If we are taught to gather and accumulate things in life, in truth, life is all about letting go. My father, the Gods, Siddhas, and gurus taught me to let go right from the beginning. In letting go, they then begin to fill us up with what they think is right for us.
My father gave up all his property and wealth when a chain of bullets fired from a Japanese plane missed him by inches as he hit the dirt carrying money that he had just withdrawn from the bank for his money lending business. He realized that moment that no amount of hard cash or in his account could have saved him. He left soon, returning to India to live his life at an ashram. Once there and after some time, his guru called him over and told him to return home as he had responsibilities back home. My father came back and never returned to the ashram. He never accumulated anything after that. I am sorry, I cannot fill in the details, since as kids we were neither concerned about these things nor showed much interest in them.
As a bachelor in the 80s, I read a lot about Indian customs and traditions, as I was keen to know why we carried out the many practices. I realized that it was all tied up to the belief in God. Soon, seeing the things that took place around me that were counter to the faith and belief that God was all merciful, compassionate, and loving, I began to doubt him. Lord Siva came at the nick of time in a dream and told me to hold all my doubts and questions to a later day. He brought all my daily puja, both at home and in visiting the temples, to a halt. All the readings and discussions on all matters regarding custom, tradition, and religion came to an abrupt end. I was empty during the next 13 years. The nineties saw me turn my attention to the upliftment of my career and family, and see to my responsibilities as a husband and father. God gave me a career, family, and home that fell into my lap.
Agathiyar decided it was time to knock on my door again and remind me of our past connection. He came as the word and the mantra when, in 2001, he had my nephew come by my home and deliver the Vasudeva mantra that was to clear certain blockages and pave the way for me to meet my guru. The following year, he had me stand before him as he came through words inscribed in the Nadi leaves. He filled me in with knowledge about life's mysteries. He had me go on a pilgrimage to shed my past Karma, hence helping me to let go of the baggage that I was carrying. At the end of the pilgrimage, empty and naked, he had me stand before the home of my very first guru, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai. Swami, in talking about his gurus, brought me to believe in God coming as guru, something that I had read many years earlier in Paramahansa Yogananda's "Autobiography of a Yogi".
Then he had me stand before Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram, who was in Malaysia to officiate a local Peedham in 2005. After officially being initiated into the path of the Siddhas, Tavayogi broke my love, respect, and hold on him that was seen to emerge and sprout. He invited me over to India and took me on an astounding journey of discovery of the extent and life of the Siddhas. He further broke my hold on wearing rosary beads, amulets, and gemstones that I had on me. He had me let go of them.
Bringing youths to my home in 2013, it took on the name Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM). In the wake of the pandemic in 2019, he brought the shutters down on all puja and charity that we had conducted. He had me let go of attachments to all three.
Arriving at my home in the form of a bronze statue in 2010, he had me let go of my hold on his statue as he left my home in 2024 for a brief stay in a couple of devotees' homes before returning. In doing so, he broke my hold on his image and idol.
Some time back, he told me that I had to even let go of him, for how else can we be one, he asked. Quite recently, when I thanked him for all that he had given and done for me, he asked me who I was thanking and what there was to thank him for, implying that we were already one.
That is the mercy, love, compassion, and grace of the guru. I am forever indebted to him. I am his servant for life and the lives to come.