Just as a bear hibernates when it finds the cold weather set in and food is lacking, several householders in the homes that were served packed food in the past under our charity arm Amudha Surabhi told us that when there is no food they put their children and grandchildren to sleep early, however painful it might be, skipping the need to having to feed them. We were shocked. Then we began to realize that we are blessed if we have food on our table. We saw several others sick and bedridden on our rounds. It made us realize that the greatest gift is that of good health. Then we came across broken families and the stories of turmoil in their homes. This made us realize that it is a blessing to have peace of mind. Blessed are those who have all three. The rest can be earned.
It hurt me to see my friends and relatives suffer in the past. I was then in my twenties and did not understand why it had to happen. I asked myself why should the very deity they worshipped cause them so much suffering. I could not comprehend nor understand the maths in it. The many spiritual books I read and the many religious talks I heard from visiting holy men who appeared in the temples I frequented, portrayed the divine as being the most compassionate. But it was not happening before me. The reverse was taking place. It looked like God was punishing them, even the closest of his children. Though so many questions cropped up I carried on with my daily worship of the deities in my bachelor home. But soon these questions began to suffocate me. That is when Lord Shiva came to my rescue. He came in a dream and told me to drop all the questions I had for a later time. I did just that. I even stopped all forms of worship be it at home or in the temples. I stopped reading too.
It was a period of hibernation. Without realizing 14 years went by before Agathiyar knocked on my door through my nephew. My nephew was assigned by his Paramaguru Gopal Pillai to deliver the message from Agathiyar to me. Though my nephew did not reveal the source then, I only came to know many years on when he spoke about that mysterious happening that Saturday afternoon in 2001. I was given the Vasudeva mantra to recite that day, and a painting of Lord Dhakshanmurti to worship several days later. Hence I began the chant and the worship immediately. A new chapter in my life began to unfold. A year later I read the Nadi. Agathiyar spoke to me in the Nadi. He asked me to come to his path. I took up the calling. In revealing my past Agathiyar drew the curtain aside and made me realize that there was such a thing as karma and that our birth and present life was a result of it. I began to dwell further into the subject. I understood why my friends and relatives suffered back then. All my questions were answered. With the coming of Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal as my guru, I began to understand more whenever I sat in his presence as he addressed the many seekers who came with problems. Tavayogi would spell out the reason for all our sufferings as due to our karma to all those who sought to know why they suffered. If they wanted a solution, he would neither advise nor turn to treat them but point them to the Siddhas and their Nadi. He would advocate the worship of the Siddhas and ask them to come to the path. He would never dish out solutions, remedies, or treat and heal others. In later years Tavayogi told me not to touch on others' karma. When I had many seekers shown to my place, some asked me that as they were already worshipping the Siddhas, why hasn't their fate changed for the better? That shook the very basement and foundation of all the promises that I had dished out following in the footsteps of Tavayogi. This brought me to square one knocking me off my seat. And I thought I had understood the workings of karma!
Recently coming to us after his demise, Tavayogi said the same and asked to let it be when I asked him to bring others to the path too. He said, "No, they should come voluntarily." He went on to explain that many Atma came to live out their desires. Hence it would be wrong to intervene. Let them exhaust their worldly desires and after seeking these pleasures they will come to realize the futileness of hanging on to these seemingly fleeting desires and turn their sight on something that is lasting. He defines the former being Sitrinbam and the latter being Perinbam. He added that if the desires are not exhausted by experiencing them they shall come back to haunt them following them as a shadow does. They shall need to live it later or come back to settle it in another birth. He answered my doubt and that of many as to why the Siddhas who are known to turn one's fate around never touch the lives of others. I guess they want to see them live through these sufferings and make an early exit from hell and come to them eventually. But how do we tell them this right in their face? How can we ask them to bear the sorrow and pain much longer?
Tavayogi told me that life has to be lived and not understood as we shall never understand the maths behind it. The many revelations that I came across in 2011 in Velayudham Karthigeyan Aiya's blog, Siththan Arul that Agathiyar shared with the Nadi reader the late Hanumathdasan Aiya, was indeed an eye-opener. It was a portal to the other world, the world of causes, that engaged us in awe to the many seemingly mystical or the suksma or subtle aspects of present-day events and happenings. In short, we can never comprehend the play. Neither do we have the insight to look beyond the past, present, and future. Just as Kunjali Marakkar in the film "Marakkar" mistakes Anandan as having killed Chinnali from the spot he stood and watched, our perspective of things is limited by our vision, the light source, the angle, and venue we look from. Only the Siddhas see through the play.