ON SURRENDER 2

Isaikavi Ramanan in his talk mentions a wise man told him once to drop his frantic search for means to cleanse himself for in doing so we are only looking further at ourselves, giving even more prominence and importance to this form, name, and self, bringing them into the spotlight and limelight. He adds that that is the reason we fail in our attempt as we cannot possibly do it. Instead, we should learn to look towards the divine for salvation. "Do not give importance to these impurities and dirt that you carry with you" continues the wise man. "Exhibiting arrogance on one hand and one the other, weeping for his grace, both amounts to building and strengthening the ego. It is not wrong to want to cleanse yourself but your approach is wrong" he told Ramanan.

We come with much dirt and begin collecting more. It is pointless and is a futile attempt trying to wash it away. "The only way is to throw it into the flames," the wise man says. This message worked for me. Since Agathiyar came into my home and my heart, he guided us on the techniques and methods to cleanse the body, thought, self, and soul. Agathiyar tells us that it is possible to do so by lighting the fire of sacrifice or Homam or Yagam or Yagna. This is a simple means to eliminate them drawn up for those who have time and the means to engage in rituals. The guru if he desires can burn the vasanas and karma too in several ways. This is for those who have a guru in the physical form. Yogananda Paramahansa tells us that all past vasanas and past karma is burnt in the fire of meditation. This is for those into meditation. Then there is the most simplest means by way of going on pilgrimages where the hike up the hills to these pilgrimage spots renders these even. In giving offerings, be it to the deity or the sacred fire or into the Homam or Yagam, we should learn to sacrifice our desires that culminate into and as fresh karmas; surrender all our obstacles and troubles that are brought on by our past deeds; and learn to place the flaws and weaknesses, pain and suffering, evil thoughts and deeds too into the fire. Equally, we should surrender all the merits gained in this and past lives at the feet of the divine. The divine only comes to us when we totally surrender and sacrifice our body, soul, and spirit to him/her/it - in other words let him take charge and rule. As long as we are in charge, the divine steps aside and only watches us go about our lives, struggling to overcome and put things right, yearning for bliss and peace, and yearning for love and happiness. 

Ramanan shares the two outcomes of associating with the divine: continuous bliss and peace. Devotion or Bakthi towards the deity of our liking goes a long way in healing, caring, and saving us. I am grateful to Agathiyar to bring me into his fold through my first Nadi reading. I took up the call and have come to see its results in this short and brief period of 18 years of worship and devotion to the Siddhas. Although we only began to realize his existence after the first Nadi reading where he spoke through this mysterious oracle, I have been made to realize that Agathiyar isn't new to me. In fact, he had been with me and my family all these while, since our inception, since our birth, and from our other past lives too. My wife took this birth as a result of her calling out for Agathiyar in pain while delivering her child in a past birth. My daughter was born again because as a flower girl in her past birth, she had garlanded Agathiyar at Thiruchendur. My other daughter, me, and my wife had served him fruits before we began the day's work of peddling them on the premises of the famed Kutraleshwar temple in Papanasam in a past birth. Hence we are told that these simple acts of remembering Agathiyar brought us to be born again. Agathiyar added that both my daughters then had asked that we should all be together again in another birth. As a result of it, we are all born again - together. Due to these prior ties with him, we were committed to carrying out Agathiyar's work in this life. 

Most of the time we are not aware of the presence of the deity or divine and the miracles he/she/it performs in our lives. I became more and more aware of him and the extent and role he played after having come onto his path. I realized that since day one he was in charge of my life. I was saved as an infant when he had his Chinese counterpart extend my life span simply on the condition my parents gave me in adoption to them. Till the age of 13, I went to the Chinese medium for all my illness and sickness. He would strike himself with the blunt edge of a sword and chant and burn a piece of yellow rice paper inscribed with Chinese characters and place the ash in a glass of water for me to drink. I would be cured. In school, I was granted a scholarship and later to pursue my tertiary studies which I very well understand to be due to his grace and his mysterious hand. I landed the job that I had served loyally for 36 years due to his grace and his mysterious hand. I landed my home that came by as a result of his grace and mysterious hand, which later came to be known as Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) with his coming. His love extended towards my family too. My daughter's broken leg wrapped in a fiber cast mended after nine months without the need to be operated on or rods placed within. Both my daughter and I recovered from the Dengue Fever with Agathiyar and Tirumoolar coming to raise the platelet count for her. 

Many years back, I had a wish after coming to read much about Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal. I wanted to see them both. Soon after getting to know Tavayogi in 2005, I expressed my desire to him. He told me that it will happen but quickly quipped "Is that what you want?" I knew that instant that something was wrong with my wish. "They will come", he said but asked me to reconsider my wish. I pondered for some time. Yes, he was right. If they were to appear and I were to see them, what next after that? I would talk about it to others for a few months till the excitement wears off. I would eventually be back to my old self and ways, doing the same routine. I understood that Tavayogi wanted me to seek something that was permanent and lasted forever. I changed my stand then. I wanted only Agathiyar. Worshipping him, we began to sense his presence: sitting among us, walking with us, dining with us, practically living among us at all moments. True to Tavayogi's words both Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal have come to guide us. If initially, it was through numerous Nadi readings, these days they speak their mind through several devotees. The divine whom we saw as God in Sariyai, then as Guru in Kriyai, has become a companion now, easily accessible and reachable, a result of having worshipped and chanted the names of the Siddhas and deities. This created a portal in our homes which bridged both our worlds for these divine visitations to take place  Although we can easily be tempted to ask for favors from them, Ramanan reminds us to be careful in asking God for boons and wishes. The Lord shall grant them but will leave us the very next moment he warns. Ask that we want and desire only him and nothing else, says Ramanan. This will bind him to us forever. 

Agathiyar began to shower his blessings and gifts, only to tell me later that he was testing me if I would settle for his gifts instead of him. Although there were the ingredients in the making of a Peedham over the years, I neither showed keenness nor interest in officially setting up one and take charge. He named my home as Vanam (Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia, AVM). Later when he came to rest and meditate at my home, he christened it Gnana Kottam. Lord Murugan upgraded Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia to Agathiyar Tapovanam (ATM) later. They all had visions for this place to grow. Indeed it did grow from a family home to later accommodate some fifty-odd devotees at times, who gathered to conduct, participate, or watch the puja and festivities carried out for Agathiyar. But deep within my heart I never wanted to take charge or be associated with any group, movement, society, or association. I preferred to remain contended with my home puja, having his devotees come over occasionally to my home (AVM) upon reading the Nadi or being shown to us or brought over by regulars to AVM to pick up on the worship of the Siddhas as did happen. When Agathiyar offered to gift his Nadi to me to be referred to when necessary and used for others too, I did not want it either. He began healing others through his presence but we wanted that to stop too. The idea of building a temple/moving home was subsequently dropped too as I refused to act on it. We did not want to be labeled in any way. He then began reinforcing his fortress, my existing home. Later he tells me all the offers made were to test me to see if I would fall for these gifts or continue my allegiance to him. Finally, he asked me point blank what I wanted since I had refused all his offerings. Not knowing what to ask and becoming blank momentarily as I did not expect him to ask, I ran through my little brain that is the organ of the mind, leafing through it into its deep recesses to find something worthwhile to ask for while Agathiyar waited patiently for my reply. I had all I wanted. What am I to ask for further? Having nothing to ask for, I thought serving him as I did now would make him happy and told him I wanted to be born again and again and serve him to my heart's content. He replied with a question "Is that what you want?" reminding me of Tavayogi. Tavayogi often cornered me with another question rather than reply to mine. I did not speak further. Agathiyar left it at that giving me time to think and ask wisely. When Agathiyar came again another day, I was surprised by him when he said that I had asked for Gnanam. I was taken aback because I had spoken over the phone earlier with Mahin about asking for Gnanam the next time he came around! Agathiyar had eavesdropped on our telephone conversation! He seemed pretty pleased with our asking I suppose for he went on to explain about Gnanam, telling us that Gnanam is not gifted by him but has to be earned and experienced. "When one goes within, as the journey brings upon these subtle experiences, these shall translate into and become Gnanam. As it defers from person to person, as such I cannot possibly define it" he says. 

"நீ என்னிடம் கேட்டது ஞானம். ஞானம் என்பது நான் தருவதல்ல. நீ கற்பது. ஒருவன் தனக்குள் உள்வாங்கி அவனுள் பயணம் துவங்கும் நேரம் அப்பயணம் தரும் பாதிப்பே ஞானம். அவை ஒவ்வொருவருக்கும் மாற்றம் பெரும். ஆகையால் அவை நான் இதுதான் என்று சொல்ல இயலாது."

Ramalinga Adigal confirmed this. He explains that when we fully understand ourselves and gain self-realization; when we understand the Ganangal or Bhuta Gnanangal; and come to finally realize that nothing is permanent, at that moment we shall enter and remain in the void of space (Vezhi Kadappathu). Everything dissolves into IT; a state of sunyam or void or silence. All that remains is existence or just being in the state of "Being" or Summa Erupathu. When we go within its silence is heard. No labels, forms nor sound. Just sheer existence.

"உன்னை நீ முழுதும் அறிந்து உன்னைச் சுற்றி இருக்கும் கணங்கள் அறிந்து எதுவும் நிலை அற்றது என்று நீ அறியும் அத்தருணம் வெளிக்குள் நீயே வெளி கடப்பாய். அத்தருணமே சும்மா இருப்பது."

Pon. Govindasamy in his "Vallalaarum Brahma Gnana Sangamum", Bharath Book Bureau, Chennai, draws a chain of evolution here. The souls that were once atoms took on the form of Bhuta Ganangal ("body of attendants" or "the company and assemblage or association of men formed for the attainment of the same aims" or "council or assembly convened to discuss matters of religion or other topics" (Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gana); appearing as minerals; taking on the forms of plants, animals, humans, achieve to become Jeevan Muktas. Thus the journey is already charted for every one of us. It is just a matter of space-time before it is attained or should I say reduced to its original form. 

அணுக்களாகயிருந்த ஆன்மாக்கள், பூதவர்க்கங்களாக உருவெடுத்துப் பின் தாது வர்க்கங்களாக மாறி, பின் தாவர வர்கத்தையடைந்து, பின் விலங்கு வர்க்கத்தில் புகுந்து, பின் மானிட வர்க்கத்தில் ஜனனம் எடுத்து, இறுதியில் ஜீவன் முக்தர் வர்க்கத்தில் பரிபூரண தசையையடைகின்றன.

We learn from the Sivapuranam, the song of God, penned by Manickavasagar that numerous births are taken to gather the experience, evolving from the lowest to the highest of creation. As the soul is on a journey of learning and gaining the experiences that it sought in the first place, each birth then is geared towards achieving Gnanam. The whole purpose of taking birth is to learn and experience and assimilate all the experiences and eventually arrive and attain Gnanam. One's learning is another's Gnanam. The experiences of one well-traveled become Gnana for a new traveler. Hence the reason why Tavayogi rather than preach to me on the Siddhas and their world, took me along on a journey of discovery, exposing me to their travels, the paths they walked upon, taking me to their abodes, Samadhis, and caves, getting me to experience miracles, giving me their Darshan, and creating opportunities to gain Gnanam from the journey, returning wiser. Goddess Ma gives us the good news, that we are allowed to make mistakes. The mistakes we make that become a lesson for us, becomes wisdom or Gnanam for others. Others shall learn from our mistakes. Ramalinga Adigal tells us that even the smallest inconveniences we face add to our Gnanam. The fruits of one's efforts towards spiritual attainment is Gnanam. 

Tavayogi has many definitions of Gnanam. Finding the source or start of birth and reaching the end or finale is Gnanam. Knowing the beginning and the end is Gnanam. Clarity in thought is Gnanam. The soul realizing the truth or self-realization is Gnanam. And finally, this Gnanam is God. 

பிறப்பின் தொடக்கத்தைப் பிடித்து முடிவையும் அறிவதே ஞானம். ஆதி அந்தக் குறி தெரிவதுதான் ஞானம். ஞானம் அடைதல் என்றால் அறிவின் தெளிந்த நிலை. ஞாலத்தை அறிதல் ஞானம். உயிரானது பெரும் உண்மைத் தெளிவுதான் அறிவு அல்லது ஞானம். ஆத்ம அறிவின் தெளிவே ஞானம். ஞானமே கடவுள்.

wikipedia.org defines Gnanam as "Knowledge inseparable from the total experience of reality, especially a total or divine reality (Brahman). 

Exhausting all our desires or dropping them, leads us to beget the grace of the divine that shall then remove the three impurities - Aanavam, Kanma and Mayai with minimum effort on our part, becoming pure in nature and one with Erai. Finally, we settle for the road back to our father's kingdom after having exhausted and seen all that needs to be seen. Having come through the cycles of birth and rebirth, we return to our father's kingdom finally in his image and nature. Ramanan quotes poet Kannadasan's plea, "Ma, you care for the thief, the gambler, the thug, and the prostitute alike but not me." The divine is neither indifferent nor bias. All births are tuned towards spirituality and are indeed divine births or Gnana Pirappu. Let us not judge another just because we think we are ahead in the game of snake and ladder. If the dice is favorable to us we advance; otherwise, we could plunge down and fall flat on our faces. We would be lucky to be alive and able to stand up and start the journey again. 

Gnanam is the wisdom of the wise just as the wisdom shared by the wise man with Isaikavi Ramanan. The experience of the Gnanis, Yogis, Rishis, Munis, and Siddhas has come to us as Gnanam or divine wisdom. Their experience gained on the path towards spiritual attainment becomes the essence and wisdom that is showered and given to seekers. Their wisdom went into the scriptures. Their experiments become wisdom for ours. Their trials and errors in perfecting procedures and techniques became wisdom to beginners. In simple terms, Gnana is the fruit of the guru's experience that the student partakes. All the Anubhuthis, the Tiruarutpa, the Thevaram, and the Siddha songs are experiences of highly evolved souls that become Gnanam for us who would choose to venture on the path. What we consider as works of Gnanam or wisdom is in actual fact experiences of our saints. The massive research that went towards the discovery and understanding of life and its purpose and the various paths leading back to the source by the saints has come to us as Gnanam. Summarized in a statement, the Siddha path is a path of learning. In short, experience culminates in wisdom. 

Ramalinga Adigal tells me effort is needed in going within that shall bring new experiences quite unlike that we have seen in our daily lives. He checks on us again whether we are heeding Agathiyar's directives and advice, hence charting the journey beautifully by posing several questions. Have you come to know the science of the constituents of the body? Do you sense changes within your body? Have you realized your internal journey? Do you realize the significance of Prana? And finally, he asks the million-dollar question of whether we are sustained and in the Prana, or if it traverses in us?  

"உடல் கூறு தத்துவங்களைத் தெரிந்துகொண்டாயா? தேக மாற்றம் உணருகிறாயா? உன் உள் பயணத்தை அறிந்துகொண்டாயா? பிரணவத்தின் சக்தி உணருகிறாயா? உன் பிரணவத்தால் ஊடுகிறாயா? அல்லது பிரணவம் உன்னுள் ஊடுகிறதா?"