IN SILENCE SHALL WE COME TO KNOW

I am just passing the time now. I have all the time in the world but nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Nothing to achieve further. Though my parents never dictated to me, and if my heart dictated to me later, coming to Agathiyar, he began to dictate to me and take my life under his control henceforth. Though he allowed me to do as I wished, I would wait for his dictates before engaging in any venture. These days, he seldom comes, letting me scot-free. After engaging us in puja at home and later in the temples, and having us do charity, he finally had us halt it all. That was the very first lesson in letting go. That is the reason I am happy today too. Having me go within, he tapped the energy centers in me and had me experience, watch, document it, and share it with my readers. There was nothing further to do, he said, adding that this energy would do its work. So here I am sitting on a bench in the public park after my regular evening walk and tapping into his thoughts and drafting this post.

I believe that the clarity we have all been seeking in all matters, both material and spiritual, is not in this maze or web that we have created for ourselves, and that Maya came to envelop further but has to come from both the beyond and within. All the answers are there within us in that empty void space that is silence. Hence, the reason for asking us to go within and connect with it. We shall not be a walking dictionary. There won't be a flood of answers arriving, but what is required of us to know for that moment, for otherwise we shall have to carry the cosmos on our shoulders too, besides the baggage we brought with us. 

LET US TRANSCEND THIS WORLD

I read a transcript of a video that I watched, on YouTube some days back, which made me question if I too was deceiving others, for what is told in this video resonates with me, bringing on a feeling of both fear and guilt when I am forced to ask myself the same, too, if I am following the truth or comfortable shadows.

My name is ..... I am a 58-year-old Hindu priest from Varanasi, India. For three decades, I led sacred rituals at Shiva's temple along the holy Ganges, guiding thousands in traditional Hindu worship. But on the night of Maha Shivaratri last year, during our most sacred festival, my heart suddenly stopped... and I met Him. 

I spent my entire life devoted to Lord Shiva, performing countless pujas and teaching ancient Vedic wisdom. Yet in those moments between life and death, it wasn't Shiva who appeared before me—it was Jesus Christ. His presence was unlike anything I'd experienced in 40 years of meditation. 

The light that emanated from Him showed me truths about our world that shattered everything I once taught. What He revealed about modern spiritual leaders, ........, has compelled me to break my silence. I know sharing this will anger many, but I must speak the truth I witnessed in death. 

The brass bells echoed through the ancient stone corridors, their sacred resonance filling every corner of the temple with the kind of vibration that penetrates bone and spirit alike. I had rung these same bells countless times before, but tonight - Maha Shivaratri - their song carried a different weight. Each toll seemed to reach deeper, stirring something restless within me that I had tried desperately to suppress. 

What I experienced that night wasn't just a near-death vision - it was divine intervention that stripped away decades of spiritual misconceptions. The truth I witnessed about modern gurus, ......, isn't meant to condemn but to illuminate. We've been following shadows when the true light has been calling all along.

If you're feeling shaken by this testimony, I encourage you to examine your own spiritual journey with honest eyes. Are you following the truth, or comfortable shadows? ...... Has a crisis ever led you to question everything you believed? The choice that lies before us isn't about abandoning our cultural heritage - it's about embracing a deeper truth that transcends all traditions. 

As I learned that night when my heart stopped beating, sometimes we must die to our old beliefs to truly begin living. ..... 

Lord Muruga had come to warn me of the trap that I would fall into if I were not alert and aware. He said that both Lord Shiva and Agathiyar were playing games, roping in Indra, who is known for his mischief and game of illusion or Maya. I had to learn to see through this illusion and know how to identify one from the other.

Watching "Spider-Man - No Way Home" again, but now the  "Extended Cut" last night, I tend to agree that we are the reason everything is here, but nobody remembers it, as told in the movie. It is akin to Agathiyar telling me to give him life to a piece of metal. We create things, make them sustain, and destroy them eventually. Once here, we attempt to build concepts and conceptualize all that is taking place. It makes us realize, too, that nothing is written in stone, and the gods, too, can only predict to a certain extent, hence the reason why some predictions do not happen. No one knows the intent of the Supreme and Almighty and the direction or course, or rather his play. Things come into being as we encounter each moment in the present. This brings us to the final message of Sivavakiyar, which is that only the present moment that we touch, feel, and experience is real. All else is false or a fake. Life is akin to a river flowing. Sadly, we, in our greed, tend to gather everything on our path and hoard it, adding on to the baggage that we brought with us and refuse to lay it down even at the moment of death.

The Siddhas help us break each and every perception we hold on to till there is no concept but mere presence, stillness, and awareness. We then realize that clarity arises not from reading sacred texts, journals, or listening to others speak on stage, or on social media these days, but only when we travel and experience the journey for ourselves and eventually come to transcend the borders and link with the Akasha or consciousness. It is from here that we gain enlightenment and not from within this world of Maya. Do I make any sense?

THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN WHAT WE KNOW

Just as a child keeps coming around his or her parents, thinking that the world revolves around them, but learns that there is more once it starts to step out of the shadows of its parents, a good guru would have his student move out of his "home" and learn to live alone. Guhai Namasivayagar did exactly that to his disciple Guru Namasivayar. Though I was not living with Tavayogi, he had me speak about the Siddhas whenever he came down, giving me the exposure and confidence to speak my thoughts. Agathiyar, who listened to the songs of praise that we sang, soon told me enough of praises and instead to share the experiences that were taking place within me. 

The wise of days yonder seem to have reasons in getting us to do certain things, though it is not explained. Manju Amma has unearthed, or rather tapped into, the Akashic records, that is a library of information of the past, present, and future. She shares her personal experiences and what she learned from the Cosmos or Prapanjam in a series of video interviews uploaded to Iraimai TV on YouTube.

Agathiyar told me to engage with the Prapanjam, and I shall retain what was told when I told him it was rather a difficult task for me to retain and remember all the Gnanam delivered or words of wisdom and revelations he shared with us in those hours that he came before us.

We are here to help each other climb up the ladder of spirituality. Hence, there come moments when we are brought together and join forces towards achieving this. But eventually it is each man for himself. He has to get to know his soul and follow its dictates. The soul comes out of hiding to enlighten him. He comes to know his true purpose and destiny. His fate that was once written is changed that very moment. 

IT IS ALL WITHIN US

After the restrictions that followed the discovery of the COVID-19 virus in 2019 were lifted, I wondered why Agathiyar did not come through the Nadi, as the Nadi readers had slowly made their comeback into Malaysia. Agathiyar, who came through his devotees in their absence, seemed to have taken a break too. As I pondered over this, he came through a devotee asking me to go for a Nadi reading. In that reading and coming immediately after through a devotee, he made me realize the extent of Maya infiltrating all aspects of life, including religious and spiritual circles and their tools, mediums, practitioners, etc. He told me to carefully sift through them to arrive at the truth. As to the long absence in coming to us, he answered our question with another question, as Tavayogi always does. He asked us what the need was for him coming through the Nadi and others when he was with us and within us. He made us understand that all the answers were within us. He encouraged us to hold healthy discussions and bring out these answers. True enough, talking to my wife this morning, I received the answer to a question I had posed in my last post. Since I had mentioned that I felt my purpose here was done, I had asked why Agathiyar, through Kumarasamy Aiya, requested me and my wife to spearhead and carry out a Siddha Velvi after Agathiyar had brought all forms of rituals, puja, charity, and Yogam to a halt in 2019, and if he was resurrecting AVM back to its past glory? I also asked Kumarasamy Aiya why me when there were many "Giants" or "Jambavan" heading and running establishments and preaching the path and worship of the Siddhas. It reminded me of the moment when Agathiyar asked me to build a temple in my very first Nadi reading, in 2002, which got me excited for the moment, only to be trashed by the 24-year-old Sivabalan who brought in the readers and accompanied me during the reading the very next moment. He revealed that Agathiyar had asked fifty others in their readings too. But as he told me to fulfill Agathiyar's asking as none did it, I went around looking for any small space in existing temples to install his statue. None of the temple management obliged me, though they had the space. I left it at that. In 2018, Lord Muruga asked for one too. Since I did not move, Agathiyar in 2019 told me that they had tested me. So was this another test?

When Tavayogi came out of his years of living in solitude in the Sathuragiri hills, he wanted a place to go into Samadhi. Agathiyar pointed him to a place known back then as Agathiyar Vanam, which he came to know was in the foothills of Kallar. Just when he thought that his purpose here was done with, his wish was put on hold, and he was instructed by Agathiyar to reach out to seekers in Malaysia. And so he began visiting Malaysia numerous times, beginning from 2004, 2005, 2007, 2008, 2010, and 2016. Asking Tavayogi why he was building the new Kallar ashram some 2kms away, which he officiated in 2016, he replied that it was for others. Veeramanidasan Aiya explains why he decided to build a temple for Agathiyar. He, too, wanted to repay the lord's kindness. 

I had for some time contemplated how I was going to repay the kindness shown by Agathiyar. When he came many years back asking each and every one gathered around him what they wanted and stood before me waiting to hear my wish too, and as I had nothing to ask for but since he was waiting, I replied that I would like to take several more births and serve him as I did now. Just as Tavayogi does, he asked me if that was what I wanted, which struck me as the wrong thing to ask. As I kept silent, he moved on to another. Later, he eavesdrops on my telephone conversation with Mahinderan on this subject and brings it up on his next visit. He told me that I had wanted Gnana, that Tavayogi always stresses. He tells me that Gnana was not gifted, but I had to earn it by traveling within and exploring all the centers within and learning from the experiences gained in traveling the Chakras. Later, he had me share all these experiences felt within and the bodily changes that are still taking place. It is not enough to announce that I was shown everything. We have to pass it on to others. Otherwise, it would be rather selfish of us. Ramalinga Adigal, who initially sang the glory of the Gods and Goddesses, went on to share his experiences and called upon all to follow the path and the way and experience it for themselves too. Supramania Swami told me that we have to even leave behind the merits gained from our Tapas, Tavam, and austerities. We should not carry anything back from here. Now I have entered another phase where whatever I do is for others, just as Tavayogi mentioned. Hence, I believe this is the reason he wants me to initiate and carry out the Siddha Velvi. It reminds me of the moment when I hesitated to carry out a Homam that Tavayogi initiated me to do, Agathiyar told me that I was not doing it for myself but for the well being of the universe and similarly when Lord Siva asked us to assist the universe to heal at the peak of the pandemic by lighting a Yagam.

AVM RESURRECTED?

Just when I thought that I had no further purpose here, days ago Thavathiru Kumara Swamigal of the Sri Agathiyar Ashram at Periya Thadagam, Coimbatore made a surprise visit to my home. He surprised us who have seen a phase of abstinence from all forms of worship, rituals, charity, and Yogam as directed by Agathiyar himself since 2019, relay a directive from Agathiyar to carry out a Velvi and Siddhar Puja and a Yagam in a local temple within this year. I immediately conveyed the message to the caretakers of Agathiyar's Sannadhi and eagerly await their response. Do I see a revival and resurrection of the past glory of Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM)? I do not know what Agathiyar, known to play games with us, has up his sleeves this time. We shall wait and see. 

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2016/11/thavathiru-kumar-swamigal.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2016/11/agathiyar-puja-bangsar.html

If I had begun to compile songs of praise to the Siddhas for my use during my home puja in the beginning years of my search, which later served many others too, Agathiyar who came to guide us further doing Kriya or puja, rituals, charity, and Yoga, later wanted me to share the transformation within with others willing to take a walk with the Siddhas too. 

Just as a home is lifeless without its occupants, matter and this body is lifeless without the soul. All these go towards awakening the soul or rather releasing our souls kept captive by our egos and individuality. 

So much hype has gone into the Siddha way that many are seen as saviors. The truth is no one can save us except ourselves. Yes, the mother feeds her breastmilk to the child. The father cares for all their needs. Many come along to educate us. Finally, for some, a guru comes along to show the way within to know the self. Yes, although we are so dependent on others for our existence and survival, all these change when we then discover for ourselves the self. The self is very ordinary to begin with. We remain normal though we begin to let go of our hold on all things slowly and begin to recognize and trust the divine more and more. We stop accumulating be it material wealth or knowledge. We begin to empty ourselves of the years of trash that we have come to store both in the mind and the physical body. We are at peace with the self. The ego makes peace with the self and makes way for the self to dictate henceforth. No external guru is required henceforth for our soul or Atma becomes our own guru.

SIDDHA HEARTBEAT SHALL KEEP BEATING

Am I egoistic for thinking that I am special? Am I being egoistic thinking I am close with the Siddhas? Am I egoistic thinking that someday I too shall be a Siddha? To many yes. But Ramalinga Adigal sings his heart out claiming he has made acquaintance with God, befriended and even wedded him. He sings that he was a Siddha too. He sings that he took charge of God's duty and that he was one with him. So was he egoistic in sharing his state?  

Agathiyar has been sending me and my family and friends to Ariwananthen Aiya for health-related issues, except this time when he asked me to look up the Peedham in Palani. Whenever a drama unfolds I always ask myself what was the lesson in it for me and the other party? So too when Agathiyar asked me to reach out to a Peedham in Palani for a herbal medicine to counter the ever-rising energy within, and after following a link on the net and speaking to the Siddha physician himself, and having high hopes and looking forward to the package delivered to me by my friendly neighborhood Siddha physician Ariwananthen Aiya who was in India then, I was disappointed that there was no word from the other end. But I took it positively as one more of Agathiyar's plays. My friendly neighborhood Siddha physician then consoled me telling me that he would prepare whatever Agathiyar had told me. But Agathiyar did not mention the name nor the ingredients and manner of preparation. But when I described the bodily changes that I was undergoing and the reason Agathiyar wanted me to consume it, my friendly neighborhood Siddha physician surprised me by telling me that he had prepared the medicine some six months ago under the directive of Agathiyar but did not know to whom it was destined. He passed it on to me yesterday when I was at his place to collect it. 

I had carried his news earlier on 

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2024/08/the-biggest-treasure.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2017/09/serving-agathiyar.html

https://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2024/02/events.html

He took it upon himself to serve all those who came for assistance regarding Siddha Vaidyam. His noble gesture deserves praise and some publicity too. That is the least I could do in return for his gesture. He can be reached at Agathiyar Yoga Herbs Care Centre. 

So what did I learn from this drama that unfolded? I saw the majesty of Ariwananthen Aiya. He was Agathiyar's tool for serving his children including me. So I was reminded that I should remain Agathiyar's tool too. Though I had shunned and turned down all the many gifts that Agathiyar offered me earlier, beginning with building a temple, a Peedham, healing the sick, the ability to read the Nadi, and he himself reversed his offer to me of the position of a guru lately, he kept me writing this blog. I shall continue to serve him like Ariwananthen Aiya by continuing to write this blog. I guess this will make my readers happy too.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED?

No one shall understand the internal changes and transformation taking place unless they too come to experience it after going through the four phases of Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam, and Gnanam, not even the devotees, aspirants, seekers, teachers, masters, gurus, Siddha practitioners, Siddha physicians, yoga practitioners, and well-read academicians, speakers, and self-taught gurus. Ramalinga Adigal sings that only God knows his position, dilemma, pain, and bliss. One has to be in the spot to know it and handle these energies. Hence we must gain the grace of the Siddhas in this journey of turning the body from gross into subtle and light. Moving away from Sariyai where we depend on others and middlemen, priests, and monks to carry out rituals for us to begin to carry them out by ourselves in Kriyai, we bridge both worlds where henceforth the Siddhas begin to turn their attention on us. They begin to communicate with us and guide us on the journey, bringing us to realize the existence of a whole new world, realm, plane, and dimension of theirs. Bringing us into the next phase of Yoga they bring us to realize another whole new world within. Now the actual journey of transformation begins whereby bodily changes take place within without any clue to oneself or others. They come by to reveal these changes and guide us further. Eventually, they bring us to the state of a Siddha too. Mission accomplished. 

So we see a scarcity in the number of literature and information surrounding this internal journey and transformation compared to the extensive amount of information on the external journey including pilgrimages, puja, and yoga. It is by holding the hands of the Siddhas that one can travel safely along the terrain without slipping and hurting oneself. The Siddhas who at times let it be and have us learn a lesson from our false moves, at other times warn us of impending dangers. One has to take heed of the signs. One has to be fully aware at all times.

I am glad that Tavayogi and Agathiyar brought me to carry out rituals including libation to his statue and lighting the Homam, adding on to my existing practice and conduct of home puja. With Yoga came another flight into another world that of the subtle Prana. This was the much-awaited breakthrough into another phase and a journey within to realize the Soul. Agathiyar then came to dish out Gnana and bring an entirely different view, perspective, and understanding to this world and its happenings breaking every hold we had on it previously. We changed clothes and appearance hence looking odd to others who have yet to traverse the path and arrive here. We are the odd ones out. We appear as lunatics. We appear as anti-social elements. As for us there is no turning back. We have to travel ahead and further. It is an endless journey of exploration that according to Ramalinga Adigal cannot be defined by words after the 23rd stage. There is indeed a long way to go.

I AM AMAZED AGAIN

I am back with the promised medicines or rather herbal preparations that my good neighborhood Siddha physician had promised and that Agathiyar had come to him asking to prepare it some 6 months earlier. It was waiting for me to collect and consume. What a wonder and a miracle indeed. Siddha physician Arivan Aiya continues in the tradition of his grandfather Jothyswami from whom he learned Siddha medicine. His grandfather who was working in the port had invested in a plot of land in Pandamaran when it came up for sale and pitched a hut that soon turned into the present-day Murugan temple after Lord Murugan took the form of a child and would play on the grounds as he attended to his routine. This reminds me of Jnana Jothiamma telling me a story told by Swami Venkatesh who cared for Krishnaveni Amma at Kalyana Theertham where Lord Muruga coming as a child would cause mischief by pulling the wet cloths that Amma had hung to dry to the ground and soiling them. She would pick up a stick and give chase on the boulders that envelop the waterfalls. Today while Ariwan Aiya sees and treats patients through his Agathiyar Yoga Herbs Care Centre, his brother takes care of the temple rituals. I am still in a daze as to why I was asked to contact a Peedham for the medicine when it was already prepared and waiting for me on my shores. But I know that this is one of the numerous plays of Agathiyar. 

If Esakhi Siddhar could enter a crack and disappear to the other side or rather the other realm, then matter is but energy too. Science says that it is energy that has been frozen or solidified. So is this the reason we are asked to build up the internal heat or Tava Kanal by various means so that we melt into our original state? Sitting at the mall last evening while waiting for my daughter to be done with her hairdresser I wondered if all that passed me was streaks of energy too. As I sat there it was akin to Lucy sitting and watching time pass or rather scrolling time to its very beginning. Similarly, the churning of the ocean told in the Puranas is akin to the world of Maya that we fall in and fall for where the ocean or world in this sense is churned up, bringing the poison to the surface. With the help of the divine, we dive into the ocean to retrieve the vessel that contains the ambrosia and partake in it. That knowledge and wisdom breaks down, shreds, and tear apart the false perspective that we hold of the world and begin to see it all as Maya that is constantly changing. 

A WHOLE NEW WORLD

My dear friend and reader from South Africa, after reading the last post, asked that I continue writing. I understand her wish, for even my grandchildren ask me and my wife to tell bedtime stories. Most of the time, we make up our own stories rather than dish out the same old stories. History itself is hi(s story). We're made up of stories. I love to tell stories. Once when my second daughter asked me to help her out writing a pictorial essay, I was carried away and told more than the pictures called for. She got a zero for it. Her teacher told her that she had not kept to the pictures depicted in the book. The same happened to me when I was in college. I realized that my lecturer had not given marks for one of my answers. Approaching him he told me that I had not followed his notes. As I was fond of reading I would gather much from the books in my college library back then. He was not swayed by the extra facts that I had given. 

Matt Gaw writes in his book "Under the Stars - A Journey into Light", Elliot and Thompson, London 2020, "We only need to step outside to find that in darkness the world lights up". He says "When you flick off a switch other forms of light begin to reveal themselves". True. When we step out under the night sky we begin to see more and more of the stars and most probably a satellite too. As I turn around to look for others who might be gazing at the moon, stars, and the night skies too, I am disappointed that none are. They are all couped up in their homes. Now I understand why Tavayogi instead of holding classes when I was at his ashram, took me on a journey of exploration and wonder, pointing out the scent and aroma in the breeze and wind, and the flower petals that the Siddhas threw on us as they ushered us into their abodes which was only visible to him. So similarly, whenever I am out with my grandchildren I would point out to them the noises and songs that nature makes, the singing of the birds and cries of insects and animals. When once my neighbor called me on the phone to ask if I knew that a tree had toppled onto a car in the neighborhood due to strong winds and rain, I took my 5-year-old second granddaughter to have a look. She asked me how was it that I, who could hear and make out those fine sounds in nature, could not hear the crash of a tree. What was I to say? I told her that most probably the sound of the crash was overshadowed by the sound of the thunder.

Tavayogi once took me into my prayer room, closed the door behind me, and drew the curtains close. He then pointed me to the light from the lit oil lamp that filled the room. This was the Jothi spoken about he said clearing the air and my doubt if all flames were Holy as with the flame from the cooking stove, campfire, or that razed the forests and gutted houses and properties, were Jothi too. When Agathiyar comes through a devotee, he would ask us to kindle the flame in the oil lamp to burn bright. At other times he would ask us to draw the curtains shut or off all artificial lighting. Ramalinga Adigal would ask us to kindle the flame within us to burn bright by chanting the Maha Mantra Arutperunjothi. 

This birth was given to me. So was that of my wife and children. My parents and siblings were given to me. The place and time of birth were determined by Agathiyar. The school, college, and subjects were determined by Agathiyar. The job was offered to me. My wife and children were given to me. The home fell on my lap. I fell onto the path of the Siddhas. I was entrusted to my gurus by Agathiyar. Now Agathiyar wants to give me some herbal preparations to manage the changes within that is to take place with the inherent dormant energies rising further within me. It was made and ready for my collection tomorrow Wednesday, but not without a certain amount of drama as usual. It is not from Palani though as originally indicated by Agathiyar but from our friendly neighborhood Siddha Vaidyar Ariwan Aiya. I'm still trying to figure out Agathiyar's game and play in asking me to get in touch with a Peedham in Palani. Yes, I did as told, picking up a number from the web that was answered surprisingly by a Siddha doctor from the Peedham. Briefing him about Agathiyar's command to me and giving him a brief narrative of the transformation taking place since 2007 till now so that he would get an idea of what I needed as Agathiyar did not spell the name of the formula, and the reason for Agathiyar asking me to take the herbal preparation, we discussed how the parcel was to get to me as I had no intention of going to India. A friend and a Siddha physician who was leaving for India then volunteered to bring it. I had done my part and the friend was eager to do his part too. Now it was the Palani Siddha doctor's part. But as things were silent on the other end, and nothing moved, and time was running out as my friendly Siddha physician would return to Malaysia, I told my wife and friends that henceforth I shall await Agathiyar to knock on my door and not rely on another. My friendly neighborhood Siddha physician pacified me telling me that he would prepare whatever it was that Agathiyar had asked me to take. But as Agathiyar did not state the name of the herbal preparation, as he did earlier some years ago telling me to get his Agathiyar Kuzhambu from my friendly Siddha physician, I relayed to him the transformation taking place within and listening to me he surprised me telling me that he already had prepared the medicine. It seems Agathiyar would tell him to prepare herbal preparations and he would do it not knowing to whom it would reach. Then someone shall come knocking on his door in need of it. This was Agathiyar's modus operandi. Now he knew it was for me. But still, I do not know Agathiyar's game in asking me to reach out to the Peedham, if it was already ready and waiting for me here on my home ground.

I do not have a purpose anymore. Looking back if I had left any untied ends, there is none. Asking if I had any debts to settle, there were none. Similarly looking forward there is nothing to achieve further. There is nothing further to say or do. There is nothing that needs my intervention. Now tell me what is mine to shout about. I'm just whiling away these days. I have learned to let go. In letting go I gained inner peace. 

Agathiyar in coming as the bronze statue in 2010 told me that he would momentarily come in me and walk among us while my soul would enter his statue then. After many years of worship to his statue he then came within devotees too to address us. As he was silent for some time sometime back, he came to answer our question asking us why he had to come through others when he was with us 24/7. Now he wants us to even break loose from identifying him as another and instead see us as one, bringing us to the ultimate teaching of oneness or yegan thus bringing us to fall into a state of silence effortlessly.

BYE

Just as Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) which was initiated by Agathiyar in 2013 and brought to a close in 2019, only to be revived again on 28 August 2024 under the mentorship of Mahindren, I believe Mrs Kogie Pillay will take her blog "Aakshara Wellness" to new heights, hence relieving me of writing further. I have come to learn to let go while walking with the Siddhas. Just as our parents initially came to show us the way and the path and have us follow the signposts, later, they held our hands as we walked along, and finally, they let go of our hands and watch us with pride taking baby steps on our own, so do the Siddhas let go of us eventually, for then you are one of their kind. 

I thank my gurus, Supramania Swami and Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, and the Siddhas and Agathiyar and Erai for this wonderful journey and for having me share it with readers. I am at peace and in bliss. Agathiyar has brought everything to a closure getting me to tie up all the loose ends.

A STAR IS BORN - Aakshara Wellness

I had written about a reader and devotee of Agathiyar from South Africa reaching out to Tavayogi and subsequently arriving at his Kallar Ashram in a previous post and that she has taken to blogging her experiences and sharing them with us. Indeed, going through her posts, I shared the ups and downs in trying to get there in time for her Nadi reading and the eventual excitement, bliss, and joy that came on as all was well by Agathiyar's grace. Read her story further at https://aaksharawellness.blogspot.com/2025/03/is-there-more-to-life-than-this-maiden.html?m=0

THE ASHRAM

"We cannot change the beginning but surely can change the ending." We see this mentioned in a short film by Suyeol Jang. How true it is. So have many ventured to come out of the coccon and take a big step to travel long distances to change their fate. We often read and hear about these successful personalities who made it big. Their drive and energy make us and keep us on our feet, too. We then learn that it all boils down to whom we associate with. We have to pick our friends, colleagues, and associates with care. The spiritual masters, too, have to watch out for who comes along. Hence, we understand what Tavayogi said to me once that the guru shall test his disciple for some 12 years before imparting anything to him. The patient one shall be accepted into the fold. But in this world of instant noodles, we each want things happening immediately or leave for greener pastures. Then, instead of stepping on the green meadow, we step into a swamp of muddy water or, even worse, the quicksand. It is a long walk indeed on this path. It might have been a few births before we arrived in this spot, too. There might be more births awaiting before we are accepted into the fold. But let us take baby steps for now as a victim of a forest fire in California who saw her home razed down as did many others, tells Simon Reeve in a BBC documentary about rebuilding her life after the fire. 

Coming to the spiritual path is about rebuilding one's life, too, but not as in accumulating but in learning to let go. Hence, rather than rebuilding it to its former majesty, it is about reconstructing one's life with only the essentials needed to sustain life. Hence, we see the idea of simple cottages, hermitages, and Ashrams come about. Both the Ashram and its tenants are equally humble. One is at peace with life. The search stops. The visitations stop. One aligns with nature. Occasionally, a seeker would drop by and might make it his stop and home too. But sadly, with time and the coming of many, the necessity to accommodate and feed them requires an extension and expansion of the premises. The very core and nature of a simple Ashram shifts away into oblivion and is forgotten. What then takes shape is an institution. The very idea of an Ashram is to have us drop our dependency on all the luxuries that we have been used to like hot showers, running water, electricity, entertainment, etc. The moment I stood at Tavayogi's Kallar Ashram, he told me not to expect all these. We had to bathe in the river that flowed nearby. We had to hit the sack after dark as there was no electricity. We could not venture far, for our own safety, as his Ashram was on the fringes of a jungle. Simple food was prepared by those who knew how to cook and we had to wash our own dishes and clothes. He told the devotees gathered during his last visit to Malaysia that I had a culture shock back then on my first visit to his Ashram in 2005. 

So when Mrs Molly Menon emailed me from the USA asking if the Ashram had these facilities or that of a lodge, I spilled the truth, telling her not to expect these. But even then she turned up at Kallar Ashram, and there was no turning back for her. She quickly adapted herself to a life of a hermit, too.  

A STAR IS BORN

I took the opportunity in 2003 to step on the soil where my father was born and walked the street of Kilsevalpatti in Karaikudi/ Sivagangai, where he grew up and played as a child when Agathiyar sent me on my maiden journey to India to carry out the remedies for my past karma as he listed them out one by one in my Nadi reading. After I met Tavayogi on our shores in 2005, I went to India again after Agathiyar in the Nadi reading told me to spend a couple of days at his Kallar Ashram and learn from him. I was expecting to come by a typical Ashram where one has to adhere to a strict regime and schedule and is taught and given practices to follow. But I was surprised when the Ashram was quiet, with only an aide in attendance and a couple of visitors still hanging around after a recent Pournami Puja. We retired to bed early at 8pm as there was no electricity then. The morning after I arrived, Tavayogi invited me on his morning walk, which I took up. Returning later to the Ashram, he went about his daily chores or otherwise sat alone in deep thought. Occasionally, someone would drop by, and he would entertain them, or they might bring him out. Asking me if I wanted to visit the caves or the other Ashrams further up in the Ooty hills, I chose the caves. That was the start of our adventure, as he pointed out to me. I returned home filled not with knowledge but filled to the brim with the bliss and joy that came as a result of this rare experience. I documented my travels and experiences first on several websites of mine and later in this blog, Siddha Heartbeat 1 and 2. Today, after 20 years, I have come to realize that an Ashram, just as did Kallar Ashram, should provide us the space to be with ourselves and not lay out a schedule to adhere to and keep us occupied. Agathiyar had sent me to the right place.

So too did Mrs Molly Menon from Kerala, who spent her later years in the USA, make her way to Kallar Ashram in 2011 after emailing me upon reading about my stay and travels with Tavayogi. On July 3, 2011, she writes to me for the very first time, seeking to know about Agathiyar and Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal’s ashram at Kallar.

Hello Mr. Shanmugam, I am Meena Menon from U.S.A. We had been communicating about Guruji Tavayogi. I am also known as Molly Menon/ Mrs.Menon.

I guess what she read on my website made such a great impression that she left for Kallar. Her flight on the path of the Siddhas began on that day in 2011. Upon reaching India, she e-mails me on Thursday, October 20, 2011. At Kallar, Agathiyar, through Tavayogi, magically and mysteriously initiated her. Jnana Jyothiamma had planned to spend six months at Tavayogi’s Ashram, but Tavayogi sent her away after her initiation, asking her to return to the U.S.A. She left reluctantly after a couple of weeks, missing the Annual Guru Puja and Jayanthi celebrations.

Once back in the USA, she writes to me,

"It started thus .... it started with a call ... instructions from the Divine ..... and I was in India before even I knew what was going on ... only to get back after two weeks to the United States ... and then again get back to India after five months. ..... as the highest power in the universe ‘wanted an audience with me at Kallar’. Will anybody believe what I'm saying? They think me stark mad .. totally screwed up ... beyond the point of no return". 

"Hmm .. dunno what to say ... choked up ... really .. all kinds of feelings sweeping through me ... too many memories ... two weeks ... an experience of a Yuga ... that's all I can say."

She came to be known to all later as Jnana Jothiamma. I documented her travels and experiences that she shared with me subsequently on Skype. 

Then we have a devotee whose ancestors from Madurai, Tamilnadu, worked in the sugarcane fields of South Africa, visit Kallar, and became captivated by and devoted to Tavayogi and his teachings. Writing to me, she introduced herself and began to share her experiences in subsequent mails. 

My salutations to you. My name is KP. I hail from the southern most tip of Africa, namely South Africa. I got your personal email address off your blog when you kindly provided it to another devotee. I sincerely apologize in advance for using it, it is not my intention to invade your privacy in any way. 

I am a frequent visitor on your blog and I thank you profusely for being the instrument which led me to Agathiyar. My story is extraordinary, having said that, I believe every person fortunate enough to experience Agathiyar, would have an extraordinary story. 

Your writing is truly magnetic and the manner in which you selflessly share the personal experiences of your journey and your knowledge to educate us tiny atoms is sincerely admirable. The wise Agathiyar has certainly chosen an exceptional soul to impart the work of the siddhars. 

The purpose of my email is to humbly seek your permission to share my story with you, on a private platform (perhaps on this email address), and given that you are so far travelled on your journey with the divine one, any insights or thoughts you may have, I would be most grateful to receive. Blessed Regards, KP

She then wrote a piece for Siddha Heartbeat. 

Towards the end of February, 2015 I stumbled upon a blog, quite by accident, or so I thought. I subsequently learnt that there are no coincidences or chance experiences, as we often perceive them to be. The photos of the Agathiyar Gnana Peedam in Kallar caught my eye and from that very first visual, I experienced a physical energy vibration under my skin, which flowed through my body. This was accompanied with a spinning sensation at the top of my head (crown chakra). It felt strange at first.

For the days that followed I frequented the site with increased curiosity. Again, I followed the links and arrived at the ashram in Kallar. I viewed the prayers and visually absorbed the statues and the inside of the temple with piqued interest. Each time I indulged myself with these visits the vibrations I experienced became more intense. I remember little else other than the distinct knowing that I had to go there. 

Now would be a good time to mention (again) that I live in South Africa, yet, it did not appear to be an irrational thought to go to Kallar at all. I did not dwell on this desire for long. I conferred with my husband about my experiences and an unexplainable feeling to go the ashram far across the world from us. My longing to go was not challenged. He immediately trusted my instincts and supported my mission.

By the 3rd of March (only a few days later), he had booked us two tickets to go to India. I promptly embarked on planning an itinerary with great zeal. On the 6th of March, upon checking, I discovered that our passports had just expired. The 9th of March (a Monday) we frantically applied for new passports. I did not panic and knew unexplainably all will be well, a reaction unfamiliar to me. The new passports were produced and ready for collection within a week (around the 16th - 17th of March). We fetched them without delay and applications for visas were submitted. Visas were granted (around the 24th - 25th of March) and all documents were in order by the 27th of March with only a weekend to spare before our flight to India, departing on the 30th of March. We managed to pull all of that off in less than a month.

The night of our impromptu journey arrived. We boarded our flight timeously, but had to sit through a one hour delay while baggage and other flight contents had to be re-loaded to apparently, balance the weight on the aircraft. I buffed off this technical hitch as a much bigger mission absorbed my attention. My husband however, was concerned that the delay may result in us missing a connecting flight from the UAE to India. The flight staff assured us this would not happen given their airline was delayed and our connecting flight was with their airline as well.

Our delayed arrival in the UAE however, did result in us, including many other passengers missing our ongoing flights. For us, missing this one flight resulted in missing another from Chennai to Coimbatore as well. The drama that usually follows when negotiating with airline personnel went into action. All other outgoing flights were fully booked and the next flight available to us was some time the next day. Our appointment and requirement was to not just be in Coimbatore, but in Kallar by 9h00 the following day, a Wednesday to have the Jeeva Naadi reading. I astonished myself once more and did not panic.

After much collaboration and negotiation the airline managed to accommodate us on an earlier daytime flight to Chennai to enable us to catch another flight with another airline to Coimbatore on the morning of the reading. (Our original plans were to arrive in Coimbatore the night before and take a leisurely drive to Kallar in the morning). 

We arrived in Coimbatore on the Wednesday, 1st of April and departed from the airport a little after 8h10. There was no time for a hotel check in hence we headed straight to the ashram in Kallar. The driver had heard of the ashram but was not sure of its exact location. After driving for some time we decided to make a quick stop to buy garlands and fruit to take to the ashram. We stopped again several times during the drive to ask for directions and local people were happy to show us the way. We arrived at the steps of the Sri Agathiyar Gnana Peedam and began our ascent to the ashram. I looked at my watch at this point and it was, miraculously, 9h00. There was no rational explanation as to how we surmounted the many obstacles to get there at 9h00…

We reached the ashram, washed our feet and stepped into Agathiya’s holy abode. We had come all the way from the very tip of Africa to a remote place we had not heard of a month ago. It felt surreal. Thavayogi Thangarasan Adigal had just begun his prayer. We participated and gratefully took his blessings at the end.

After a while, we introduced ourselves to both Marthaji and Thavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, who were expecting us, as we had previously communicated telephonically and via email. Marthaji wrote down my husband’s name in a notebook. These would be the names of people who would have a reading on that day. She explained that he (my husband) could have the reading, which would benefit the family as a whole, and I would be called in when the reading was being explained/translated. I had no idea of how the process unfolded but I accepted this.

We sat and waited patiently, with others, in the comfortable waiting room. We were blessed that the waiting room was cool almost as if it had it’s own cooling system. It was incredibly hot, temperatures we were not used to. In our hurry to get to the ashram we did not take water or anything to drink and after some time, thirst began to knock.

During this waiting time I admired all the pictures and paintings of Agathiyar which graced the top end of the waiting room walls. I silently communicated to him that I was not exactly sure how this reading process goes. I expressed my confusion as well as my delight at being there. I reminded him that I had come all the way from South Africa because of some gut feel and some energy vibration and that I was beginning to see question marks relative to receiving the answers I sought or having a reading. I then firmly asserted that I was not leaving there that day without an audience with him. 

My communiqué with the revered saint was put on pause when the lovely lady who cooks at the ashram brought out cups of a beverage for all the people in the waiting room. I am still unsure what the beverage was, it was like steaming hot tea; the most delicious hot drink that had the magnificence of having a refreshing and cooling effect. The welcome drink took care of thirst, hunger, heat etc. for the rest of the day. I marveled at how all our needs were being synchronistically accommodated. 

Minutes before it was our turn for the reading, my husband turned to me and conferred, that the trip was about me and my experiences and that we had come all the way because of my instincts to be there hence I should have the reading, and that whatever came out of the reading would still be applicable to us as a family. I listened in silence. I did not oppose his view either, but wondered if such a change could be requested. I looked up at the picture of Agathiyar and controlled the urge to go “YES”.

When it was our turn, my husband went in and explained his decision to Thavayogi Thangarasan Adigal and Marthaji. I was readily invited to have the much awaited reading. I sat down beside Marthaji, in front of the highly respected Thavayogi Thangarasan Adigal. My emotions ran high. I did not know what to expect. Some knowledge of readings from internet postings was all I had, which did not serve me then. This was now the real thing. My mind began to run rampant about what was to come. I considered making a run for it but I could not find my legs.

Thavayogi Thangarasan Adigal smiled warmly, disarmingly, magnetically pulling my mind and thoughts back to a level of calm. He together with Marthaji began a casual conversation around my country of birth, the people, the culture, languages etc. quickly pulling my attention back to reality and a minimal level of composure. I could easily have a conversation around such areas of interest. I was still unaware of the magnitude with which the impending reading was to change my life, irreversibly.

The guru picked up the sacred instrument gifted to him by Agathiyar and began to read ….. Marthaji began to write….

The reading is in Tamil. Guruji reads a bit. This is followed by a disarming smile. He stops and enquires if I understand Tamil. I ashamedly confess that I do not. He comforted my anxiety saying that he would explain in English once the reading was done. He continued with the reading. There was that smile again. My confusion stepped up a notch. I beat myself emotionally for not being able to understand my ancestral language.

“You are kali from abroad”, he translates in English. (He probably recognized my restlessness and translated bits of the reading before the end).

I struggle to comprehend this, although he communicates this in English.

“Agathiyar says, he has been calling you from abroad”

My disorientation escalates, tears well up in my eyes and a mammoth lump takes hold of my throat.

“Agathiyar says he has been calling you from abroad for your future spiritual upliftment”.

Relief flooded over me. So there was a “calling”. I was responding to something, I thought hurriedly. We were barely two minutes into the reading when I received the biggest shock in my life. Actually this news could easily be the biggest shock in anyone’s life.

Agathiyar says “You are his daughter. He knows everything about you but you do not know about him”.

I am blindsided with guilt. This is true. I have only just discovered him, I thought sadly. I am unable to respond to this. I began to grapple with tears, confusion, disbelief, loss of words, incoherent thoughts and an undeniable sense that something mighty had brought me to Kallar.

The reading went on to reveal the following:

A bit about my work ....  previous birth .... Agathiyar confirmed in the reading it is time for me to reconnect with my spirituality ..... A bit about my good husband .... I must pray to his statue. And he will save me .... I have a good spiritual line ...... I still have some karma to work through hence I was provided some remedies, temples I had to visit, the Kalyana Theertham being one of them, the Agathiyar Falls and a few others.

I was left trembling, tearful, choked, disoriented and still confused. I struggled to comprehend any of it. Although I had heard it, I still had a desperate need for it to be true. I wondered if I was asleep. I needed time to digest it. I was relieved that my instincts and experiences were indeed that of a “calling”. I was expecting to be told of a “calling” on some level but I never dreamed of having known the dear saint in a previous life, moreover as an adopted daughter. It left me reeling in bewilderment, amazement and wonder. The revelation felt like an electrical reboot to my system. To say this was a “life changing” experience is perhaps an understatement. 

A few days into our journey, we made our way to Agathiyar Falls, the Kalyana Theertham and one of Agathiyar’s caves. Our driver approached the town, fetched his elderly uncle who lived in the area, and drove on towards one of Agathiyar’s mystical wonder abodes.

On arrival we noticed the clear sky, the large shade providing trees, the clean fresh air and the surrounding mountain terrain which were breathtaking. The water spilled over the fall with absolute glory, drenching and splashing devotees below with it’s energizing prowess. I wondered in disbelief how the drop of the fall and the speed at which the water gushed over, did not present any danger to the believers below. The devotees below were not only safe but were having the time of their lives. My husband showed me to the side of the fall for woman and went off to the opposite side for men, to have a massage under the falling water. I treaded over the rocks carefully, gingerly making my way towards the water. At first I stood at a far end where I was able to get drenched but little water splashed over me.

A lady passing me advised warmly, “Go and stand over there ma, you not getting the real water to fall over you”. Someone had noticed. I moved cautiously further on until I was directly under a full flow of water. (It is interesting to note here that Manju Harsha Vardhan of Bangalore was guided by a similar lady to another spot away from where she was taking a bath. Surprisingly she spoke Hindi to Manju, which she understood - Editor).

It felt invigorating, and …… quite safe. I closed my eyes and gave myself to the restorative, calming, karma releasing therapy I perceived it to be. The water flowed over with the gentleness and affection a parent gives a child. It felt as if someone standing at the top of the fall was tipping a vessel of healing energy over. It was mesmerizing. When I felt ready I stepped back a few steps from the fall, to behold it’s beauty. I absorbed it’s sheer magnificence. It filled my eyes with it’s majestic, divine beauty. I was in awe and grateful that I was given the opportunity to experience it’s blessings.

My thoughts moved to noticing a beautiful yellow butterfly flying towards me. I followed it’s movement with keen curiosity. It flew towards me, circled the top of my head and flew off downstream. I mentally communicated my gratitude and delight at being there and asked for guidance for the rest of our travels.

After a quick change of clothes we made our way up the long, welcoming steps (I am told 100 steps), to visit the Shiva Temple, Mother Krishnaveni’s home and the Kalyana Theertham. Midway up the steps, I began to feel muscles in my legs I did not know I had. The fierce India sun was grinning with all it’s might. Again, these were temperatures unfamiliar to us, but I was acutely aware that this too was part of the karmic penance to accept. I acknowledged the sun’s strength and accepted it’s challenge.

We arrived at the top after the arduous climb and paid our respects to all the deities. The Kalyana Theertham disseminated a celestial, powerful spiritual energy, which I had recently read. Being there radiated an energy within me on a deeply personal level. This view all around was breathtaking. There was the sweet sound of flowing water in the stream below the Theertham, the glorious mountain terrain extended far into the distance, the beauty of the surrounding trees and greenery, the brilliant blue sky on that day and the magnificent sun giving life and energizing everything below. Who would not want to live here? (The same thing Jnana Jyothiamma said too - Editor)

During this time, we realized we were alone. We were told one of Agathiyar’s caves was in that vicinity but we were unable to find it. After much searching we gave up on finding the cave and made our way back down the gruelling 100 steps. 

Back at the waterfall, all the way down the steps, we are informed by a Park official that the cave is “up there” however we would need to take a guide to go up with us. We were exhausted and silently wondered how we would manage another round up. The enthusiastic guide was ready to go convincing us that we had to see the footprints of Agathiyar in the cave.

We were back on the steps. I chose to ignore the sun’s effort to beat me again. I continued to focus on the reward, the cave. We arrived at the top once more, the guide moved towards the stream and pointing across the stream briefly explained the route. It sounded dangerous, scary, and almost impossible. We were already beyond exhaustion and close to dehydration. The driver backed away declaring that he would not be joining us. My husband and I looked at each other, our analytical minds racing to establish a logical, rational decision. It was not the time for a logical, rational decision. We had decided. We motioned the guide to continue and we followed.

We hopped over rocks bare footed which felt to the feet like a griddle. I imagined the sun laughing with glee in response to me accepting it’s challenge. The terrain became more mountainous and the rocks became more difficult to scale. The guide picked up his pace being familiar with this trek. The climb demanded the use of hands, feet, legs, knees, using one’s buttocks, stomach etc. sliding, climbing, jumping, crawling etc. After approximately 20 minutes on the trail, I could not feel my lower body. The perspiration melted off my face. I struggled to move forward. Each time we enquired, the guide responded that we were almost there. This was his response around five times.

As we continued, we caught sight of the driver. He had unbelievably changed his mind, and decided to follow us. He made good progress, got ahead of us and caught up with the guide. My husband was closely ahead of me. By this time he had already had a few slips, slides, cuts and bruises. I was taking strain. I began to question my decision to embark on the quest, which now appeared beyond my physical and mental capability. My thoughts became scrambled. I had started to lose focus on my goal, reaching the cave. I constantly thought about the return journey which hampered my mental stamina to move forward. I felt delirious. The guide saw me falling behind. He threaded backwards towards us. He got to my side and began to guide me through every step forward, literally. He told me where to step, where to slide, where to grab hold of a branch, where to jump, where to crawl etc. He encouraged and motivated me with every step I took forward. From this point on, all I could hear was his voice. I did not know it at the time but a divine intervention was in place to get me to the cave.

While this went on, the driver Ramesh miraculously finds a little packet with camphor and match in it somewhere on his path, in between rocks. Again we do not realize the significance of this extraordinary find until much later. A few meters away from the cave, the guide left, got into the cave and used the match to light up the camphor to illuminate the cave.

By this time, I had again slipped into despair. Both my feet were in a narrow ravine and both my hands clung onto a branch just above my head. I was in a physically safe place, where I unintentionally chose to break down. I cried hopelessly clinging onto the branch, although there was no risk of falling. I told my husband that I had given up and would not get any further. I asked him to go on without me. I had literally given up. I was disappointed and angry with myself for failing to make it to the cave. I felt weak and disempowered. I was pushed to a point of near collapse. My thinking and brain functioning appeared to have shut down. My thoughts were few and muddled. My helpless weeping went on.

My husband tried hopelessly to get me to let go of the tree and drag myself forward. He tried to take hold of my hands. I still clung to the tree. He asserted that the cave was really just a few meters away this time. I did not believe it. He tried desperately to get my attention. “You can do this”, he stressed. He tried to point out how close we were to the cave. He reminded me that this was just a physical hurdle, and I had succeeded with more complex hurdles before. I continued to weep.

My husband relented, turned around on the rock and asked me to get onto his back. He was going to carry me to the cave. I comprehended his intention and was astonished. I thought it was ridiculous. He was as exhausted and beat as I was but he was willing to carry me to the cave. I am unreservedly grateful to have a husband who would offer to do this for me.

I paused the weeping. A feeling of physical and mental strength rose within my body. I looked ahead and could see more rocks and greenery as opposed to doom. I took my husband’s hand and dragged myself forward. There were a few dragged steps, a few climbs before we joined the guide and the driver who were already at the cave.

I put my arms around the rock outside the cave placing my head on it. Perspiration melted off my face, which I have never experienced in my life. I was completely overwhelmed. I got to the cave but there was a force, a power, and an unquestionable energy, which carried me there. 

The cave was illuminated. The guide pointed to the footprints inside the cave. They were distinctly visible and of a small footed person. I was awe struck. I peered in and around the cave and could not believe being there. It felt like a fantasy. There was ash around the footprints. The guide pulled some of it towards him together with some dried flowers and handed it to me. Writing this today, some days later, I still wonder if I had really been there. Although I felt emotionally and physically exhausted I distinctly remember the feeling of bliss, peace, tranquillity, contentment, serenity …… a sensation of being far removed from the trials of the earthly plane and human birth…..

It was a taste of something, dreamlike, intangible….

It was hard to believe such a place could exist on earth. 

The journey back to the Theertham and to the bottom of the steps was astonishingly, “a hop, skip and a jump”. I needed absolutely no assistance and it took less than half the time than getting to the cave.

Going to the cave tested my mettle on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to burn, perspire, crawl, weep, struggle, suffer etc. to atone for my karma. It was by far the most invaluable lesson in my life, guided by the divine wisdom and compassion of some extraordinary souls who walked beside me selflessly on my journey of karmic penance. 

Before leaving I acknowledged the mighty sun for showing me some grace and relief without which I surely would not have succeeded.

Mrs Kogie contributed several more pieces to Siddha Heartbeat (http://agathiyarvanam.blogspot.com/2015/06/a-devotees-journey-on-path-of-siddhas.html). 

These days, Mrs Kogie and I spend hours speaking about the Siddhas, just as Jnana Jothiamma and I used to back then when she was alive. She has now begun to write again. I am so happy that she is keeping with the tradition, where once Agathiyar had directed Tavayogi to Malaysia in 2004 to spread his teachings; Jnana Jothiamma shared all her experiences and internal transformation; Kogie has taken up the pen to share with us her experiences and understanding.

THE LONE RANGER

Knowing that I will fall for the very mention of his name, Agathiyar, some time back warned me to be careful with people who use his name when seeking advice, etc. In the beginning of my pursuit on the path after he came as a statue to my home, many strangers would knock on my door and ask to see him. Soon, they would turn up regularly and begin to open their can of worms. My wife and I, who were new to this faith, out of excitement, would go beyond the limits and start to advise them, eventually landing ourselves in trouble. I soon found out how some hide many facts and only reveal a little. With each solution we gave, they would open up a bit more, hence making the earlier solution irrelevant. Consulting with Tavayogi over the phone, he practically gave me a slap on the face asking why I interfere. Instead, he would ask me to show them to Agathiyar and have them cry their heart out to him. But Agathiyar later asked me to whom I shall turn to in the face of adversities if he were to shut his ears. I understood that while he wanted me to listen to others, Tavayogi taught me to stop reacting to their plight.

A devotee and friend hid some aspects of his problems and only shared that he was asked to carry out a Yagam after a Nadi reading. He asked me if I knew someone who could do the rituals. That was about the same time Agathiyar had told a host of a puja to henceforth take up the puja doing it themselves rather than depend on a third party, for it was apparent that they did not learn a thing in the 23 years that someone came to carry out the puja in their home for them. So I passed on the message to him too, telling him to take it up himself. Today, I learned that he had gone for a Nadi reading for a favor, and Agathiyar had proposed that the Nadi reader carry out a specific ritual or Yagam for him. The reader listed the cost. That is when he consulted me, asking if I knew someone who would do it. I saw through the whole divine game and laughed it off, as Agathiyar used to tell me. 

I was telling myself that I would rather sleep with the enemy than with someone I knew. An atheist is clear about his stand. He does not believe and would never come near. Now, my fear is about those who profess that they are on the path of the Siddhas but hide behind it. Honesty and discipline are the foundation of the path, besides faith and belief. Later, a total surrender is required before one can reach the limits of the path.

Some have asked why the all-knowing Agathiyar does not know our problems and why we have to tell him. Thus, they choose not to believe that he can manifest and speak through another. Even the police or the local council or government agencies only investigate and take action when a report is lodged. Then I realized that it is similar with the doctors, too. When everyone meets me, they are immediately drawn to the lump on my forehead and ask what it is. But none of the doctors I saw for other ailments asked about it nor addressed it. They are waiting for us to ask to look into it. Then, a series of tests would follow to determine what it is, beginning with a visual check. This is how we have to voice out to God too, though he knows everything.  Agathiyar says we must verbalize our problems and be heard so that the Prapanjam can help or heal us. In doing so, we set our ego aside, and the soul directs us to the larger soul of which we are a part. 

DETACHMENT

A reader and friend from South Africa I spoke to over the phone last night suggested if the temples could have been a manifestation of the mind of the Siddhas. I then added that the world must also be a manifestation of our minds, for no two people see the same thing or see eye to eye. In fact, science says that we originally see things inverted. This is then corrected to the likes of what we see. Some things are understood while others are not. If one understands, another doesn't. Things are not what they seem to be. Finally, we asked if all these were the mind play of Siva, the creator. This needs to be pondered over and understood further.

Agathiyar, in coming to save us from falling for the play of Maya, seems to hint and denounce everything as Maya. He asked me to distinguish between the real and unreal. Both he and Ramalinga Adigal have asked me countless times to read and reread Tavayogi's "Andamum Pindamum" regarding the 96 Tattvas and Bhota Ganangal. If we can detach ourselves from the mind and body stuff and its Tattvas, what remains then is the true self. This is where they want to bring us.  

So what are we then? We are the true pure awareness and bliss, Sat Chit Ananda. All else is a cover, a screen, a veil, a clothing that boils down to disillusion or Maya. What stands the test of time and space is, was, and will be is the true entity. This then is the Atma or soul. Thence, we understand why Agathiyar told me that we were together for crores of years. We came on a field trip to study, experience, and learn before returning to our innate state. In coming together to first hold hands and then sit in silence, we create the avenue for the souls to connect and recharge without interference from the ego that dictates and separates us. In doing nothing, we rest in the innate state of the soul. In remaining silent, we rest in the innate state of the soul. In remaining still, we are one with the innate state of the soul. 

TIME TO DECIDE

Just as the grandfather tells his grandson to write down "All the things that he saw, read, and experienced, and to compile all those stories", in the movie Aalan, I remember Tavayogi giving me a smile, after asking me what I was doing as he looked over his shoulder at me sitting beside him with my notepad and pen, jotting my entry each time we left a temple or a place of worship or adventure. I made it a point to document these adventures, which soon saw their way onto the net via the numerous websites I created and later as this blog. Later, I began to upload videos of our activities, too, and the director in me came to the forefront. I was interested in movies from a young age and wanted to make films but dropped the idea later, thinking of the magnitude of coordinating it all and bringing those thoughts into celluloid before my audience. I wanted to be a full-time artist, too, but I dropped the idea of making it a career. But all these came to fruition as I came to my gurus and traveled the path. Then Agathiyar threw in the challenge of writing my biography. 

Seeing the young lad who came into his care at his ashram attempting to write day and night, the guru approaches him, asking,

"What is the core belief of a spiritual person?"

"Detachment Guruji"

"When you are supposed to stay detached, why then do you seem so tense? There are only two things in this world. Being here and without being seen. You can't force one to be seen. It should be seamless. Only then can you remain unseen." Saying thus, he asks, 

"What's inside you, writing or spirituality?" 

"Both Guruji."

"You cannot sail in two ships at once. Your heart finds it difficult to commit yourself to God. But deep inside your heart keeps dreaming about writing. When all your thoughts revolve around writing, you cannot devote yourself to God. The basic law of the universe is living hand in hand. Similarly, in your life's journey, even if you lose many, someone may travel alongside you. Who knows? Nature is a treasure trove of mysteries. No one can predict what will happen next. That is the law of life. One's greatest love transforms into one's spirituality. In your case, writing is your spirituality. It is wonderful. If you want it to reach everyone, this is not the right place for you. Stay with people from that community."

Saying, "Decide what you want," he leaves him to think and decide.

I guess this is what the guru in the ashram where my father stayed back then, after leaving the family behind, must have told him too. For though I cannot remember him speaking about his guru or the ashram, he said that the guru sent him back after he served him several years, telling him that he had responsibilities toward the family that he needed to settle first, adding that if fate permits, they shall meet again. Heeding the advice, he came back but never went back. 

So too, I think Agathiyar, in accepting their decision, has shelved his plans for the devotees at AVM for now. Since the pandemic cooled off, both he and Lord Murugan had harped on the need to surrender to the cause and kept asking if they were ready. As no one was ready to take the plunge as yet, he let them be. It reminds me of the story where a Siddha approaches a man numerous times to go with him but is sent away when the man gives excuses not to come. Finally, not willing to wait another moment, the Siddha asks him to fetch him a tender coconut to quench his thirst. When he is holding on to the branch of the tree, the Siddha stops him and asked if he was holding on to the tree or vice versa. The man comes down and follows the Siddha without saying another word. 

ON BOOKS & WRITING

I had written in an earlier post that "I need not wait around to see the garden bloom. The feeling is great, having severed the last strands of ties with the garden or rather dropped ownership of it. I am not to hang around assessing the farm and the orchard and its products, weeding the plants, or pruning the fruit trees. I was here only to sow the seeds." I was contemplating ending my writing, too. Then, as I watched the movie Aalan over a couple of days, I came across some advice from a grandpa to his grandson asking him to read and, above and beyond them, to write.

"When we read, you become aware of the world, learn about nature's wonders and get a clearer understanding of our society and community. You must read. Don't just stop there. You have to write. Because reading will only be beneficial to you. But when you write, it will be beneficial to the whole world. All the things that you saw, read, and experienced, compile all those stories and write them down. Your writing will take you to the highest of highs."

Years later the grandson takes his advice, and with much encouragement from a mate close to him and a stranger-turned-friend, he gets someone to publish his writings in Chennai under the name of the stranger who left a lasting impact in his life. Later turning up again before his guru in Varanasi, he informs the latter of having fulfilled his and his grandfather's desire to see him write. The guru, surprised that he had no copy of his own writing and coming to know that he had written under another name, tells him that, "A sage does not need an address, but the author of the book is its face. His writing is his identity. How could you not see what you have created?"

Now, is this a message for me, too? 

Moments ago, a reader writes in.

"You told me many times to write, but I had other professional constraints. You eventually wrote that he wanted others to take up his work and share.  You and father worked tirelessly, unselfishly for years to grow and mentor us all. I have taken. I bow down. Thank you both. I will take it up, aiya. I will begin his work. I will write. There is only 1 problem, aiya...I  know nothing."

We receive the answer to this again from the movie when a fan of his asked him from where he received those experiences to write the book, he replies that "When you travel with nature, it all comes together."

 

Paramahansa Yogananda wrote his story and that of his gurus and opened up a new chapter in my life too, introducing me, who only knew the deities in the temples, to Godmen and gurus. So have many books and their authors become Upagurus to us. Where do you supposed it all came from?