Politicians are seen fighting among themselves for position and authority, and nations are at war, a fight for land and wealth, among other reasons. There is only one place where no fights take place and only peace dwells - the cemetery. Or do they pursue and continue their fight there as well? Desires are the root cause of all our sufferings. Be it position and authority, money or property, or sex, the chase that is on, the thoughts that cause sleepless nights, once attained, are exhausted momentarily only until another round of it comes to take hold of us or another desire crops up. It is never-ending. This is the reason even godly men fall for it at the peak of their fame. To make it to the list of a pure, untainted guru, one has to come several lifetimes until even the slightest desire or thought is extinguished. So, where did it start and when shall it end, if ever? The beginning and the end are always kept a secret, right?
I attended a funeral for a friend and devotee's father some days ago. While the rituals were underway, my friend's 4-year-old daughter walked over to me with a coloring book and a coloring set, drew up a chair, and asked me to color with her. She marked the places I should color, and we had a short conversation going on at the same time. I saw the purity and innocence in her. Neither she nor her older sister knew what was taking place. That is the world of children. They only know when we point it out to them. Then again, they would not understand either. Neither do we adults. How can sight, speech, hearing, touch, and smell be real if they are all interpreted? Whatever these sense organs, the eyes, skin, tongue, and ears, perceive is referred to a ready bank of previous sensations, arriving at us after being cross-referenced with them. Similarly, people's perceptions of distance and time vary too. For instance, time stands still for lovers. However, parents have to juggle their time, as they often struggle to find enough time to complete household chores and daily tasks. So what then is real? If we learn to see afresh, everything shall be seen in its exact form, untainted by the past, right.
During my days of bachelorhood, I was rather confused and doubted if god was truly loving, caring, and compassionate. The doubt arose when those whom I knew were told that it was these very deities whom they worshiped who caused these miseries and their sufferings. Before I could back off from the ritual of puja at home and daily temple visits, Lord Siva himself came in a dream and told me to cool it off. Today I understand pretty well why it was said so. Isn't all this the gods' lila or play? Isn't this his creation, that he sustains and destroys when its purpose is done? The truth was put to us in such a manner that made us angry with them, thinking and asking why they, who are supposed to be our guardians, are up to this mischief. Today, we have come to an understanding, whether we choose to believe or otherwise, that nothing moves without their will and nod, and that we are mere pawns in their hands both before and after accepting them into our lives. It does not mean that once we come to their path, we can decide our future. We are still under their rule, just as before we stepped in. It is just that now they dictate to us rather than our past karma. In recent years he has shown us that all is flawed by the hidden hands of Maya and tells us to carefully sieve through them to arrive at the truth. There is nothing original. Language has evolved, writing has evolved, the soul has evolved, man and creation have evolved, and all this will go on evolving. When they say it's their play, they are asking us to take things lightly and playfully too, not to get attached to it and leave it when required. It is only when we come to the state of acceptance that we truly understand their play and lila. They are bringing us from a state of anger and ignorance to one of acceptance and peace.
Just as my family did not know what I was doing and transpired behind the closed doors of my puja room in the early years of my worship to the Siddhas, these days, towards the end of the journey now, no one knows what transpires behind the closed doors of my bedroom, where I spit out phelm and bile each night. A cleansing is taking place within. Contrary to the common belief that sexual fluids have to be preserved for a higher cause, Agathiyar says this, too, needs to be discharged. I do not know the outcome as yet, and where all this is taking me. But I shall go with the flow. Do we want to be on the receiving end or the giving end? Initially, on the receiving end after being trashed and wounded, we turn towards the light. When we engage with the light, we too begin to give to others, helping them move up the evolutionary ladder. We become Jeevan Muktas.