We all tend to gather together and travel together even after coming to the spiritual path. Very rarely do you see a man travel alone on the spiritual path. Those who ventured alone brought us great wisdom from the experience that they gained in their lives. We then turn up at their door and take up their teachings and wisdom becoming seekers, aspirants, students, and disciples.
Taking discipleship under both my gurus Supramania Swami and Tavayogi and later Agathiyar they never had me become dependent on them but left me to chart my life while traveling the path. They never wanted to clone me into their image. They never had me fit into their shoes. They indirectly told me to go get my own shoes. And so although I grew under their shadows no restrictions were placed on me. I was given the freedom to explore, make mistakes, and learn from them. They did not push me to fulfill their wishes or take over their missions. They knew pretty well that it had to blossom from within and that I had to chart my own path. They were never possessive over me. They took no control of me. But they were there for me. I could go on. So am I another Tavayogi? Am I another Agathiyan? No. They showed me to the source that is in them and in all of us. If I was Tavayogi or Agathiyan I would have to continue to play their role. This was not what they wanted of me. We have to make a name for ourselves. Guhai Namasivayar of Tiruvannamalai had to drive away his student of many years Guru Namasivayar asking him to take abode in Chidambaram. The latter refused to move away from his guru's shadow. But upon insistence, he agreed to go only if his guru was there to meet him in Chidambaram. Arriving at the temple later he saw his guru in the inner sanctum and stayed put in Chidambaram.
God who is said to be in the heavens was brought into the temples. We are basically Tuesday and Friday Hindus just as Tsem Rinpoche in his book coauthored with Elizabeth Kaze "My Journey in this Life", Kechara Media and Publications, 2021, defines as Sunday Buddhists those in the remote areas of Tibet who lead a nomadic life, tendered to herd, and not too keen on religion. But once the guru comes along he brings us to pave the way for the divine to first step into our homes and later into our hearts. The part of the divine that resides within us and that lost its voice in the wake of our ego showing up, reappears from behind the curtain once the guru shames our ego and takes charge of drawing up our destiny or rather revealing our purpose here. The most excellent episode and a classic example of one who had his ego killed is narrated by Swami Vishnudevananda himself. Swami Vishnudevananda writes on his first encounter with his master Swami Sivananda, in ‘My Years with the Master’ at http://www.sivanandaonline.org.
As if by chance, I had found a piece of paper that intrigued me. One night when I was working late and was searching for a misplaced paper, I found a small pamphlet in the trash basket. It was called ‘SADHANA TATTVA’ and was by Swami Sivananda of Rishikesh. As soon as I read it, my body began to shake. It began with ‘An ounce of practice is worth tons of theory.’ Here was a teacher who was down-to-earth and practical. There was nothing mysterious about his teachings; I felt that I had to meet him for myself. I got a few days leave from the army. I was an arrogant boy on leave from the army. It meant that I had to travel a day and a night from my army base in Jullunder. I would have only a few hours at the Ashram - just to see the Master and then go right back.
The first time I saw Swami Sivananda he was sitting with about 30 or 40 people around him. He looked like an ordinary man among them. The look on his face and manner of speech were simple and straightforward. Each word came from his heart. There was no kind of religious hypocrisy, no sitting on a tiger skin with ashes smeared all over his body. He had an extraordinary spiritual glow.
The second time, I saw him Swami Sivananda was coming up the stairs in my direction. I didn't want to bow my head to him. I was young and arrogant and never wanted to bow my head to anybody -Swami, God-realised soul or whoever, I didn't care. But it is the tradition in India that you should bow your head to a holy man. To avoid the situation I just moved out of his path. The Master saw me and headed in my direction. He asked me who I was and where I was coming from. Then he bowed down and touched my feet! My whole body began to shake violently. With all my heart, with all my life and love, I learned to bow without any type of reservation. He touched my heart not with miracles or shows of holiness, but with his perfect egoless nature. He didn't consider that I was just a stupid boy standing there, though I was just that. He touched my heart and broke the ego. That was my first lesson, and if I could attain one millionth of the state of egolessness of the Master, it is His Grace.
Before leaving, I went down the Ganga where it was the custom of the Ashram to do Aarati (waving of lights) every evening. All the devotees and inmates of the Ashram assembled by the banks of the Ganga to watch Master perform this evening worship. I was sceptical. I was of a scientific temperament and knew that a river is only water, H2O-imagine worshipping H20! But as I stood there and watched Master waving the lights, I saw the river become a mass of flowing lights. At that instant the river assumed a divine flow, a manifestation of the Grace of the Lord. Master turned and looked at me and in my mind I heard his message, “God pervades everything; this too is His Special Form.” This entirely changed my outlook on life.
Ram Dass describes in The Surrender to Consciousness - Ram Dass how Neem Karoli Baba broke his ego or rather he says,
"I didn’t begrudgingly give up my ego. It was as if I came home to the place where I no longer needed it. There was never at any time, a specific contract entered into where they said, “Do you want to stay? Do you want to be trained? Do you want anything?” It just all happened because we all knew it was supposed to happen. They took over my complete life at that point. They took over my food, my clothing, my training; everything. As a Westerner, the concept of surrender had been very unpalatable to me because it was ego surrender and ego meant giving it up to somebody else. It was like a power struggle, and you lost and Maharaji was at the place where there was no other person you were giving up to. ..... everything I did from then on was done with absolute joy. There was nothing they could ask of me that was too hard. It was austerities that were not austere. For the first time, I understood what the concept of a guru was about. You see, a guru is your doorway to God; your doorway to the beyond. .... It’s not just a wise man who can teach you things. A guru is a spiritual vehicle; an entranceway. He’s a pure mirror. He isn’t anybody at all."
Tavayogi too numerous times and in numerous ways did kill my ego. Though it hurt initially I have come to understand that he was breaking me and breaking my hold on things and opinions, my readings, and accumulated bookish knowledge. This knowledge I realized was dangerous and disastrous as it had me question so many things that did not tally with what I read. It made me confused. If left to it I would have ended in an asylum. I am glad that Lord Siva came into my dream and asked me to put off all these questions until another time. Today Agathiyar feeds me with the subjects, the words, and the sentences. He has me write this blog and occasionally gives me memos to share. He has readers drop me a message to begin writing or have them complete what I had started. For instance, a friend who had earlier wanted to know the meaning of the name Tavayogi messaged me again today and the result was the previous post "Of Gurus & Names".
They burn the house down. We have no possessions. We lose our identity, name, and fame. All these now merely are there for the sake of continued existence in this material world. As Ram Dass wrote, "They took over my complete life at that point", this is what happens before a guru. Beyond that, the ego that resides within is not ours but his, for one needs a tiny bit of ego in him to remain sustained in this gross body.