under his watchful eyes. I shall go with the flow. I shall walk his talk till the breath departs.