Besides the idea and aim in uniting two people in marriage to carry on the progeny; raise up children of their own; grow in experiencing their role from that of an individual to that of taking care of a life-mate and later their offspring; taking on the new role of a husband or wife; and later that of a father or mother, PV Jagadisa Ayyar in his book "South Indian Customs", Asian Educational Services, New Delhi, 1985, reminds us of one more rather forgotten aspect of marriage - that the observances of religious rites develops spirituality in the observers.
Marriage is of a sacred and spiritual significance,
Marriage is of a sacred and spiritual significance,
... that of the definite aim of performing religious rites in company with his wife or (her husband) for the spiritual evolution of both. In fact a wife is said to be a Saha Dharma Charini which means the lady who performs the duty enjoined in company with her husband.
Jayaram V summarizes the concept of marriage beautifully at https://www.hinduwebsite.com/hinduism/h_marriage.asp
According to Hinduism, marriage (vivaha) between two persons is a sacred relationship that is not limited to this life alone. It extends across seven or more lives, during which the couple help each other progress spiritually.
The adage that marriages are made in heaven is very much true in case of Hinduism. Two souls come together and marry because their karmas are intertwined and they have to resolve many things together upon earth in order to ensure their mutual salvation.
The relationship between a couple is essentially a relationship of the souls. It is not necessary that their gender roles are fixed for ever. Some times they may switch roles and the husband may become the wife and the wife the husband. Sometimes they may also temporarily part their ways and come together again after one or two lives in a grand reunion.
In the book on Kavyakantha Vasistha Ganapati Muni entitled "Nayana, A Biography of Kavyakantha Vasistha Ganapati Muni (from the original Telugu texts by Gunturu Lakshmikantam), Dr G Krishna mentions that Ganapati Muni had described his wife as a Tapa Sakhi, meaning comrade in Tapas just as Arundhati was the Tapa Sakhi of Vasistha and so were the wives of many of the Rishis.
They never considered their wives as hindrances to Tapas.
Ganapati Muni advised that women should not be barred from any spiritual or religious chores when it was prevalent at that time that women were not considered fit to worship Agni, study the Vedas and recite Vedic Mantra and were denied the benefits of Upayana. Ganapati Muni himself used to initiate women into Mantra Japa. Many were the women who were initiated into Gayathri Vidhya, which was considered exclusive to men. Visalakshi, wife of Ganapati Muni took to the worship of Agni whenever Ganapati Muni was out of station.
Visalakshi paid equal attention to house-keeping and Mantra Upasana. Ganapati did not share the belief that a woman was the source of sin and Maya. The study of scriptures had convinced him that the ancient rishis had practiced austerity and attained self-realization without giving up family life and responsibilities. Women were not treated as objects of pleasure by our ancient rishis. They were as qualified as men to discharge spiritual responsibilities. The ancient rishis by their exemplary behavior became spiritual preceptors to their wives and helped to establish a well ordered society.
Looking towards Ramakrishna's life, we are shown that husband and wife can live together as spiritual companions.
By his marriage Sri Ramakrishna admitted the great value of marriage in man's spiritual evolution, and by adhering to his monastic vows he demonstrated the imperative necessity of self-control, purity, and continence, in the realization of God. By this unique spiritual relationship with his wife he proved that husband and wife can live together as spiritual companions. Thus his life is a synthesis of the ways of life of the householder and the monk. (Source: http://www.ramakrishnavivekananda.info/gospel/introduction/relation_with_wife.htm)
Shri Ramkrishna turned his mind to the fulfillment of imparting religious and spiritual teachings to her. About the experience of this period Sarada Devi used to say afterwards: “ I felt as if a vessel full of divine bliss was permanently installed in my heart...I can not adequately describe the heavenly joy which filled my heart...!” (Source: https://www.speakingtree.in/blog/the-story-of-a-holy-wife)
Just like Ganapathi Muni and Ramakrishna, Lahari Mahasaya too was a householder. Lahiri Mahasaya’s wife Ma Kashi Moni shares the moment when she realized her husband as a realized soul.
It was years before I came to realize the divine stature of my husband. One night, in this very room, I had a vivid dream. Glorious angels floated in unimaginable grace above me. So realistic was the sight that I awoke at once; the room was strangely enveloped in dazzling light. My husband, in lotus posture, was levitated in the center of the room, surrounded by angels who were worshiping him with the supplicating dignity of palm-folded hands. Astonished beyond measure, I was convinced that I was still dreaming.
“Woman,” Lahiri Mahasaya said, “you are not dreaming. Forsake your sleep forever and forever.” As he slowly descended to the floor, I prostrated myself at his feet.
“Master,” I cried, “again and again I bow before you! Will you pardon me for having considered you as my husband? I die with shame to realize that I have remained asleep in ignorance by the side of one who is divinely awakened. From this night, you are no longer my husband, but my guru. Will you accept my insignificant self as your disciple?”
The master touched me gently. “Sacred soul, arise. You are accepted.”
He motioned toward the angels. “Please bow in turn to each of these holy saints.”
When I had finished my humble genuflections, the angelic voices sounded together, like a chorus from an ancient scripture.
“Consort of the Divine One, thou art blessed. We salute thee.” They bowed at my feet and lo! their refulgent forms vanished. The room darkened.
My guru asked me to receive initiation into Kriya Yoga.
“Of course,” I responded. “I am sorry not to have had its blessing earlier in my life.”
“The time was not ripe.” Lahiri Mahasaya smiled consolingly. “Much of your karma I have silently helped you to work out. Now you are willing and ready.”
He touched my forehead. Masses of whirling light appeared; the radiance gradually formed itself into the opal-blue spiritual eye, ringed in gold and centered with a white pentagonal star.
“Penetrate your consciousness through the star into the kingdom of the Infinite.” My guru’s voice had a new note, soft like distant music.
Vision after vision broke as oceanic surf on the shores of my soul. The panoramic spheres finally melted in a sea of bliss. I lost myself in ever-surging blessedness. When I returned hours later to awareness of this world, the master gave me the technique of Kriya Yoga.
(Source: https://www.lahiri-mahasaya.org)
The exchange of garlands in a marriage is a ceremonious representation of bestowing a portion of their spiritual force to their life partner. PV Jagadisa Ayyar writes,
This is the main end and aim to attain which all the subsequent rites (in a marriage and beyond) are observed to be continued thereafter day after day till perfection in evolution is attained in both taking many births even if need be as husband and wife.
When I met Tavayogi the first time, he asked to bring my wife along to his talk that evening. He told me it was not enough that I came to the marga but I need to bring my family too. He mentioned the same too that I needed to bring my wife and children on this journey of evolution of the soul, feeding it with experiences. As the soul grows, the spirit grows in luminosity too, from a mere spark to a gigantic flame that eventually envelopes the self, merging with the source. This is what several nayanmars achieved bringing their wives and kin to merge in the flame or jhoti in the inner sanctum of Erai's abode. The young Gnanasambandhar took the hand of his wife in marriage and led all those who had gathered to witness their marriage into the Jhoti and merged with it at Nallur.
Agathiyar tells me that my wife and I were husband and wife in the last birth. Many of the couples in AVM family were married to each other were lovers in their past lives too. PV Jagadisa Ayyar reiterates,
In the plan laid down by the wise men of old that two souls drawn together by love and sincere do not part till both reach the level at the same time. This idea is conveyed in the Hindu marriage ceremonials and the Hindu marriage itself is considered a sacrament and not a contract.
This is how Agathiyar has brought numerous families to his worship. When my friend picked up a conversation with a girl waiting to have her Nadi reading, she told him she could hear her name mentioned to her male friend who was having a reading then in the closed room. When the boy was chatting with my friend he said a similar thing about his name mentioned in the girl's Nadi. They came as friends but left as a couple brought together in marriage.
When I told the priests, who himself looked like Agathiyar, that I did not match the horoscopes of my daughter and son-in-law to see if they were compatible as they had chosen each other, the priests told me three things. If the couple had liked each other there was no need to see the horoscopes, that itself was mana porutam or compatibility of the hearts; when two people come together in marriage it is the work of their combined karma or a karmic connection and it is fated. Finally he told me leave it to Erai to lead them on in their lives. His words brought me assurance.
PV Jagadisa Ayyar concludes on the marriage,
PV Jagadisa Ayyar concludes on the marriage,
The final function is what is known as Asirvatham or blessing of the bridal pair.
The priests who invoked the gods to come down and be present, to be a witness in this Holy matrimony between two souls, then requests them to bestow their blessings on the newly weds, himself transmitting the blessings to the couple, after which family, relatives and friends shall bestow their blessings for a good life. Marriage is a new beginning for a couple where the bride takes the grooms hand in the presence of kin and friends. Besides the families and friends, all the divine beings of the other world or plane, gods and goddesses, the lineage of gurus and their ancestors gather together for this momentous moment in time. Tavayogi who graced my daughter's wedding told me later that all the Siddhas had come to bless our kids too. Later Agathiyar and Lord Muruga in their Nadi reading tells the newly wed that the Siddhas were witness to their marriage.
When a friend from Bangalore had too many obstacles in finding a right partner, I suggested he do a homa in his home daily, asking Erai to give him the boon of bestowing a right wife for him. He did as told and found results. They are married today.
Once married, the newly married couple and their family circle would look towards the couple begetting a child. Prayers are channeled towards Erai for a child to be born to them. Above and beyond our prayers, the Siddhas too are praying for a family in which these elevated souls could take birth and carry on Erai's mission or pani. These children then bring Erai's message.
The uniqueness in us is that we show our appreciation towards Erai by bringing him to live among us, giving him a place in our homes and hearts, bringing him to join our festivities and creating festivals, almost daily for him and celebrating them. There is a religious festival where the marriage of the gods is enacted out at the temples with the local community taking sides, either that of the bride or the groom. Erai is indeed deeply rooted in all our customs and traditions, faith and beliefs. This is a show of appreciation for the one who created us, who helps sustain us and eventually leads us back to his abode.
Once married, the newly married couple and their family circle would look towards the couple begetting a child. Prayers are channeled towards Erai for a child to be born to them. Above and beyond our prayers, the Siddhas too are praying for a family in which these elevated souls could take birth and carry on Erai's mission or pani. These children then bring Erai's message.
The uniqueness in us is that we show our appreciation towards Erai by bringing him to live among us, giving him a place in our homes and hearts, bringing him to join our festivities and creating festivals, almost daily for him and celebrating them. There is a religious festival where the marriage of the gods is enacted out at the temples with the local community taking sides, either that of the bride or the groom. Erai is indeed deeply rooted in all our customs and traditions, faith and beliefs. This is a show of appreciation for the one who created us, who helps sustain us and eventually leads us back to his abode.