When I saw the Nadi the very first time in 2002 Agathiyar in calling me to his Siddha path asked that I build a temple for him. I was a simpleton minding my family and business till then before this reading. I was not into any public service nor holding any post in society. I became excited that Agathiyar wanted me to erect one for him. I felt special. Just as my feet started to lift off the ground and my head began to swell, Sivabalan who brought the Nadi reader over and provided all the logistics at his home for a convenient and conducive Nadi reading intruded into my thoughts and feeling of joy at that moment. He told me not to get excited as Agathiyar had mentioned this matter to close to fifty others who came for a reading. So it seems that I was not special after all. I was not the chosen one.
When I asked Tavayogi his reason to indulge in a costly affair of purchasing a piece of land and building a temple ashram he replied it was not for him but to leave something for others in need. Many good souls came together to see his wish come true in 2016. To all these folks I extend my gratitude and thanks. Supramania Swami too carried a wish to build a temple for some 40 years till I met him in 2003 and we began work on it. But the divine came to squash that task instead through a stranger who questioned the need for the temple and why the need for Supramania Swami to step back into bhakti. We dropped the mission.
But Agathiyar and Lord Murugan never dropped this topic entirely. In 2018 Lord Murugan came in a Jeeva Nadi and reminded me of my obligation towards building him a temple. Seeing that I was not the least interested to fulfil his request he turned towards my Sadguru Agathiyar who I hold dear and close to me. While conducting a puja in an island temple of his, Agathiyar came through an elderly devotee and surprised us. We had all this while relied on the Nadi for his messages. That day he conveyed his message in realtime and life, through a person, to all those who chose to believe in the never-ending surprises out there. He asked me if I was going to do it. Again I chose to remain silent. After a bout of silence, he continued telling me that he shall do it in 18 months. I was happy that the matter was settled. But as the end of the stipulated period approached in October 2019, there was no development on the matter. He called me up for an Aasi Nadi reading and told me that they had dropped the matter. I was still skeptical whether it was only a temporary measure and whether they were buying some more time. I wanted to know if they had only shelved it for the moment, or it was off for good. Later Agathiyar came through a devotee and told me that they had tested me. They waited to see if I took the bait and get caught in the series of events that shall follow as a result of my decisions. I refused for the reason that we shall stagnate forever at the stage of temple devotion or external Bakti. I would be tied down and bonded to the physical: first the complex, then the followers. I shall become accustomed to the power and authority that comes with this responsibility if I was not careful and let my guard down, and might secretly yearn for it. I had refused to take the bait, refused to fall for their trick, and refused to be lured or coaxed. I was saved from getting entangled in engagements that would halt me from traveling further on this mysterious journey of life and beyond. I guess I had fulfilled our immediate guru Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal's aspiration for us that we should step out of Bhakti into Gnanam by declining to take up the task.
After beginning my home puja that included the recitation of the names of the Siddhas in 2002; after my introduction to the rituals by Tavayogi beginning in 2005; with the advent and coming of Agathiyar in the form of a bronze statue, and bringing him and these rituals out from the confines of AVM into the homes of fellow devotees and temples, Agathiyar chose to remain at AVM, forbidding us to move him elsewhere and have us minimize the need for rituals unless wished for. He brought us to walk through the whole spectrum of his Siddha path that took off from where our parents left off in Sariyai or devotion. With the coming of the guru in physical form, he led us into Kriyai or doing rituals and had us engage in the practice of Yoga, and finally, the Siddhas have led us to go within to gain Gnanam or spiritual wisdom.
The first time the word Gnanam was mentioned was by Tavayogi who wanted us to come out of devotion or Bhakti to Gnanam. Yet we did not have any inkling or idea what the word meant. When Agathiyar came around asking what each of us wanted, after deep pondering I asked that I be born again and again to serve him as we did now. He replied to me with another question if that is what I wanted? I knew then that that was not what one should ask for. Speaking over the phone with Mahindran, another devotee regarding this miracle, we agreed that maybe we should ask for Gnanam, not knowing the least what it meant, not knowing what we were asking for, and not knowing what we were getting ourselves into. Having eavesdropped on our conversation the next moment Agathiyar came within a devotee he surprised me telling me that I had asked for Gnanam and went on to explain what the word meant. Gnanam is the fruit of the experience that comes by as a result of our inner journey.
Today we have come to understand that there is no point in having the tools polished and well-kept for display in a showcase. One has to use them. For instance, it is pointless to discuss on end the tattvas listing them from memory or referring to them in the pages of the books. One has to understand them from experiences that arise from within oneself. Mere reading shall not bring an understanding. It has to be experienced. Hence, we understand the constant reminders from Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal to practice the methods they gave followed by the need to revisit the writings of Tavayogi on the tattvas as we journey along. I guess now we know the reason he wrote these books. I guess we needed to walk through all these stages before we arrive at Gnanam. Only then can we safely say if we learned a thing or two or otherwise in adopting all these methods and means to achieve the goal.
When I went scouting around establishments that were related to Agathiyar by name and offered to bring their activities and services to a broader spectrum of the public through the medium of webpages and websites, none of its management was convinced of the potential and the extent of the impact that the internet would have in helping spread the teachings of the Siddhas. They preferred to stay "closed" both to their membership and "closed" to these ideas. I chose to travel alone sharing my experiences. I continued with my website indianheartbeat (now defunct). My desire as a youth to become a movie director was fulfilled when Tavayogi came along. When I chose to follow Tavayogi I began to carry his Kallar ashram in the many websites that I created further to his introduction. I created videos of his Kallar ashram and posted them on YouTube. He was my lead hero. When I decided to deactivate all of these social media accounts after reading a message posted by someone on a photo of my first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai, that hurt my feelings, I reported back to Tavayogi of my action in terminating everything. Tavayogi exclaimed in sadness, "Why, my son. Let it be. Many shall learn from it and come." Taking heed of my guru's words I took to reviving these postings, rebuilding everything from the start again. I guess Tavayogi appreciated our work and had the foresight to see the capabilities of newer technologies in bringing the words and messages of the messiahs from small cottages in remote parts worldwide.
The website indianheartbeat that I started in the nineties began as a personal storage cloud for me to store my artwork that was gathering dust. I digitalized and uploaded them. This website later carried the entry of my maiden pilgrimage to India. Soon I shared the Siddha songs that were rather difficult to come by those days, or either were scattered all around in numerous books and on the internet in a comprehensive compilation titled "The Book of Praises to the Siddhas" at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1QMY5ycQRGlVKoHRweTbD1bHYCfkHoH5A/view?usp=sharing. This book put together as a source of Siddha songs to be sung by devotees who came together in puja at AVM soon was adopted by others in their homes and temples too.
Similarly, I had originally intended to make a video too, sort of tutorial on carrying out a homam but decided that I did not want to step into the terrain or that area less I might offend the purohits and priestly ones who are well trained in such matters from a very young age. If there was anyone fit to teach these it was them. When Tavayogi prompted me to start lighting a homam in my home just as he did the Yagam on a larger scale at his Kallar ashram, I was initially reluctant in engaging in rituals. In fact, when Tavayogi asked me to light the homam in my home I told him that I was ignorant and that it was the domain of the priests. Furthermore, it was the privilege of the learned pundits and priests as it was their domain. I did not want to engage in doing something that I had no idea nor training in and end up displeasing them or gaining the curse and wrath of the Gods. I had already been in the bad books of the senior and elderly and fellow priests in my last birth having been born as a Namboothiri priest in Kerala. I had to please them in this birth. Tavayogi gave me the courage to start. Later he came to fine-tune it on his next visit. Soon Agathiyar sent seekers to my home to join and learn the ritual. We had each seeker host the ritual in their homes too. Later we were invited to perform them in temples too. In fact, I learned to tie the string around the kudam or water vessel from YouTube. I was a learner too. How was I supposed to teach another? When I accompanied Tavayogi during the early years of his visit to Malaysia to the homes of other devotees he would ask me to talk about Agathiyar and the Siddhas. I was a freshie and a new kid on the blog. What was I to talk about such acclaimed sages and Siddhas? My knowledge of them was shallow if not practically zero. But Tavayogi did trick me into speaking about them. He caught me by surprise at a forum when he announced publicly that "Shanmugam shall now speak about the Siddhas". I was taken by surprise. It took me some moments to come to the reality that I have to address all those gathered for their eyes turned to me as they sat waiting for me to speak. My mind worked against time figuring how to get out of the situation and dilemma. I spoke a few words about Tavayogi and began to lead all those gathered around to sing the Arutperunjothi mantra. I was saved by the mantra that day.
Tavayogi told me the reason he did the Yagam at his Kallar ashram was to appease nature and bring or contained the wrath of nature from otherwise lashing out its terror as did happen resulting in the Tzunami of 2004. The following year Tavayogi undertook a Yagam on a large scale to counter the effect of Mother Nature. Tavayogi encouraged me to conduct a similar ritual but on a smaller scale in Malaysia, telling me it was rather simple and guided me as to what was needed for a start over the phone. Soon on his next visit to Malaysia, he showed me what was needed further to complete the ritual. In all these years of worship and doing rituals, Agathiyar never for a moment told us that what we did was wrong but always appreciated our efforts in enhancing each ritual. He came forward to convince an otherwise reluctant candidate like me that what we did was for the good of humanity, nature, and the world at large. Only after that did I indulge in the rituals with my heart, soul, and spirit committed to it. Agathiyar had many join me and my family at my home in carrying out these pujas.
Recently I received a mail.
Shanmugam Ayya Vanakkam, I earlier had the chance to reach you via WhatsApp for my ailing father 3 years back. Now, I wish to know how to do the சித்தர் பூசை homam at home and your guidance on the same. (searched links on the blog- some videos are there but Complete picture kedaithal பேருதவியாக இருக்கும்) I, at times, read 24 nimida sithar poosai PDF printout taken from your website. Homam seidhadhu illai. After reading your posts especially the latest one, would like to try ayya. உங்கள் வழிகாட்டுதலை எதிர்நோக்கி உள்ளேன். (One small suggestion: Blog aaga எழுதினால்,வேண்டுவோர் பயன்பெறுவர்.)
I pointed him to my book on the subject at https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bduv5PhFtuqncAherXq8WMPJ80yXFd7n/view?usp=sharing hoping that it would guide him to start this ritual.
When Dylan saw his Jeeva Nadi along with many others from the AVM family when Tavayogi came a calling to Malaysia in 2016, bringing along his Jeeva Nadi, Agathiyar passed on the message that Chitramuthu Adigal was yearning for us to bring the Siddha puja to Lord Murugan's temple at Tanneermalai in Taiping. We were all excited including Tavayogi and Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar too. We brought over paintings of the Saptarishis, Agathiyar, and the Siddhas and performed a Yagam in the temple spearheaded by Tavayogi. We the children of the lineage had fulfilled Tavayogi's guru Chitramuthu Adigal's wishes that the names of the Saptarishis and Siddhas be echoed in the halls of the temple and the adjacent jungles where Chitramuthu Adigal had spent days in meditation in the past. Today I ask myself why did Chitramuthu approach us when there are many direct descendants and disciples and followers of his around. Or maybe he did approach them but none chose to do it.
On this journey of life, each person has a role to play. Just as our lives are affected by a multitude of factors right from the seen to the unseen: the planetary travel or gochara palan; the karma that hangs over us like a curse, shadowing us closely and determining the actions and conditions for it to prevail; the nation's policies and those who dictate them, all influence us and our lives in many ways. Even nature is affected by man's doing. The irony is that we think we are in charge but in truth, we are mere chess pieces that are being moved by unseen hands. The Siddhas found means and ways to correct the wrong done by man over the ages. Their teachings bring us not to ask for individual favors but to work towards the good of the world. They respected nature. They worshiped nature. In return, nature respected and worshiped them. Mutual respect was gained. The Siddhas explored ideologies and experimented on themselves first. The Siddhas who were originally 18 in number, then brought these possibilities that they had envisioned and experienced within them to the notice of a niche group of followers, 12 for instance as in Agathiyar's followers. As the Marga or way of living spread its wings all those who came to be touched by their compassion, love and teachings took heed and followed their ways become Siddhas themselves. Everything they did thenceforth was for the good of humanity, nature, and the world at large.
It came as a surprise when my daughter pointed out in amazement telling me that my YouTube channel had garnered some 1.8 million views and had some 10K subscribers while this blog had managed to captivate the hearts of readers receiving 524 views in the last 24 hours.
Although I did not expect to achieve or accomplish much, many have written in or messaged or told me the extent of my work on this blog and the videos on YouTube in bringing joy to their hearts and soul. I guess I had a small part in contributing towards the cause and in bringing many to the fold just as Supramania Swami and Tavayogi had worked on me. I guess this is my purpose in coming here. I guess we have to a certain extent satisfied Agathiyar's 5 tenets put forth to humanity.
As we take a step away from all forms of activity and wind down to go within, a worry crept in me as to who was going to help sustain the Siddha faith in the generation that is currently turning into toddlers and young children. Although the parents could bring them to sit together at prayers in their homes, they shall miss out on the good times like what we had in coming together at AVM in puja, performing rituals, and singing bhajans and songs of praise. Now I understand why Tavayogi went ahead with the Ashram. Now I understand his statement that it wasn't for him. Putting this proposal across I had Mahindren volunteer to bring together these next-gen children to walk the path of the Siddhas. We shall revive AVM as AVM Junior specifically to cater to the next generation. The seed shall be sowed in them just as Tavayogi sowed and nurtured it in us. That is the least we could do for the Siddhas in return.