True understanding does not come at the moment but much later only after we go through the experiences of our mentors. Truth is not understood by mere listening but only after it is applied in our lives. Similarly, many of the short statements or utterances that Tavayogi made as he walked by us, walked with us, or stopped to turn back to tell us, only makes sense now, many years later after we began to walk the talk and walk the path too.
Meeting him in Malaysia for the first time in 2005, he showed me what he was doing back at his ashram in Kallar, India. He invited me over. Soon I saw myself standing at his ashram doorstep a month after he left Malaysia for India. I was brought to experience life at an ashram that I never imagined in my wildest dreams. I was practically visiting temples following the tradition. Then a keenness to do puja at home followed. I sang the songs of praise to the Gods both at dawn and dusk each day, showering them with flowers that I picked from a tree that stood outside my home. All these ended in 1988 that saw me being transferred from a fishing village that turned into the country's first Naval base to the capital city. I guess I must have cooked my brain, baked it, fried it, and broke my body too, with much reading of anything and everything on tradition, custom, the arts, religion, and spiritualism those eight years, figuring all the mysteries out there, to the extreme state of my brain becoming a mess, that Lord Siva for his love for me had to intervene and saved me.
Seeing Tavayogi receive me at his doorstep was like walking into the "Zen Zone", the perfect place where peace and tranquility prevailed. Me and many others who have been to this place, his first ashram and the current new one some two kilometers away, would vouch to agree that this original old ashram was closer to nature and closer to our vision of a traditional ashram. When I went over the first time in 2005, there was no electricity. Neither was there piped water. Tavayogi would light up a hurricane light only when necessary and put it out at other times. It was even costly to have one light burn throughout the night. Hence we would go to bed as early as after 8pm. Tavayogi's loud and powerful breathing would wake us up in the early hours of dawn the next day as he practiced pranayama. We would head for the nearby stream to wash our clothes and have our bath. We would fetch water in vessels from a huge elevated water tank placed in a common area for use of both the locals and also the natives who were housed in a colony nearby. Breakfast would be idli and sambar and a glass of cow's milk. The same goes for dinner. Lunch was available if and when a visitor or someone from the neighborhood volunteers to cook. All these were alien to us and our culture in the city with everything within reach of a remote or a switch, back in Malaysia. The only modern-day amenity we had then was a flush toilet or latrine specifically constructed for Malaysians who drop by.
Those who come for a spiritual retreat seeking to take part in programs organized by the ashrams to deliver God to their doorstep will be in for a disappointment too. We are left to fend and be with ourselves most of the day. But that gave us time to actually be with ourselves, a priced gift that most do not get in the hustle and bustle of the city. Unfortunately, I did not treasure these precious moments but instead felt bored as we are used to doing something or anything always. I would end up tidying the ashram to keep myself occupied. What I did not know and realize then was that I had unknowingly taken the first step in Sariyai, that of keeping the abode of our Father clean. Tavayogi would conduct a small and brief puja showering flowers to Agathiyar in the mornings and evenings. Unknowingly I was engaged in Kriya. I would help him pick the flowers from his garden. But even then the thought of having had the rare privilege to participate in the puja of the Siddhas led by the guru did not occur to me then. When the boys who were regulars to the ashram come over they would take to the practice of Yoga or start questioning Tavayogi. I would just watch. I was being introduced to Yoga. Today after learning from Tavayogi yoga asanas and pranayama during his visit to Malaysia in 2007, I cherish the art of Yoga and the benefits that it brought on. Apart from this nothing much happens.
To visitors with problems he listens intently and makes them aware that their troubles are all due to their doings in the far past. We are given our first lesson on karma at this juncture. They start to ask if there was a means to be elevated from their miseries. But people being people always want the easy way out instead, citing their ignorance in rituals and settle willingly to spend money on these rituals or remedies without wanting to trouble themselves or work on them - in short, have somebody do it for them. Just as we lift a commoner among us to become our representative first in the community, then the society, then in politics or elevate him to the position of a statesman and similarly elevate another to the status of a guru, we shift the buck to others to get the remedies done. When a bunch of people sat and analyzed the day's daily newspaper during breakfast at a stall, half the time condemning the leaders and their policies, even after I returned to the place five years later, I walked up straight to them and told them not to waste their time as all these coffee shop talks on politics would not change a thing and that if they truly wanted to be heard I asked them to join politics, seek a post and work towards becoming a politician and voice out in parliament.
Once the remedies or parikaram are done people move on with life as usual till another bout of "fever" steps in and they come rushing for another "antidote". Thus they are forever seeking soothsayers, the Nadi, and other mediums never taking charge of their lives. If remedies are dished out and given, from a simple puja to the most elaborate of rituals as in some places, Tavayogi instead, teaches us to take the bull by its horn. He gets us to actively participate or perform puja to the Siddhas personally. Both the worship and remedies is not a one-time affair as many take it to be. One has to continue doing them for each day we tend to break the divine law and gather fresh karma. People who wanted to know why they suffered only looked at the remedies dished out but not the cause that was explained to them on the onset. Sadly people go back to their old ways never pursuing the reason and the path. Having had the introduction to karma should we not train ourselves to tread the path of life carefully less we make the same mistakes again and again and end up paying the compound? If karma determines our life path should not we take karma into our own hands rather than create more karma and looking for remedies and solutions later? The Siddhas in revealing our karma mean to teach us to understand how the divine laws work and are executed and with that understanding come to work on repelling or overcoming them standing apart from its hold. Tavayogi did not dish out amulets, magic charms, or quick fixes to those who came seeking solutions. He never wanted to take on others' karma. But he was willing to show them a way to come out of it. But they had to untangle the knot that they did in the very first place. Very few wanted to put in the effort. They seek quick ways and short cuts, painless ways, and means, cheap and quick fixes. Hence they moved on to other venues where a quick means was offered for a hefty price. Remember that there are no quick fixes to man-made problems. He has to set his mind and soul in undoing it. One who breaks the hold of karma is indeed a Siddha.
Having stepped into his original ashram it did not dawn on me until many years later after I picked up the knowledge of the four stages that each of us has to travel on this path, namely Sariyai, Kriyai, Yogam, and Gnanam, that indeed his ashram was built to exemplify these stages externally. It was the perfect setting where a new arrival to the ashram is first fed at the dining hall. Then again many partake in the food and leave. As no one is employed to look after the affairs of ashrams, it strongly relies on volunteers to come forth to run these events would not it be great if the one who is served in turn serves the others who turn up too? This would greatly bring relief to the small band of volunteers on hand to serve at these ashrams. Walking into the kitchen we can help out with the preparation of food, cooking, serving, cleaning up, or any odd job that is given to relieve the workload of other volunteers. It is told that Bhagawan Ramana spends time in the kitchen too apart from sitting on his coach receiving visitors to his ashram. By doing these deeds we get to engage in Sariyai. But these days community service is slowly disappearing. No one helps out with community work, charity, cleaning, and sweeping their homes and neighborhood let alone the temples and ashrams. They are happy to be visitors and to receive blessings by way of standing apart and observing without having to lift a hand in helping with the festivities. A group that has come forward to indeed correct these shortcomings and spearhead in doing these deeds is Thedal Ulla Thenikalai (TUT) with Rakesh and friends based around Chennai. Learn about them at https://tut-temples.blogspot.com/ and follow their activities at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcuexVEmx6Z0EguUgdgSX3Q/featured
Taking a step further up and into Tavayogi's ashram grounds, we find ourselves at the place where rituals are performed daily. Looking around we find a need to gather firewood for the Yagna or Yagam. We get our introductory lesson in identifying the various wood and the other items that are placed into the fire pit. We learn to build a fire pit if there is no permanent one on the premises. Just as we each carry a part of the divine in us as a spark in some and as a growing flame in others, similarly, the expertise we bring home from a Yagam should set aflame the yearning to carry out a similar but smaller Homam in our homes too. But this does not happen as people separate the home and temple/ashram. They keep returning to these centers for such rituals. One who lights the fire in his home indeed has begun his personal journey towards Siddhahood just as one who lights a lamp in his house begins his personal journey of bhakti or devotion to the Almighty.
Walking out of the puja area where we have solely engaged in rituals that invite the deities and Siddhas over to grace and bless us, we venture further in bringing on a sound mind and body through the practice of yoga. If previously the body, mind, and soul were strengthened through undertaking pilgrimages and sitting in rituals, Yoga now strengthens us both inside out. Yoga brings us to embark on a journey within. We are educated on the food that one has to take to remain healthy and have the body constitution at its peak, performing at its peak for the coming of yet another mystical journey and various mystical happenings where a magnificent display of the might of the divine and its performance begins within.
Finally, after all the hectic work put in for the day we wind up sitting in silence at the Dyana Peedham or meditation hall, discharging completely and recharging the essence and energy in readiness for another day's work.
I observed that in establishing the ashram either Tavayogi had taken into consideration each devotee's role or it was the divine will that visitors be allocated a role according to their nature and temperament, for each type of devotee who comes by to his ashram has the opportunity to lend himself/herself with a mission and purpose to his/her visit rather than remain mere spectators. The natives would drop by to help around and spend some time with him, and help out with the cooking and preparation of meals and other chores. Visitors from afar would find themselves walking into a puja and reap the benefits of it. His hope was that they carry out similar puja on a smaller scale once back at their homes. Once Tavayogi even arranged to have devotees light individual fire pits in celebrating the Guru Puja, providing hands-on and guided lessons in lighting the homam. In return, they tend to make a small donation or contribution to the running of the ashram. I remember when a colleague exclaimed, "Wow, it's free stay and free food then at the ashram" when I told her of my plan to visit and stay at Kallar. I reminded her that any ashram, for the matter, that does not generate money, is dependant on handouts and charity to continue to feed visitors like her and me on our visits without having to charge us. It is only fair then that we return the favor by donating towards the cause so that another shall be fed on his visit there just as we were fed with contributions by other devotees before us. Where would they find the means to do so if we do not contribute? When we can book into a hotel and pay for the food why should we expect the ashrams to feed us free of charge? It is our conscientious duty to donate the relevant amount or even more if one could afford to these institutions to carry on the tradition of feeding its devotees and visitors. If we drag our feet to contribute towards food and lodging that are basic necessities how are we to repay for the knowledge, lessons, practices, guidance given, and the experience gained in these venues that go beyond any mode of payment?
Visitors would come regularly with their baggage of troubles and seek a solution from Tavayogi. I would wonder what perception or idea did the public have in their minds of the guru and the ashram? Was it only catered to solve people's daily problems? Tavayogi used to share with me his sadness in seeing people come for solutions to their daily problems, things that according to him can be solved with arivu or some thinking and resolution on their part. They seek his Jeeva Nadi for the same reason too. When initially Agathiyar made his rounds coming through devotees at AVM we were naturally excited. But soon it dawned on me as I feared that we were helping create the same scenario that Tavayogi lamented about. They all came to Agathiyar with their life problems. Sadly none came asking to know the means and the ways to attain Siddhahood like Tavayogi pointed out. We then asked that Agathiyar stop his visitation. He did just that. We were not going to submit our Sadguru Agathiyar to the state of a medicine man, healer, astrologer, etc. We were not going to submit the Maha Guru to answer petty questions related to problems that are man's doing in the very first place. We, just like what Tavayogi wished, wanted people to seek out Agathiyar purely for Gnanam or spiritual wisdom and enlightenment. We wanted them to seek him for ways to arrive at his stature of a Siddha, nothing less.
When several good samaritans came along and offered to purchase a piece of land and build a new ashram/temple/meditation hall, Tavayogi went with the flow and submitted to move. I did ask him if it was necessary to venture into such a massive project as he had always inculcated the idea in us that we must break away from the path of Bhakti and move up the ladder to Gnana when ready. His reply was that that new complex was not for him. Neither was it intended to gain laurels or credit for the venture but to leave something behind for the future generation of seekers who have no knowledge of the Siddhas and yet are keen to begin their new journey. Today I fully see and accept his view in totality. He has seen God. It is time others came to the path, tread the path, walk the journey, learn and experience and travel the Siddha path and way just as numerous others have gone ahead on the journey. He is indeed a Jeevanmukta who comes back to show the way yet walking aloft among society.
Our journey can be summarized in three stages by three wonderful songs. "Yengenggu Sendrom Vanthom Ethu Varai Vaazhvile" was before the start of the journey; coming to the path without the least effort and traveling it without being aware as to where we were heading as in the song "Ariya Payanam"; and finally arriving at the truth as in the verses of "Paarthene".
Today as we settle in the shoes of Tavayogi and look back, we see through the veil and find the truth that has been blocked from our view all this while. We understand fully all that Tavayogi stood for. Tavayogi who has since gone into samadhi, left behind a place to serve, worship, practice, and meditate for legacy. Although the old Kallar Ashram is in ruins today, it shall always live in our hearts. Now the new ashram headed by Mataji Sarojini Ammaiyar after Tavayogi's demise, has many amenities and is well equipped for both the devotee and the traveler, and offers a homestay too for a small fee. This goes towards maintaining the new sheets and hot bath coupled with hot food and peace and serenity that is topped up by Mother nature as a bonus. Speaking about Mother nature, I believe we shall all appreciate the breath and learn to breath better and fuller once this pandemic settles to dust as we have been wearing the facemask for far too long. We shall cherish the freedom given to us too for it has been curbed for far too long too.