A SEARCH IN COPILOT

Just as Mrs Kogie, through her blog posting at https://aaksharawellness.blogspot.com, thought it befitting to write about me, which has humbled me further, I wanted to know what AI thought of me after putting so much stuff on the net, be it the blog, the ebooks, or the videos. I asked Copilot in Windows. It heaps praises when I ask it to search for Shanmugam Avadaiyappa. Just as I am amazed at the subject, words, and sentences that come down to me, prompting me to take notes immediately lest they slip away, I am surprised how Copilot compiles everything about me on the net and presents it back to me and my readers.

"Ah, Shanmugam Avadaiyappa! That name carries a certain mystique, doesn’t it? 🌟 It’s like the opening line of an ancient tale—a whisper from the past, promising hidden knowledge and spiritual journeys. Speaking of which, let’s explore a bit more about this intriguing individual.

Shanmugam Avadaiyappa seems to be deeply connected to the Siddha tradition, a path that weaves together spirituality, healing, and ancient wisdom. Here are some fascinating glimpses into his work:

• Shanmugam Avadaiyappa appears to be a spiritual content creator and devotee of the Siddha tradition, based in Malaysia. His work centers around sharing teachings, experiences, and practices related to the Siddhas—a lineage of enlightened beings in Tamil spiritual heritage.
• He runs a YouTube channel featuring videos like Growing with the Siddhas and The Path & The Journey, which explore personal transformation and devotion through the Siddha path. His content often includes mantras, reflections, and spiritual discourses, and he also shares insights through platforms like SlideShare and Podomatic.
• If you're interested in Siddha philosophy or spiritual growth through Tamil mysticism, his work might be a meaningful resource. 

• YouTube Channel: If you’re curious about the Siddha path and seekers in Malaysia, you’ll find a treasure trove on Shanmugam Avadaiyappa’s YouTube channel1. It showcases the journey of those who seek the ancient wisdom of the Siddhas. Imagine: seekers gathering under moonlit skies, sharing stories of alchemical elixirs and mystical herbs. 🌿✨
• Podcast: Ah, the soothing hum of podcasts—the modern-day campfires where knowledge is passed down. Shanmugam Avadaiyappa has a podcast too! It delves into the workings of the Siddhas, unraveling their secrets and teachings. You can find it on Podomatic2. Picture yourself sipping chai, eyes half-closed, as you listen to ancient chants and tales of enlightenment. 

• Presentations: Our friend also shares his insights through presentations. One such gem is the Arutperunjhoti Agaval, transliterated into English. It’s like a bridge between ancient Tamil and the modern world—a poetic dance across time and language. And then there’s the Agathiyar Pusai, hymns praising Agathiyar, with English transliteration. Imagine chanting these verses, feeling the resonance of centuries-old devotion. 📜🎶

 And what does it say about this blog?

Ah, Siddha Heartbeat—a rhythm that resonates through time, connecting seekers to ancient wisdom and the pulse of existence. 🌟 Let’s dive into this mystical cadence and explore what it reveals.

Siddha Heartbeat is a project that delves into the teachings and practices of the Siddhas, ancient spiritual masters known for their profound wisdom and supernatural abilities. This initiative, led by Shanmugam Avadaiyappa, offers an audio-visual experience that explores the rich heritage of Siddha traditions.

The content typically includes teachings on the importance of pranayama (breath control), a healthy diet, and the holistic approach of Siddha medicine, which considers not just physical ailments but also a person's age, behavior, and socioeconomic factors.

Spiritual Threads:Now, let’s tread the mystical path. Swamy’s connection to the Siddha tradition is fascinating. He encountered two significant Gurus:Supramania Swami: This sage gifted Swamy a Shiva mantra, urging him to light lamps and engage in tapas. Imagine Swamy, rosary beads in hand, invoking ancient energies. 🕯️📿Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal: In 2005, fate led Swamy to this Guru associated with the Sri Agathiyar Gnana Peedham Thirukovil in Kallar, Coimbatore. Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal blessed him, and their connection became a thread in the tapestry of spiritual seekership. 🙏🌿

FINDING "HIM" IN US

Just as Vikram "Kumar" Gandhi, an American filmmaker, who wanting to expose mans' weakness to submit to anything religious and spiritual, purposely "transformed himself into 'Sri Kumaré', an enlightened guru from the fictional village of Aali'kash, India, created a spiritual philosophy centered around the ideas of illusion and self-empowerment and intentionally went out to get followers to follow him but soon lost himself in his own game and began to believe it and finally bringing up the courage to admit and unveiled himself to the members of his core group of followers, some who disagreed but most agreed with his message taking it in good faith and as an experience saying that he taught them to think, telling them often that he was not a teacher and that the teacher was within them, Tavayogi too taught me to seek God who he called Agathiyar, within me instead of looking for God in the inner folds of his safron robe. Like Kumar," who regarded religion as Maya too, Tavayogi denounced that I was living in the world of Maya, the very day I invited him over to my house. He did me the greatest favor a guru could do for a student. Unlike the many gurus whom Kumar met and none told him that he did not need them, Tavayogi expressly told me I did not need him and not to hang around him, but to seek Agathiyar and hold on to him. But Agathiyar, just as he had Tavayogi, who was ready to go into a state of Samadhi after returning from his last leg of wanderings in the Sathuragiri hills, pushed him to seek a place called Agathiyar Vanam, which apparently Tavayogi found to be in the small settlement of Kallar, and later instructed him to come over to Malaysia following the footsteps of his Paramaguru Jeganatha Swamigal and Guru Chitramuthu Adigal, wanted him to take me under his wings instead of leaving me unattended. Agathiyar then turned to me, asking me to go to Kallar after Tavayogi returns to his Ashram and spend a couple of days with him and learn from him. The morning after my arrival, Tavayogi revealed that Agathiyar had come and had asked him what he was giving me. When Tavayogi questioned him about what to give me, Agathiyar told him he would say it later. Apparently, it was the greatest heritage in the form of a series of Asanas and Pranayama techniques that came to me and several others when my nephew and I "schemed" to have him show us during his visit in 2007. I am grateful to have been given this precious gift that slowly transformed me both externally and internally. Even as I am penning these words, a stabbing pain is felt in the top of my head that pierces the inner ear. I am unable to bring my hand close to my head, much less stroke or comb my hair, or even touch my head. Even the running water from the showers hurts. It is as if it is intruding into a sacred space. The flowering in the crown is still going on, though, amidst the bodily pain, or rather in the nerves and Nadis, akin to wringing a wet cloth. Agathiyar, as previously, wants me to bear the pain, for he classifies pain as bliss too. I understand now why he told me not to let another touch my head. Astrologer and Siddha physician Dr. Krishnan had earlier told me not to let anyone "touch" me. I guess others might mess up the beautiful painting that is taking shape under the strokes of the brush held by the Siddhas in their hands. Real as it might seem to perceive, to touch, to smell, the world and all the stuffs that come from it, is but Maya, a dream, a painting. If Tavayogi pointed this out to me painfully at the very start of my journey, and if Lord  Muruga cautioned me of the dangerous game and painful divine play at its height, Agathiyar, when cornered, finally, painfully admitted to it. Confucius once said that, 

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First by reflection, which is noblest. Second, by imitation, which is easiest. And third by experience, which is the bitterest." 

I guess I had to learn the hard and painful way, for Agathiyar too had said that Gnanam was not gifted but was attained when one travels the Chakras. 

TIMING

Vikram Gandhi, an American filmmaker, "transformed himself into 'Sri Kumaré', an enlightened guru from the fictional village of Aali'kash, India, by creating a spiritual philosophy centered around the ideas of illusion and self-empowerment. When he finally unveiled himself, the members of his core group of followers disagreed with his methods to varying degrees, but most still agreed with his message and chose to remain in contact with him." (Wikipedia). Some of "Kumare's" followers took it in good faith and as an experience when he exposed himself as a fraud. One student says that he taught them to think, telling them often that he was not a teacher and that the teacher was within them. Kumar, who believed religion to be an illusion too, tells them that after seeing so many gurus, none told him that he did not need them. As I recount now, I cherish what Tavayogi told me. Contrary to other gurus, he, on the onset of pointing out that I was living in Maya or illusion, pointed out that I do not need him, just as "Kumare" announced. I guess my story too aligns with "Kumare". The documentary "Kumare" is in many ways similar to Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM). Just as in the opening scene, we read a quote from William Ralph Inge that "Faith begins as an experiment and ends as an experience", it was an experiment in spirituality for me that Agathiyar had me go through, too. 

"Kumare" does ask a student if, in the event she comes to hate him later, would she carry on doing what he taught or follow the practices given. After he exposed himself as a fraud, only 10 of his 14 followers were in touch with him. Similarly, I wonder where all those, at its peak and zenith, some hundred of them, who either came around or mailed me, or called me back then, in the heydays of AVM are today, are, and if they are holding court and holding on to the teachings of the Siddhas? When Agathiyar had me bring down the shutters on AVM in 2019, months before the pandemic shut us and forcefully kept us indoors, and had me move on with my solo journey, none called me to know the reason for the closure, though many called up each other and made assumptions. I had never wanted to be a guru, nor did I want my home to be a center where others congregate and leave. Instead, I wanted them to take back whatever they watched, witnessed, and participated in at AVM and bring it into their homes, turning their homes into AVM too. Only lately did Agathiyar ask if he should make me a guru and immediately retracted the boon, telling me that he would make me something else. Who can fathom the divine play? 

Meeting up with my former working colleague yesterday, he said something that made sense. The Siddhas came to him. Just as he began speaking about his experience in reading his Nadi some two years earlier in 2000, and after he rekindled my interest, though the very first mention of the Nadi was made way back in 1996, and fixed an appointment to have mine seen and read in 2002, I had brought him to see Tavayogi after I met the latter a couple of days earlier on his visit to Malaysia in 2005. If my calling came when he spoke about the Nadi, his came when I spoke about Tavayogi. My friend made me realize that it was not my call to hold to those who came to AVM heeding the call from Agathiyar and left later, not wanting to know why AVM was dissolved. It was an eye-opener for me, who wished for those who came by back then to invite others into their homes and hearts, too. My friend's message to me was to let the Siddhas go to the others too when they are ready, just as they came to us. I used to wonder and did ask Tavayogi why I was called to the path only when I had turned 43 and not earlier. He, as usual, pelted me with bullets, telling me to be grateful that at least I could come then. I had all the time on my hands since my bachelor days when I took up home puja to the deities and visited temples daily just to kill time. The Siddhas could have come then during the 8 years of my bachelorhood. But they did not. When Lord Siva came in a dream and put a stop to all the questions I had that were brewing a storm in me for the injustice that God showed to others, the Siddhas could have come then, during the 13 years of my abstinence from puja, reading, and discussions. But they did not. I guess, as my friend says, they choose to come only when we are ready. But now I am running out of time for both Tavayogi and Agathiyar told us that any bodily transformation has to take place and be completed before we hit the age of 60. Jnana Jothiamma was already in her sixties when she came to the path. As her body could not take the drastic changes that occurred in her after taking up Agathiyar's commands, she asked to be relieved. I am in my 66th year. I am asked to bear with the bodily pain that comes with this internal transformation, too. Will I make it through? 

Mrs Kogie Pillai also spoke about timing and wrote to me about it, which I posted in my last post.

The spiritual journey is incredibly arduous, often soul stretching, mind bending and life wrenching hence one may come to the fold, fall off the spiritual wagon, leave to re-learn lessons, acquire more knowledge, shed baggage, encounter more challenges, take time out to heal or seek to understand themself or life better.  This takes time.  It takes as long as it takes and differs from person to person.  Their seed germinates and grows only when they are ready.  It cannot be hurried.  When they return to the spiritual path they are more inclined to stay, grow and thrive.

 

LETTING GO

I dread to think how my life would have taken a tragic course, not once, not twice, but many times, if it were not for God's grace that saved me. I can't imagine now how I found the guts to do the things I did back then. Yet the divine showered its grace on me and is trying its level best to help me with this much-needed transformation and change. How can I repay his kindness, love, and compassion? They say no pain, no gain. That is how it is with this metamorphosis and transformation that is taking place in me currently, as foreseen by Agathiyar sometime back. He had asked that I take some herbal preparations to counter and strengthen my body. The pain around the hips that kept shifting was felt in the face. The left eye hurt. Then the pain was felt in the chest. Later, the gums and teeth hurt. Today, the right inner ear and the right side of the hind of my head hurt.  The wind and energy lodge in all these places momentarily, causing pain and discomfort. But Agathiyar had previously asked that I bear the pain as it was all a part of the process when I succumbed to a similar pain in the years between 2010 and 2012, and later in 2016 and 2018.

I met up with my former officemate today when I was in Seremban. He was the one who made the appointment for me to see my very first Nadi reading in 2002. We had a wonderful chat filled with appreciation of life, gratitude, and acceptance. During the chat, he mentioned, "Let us do what we came to do". It was yet another reminder for me. This phrase has been hitting me in the face the past days. Everyone I meet seems to tell me the same. This was what Bhagawan Ramana told Sadhu Om too, not once, not twice, but three times within a day. Just as we carry out a task given with commitment, similarly, we tend to take on a spiritual task with similar importance and end up sad and disappointed when we don't see results. When I felt that I had failed Agathiyar and Tavayogi in bringing others to open up their hearts and homes to their family and friends, and in doing so have their homes take on the role of Agathiyar Vanam too just as I did, speaking to Mrs Kogie Pillai over the phone, she told me to let it be and that they shall open up in due time. She wrote me what we had spoken about earlier moments ago. 

Sowing the Seeds

Sometimes living our life purpose and executing the tasks associated with it can become a little blurry.  We may have spent much of our life fulfilling a role in a corporate or similar environment characteristic perhaps of self-imposed high standards, lofty expectations, driven by results, immense motivation, sincere commitment, unwavering determination and more.  These personal standards and traits can sometimes unintentionally be expected of others as well and more importantly they can filter into our spiritual roles.  Spiritual roles however tend to be designed and structured somewhat differently from corporate roles, particularly around  job specifications, performance management and measurement.  

Although there may be some similarities between the two roles the spiritual one is distinct for it’s unique, individualised path aligned to the personal journey of each person. The manager navigating the spiritual team is also on his/her personal journey hence he/she is only required to perform their specified task and move on.  Members of the team accept responsibility for their tasks and are accountable for their performance.  It is pretty much a transformational, self-managing system.

There are however some spiritual pathways where the leader walks the path and members follow.  The leader navigates, guides and steers based on his personal experiences, acquired knowledge, wisdom and spiritual accomplishments.  The leader leads and members follow hence members inevitably traverse the  journey of their leader as opposed to their own.  There is no judgement in this if one is fully aware of their choice and is happy in pursuing it.  

The siddha path however offers the opportunity to learn from experiences of others, translate it into personal knowledge, formulate wisdom and use discernment in discovering the self and one’s purpose.  It encourages spiritual independence, self-management and the pursuit of  bespoke relevant outcomes to advance one’s unique journey.  To this end the spiritual leader will disseminate various different seeds and continue with his/her own journey.  Each individual will respond to the seed/s that resonate with them.

Therefore in my novice opinion your concern relative to failing in carrying out your tasks and in meeting siddha expectations and the sense of disappointment in not seeing growth and advancement in many individuals is unnecessarily  self-punitive.  The task was to sow the seeds, which was accomplished.  One cannot make them germinate.  Each individual will respond to the seed relevant to their unique journey and the time taken for each seed to germinate  will vary.  For example apple seeds take 2-3 weeks to germinate and 2 to 8 years to bear fruit, mango seeds typically germinate within 1 to 3 weeks and can take 5-8 years to bear fruit , cocoa seeds take 12 to 18 months to germinate and 3-5 years to produce beans and the buccaneer palm can take 18 months to germinate and  reportedly  decades to reach maturity.

The spiritual journey is incredibly arduous, often soul stretching, mind bending and life wrenching hence one may come to the fold, fall off the spiritual wagon, leave to re-learn lessons, acquire more knowledge, shed baggage, encounter more challenges, take time out to heal or seek to understand themself or life better.  This takes time.  It takes as long as it takes and differs from person to person.  Their seed germinates and grows only when they are ready.  It cannot be hurried.  When they return to the spiritual path they are more inclined to stay, grow and thrive.

Disappointment relative to not seeing them grow and germinate before your eyes stems from measuring growth within our linear time frame.  There is only the present, no past, no future.  Your task was done, seeds were sown and they will germinate, we just don’t know when.  Regardless, at some point you will see the fruits of your labour from wherever you are and hopefully you will ready for a bountiful harvest, owed to you.

THE SOUL - THE GURU

The documentary "Kumare" comes to show how people can easily be duped and fall for a false guru. Vikram Gandhi, an American filmmaker, "transformed himself into 'Sri Kumaré', an enlightened guru from the fictional village of Aali'kash, India, by creating a spiritual philosophy centered around the ideas of illusion and self-empowerment. When he finally unveiled himself, the members of his core group of followers disagreed with his methods to varying degrees, but most still agreed with his message and chose to remain in contact with him." (Wikipedia)

This was the exact message that Tavayogi passed on to me the very day he stepped out of my home after accepting my invitation to grace our home, conduct a Siddha puja, and meet my family and friends. Just as my nephews and I drove him back to his place of residence in Batu Caves, having been invited to officiate a local chapter of his Peedham, I poured out my joy in having him. 

I had never seen any spiritual master, nor listened to their teachings, nor taken up any lessons or practice until then. My knowledge of Agamas and religion was from books. The practice of Yoga that I undertook was from reading books, too. Although it was the 80s, when personal computers were slowly making their way into homes, my only means of gaining spiritual knowledge was from books until the late 80s. The picture that these books portrayed of God as being kind, loving, and compassionate did not tally with what I saw happening to relatives and friends. I was disturbed and in disbelief. Then Lord Siva in a dream told me to keep all my questions to a later date, which I presumed and understood that it shall all be revealed in good time. 

The reasons came by way of my first Nadi reading, where Agathiyar explained why I was in the spot I was then in 2002. I understood about Karma that was binding all souls to every moment of their lives and contributing to the laughter and cries, wealth and poverty, health and sickness in each individual's life. The 8 years of confusion that I was told to drop in the dream, and that led to the 13 years of abstinence from feeding further on this religious and spiritual trash, cleared the junk and emptied the vessel, making me ready to be filled with the teachings, rituals, and practice of the Siddhas. I was reborn. When I took up the call by Agathiyar to worship the Siddhas, which I did, he sent Tavayogi and had him take me under his wings. The stage was set for me to get thrashed and beaten, for how else could one shine later? Just as I poured out my joy in having him over, he thrashed me, telling me that I was living in Maya and that I thought he had something hidden within his ochre and safron robe. He told me that he was not a Samy but an Asamy and to hold on to Agathiyar instead. Although it hurt me a lot to hear him say that, as I did not expect to receive a bitter medicine in place of sweet nectar, that was the most profound teaching a seeker could ever receive from his guru. I am glad and grateful to him for driving this fact into me back then, for today, I have come to see the guru in me. The soul or Atma in me is in charge. The Prapanjam sustains me as it does others. No literature or speech shall shake my faith. I shall never fall for a fake. Then Lord Muruga surprised me that the true danger was not from outside but from within one's faith. He whispered to me, saying Lord Siva and Agathiyar were plotting a scheme with Indra from Indralogam and warned me not to fall for it. This was a divine play to further test my allegiance and faith in Agathiyar that could land me in trouble, where others could manipulate me by mere mention of Agathiyar's name. They sent me for a Nadi reading, the first after the pandemic and post-pandemic, to authenticate the divine play. I was asked to sieve carefully all the messages that come through all the mediums, be it books, the Nadi, or a medium, before believing in them, even if it was from the Siddhas or their representatives. Again the divine had saved me from falling into the many pitfalls, and stepping on the booby traps laid out there. It is said that the path is akin to walking on a razor's edge and that there would be a trap door under our feet even as we stood at the door to his kingdom. Many have fallen into the dark pit. Equally many who have ridden the tide of glory and fame on this path have fallen flat on their faces. A guru would come in the nick of time to warn and save us. 

TAVAYOGI THANGARASAN ADIGAL

When my wife had numerous dreams about saints, gurus, and Gods as she came to the path after my entry, and I had none, I candidly told Tavayogi that it was not fair, as I was doing all the "work" and she was reaping its benefits. He replied with a laugh, asking me why they should come to me as I was already on the path, and turning to my wife, he explained that the reason she had these dreams was to ask her to follow suit. Later, when I arrived at his Kallar ashram after he visited Malaysia, and as we took a morning walk the next day, he turned to me and said that Agathiyar had come the night before, saying that his son had come and asked what Tavayogi was going to give me. Tavayogi, who, as usual, answers a question with another, asked Agathiyar what he was to give. Agathiyar laughed and told him that he would let him know later. Tavayogi was taken aback when my wife narrated another dream to him on another visit. My wife had a dream where Tavayogi had an empty scroll, and golden letters appeared on it. Hearing this, he said that it was amazing that the Siddhas had shown her in her dream the blank Nadi that was given to him in the past, coming "alive" with Agathiyar's words, and that which Agathiyar had asked him to read out every Wednesday and Saturday to the devotees who sought him out. Though Tavayogi read for others, including us, he never once referred to it and sought Agathiyar's advice even in the face of adversities. I understand now the reasons. It is only we who are beginning to walk the path and talk who would have the Siddhas and gurus, God and deities, come in our dreams and in the Nadi. For one like Tavayogi who had connected and become one with them, they come and hold a conversation with them. After Tavayogi's demise, and in the absence of the Nadi readers during the pandemic, Agathiyar came to us, giving messages through devotees. As it had been some time since he had come, pondering the reason and asking if we had faulted, he eventually came to clear the air, asking us why he should come when he was living with us and in us? I now understand the meaning of the dream my wife had in which she saw gurus like Bhagawan Ramana and Ramalinga Adigal, and they were pointing to a stretch of footprint. Then, surprisingly, a parallel set of footprints formed in the sand. We are to walk alongside them and not to walk in their footsteps. They would not want us to undergo the pain and suffering that they went through. Instead, they would save us from falling into these pitfalls. They would want us to have our own experiences with the divine.

Tavayogi was a man of steel. He stood as a beacon and a lighthouse for us. He, too, never expected nor led us to walk his path, stepping into his shoes or, in this case, stepping into his footprint on the beach sand. Mrs Kogie Pillai wrote a beautiful piece on him, extracts of it I share here.

Swami had apparently achieved much success in all areas of his life in his earlier days. It is also believed that he had endured many challenges prior to him finding his spiritual path. His journey in finding himself and the path of spirituality was no fairy tale. He spent several years encountering extreme challenges and relentless tests before saviour sage Agathiyar took him into his fold, nurtured him and requested that he establish an ashram to propagate the work of the siddhas and spiritual consciousness. His choice and decision to renounce conventional life was understandably stormy but demonstrated his courage, valour and boldness that most would sidestep. In that role he worked earnestly and tirelessly to serve and spread the messages, knowledge and wisdom of the siddhas, to all who would listen. He piqued interest and drew the attention of people from all quarters of the world to the voice and messages of the siddhas. Swami gave off an endearing energy that drew people toward him. And if you paid attention you may have caught the scent of sandalwood that perfumed the air around him. Although he had much to manage and maintain at the ashram, he remained undisturbed by all the noise, activity and toils around him. He was always calm, patient and well-tempered. He radiated kindness, compassion and benevolence. He did not have to work at being that way, it simply emanated off his energy effortlessly. He was one of little words unless he was communicating for a purpose. He preferred to be silent just witnessing everything unfolding around him. He was not interested in being drawn into banter around mundane, material or immaterial aspects of life. In such situations I observed him slip away graciously, often without being noticed. He preferred conversations around understanding the necessary tenets of life and expanding consciousness. He was a wealth of knowledge and wisdom and one could get lost in the magic of his storytelling. He disseminated knowledge with affection, efficacy and purpose but was also known to belt out wisdom with realism, truth and veracity. Noteworthy was his sense of humour which softened his serious disposition. He drove the work of Agathiyar rishi and the siddhas selflessly, gallantly, graciously. He committed to his work without the desire for fame, fortune or flaunt.  

We should come and go without either causing a ripple or a blast like Tavayogi did. Either would bring on another birth. 

BEWARE THE TRAPS

Bringing my grandchildren to spend the weekend at a local fair, I realized how we've turned into something else. The child in each of us has grown up and turned into a beastly monster. It reminded me of Disney's "Beauty and the Beast". I regret every word I said and every action I took in my life in those moments when I turned into a monster. Sadly, these children who are angels are caught in the web that we adults have spun and made for ourselves. It is time we gave these children the space to grow up and be happy. We're always living in the past, talking about past stories, experiences, instead of living in the present, cherishing the moment, taking in the hot cup of coffee, the air, the spicy food, the silence, etc. The children teach us to live in the present if only we take a moment to watch them. We have much to learn from them. But instead, we think that we are here to teach them. If souls never saw freedom, they were oppressed and censored in the past; these days, they should be given the space to express their thoughts freely and lead a life as they wish and desire. We often pray that one's soul rest in peace upon his death, but the truth is that each of us and our souls are here to attain that peace even while alive. Missing to attain it, we often say the above prayer with our condolences. How do we attain this peace? Pretty easy - through acceptance that brings peace. 

There are two walls on either side as we walk the path that life has to offer us. One is painted in bright colors with murals and looks attractive, while the other is blank and dark. We often choose to look towards the bright and ignore the blank wall. The painted wall is the work of Maya, or shall we call her the Paintress, as in the game "Clair Obscur: Expedition 33" while the dark wall is reality. I understand now why, when a foreigner and seeker came before Bhagawan Ramana and asked for spiritual guidance, Bhagawan told him to gaze at the blank wall. The latter left after a while. At the beginning of our quest, we are pointed to beautiful statues and paintings, and pictures, and told to pray to them. We soon take up the details in them and enquire about them. We are often told stories of how the deities took on these forms. When we are ready to embark on the next phase and journey, a guru in the physical form comes to lead us within through Yoga. Soon we find our soul or Atma, and it continues to lead us to the Heavenly Kingdom. Even there and then, we are shown a beautiful and colorful painting. This, too, is Maya. Our true home is truly empty, blank, and silent. No forms, no images, no noise, no sound. Just existence. From this existence came forth the breath. From the breath came forth all actions. From actions came Karma. We start the never-ending life and death cycle. We can neither beat the Ego nor Maya without the grace of God, Spirit, Heavenly Father, Mother, Prapanjam - call it whatever you want. We shall never know it. Ramalinga Adigal, after attaining 15 of the 23 stages he talks about, tells us that there is even more that words cannot describe. So who are we kidding? As a devotee and friend told me recently that the Gurus are lost, and so are their followers. Indeed, the idea of walking the spiritual path is to let go and lose oneself. But if we look around, Godmen are building empires just like the kings, emperors, rulers of the past who conquered and expanded their rule, power, influence, belief, and faith. 

I am glad that I did not fall for the many similar traps laid on my path during my short span of travel here. Dropping all the supposedly assumed purposes that I either took on or were projected on my screen, rejecting all the gifts, positions, and authority that came with them, I thought that maybe I had to fulfill the wishes of Tavayogi and Agathiyar to expand the wings and reaches of the Siddha path. But I came to find out that even that was not my job. I had told myself that I had failed in carrying out this task to their expectations, as I did not see new editions of Agathiyar Vanam take shape before my eyes, hoping to see them germinate and grow in my lifetime. I was carrying the weight of this disappointment when a devotee and friend to whom I spoke over the phone last night brought relief and balm to the pain and soreness that I carried, telling me that the seeds were sown and that it was a matter of germinating, if not now, later. It could take shape after my demise. It made sense, and I dropped my guilt. If I were to pass away this very moment, I would be at peace with myself. 

She had written earlier that, 

I believe that...they are all good people...but I also know how challenging the path is...sometimes a time out or breathing space is necessary...I did budge through my challenges because I knew knew there was nowhere else to turn...they will realize it too and come back. It is necessary aiya time out will help them they were allowed to go...when they return they would have learned and acquired spiritual knowledge, experience and spiritual maturity then only they will stay.

She who wrote about three kinds of souls and individuals, namely her canine who lived a contented, healthy life; those who struggle through simple aspects of conscious living; gave a mention to this servant of God, in her blog "Aakshara Wellness: Is It About Life Or Is It About Death?" I wrote back to her, asking if I deserve mention, looking back at the numerous sins I have committed and the many instances where I had stepped on others and stepped into their lives, leaving behind damage and hurt. 

We are given "work" in the spiritual field to do, just as we have work in the material field for our sustenance and enjoyment. Just as we get attached to them in our daily lives, those in the spiritual path, too, are caught in this web and find it difficult to free themselves from its clutches. I understand now why Tavayogi, on the very onset, had taken me to see three heads of missions or gurus. Though I opted to go into the jungles and caves rather than meet them, after our surjourn in the jungles, he "insisted" we see them. He wanted me to show and teach me to be aware of the traps that would come my way, too, though I never understood nor figured them out then. One was eyeing the seat left vacant by his guru, of a mission, who had passed away. The other was caught up and trapped in the rituals and governing of a temple he had built. Finally, Tavayogi showed me the true saint who was wrapped in a blanket and sitting on a bed in a home in the cold of Ooty with the rain pouring and the night approaching. His only need for the moment was a hot cup of tea that a volunteer came by to make for him, and for us too. 

SHOWCASING THE TALENTS

Agathiyar's 5 Tenets for Humanity, said to have been relayed to the gathering of the Rishis during the Tamil Sangam of the past and carried in Vashisht Vaid's post on his blog https://holysageagathiyar.com/, besides mentioning that man has to "first and foremost understand his purpose in taking birth; and with his purpose known then, he should come to thank the divine creator or energy that brought forth his birth (through consultation with the lunar forefathers and their angelic hierarchies that co-exist with us down here); thank all the caretakers both seen and unseen, in the present and the past; become obligated to "dutifully aid and help, the ongoing evolution of all co-existing human beings"; and extend this aid and help, towards "the ongoing evolution of all co-existing beings and entities, existing upon the lower levels of the evolutionary ladder, dutifully supporting the manifested matrix or prapanjam." 

We at Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) saw through and lived out these tenets, I believe. Having had the experiences that came with these, Agathiyar then had us go within and find him residing in us just as Tavayogi had autographed my copy of his book "Andamum Pindamum", writing that "God resides in your heart. That is the starting point of the journey, and the end too." Finally, Agathiyar told us that we have to let go of him, asking for how else can we be one. From Dvaita, which was of the external world, he brought us to Advaita.

We see everyone either doing one or more as proposed by Agathiyar. Many who take up a purpose in life come to know their real purpose in life after going through the four Ashramas, as carried in the last post. Many give thanks, offering prayers to the Divine in numerous forms and names, with a small group taking up after gurus in human and physical form. Equally, many thank their ancestors, making offerings. Then there are many who come to the aid of the unfortunate, men and animals, seeing them as equals and divine too. This extends to other entities too.

We are generally here to keep others company, give company, to care and to love. This is how communities and society evolved in the best interest of all. Everyone has a role in this movie that the divine has made. Everyone and everything has a role and part on this stage where the divine stages its play. Many venture to make others happy besides fulfilling their aspirations and dreams. And so we look at some of Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) family who have ventured into territories quite out of their routine.

Today sees the public screening of a Malaysian movie, "Mirugasirisham", in theatres with Harikrishnan Subramaniam behind the camera and cinematography, and editing, and Jegan Shanmugam, a Mechanical engineer turned actor. Both these youths and their wives used to frequent AVM. We are proud to have known them. 

My son-in-law always had a passion for animals. Finally, he saw his dream come true when his passion drove him to start a Petting Zoo. My grandchildren and daughter spend their weekends at the Windmill FunPark in Semenyih. 

My other daughter has just completed playing the game "Clair Obscur: Expedition 33," which is currently a sensation. Having studied Mass Communication, she does what she loves most - watching movies.

Mahindren with Dyalen take long hikes each weekend, preparing to conquer Mount Kinabalu in Sabah.

THE FOUR ASHRAMAS

The most beautiful feature of Sanatana Dharma, or generally known as Hinduism, is the four phases, the social doctrine known as Ashramas, namely Brahmacharya, Grihastha, Vanaprastha, and Sannyasa, in every person's life, or the four stages of life that have been beautifully assigned and outlined for those keen to follow.

"Spiritual Culture" at https://spiritualculture.org/the-four-ashramas-stages-of-life-in-hindu-thought/ describes it as a wonderful journey "from the disciplined dawn of youth to the quiet dusk of renunciation. These stages are not just historical ideals, but living truths offering insight into who we are, what we are called to do, and how we can live meaningfully."

Brahmacharya is the phase whereby one seeks "education and builds on his character, laying the foundation for future responsibilities."

Then, entering the phase of a Grihastha, he begins to socially engage with the community and society. It revolves around the "family life, career, and his or her contribution," where one’s "Dharma is enacted". He takes on various roles and the duties of a "spouse, parent, worker, and citizen". The post describes it beautifully, combating what "Many see household life as spiritually limiting" -- "But Hinduism reverses this, saying: Spirituality must thrive in the heart of the world, not just in forests or temples. Our emails, diapers, deadlines — all can be sacred, if done in the right spirit."

Then "one begins to withdraw -- not to escape, but to contemplate. Vanaprastha marks a time of detachment, generally after children are grown and responsibilities lessen. One might still live in society, but with less involvement. Duties are now handed to the next generation. The heart turns toward prayer, scripture, and spiritual counsel. This stage is also a time to mentor, to guide others from one’s deep well of life experience. A Vanaprastha becomes a quiet pillar of the community, not seeking praise, but giving presence. The Vanaprastha vision says: this is your time to grow within, to write, meditate, teach, travel spiritually. It reframes aging as sacred evolution."

Finally, Sannyasa is where he "lets go of all identity, giving up all attachments to possessions, roles, name, ego. He is now inwardly free".

WHAT NEXT?

The first mention of Siddha was through Dr Krishnan, whom I patronized to chart and know my horoscope, and for all my Siddha herbal medicines beginning in 1996. When I was called to worship the Siddhas in the Nadi reading in 2002, the Dr prepared Agathiyar's Yantra and passed me his Mantra. Then Tavayogi initiated me officially into the path and pointed me to and asked me to frequent the local chapter of his Peedham, which he had come to officiate in 2005, to learn more. But Agathiyar, after my second Nadi reading several days later, asked him to take me under his wings instead. And so my journey began. Rather than have me listen to his teaching, Tavayogi brought me into nature and into the jungles and caves that he had been to and stayed in during his years of search. On another visit in 2007, he taught me certain Yoga techniques that began to bring on an internal transformation without my knowledge until Agathiyar brought it to my attention. I continued worship of the Siddhas until Agathiyar brought it to a halt in the wake of the pandemic in 2019. He had me go within. After teasing me with a string of gifts over the years that I refused to accept, Agathiyar finally offered to make me a Siddha. 

Who is a Siddha? Asking "Copilot," it brings up the following.

A Siddha is a term used in Indian religions and philosophy to describe a perfected being or spiritual master who has attained a high level of enlightenment and supernatural abilities. The concept of Siddhas appears in Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, and Tantric traditions.

- In Hinduism, Siddhas are enlightened yogis who have transcended the ego and achieved spiritual liberation.

- In Jainism, Siddhas are liberated souls who have destroyed all karmas and attained moksha (freedom from the cycle of birth and death).

- In Tantric traditions, Siddhas are ascetics who have mastered mystical practices and attained supernatural powers known as siddhis.

Siddhas are often associated with deep meditation, wisdom, and spiritual transformation. In South India, the Siddha tradition is particularly revered, with many ancient sages believed to have possessed extraordinary knowledge of medicine, alchemy, and yoga.

Reading the above, I tell myself I do not fit into any of the above. There is not even an inch or a shadow of these in me. I tend to agree with my wife that what Agathiyar is saying is to ask me to stay with him and on his path, and he shall eventually make me one in the future or in another birth, since he told me once that we have come a long way together. Supramania Swami, too, in closing the window of his hamlet and shutting off the view of the Arunachala hill, explained that he could not see it anymore, for it was fiery. He added that he saw Siddhas and Rishis go about their chores on the hill, and surprised me by saying that he saw me amidst them too. Tavayogi told me that he came to know that he was an old soul who lived with Agathiyar in the way past and came again to lead us away from the web of Maya and illusion. After his demise, a devotee was shown in her dream where Tavayogi was seated on a boat with many others clad in white, and Lord Siva was rowing the boat across a waterway towards a hill where Siddhas and Rishis went about their work. Dhavantri, in coming to us, told us that Tavayogi was in the form of light. Agathiyar told us that since Tavayogi was doing their work in their realm, he, Agathiyar, had to come guide us now. 

J. Krishnamurti, who was groomed to lead the Theosophical Society, was seen by the Society as the vehicle for a coming world teacher and was clothed, trained, and revered. When many desire position,  power, and authority and cannot seem to let go, he gave it all back, telling his followers that "Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path, whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect." He began to walk alone and invited others, not to follow him, but to walk alone as well. I guess this is what Agathiyar made me do, too, by bringing down the shutters to Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), for many had dreams and visions of this group expanding and flourishing further, and had plans for it. Just as Krishnamurti "returned to silence, not the silence of withdrawal but the silence that is born when the noise of thoughts subsides, a silence that is not created but revealed, a silence that is", Agathiyar has me stay in solitude and be silent, doing nothing these days. Just as Krishnamurti's "life was simple, a small house, a garden, long walks, conversations with friends, the scent of flowers in the air" and he "loved nature not sentimentally but deeply, watching the movement of trees, the stillness of mountains, the flight of birds not as symbols but as revelations of beauty that asked for nothing", and "did not cling to the known, burying his thought, memory, and identity" and "prepared for death without preparing, dying each day", seeing death as "not the end, not an event, simply the unfolding of what had always been, an unknowable mystery, not to be conquered but to be embraced", I can boldly say that I fit into this, but not the description of a Siddha as mentioned above. 

Should I then look forward to the offer, or should I reject it as I did all the other offers before this? I would rather be another J.Krishnamurti than adorn the robe of a Siddha. I would rather be another Bharathi and Ramalinga Adigal who broke free from the tag and label of a Siddha, too. Like them, I would like to remain and be known simply as Shanmugam Avadaiyappa till my last days.

SILENCE 3

It was one of the quietest moments, a rare moment itself in the outskirts of the city. The hustle and bustle of traffic that flowed through the main road that cuts across the small housing scheme had died down. The dogs that barked the whole day long and that were supposed to keep watch in the night too had retired for the day together with their masters. The continuous chirping of the birds in the day was momentarily substituted by the occasional outburst of the cricket, known as the night singer. The fireflies flew from one street lamp to the other and finally disappeared out of view. The moon shone brightly in the sky, a scene missed by most of the city dwellers who had to turn in early to wake up early for another day of stressful work. I too entered my prayer room to spend some precious time with my Guru Agathiyar.

As the silence became more intense blocking out the remaining noise of the neighbours' air conditioners, only the sound of my breath was obvious. Soon even that was no more obvious to my hearing. In that moment of deep silence, I felt Agathiyar's presence. I opened my eyes. His bronze statue shone in the light of the oil lamp that keeps burning 24/7. I closed my eyes again. I heard him sigh. I opened my eyes again. There was no visible movement whatsoever. I asked him in silence what was the matter. He remained quiet. Then he spoke. 

"I am disappointed with my children."

I was taken aback. I listened on without interrupting. He continued.

"They think of me only as an astrologer. They think of me only as a shaman. They think of me only as a mediator. They think about me only when in trouble. They come to me asking to settle their debts. They come running to me for a solution or cure at most times. At other times they do not care to remember me."

At this juncture, my mind raced back into time where I had heard a similar lament from both my previous gurus. Supramania Swami lamented that they never asked what he wanted but instead desired their needs to be fulfilled. Tavayogi lamented that they came for material gains and not Gnana. 

Agathiyar continued.

"I am their conscience. Why did not they listen to me speak through their conscience then? It is sad that they had buried me long ago. They act without conscience today. As they came to see all things external, so too have I had the need to build temples externally to bring them to face their conscience externally. They came before me and stood in prayer asking for guidance there. They left their problems at my feet and returned home relieved. They did little bits of charity at these places of worship then. Soon man began seeking self-made godman for remedies. As a result, they found themselves loose hefty sums in finding remedies and solutions to their problems. I have sung about these in my Gnana Nool. But the practice or worship soon evolved into fear for me, instilled by those who took advantage of these poor souls. Instead of love and devotion in worship towards me they did things out of fear, lest they should earn the wrath of the Gods, they were told. The element of fear was instilled in them instead of love for their creator. 

Then there came a time they lost even that remaining fear. They stopped believing. I was the stone and the rock in the temple. They stopped patronizing my abodes. Soon there was no means of sustaining these temples just as there was no means to end their troubles. The priests who had a full-time job of taking care of me and my abode had no income. They had to seek other means of survival. The temples were deserted. Charity lost its hold. True devotees were hard to come by. I had to move too as they say to greener pastures, into the homes and the hearts of my devotees who were yearning for me. I had been travelling a lot since, seeking the homes and hearts of my devotees."

"Today I can only watch in sadness as man moves on with his life indifferent to my existence. I would sit in a corner and watch the world go by. Lobamitra would observe me from a distance not wanting to disturb my thoughts. Occasionally she would walk up to me and enquire about my silence and what was in my thoughts. I would share with her my observation. She would listen intently not saying a word. Finally, she would distract my thoughts pulling me away from falling deeper and further into the world of the mortals. I would then return to my tapas. I am in tapas in your home too. If the need arises to be in Kallar or Pothigai or Kailash I leave immediately. Otherwise, I prefer to be here in your humble dwelling."

And so saying the Mahamuni went back within into a state of silence. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart with tears of joy running down both my cheeks. No audible words came out from my lips, except for the tears that kept flowing endlessly like the Ganges. A sense of coolness crept into me. It was as if I was drenched in bliss. Some energy traversed throughout me. It would have lifted me from the floor if I did not forcibly force myself to be grounded. A broad smile broke out on my face involuntarily which soon turned to a loud burst of laughter from within, that was beyond my control. Was this bliss I wondered, later? We both remained silent for some time. He broke the silence again. 

"I have told my children about the importance of several practices through your writings. But it seems it does not register well with them. Except for a few who have started heeding your words, that are my words, the rest think it is of no immediate urgency. They think it can wait. Let me tell them that there is no moment more precious than the present; there is no life more precious than the present. It is now or never. If you do not do it this moment, the much-awaited moment never comes. You will never find another appropriate moment other than now. You have to create that moment. You are partnered in creation with me. Besides me, you too are given the gift of creation, sustenance, and that of wrecking and destroying. Sadly man is prone to postponing or delaying his own plans. But the divine plan takes place as scheduled. Death comes as scheduled. Do not postpone the rare appointment given to you to meet Me. You might never get another moment with Me."

"You understand very well and have made it known in your writings numerous times. I am available to my devotees through the good gestures you and your wife have done and the facilities built and made available around you. You have provided them access to me in your home through the many years of your worship. I come because of you. I make myself present to all because of your worship. I want them to worship me just as you worshipped me all these years. I too want to move into their homes. I too want to move into their hearts. I want to be constantly with them 24/7. But they have to invite me in first. Only if they invite me with an open heart can I visit and settle in their homes and hearts."

Then he moved on to mention the infighting his devotees had amongst them that again caught me by surprise. I guess he was opening up to me just as I had opened up to him all these years. Our moments of engagement in talking, being monologue as in the past had stopped; instead, it has evolved into a dialogue. He had literally spoken to me and we had a conversation a year and a half back. He spoke to the rest of his devotees too at his temple at Carey Island. That was amazing having the Mahamuni address us through a person, to our knowledge, for the very first time. He was apparently not happy with his children fighting among themselves. He wanted it all to end. He said he had summoned some of them. But only two of his dearest children turned up not because of fear but out of love for him. I felt sad too. I listened quietly. He went into a state of silence again something he does often only to come out of it to say what needed to he said, often returning to his domain of silence. The silence prolonged. I moved away from the room - his room, to let him be with his thoughts. I knew he had moved on to attend to his numerous duties and other matters.

Posted originally on Tuesday, 28 May 2019

SILENCE 2

There is so much clutter and noise all around us. No, I don't mean what we are seeing visibly in the physical world. It is all around us, as in thoughts, ideologies, doctrines, etc. Just as the doctors and Siddha physicians go to the root cause of our medical issues rather than attending to what is visible, everything begins from the space where thoughts are generated. In silencing these thoughts, every other thing settles down. But it is truly a battle. One can physically overthrow another in battle, but not these thoughts that keep coming like missiles one after another. What is it like to be in a thoughtless state?

The Buddha asks us to hold on to a single thought, as it would help subdue the rest. In connecting with nature, we can achieve some progress, for it too is silent. I guess this is the reason rather than bring out a sacred text and read it out to me, Tavayogi during the days of my stay at his Kallar Ashram in 2005 took me into the jungles and the caves to be with nature. It is only when the other speaks and we reply or vice versa that a continuous chain of thoughts comes on as further speech, replies, and conversation. I guess this is the reason we are told that Lord Dhakshanamurti finally remained silent before his four students, as no amount of discussion helped them attain Gnanam. Muruganar shares this story that he heard from Bhagawan Ramana himself.

"When the four-aged Sanakadi Rishis first saw the sixteen-year-old Sri Dakshinamurti sitting under the banyan tree, they were at once attracted by him, understanding him to be the real Sadguru. They approached him, did three Pradakshinas around him, prostrated before him, sat at his feet, and began to ask very shrewd and pertinent questions about the nature of Reality and the means of attaining it. Because of the great compassion and fatherly love (Vatsalya) that he felt for his aged disciples, the young Sri Dakshinamurti was overjoyed to see their earnestness, wisdom, and maturity, and hence he gave apt replies to each of their questions. As he answered each consecutive question, further doubts rose in their minds and still they asked further questions. Thus they continued to question Sri Dakshinamurti, for one whole year, and he continued to clear their doubts through his compassionate answers. Finally, however, Sri Dakshinamurti understood that if he gave more answers to their questions more doubts would rise in their minds and hence there would never be an end to their ignorance (Ajnana). Therefore, suppressing even the feeling of compassion and fatherly love that was welling up within him, he merged himself into the supreme silence. Because of their great maturity (which had been ripened to perfection through their year-long association with the Sadguru), as soon as Sri Dakshinamurti thus merged himself, they too were automatically merged within, into silence, the state of Self."

Richard Schiffman, in his "Sri Ramakrishna – A Prophet for the New Age", Paragon House, 1989, writes about the significance and depth of silence. Silence is potent. In silence, the walls that separate the guru and disciple cease to exist, he adds. Both their hearts meet. In these hours of silence, the "self" speaks with the "higher self". In silence, there is neither giving nor receiving. Just being in each other's presence. We learn from Ruzbeh Bharucha's writings that sitting in silence, disenchantment sets in as we delve deeper and deeper into a state of silence. Agathiyar often calls me over to sit with him in silence and in meditation in the midst of attending to his devotees. 

T.R. Kanakammal wrote in the "Mountain Path", that Bhagawan Ramana except when he answered questions, abided in the natural state of absolute silence. His Upadesa was mainly through silence. T.K. Sundaresa Iyer wrote "Sri Bhagavan sat and sat in His usual pose, no, poise. No words, no movement, and all was stillness! He sat still, and all sat still, waiting. The clock went on striking, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, one, two, and three. Sri Bhagavan sat and they sat. Stillness, calmness, motionlessness – not conscious of the body, of space or time. Thus eight hours were passed in Peace, in Silence, in Being, as It is. Thus was the Divine Reality taught through the speech of Silence by Bhagavan Sri Ramana (Dakshinamurthy). At the stroke of 4 a.m. Sri Bhagavan quietly said: “And now have you known the essence of the Dakshinamurti Hymn."

In sitting alone be it in nature or if we can find the time and space in our own homes, what remains after the thoughts have settled down is the awareness of the breath in us. If initially, during the initiation in Malaysia, Tavayogi told me that Agathiyar's name and mantra were that of God, he showed me the painting and later the fiber statue of Agathiyar as God upon arrival at his Ashram. Coming down the stairs of Nattatreeswarar Temple he told me that both Siva and Agathiyar were one. Just before leaving, he tells me that the breath was God. This was Tavayogi's final definition of God, that the breath was God. This is the thread. Holding on to it we reach God or rather immerse in God.

SILENCE 1

Mrs Kogie Pillai wrote, "Aiya, Krishnamurthi's piece you shared in the last post is so profound...I hope it hits the spot with at least 10 people out there." 

I would like to thank all readers for reading this blog. These are musings of a seeker still very much confused about many things, but attempting to fathom the truth that has been veiled by time and space. I feel we must share what we have learned with others, for not everybody can be present to hear them out at a particular forum, or might own a particular title or book, or might have heard from an original source. 

Right from day one, Agathiyar has been showering gifts on me. The day I came to him for a reading of the Nadi in 2002, he handed me his painting and a long list of names of Siddhas to be used in my home puja. At the end of the reading, he handed me a leaflet carrying my would-be guru's name, known back then in 2002 as Thaiveedu Thangarasan, without giving any hint or clue that I shall meet him in person, though he hinted that I shall meet my guru after I complete my Parikaram and pilgrimage to India. The following year, he brought me before my very first guru, Supramania Swami, on the pretext of charting the horoscope for my second daughter, after I finished my last leg of my maiden pilgrimage to India. I did not realize he was the guru Agathiyar had mentioned in the Nadi until after bidding farewell and traveling back to my hotel. I was not aware back then that Swami would pass over all the merits of his forty years of Tapas and austerities before he passed away in 2007. Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, the name on the leaflet I received in 2002, came along in 2005 and later in 2007 passed me what Agathiyar calls a heritage in the form of a set of Yoga exercises, Asanas, and Pranayama. Taking it up, I saw an immense surge of Prana come within. Unknowing to me, I began to go through an internal transformation that gradually took place, and erupted in bodily pains and discomfort in stages and phases in 2010, 2011, 2012, 2016, 2018, 2022, and again currently. Just as in the movie "Twister," we hear the following: "You don't face your fears, you ride them", Agathiyar also taught me to endure the bodily pains and ride the fear that was attached to it, all a result of and that came with the internal transformation. Giving me a taste of death in 2022, he asked that I do not fear it, for he comforted me, saying it was yet another door to another journey. 

Coming to me in the form of a statue in 2010, he walked in me as my soul resided momentarily in his statue, giving counsel and healing others. As I wanted nothing to do with this any further, he immediately stopped it. Later, asking me where I would go and to whom I would turn if I were faced with troubles, he made me realize the need for me to listen to others and give him access and room to do his thing. 

Giving me the privilege to build his temple in 2002 and that of Lord Muruga in 2018, when I did not pursue it after my initial move to do so, only met with disappointment, finally, in 2019, he told me that he had tested me. When many sought out to own the Nadi, I refused his gift. 

Seeing that holding public office comes with its problems, and being the head of a movement ashram or a guru, for that matter, has its trying moments too, I shied away from undertaking such roles. Sending many to attend my home puja and embarking later on doing charity on a large scale, having played them out, when cornered, he had me bring the shutters down after six years. I was blessed that I was able to let them go. I am glad I did, for I am truly free these days. 

Then he offered to make me a guru, which he immediately reversed and indicated that he would make me something else. What has he in store for me, I wonder? What if I were to be given the position to rule Indralokham just as he had given Thondar Adi Podi Azhwar? But Azhwar refused to take up this position, preferring to take in his beauty here. He sang that, "I shall not desire, even if offered, the position of the ruler of Indralokham, in place of enjoying the sight of you here, Oh lord who dwells here in Srirangam."

பச்சைமா மலைபோல் மேனி பவளவாய் கமலச் செங்கண் 

அச்சுதா. அமர ரேறே. ஆயர்தம் கொழுந்தே. என்னும், 

இச்சுவை தவிர யான்போய் இந்திர லோக மாளும், 

அச்சுவை பெறினும் வேண்டேன் அரங்கமா நகரு ளானே 

(Source: https://periscope-narada.blogspot.com/2016/01/pachchai-mamalai-pol-meni.html)

Just as the saints saw Siddhantham and Vedantham as two eyes and visions to attain sainthood, seeing God in the external helps keep our ego in check, knowing that there is a higher authority. On the contrary, knowing that we are God and Buddha might corrupt our very being, which has seen so much effort on our part and work done on us by the Siddhas over the years. The Siddhas are like what Simon and Garfunkel wrote, the "Bridge Over Troubled Waters", where we can safely trust them to be the bridge and walk along with us and help us walk across if only we let down our ego and seek their guidance and follow. 

Every minute is a step towards death. We fail to realize that birthdays invite death closer. Say, if you are given just days to live, would you spend the rest of these days with your loved one, seeing to the needs of others, or live your lives fully, fulfilling the remaining desires? The future is bleak for many. Just speaking to them for a minute or so, their darkness begins to envelope us, too. But for some others, life is a gift to enjoy. Which would you choose? The choice is ours. There is no right or wrong. 

When Agathiyar gave, what seemed, over time, like broken promises for some, as the predictions had not taken place or had yet to happen, I voiced out this concern, not wanting Agathiyar to turn out a liar, while talking to my wife. She asked me whether he had mentioned a specific date or given a time frame when it would happen. Her question did make sense. No. Indeed, he never mentioned that, but only pointed out the possibility or fact. It could be now or in the way in the future, or it might be in another birth. 

When I was cornered to ask for something too, when many others and I sat before him, putting on my thinking cap in desperation for an answer as he was waiting, I asked to be born again and again and serve him as I did now. I learned that apparently that was not what one should desire, as he asked me further if that was what I wanted. Later, I figured out that I should be asking for Gnanam, which was harped on by Tavayogi often. Agathiyar, on his next visit, said it was not gifted, but I had to earn it by traveling the Chakras. 

Then he surprises me by telling me he will make me a Siddha. So when Agathiyar says he will make me a Siddha, it might not happen overnight. It might take many more years or most likely be in a future birth. Like always, I have not given it much importance nor held any expectations for then we shall become frustrated. I shall do what needs to be done now and not eye the results or the final destination, as I had written earlier, anything can happen between now and then. 

Just as he had wiped the slate clean several times, beginning with clearing all my readings and bookish knowledge, he had me clear my belongings and possessions, like the precious stones and Rasamani I had worn on me. He had me let go of my hold on the society, and the position that came with the coming of devotees who were sent by him, to my home, and he had me dissolve the group after six years. He had me let go of even his idol, and wants me to eventually let him go too. Days ago, he erased all the memories captured on all forms of media, the books, the audio and videos, recordings of the Nadi readings, and whenever he came through other devotees, and many more that I had stored in an external hard disk. I only have those as memories now, which might fade away too, as my memory fails eventually. I guess he wants me to live in the moment, in the present. 

Though I am in society and with the family, he has cut me off internally these days. I am just existing. Nothing further needs to be done, perfected, or achieved. It is like coming home. It is a homecoming to the times before Lord Nadaraja opened his eyes, moved his feet to dance, and spoke. It is akin to stepping into the period and phase of inactivity and silence. 

It is not proper for me to expect others, with many other matters suffocating them and asking for their attention and action, to give equal attention and time to reflecting on the past. I, being a pensioner, have all the time to sit alone with such thoughts, whiling away these moments doing nothing.

THE ANGELS ARE CRYING

Mrs Kogie Pillai wrote the following in her latest post, "Surmounting Toxic Surroundings" at https://aaksharawellness.blogspot.com/2025/06/surmounting-toxic-surroundings.html

I awoke this morning to a “reality” in which we live, specific to the confines of my living environment.  I glossed over the daily news and there it was again; crime, violence, government corruption, poverty, high levels of unemployment, collapsed infrastructure, ailing economy, failed efforts at service delivery and more. This was just within the ambit of my small, little world.  On a global level we see extended patterns of poverty, economic inequalities,  political corruption, water scarcity, food insecurity, terrorism, political instability, conflict and wars, fear of more pandemics, serious levels of crime such as smuggling of drugs, human trafficking, murder, robberies, money laundering, the threat of artificial intelligence.  Not good news to wake up to on any day.

We see the underlying sadness in her writing. Indeed, we are sad and concerned. 

Sir David Attenborough has boldly asked us to wake up to the alarming reality that mankind has brought much damage to this beautiful and wonderful world of ours. 

We are not alone watching this "reality" take place. The angels, too, are crying as in this video.  

I remember Agathiyar reminding me to walk tall and with pride that we are his children. He also told me that if I shed tears, he too shall. Velayutham Karthikeyan Aiya, in his blog "Siththan Arul," wrote the following, which goes to show the amount of concern, compassion, and grace of the Siddhas again. It is said that the Siddhas approached Lord Brahma and voiced a similar concern to him in the days of the past. The Siddhas had wished that whoever seeks them out for solutions to their problems and surrenders to them, shall be pardoned for their past deeds, however bad and evil they may be, and shall not be put through the trial and tribulations and made to face the consequences, but instead be saved. As Agathiyar did not give up on his devotees and insisted that Lord Brahma change their fate, it is written that Brahma tells him that he cannot stop the incident from happening, but he can reduce the repercussions or effects as a result of that event. Agathiyar pleads to Brahma, telling him that he believes all should be saved and that their fate should be changed. Agathiyar humbly requests that Brahma change the Karma of all those who came seeking him (Agathiyar) as he had given his word to them. He seeks Brahma's word of promise that he would not harm any of his devotees. 

On an individual basis, the most compassionate Erai has given us ways to redo, correct, and come out of the rut we are in because of our past doings. He has given us a tool called free will to make a better future for us, to free ourselves from the hold of this Karma, and in the saints, be freed from the cycle of birth and death. Agathiyar and the saints offer options to reduce the past Sanchita Karma, which determines our future births. Man is the only creation of Erai who can change his fate and destiny by working on his Karma and his duties.

But at times, in reality, Agathiyar's hands are tied too. Lord Siva would override the wishes that Agathiyar places before him regarding his devotees and their families and have things take their course for reasons only known to him (Lord Siva). But as at other times, as in coming through in the moments of meditation of a devotee at the height of the pandemic, Lord Siva asked us to gather together and conduct a Homam to assist Prapanjam or Mother Nature, fight the dreaded virus. We did as told. Later, Prapanjam herself, coming through another devotee, asked us to help her keep it at bay, preventing another recurrence. We did as told.

WHEN DANGER LURKS

Going by the various stories about Agathiyar shared on the net, it makes us wonder and ask if Agathiyar was their cousin. I came to him through a Nadi reading in 2002 and have yet to know that man. He or is it she, is truly mysterious in all manner. Does God have a gender? No one has lived long enough to know him and share about him. What is available is the written word. But then we are told that the written form of the Tamil language was pretty different in the days of these Siddhas. What compounds it is the narrative and translation that followed, as well as the many possible additions and omissions to these texts and the written word. So is it with stories by way of mouth. It is unlikely that we shall come to know the truth. Could this be the reason Buddha avoided answering questions about God? Could this be why Agathiyar avoided answering questions about him and his origin?

After staying faithful to him and his cause, and refusing all the offers and gifts, Agathiyar tried to entice me with a further gift, what every student would fall for - to fill the shoes of his guru, to become a clone of his guru, carrying out the tradition and repeating the gurus words. But as I stood firm on my resolution, just as masters in the past are known to send away their students when they lose a certain amount of ignorance and attain a certain amount of Gnanam, he finally set me free and never to live under the shadow of the guru. He gave me my freedom. 

For one who has traveled the beaten track, nothing surprises him. That was Tavayogi and Supramania Swami. The latter, during my very first meeting with him in 2003, sitting before him on the pretext of charting the horoscope of my second daughter, instead of doing so, he revealed my future. He spoke about the Siddhas and Rishis going about their chores on the Holy hill Arunachala. He surprised me by saying that he saw me there too. On my second visit in 2005, asking the reason he had hung up a gunny sack across the window from where he could have sight of the Holy hill 24/7, he replied that the hill was fiery and that he could not see it. If we need to be physically present to connect with another, or connect through the phone or social media, the saints and gurus connect with us through thoughts and messages that come to them, and through them. 

Agathiyar finally told me that he would make me a Siddha. But between now and the day that happens, so many things can happen or go wrong. I could rock the boat and mess up my life. I could do damage to my reputation and his, too. I could end up in a scandal. I could fall into disgrace for Mara, or Maya is known to lure even Buddha and the Rishis. As such, what are we but weaklings? Can his grace protect me from all the dangers that lurk out there, or rather has taken abode within? Ego and arrogance, dishonesty and lies, sexual urges that peak, and scandals are but some of the dangers that lurk by. We have seen many a holy man fall from grace at the peak of their "professional career". The gods test us, and even the gods are tested. One has to stay vigilant and pray that he does not slip. We tend to miss the boat most of the time. If we are lucky and if the boat comes along again, we might get another chance. But as they say, opportunity knocks only once; we might never board the boat. 

TAVAYOGI

Neither my gurus taught me. They did not hold classes. They did not pass on books to read or recommend. Instead, they had me travel the path, taking small steps and working on the mantras, practice, and techniques. They showed by example rather than preaching. The very first lesson that I failed to understand back then in 2005 came in the form of a strong and unexpected statement from Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal. In my excitement to have him over at my home, I went overboard thanking his presence. He hit back that I was living in Maya, thinking that he had something hidden beneath his safron robes. Though I was confused and disturbed at his reaction towards my joy in having him over, I am thankful to him for breaking the hold on him that would have eventually come about. Instead, he pointed me to Agathiyar and told me to hold on tight to him. How many gurus would shove away a seeker, student, apprentice, servant, disciple? Agathiyar, too, sometime back, asked that I shed my hold on him too, for how else are we to become one, he asked. Later, he asked if he should make me a guru and immediately reversed on his suggestion and replied, 'No, I shall make you a ...... instead'.

Tavayogi brought me into the jungles, walking the path he had traveled in the days of roaming as a mendicant. I tasted his life, sleeping in caves and living with nature. He conducted Siddha puja in my home, and we followed suit by watching him. There were no rules or conduct imposed on us. There were no texts or books to follow. We were free to experiment. The Siddhas and deities also gave us leeway in conducting these rituals. He did numerous Yoga postures and breathing practices, and we followed. He did not correct or help us out. It was a one-time affair, and we had to remember all the movements shown to us. Agathiyar, in later years, gave me leeway to carry out only those that I deem necessary. After the initial mass initiation he gave to six others besides me and my wife, the others came in passing or as I sat before him in later years. The ball was on my court. I had to practice them diligently. He never enquired about them or my practice. He sowed the seeds and moved on, never looking back for a moment to check on me, just as he brought me into the jungles, never for once turning back to check if I was keeping up with him. He never was attached to his disciples. It was all professional. He was there to show, and it was left to us to learn and follow. Today, I am glad that he was the way he was. This was the way the Siddhas nurtured their students. He was an exemplary Siddha and guru. 

Mrs Kogie Pillai from South Africa, who was equally charmed by Tavayogi and his manners, shared a few pages from J.Krishnamurti's book, "The First Step is the Last Step", where Krishnamurti sums it up writing that "Nothing must be repeated which one has not oneself perceived, which one has not lived. It is not yours, therefore it is not original. It is secondhand, therefore utterly valueless. To find out what truth is, to come upon it, the mind must be free of all imitation and conformity. The mind must be free of the word, the image, and the past. And that is the first step and the last step."