Here is some consolation for those keen to take up the Siddha path but are reluctant to do so for fear of having to leave the family as instilled by others or seen by example.
Tavayogi writes in his ""Andamum Pindamum", Agathiyar extols that it is possible to be with the family, take up the proper practices, and attain Gnanam and bliss. Similarly, Tirumular defines one who stays home to carry on his spiritual practices as a Maatavar or Tapasi, one who does great Tapas or Tavam. The family man engaged in trying to attain Siva Gnanam supersedes those who have renounced the world.
இல்லறத்திலே இருந்து கொண்டே முறையான பயற்சி செய்து ஞானம் பெற்று பேரின்பம் அடையலாம் என்று அகத்தியர் கூறியுள்ளார். அதே போல திருமூலர் வீட்டிலே இருந்து பயற்சி செய்பவனே மாதவர் என்கின்றார். மாதவர் என்றால் பெரிய தபசி என்று பொருள்படும். சந்நியாசம் ஏற்று சிவஞானம் பெற முயற்சி செய்பவரைவிட இல்லறத்தே இருந்து கொண்டு சிவஞானம் பெற முயற்சிப்பவர்களே மிகச் சிறந்தவர்கள் ஆவார்கள்.
Maybe this is why the Shiva family has been portrayed as one big family.
According to Hinduism, marriage (vivaha) between two persons is a sacred relationship that is not limited to this life alone. It extends across seven or more lives, during which the couple helps each other progress spiritually. The adage that marriages are made in heaven is very much true in the case of Hinduism. Two souls come together and marry because their karmas are intertwined and they have to resolve many things together upon the earth in order to ensure their mutual salvation. The relationship between a couple is essentially a relationship of the souls. It is not necessary that their gender roles are fixed forever. Sometimes they may switch roles and the husband may become the wife and the wife the husband. Sometimes they may also temporarily part their ways and come together again after one or two lives in a grand reunion.
PV Jagadisa Ayyar in his book "South Indian Customs", Asian Educational Services, New Delhi, 1985, writes that,
The exchange of garlands in a marriage is a ceremonious representation of bestowing a portion of their spiritual force to their life partner. In the plan laid down by the wise men of old, two souls drawn together by love and sincerity do not part till both reach the level at the same time. This idea is conveyed in the Hindu marriage ceremonials and the Hindu marriage itself is considered a sacrament and not a contract. All the subsequent rites (in marriage and beyond) are observed to be continued thereafter day after day till perfection in evolution is attained in both taking many births, even if need be as husband and wife. The aim of performing religious rites in the company with his wife or (her husband) is for the spiritual evolution of both. In fact, a wife is said to be a Saha Dharma Charini which means the lady who performs the duty enjoined in company with her husband.
In the book "Nayana, A Biography of Kavyakantha Vasistha Ganapati Muni (from the original Telugu texts by Gunturu Lakshmikantam), Dr. G Krishna mentions that Ganapati Muni had described his wife as a Tapa Sakhi, meaning comrade in Tapas just as Arundhati was the Tapa Sakhi of Vasistha and so were the wives of many of the Rishis. They never considered their wives as hindrances to their Tapas. The Siddhas never shun marriage. Although they were immersed in austerities and worship, meditation and solitude, and research and discovery, they took on a wife for their combined religious and spiritual accomplishments.
Looking at Ramakrishna Paramahansa's life, we are shown that husband and wife can indeed live together as spiritual companions.
By his marriage, Sri Ramakrishna admitted the great value of marriage in man's spiritual evolution, and by adhering to his monastic vows he demonstrated the imperative necessity of self-control, purity, and continence, in the realization of God. By this unique spiritual relationship with his wife he proved that husband and wife can live together as spiritual companions. Thus his life is a synthesis of the ways of life of the householder and the monk. (Source: http://www.ramakrishnavivekananda.info/gospel/introduction/relation_with_wife.htm)
Shri Ramkrishna turned his mind to the fulfillment of imparting religious and spiritual teachings to her. About the experience of this period Sarada Devi used to say afterwards: “I felt as if a vessel full of divine bliss was permanently installed in my heart...I can not adequately describe the heavenly joy which filled my heart...!” (Source: https://www.speakingtree.in/blog/the-story-of-a-holy-wife)
Just like Ganapathi Muni and Ramakrishna, Lahari Mahasaya too was a householder. Lahiri Mahasaya’s wife Ma Kashi Moni shares life with a saintly man.
It was years before I came to realize the divine stature of my husband. One night, in this very room, I had a vivid dream. Glorious angels floated in unimaginable grace above me. So realistic was the sight that I awoke at once; the room was strangely enveloped in dazzling light. My husband, in lotus posture, was levitated in the center of the room, surrounded by angels who were worshiping him with the supplicating dignity of palm-folded hands. Astonished beyond measure, I was convinced that I was still dreaming (until Lahari told her that she was not).
Vision after vision broke as oceanic surf on the shores of my soul. The panoramic spheres finally melted in a sea of bliss. I lost myself in ever-surging blessedness. When I returned hours later to awareness of this world, the master gave me the technique of Kriya Yoga.
Lahari initiated her into Kriya Yoga immediately. As for choosing that particular moment, Lahari has this to say to her.
“The time was not ripe.” Lahiri Mahasaya smiled consolingly. “Much of your karma I have silently helped you to work out. Now you are willing and ready.”
When women were considered unfit to worship Agni, study the Vedas, and recite Vedic Mantra, and were denied the benefits of Upayana, Ganapati Muni himself used to initiate women into Mantra Japa. Many were the women who were initiated into Gayathri Vidhya, which was considered exclusive to men. Ganapati Muni held the view that women should not be barred from any spiritual or religious chores. Visalakshi, wife of Ganapati Muni took to the worship of Agni whenever Ganapati Muni was outstation.
Visalakshi paid equal attention to house-keeping and Mantra Upasana. Ganapati did not share the belief that a woman was the source of sin and Maya. Women were not treated as objects of pleasure by our ancient rishis. They were as qualified as men to discharge spiritual responsibilities. The study of scriptures had convinced him that the ancient rishis had practiced austerity and attained self-realization without giving up family life and responsibilities. The ancient rishis by their exemplary behavior became spiritual preceptors to their wives and helped to establish a well ordered society.
The Siddhas are known to be radical in outlook and broke the norm of the day. They re-ordered society by breaking the prevailing false beliefs, practices, customs, and traditions. Although society observed them, the Siddhas stood aloft. They were more concerned in freeing the soul from age-long shackles that kept man rooted in superstition and Maya. They were more concerned about the growth of souls and the objective of reaching their source.
We can understand now why the very first day I met Tavayogi he asked that I bring my wife along when I returned to receive initiation in the evening. Later he told me that it was not enough that I came into the path and that I had to bring the family too. My wife and I both received initiation into the path of the Siddha.
The uniqueness in our culture is that we show our appreciation towards God by giving him a place in our homes and a place in our hearts too; bringing him to live among us through rituals; and creating festivals for him and bringing him to join in these festivities, almost daily celebrating with him. One such festival is where the marriage of the Gods is enacted out at the temples with the local community taking sides, either that of the bride or the groom. God is indeed deeply rooted in all our customs and traditions, faith, and beliefs. This is a show of appreciation for the one who created us, who helps sustain us, and eventually leads us back to his abode.
After being part of Sariyai from birth following in the footsteps of our parents, and turning our sight on Kriyai with the coming of the Guru, and taking on the practice of Yoga asanas and Pranayama, Ramalinga Adigal has come to help us bring the consciousness or prapanjam within. Tavayogi wrote, Yogam was a gift initiated for mankind to tap into consciousness and live a peaceful and blissful life. As Yogam flourishes Gnanam is attained.
பிரபஞ்சத்தின் ஆற்றலை மனிதன் பெற்று உணர்ந்து மன நிம்மதியோடும் பேரின்ப நிலை அடைந்து பேரானந்தத் தோடும் வாழ வேண்டும் என்பதற்க்காக ஏற்பட்டதே சித்தர்கள் கண்டுபிடித்த யோகம். யோகம் கைகூட கைகூட ஞானம் தானாகப் பிறக்கும்.