The piece on J. Krishnamurti, which I shared in the previous post, truly conveys what Agathiyar and the Siddhas told us. Just as J. Krishnamurti asked only one thing of us, "To look not with the eyes of knowledge, not with the eyes of belief, but with eyes washed clean of yesterday", Lord Siva coming in a dream in 1988 had me shelve all my questions and doubts that came with seeing, listening, reading, understanding and experiences until then, to a later date. I attended to my family, career, and responsibilities, dropping all discussion and reading on religion and spirituality. He wiped the slate clean so that Agathiyar could come into my life through a Nadi reading in 2002 and write afresh. Agathiyar came to help me wipe out my predestined fate, and Lord Muruga came later in 2018 to chart a new destiny.
J. Krishnamurti was seen by the Theosophical Society as the vehicle for a coming world teacher and was clothed, trained, and revered. Just as he was not a holy man wrapped in the robes of tradition, Agathiyar kept me in his folds, letting me remain a householder, telling me that I did not need to lead an ascetic life. Agathiyar sent some thirty youths over to my home in 2013 to learn Siddha worship that I had been doing since 2002. My home became Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM). He asked me to build a temple for him, and upon seeing my reluctance, he turned my home into a temple that was affirmed by Lord Muruga later. Just as one day, Krishnamurti gave it all back, Agathiyar had me wind up the group and my association with it in the wake of the pandemic in 2019. Agathiyar, by dissolving the group, sent out a clear message to all at AVM. Krishnamurti echoed the words of Agathiyar in telling us that "Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path, whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect." It was truly "more than a rebellion." It was "a revolution in consciousness" for me then, now, and in the days to come. Just as Krishnamurti walked alone and invited others not to follow him but to walk alone as well, I was asked to go within, telling me that henceforth the path was narrow and it shall be a lone and solo walk for me. Years later, he asks me if he should make me a guru too, but he immediately changes his mind. I am glad he did that. He had saved me.
Just as Krishnamurti traveled the world not as a teacher with answers but as a mirror, both Tavayogi and Agathiyar also did not provide answers but rather had us look within for the answers. My gurus had us relook at our questions and await the answers from the voice within. Just as Krishnamurti asked questions that cut deep, both Tavayogi and Agathiyar tore me apart with words that cut deep, too.
Just as Krishnamurti asked, "Can you observe without naming? Can you look at a tree, a thought, a wound without bringing the past into it? Can you live without comparison, without becoming, without fear?" and asked not for belief but for insight, not for obedience but for freedom, not for worship but for attention," so too did Tavayogi and Agathiyar teach us the same after having us go through the routine phases of Sariyai, Kriyai, and Yogam.
Just as Krishnamurti "returned to silence, not the silence of withdrawal but the silence that is born when the noise of thoughts subsides, a silence that is not created but revealed, a silence that is", Agathiyar had me stay in solitude and be silent allowing me to touch the silence that prevailed beneath all the noise and din, thoughts and actions, cries and laughter, speech and sermons, reading and discussions, experience and lessons.
Just as Krishnamurti's "life was simple, a small house, a garden, long walks, conversations with friends, the scent of flowers in the air," Agathiyar placed a small home with a garden in my lap, while Tavayogi took me on long walks having me look at nature and its beauty and learn a thing or two from them too. I began to appreciate nature too, just as Krishnamurti "loved nature not sentimentally but deeply, watching the movement of trees, the stillness of mountains, the flight of birds not as symbols but as revelations of beauty that asked for nothing".
Just as he did not "cling to the known, burying his 'thought, memory, and identity". Agathiyar too taught us not to cling to life and all the goodness that it showered on us, bringing us to the phase where everything we held on to dies a natural death and drops even before we drop this mortal frame. Krishnamurti spent his entire life preparing for death without preparing, dying each day, which the Siddhas phrased as, "To Die without Dying." He told us, "To live is to die every day, to die to the past, to die to the self, to die to everything that is not love". Eventually, when death came, Krishnamurti saw it as "not the end, not an event, simply the unfolding of what had always been, an unknowable mystery, not to be conquered but to be embraced". Agathiyar too questioned my fear of death and told me to usher and invite it instead, when the time comes to leave this mortal frame, adding that it was a start to another journey. In telling us that, "I do not mind if I die tomorrow. I have lived. I have seen the stars. I have heard the song of the birds. I have touched the sacred", it reminded me of my similar stand that I had shared with my family and close friends.
Finally, Krishnamurti, like Mahakavi Bharathi, "lay resting, there were no crowds, no ceremony, just a handful of close companions, some of whom had walked beside him for decades." "They sat in silence, not out of reverence but because there was nothing left to say."
Just as he mentioned that "No one can represent me. Nobody. Never. You can get into a mess if you do. You have to be a light to yourself in a world that is utterly becoming dark", Agathiyar had each one of us become a light to ourself after having us light the candle next to us and setting them on their individual internal journey, one of discovery and returning to their original Self. It was not becoming something but returning to being our true Self.
Just as I wrote in the last post, "In actuality, all messages are one. But man chooses to glorify each path and master, and eventually goes to war with each other", at the core of spirituality is the Soul that is One. Connecting with it connects us to all of creation. Agathiyar attests to this, telling us that he is the Prapanjam that is in all of us and in which we all reside. We are one. If we hurt another, we hurt ourselves too.
Krishnamurti outshone the other stars in the night sky and shall be remembered for ages. His story, like Tavayogi's, was not about one who chose to live alone, but that of one who touched another person and changed others' lives. I have to thank my stars for a good life. I am not a saint, having made blunders in life that I am ashamed of, yet the divine chose to shower its grace on me with Agathiyar pacifying me, saying that I needed that experience, too.