Agathiyar has asked me to go fulfill my wish to go over to Kallar. It came as a surprise as I was contemplating making a trip to India once India opens its borders. After the thought arose and I had brooded over it mentioning it to my wife, Mahin, and Suren and checking out the new requirements if there were any in applying for the visa in view of the pandemic and checking if there were any flights going over, Agathiyar gave the green light. But could this be another test of my faith in him?
When he asked me to build him a temple in my first Nadi reading in 2002, I was elated at having been chosen to carry out such a noble thing. Deciding that it would not be possible to build a new temple at that time, I looked towards existing temples to build a small shrine and have him placed. But none of the temple committees welcomed him, citing their own plans to erect or install deities of their choices in the available spaces. I dropped the idea. Meanwhile, when I got to meet Supramania Swami the following year in 2003 and Tavayogi in 2005 I assisted in fulfilling their desires to build a temple/ashram. If the divine intervened and put a stop to Supramania Swami's 40-year-old desire to build a temple for Lord Murugan on a piece of land that we purchased adjacent to his guru's Yogi Ramsuratkumar's samadhi, Agathiyar saw through Tavayogi's dream of building Agathiyar's temple and ashram in 2016. Moving on to 2018, Lord Murugan in a Nadi reading came to ask for a temple for himself. Seeing that I did not move he sent Agathiyar to coax me into it coming through a devotee. Seeing my reluctance, Agathiyar told me he shall do it. It was fine with me. After the 18 months when I wondered why it did not take place, Agathiyar came in the Nadi and told me that he had tested me.
After coming to know my gurus in physical form, I dropped all my searches and visits even when prompted by Agathiyar. He had mentioned several places and people whom I should visit and get their blessings. He told me to go over to Ongakarakudil and get Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar's blessing that I did not receive back then in 2003. He told me to go over to Yercaud caves, go meet Dharmalinga Swamigal in the Kolli hills, get Kundrakudi Adigal's blessings and go over to Chidambaram too. He told me to come over to his Pothigai peak. I never went. I told Agathiyar to show me or gift me whatever he had intended and planned in these places right here within the four walls of my home.
So when Agathiyar says, "உன் ஆசைக்கு ஏற்ப ஒரு முறை கல்லார்க்கு வாசம் செய்து வா", I understand that he is giving in to my thought. As this thought that has become a wish but has not become a desire, it hasn't become a lifelong desire, it hasn't become a yearning, and it hasn't become a vasana yet, I chose to drop it too and hold on to my previous principles. I fear that it could be a test too.
On another note, when I was confused and frustrated not knowing what was soul and spirit and if both were the same or different entities Agathiyar came with the answer through a memo dictated to Mahin. He clarified that they were different and went on to explain about the Udal, Uyir, and Atma. I chose to retain the terms in Tamil for I do not wish to complicate or confuse myself and others further as at times we can never find a suitable substitute in English for some Tamil words. Just as we are used to reading and hearing people say and imply that the soul and spirit are one and we tend to use them interchangeably, now I had another similar confusion and doubt as to how do we distinguish the difference between destiny and fate or if they were one. I got an insight into it as I sat before him.
I got to understand that we can pick our destiny. In life we have parallel paths running alongside. It is like the many cores in a cable. As in the multicore cable, there are a group of bare wires twisted or laid together, our lives too are composited of numerous pathways that bring on numerous possibilities. Here is where we have free will to choose which path and direction to take. When faced with numerous options, the "I" in us determines the course of action. We can steer on course on a particular yacht and decide to step onto another vessel that comes by at any time. We could take a break too and continue the journey. This is destiny. The "I" creates fresh karma. Thenceforth we are responsible for our actions and shall either pay dearly for our bad karma or reap the benefits of our good actions later or in another life.
If we surrender our destiny to the Siddhas as Bharathi surrendered to Goddess Ma, they lead us on a particular and purposeful path. They reveal our true purpose in coming here.
Then there is fate. This overrides our journey. The past karma steps in, interferes, modifies, pauses, or halts totally, changing our lives course. However much we try the door doesn't budge. The boulder doesn't move. Fate blocks our thinking, things slip our minds and make us forget, hence taking its course. It makes us lose our guard and we get caught in something. Fate surprises us giving us a blow. These are a result of our past actions and karma. Fate drives our "I" to think and perform likewise.
If Destiny is the blueprint that we draw up, Fate shapes us by giving knocks. Fate at other times interferes with our destiny, hijacking it or derailing it. It is like a game of snake and ladder. We would want the dice to land on a particular spot, but after throwing it the dice seems to have a mind of its own. That is fate.
But if we have the Siddhas by our side they make sure we recover fast or that its impact or effect is minute. The Siddhas might move the dice to fall on our desired spot. The Siddhas though very compassionate can seem to desert us at times too. If even after numerous reminders one does not heed their words or warnings then they step aside and let fate deal a blow as charted which at times might be fatal.
Prior to my daughter's wedding, I told the priest, who himself looked like Agathiyar, that I did not match the horoscopes of my daughter and son-in-law to see if they were compatible as they had chosen each other. The priests told me three things. First, if the couple had liked each other there was no need to see the horoscopes, that itself was mana porutam or compatibility of two hearts. Two, when two people come together in marriage it is the work of their combined karma or a karmic connection and it is fated. Finally, he told me to leave it to Erai to lead their lives. His words brought me assurance. Today they have given me three beautiful and wonderful grandchildren with whom I spend my retirement.
I too went with the flow when my sister took the initiative to see me married. After numerous meetings with the bride and parent sessions, my guess is 15, the girls turned me down even when the horoscope matched. I used to jokingly say to others and tell them that I was a clone of the lead character in the movie "Dhanusu Raasi Neyargal". I had a good laugh watching that movie and enjoyed it for I was like him. It was as if I was looking at myself, looking into a mirror. Finally, I found my life partner and wife in a girl I knew, whose maternal family and my family grew up together in the same house. This I would say is fate.
I guess loving someone is destiny. But when it doesn't work out and we are married to another that is fate. Match-making too should then imply it's fated. Correct me if I am wrong.
I had met a guru when he was visiting Malaysia in 2005. I heard his talk and stood in line to get his blessings. I was so impressed by him that I went back to see him another day before he flew back to India. That was about the same time I came to meet Tavayogi too. But today I don't recognize him anymore. He has changed drastically. People have come to despise him. Time does that to people I guess. I am glad I chose Tavayogi instead of him. Tavayogi was taintless. Forget about the little flaws and the mistakes they make for if it wasn't for these they would not be around with us. It is these weaknesses that tie down the gurus to the earth. To take a physical form everyone has to have flaws and weaknesses. Only the perfected ones called Siddhas never need to adorn this sheet of cover called a body. They move around in the subtle or shuksma form. If I had followed "my" destiny, if I had followed the "I" in me I would have run to the former again and again. But fate decided otherwise. Agathiyar had me stay put with Tavayogi. The Siddhas had interfered and guided my thoughts and actions. I am grateful to them.
Would I be wrong in making all the above assessments? Even if I try to be humble and say that they are using me as a tool there is an inch of ego here. The "I" still exists. But when I say they are doing it I am relieved of the responsibility and karma and right and wrong. When we consider him and us different it only implies that the "I" is still in existence as we see us as different entities. The "I" drops only when we see him as us and us as him. Then we begin to see him in all of Prapanjam.
During our regular conversations over the phone, Mahin asked where is the record of our past karma stored and if it was in one of the many bodies that cover us? I remembered reading that it was stored in the Akashic library "somewhere up there". I also came to read somewhere that it is retained in the last bit of tiny bone, the coccyx that is at the terminal end of the spine. The bone doesn't burn when cremated I was told. Last night as I stood before my bookshelf and pondered what book to read, I picked up P.Kamalakkannan's "Kunangkudiyaarin Gnana Vazhi", published by Vanathi Pathipakkam, Chennai, 1993. Here he refers to the Quran and Agathiyar's verses.
ஒவ்வொரு மனிதனும் செய்கின்ற நல்வினை தீவினை யாவும் இரு கண்ணியமான எழுத்தாளர்களால் கவனிக்கப்பட்டு ஒரு புத்தகத்தில் பதிவு செய்யப்படுவதாகவும் அப்புத்தகம் ஒவ்வொரு மனிதனின் கழுத்தில் மாட்டப்பட்டிருப்பதாகவும் இறை மறையாம் திருமறை கூறுகின்றது. அது எவ்வாறு மாட்டப்பட்டுள்ளது என்று அகத்தியர் விளக்கம் கூறுகிறார். திருமறை கழுத்து என்று கூறியதை அகத்தியர் தெளிவாகக் கழுத்தின் உட்பகுதியில் அமைந்துள்ள அண்ணாக்கு என்று கூறியுள்ளார். ஒவ்வொரு மனிதனின் அண்ணாக்கிலும் காலப் பெட்டகம் இருக்கிறது. அவன் செய்யும் நல்வினை தீவினை யாவும் உடனுக்குடன் அங்கே பதிவாகின்றன. இதற்கு விதி என்று பெயர் என்ற உண்மை அகத்தியர் வாக்கால் வெளிப்படக் காண்கின்றோம்.
Each good and bad deed is watched and noted and recorded by "two accountants" in a book. This is fate. This book is hung around their necks according to the Quran. Agathiyar clarifies this as the Uvula. Agathiyar yesterday told us the same too. Touching the throat he said, "இங்கு அடங்கி இருப்பது கர்மா."
If Agathiyar had us brush up on our learning, beginning with the 96 tattvas, then he had us question ourselves on the Atma and gave us the answer later, now as we are trying to comprehend destiny and fate, it is slowly being downloaded just like a picture slowly appears pixel by pixel from top to down on older computers. I am still trying to get the bigger picture of life. We haven't dwelled on the 5 Kosas or bodies as yet. Neither have we gone into the workings of the chakras. There is so much to learn. It is comforting to see that he gives support to all our endeavors. He told me yesterday, "நீ செய்து வரும் ஆராச்சியை தொடர்ந்து செய். முடிவில் நான் வந்து கூறுகிறான். The beauty in Agathiyar which Mahin and I agree to is that he does not spoonfeed us. He leaves us to read, hear, learn, and experience and also to think, ponder, research, and come to an opinion first before he comes in to correct and fine-tune the understanding.
I have been watching some good Tamil movies lately. The Tamil cinema has come a long way. There are many movies with good story content these days. There are teachings that I learned from the stories told. Watching "Vinodhaya Sitham" we could relate to it for it brought us awareness of time and Kala lurking around the corner. "Katrin Mozhi" taught me to give an ear to others' problems and listen. It was a lesson for me to keep my door open. I saw myself reflected in the lead role, watching "Dhanusu Raasi Neyargal" and had a good laugh. I was a fan of the stars, both the movie stars and the stars in the constellation, back then. "Thalaivi" and "Mahanati" showed the compassionate side, that we did not know existed, of real-life people whom we followed on the silver screen. The other was "Oh Manapenne" which taught about the need to be responsible and punctual. "Jai Bhim" showed us the dark side of the authorities as in பயிரை மேய்ந்த வேலி. "Sarpatta Parambarai" spoke about the need for discipline and practice to excel and see-through one's dream. Last night I saw "Kamali from Nadukkaveri". It carried the story of a student's determination to excel in her studies. Though she joined the college to meet a guy out of puppy love, later she grew up to make some wise choices. The retired Professor stood out for his contribution in couching her for a start which led to him couching the rest of the students in the village. Here we understand that a teacher's work is never done. Here we get to see the guru-disciple relationship too. Another movie that showcased the guru-disciple relationship was "Sarvam Thaala Mayam". In "Maanagaram" we see a series of unfortunate events and strangers come together. There are several twists in their lives and the plot that keeps you rooted to the chair. We see karma enact itself as it spins a web.
I had a dream too - to become a film director. I wanted to be an artist too. But times were not favorable in the seventies with a bleak future for both fields in Malaysia then. I dropped the former idea but continued to draw and paint to satisfy myself. When Tavayogi came into my life besides drawing his portrait that adorns the masthead of this blog, I picked up the camera and the tools and began to document our journey together on video. He became my superstar. When I told him that, he revealed that he had produced two movies with Karthik Muthuraman as the lead before he took up turavaram or became a mendicant. He said he came in a cameo appearance as a district officer in one of these movies. Though I would love to see him on the screen, I can't quite remember the titles of these movies. My late father used to run a theatre in India. Now my second daughter is taking up Media Communication in a local university. I guess the dream runs in the family.