If in the early days of my search, I was angry with certain heads of missions and establishments affiliated with Agathiyar asking myself why they could not come together in unison for a common cause in the name of Agathiyar and have a single movement and agenda, in later years as I came to know the path I felt angry at those who would not lend an ear, toe the line, heed and follow, or practice and live the way. Then when Lord Murugan asks me to build him a temple I was again sore asking myself why he needs another when there are numerous temples for him all over. If Agathiyar answered the former question by disbanding AVM and having us go our own ways in continuing the worship and practice in our own homes, Tavayogi answered the latter question that not all a born for the same purpose. He explained further that many are here to fulfill their individual aspirations, desires, and wishes carried from the past or picked up later in this birth. Many others are here to pay off old debts and settle their scores. Lord Murugan as if reading my mind answered the moment I questioned him in my thoughts through the Nadi, telling me that it was true that there were temples for him but that I would do it differently. This made me sit, ponder and analyze what he meant. Today I understand that we at AVM had in fact handled many things differently. Our understanding of matters too is tangent to others.
These I believe show how angry a person I am that warranted Agathiyar to come in the Nadi and speak on anger management for an hour in the past and recently asked me if he should take another class. Agathiyar told me that anger will affect my tavam. Ramalinga Adigal has said that anger will bring death to the cells in us as we boil over in anger. Again Agathiyar said that all the merits gained from austerities performed will go to waste if anger prevails. I guess anger has become a character that as the lyricist Vairamuthu implies in a wonderful song on death only death can burn it to ashes.
On another note, in writing about my health, body, and changes within as Agathiyar had asked to share with readers, I am constipated for several days now. But there is no pain or discomfort. It seems like I cannot defecate though I am having my regular meals. It makes me wonder what is happening to all the waste products after digestion? I seem to have no stool. Similarly, in the past months, I hardly sleep waking up in the wee hours of the night drafting the subjects and ideas for this blog. But I never felt tired nor had the need to replace the hours of lost sleep later in the day. Then Agathiyar throws a pun "When did Siddhas ever sleep?" asking if they ever slept.