In my twenties, I thought life was about adding on more knowledge, earning a living, having a family, and eventually passing away. This was the norm we saw around us. Everyone did this, and so were we expected to do the same. I, too, followed the rests. I had an education made available by my parents. Furthermore, I had a secure job that brought security and satisfaction. I got married as everyone does and had a family of my own. Somehow looking back on all our ideals it's about ownership and possession of people and things, positions and authority, wealth and property. So coming to the religious and later spiritual path, I thought that it was similarly about adding on to our status. To be aligned with a religious and spiritual establishment or movement added a crown to our existing achievements in the material world. Besides serving the family, one takes up serving the community and society, eager to see recognition and honor bestowed on him.
Having come to the worship of the Siddhas taking up the call in the Nadi by Agathiyar and later having come to the path conducting rituals as shown by Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, today as I stand on my own feet, watching all that that took place and is taking place both around and within me, I realize that life is not about grabbing more for ourselves, and about hoarding them but to give and share. It is time to give back in some way for all that the divine has given us till this moment.
I came to realize that it is time we shed and drop our hold on all things. How can the divine fill us with his divine wisdom or gnanam if we come filled with academic knowledge of the divine? We need to come to him with an open mind, losing all that we had gathered and learned before. We have to stand naked before him. This is why we see sadhus taking this literally go around naked and semi-naked. One has to drop all that he holds dear to him. Only then shall the Dearest come within him to reside, building his nest as my granddaughter builds hers. We have to give way to the divine to run our lives. He shall dictate from within the rest of the course of our journey, building the scenarios and bringing on the conducive circumstances and moments henceforth for our final marriage or merger with him.
All these need prior commitment and engagement and effort on our path. Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam prepare and lead us to this divine understanding or Gnanam. We are normally unaware of the air around us until a breeze blows or there is an aroma in the air. A simple act of lighting an incense leads our senses to its aroma and turns us on to the conducive state of meditation. The lighting of incense sticks makes us connect with our breath. The mind then becomes aware of it and moves towards the source of it. It is easier for the mind to follow the breath then. These and many other rituals aid in calming down the mind and subduing it, bringing it to a state of relaxation and eventually to meditation. The picture or idol that is an aid to concentration initially is not required when meditation takes place. The japa or recitation or chanting of names and mantra respectively is a means to enter the state of meditation. The chanting of the mantra drops on its own when meditation takes place. When the chanting and singing stop on their own accord, we move into a state of silence that brings on the bliss that is multifold in degree compared to the joy in singing his praise. Eventually we lose awareness of the body that was a vehicle and carried us along this spiritual, journey. That is samadhi.
I believe the divine facilitates the transition for us to drop everything we hold on to towards the merger, if only we heed the call of nature. As we age, teeth drops, bringing us to eat less as we cannot bite solid food with our gums. We opt for soft and often satvic meals. The eyesight fails, stopping us from peering into the existing world and be lured further by its sights. Mobility is hindered, forcing us to sit in a place. As all the responsibilities have been settled, one can now use these private moments to be with the divine, sitting in contemplation.
But why wait for old age to set in to go within forcefully when the greatest achievement would be to attempt it in our heydays when we are both alert and healthy.
Supramania Swami told me he had seen the jothi days before his passing away. Tavayogi told me that the transformation to jothi has to take place before the age of 60, admitting that he had missed performing that feat. But Dhanvanatri told us after his passing away that he had become jothi. Agathiyar reminds us tactfully of the need to engage in the search and transforming oneself while all the senses are intact and receptive. The following song is listed to have been written by Agathiyar. He places himself in our position and sees himself face old age and death.
At that moment of inability, immobility, and gone senile, or with acute illness, he says he might not be able to utter the name of Lord Narayana, hence he reminds us to take the opportunity to sing the praise of the Lord right now at this very moment while we are hale and healthy, quite akin to saving for a raining day.
At that hour when death approaches me I am not sure if I will remember you, hence I am remembering you now Narayana, please take heed of my calling,
When kapam or phlegm arises and my tongue quivers, I am not sure if I will remember you, hence I am calling you now so that you would appear then to save me, Lord Narayana,
When vayu or the vital air comes to a halt, and all senses seize to function, and my soul begins to leave, I am not sure if I would be thinking of you, hence I call out to you now so that you come to my aid then,
When all that I thought was mine suddenly is of no significance and importance at the time of death, I am not sure if I will remember you my Lord, but nevertheless, I pray that you would come then Lord Narayana, hence I am calling you out now,
When Yama's servants appear to bind and take me away, I cannot promise that I would think of you, hence I call you now my Lord,
When my next of kin surround my death bed and wail and cry out, I don't know if your thought will arise in me, hence I cry out for you my Lord this very moment, so that you would appear to save me during my final moments! and so the song goes on.
This is what we should be doing daily for we might not be even able to say his name, let alone call out to him to save us in our hour of need.
நாராயணா ஸ்ரீமத் நாராயணாபத்ரி நாராயணா ஹரி நாராயணா
நாராயணா ஸத்ய நாராயணா
சூர்ய நாராயணா லக்ஷ்மி நாராயணா
நொந்துடலும் கிழமாகித் தளர்ந்தபின்
நோயில் நடுங்கிடும் போது – ஜீவ
நாடிகள் நைந்திடும் போது – மனம்
எண்ணிடுமோ தெரியாது – இன்று
கசிந்துன்னைக் கூவுகின்றேன் அருள்
நீடு கபம் கோழை ஈழை நெருக்கி – என்
நெஞ்சை அடைத்திடும் போது
நாவும் குழறியபோது – மனம் உன்னை
எண்ணிடுமோ தெரியாது – நான்
அன்றுனைக் கூவிட இன்றழைத்தேன் எனை
ஆண்டருள்வாய் ஹரி நாராயணா
ஐம்பொறியும் கரணங்களும் வாயுவும்
ஆடி அடங்கிடும் போது – எந்தன்
ஆவி பிரிந்திடும்போது – மனம்
எண்ணிடுமோ தெரியாது – இன்று
நம்பி உனைத் தொழுதே அழைத்தேன்
ஜகன் நாயகனே ஹரி நாராயணா
ஒவென்று நின்றழும்போது – உயிர்
ஓசைகள் ஓய்ந்திடும்போது – மனம்
எண்ணிடுமோ தெரியாது – இன்று
பற்றி உனைப் பணிந்தே அழைத்தேன் – ஆபத்
பாந்தவனே ஹரி நாராயணா
என்பொருள் என்மனை என்றதெல்லாம் இனி
இல்லை என்றாகிடும் போது – மனம்
எண்ணிடுமோ தெரியாது – நீ
அன்று வரும் பொருட்டின்றழைத்தேன் அருள்
அச்சுதனே ஹரி நாராயணா
வந்தமெதூர் வளைத்து பிரித்தெனை
வாவென்றிழுத்திடும் போது – மனம்
எண்ணிடுமோ தெரியாது – அந்த
அந்தியம் நீ வர இன்றழைத்தேன்
ஸச்சிதானந்தனே ஹரி நாராயணா