This post is dedicated to all those who were baffled, puzzled, confused, angry, and felt let down at the closure of Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) and its charity arm Amudha Surabhi (AS) in September of 2019. To all of them, I bring my palms together in giving my thanks for coming into my life and teaching me further.
This blog is about the reading, practice, experiences, and learning of an individual trying to grasp the teachings of the Siddhas and trying to live accordingly. Together with my experiences that are very minute, I had brought together the cream of the teachings of my gurus and the Siddhas, whatever little I could comprehend from it. If worship to the pantheon of Hindu Gods and Goddesses was initiated by my parents, I took it from there and performed worship at my bachelor's home together with the practice of yoga picked up from books. Then there was a long break initiated by the divine. I came back into the fold again initiated by the divine. The divine now took me a step nearer bringing me to the worship of the Siddhas. The Siddhas showed me gurus and upagurus who helped fine-tune my worship and yoga practices. They brought others over to my home. The AVM family grew. They had me and others to carry out charity too. Then they had us wind it all up and go within. It was made easy with the coming of the pandemic in a timely manner. The shutters fell on AVM too. Thinking that the years we spent indoors were a waste of precious time, having seen no remarkable results as all activity had ceased, Agathiyar said otherwise, that nothing was wasted. He brought us to the realization that we had learned to drop our hold on many things, including the activities and practices that we had upheld all the years. He made us realize that though there was no visible activity in our lives, subtle changes had begun to take place within us. I guess they are preparing us for the next stage and state. At times I had felt that I have to make my exit. I felt my time here has expired. But I know that it is for him to decide that too.
Although I began Siddha Heartbeat in 2013, I had carried many stories on numerous websites after my return from India in 2003. Prior to that these websites carried my artwork and favorite songs. Looking back now I can divide my journey into several phases. I began on the path of Sariyai with my parents holding my hands. Becoming independent and moving away from the shadows of my parents in 1980, I began to venture on the path of Kriyai and Yogam. With coming to the path of the Siddhas in 2001/2002, they held my hands, and Kriyai and Yogam were perfected. Today I guess we stand on the threshold of Gnanam. What is in store for us? We have yet to find out.
In each of these phases, the divine took recognition of our efforts and conferred on our residence a name appropriate to the activity that we indulged in. If initially, my home was my home, it became to be known as his garden Agathiyar Vanam with his arrival in the form of a statue in 2010 followed by seekers he sent over in 2013. Lord Murugan in 2018 gave it the name Agathiyar Tapovanam as we were at the peak of activities. Later Agathiyar named it Gnana Kottam when we went within. We were overjoyed with this recognition given.
Today we are back at the starting point. My home is my home again. This reminds me of the Koan, "First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is."
During the Tang Dynasty, the Chinese Ch’an [Zen in Japanese] master Qingyuan Weixin famously wrote: “Before I had studied Ch’an for thirty years, I saw mountains as mountains, and rivers as rivers. When I arrived at a more intimate knowledge, I came to the point where I saw that mountains are not mountains, and rivers are not rivers. But now that I have got its very substance, I am at rest. For it’s just that I see mountains once again as mountains, and rivers once again as rivers.” (Source: https://tricycle.org/magazine/first-there-mountain-then-there-no-mountain/)
Swami Vishnudevananda writes on his encounter with his master Swami Sivananda, in "My Years with the Master" at http://www.sivanandaonline.org.
Before leaving (Swami Sivananda's ashram in Rishikesh), I went down the Ganga where it was the custom of the Ashram to do Aarati (waving of lights) every evening. All the devotees and inmates of the Ashram assembled by the banks of the Ganga to watch Master (Swami Sivananda) perform this evening worship. I was sceptical. I was of a scientific temperament and knew that a river is only water, H2O-imagine worshipping H20!!
But as I stood there and watched Master waving the lights, I saw the river become a mass of flowing lights. At that instant the river assumed a divine flow, a manifestation of the Grace of the Lord. Master turned and looked at me and in my mind I heard his message, “God pervades everything; this too is His Special Form.” This entirely changed my outlook on life.
Nothing was lost nor was anything gained. Just as the mountain disappears as we maneuver the ridges and slopes of it, the numerous paths dissolved as we became immersed in the practice and activities. We were the path and the activity. We lost ourselves in it. We became the substance and the essence. As the koan goes, "now that I have got its very substance, I am at rest", today just as we sit back and watch the mountain, bringing back those fond memories and experiences, over a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits, we realize that our outlook and perspective of life have changed forever. We need not tread the same path again.