Leaving behind all that he learned and read, Harilal confronts Abashiktananda, a catholic priest living in a cave in India. Seeing the piles of books that Abashiktananda had with him Harilal questions him of what use was all that?
"All your books, all the time lost in learning different languages. Which language do you converse with the atman?"
He continued, "I also was mad about reading once. Now I read nothing. I don't meditate anymore either. It is the same with japa. At one time I quite naturally made use of all these and with great fervor." Although he shot down all these, he concedes that "Of course reading is not entirely rejected. It is better to read than to daydream or gossip."
Harilal went on explaining.
Of course I used them with my children, and still do on occasion but only for their sake because at their age they need such things. It is rather like the way I join in their games, after all is it not all just play, the lila of the atman, the self?
Harilal says further that "A life of prayers, devotions, and even asceticism all no doubt very satisfying to the little ego is in fact utterly useless." How true. All our actions inflate our ego. I could relate to Harilal's question to Abashiktananda too, "Has the sun set merely because I have closed the shutters?" A temple priest began to advise us to serve the free food we had packed from our individual homes to be distributed to the devotees, only after the curtain is drawn open and the sandhya nitya puja or daily evening puja is done for he tells me only then shall the deity see our contribution towards society.
Abashiktananda was rather taken aback by Harilal's words. He remembered immediately Prof. TMP Mahadevan who was a faithful disciple of Ramana too and his approach. "He had remained completely faithful to his ceremonial duties, often visited temples and offered in them the customary pujas. In his view, one should not give up these outward rites until one has ceased to be aware of duality. As the time of the crossing over approached when worship and prayer become somewhat artificial, and even unnatural then - with the guru's approval of course - one might abstain."
Here is a lesson and learning for us from Harilal too. We now understand why AVM was dissolved. Harilal in speaking about Advaita says to Abashiktananda, "As soon as Advaita is presented as a religion it ceases to be Advaita. The truth has no church. I heard Agathiyar echo these words too, "உண்மையை அறிந்த பின்னர் ஆலயம் எதுர்க்காடா?" AVM too was a tool and a means to arrive at where we stand today. We were told by Agathiyar to wind up and only to pick up the tool when there was a necessity. Then Lord Shiva came to ask us to pick up the tools again during these trying times of the pandemic. It reminds me of Agathiyar telling me that the Siddhas were all him. But they take the names and forms when the need arises.
Harilal continued, "The truth has no need of anyone to help for its propagation. The truth shines with its own light. He who claims to possess the truth, or says that he has received it or that he can hand it on is either stupid or a charlatan."
Harilal then tells Abashiktananda what he needs to do having asked to drop everything. "There is only one thing you need and that is to break the last bonds that are holding you back. You are quite ready for it. Leave off your prayers, your worship, your contemplation of this or that. Realize that you are Tat Tvam Asi - you are that."
We understand from Harilal that rather than calling it an awakening it should be called an unveiling, for he asked Abashiktananda "How could one awaken that which does not sleep and has never fallen asleep?" reminding us that we exist in our sleep too although we are not aware. We do not have any memory of our first moment of this existence. Neither do we have that of our very first existence. We just fit into the shoes at each birth. It is as if we are trying out the shoes all laid out before us. When I pick a particular one, I go for a walk in it till it wears and tears. Then I fit into another and take another long walk this time. As it wears away I try on another but might only walk a short distance in it. And so the chain goes on and on. During each walk, we have a story to tell. We are then a book and this life is but a page from it. It is akin to the stack of Nadi leaves where we are asked to find the one that most accurately describes this current life. Hence my question as to how there exist someone like me in name, even the parent's name matches, the number of siblings tally, my education and career match, even my number of children tallies but my wife's name differs, is answered. That which did not tally might be another birth in the future or one from the past. It is another shoe to be worn later or one that has worn out.
In reading about their meeting and the conversation that pursued, I recount that of mine with Supramania Swami. I had gone to see him for my daughter's horoscope. He was recommended by Deva who drove me around in India. Since Supramania Swami who was his brother-in-law and was into astrology and since we were already in Tiruvannamalai and I had the rest of the day to myself before we make our way to Chennai to catch my flight back to Malaysia the next day, Deva brought me to him. Just as I left my home for India my wife had asked me to seek an astrologer to chart our daughter's horoscope. Then the divine had a hand in all this too. Agathiyar switched Raji the driver I was assigned to with Deva bringing Raji down with a stomach ache the day I arrived in India.
When I alighted from the ambassador Supramania Swami was on hand to usher us as if he had sensed our arrival. But he spoke nothing. Instead he walked away into his house and stood before his altar. He lighted the camphor and passed the flame to me to pay my homage to it. He walked back to the courtyard calling out to his son, asking him to spread his deerskin. His son brought it and placed it on the floor. He asked for all the past years almanacs. Immediately he went into a meditative pose quite similar to what Abashiktananda describes of Harilal. Swami spoke for close to five hours, the whole duration of my stay at his place. I just sat shedding tears of joy. He seemed to know everything. He even knew the contents of my Nadi reading that I had never shared with anyone. He continued to speak about me instead of charting my daughter's horoscope. I was amazed at the turn of events beginning with Agathiyar telling me that I shall meet my guru in the Nadi in 2002 to my meeting my guru in Tiruvannamalai the following year in 2003. Although Agathiyar did not elaborate further about the guru, to have this meeting with my guru materialize and become a reality, my nephew came by with a message from his Paramaguru for me, the Vasudeva mantra, and a painting of Lord Dakshinamurthy much earlier in 2001. Soon I was to learn that the source of this message was from Agathiyar too.
In asking Abashiktananda to tell him about his spiritual experiences, as Abashiktananda made no reply, they both sat opposite each other in silence and remained like that for a long time. When they both opened their eyes, Abashiktananda sensed that Harilal was sent there expressly to give him the news. Harilal tells Abashiktananda "Enter into the guha, the cave of your heart, and there realize that you are", echoing the words of Lord Muruga, Agathiyar, and Ramalinga Adigal. When Harilal ask Abashiktananda to enter the cave of his heart, Abashiktananda replies,
I indeed try to remain there as much as I can. And to be living in a cave on this mountain is for me a most valuable help in that attempt. In this cave where where I am living and still more in the further cave where there is no light at all, where I withdraw for meditation I have been given an indescribable peace and joy.
Harilal then replies "Your rock cave is a dead thing. It has nothing to do with the joy which you say that you feel when you withdraw into it. Rather it is you, in your own depths, who are the supreme peace and joy. It is you who fill your cave with that peace and joy which you yourself essentially are in the cave of your heart. The bliss Ananda of which you experience a kind of echo, are you really so simple-minded as to think that it is this rock that bestows it so generously upon you? You neither give nor receive anything whatever least of all this peace (Shanti) and this joy (Ananda). You are Ananda, and this Ananda cannot even be called Ananda any longer for it cannot be seen or conceived or named it simply is."
He has answered my current dilemma with all the noise around and my yearning for some quietness and silence so that I could begin to meditate.
Just as I left Supramania Swami the sun was setting on his village of Nachanandhal, then too the sun began to set as Abashiktananda led Harilal to the path that led down from the mountain. Just as I only came to know about Supramania Swami's life story on my next visit to India in 2005, Abashiktananda too came to know Harilal's story on their next meeting the following year.
Today as I brought to her attention that I found answers from the book that she had picked up in 2018, my daughter told me the reason why she picked up the book for me. As she flipped through its pages her eyes caught the name Ramana Maharishi. She thought I might want to read it. As she moved over to point to me that particular page, what do you know I was already on that page - page 155. All the above passages are from that page too.
Just as I put in the final touches on this post, my friend and reader from Kerala messaged me after reading the previous post. Her last line is food for thought.
Simply overwhelmed.. now I know the story of hwl poonja more accurately..🙏🏻. Miracles are happening all around us subtley isnt. I feel so. Whomever I befriended in my early years to those who come in contact with me at present _ many of them _ are somehow turning spiritual. Coming into the fold.. we are flowing along a divine river.. some of us are interested in doing pujas etc. Some in theerthayatras. Some are thinking , remembering the father. Truth. Isnt it a miracle..🙏🏻🙏🏻 sometimes I cant believe my luck. Really. Coz, if I didn't have the grace of agathiyar how could I have realised the possibility of god?..🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 so much love we are receivingThese days I'm trying to follow what agathiyar instructed me to do ..I pray to him to help me doing the right thing. ...at present jiddu krishnamurthys words of wisdom helps me a lot. 🙏🏻 the words which I once found dry and nihilistic now make me emotional ! his intensity of desire for others to seek and experience what he experienced makes me tearful. Hmm.. I think appa want me to know about the process of thinking and all that. Then maybe he'll enable me to observe how we think. But whatever and however he help me to better myself in the path, I dont think my wish to see him in flesh will recede 😓😓. Reading your article I was thinking about it. I want to see krishna ( tearfully I read harilals krishna darsan), rama ohh, hanuman and above all appa. agathiyar .. what is the use of knowing the truth or self realisation without a chance to see them? 😓