You will not find doctrines and teachings on these pages. I am also a seeker exploring the path. Starting in the path of temple worship that was introduced by our parents, Agathiyar brought me to seek his path. And so the exploration started in 2002 after my first Nadi reading that was gracefully provided for by Agathiyar. Giving a clear direction he waited for me to see if I complied with what was told. He asked me to come in for another reading only when I was 46 years of age. Meanwhile, I complied with all his directives without hesitation or any doubt. My interest in the path was kindled. I went looking around for anything or anyone who could enrich me on the ways of the Siddhas. The local affiliate of Thavathiru Rengaraja Desigar of Ongkarakudil in Turaiyur that was based in Dengkil passed me CDs on talks by their guru and books published by them. It was the only source of information then besides the small number of books I could manage to find in the bookstores. I made my maiden journey to India visiting the places listed by Agathiyar to carry out my remedies or parikaram the following year. I was blessed to meet my first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai.
As told Agathiyar addressed me again in the Nadi in 2005. This came about through Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal who was visiting Malaysia then. When I told him that Agathiyar had asked me to come to the path in the Nadi reading in 2002, he initiated me into the path together with several others, the same day. He directed me to come often to the local affiliate of his Agathiyar Gnana Peedham to learn the path from the others. But Agathiyar had other plans for me. Tavayogi showed me to a Nadi reader in town. Agathiyar instructed me to get Tavayogi's initiation "again" the same night of the reading! I became his direct disciple foregoing the need to get acquainted with the local peedham. As Tavayogi invited me to his ashram at Kallar and Agathiyar too directed me to spend several days with him, I followed him in his heels without delay. He conducted only simple prayers at his ashram that took only minutes to complete, though we could hear his loud bellows as he did Pranayama behind closed doors in the wee hours of dawn. I had no questions to ask of him. Neither did he sit and preach to me for hours on end. I just observed and learned. It was not an intellectual relationship that I had with him. But mysteriously I did learn many simple things from him. As I had to visit more temples, Tavayogi volunteered to take me. Besides the said temples he took me on an adventure. The journey on the path of the Siddhas officially took flight. If prior to this I was seeking and searching on my own, all the seeking and searching stopped with the coming of Tavayogi.
Much took place after that. Agathiyar came in the form of a bronze statue made to his instructions in 2010. Instead of going over to the Jegathguru Sri Mrithiga Brindavanam Kinta in Ipoh as originally directed, he decided to stay put in my home. We continued with our home puja only that it was now upgraded to include Abhisegam or the ritual of bathing with the arrival of his statue, beside the Homam that we had been doing as directed by Tavayogi. The home puja continued with Agathiyar moved to other homes of devotees who invited him.
In 2013 I made my third pilgrimage to India this time with my family, spending the five days we were there at Kallar Ashram. We regarded the opportunity given by Tavayogi and Mataji to us to lead the puja at their ashram during this occasion of our visit as a certification of our maturity in conducting the Siddha puja that became part of our lives back home.
On returning home, Agathiyar sent over many youths to watch and learn the puja that we carried out at our home. We understood that we were now qualified to teach others this puja and rituals. Our home became Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) to Agathiyar. It was his garden where he came to take a stroll. The Siddhas came on occasions and guided us further in Kriyai. As we branched out to serve food and groceries to the homeless and later the poor and unfortunate, Amudha Surabhi (AS), the charity arm of AVM took shape. Then all the rituals came to a stop just before the advent of the pandemic. Agathiyar said it was enough and to use them if and when necessary. They asked us to pick up from where we left the Yoga asanas and Pranayama techniques taught by Tavayogi and put them into practice. This was taught to the few who remained behind to make the switch to Yogam. When the Siddhas too came to sit in on the meditation and perform their tapas at my place it was given a new name Agathiyar Tapovanam Malaysia (ATM) in recognition of the switch in its role. Soon the Siddhas frequented the place regularly and delivered messages, guidance, and knowledge towards achieving the goal set by them for us. We were given tiny weeny bits and pieces of Gnanam or awareness, and only that much that we could assimilate each time they came. Our home became Gnana Kottam. At the peak of our puja and charity programs, Agathiyar broke everything and asked that we go within. He directed us to move away from Sariyai and Kriyai into Yogam and Gnanam. We took up the tools of Patanjali's Yoga. It was now a journey of exploration of the Self. We had to know our Atma.
The truth of Tavayogi's words and actions dawns on me only now. As I am having these new experiences I can relate to what he said or did then. I can relate to the songs written by our saints now, something that was difficult to comprehend then. I could experience now what was said in the books on Yoga that I failed to see back then when I began doing Yoga reading from these books. It all needs a chemistry to work. Just mere tools won't give the desired results. It needed the touch of the guru. Just as I had tried hard to see Agathiyar open his eyes in his granite statue at Agasthiyampalli since he told me he shall see me there, and failed, it required Tavayogi to throw me his shawl asking me to sit on it. Only then did Agathiyar open - only his left eye. The left eye was engraved in stone open while his right was still shut. He knew that if he were to open both his eyes, I would have doubted that miracle thinking that both his eyes were originally open and that my eyes had deceived me at the start. Then he did the same at our next stop at Papanasam opening both his eyes now and they looked real indeed. That was his Darshan in Light form he tells me later. Tavayogi would move on as if nothing happened why I would gape with my mouth wide and still stand watching. He would call me from a distance to hurry up breaking the joy. The same happened at Palani too. He had to stop for me to catch up on him and my brother. It is rather unusual for he never stopped to look back as he brought me through the jungles earlier. We needed Tavayogi to come again in 2008 and teach us personally Yoga Asanas and Pranayama to see the desired results in a very short time.
That chemistry could also not work in our favor or as we desired but rest assured that it was their desire that was in play. It was for the good of us. When Tavayogi told me I don't need to wear a Rudraksha bead discouraging me while he gave the green light to another devotee, and enquired about the gem-studded ring I was wearing them, he was only making me understand that we should not be dependent on things external forever. He broke the joy of wearing them. When I asked to see Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal, he shot down my desire asking me if that is what I wanted? He killed my desires too. Similarly, Agathiyar who groomed us to move up the ladder of evolution finally dissolved the group too. He wanted us to stand on our own feet, to conduct puja in our own homes with our family members rather than come alone to gather at AVM. He wanted us to take up the tools in these rituals and bring the Siddhas to reside in our homes too, bringing each home to become Agathiyar Vanam rather than look up and towards AVM forever.
Know that a true guru will never dance to our tunes but instead shape, carve and mold us into candidates worthy of their teachings. They shall never pamper us but shall be rude and cruel to us at times. But at the end of the day they shall gift us with the "riches" in the spiritual arena deemed fit for us and that we can possibly shoulder. Then again a disciple should learn to turn them down for otherwise he shall be held captive by these "riches".
I understood that we only understand a thing when we come to that state or stage too, never earlier. The experience puts us in their shoes bringing the right understanding. I am still trying to piece together the pieces of these puzzles. As I understand I share it in these pages. For I too was a seeker then desperately looking for guidance. I know many out there are in the same dilemma. Hopefully, my sharing shall shed some light. I have not come to the end of my journey as yet. The journey within is tough and doesn't come easy as Agathiyar says. We have to battle the many odds and the silent enemies; our flaws and weaknesses that arise as we sit by ourselves. It shall take time for all these to subside and for us to actually go within and experience the inner silence. This is when the Atma shall be revealed to us.