Vikram Gandhi, an American filmmaker, "transformed himself into 'Sri Kumaré', an enlightened guru from the fictional village of Aali'kash, India, by creating a spiritual philosophy centered around the ideas of illusion and self-empowerment. When he finally unveiled himself, the members of his core group of followers disagreed with his methods to varying degrees, but most still agreed with his message and chose to remain in contact with him." (Wikipedia). Some of "Kumare's" followers took it in good faith and as an experience when he exposed himself as a fraud. One student says that he taught them to think, telling them often that he was not a teacher and that the teacher was within them. Kumar, who believed religion to be an illusion too, tells them that after seeing so many gurus, none told him that he did not need them. As I recount now, I cherish what Tavayogi told me. Contrary to other gurus, he, on the onset of pointing out that I was living in Maya or illusion, pointed out that I do not need him, just as "Kumare" announced. I guess my story too aligns with "Kumare". The documentary "Kumare" is in many ways similar to Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM). Just as in the opening scene, we read a quote from William Ralph Inge that "Faith begins as an experiment and ends as an experience", it was an experiment in spirituality for me that Agathiyar had me go through, too.
"Kumare" does ask a student if, in the event she comes to hate him later, would she carry on doing what he taught or follow the practices given. After he exposed himself as a fraud, only 10 of his 14 followers were in touch with him. Similarly, I wonder where all those, at its peak and zenith, some hundred of them, who either came around or mailed me, or called me back then, in the heydays of AVM are today, are, and if they are holding court and holding on to the teachings of the Siddhas? When Agathiyar had me bring down the shutters on AVM in 2019, months before the pandemic shut us and forcefully kept us indoors, and had me move on with my solo journey, none called me to know the reason for the closure, though many called up each other and made assumptions. I had never wanted to be a guru, nor did I want my home to be a center where others congregate and leave. Instead, I wanted them to take back whatever they watched, witnessed, and participated in at AVM and bring it into their homes, turning their homes into AVM too. Only lately did Agathiyar ask if he should make me a guru and immediately retracted the boon, telling me that he would make me something else. Who can fathom the divine play?
Meeting up with my former working colleague yesterday, he said something that made sense. The Siddhas came to him. Just as he began speaking about his experience in reading his Nadi some two years earlier in 2000, and after he rekindled my interest, though the very first mention of the Nadi was made way back in 1996, and fixed an appointment to have mine seen and read in 2002, I had brought him to see Tavayogi after I met the latter a couple of days earlier on his visit to Malaysia in 2005. If my calling came when he spoke about the Nadi, his came when I spoke about Tavayogi. My friend made me realize that it was not my call to hold to those who came to AVM heeding the call from Agathiyar and left later, not wanting to know why AVM was dissolved. It was an eye-opener for me, who wished for those who came by back then to invite others into their homes and hearts, too. My friend's message to me was to let the Siddhas go to the others too when they are ready, just as they came to us. I used to wonder and did ask Tavayogi why I was called to the path only when I had turned 43 and not earlier. He, as usual, pelted me with bullets, telling me to be grateful that at least I could come then. I had all the time on my hands since my bachelor days when I took up home puja to the deities and visited temples daily just to kill time. The Siddhas could have come then during the 8 years of my bachelorhood. But they did not. When Lord Siva came in a dream and put a stop to all the questions I had that were brewing a storm in me for the injustice that God showed to others, the Siddhas could have come then, during the 13 years of my abstinence from puja, reading, and discussions. But they did not. I guess, as my friend says, they choose to come only when we are ready. But now I am running out of time for both Tavayogi and Agathiyar told us that any bodily transformation has to take place and be completed before we hit the age of 60. Jnana Jothiamma was already in her sixties when she came to the path. As her body could not take the drastic changes that occurred in her after taking up Agathiyar's commands, she asked to be relieved. I am in my 66th year. I am asked to bear with the bodily pain that comes with this internal transformation, too. Will I make it through?
Mrs Kogie Pillai also spoke about timing and wrote to me about it, which I posted in my last post.
The spiritual journey is incredibly arduous, often soul stretching, mind bending and life wrenching hence one may come to the fold, fall off the spiritual wagon, leave to re-learn lessons, acquire more knowledge, shed baggage, encounter more challenges, take time out to heal or seek to understand themself or life better. This takes time. It takes as long as it takes and differs from person to person. Their seed germinates and grows only when they are ready. It cannot be hurried. When they return to the spiritual path they are more inclined to stay, grow and thrive.