Agathiyar recently asked me and my wife to hold our wedding ceremony "again". The 60th wedding does not mean that the couple has lived together as husband and wife for 60 years. It is carried out when the man attains the age of 60. So when I told him that I had passed that age and was in my 65th year, he jokingly asked shall we then celebrate the 70th? Later he told me to carry it out this year itself. Returning from my niece's wedding and looking forward to the betrothal of me to my wife again on Guru Purnima as directed, made me research about marriage for my knowledge and that of readers too.
Anuradha Gajaraj-Lopez in a timely manner passed me the PDF version of her book "Tirumanam - Agasthiyar Vazhipaadu". She writes in the introduction to the book,
"Marriage is considered a holy union whose primary purpose is to enable a couple to come together to walk on the path of righteousness together. In doing so, they fulfill many important roles in society. A couple living in harmony bring peace and love to their extended family and community. Their home becomes a welcoming place for near and dear ones. They contribute to the welfare of the larger community by their righteous attitude and actions. And most importantly they fulfil the most important responsibility given to them by God. They allow the souls waiting to reincarnate, so that they may fulfill their purpose in life as well. At the time of conception, souls waiting to reincarnate are attracted to the vibrations of the couple through whom their karmic destiny can be fulfilled to a larger extent. A couple then have a God given responsibility to create good vibrations to attract similar souls that can help balance the vibrations on earth. We need more 'good' souls to set right the balance, now."
Agathiyar in coming to us said the same too, asking us to be good role models. He asked that we could reprimand the kids but not beat or hurt them. He asked that we do not lay laws that hurt them telling us that he and they are one. He tells us that these children have cleansed their very first Karma or Adhi Karma answering my query if Karma was the triggering factor for taking births what was the very first Karma we did that initiated taking a birth. It is very likely that these children are here for the very last time to realize God and leave never to return. Indeed watching these children absorb and grow, I tend to see a reversal in the roles where it is us who need to learn from them. I am learning from my grandchildren these days.
We know of a couple who Agathiyar reveals have been husband and wife in seven consecutive births. Agathiyar tells us that my wife, daughter, and I were together in a past birth in Papanasam. When my daughter fell in love, we carried out her marriage without seeking to match their horoscopes, nor wanting to know if they were compatible. The priests at the neighborhood temple whom I consulted to know the good times to carry out the numerous rituals and events told me three things when I told him that I was not there to compare their horoscopes but to know these times. Firstly, he said what was important in a marriage was that both their hearts should match as in "Mana Porutham" that favors each other. Secondly, it is past Karma that unites these souls in matrimony. Finally, he said to leave it to God and not worry about the outcome. Seeing his stature and likeness to that of Agathiyar, his words rang as those of Agathiyar in my ears.
Agathiyar went to the extent of educating a couple on the intimacies of making love with the intent of having a progeny. Tirumular too has spoken about this in his Tirumantiram. Though I intended to leave the room then, he had me sit with them and listen in. Now I understand why he did that for the techniques helped me and my wife bring down the barrier between us too, bringing us even closer.
The seven steps the couple takes walking around the lit fire in Hindu marriages is considered taking vows with the fire element or Agathiyar as a witness.
Anuradha Gajaraj-Lopez explains the significance of these rituals. Briefly, it goes as follows.
- The first circumambulation around the fire is to vow "to take care of their welfare and bring happiness to the family."
- The second is "a prayer to God to give them the strength to fulfill their dharma as householders."
- The third is "a promise to take care of the material aspects of family life."
- In the fourth step around the holy fire, "the couple promises to be faithful to each other."
- The fifth is "a prayer to beget noble children."
- In the sixth, "the groom asks if she will remain with him forever?" and finally,
- Taking the 7th step, the couple "accept each other as husband and wife and promise to remain eternal companions."
I thank Anuradha Gajaraj-Lopez for passing me the PDF version of the book in a timely manner so that we could read and aspire to fulfill the needs of a householder according to the Siddhas.
My brother A Kathiresen who had released numerous booklets under his "Wisdom Library" series, released yet another, this time on "The Hindu Marriage" to coincide with his son's wedding sometime back. He writes,
"Marriage is not about two individuals coming together but about two families and their relatives coming together. While the primary purpose of marriage is procreation and continuance of the family lineage, in Hindu culture it is also to uphold the social order and to remind one of the final goal of spiritual union with God or Self-realization. The Hindu couple is expected to enjoy physical and emotional intimacy but with the underlying understanding that the joy arising from their union is but a reflection of the permanent bliss of union with Siva, sometimes also described as the unitive consciousness of God."
He quotes Swami Chidananda:
"Marriage is a sacred spiritual partnership between two souls who have come upon this earth to evolve an ideal life of nobility, virtue, and dharma and attain their goal of divine perfection through such an ideal life."
A Kathiresen writes further,
"Central to the sacredness of the wedding ceremony are the chants and prayers that are recited. These implore God, the deities, the sages, and nature to shower the couple with health, wealth, and happiness. Importantly, these serve to invoke the presence of God and nature to witness the union of the mortal couple with Agni, the fire God, as the main witness and recipient of the offerings made."
Indeed if we are blind to the presence of these energies, Tavayogi who came for my daughter's wedding told me the Siddhas had come down to bless the couple. Their presence was shown to Mataji later when we gathered at AVM to carry out a homam or lighting the sacrificial fire and singing the praises of the Siddhas. Agathiyar in the Jeeva Nadi reading read by Tavayogi for a devotee explained the intense earth-shattering vibration that only Mataji felt during the Siddha puja was indeed due to the heavy presence of the Siddhas. Agathiyar told us in the Nadi reading for the AVM family moments after this puja that Lord Ganapathy or Gajamugan as he addressed him, coming through Tavayogi had conducted the puja that day.
A Kathiresen continues, "In Hinduism, even the gods marry. In fact, many temples hold annual events to celebrate the union of the god and the goddess, with priests conducting the marriage." When Agathiyar left AVM in June of last year for the home of another devotee, he had the host purchase a bronze statue of Lobama to accompany his statue that we had worshiped at AVM. He had us carry out the wedding ceremony for them known as "Tiru Kalyanam". When someone brought up the matter of having more than one spouse, Agathiyar jokingly told him to ask Lord Murugan.
When Agathiyar stood before Lord Siva having accomplished his austerities, Tapas and Tavam, Siva told him that there was one more task remaining that Agathiyar had to do. Agathiyar was asked to marry. Only then shall he be complete, said Siva. Agathiyar subsequently married Lobama.
The Ashramas and Purusharthas have deeply carved a place in Hinduism. Man walks through the four stages of Brahmachariam, Grihasthiam, Vanaprasthiam, and Sannyasam which coincides with the four aims in life that are: carrying out righteous acts or Aram and upholding Dharma or noble virtues; then gathering Porul or Artha for his sustenance; engaging in Kamam when married and gaining Inbam as in raising a family and finally seeking Veedu or Moksha leading to a contented and meaningful life.
Love for another soon leads to love for the creator or God. The saints reached this state of union with God. G Valmikanathan in his book "Makers of Indian Literature - Ramalingam", published by Sahitya Akademi (e-book at http://www.vallalar.org) writes of this last phase as that of sheer delight, and of mounting bliss.
"The pilgrim, in this part of his journey, begins to walk fast, then breaks into a loping trot, finally, gallops on with increasing tempo towards the beckoning smile and the outstretched arms, and is soon locked in an eternal embrace with the beloved, the eternal being, the Godhead, the ground of all being."
Henry Wei in his book "The Guiding Light of Lao Tzu, Synergy Books International, writes,
The mystic union is said to be entirely personal and could not be communicated from one person to another. In other words the mystic union is something extremely mysterious. It may be called the mystery of mysteries. It is perhaps the most mysterious feature of mystic meditation.... Mystic union represents the unique experience stemming from "the flight of the alone to the Alone" as the famous mystic Plotinus has so well expressed. Unfortunately it cannot be easily attained much less isolated and measured and experimented upon in the laboratory. Its actuality is entirely based on the experience and confession of the mystic themselves who were completely convinced of its authenticity. By all reports the mystic or divine union is an exceedingly exhilarating experience, superior in joy and sweetness to all other human experiences. Those who have experienced mystic union feel that they are blessed with the esctatic consciousness of ultimate reality and consequently consider all else as secondary and unnecessary even vain and empty.
Henry Wei quotes Rabindranath Tagore on this mystic union, "The Paramatman, the supreme soul, has himself chosen this soul of ours as his bride and the marriage has been completed."
Ramalinga Adigal composes a beautiful song about how his Lord had told him to prepare for this bridal marriage or mystic union an hour before the event takes place.
1. மணம்புரி கடிகை இரண்டரை எனும் ஓர்
வரையுள தாதலால் மகனே
எணம்புரிந் துழலேல் சவுளம்ஆ தியசெய்
தெழில்உறு மங்கலம் புனைந்தே
குணம்புரிந் தெமது மகன் எனும் குறிப்பைக்
கோலத்தால் காட்டுக எனவே
வணம்புரி மணிமா மன்றில் என் தந்தை
வாய் மலர்ந் தருளினர் மகிழ்ந்தே.
Read more at http://www.thiruarutpa.org/thirumurai/v/T338/tm/peerataivu
G Vanmikanathan in his "Pathway to God Trod By Saint Ramalingar" writes, "In intimate terms of bridal mysticism our Swaamikal pleads for union." Elsewhere he sings “This is the moment, this is the right moment for uniting with me”
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, in answer to Naren’s impertinent question, is said to have replied that he has not only seen God but can show Him to Naren too. Centuries earlier Maanikkavaachakar said the same to all of us Narens, and Raamalinga Swaamikal, a contemporary of Raamakrishna Paramahamsa, says the same to all of us in the revelations of the most secret of all secret experiences. We have only to fulfill three conditions to gain the same experience. We have to be, in the words of Aldous Huxley, “loving, pure in heart, and poor in spirit”. It seems to be delusively simple to fulfil these three conditions, but when we begin to meditate on the depth of their meaning we are seized with despair and we begin to feel that not only this present life of ours but many more lives to come will not be enough for us to succeed in gaining these three qualities in their fulness. But we need not despair, for God, in His mercy, offers us several chances to fulfill these requirements to apprehend Him.
P V Jagadisa Ayyar in his book "South Indian Customs" writes,
"It is laid down in the Hindu Dharma Sastras that the ceremonials observed by a husband without the cooperation of his wife would be null and void." I am blessed that my wife and children were with me at all moments and we as a family could carry out the Siddha puja to God's contentment.
In the book "Nayana, A Biography of Kavyakantha Vasistha Ganapati Muni" (from the original Telugu texts by Gunturu Lakshmikantam), Dr G Krishna says Ganapati Muni had described his wife as a Tapa Sakhi, meaning comrade in Tapas just as Arundhati was the Tapa Sakhi of Vasistha and so were the wives of many of the rishis. Ganapati Muni advised that women should not be barred from any spiritual or religious chores when it was prevalent at that time that women were not considered fit to worship Agni, study the Vedas, and recite Vedic Mantra and were denied the benefits of Upanayana. Ganapati Muni himself used to initiate women into Mantra Japa. Many were the women who were initiated into Gayathri Vidhya, which was considered exclusive to men. Visalakshi, wife of Ganapati Muni took to the worship of Agni whenever Ganapati Muni was out of station.
“Visalakshi paid equal attention to house-keeping and Mantra upasana. Ganapati did not share the belief that a woman was the source of sin and Maya. The study of scriptures had convinced him that the ancient rishis had practiced austerity and attained self-realization without giving up family life and responsibilities. Women were not treated as objects of pleasure by our ancient rishis. They were as qualified as men to discharge spiritual responsibilities. The ancient rishis by their exemplary behavior became spiritual preceptors to their wives and helped to establish a well ordered society. They never considered their wives as hindrances to Tapas.”
P V Jagadisa Ayyar nails the peg in.
"A man by himself is considered to be an imperfect being lacking that which is found in the other sex. Experts in Yoga opine that for the vivifying of certain centers in the human body forces from both sexes, male and female should be utilized."
My joy was short-lived when sadly the horrors of caste and segregation, custom, and tradition in the movie "Namma Gramam" had me sit back and watch in a state of shock and disbelief. I have yet to watch it till the end, as it was rather a difficult movie to watch.