LOOKING BACK

The past week saw me spending quality time with my grandchildren. Reading a storybook that my granddaughter brought to me, taught me lessons too. It was titled "ABC of Kindness" by Patricia Hegarty" and published by Caterpillar Books. The author lists the ABCs of Kindness as follows: A is all of us. B is believing. C is caring. D is dear ones. E is everyone. F is forgiveness. G is gratefulness. H is hope. K is kindness. L is love. M is making time for others. N is nobody misses the fun. O is others. P is patience. Q is quiet times. R is remembering. S is sharing. T is trying. U is understanding. V is voices heard. W is worries kept at bay. X for kisses. Y for "Yes I can". Z is sleeping peacefully.

I could not wait for Microsoft to roll out the official version of Windows 11 so I enrolled in their insider program and got to upgrade my existing Windows 10 operating system to that of 11 or build 22000.120 co_release on my Acer Aspire laptop without any glitch. I am thankful to them for being part of my journey too, providing the software and hardware respectively. I am thankful to Google to provide this platform too where I remain in touch with all readers of Siddha Heartbeat. When I landed in India for the very first time in 2003 I thanked the pilots and the stewardess of Malaysian Airline System (MAS) and later in 2013, Air Asia who were bidding us farewell at the exit door, for bringing us to lift off and cruise the airways to our destination and bringing us back safely on the ground. I still keep in touch with Deventhiran who chauffeured me in 2003 and again me and my family in 2013 to all the destinations that Agathiyar had planned for us. 

So many people have come together to make our lives easy and pleasurable. But we never acknowledge their roles. Instead, we have slowly become a society that always keeps complaining. As I sat to have my lunch in a restaurant a year back, a man asked if he could join me. He sat to eat. Then he opened up that times were bad and that he was without work the past four months as Malaysia imposed lockdown too following in the footsteps of other countries. I asked him if he had shared the good times he had back then with others. During good and thriving times, they don't tell us how much they make and how lavishly they spent or they lived. But when times are bad they share to total strangers like me over a quick meal that they are making losses. Similarly, people do not share their happiness with others but tell them of their grievances when things turn bad and sour and life goes downhill. Traveling the journey further Agathiyar taught me to be grateful for all that was given and not to ask for more. I am thankful to him for as I look around, many lack this attitude of gratefulness and instead begin to hoard things for themselves. Some go beyond to grab what is rightfully others. 

Just as we need to be grateful, we need to learn to forgive too. Mahin shared a clip that he recorded as he viewed an animation movie on Tv. "Letting go shall give inner peace", he wrote. Po teaches us to forgive in the "Kungfu Panda 2" movie.

It is time we stepped back and took a look at ourselves first. If we are not perfect so how can we expect others to be? Anyway, we are here to make mistakes and learn from them. Making mistakes is acceptable says Agathiyar. Imagine this coming from the Mahamuni whom we consider as God. He could have lifted his hand and banished us to slowly perish in the darkest dungeons for our sins. He could have made us sulk and regret for eternity our doings in the darkest corner of his kingdom. He did neither. Instead, he chose to have us make a comeback to correct our mistakes. He gave us another chance to perform better as the Sarpatta Parambarai requests for a rematch in the movie of the same title. The most compassionate Agathiyar went a step further and above to pardon me for my past mistakes in my second Nadi reading some three years after the first. Why did he not pardon me on the onset of reading the first in 2002? He wanted to test to see if I heeded his words in the Kaanda Nadi that I picked up through a series of questions and answers. When I did heed his words, he came around in the Aasi Nadi to pardon me telling me that he had staged those events and that I needed those experiences too. But before pardoning me he asked that I forgive myself first. Today I have learned to forgive myself and others. I pray that they forgive me too. I pray that Agathiyar forgives all of us too.

As I traveled the path, I came across many or rather many crossed my path from whom I began to learn many a thing. It was as if everything was orchestrated for us to learn. At times it did hurt and at other times I rejoiced. Once scarred we are careful the next time around. The experience is in fact beneficial to us as it gives us an awakening. It awakens us from our deep slumber. But somehow we tend to go back doing what we did and land ourselves in further trouble. These are a result of our past vasanas that come to the fore to take shape however we may try to ignore, suppress, or defeat them. A reader shared Bhagawan Ramana's conversation with a devotee.

Devotee: I am inclined to give up my job and remain always with Sri Bhagavan.

Bhagavan: Bhagavan is always with you, in you. The Self in you is Bhagavan. It is that you should realize.

Devotee: But I feel the urge to give up all attachments and renounce the world as a sannyasin.

Bhagavan: Renunciation does not mean outward divestment of clothes and so on or abandonment of home. True renunciation is the renunciation of desires, passions and attachments.

Devotee: But single-minded devotion to God may not be possible unless one leaves the world.

Bhagavan: No; one who truly renounces actually merges in the world and expands his love to embrace the whole world. It would be more correct to describe the attitude of the devotee as universal love than as abandoning home to don the ochre robe.

Excerpt from "Sri Ramana Maharshi And the Path of Self-knowledge", Arthur Osborne

She wrote,

"Even if we hear or listen to this truth 100 times, people tend to forget the next moment.  Must be  coz it's the hardest  lesson we ve to face. Renunciation of desires  , passions , and attachments... Aiyya, I really want to know one thing _ doesnt action lead to habit and habits lead to vasanas? Then, wont it help to renunciate attachments and desires by abandoning a materialistic life?"

Here is where we are asked to sit in on bhajans and puja to divert us but only a handful actively engages in singing the praise of the Siddhas and God. One person asked why do we need to praise God too. Chanting their names is said to clear our path and bring us to a blissful state, if not an illumined state. Here too is where Agathiyar diverts our attention having us do the homa or yagam telling us that doing it, it shall burn our karma. In times of conducting rituals, we are fully focused on the task on hand. It is a form of meditation staying in the present moment. It is said that one can clear his baggage of karma through meditation. Sadly except for the few who directly engage in these rituals the rest of the participants remain, mere spectators. 

Then here is where we are sent on pilgrimages to clear our minds and seek inner peace. Sadly pilgrimages too have become hectic and chaotic these days. In rushing between temples, never is there a moment to sit in meditation, or to wind up and reflect on our lives. The focus is on placing our never-ending wishes before God. The focus is to carry out the remedies and parikaram that are given to rid one's karma. I too was given a set of parikaram to carry out first like all others. But amazingly Agathiyar created those cherished moments of separateness from the world. This I saw as I entered Lord Nadarajah's sannadhi at Ekambareswar temple. This I saw as I began my climb to Palani. Then it became a common occurrence even as I returned back to my shores. 

On my second trip to India Agathiyar brings me to wind up and reflect on spending some quality time at Tavayogi's ashram and in his caves in the jungles. Amazingly the coast was clear for both the seeker and the object of his seeking to come together face to face. These rare moments were possible by the grace of the gurus.

The source of all man's problems is with him, the decisions he makes, and the actions he puts into place. Sadly anger, jealousy, greed, etc veil his sight and clarity of thought and action and he fails to see the options available. Then he blames everything and everyone else for his failures. Clear thinking will help him check his moves. As this is man's nature the saints of the past have dished out many dos and don'ts for mankind. All these made him a good human being. The journey ended there. All the saints and their sacred texts showed us and brought us to become good men in society. What they did was to describe to us the unknown frontiers and the sounds and sights beyond the world of man. No one showed the journey beyond. None could lead us there. The path and method were sadly trapped in bountiful words and kept hidden within the deep reaches of the pages of these sacred texts. Even after multiple readings one could not deduce, comprehend, decode the message. It was indeed frustrating to even try. Even if he was to decode them he was not assured of the journey and its results. He turns to become a mere pandit or learned, preaching the messages to the masses. It is only one who has tracked the path who could clearly define it. Otherwise, the knowledge has to be revealed rather than learned. If learning brings about knowledge and experience brings about learning, here the knowledge is received. Finally giving up on even the urge to try, it all begins to fall into place. It is not that one becomes a walking encyclopedia but the answers dawn as and when required. 

But all our upholding of great values and virtues never brought us to close in on God or Self realization. However good a person might be it doesn't break the chain of birth and rebirth. If we have done bad deeds we are reborn to pay for them. Similarly, if we have done good deeds we are reborn to reap its benefits. So how do we end this vicious circle and cycle? When others gave us a rundown of the method, Ramalinga Adigal found the way and achieved it. He was not selfish but opened the invitation for others to follow his path just like Agathiyar made the calling for us to come to the path. In telling us that we are not new to him and that he knew us from the many births we took, it makes me asked what when wrong in all these births? Why could not we achieve the means to enlightenment? And here we are again starting with the basics of A, B, C, and Do, Re, Mi. I guess we lack the discipline to pursue the goaĺ. If only we could emulate the athlete and the businessmen who show keenness in their respective fields and thrive for victory, we too should have succeeded in the spiritual path. But the distractions are many and we fall for them postponing the journey till later. But that day never comes around because we become trapped in the pleasures of life and its beauty. For some tragedy brings them out of this daze. For others, a sudden turn of events and deep suffering wakes them up from their slumber. Very seldom do we see a man seeking God out of earnestness to know him. Man in wanting to turn over comes to the spiritual path. But he brings along all the baggage too. He tarnishes that sacred space too. I stood witness to many such grieving moments where the seekers, the aspirant, the devotee, the followers, the disciple too brought grieve and hurt to the masters and gurus through their actions, deeds, and words. Hence I understand why Tavayogi told us that we shall have to wait 12 years before being accepted as a disciple. Hence I understand now why it takes several thousand births to become enlightened even after having lived and breathed the air of spiritualism. As Supramania Swami says we shall polish our ware and as Tavayogi without any fuss tells us it is alright we shall come back to continue from where we left, but till when? When will the end come into view? When shall we see the light at the end of the tunnel literally too? Hence we understand Ramalinga Adigal having sleepless nights crying his heart out, yearning to be wedded to the divine in body, soul, and spirit through his song "இன்று வருமோ நாளைக்கே வருமோ, மற்றென்று வருமோ அறியேனே என் கோவே, துன்று மலவெம்மாயை அற்று வெளிக்குள் வெளி கடந்து சும்மா இருக்கும் சுகம்."

We always thought we had all the answers to all the happenings going around us, in us, in the immediate family, relatives, and expanding to the community, society, and nation. What has taken place the past year and a half has affected the world at large chiefly the human species. Lost for answers we looked up towards Agathiyar, our savior, guru, and God. He too is tight-lipped. He asks that we plead to Lord Shiva himself. Lord Shiva too did not give a promising answer instead chose to tell us that it shall take a long time to subside. We are told we brought it on ourselves. We have to undo the harm. Are we paying for our actions? The Siddhas are known to make a statement and move on, remaining quiet after that. At times they give the reason but much later. Similarly, questions are answered after years. I guess they want us to put on our thinking caps meanwhile. Usually, they come around later to acknowledge our understanding of whatever was said earlier. Hence we realize that the answers dwell within us too. Why has a world that was gifted to us to grow up in and that nourished us with clean water and air, abundant food, fruits, and grains has suddenly turned alien and hostile? It is as if it is getting back at us and that the Gods are just watching silently. Well, the divine laws that are in place are indeed seen to be working efficiently. Sadly everything respects it except for us humans. Man in his arrogance breaks all the rules both divine and manmade. We have chosen to be pretty careful although we know Agathiyar shall care for us. Yes, he shall care for us only if we take the steps to keep danger and harm at bay. If we wreck our body and home and turn to him to repair them that is utter stupidity. If we had the courage to go against these laws we must have the courage to face its consequences too. It is in moments where we slack and let go of our guard that danger strikes. The danger that is forever lurking around chooses the moment when we let down our guards to strike. Animals and plants don't have a choice. The plants are grounded forever and can never move while animals can run away from the danger that they sense. It is the man who has the choice to make wise or foolish decisions, to run or stay, to chose the company of folks or stay away, etc. Whatever he chooses shall determine his future that immediately becomes his present and later his past too. What is time then? What is space for that matter? Space is the coming together of people, things, and events that are executed in and with time. Both are impermanent and ever-changing and moving respectively. Where do we stand then in this ever-fluid state of the world around us and its beings and events? These days he has me sit alone and recap on my life. Here is where I find those precious moments of communicating with the divine, conversing with him, asking for forgiveness, stating my gratefulness, and seeking his grace.