UNFOUNDED FEAR 1

It has been some days since I wrote my last post. I am practically living alone these days. In those hours of loneliness, I have only my thoughts accompany me. Memories of the past drop in and visit me at times. Then a sudden unfounded fear grips me and I begin to pace the floor of my home. This sudden unknown fear comes on so intense that I lose sleep. I am awake in these hours facing my own fears. There is no one I can call up and hold a conversation in these wee hours of the night and early mornings. Facing the fear of the unknown is death. I'm going through this phase. Just as losing a limb, an eye, or hearing, etc scares the the wits out of me, in these moments of silence I am left only with my Self, breath, thoughts, and memory. I come face to face with existence without the superficialities of life and living. Agathiyar took ownership of all the doings creating events that sparked the perfect scenario and space for me to be alone. I wonder how he chose me to go through this transformation towards losing the body and engaging with the soul, knowing pretty much that I was a scaredy-cat? He came earlier and questioned me on these fears telling me that death was but another door to another journey.

I SHALL WRITE FURTHER

When Agathiyar asked me to refrain from all my previous activities and go within in late 2019, and after activating the energies within in 2022, he asked that I do nothing further and that these energies shall do their work, now as he asked that I observe silence, I figured even writing this blog would not comply with being silent. He came last Thursday to clear the air. Asking a new couple who had stepped onto the path to document their experiences telling them that the Siddhas did just that, he answered my doubt. He told them that I was blogging my experiences and that my writings were read by many. Later as I stood before him he told me he had answered my question speaking to this couple. I guess writing does not amount to disturbing the silence that I was to adhere to. Just as he told I checked on the readership and was pleased that his message was reaching out to many. The past week's readership is as follows.

TO LISTEN & ADOPT OR NOT 3

The third interesting topic that has surfaced again is the need or otherwise to adopt a vegetarian menu. The friend who voiced mailed me his opinion after reading Robert E. Svoboda's book "Aghora II: Kundalini" where the author writes that effect, instrument, and action are all one, feels that it is immaterial and baseless as it is defined by our specific needs. Going by Robert's words the reader understood that the goat, the butcher, and the action were one and saw "The act of slaughtering and killing the goat is also predestined by the higher entity." Is it all for a higher purpose he asks? So who are we to say something is right and another wrong, he asks further. Indeed Agathiyar had said that there is no right and wrong when we arrive at his understanding of the world and matters of the world.

I had previously written extensively on vegetarianism at

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2024/10/thank-you.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2017/04/walking-middle-way.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2024/02/the-souls-desire.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2024/04/the-pitholds.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2019/02/to-be-or-not-to-be.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2024/06/awaken.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2024/09/learning-further.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2017/07/blessed-to-have-meal.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2023/06/go-green.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2022/01/to-be-or-not-to-be-vegetarian-revisited.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2018/10/to-be-or-not-to-be.html

Indeed Agathiyar has brought us to this last phase where Sadhu Om has expressed the teachings of Bhagawan Ramana in his songs too. We shall be at peace when we come to know that all is entirely the divine's doing. All our opinions would not hold water. Our thought bubble breaks and sheds its water as raindrops falling to the ground and flowing away. The Ego that ruled us all this while now goes into hiding. The soul or Atma begins to speak clearly, in silence, driving away all the confusion that we had harbored all this while. We become a white sheet again. 

TO LISTEN & ADOPT OR NOT 2

Another interesting topic that my friend and I spoke about over the phone was that of Karma. Though it was Agathiyar who opened the can of worms by looking into the stars or rather the Nadi that is supposedly written way back in the past by the Siddhas, copies of which were later made by men and read by Nadi readers in present times, revealing and telling us about our past Karma that brought on this birth and the sufferings as most often only those who cannot comprehend life and its misgivings reach out to the Nadi to know what the hack was happening, eventually Agathiyar swallows up the very poison freeing us to partake the ambrosia hidden in the depth of the ocean as told in the Puranas or more correctly in oneself. 

As I walked the way and the path with him, he revealed that it was not all and entirely my past actions that resulted in the happenings in my life. He revealed that he had a hand in it too. He had pushed me into circumstances that I would have avoided naturally or if left to me, so that I could have those experiences that came out of these moments and gather the life lessons. As such he told me not to blame myself and to pardon myself. In taking on the blame partially, he told me not to shoulder it entirely. Now he calls up my family and friends and tells them that all was his doing taking the blame entirely for all the happenings in our lives currently. Here too he tells us that we each have a lesson to learn from these experiences. 

Then another friend, reader, and devotee of Agathiyar sent me a snapshot of a page from the book "Aghora II: Kundalini" by Robert E. Svoboda that he was currently reading at a very appropriate moment. The author writes that effect, instrument, and action are all one, summarizing what Agathiyar told us.

When an angry Vivekananda stood before Goddess Kali wanting to know why she kept quiet as some fanatics brought down the places of worship, she stunned him and all of us by replying that it was all her doing. Today she sends some people to erect places of worship and tomorrow she sends another number of people to tear it down. Closer to home, we saw how Agathiyar gathered several youths at my home that then turned into Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), bringing puja into the homes and temples and charity into the old folks and children's homes, the homes of the less fortunate and poor and those who did not have a roof over their head squatting and living off the streets, and bringing compassion and love into the hearts of those who engaged in them, then flipped the coin and had me bring down the shutters in the wake of the appending pandemic worldwide, and before a cancer which had spread in another movement could infiltrate into AVM. 

Understanding how Karma can consciously affect the lives of his patients, a Siddha practitioner and devotee of Agathiyar had to make a bold move in denying Karma, the past birth, and that in the future. I had invited him to speak to us about keeping well following the Siddhar Vazhkai Neri Murai or the way of the Siddhas. When he surprised me by saying that the above three were not true, I kept quiet and let him finish. When he had returned home, I called him up and told him that he had erred and that all three were true as the Siddhas have professed and spoken about them. He agreed but explained that he had a reason to say so. People who came to see him were stuck on the subject of Karma, blaming themselves, and were low in spirit. How can the body heal then? How can the herbal medicines and preparations he gave begin to work on them? In pulling the rug from under their feet though they fell on their faces they went back cheerful and most importantly with a positive view that both their lives and health would change for the better. I understood that he meant well. Agathiyar too often has asked what use would it be to us to know certain things. A man who insisted on wanting to know his dreadful past, ended his life after Agathiyar gave in to his insistence and revealed the past. If some things did more harm than good, it is all right I believe to not to unexposed them or leave them hidden. 

Similarly, my friend who spoke to me seemed to be caught in the net of Karma for as he was following Nadi reading for himself and for the public, he was disturbed thinking if this circle and cycle would ever end. 

Agathiyar who threw the dice and made us move up the game of snake and ladder or fall down, has stopped throwing the dice. He finally tells my family to go ahead and do whatever we want and that he shall stand with us in all our decisions. He has apparently erased the word Karma from our dictionary and our lives. He has freed us. We are free to move. Could this be what Tavayogi told me back then that the soul should not be caged and set free to explore?

TO LISTEN & ADOPT OR NOT 1

An interesting topic cropped up in the hour-long talk with a friend, reader, and fellow devotee of Agathiyar a couple of days ago. If it is important to listen and follow what we are told by Agathiyar in private, should we follow what is said and given to others in their private moments with Agathiyar in a Nadi reading, in a public forum, or shared on websites and blogs? Should we hold on to everything said by Agathiyar in common forums and addressed to those gathered before Nadi readers, and in the Nadi readings, and readings for individuals? My friend tells me that he felt burdened at times with various pujas picked up from all these places. All these readings and knowing became a burden for him to follow and execute at the expense of leaving behind all the simple puja and practices he had been doing all this while which had brought him much joy. The joy is lost in trying desperately to live up to whatever is shared.

Generally, the Siddhas shall spell out the way and path to those keen to follow. These can be adopted by all. But once we begin traveling the way and the path, no two individuals shall encounter and experience this mystical journey alike. Both would have taken numerous numbers of births and traveled far in each birth only to come back to continue from where they left off or might even have to start from zero again. Each soul carries tons of unfulfilled desires and wants, accumulated from past births, and begins to develop new desires and wants, preferences, likes, dislikes, etc individually as he grows up and experiences the world around him. A country mouse and a city mouse can never be the same until either switches places and experiences each other's life. So even if both are in the same place and time, the vision, what he apparently sees and hears, his corresponding action or inaction and emotion, perspective, the opinion that surfaces, his experience, and finally the lesson he learns from them might vary extremely. One might just walk away from it unfazed and as if nothing took place while another would find himself touched and blown to pieces with what he saw and heard, changing his perspective, opinion, belief, and faith and his very life forever henceforth. 

A general reading is as much as showing the way and the path. So too whenever Tavayogi took the stage and addressed the public, onlookers, seekers, followers, and devotees, he would speak about the way and the path. Though he gave us initiations, practices, and methods to adopt and put into practice, it is only during private moments that he brings home the message and pertinent points regarding these tools and only after we have diligently followed them and arrived at experiencing them. Agathiyar does the same too. Otherwise, it is merely a piece of paper of no value distributed to all as with pamphlets and leaflets. It is only in us adopting the way and the path, the practice and method that it gains added value and we gain its benefits. 

After Agathiyar started me off on the journey upon me heeding the call to read the Nadi, arming me with his painting and a long list of Siddha names to recite, and after I had picked up several methods from the many centers I visited, the many works of literature I read, the many videos and audio I listened to, he sent me looking up Tavayogi who was in town after his name rang a bell as I had kept the pamphlet and leaflet of him sourcing funds to build a temple for Agathiyar in Kallar, passed on by the Nadi reader in 2002. Coming as a guru in the physical form, who initiated me into the way and the path officially, giving me Agathiyar's mantra, he later initiated me to carry out the Homam in my home in 2005 and came again to initiate me on certain Yoga practices in 2007. The activation and flow of the river of energy within initially took place after putting into practice the Yogic techniques and stagnated and ponded after 2010. Unknown to me at both times, then Agathiyar came in 2022 to give it the magic touch and thenceforth there was no stopping its rapid movement traversing numerous rapids and whirlpools. 

Although Tavayogi like other gurus started us off on our journey with the basics laying the foundation stone as in Sariyai and Kriyai, since day one Tavayogi had told us to move on to the other phases of Yoga and Gnanam. Indeed he brought us to Yoga and Agathiyar took it up from there. The river of pain and joy finally reached the ocean of bliss and merged in the bliss of the Param. Though many came before Tavayogi and even those who stood in line with me to receive the method and practice, for lack of commitment, discipline, and practice they fell back and eventually fell out of the "race". 

Just as a home is "alive" if there are people residing in it, and just as a theme park is lively with people patronizing it, a way and a path are there if people walk on it. Otherwise, just as the home becomes haunted, and the park is deserted, the path is overgrown with undergrowth and lost from sight. Hence the reason Agathiyar told me that we have to keep the way and the path alive, for it shall be lost in generations to come, he said. 

A SHARING

Science is uncovering many wonders and mysteries of the world and beyond. We look to science to explain and prove many things already in existence, wanting to understand how things work or function. So too is science keen to decipher and decode the many miracles and magic that some Siddhas, masters, gurus, and Holy men have been known to perform. A psychologist came looking for me at a temple celebration after reading this blog to know if my conversations with Agathiyar were mere hallucinations and the game the mind played. Many things that we believe and hold dear too are still unfathomed and not understood. Agathiyar is said to have sat in Tavam or meditation in the way past for some 12 long years at the bottom of the sea. In present times Isakhi Siddhar vanished into a hole in a crack on the wall at a run-down Siva Temple in Tiruvannamalai. Yogi Ramsuratkumar was engrossed in watching the beauty of some seven moons in Tiruvannamalai too. I personally stepped into what I believe was a different space and time at Palani on my first visit in 2003 as when I visited Bhogar's Sannadhi later in 2005 and 2016 it was a pretty roll-of-the-mill thing. When we were doubting if the space at the newly built Yaga Kudam or the place built to conduct the Yagam at the Mayuranathar temple in Dengkil would accommodate the 108 oil lamps we were to light up later, we were amazed and delighted to see the next day a much spacious space. It is as if watching Marvel Studio's "Doctor Strange" movie.

If modern-day gurus pass on powers and magical gifts, initiate and activate dormant energies within to awake and travel in passing in seekers and the general public alike, Agathiyar had us work for it and work towards it, for only then shall we appreciate and cherish the fruits of our efforts. Tavayogi told me that a guru shall test his student for some 12 years before parting with his knowledge. If upon stepping into Yoga, one immediately is eager to know about the Kundalini, Tavayogi only spoke about it after 11 years. One has to prepare his body to be able to withstand its awakening and later be able to manage it. I am struggling to manage this force well after it was activated with the practice of the Yoga techniques given by Tavayogi in 2007. The struggle is all shared on the pages of this blog.

This blog has served many in their quest to come closer to Agathiyar I believe when readers and friends share their thoughts and experiences with me later. I have often shared their notes on this blog too. Going through my phone on December 24 to uninstall less used apps, I saw a Missed Call from a friend and reader that he had made on 26 August. When I called him up he told me that he had never made a call on this app. We were both equally surprised. We figured out that we were to have that conversation. After an hour and 5 minutes of quality time on the phone, he messaged me last night the following that brought tears to my eyes. Here was a true soul eager to meet Agastya Muni.

For some years I have been following the path shown by Agastya Rishi, My journey during this time has been strewn with expectations, joy, sadness, confusion, dreams, encounters with evolved souls, and nadi readings both general readings and personal. Not to forget my own talks with Agathiar ji....my personal space with HIM.

During a call with Shan Sir (my friend, my guide) which happened after a long time just yday I did discuss with him what I was going through recently and how I felt burdened at times with various pujas ...I think I needed his nod just to tell me that what I was thinking was not wrong.

To summarize let me put it as

a) When with Agathiar ji there is no need to fear. Fear and Guru are not compatible. They just do not go together. Choose one of them.

b) Do not be burdened with the externals...look forward and immerse in those moments of solitude with HIM....which happen at the drop of the hat...anywhere any time.

c ) Can u hear His name always coming from somewhere within.

d) Don't carry the guilt of your karmas or matter of fact any guilt once you and HE have decided to go along. Leave it to HIM. He will handle you better than what you will be able to do for yourself.

e) For once be free and just go with the flow...

"Let it be." Tomorrow is not in our hands, but yes... we must keep walking, working, striving ...the efforts must not stop. Father is watching...hearing..listening. Remember you do not have bad karma...if you did you would be alone..not with HIM. He would not be holding you.

Thanks, Shan Sir, ...thanks a ton ... a hrs call is a long talk...it came when needed most.

AGATHIYAR JAYANTHI

Today on the 20th anniversary of the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake and tsunami, the dailies and news channels carried the story of the devastating tsunami that struck on December 26. I was at Kallar ashram a year after the devastation where Tavayogi told me that he planned to start a Yagam to appease Mother Nature and prevent similar misfortunes from taking place in the future. Upon returning home, he asked me to carry out a similar ritual but on a smaller scale called the Homam in my home to coincide with the Jayanthi of Agathiyar. He has been doing it continuously all these years. In his absence, Mataji is carrying out the tradition. As for me I too carried out the Homam on the same day taking into account the exact time of Agathiyar's birth 10 hours and 54 minutes after the birth of the star Ahilyam during the month of Margazhi. But along the way, Agathiyar told me to carry it out to coincide with Thaipusam during the birth of the star Pusam during the Tamil month of Thai. We followed as directed but I and my family still did a simple puja on his Jayanthi. As Agathiyar after bringing all rituals to a halt told us that we could take it up as and when required as when Lord Shiva at the height of the pandemic instructed us to light the Homam and Prapanjam or Mother Earth came in later years to ask us to carry it out as there was a possibility of its revival, we followed accordingly. Last Thursday though I did not plan to carry out any ritual, my wife who is looking after her mother and father in her hometown told me that she had offered prayers as the practice had sunk into her, I took heed of it as a sign and carried out a Homam followed by Abhisegam to Agathiyar and Loba Ma's Murti or statue. As I was used to dressing up Agathiyar since his arrival in 2010, with the arrival of Loba Ma it was the very first time I was going to dress her up. I joked with her that since I never tied a saree for my wife Ma had to bear with me. But Mahindren who is the one who comes by to dress her up seeing the photos I sent him complimented me for a job well done being a first-timer. 

As there was only milk in the refrigerator I warmed it up and served them while I took bread for dinner. But I guess Agathiyar and Loba Ma wanted to give me a treat that day and share the meal too. My 3-year-old grandson had just returned from his grandma's with a piece of Pizza. His sisters asked what about them? As I was on a video call with my grandaughter then I asked her mother to order Pizza for all and that I shall pay for it. The message was relayed to my second daughter who placed the order. Minutes later she sent me the message that my order was in the kitchen and to await its delivery.  She had thought that I wanted the Pizza to be sent to me at my home. As they did not accept a cancellation, the Pizza was delivered to AVM, and Agathiyar, Loba Ma, and I, the threesome partook in it happily, laughing at Agathiyar's game. 

As I decided to do the prayers in the 11th hour, I had no garland on hand to complete the attire. But Agathiyar fulfilled that by sending over a family who dropped by to pray at AVM on Sunday. It was the first time I knew that a garland could be made of clove. Earlier in July, I was surprised to see the florist make a garland out of cardamom when I placed an order for a pair of garlands for my 60th wedding. 

Mataji, Kumarsamy Aiya, and Shankar Aiya sent me invitations, photos, and videos of the celebrations conducted at Agathiyar's temple and ashram at Kallar, Anuvavi, and Kumbakonam respectively. 

TEMPTATIONS

G.Valmikanathan in his book ‘Makers of Indian Literature - Ramalingam’, published by Sahitya Akademi (e-book at http://www.vallalar.org) traces Ramalinga Adigal’s brilliant journey on the pathway to God dividing it into three major portions beginning with 

• "the purgative way, purging himself of all desires and attachments, of all imperfections, 
• the illuminative way, in which he gains illumination, knowledge, and gnosis, and finally, 
• the unitive way where he gallops on with increasing tempo towards the beckoning smile and the outstretched arms, and is soon locked in an eternal embrace with the beloved, the eternal being, the Godhead, the ground of all being. It is composed of several experiences of recollection, quietness and contemplation, ecstasy, and rapture among others".

Somewhere in 2022, in helping me to journey further, Agathiyar broke the bunds that held back the energy that was activated with the opening of the Muladhara in 2007 but which had somewhat stagnated and pooled at Svadhishthana. Within days the energy began to pool again this time at the Sahasrara or Crown Chakra and has remained there since. The battle is not over yet. After evading the potholes on the path and finally breathing a sigh of relief at having arrived, one has to look out for sinkholes that could appear right on our steps. Agathiyar cautions me of losing my temper which would see me fall from this state of bliss back into the lower regions. In coming to know the Self, and in watching the Self I have come to become aware of the shadow image SELF - sex, ego, lies, and falsehood that follows us closely. This is the downfall of many an apparently holy man. Even one sitting on the throne and doing God's work is faced with temptations. Temptations lurk around us trying to pull us back into the vicious circle of the dark side of life. We have to die to all these temptations and be resurrected from this dust anew. Burying them would do no good. It has to be burnt in the fire of rituals, austerities, Tapas, and Tavam. Hence the reason for bringing us through the four phases of Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam, and Gnanam. It looks like it will be a lifelong battle. Arriving at the state of a Jeevan Mukta is truly trying and one of numerous tests. 

G.Vanmikanathan tracing Ramalinga Adigal's life in his book, "Pathway to God Trod by Saint Ramalingar", Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Bombay, arrives at the juncture where Ramalinga attains the state of Jeevan Mukti. 

"Here ends our Swaamikal’s journey on the Pathway to God. He has arrived. He has become a Jeevan Muktha, a seeker who has gained what be sought, who has reached the end of his quest. Swaamikal had indeed arrived at his goal, at his journey’s end, and he has nothing more to do on earth than to spend the remaining years prescribed for him by Praarabdha-Karma in adoring contemplation of the Godhead and in loving service to all creatures. The point of utmost importance in Advaita is that every seeker after deliverance may hopefully aim at the goal of Jeevanmukthi …This state of continued life in the body on the part of a knower of Brahman. A Jeevanmuktha does not act on his own volition. God acts through him, and speaks through him."

In "Metaphysics of Saiva Siddhantam - Sivagnana Boodham by Thiruvilankar Canagarayar, l96l, we read that,

"The soul, at this stage, through introspective reflection, arrives at a point where a ray of light falls on the soul in the form of an inspiration. Then the soul discovers the vanity or metamorphosis of the physical world, (the Asat) and is led into meditation. By the Grace of God, the soul becomes blind to the world and attains knowledge of God by His Grace. This is the spiritual truth called Pati Jnanam. The soul which has realized God through  divine knowledge Pati Jnanam, after it had renounced the worlds as changing or Asat, is called Jivan Mukta. The Jivan Mukta should now become one with Siva, just as Siva was one with him in his fettered state. When Jivan Mukta is one with Siva, what he does, would not be his acts, but would be the acts of Siva. For the Ichcha, Jnana, and Kriya states of Jivan Mukta are identical with those of Siva. Whatever Jivan Mukta does is done according to the will of Siva, for Jivan Mukta is in Advaita relation with God, Siva. Jivan Mukta is one living in a body ever after his purification, till he exhausts his residual Karma."

But having attained the state of Jeevan Mukthi Ramalinga Adigal yearned for everlasting evanescent bliss and eternal union. He yearns for Videha Mukthi, release from the body, longs for death, evanescent bliss, and everlasting and eternal union.

"Liable as it is to disease and decay, to pain and putrefaction, the Jeevan-muktha now longs for release from the body, longs for death. The body which was an asset so long has become a liability as soon as the Jeevan-muktha state has been attained, as soon as the mystic union with God has been achieved. The mystic lives with a dread for his companion, the dread of losing the bliss, the ecstatic union with God. So the Jeevan-muktha now longs for death, for release from the human body, for eternal bliss and union everlasting. He has obtained, it is true, supreme bliss, but still not evanescent bliss; he has obtained union with God, but still not eternal union. On having these beatific visions, wisdom and peace descend on the mutinously impatient Jeevan-muktha, impatient for death, impatient to shed the human body, impatient to gain videha mukthi - disembodied release from the cycle of death and birth."

TELLING AGATHIYAR'S STORY

Yesterday, I had a surprise visitor from outstation who was in town and wanted to drop in at AVM. By Agathiyar's grace, the family of four ended up performing their very first homam and returned home contented. We all agreed that it was all Agathiyar's doing. Watching a handful of followers of Fa Lun Chi Kung in the park this morning I addressed their master later as Sifu. He replied he was not a Sifu and that there was only one Sifu, the grand master. It reminded me of Tavayogi showing us to Agathiyar rather than self-proclaiming himself as one. Such humbleness reminds me again of Bhogar who replied to Agathiyar that he knew nothing but only him. When living gurus expect so much of protocols and respect, Agathiyar pops in and out as he pleases. He can come right amid a conversation, either physically through a devotee or through the phone. He surely is making use of all the gadgets and technology available to reach out to us. Just as Velayudham Karthigeyan Aiya of the blog "Sitthan Arul" shared Agathiyar told him that one's face should be forgotten, similarly, Agathiyar wants me to stay away from the public and remain unknown.  

If Agathiyar can be loving and compassionate he can also be the strictest dad taking his staff or the cane to reprimand us. But know that he is harsh at times because of his love for us, not wanting us to while away and waste yet another precious human birth. Agathiyar saw it timely to close AVM just months before the pandemic reared its ugly face fearing that when a cancer had spread in another affiliated movement it would spread into AVM too. It was the fate of AVM or Karma. If it was our Karma that was the reason for this birth and sufferings and pleasures as revealed in the Karma Kaandam of the Nadi reading, coming to worship and travel with him, Agathiyar later tells me that for want of certain experiences and learning he had cleverly executed the chess pieces and checkmate us, taking responsibility partially. Now he tells us everything, good and bad, is his doing taking the blame solely and entirely. Which guru would do that? Agathiyar does. It is like in Jesus taking on our sins God himself takes our place. Tavayogi in asking to ignore the long list of remedies given to my daughter in her Nadi reading, I believe, took on her Karma. When we completely surrender Agathiyar takes on our sins and karma but cautions and warns us not to repeat them again. From living out my Karma, Agathiyar pushed me into undesirable circumstances that we would generally avoid for want of even those experiences, now he says it is entirely all his doing, taking the blame for everything. In other words, he is taking on the Karma that would arise with each action of ours. In telling us to go ahead and that he shall be with us, he has completely wiped out the term Karma and its affliction in our lives. Agathiyar who initially had us walk a round of remedies, then told us to forgive ourselves and others, and that he too shall forgive us, now is taking away the remaining guilt from our hearts to make it pure to receive the grace of Arutperunjothi. 

From bringing us into action to recede into inaction and recede further into silence, he has killed the Ego. If I had only read the Bhagavadgita a few pages, Agathiyar brought us to experience the epic in real life. As Krishna tells Arjuna that the Kurukshetra war was all laid out and planned by him, asking what was he wailing about at having killed his flesh and blood, Agathiyar tells us that it was all planned before. We were merely instruments executing them. This reminds us of Sadhu Om's songs based on Bhagawan Ramana's teaching that conveys the same. Karma is real only as long as we think we're in charge. The moment we come to the understanding that it is all his will, Karma, and with it, the "I" or "Doer" disappears. It is only existence after that. Plain existence. We begin to fit the role given and purpose. We shall have no likes or dislikes. We won't plan. There is no ambition. We just exist. When even our names have been written in the Nadi thousands of years ago it makes us wonder and ask what is truly our doing? Balachandran asked me after his first Nadi reading if his name was already mentioned in the Nadi, purportedly said to have been written thousands of years ago. How can we claim that his parents named him? In asking me to drop the identification to name and body, he is asking me to drop the identification to our other relationships, seeing another as a wife, husband, child, etc, and instead to see all as a soul, nameless and bodiless. Does the tree judge? Does the bird judge? Only man has the following faculties outlined by Thomas Suski at https://www.themindguy.net/article/6-faculties-mind: perception and imagining, thinking, reasoning and analysis, judging and intuition, and willpower.  Besides these man can have beliefs, and opinions, and has experiences, understanding, and learn lessons from them. All techniques and practices are to discipline us. One who is disciplined sails the seas pretty fast and smooth.

Nature is silent. In silence it gives. Just as nature is connected to everything Agathiyar tells me that the silence that prevails beneath all the noise and sounds connects each individual. He asked me to remain silent and in silence connect with all of Prapanjam and tell his story.

IT IS ALL QUIET OUT HERE

If once upon a time (2002) Agathiyar told us that birth and the parcel of joy and sorrow we brought with us was because of our past Karma, after some 22 years he tells us that everything taking place was his doing. He has completely taken over our lives. He is ruling it. Though we are making decisions and acting accordingly, he is pretty much in charge. But at the end of the day, he asks us what we have learned from all that has taken place. If previously we looked up to him for his approval and blessings in all our endeavors, now he tells us to go ahead and he shall support all our moves.

When his devotees would be celebrating his Jayanthi fest all over tomorrow it is rather quiet at AVM. He has not asked us to carry it out. Previously when Tavayogi initiated me to carry out the celebration on a smaller and modest scale in my home coinciding with the lighting of the Yagam at his Kallar Ashram, Agathiyar came along to move the date for us to Thaipusam. But since 2019 he has asked us to drop it all.

IN THE HOURS OF SILENCE

The most important works are accomplished in silence we are told. I took certain lines from poet sage Nakkirar's prayer to Lord Vinayagar, "The Vinayagar Thiruagaval" as my prayer at AVM for years. True to the prayer, Agathiyar has asked me to sit with him in Tavam each time he comes. 

மோனா ஞான முழுதும் அளித்து
சிற்பரிப் பூரண சிவத்தைக் காண
நற்சிவ நிட்கள நாட்டமுந் தந்து
குருவுஞ் சீடனுங் கூடிக் கலந்து
இருவரும் ஒரு தனியிடந் தனிற் சேர்ந்து
தானந்தமாகித் தற்பர வெளியில்
ஆனந்த போத அறிவைக் கலந்து
ஈசனிைணயடியிருத்தி
மனத்தே நீயே நானாய்
நானே நீயாய்க்
காயா புரியைக் கனவெனவுணா்ந்து
எல்லாமுன் செயலென்ேற உணர
நல்லா உன்னருள் நாட்டந் தருவாய்
காரண குருவே கற்பகத் களிேற
வாரணமுகத்து வள்ளலே போற்றி

Richard Schiffman in his "Sri Ramakrishna – A Prophet for the New Age", Paragon House, 1989, writes about the significance and depth of silence. Silence is potent. In silence, the walls that separate the guru and disciple cease to exist, he adds. Both their hearts meet. In these hours of silence, the "self" speaks with the "higher self". In silence, there is neither giving nor receiving. Just being in each other's presence. 

We learn from Ruzbeh Bharucha's writings that sitting in silence has the tendency to fill one with more Param Akash Tatva or Prime Ether and Vairagya Vruti, or disenchantment sets in as we delve deeper and deeper into a state of silence. Ruzbeh says, "It is only the Ether Element that takes one closer to The One." As the causal body is made of Param Akash Tatwa or Prime Ether, Param Vayu Tatwa or Prime Air, and Param Agni Tatwa or Prime Fire, from having us inhale large volumes of Prana or Prime Air through Pranayama that fans and builds up the heat of Tava Kanal or Prime Fire in us in the past, Agathiyar now has us tap the Prime Ether. 

Muruganar shares a story he heard from Ramana himself.

"When the four-aged Sanakadi Rishis first saw the sixteen-year-old Sri Dakshinamurti sitting under the banyan tree, they were at once attracted by him, understanding him to be the real Sadguru. They approached him, did three Pradakshinas around him, prostrated before him, sat at his feet, and began to ask very shrewd and pertinent questions about the nature of Reality and the means of attaining it. Because of the great compassion and fatherly love (Vatsalya) that he felt for his aged disciples, the young Sri Dakshinamurti was overjoyed to see their earnestness, wisdom, and maturity, and hence he gave apt replies to each of their questions. As he answered each consecutive question, further doubts rose in their minds and still they asked further questions. Thus they continued to question Sri Dakshinamurti, for one whole year, and he continued to clear their doubts through his compassionate answers. Finally, however, Sri Dakshinamurti understood that if he gave more answers to their questions more doubts would rise in their minds and hence there would never be an end to their ignorance (Ajnana). Therefore, suppressing even the feeling of compassion and fatherly love that was welling up within him, he merged himself into the supreme silence. Because of their great maturity (which had been ripened to perfection through their year-long association with the Sadguru), as soon as Sri Dakshinamurti thus merged himself, they too were automatically merged within, into silence, the state of Self."

T.R. Kanakammal wrote in the "Mountain Path", that Bhagawan Ramana except when he answered questions, abided in the natural state of absolute silence. His Upadesa was mainly through silence. T.K. Sundaresa Iyer wrote "Sri Bhagavan sat and sat in His usual pose, no, poise. No words, no movement, and all was stillness! He sat still, and all sat still, waiting. The clock went on striking, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, one, two, and three. Sri Bhagavan sat and they sat. Stillness, calmness, motionlessness – not conscious of the body, of space or time. Thus eight hours were passed in Peace, in Silence, in Being, as It is. Thus was the Divine Reality taught through the speech of Silence by Bhagavan Sri Ramana- Dakshinamurthy. At the stroke of 4 a.m. Sri Bhagavan quietly said: “And now have you known the essence of the Dakshinamurti Hymn."

EXPERIENCE & LEARN

I guess I have cried, Wolf! once too often, and way too many times, that my readers will not believe me the next time I say I want to wind up this blog. But it is selfish of me not to share Agathiyar's words that are both music to our ears and a bombardment to our Ego; and wisdom or Gnanam to the Self. 

Agathiyar tells us that if earlier we had tried to understand what Tavayogi wrote in his books, it is time for us to experience these words. Though I had read them earlier, these words echoed in the first few pages of his Atma Gnanam. 

Tavayogi writes that the powerhouse which we tagged as God, that drives all things, using Maya as an instrument, drives our body from birth to death too. To know how it works in us and to feel and experience and to know and find ways to divert this powerhouse to sustain and maintain the breath and the body respectively is indeed Atma Gnanam. Going within these feelings arriving at an enlightened state is attaining Arivu or Gnanam.

இந்த மாபெரும் இயக்கும் சக்தியான இறைவன், மனம் என்னும் மாயக்கருவியால், பிறந்தது முதல், இறப்பு வரை, நமது உடம்பை இயக்கிக் கொண்டிருக்கிறார். இந்த இயக்க சக்தி, நமது உடலில் எப்படிச் செயல்படுகிறது என அறிந்து, அதே இயக்க சக்தியை நாம் உணர்ந்து, அந்த சக்தியை நம்முடைய உடலையும், உயிரையும், பேணப்பயன் படுத்தும் வழிவகைகளை தெரிந்து கொள்வதே ஆத்ம ஞானம். இந்த உணர்ச்சிகளைத் தூய்த்து உயிரானது பெரும் உண்மைத் தெளிவுதான் அறிவு அல்லது ஞானம் எனப்படும்.  

What begins as a fight over my toy, my pencil, and my book, becomes a fight for my space in the car, I want the front seat, etc in a child, then turns out ugly in adults fighting for parking spaces. We then fight to claim our rights and equality. The fight turns into war when countries invade and conquer other countries. The Ego grows into a monster not able to think rationally. We become Asuras. Compassion and love are the least on our vocabulary during these times. If we can miraculously let go of all the above-mentioned things, it is a struggle and battle to let go of one's Ego. If we can let go of all our vices, it is a struggle and battle to let go of one's Ego. Curious to know what was in smoking a cigarette I bought a pack of seven sticks and puffed at it continuously and never touched it again. When a German consultant told me that construction men always drink and poured me my first glass of drink, after a while I dropped that too quite easily. I could turn vegetarian overnight. Sexual urges too came to be satisfied. But what is still remaining is this Ego that we falsely identify with the Self. 

Agathiyar in asking me to go beyond body, mind, and learning, or Gnanam, is asking us to know the Self that is beyond knowledge and ignorance. The Self, Bhagawan Ramana says is pure Consciousness, pure Light. "The knowledge that there is nothing but God or Self, that I and mine don't exist, and that only the Self exists is Jnana" says Ramana.

"The Jnani knows that nothing exists but the Self. To such a one what difference could the presence or absence of body make? The Jnani knows he is the Self, the only reality which is both inside and outside and which is not bound by any form or shape."

Ramana too like Agathiyar says the same, that beyond experience nothing exists. Agathiyar giving us the experience comes to ask us what we have learned from them. We are supposed not to repeat them and move on. I am currently being schooled by him at times taking up the cane to discipline me. But I know that though it hurts, wanting to see us become Siddhas too, his love and compassion drive him to push us to place the effort and push us to our limits.

Agathiyar tells me that in speaking I am only sharing my experiences. He asked when was I going to tell his story too. He answers how this takes place too. In "Silence" he says. It is in Silence that he reaches out to us all he reveals.

(Bhagawan Ramana's teachings based on Bhavan's Book University's "Erase the Ego", 1963.)

SILENCE

Just as I was saddened and confused when Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar refused to bless me telling me that in coming and arriving there itself was a blessing, when I visited him at Ongakarakudil in 2003, and just as I was saddened and confused when Tavayogi instead of appreciating my note of thanks upon him gracing my home the very first time in 2005, shattered me by telling me that I was living in Maya, I was saddened and confused when Agathiyar recently cooped up his divine play so that I could come to terms with my Ego and let it go. Agathiyar in telling me to lose my false identification with my Ego, is asking me to see only the Self that is One. 

In revealing to us that he was Silence itself, Agathiyar has brought us to the teachings of Bhagawan Ramana. Bhagawan Ramana says that the highest form of grace is Silence. He says that it is also the highest spiritual instruction. Ramana in speaking about Sankara who revealed his real state of silence, appearing as Dakshanamurthi to grant peace to the great ascetics, asks "When even the ancient teacher Dakshanamurthi revealed IT through speechless eloquence how could any other convey IT by speech?" hence shutting us all up. Hence the reason for me to want to end this blog several days ago finishing off with the following.

We have given so many forms and names to Agathiyar. This Karthigai Deepam has revealed his true form to us. After knowing his true form there is nothing further to write. Hence this brings an end to this epic of writing this blog. Thank you for following it, readers.

Ramana says that the guru comes only to tell us that god is within and to dive within and realize him. He adds that grace too is within us. All that is necessary is to know its existence in us. 

"Mouna is the utmost eloquence. Because the person remains in his essential nature, he can call up any power into play whenever it is necessary. That is the highest Siddhi" says Ramana. 

Agathiyar who had brought us from the phase of activity beginning in 2002 and speech since 2013, had me go within in  2019, observing only my thoughts, and now has brought me to observe Mouna. Ramana says that Silence that is ever speaking is interrupted by speech. Now I understand why Agathiyar kept telling us that he was always speaking to us. He envelops everyone in Silence. Just as Agathiyar said that he was the Silence and that it benefitted everyone, Ramana says the same that it benefited the whole of mankind. Ramana refers to silence as "Heart to Heart Talk". 

We are told that Silence is the highest form of initiation for there must be the subject-object relationship established in the other Dikshas.

From a village idiot, we rise up to be a Gnani. Agathiyar in asking us to move away from the body, mind, and even Gnanam, echoes Ramana's words, "That is why the Self is said to be beyond knowledge and ignorance."

(Bhagawan Ramana's teachings based on Bhavan's Book University's "Erase the Ego", 1963.)

MEDITATION FOR THE KIDS

Mahindren who heads the new AVM targeted at nurturing young kids into the path had hosted a series of events for them beginning with a Start-Up Siddha puja on 22 September where he engaged them in lighting the Homam, 

a Yoga session on 20 October, 

a Sangeetham session on 17 November, 

had planned a Minion's hiking trip on 15 December. Agathiyar who came a day earlier asked that we replace that planned event with meditation. Asking myself how these kids were going to sit to meditate, Agathiyar surprised us by coming to help conduct the class, asking each one of these children to be given a toy. He asked that they look at it, hold it, and play with it, while he guided the adults into meditation. This reminded me of the Buddhist technique of meditation of concentration and focus as one goes about doing his chores. This is what we came to realize too in all the rituals he had us carry out. We were fully focused on the job on hand, be it in the preparation, in lighting the Homam, in chanting the names of the Siddhas that accompanied the Homam, and libation or Abhisegam, and finally in singing the Bhajans.

Agathiyar who did not make his presence felt or show himself during the Sangeetham session was fully aware of it as he had us sing a note again as we did earlier.

We did go ahead with the hike a day earlier though.

I AM BACK 2

I would be doing an injustice to my readers who kept following my journey if I dropped a cliffhanger as I did in the last posting without revealing what took place over the two days of Karthigai Deepam. I had written in my last post that,

We have given so many forms and names to Agathiyar. This Karthigai Deepam has revealed his true form to us. After knowing his true form there is nothing further to write. Hence this brings an end to this epic of writing this blog. Thank you for following it, readers.

In fact, I had drafted an earlier post on December 13, a day before Agathiyar's revelation but somehow did not get to finish and post it. It goes as follows.

This is the final duel. You will face off with Maya, Mara, Satan, or whatever you want to label it. This is the battle between good and evil, light and darkness, compassion and hatred, calm and anger, and all the opposites. Our negative tendencies come to the surface when diving into the ocean to bring up the Amrita. They shall clothe our thinking, causing us to make mistakes and regret later. It is the moment to be truly aware of all spoken and done. Only total awareness of the moment shall keep us safe. 

If until now the transformation was in the body, now we enter the phase where the mind is transformed. If earlier it was bodily aches and pains, and purging of impurities as in Vata, Pitta, and Kapha, which still is taking place, additional to this is the rather frightening phase of entering the mind and observing its workings, seeing it slowly alienate itself, and being a watcher, and listener. Everything is amplified in this state even the silence that has become deafening. Just like we are so very much connected with the mother in the womb that when we snap the umbilical cord, we come with an unknown fear of the world, when we are disconnected from the world we know, we enter a state of fear. As I draft this post I await Agathiyar to explain what is happening and how to react to these changes in the level of the mind.

Indeed he did come to our calling. To enter the next phase which is moving away from the body or Udal, mind or Manam, all knowledge gathered in multiple ways and from experiences Arivu, or Gnanam and reaching out further, he asked me to read Tavayogi's books. He asked me why I was afraid of death and consoled me saying that for it was yet another door to another journey. "How can a Siddha harbor this fear?", he asked.  He asked me to recall Bhogar's answers to him as to what Bhogar knew. I repeated Bhogar's answers to Agathiyar in the way past that he only knew Agathiyar and nothing else. As I recounted the humbleness of Bhogar, a full-fletched Siddha who mastered many arts and sciences, Agathiyar revealed that I too needed to drop the Ego that I became identified with. He asked me how long do I want to remain as Shanmugam Avadaiyappa? I needed to drop this identity that was holding me back causing a separateness between me and others and everything else. He revealed that he was in this Oneness. He has brought us to Bhagawan Ramana's teachings. Ramana never initiated anyone as he saw everyone as himself. I guess this is the reason that Agathiyar reversed his initial offer of making me a guru and instead offered to make me a Siddha. To enter this Oneness, I needed to observe Maunam or Silence. Finally hugging me Agathiyar whispered in my ears that he was this Silence. 

He reminded me of Lord Dhakshanamurthy's last act to uplift his four students to become on par with him. When the Lord chose to remain silent, not taking on and answering any further questions henceforth, all his students became enlightened the very next moment. Hence he revealed why he kept silent and never came to us since 22 September. Though he did not appear before us he was with us he said. In saying thus he tells us to carry out whatever needs to be done and he shall endorse them, bringing us away from our habit of waiting to be told what to do or securing his approval on all matters.

Bringing me to the path through a calling in my very first Nadi reading in 2002, bringing Tavayogi over to teach me Yoga in 2007, bringing youths to participate in my home puja in 2013 and having us carry out charity, and bringing it all to an end in 2019, having me go within, to help me work on my first two Chakras that had been unknowingly activated by the Yoga practice, in 2022 he has this energy travel through the rest of my Chakras and reside in the Sahasrara. He tells me there was nothing further to do and do nothing for the energy shall do its work. Now he asked me to be silent. 

Bringing us to worship him as a Mantra, and giving form to this Mantra as in the paintings and statues of him after my first initiation, Tavayogi told me that he was the very breath or Vaasi during my second initiation. He later shared his experience of having seen Agathiyar as Light in the Kallar hills. Agathiyar told me that during my travels with Tavayogi, he had come as light in the eyes of his granite statue at Agasthiyampalli and Papanasam.  Finally, Agathiyar tells me that he was the very Silence that prevails beneath all the rubble and noise. So he banished my fear of this silence for it was him too. 

Tavayogi's books in PDF are made available on this blog in the "View Web Version" option on your phones. 

AGATHIYAR

We have given so many forms and names to Agathiyar. This Karthigai Deepam has revealed his true form to us. After knowing  his true form there is nothing further to write. Hence this brings an end to this epic of writing this blog. Thank you for following it readers.

THE ATMA

After all the grueling tests one shall face the final test before he is absorbed into the Param. The soul that came into this world shaping a body that would fulfill its desires and yearning to experience and learn, schooling from the parents and later the teachers at school, then learns about love and life as a youth and young adult, learns to accommodate and take on responsibilities, then finds a spiritual master or vice-versa, the master comes to him, he is taught to go within, using the external tools given initially and then dropping them to only observe the tool that traveled with us, the Breath. The Breath brings tremendous earth-shaking changes to take place, from activating the Muladhara, the lowest Chakra, and the creative force Kundalini that after shaping the body and staying awhile in a kid moved to hibernate in most throughout their lives and in some to awaken and journey upwards. The Prana that hitched on the Breath awakens each Chakra on its way up, to finally reside in the crown Chakra in the head, the Sahasrara. 

Just as Agathiyar asked me to allow the divine forces to do their work using my body and several other devotees' bodies and our homes and later Lord Murugan too asked me to step aside and watch their divine play that was akin to the heavens opening up, now want us to just watch the energy forces at work within. I guess this is what Lord Murugan coming through a devotee asked every individual who came before him if they were ready to surrender to him fully for he had something to give them. It is only in surrender that they can work on us. Any resistance or hesitation only delays the delivery. Agathiyar said that one who seizes the opportunity that knocks on his door shall see positive results. He added that time does not wait for us. We have to make time. How many of us devote our time to him and his cause? We seem so occupied with our cause. He who created us wants us to do his will, carry out his tasks and return to him in good shape.

We who came into this world clear and pure in soul soon found ourselves covered by layers and layers of sheaths and coverings till our last breath leaves not knowing our purpose and the Self within. The guru in a physical form comes to point this out and helps us peel these covers. Our joint efforts bring us to Svadishtana. By then we have reckoned that there is a soul in us that was lying asleep just like the energy that created and brought forth this birth and body. This is Atma Darisanam. Henceforth there is no need for a physical guru for the Atma becomes the guru and leads us to fulfill our purpose and destiny, breaking away from fate and its associated Karma that is dissolved. 

AT THEIR MERCY

Many things that Tavayogi and Agathiyar said only make sense now after we arrive at that moment of experiencing it. Agathiyar is putting me through the final test now. Agathiyar who told me to put aside my desire to depart for now, said that I had a purpose and that he was preparing me for it. To another question about what I should do now, he said that I should do nothing. He asked that I accept all the trials and tribulations that would come my way and keep my peace and calm. This I saw coming, right from having to tolerate the noisy neighbors in the wake of Agathiyar having me under house arrest, to trying my very best not to lose my anger at the stupidity shown by some when he ended my seclusion and asked me to go back into the society. He told me that this itself was a test and a practice for the moment. All those who were dear and close to us have avoided us too. Or is this his will and his play too, just as he had brought the shutters down on puja and charity, to give me the time and space to be with myself?

Just as there is trash strewn, thrown, and dumped around us, we find them on the net and to our surprise in space too. If authors of published books, newspaper agencies, and news channels are accountable for what is written or aired and are careful to verify before releasing, netizens, the general public, and the man on the street seem to get carried away and forward or share them the very next instance without validating the facts. As there are those believers, like me to whom you could sell practically any ware that carries Agathiyar's brand and I will buy it, Agathiyar pointed out this weakness to me and asked me to be careful. Then others would set out to investigate and only when they are satisfied would they begin. When I pointed out to the attendees who joined my home Pornami puja that Agathiyar upon his arrival, in the bronze statue opened his eyes just like Tavayogi pointed out to me when Agathiyar opened his eyes in the granite statue of his at Agasthiyampalli, each of them began to view him up close and from all angles and came up with opposing accreditation. 

Are Agathiyar and the Gods, the Nadi, and their predictions all for real? If this world is Maya, aren't these part and parcel of it? What if this too was a game? In wanting me to realize the hold of Maya on all things, he sent me to a Nadi reader, The reader kept stressing multiple times his opinion that the Siddhas would only come through the Nadi and that all other ways, forms, and means of communicating as, in his words, was Satan speaking. It surprised me coming from the reader. But I never took his opinion seriously and brushed it aside. As Ramalinga Adigal sang only God knew his bliss, the one who tasted the honey knows it is sweet. If it was Satan who spoke to us all these while, why would he send me to the Nadi reader and have me hear this out and have him expose it? A thief would not send me to the police station to verify his character. Just as a thief, if it was Satan surely he would not expose himself. He would surely pour me more whisky to keep me intoxicated and drunk forever. 

Could this all be a hallucination asked a psychologist? He had followed my blog and rushed to meet me at a temple knowing that I would be there to join others to celebrate Agathiyar Vizha. He walked right up to me and popped the question. 

Speaking with my wife, she shared her observation that Agathiyar, coming through his devotees, never spoke about Karma to all those he saw at AVM.  I agreed with her. He would heal and advice, give certain practices, and send them off. To those who ignored his advice, Agathiyar has only this to say 'Let it happen as fated", in other words, let Karma work out its course and let fate take its course. But never has he told us in the face that that is the reason for our being here and our sufferings. The only times he touched on it was in the general canto of the Nadi revelations and after giving remedies never revisited them again and moved on to living a life. Tavayogi too only spoke about it when people came forward to know the reason for their endless troubles. If we let Karma blur our vision, we cannot live a peaceful life. If we carry the burden of knowing our past Karma we cannot live a fruitful life. It is sufficient that we know Karma plays a part in our lives and let it be and move on. 

The gurus we took as role models after reading their books and biographies have let us down, making headlines for all the wrong reasons, in their later lives. Promising disciples who served their masters with distinction, when they took over the portfolio of a guru, became slaves to sex, ego, lies, and drugs too. I have always wondered why the patron guru did not look into the future of their disciple and see it coming. My very first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai looked into the past, present, and future and downloaded all that he saw to me in the 5 hours I spent with him on my first visit. Tavayogi said one shall be tested for 12 years before the guru would part his knowledge. Just as some in public office misuse their power and authority these gurus prey on the innocence, obedience, and surrender of their disciples and end up embroiled in rape and other misconduct. I guess this is the age of tearing the false masks of gurus. I'm glad I did not fall for the fake. This too is his play. I guess that is the reason Agathiyar wants me not to let my guard down and my pants too. I understand now why Agathiyar came out to say that my two gurus were indeed true gurus in all manner. I guess that is the reason Agathiyar retracted his offer to make me a guru, fearing I shall be enticed and fall for it. The churning of the ocean in 2022 to collect the ambrosia hidden in its depths by the Devas and the Asuras has brought forth poison in me too. Just as he consumed the poison as told in the Puranas only Lord Siva's grace can save me. Just as he dived into the ocean and returned the pot of Amirtha to the realm of the Devas, only Dhanvantri's grace can bring me to savor the ambrosia. 

Frank J. Alexander in his "In the Hours of Meditation", Advaita Ashrama, Calcutta, writes that "He will make me struggle with them (doubt and temptation) in order to reveal my true strength and my own powers to myself. And how shall a man know his true self and his powers until he has tested himself?" 

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

As I sat in the park taking a break and a moment to draft this post this morning, I took in the sounds and sights of nature. It is only in these moments that we realize nature is around us. Nature like our parents provides for us. It cares for us. It shades us from the blazing sun. It shelters us from the winds and rain. As we begin to love her back, we tend to get angry with the litterbugs who throw rubbish all over and pollute the ponds, lakes, and rivers and those who spit everywhere but we never get angry with nature. Similarly, it is only when nature shows its fury that we take notice of her. 

In a recent interview posted on the net, with a famed motivational and spiritual speaker, the compere of an online channel impressed me with the many thoughtful and logical questions that he put forth. The compere asked if reading a few books and walking some distance on the path made us a guide? He asked if the speaker agreed that if he had yet to know if he had attained Gnanam, how could he begin to preach? The compere asked if one could share the things passed on by one's guru to him in private to others and in public? And whether we take it up upon ourselves to teach others or whether we are destined for this purpose and task? This drove a spike into my heart too. "Was I doing the right thing in writing this blog?" It made me rethink and ask myself "Where do I stand on the spiritual ladder?" "Am I a self-proclaimed guru?" "Did I fall for the trap?" I asked myself "Did reading a few books on the Siddhas and taking a few steps walking the path inflate my ego to think that I knew all the answers and begin to show off?" So many other questions were triggered and cropped up while watching the interview. I had to revisit my past to be sure I did not fall for the snare that the compere had mentioned. Upon checking my past moves, I was relieved to realize that I had only followed what was instructed to me. I hope that in doing them I had not permitted my ego to step out of line nor strengthen its hold further. I guess I had exerted caution, always telling myself I was here solely to learn for myself and did not jump onto the bandwagon to teach and preach back then.

Looking Back

Back then, beginning in 2002, I was going about my solo home puja for the Siddhas which was pretty much a private matter, and later with my family, until Jnana Jothiamma, or Molly Menon as she was known back then in 2011, connected with me after going through my previous websites and asked to stream my home puja so that she could follow it from the USA. I accommodated her wish. I began to stream for her eyes only on Skype. Later when another devotee also from the USA asked to watch, I began to stream it trying a couple of platforms Ustream.tv and later on Live -YouTube.

After getting to know Tavayogi and although he asked that I speak about the Siddhas even before my thumbprint had dried up back then in 2005, he never asked me to teach others the Yoga techniques that he taught me and a handful of seekers later in 2007. Neither did he ask me to start a Peedham or Ashram, a group, movement, society, or establishment when many came before him asking him to officiate theirs. 

It was Agathiyar who sent the youths to my home later in 2013 to follow and learn the Siddha puja. With their coming my home took on the name Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) for the sole reason of guiding seekers to its location on Google Maps. It was Agathiyar who got us to group together and carry out charity programs. If Agathiyar told me I need not leave the family to start an Ashram and revealed that my present home itself was an Ashram, he revealed in later years that his wish and that of Lord Murugan's for me to build a temple was a test and that in truth my home had become a temple. They dropped the directive. Then in 2022 bringing on some weird and mysterious transformations within, Agathiyar asked that I stop writing about him and instead share these experiences.

If Agathiyar revealed that I had earned Karma that had brought on this birth and sent me off on a pilgrimage in 2003, to soften its hold on me, in later years as he called me up for regular Aasi Nadi readings, he revealed that there were many a moment when he staged the play and had me engaged so that I could have those experiences too. Eventually, he told me that there was no right and wrong and that we were here to be schooled and learn from life experiences. In "The Little Soul and the Sun", a children's parable published by Hampton Roads Publishing Company Ins, 1998, that was an adaptation from Neale Donald Walsch's "Conversations with God", Hodder and Stoughton, 1995, we learn the same that for want of these experiences the Little Soul comes to earth to live it out with other souls that he knew assisting him in all manner to gain these experiences. 

When Tavayogi told me that the soul should not be caged and should be left free to explore and experience back then when I came to know him, I asked myself if it was all right to carry out crimes hiding behind the cover of wanting to explore and experience. Now I understand that what he meant was to free the soul from being caged up by our ego.  The ego that overruled us after some time and sent the soul behind bars should be checked. This is what the great masters have taught us through the years asking us to adopt virtues, honesty, righteousness, compassion, and love. Coming to the spiritual gurus they have us carry out puja that connects us with the Siddhas and God and charity that brings out the compassion in us and socializing among seekers that bring on love towards all creation. The living gurus make us a better man. That is about all they do. With a concerted effort and putting the techniques they taught into practice, traveling on our internal journey we arrive at the second milestone, the Svadhistana Chakra. Henceforth the divine comes to lift us further up covering the other milestones till we arrive safely in their kingdom. But the journey does not end there. As Yogi Ramsuratkumar told his followers at his deathbed not to cry as he could do a better job in the subtle plane and as Agathiyar told us that while Tavayogi was doing Agathiyar's work in their realm, Agathiyar had to carry out guiding us from where Tavayogi left, and as Ramalinga Adigal in defining the various stages tells us that there was an infinite number of stages that await us beyond and above what he listed, no one can claim he knows all. 

While Ramalinga Adigal is said to have built the Satya Gnana Sabai as a school for the Devas, which to our disappointment did not take off for reasons only known to them, similarly, the world is a school for us. We are here to be schooled. If initially, our parents school us on the right ethics, virtues, what not to do, and what is acceptable, the teachers at our school teach us about science and maths, and other academic subjects, and the mysteries surrounding the earth we live on. Soon stepping into life as a teen and youth, brings us to fall in love with the opposite sex, while as an adult we are taught about responsibility towards the career and the new family that has evolved around us. We then begin to give back to society. After facing all kinds of crises, we face midlife crises. Before we know it we are at the edge of our life span looking down at the bottomless pit. We begin to look back on life. We want to change many things, the decisions we made, the steps we took but then it is too late and there is no way to reverse the clock. We might seek pardon from those we had harmed provided they are around and alive. As for the rest of the blueprint and design, that we had thought out in space; that we breathe in as desires and ambitions; executed on the ground; and sailed it as in a boat on the water; that has now come to be written in stone, we can only bear witness to whatever has taken place and pray that we come back to correct and fix them or do it all right the next time around. For those who refuse to learn or are so engrossed in the illusions thinking that life is permanent, missing these moments to come to a realization and to pursue their true purpose, they find themselves jolted out of this dream state as they keep falling into the abyss when their time is up. For the majority who walked the path that religion showed, religion tends to be an armor protecting them at all times and to which they could turn for all their needs and seek solace in trying times. Those few who pursue further and arrive at the brink of religion find themselves falling into yet another bottomless pit of spirituality, where they discover more than the eyes meet. They begin to travel within and into new unexplained and least understood territories. Venturing within they come across the beast and the monsters hiding within them. Soon they realize that not everything is Holy on the spiritual path either. As one walks the spiritual path, sexual urges peak, ego inflates and the tendency to lie arises. All these if left unchecked and if one gives in to these weaknesses, shall bring disgrace and dishonor. He then falls from grace. He is disgraced. Walking the path is akin to walking on a razor's edge.

How does one safeguard himself from the onslaught of these traps? Only by the grace of the divine for all our attempts at defeating the devil shall fail. In summiting to God who comes as a guru, we submit our ego. The guru shall destroy our ego either instantaneously or as we travel along with him. If Swami Vishnudevananda's ego was subdued the moment Swami Sivananda of Rishikesh fell at his feet first while the former who was a military personal found his ego disallowimg him to do so, Yogi Ramsuratkumar was chased away several times by Ramdas. Eventually, the master took him in. By this time Ramdas had broken the Yogi. The Yogi is said to have said, “In 1952 Ramdas killed this beggar”. The Yogi from then on addressed himself as the Beggar. 

When I asked to see Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal, Tavayogi told me that it was possible but asked me if that was what I wanted? When I adorned gems, and mercury beads on me, he told me that we do not need them. If Tavayogi began to break me bit by bit at the start of my journey, Agathiyar came towards the end to break me loose of the remaining shackles. When I told him I wanted to make him proud he replied "How would that be possible as he was beyond name and fame?" When I thought taking birth upon birth to serve him would repay his kindness, he had me rethink again if that was what I wanted. When I thought Gnanam was the thing to ask for, he told me it was not gifted and that I had to work towards it.

In coming to worship, we put aside our logical and scientific thinking and begin to believe. We begin to surrender. Now the transition takes place where we are handed over to the Gods. We gain the grace and protection of the angels, the Siddhas, and the Gods. His grace tells us that we are not alone in this battle and that he has taken up arms and is with us. They give us the courage to live life through the toughest and trying times. You can erase everything in this instance and rewrite your journey. Do not let past guilt hold you back. Forgive yourself. See all your mistakes and blunders as part of a learning curve. Who hasn't made mistakes or blunders? Even the saints will have gone through this. We have all sinned. It is all right. Let us move on. I too am in the same boat. I too have many weaknesses that I'm trying to work on. These are the last obstacles or traps before taking flight, the last few links in the ring shackles, the last few links of the chain that hold us back from taking flight.

We have arrived at our last lap of the journey. They finally get us to observe the breath where we slip spontaneously into a state of meditation. We came to know that it shall unfold many mysteries. It is the road back to our source. If going on pilgrimages and adventure brings us on the road to discovering God and the Prapanjam around us respectively, hitching on the breath brings us to a realm of calm and much-needed peace. Just as before we play a tune, we check the strings of the musical instruments, first, we check on the flow of the breath in our nostrils and correct them. With dynamic breath we increase the intake of air and oxygen, and with it Chi or Prana. Soon we settle in on only observing the breath. As we halt all external activities and learn to go within, soon it happens spontaneously without our effort. We just fall into this deep space and moment. Contrary to the common belief that abstaining from speaking was Maunam, Tavayogi corrects this misperception telling us that it is not about speaking but going beyond the space and moment of silence that we then arrive at the state of Maunam. Agathiyar in his song "Manamathu Semmaiyaanaal" tells us that we can leave all our activities and practices once the Manam (mind, thoughts, desires, wishes, wants) settle. All that was achieved and derived through external means is now experienced by sitting on our own and looking within. Even what is considered taboo and sinful as the pleasures derived from sex or the thoughts of it are achieved in meditation. Though the remaining Vasanas keep coming to the forefront, in ignoring them, they slip away and die a natural death. For those like me who find it a battle to overcome them, or subdue these negative and Rajastic and Tamastic energies, he needs to convert them into that of a positive and Satvic nature. This is what the Gods did as told in the Puranas. After overcoming the dreaded Asuras they turned them into other benevolent forms of energies and kept them with them to do their asking. The ego which is the tread that holds us back from the alter ego that is required for continued existence in this body, dies a natural death too. 

If Haary Roshaahn Yograj's reading of the "Spiritual Numerology of Moses" better known as the "Soul Contract Reading", revealed my purpose here was to be a catalytic spiritual teacher, Agathiyar came around asking how was he to depend on one person to do his work. He had to raise everyone to come to the state where they carry out his work. Agathiyar surprised me by saying that I had desired it and as such he had to fulfill my desire. Never in my dreams did I want this portfolio. Neither did I want all the gifts he was prepared to shower on me for my obedience and being faithful to the path. He had me teach Mahindren the Yoga techniques that Tavayogi taught me which I put into practice and told Mahindren to teach the rest. He had me initiate a couple into the path. That was about all he had me do. Agathiyar who had to prepare me for the role asked that I accept all the trials and tribulations that would come my way and keep my calm and peace. He asked that I do nothing, telling me that this itself was a test and a practice for the moment referring to my earlier query as "What should I do?" after he triggered, activated, and set off the dormant energies within me in 2022. Most recently he threw the question if he should make me a guru. As I had refused all the promised goodies before, and since I just wanted to give back to him for all the kindness, love, compassion, guidance, and practices given, I nodded my head and gave in finally. But the very next second he surprised me saying, "No, No, I shall not make you a guru but a Siddha instead". He begins to talk with us from within, in our thoughts, through our deeds henceforth. He gives us a sermon, he writes us a memo, he speaks through us and writes through us that surprises us. As Angelon Young writes at Remembering a few stories from the first time I met Yogi Ramsuratkumar — AWEN that "Yogi Ramsuratkumar seemed to me a true spiritual son, molded in the image of the father and yet also a uniquely different expression of the Divine", we are a personification in the flesh of the guru in the subtle form. 

If Christy Beam wrote in her memoir, "Miracles from Heaven", "Standing in the light of all he's given us, in the light of all that's happened I can't not tell you our story", Neale Donald Walsch writes about his conversation with God that "I could have kept this latest dialogue private but everything within me shouted, don't you dare." He felt that he should share keeping a promise to God. Ramalinga Adigal revealed all that he saw and experienced too. I take solace in the words of these saints and tell myself that it is all right to share, whatever little we know. But I remind myself, just as scientists rewrite science and archeologists and historians rewrite history in the wake of making newer discoveries, that as I progress spiritually I shall change my stand or opinion and make the relevant changes to what I thought was the truth earlier. Ramalinga Adigal did just that and we have the 6th Thirumurai of his Thiru Arutpa in our hands.