The earliest memories of me are a timid and shy kid. I would never go against the elders taking in all that is said and giving back only a smile. This changed as I joined college where I chanced to read a book in the college library. Though I cannot remember exactly the title and the author of this book that would change my approach to life, it taught me to say "NO". I began to say "NO" since then that has saved me from being entangled in others' problems or ending up victims to circumstances.
I was good at drawing humans and portraits as a kid. Seeing my ability to draw well my class teacher of Malay origin had requested I draw something that represented the Indian community. I drew a couple of posters of classical dancers. I remember as an eight-year-old, carrying the canvas home and carrying the completed paintings with me walking to school. I did not see it again until I went up to the secondary level, I saw my paintings grace the assembly hall of the school. It gave me much joy seeing them hang from the walls.
I drew on the wall of my family home as a kid, depicting the scene where the lady saint Avvai who interacts with Lord Murugan seated on a tree branch learns that all knowledge gained is only tiny weeny compared with what is not known. Later as a teenager, I drew pictures of Gods as murals on the walls of the small temples that my brother-in-law renovated/rebuilt in places he was posted upon requests by the workers from the manual group in the Public Works Department.
If art came easily, reading and learning did not come easily though. Later in secondary, I struggled with Physics, Chemistry, and Additional Maths. After finishing the secondary level, I followed in the footsteps of my brother-in-law enrolling in a Certificate Course in Civil Engineering at a Polytechnic. Landing a job later in a coastal town in the eighties I took up puja in my bachelor home and frequented the temples to pass my time after work. I took to reading books on culture and tradition and later was drawn to religion. All these stopped after 8 years. When I was on the brink of going cuckoo over all the stuff I had read and saw that it did not tally with what was happening in the lives of others, I began to seriously doubt God. I was coincidently transferred back to my Hq bringing an end and a close to this chapter. Even if I had wanted to continue the small room that I and my Muslim colleugue rented in the city did not permit me to do so. There was a 14 year period of hibernation where I only attended to work and the new family that came along. Occasionally I frequented the temples for the sake of my daughters. But even as I had stayed away as told by Lord Shiva, their gaze was always on me. I was called back to the path of devotion in a mysterious series of events. If I had taken up worship of the pantheon of Gods and Goddesses from my parents since young, I was now given my very first mantra that of Vasudeva and asked to worship Lord Shiva in the form of Dhakhanamurthy in preparation to meet my guru. I was asked to observed the Navarathri puja that was days away too. The following year in 2002, the calling came to read the Nadi. The calling came in the Nadi to come to the worship of the Siddhas. This was entirely new to one who only knew the Gods and Goddesses. I took up the calling. As my seeking for guidance from existing movements run in the name of Siddhas was not fruitful, I turn to go solo relying on books and the net. Seeing the lack of information or rather the limited and often repeated mythological stories of them in books and the net, I set to compile a compendium of songs in praise of the Siddhas for my use and other seekers sharing it online.
Seeing my yearning and struggle to know more about him, Agathiyar sent along Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal to initiate me officially into the Siddha path. I followed him to his Kallar Ashram a month after he returned to India. I started to create websites that carried stories of my maiden travel to India. I never realized that it would reach many until I came to receive emails from seekers wanting to know about Tavayogi and his Kallar Ashram. On subsequent trips to Malaysia, he saw to it that we took up rituals and Yoga.
In 2010, Agathiyar arrived as a bronze statue, to our shores. Again he roped in my brother-in-law asking him to provide a place in his Mrithiga Brindavanam that he was to build shortly for Sri Raghavendra. My brother-in-law agreed. But seeing us take up his calling to come to worship of the Siddhas and the 8 years of devotion towards him he gifted himself to us and stayed at my home for good and had another devotee place a statue of his at the Brindavanam.
A seeker from Kerala who had migrated to the USA knocked on the door of Kallar Ashram and was received by Tavayogi and Agathiyar after reading my website indianheartbeat. She came to be known as Jnana Jothiamma later. Surendran knocked on my door after reading my posts too and has since remained faithful to Agathiyar while many others came only to go their ways later. In 2013 many others were sent over after their Nadi readings to learn the Siddha Puja. My home took the name Agathiyar Vanam. The numbers grew. We could then engage in doing charity on a larger scale. Amudha Surabhi was formed for this purpose.
Although the department upgraded us to the Diploma level and I had an interesting career, but after 36 years the urge to leave the service and spent more time with Agathiyar rose in me. I submitted my option papers. Unsure if I had taken the right move, Agathiyar came in the Nadi to acknowledge my move as proper and timely. I retired in 2016. Agathiyar had kept me even busier since then. I was occupied by the periodical puja at AVM and having visitors besides continuing to write, moving away from maintaining the earlier websites to blogging and hosting the YouTube channel.
At the height of our fame and success, Agathiyar broke the group. He had me stay away and cease all prior activities too. Many could not take it though. Neither could they understand the play of Agathiyar. I came to comprehend his play slowly. I am glad for all that has taken place, for he has broken our hold on all things impermanent, a crucial lesson for one on the Siddha path.
He had us go within, carrying out puja in our individual homes. He had us go within, carrying out the Yogic practices that were put on hold for some 8 years. He had a new lesson and curriculum for us now. Agathiyar and Ramalinga Adigal took the class, bringing us closer to know the Atma or Soul. Sadly only a few were keen to take up the calling. Many still are attracted to the world and its enchantment said Agathiyar and added that they shall come around in good time. Meanwhile, he asked the remaining few to march on and not wait for others less we miss the boat.