All the books and reading do not replace the guru. This blog too does not replace a living guru. All these are guides to begin for a start. I too went through these phases putting in much effort learning from books in the past but realized that one needs to come under the direct supervision of a guru after some time. I was blessed to have two gurus. Coming to the guru he shall perfect and finetune the methods and practice so that we see results. Above and beyond this, the guru shall show the way to remove one's karma that stands in the way between our practice and its benefits. I did not know that my karma stood in my way till Agathiyar revealed it in my first Nadi reading. Similarly, I did not know I had earned the curses of elders in my past life until Agathiyar told me in the same Nadi reading. He gave me remedies to be carried out to counter them. Similarly, the initiation into a mantra and the touch of the guru shall remove the unseen and unknown "blockages" within us so that we shall reap the full benefit of our practice. I did not know that I had blockages until I was passed the Vasudeva mantra mysteriously that I came to know later clears these blockages. Just as my first guru Supramania Swami told me that our efforts shall not go to waste, the Siddhas came to aid me to remove all the obstacles so that I could enjoy the fruits of my efforts.
I was introduced to a list of names of the Siddhas recited by Nadi Nool Aasan Senthilkumar during a Siddha puja he conducted for me after he read my Kaanda Nadi for the very first time back then in 2002. I then began to explore the names listed in the small booklet he passed me for keeps after he had recited from it. It was published by Agathiyar Gnana Peedham Kallar. I never knew then that I would later come to take its patron Thaaiveedu Thangarasan as my guru. I wanted to know who these Siddhas were and if that list was final. I came across many other editions carrying many more names. One had as many as 700 plus names that also included nature, the planets and the stars, the numerous deities, etc. I recited them all. Not satisfied with just reciting the names of the Siddhas, I included more songs of praise to them that I came across in books and the net. And so I came to compile a compendium of songs in praise of the Siddhas that I used in my home puja. Later this compilation made its way into the homes of other seekers as they brought it back home. Songs from this book of prayers were also sung before Agathiyar in temples.
There was a time when we sat for some 2 hours doing an elaborate puja for the Siddhas at my home that consisted of three portions namely the lighting of the sacrificial fire, the libation of Agathiyar's statue and finally singing the songs of praise and chanting the mantras. Then the rituals were reduced to some 45 minutes, with the first 15 minutes lighting the Homam or lighting the fire pit, the second 15 minutes in conducting the abhisegam or bathing his statue, and lastly adorning him. As his energy mounted in his statue, in my home and in us the singing came to a halt. The chanting of mantras too came to a stop on its own. We could not go on even if we wanted. We just wanted to sit quietly. We were surprised at the changes that took place in our model and approach to puja. Puja that took hours came to be concluded within minutes. The external verbalization of mantras dropped but went on within on its own. The singing of the praise of Siddhas dropped on its own accord as we were drawn to sit in silence. From not knowing anything about the worship of the Siddhas, we came to know about it and put it into practice. Then that practice too was dropped. Similarly when Tavayogi came by and taught us asanas and pranayama we learned and picked it up. This too was dropped only to retain a number of it. So was it with charity. We went all the way out to serve the needy for several years before we were asked to drop it too. After gaining the knowledge, benefits and experience, or in other words, having taken the gist or substance of it we were told to drop the action.
Mahindren observed a pattern here that I missed seeing. Just as in our search for materialistic gains we collect trophies and awards, certificates and appraisals, etc the service-orientated activities and religious and spiritual practice we engaged in brought us much recognition and praise. Then Agathiyar commanded that I pull the shutters down on Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) and drop my association with its many associated groups. I was asked to stay away from the charity programs, drop the puja, rituals, chanting and singing, and drop the yoga practice too as if condoning all the earlier changes that took place. He officially brought the shutters down on everything. In asking to drop everything we did and go within instead I saw no spectacular nor noticeable changes in me the past two years of doing so. I thought I had failed and wasted the time. But Agathiyar echoing Supramania Swami's words that our efforts do not go to waste, says it was not wasted. Mahin made me realize later that the whole idea was to drop everything, which I had unknowingly done, and remain empty and void. How foolish was I to think of collecting tokens and merits. He knocked sense in me.
During the years spearheading the AVM group, I saw people from all walks of life or rather who had various notions of the Siddhas come by. Beginning from 2002, making headway in the worship and praise of the Siddhas with the coming of Agathiyar as a statue in 2010, and when AVM was at its peak in the year 2013, many were shown to AVM. If many held to him equally otherd seem to be mere spectators to rituals and practices as we see in the temples. It was a time of fair and gala where many as in amusement parks or in gardens spend their time in recreation, gathered to feast their eyes on Agathiyar. We conducted the fest for Agathiyar in a big way too.
I could not fail but notice that some husbands stayed in their cars while their wives joined the prayers. Some dropped off their families to pick them up later. In the initial years of my coming to the worship of the Siddhas, I left my family out. I would lock myself in the prayer room. Then Tavayogi told me to bring the family too to the worship. Somehow the womenfolk are more inclined towards devotion than men but why are there more men saints than women then? It is because the women though much religious and spiritual can only spend a moment towards devotion as they need to run the household. In some cultures, they even tend to the cattle and horse and do the manual work that men do. Agathiyar says that tending to the needs of the family is sufficient for women to gain the merits that come with tapas.
My expectation that those who gathered pick up the practice and carry them out in their homes and with their families did not entirely materialize. Today I understand that their homes might not be conducive to hosting such pujas if others in the family were not receptive to it. Hence they might have sought venues available for the worship of the Siddhas. I guess some have to see the sufferings of others to break their heart, or melt their hearts. So did Agathiyar bring us to do service. But only some came by. I was sad that while some chose to stay away, others left for greener pastures. I understand today from Tavayogi that one has to live out his desires. Karma has to take its course. This understanding came my way when I requested that he bring them to the path. Tavayogi very clearly spelled it out, "Some take a birth merely to see through their worldly desires and yearnings. They need to fulfill these. Let them be. Otherwise, the karma shall follow till it is exhausted."
சில மனிதர்களின் பிறப்பு அவர் இச்சைகாக, ஆசைக்காக. அவன் ஆசைகாகப் பிறந்தான். ஆசையில் திளைத்து விட்டு முடித்து விடுவான். அவன் போக்கில் விட்டு விடு. இல்லாவிட்டால் வினை தொடர்ந்து கொண்டே வரும்.
In 2018, my home took on a new name given by Lord Murugan, Agathiyar Tapovanam Malaysia in view of our hold on Agathiyar. The following year, all the festivities came to an abrupt stop and it was time to work on our breath and Yoga. The switch was towards educating us on the mysteries of life. We took on another name Gnana Kottam. But what is in a name if we do not adhere to their teachings, right? A handful stayed back to learn Yoga and the mysteries of life as it was disclosed directly by the Siddhas.
If I had failed in bringing the others to remain in the path, Swami Haridos did a spectacular move in bringing everyone to participate in his bhajan. The Swami is known to insert his preachings and teachings while conducting bhajans. As my colleagues and I headed to the house of a devotee in Petaling Jaya who hosted his stay while in Malaysia many years ago, Swami Haridos came out of the house and stepped into the car to be driven away. All we got to see of him that day was a wave of his hand as he saw us alight from our car. But fate had it that I should see him again. When I was in Sungai Petani over the weekend word got around that he was to give a talk at a temple. I went over to listen to him. Seeing the audience sit passively while he rendered his songs, he asked us to join in the bhajan. Nothing happened. No one responded. Finally, he said, "அது ஒன்னும் இல்லை. அவர்கள் தோளில் ஏதோ ஒன்று அமர்ந்து இருக்கிறது. அதனால்தான் அவர்களால் கைகளை உயர்த்த இயலவில்லை." He implied that there was something sitting on our shoulders that prevented us from raising our hands in joy and singing. You should have seen the look on the faces of all those gathered then and their immediate response to that statement. They looked around them and at others and slowly lifted their arms and hands and clapped and sang to the rhythm and melody. What a strategy the Swami used to get everyone involved in singing with him.