I never went in search of gurus or swamijis although if I happen to come by them addressing devotees at temples I would stay back to hear a thing or two and would line up with others to get their blessings at the end of their talk. I never questioned them nor followed up with them and their teachings. It would be a touch-and-go affair. I opted to carry on my sole home puja and temple worship. I was happy and contented doing it. Although I read a lot wanting to know everything about culture, tradition, religion, and spiritualism, it never occurred to me to go seeking them, visit their ashrams, correspond with them etc. I never had the urge to visit India too although my father was from there. Neither did he encourage me nor take me along. But all this was to change. Just when I was minding my business staying away from all the reading, puja, and temple visits for some 14 years after Lord Shiva in a dream, asks me to put everything on hold, as if to reinitiate me to revisit and restart my journey that was halted for reasons only known to the divine, my nephew drops by my home and initiates me into the Vasudeva mantra just revealing sufficiently enough to know that he was told to do so and I was not to question its source or anything further. My puja that was mysteriously brought to a halt following the dream, was revived after 14 years by this mysterious initiation that came my way. I was told that I shall meet my guru soon too.
After the initiation and as I took up all that I was told and put them into practice, all things required to facilitate my meeting with my guru fell into place mysteriously. The following year my colleague brought up the subject of the Nadi and shared how he had read it some two years back. I was excited and wanted to see mine. He checked back with Sivabalan and confirmed that the Nadi reader was still in town. He arranged for me to see my Nadi. Agathiyar was introduced to me for the very first time and as my guru in subtle form in the Nadi by Nadi Nool Aasan Senthilkumar of Avinasi, Tamilnadu. I sat spellbound and listened in awe at the revelations of the Siddha, who could see the past, present, and future. I was introduced to the subject of rebirth, karma, parikaram, and many more. Traveling to India the following year to carry out the remedies given to compensate for my wrongdoing in the past, I mysteriously land at the doorstep of my first guru in physical form. Going on the pretext of seeking an astrologer to chart my daughter's horoscope I was brought to Supramania Swami by my driver Devanthiran. I only realized that he was the guru whom I shall meet as mentioned by Agathiyar in the Nadi while traveling back to the hotel. Thus a wonderful guru-disciple relationship evolved from that day till his samadhi some four years later.
During this time I looked up on Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram who was here in Malaysia to officiate his affiliate and branch or Peedham in Batu Caves. I took along a leaflet that was given to me by Sentilkumar after my Nadi reading, mentioning the intent of one Thaiveedu Thangarasan Adigal, M.A. to build a temple for Agathiyar in Kallar. I wanted to verify if it was him. He told me that it was indeed him and that he was running an ashram in a small way in a small shed and showed me photographs of what he was doing back at the ashram. I told him that I had seen the Nadi and that Agathiyar had asked me to come to the worship of the Siddhas. He told me that I had come to the right place and that I shall learn from the local affiliate of his. Tavayogi invited me over to his ashram in India. He gave me and my wife initiation that evening with six others. But Agathiyar had other plans for me. Agathiyar erased the Nadi reading I had including the piece on the local peedham, immediately after I took another initiation with Tavayogi as instructed by him. Agathiyar instructed me instead to visit his ashram and spend some days there. Thus a wonderful guru-disciple relationship evolved from that day till his samadhi some four years back.
As readers would have read numerous times my account of how Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal broke my joy, in having him come over to my home, telling me straight to the face that I was living in Maya and seeing him clad in the attire of a Sadhu, not to regard him as someone special, it is indeed amazing to realize and experience how the masters correct a student's perception, break his ego, rid his ignorance, and finally nurture and enlighten him. I have had many such initially puzzling but eventually amazing moments with Gurus and Upagurus. Rengaraja Desiga Swami too just like Tavayogi showed me the magnanimity of the Siddhas in residence at Ongkarakudil in Thuraiyur rather than promote himself. After reading my Nadi and having Agathiyar asked me to come to the path, Agathiyar started me on the worship to the Siddhas and their mysterious Nadi through having Sentilkumar perform the ritual of Naadikku Dhanam or paying homage to the Siddhas and their Nadi. That was my first introduction to its worship. The very first place that came to my mind to learn further about the Siddhas was the local affiliate mission of his in Dengkil. Anbarasan, Manivannan, and Jayanthi mooted my interest to meet their guru Rengaraja Desiga Swami. I made my way to Ongkarakudil en route on my maiden pilgrimage to India in 2003 to carry out my remedies as stipulated in the Nadi. I was blessed to see him one to one. Although I was well received by the manager Mr. Nadarajah, I came away disappointed that Swami did not bless me then but instead told me that coming there itself was a blessing. Today I understand pretty well why he said that. For one just as Yogi Ramsuratkumar refused to bless a visitor who had just arrived at Tiruvannamalai after getting the darshan and blessings of another guru in Kerala as the Yogi did not want to disturb the energy transmitted to him, Rengaraja Desiga Swami must have foreseen my destiny was with Supramania Swami whom I would meet several days later. A couple of years later Agathiyar cleared the air about my misunderstanding at Ongkarakudil telling me that I had gone there without knowing his status and standing within the Siddha circle and the magnanimity of the place. Agathiyar asked me to go again and said that I shall get his blessing then. But then I never wanted to go anywhere after teaming up with Supramania Swami and Tavayogi. Today I pretty well understand Rengaraja Desiga Swami's words, that coming there itself was a blessing. If initially, I misinterpreted it and took offense to it asking if I was not eligible to be there or had misplaced my foot in holy waters, today I understand that he meant well and that the place itself has the potential to bless each one who steps within because of the years of generosity and compassion shown towards the poor, hungry and unfortunate and the offerings to the Siddhas accumulated over decades. The very soil in Ongarakudil is fully saturated and energized with the presence of the Siddhas presence. Hence Rengaraja Desiga Swami need not personally and physically touch me and bless. He came to show me that if at all there was any blessing to come my way let it be from the Siddhas themselves. It shows his humbleness to the core.
I have come to realize that all forms of rituals can come to an end once the place is sufficiently energized. Henceforth one only needs to step in and tap into this energy. This was what Tavayogi did too at all the temples, caves, and Siddha abodes, that he brought me to. I only understood it when Agathiyar in the Nadi asked us to refrain from conducting rituals at samadhis, which includes their caves, and their abodes. Instead, we are asked to sit in silence and tap into the energy that thrives and lives in the samadhis of Siddhas and saints. Just as when a place gains sufficient powers the rituals can stop, charity too shall come to a stop as told by Agathiyar, for the act of doing charity when taken up, balances the account sheet. If pursued further the balance tips towards gaining more merits that would necessitate or be another reason for one to come back to reap its rewards in the form of gifts, comfort, and pleasure.
When Suren and I went over to meet Siddha Dr. VN Jayapalan who visited Malaysia regularly to diagnose and treat patients, wanting very much to know more about Agathiyar's revelation to him about the origin of his temple at Agasthiyampalli that he had recorded and distributed as an audio Cd, gifted to Suren on his visit to the Dr's ashram in Bangalore, I was pretty disappointed that he did not elaborate further telling me that he had narrated all that was revealed during his meditation in the Cd. He had nothing further to add nor did he talk about its content. He went on to talk about other matters. Today I understand his stand and reason in not wanting to add on for fear of fabricating or modifying and adultering the message. He was a medium through whom Agathiyar passed on stories from the past about the Siddhas. A devotee friend who has a guru in Bangalore tells me that his guru receives messages about the life that Agathiyar and Loba Ma lived together but only reveals to close associates and devotees. Permission to share is only granted upon consultation with Agathiyar. I was blessed to sight this document having passed me a copy but am not permitted to share or talk about it either. Similarly, during a revelation to Suren about the origin of Agathiyar, Agathiyar reminded Nadi Nool Aasan Tamaraiselvan to just read the Nadi without trying to explain or translate as is the usual practice. Tamaraiselvan did as told only narrating the origin without retouching it. Many years back I was passed a document titled "Siddha Agasthya - Foremost of the Siddhas" by Nadi Guru Ramesh. In it were amazing revelations about Agathiyar, the Siddhas, and their contributions towards society and humanity. In that article, Dr. Mandayam Kumar of the Siddha Medical Research Institute, Bangalore says it was possible to find out details about Agathiyar during the course of literary research on the Siddha medical sciences in a Tamil manuscript written on Nadi or palm leaves about 3,000 years ago. The text that is attributed to Lord Murugan and titled "Prapancha Kaandam" runs into several volumes according to Dr. Agathiyar dictated the contents of the Nadi while his student Pulastyar recorded it.
Supramania Swami although he had complained of some chest pain and breathing difficulties was discharged from the hospital giving him a clean slate of health. Subsequently, he embarked on his last Mauna Viratham or oath of silence, to abstain from speaking. Just days into it he broke his penance just for my sake when I forgetting his said penance called him as usual. He informed me that he had seen the Jothi or light. He passed away several days later. Tavayogi who went for an ailment was warded and operated on. Upon returning to the ashram he prepared Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar to take over the running of the ashram. He was readmitted and discharged again shortly. He passed away at his ashram some two hours after arriving from the hospital. One might question how can both their deaths by considered as samadhi? Agathiyar came several days after Supramania Swami's demise and told me in the Nadi that he had indeed attained samadhi and his place of rest on the Girivalam path in Tiruvannamalai shall gain fame. When I was with him in 2005, Supramania Swami told me that he would leave his body when he was 76 years of age. He left when he was 76. His son Ramajayam discovered his diary after his samadhi, where he had noted the exact date of his passing. Dhanvantri came and consoled us that Tavayogi too had attained samadhi, irrespective of what others might say. In Tavayogi's last call to me from the hospital bed, he told me that if he were to leave then, Mataji would take over the running of the ashram. Samadhi then is not a matter of mere preservation of the physical body after death as much as the merging and reunion of souls with its source. Hence the reason it is known as sama adhi, going back to the source. Many a saint too have succumbed to illness before they went into samadhi. Illness and death is for the form and body. Their names and soul lives forever.
Just as one needs a reason to die as we always ask "How did he die?", similarly we are told that we have a reason to take birth and a purpose too. Agathiyar these days speaks to us in terms of the soul. He wants us to move away from the physical and ponder over the subtle soul matter. We are told that by going within we will come face to face with our soul. The soul speaks to us revealing our purpose in taking birth.
There are so many more mysteries out there that are beyond all that I had read earlier, waiting to be discovered and known from experience. But I was too naive to understand the deeper meanings of these texts and their words earlier. Indeed as the Cambridge Dictionary at https://dictionary.cambridge.org/ states that "People are often naive because they are young and/or have not had much experience of life", I too was new to gurus and their mysterious ways.