WALKING ALONE

Going over to meet my friendly neighborhood Siddha physician yesterday to collect my second installment of herbal medicine that Agathiyar had asked me to take in liew of the changes that according to him was taking place within, and speaking to the former, I learned a lesson that we are here only to sow and move on without looking back to see if the seeds have germinate. Pondering over what we had talked for an hour or so later, I came to realize that I, who had all this while carried no ambition, desire or wishes, and pushed away all the gifts that Agathiyar wanted to confer on me, had been carrying the desires and wishes of Agathiyar and Tavayogi to see many come to the fold and flourish too, all this while. 

Most of us need someone to organize an event, whether a puja or running charity programs. We prefer to attend rather than spearhead these tasks, which would need our time, effort, and money. Those truly dedicated to the cause who do not wait for another but initiate these are the beacons that shine forever. Seeing many come and go, I had initially carried anger and frustration as they opted to leave the path. I started taking the blame for my failure to lure and keep them on track. But after reading J. Krishnamurthi's thoughts and speeches and talks, I understood that it was a pathless path, that there was no path. Indeed, each is a unique journey that does not have a parallel to compare notes with. I fully understand now why Agathiyar wound up AVM and had me walk solo. Krishnamurthi did the same, too. As long as we are engaged in work, be it for our earthly existence or others, or work in the spiritual sphere, we are feeding our Ego. As my wife said, we were getting high on it; it is in letting go and doing nothing that the ego is shed, and we "arrive" home. 

From https://awakentheworld.com/the_pathless_path/, we come across these beautiful statements and truths.

• The ancient mystics, yogis and seers have said that everything is primordial awareness, or non-dual consciousness which is simultaneously emptiness and form (all that is)....

• In Vedanta it is called turiya, the fourth state, the ground of your existence.  It is always aware and yet is not separate from what is observed.... 

• Do not seek enlightenment or extraordinary states of being, since all seeking is the activity of the ego. 

• The path is a stripping away of illusion, a letting go of identification with a limited self, so that one wakes up exactly where one is.... 

Agathiyar, as usual, has steered us away from the numerous traps laid out there. It was time I let go of my purpose, and that, that both Agathiyar and Tavayogi envisioned, as I did all the rest too. If I had learned to drop many things in my life, now I need to drop even the purpose. Only then would I truly exist in awareness, not doing something nor interfering. I think I have understood life, at least for now, for we know Agathiyar is fond of throwing surprises.

ARE WE READY?

The Siddhas do not do magic but assist us by all means to see our desires fulfilled. For this to take effect, they approach Lord Siva to permit them to help humanity. Hence, though the other saviors never want to mend things, telling us that all is well and is God's doing, the Siddhas came forward to change God's will and play. Agathiyar is said to have pleaded to Lord Brahma to change people's fate. But at times, they too are helpless. So too did he tell my wife that he would request an audience with Lord Siva to see if they could fulfill my wife's request to bring an end to her mother's sufferings. Later, he tells us that she has to go through what was fated and written for reasons only known to them. When a mother carried her dead son to Shirdi Sai, asking him to bring him to life, he refused. Later, his followers asked him the reason. He told them that the soul had already taken birth elsewhere. Imagine what would happen to the newborn if he were to give life to the child before him. When someone performed before Bhagawan Ramana, he praised the performer's performance. At another moment, when another wanted to do the same, Bhagawan Ramana told him to go do something useful. The followers were confused. Similarly, when a devotee who stayed back after the Purnami puja asked Tavayogi if he could wear the Rudraksha bead on him, he gave him the green light. Immediately after he left, Tavayogi turned to me and told me that we do not need it. What is meant for one might not apply to another. So what is written in this post might not sync with many, but only one who desperately needs to know now. For others, it would remain a story. No two people shall travel the same path. Family and friends, too, shall not travel with us. Each travels a path that is customized to his needs for that moment and governed by his own experiences. Contrary to the common belief that Siddhas only perform Siddhis, they are here to bring a revolution within us, helping us peel the "multiverse" that we have created and covered our true self, or Atma, with. The question is, are we ready for this adventure?

BUILDING THE FOUNDATION

Looking at the chronology of events and experiences that have led to this moment, I am glad and grateful to the pantheon of Gods and Goddesses shown to us through images, paintings and statues; the many forms that the divine takes to come to us both physically and through other subtle means; and the many teachings, practices and tools that came our way and the divine energies and Prapanjam shown to us as existing in nature, around us and within us.

I am grateful to the Chinese deities who saved my life as an infant. Since my parents had lost two children earlier to diarrhea, instead they took me this time around to the Chinese medium, who was a neighbor. I am grateful to my parents for showing me the path of Sariyai that includes home puja besides temple puja, and for all the Purana stories my parents told us. I am grateful to the Ceylonese family in our neighborhood whose kids used to drag me along to attend Thevaram classes conducted by an elderly man of Ceylonese origin, where I heard more stories from the Puranas. I am grateful to have attended the missionary school during my school days, where I spent my time at the chapel listening to stories from the Bible, and later subscribed to and received lessons on Christianity through the mail from a church in Singapore. I am grateful to the teachers at the Buddhist Vihara in our neighborhood, where I attended Sunday classes and heard stories of the Buddha's journey and teachings. I am grateful to the Muslim gardener of Pakistani origin at my college who used to travel with me on the bus and share stories from his sacred texts and later from Muslim colleagues and friends in my office. Armed with these assets, I began my journey, which initially started as an urge to know more about our customs, traditions, beliefs, and religion, and why we were doing things the way we did. Besides reading a lot, I took up personal puja both at dawn and dusk in my bachelor's home after I started my working career at twenty years of age. Eight years on, Lord Siva in a dream asked that I keep my questions to a later date, as I became disillusioned with the sacred texts describing God as loving and compassionate, while what I saw in the lives of relatives and friends was only misery, suffering, and tragedy. 

The thirteen-year pause and break that Lord Siva directed me to take came to an end in 2001, as the time was right to summon me back on track. The divine energies used their existing networks and, coming through and using my nephew as a tool, delivered a Mantra initiation. That mantra, besides clearing the knots within, prepared me to meet my guru, which I did a year later. Using my colleague as a tool to initiate the move to see the Nadi in 2002, Agathiyar, using me and my Karma as a module, explained all the doubts that I had previously questioned, including the injustice meted out by God to his devotees. He called me to the worship of the Siddhas. Using my wife as a tool to suggest that I draw up a horoscope chart for my second daughter during my maiden pilgrimage to India, he brought me to my very first guru, Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai, an astrologer, the following year. Giving me a leaflet much earlier in 2002 that carried the name of Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal, he brought me to meet him in 2005. Tavayogi takes me in as his student. The journey began to unfold in all its beauty under the shadows of Supramania Swami and Tavayogi. If the former left me his entire forty years of merits gained from his austerities, the latter left me what Agathiyar calls a treasure in the form of Yogic practice. Now armed with these assets, I journeyed along with Agathiyar, continuing to guide us even after the demise of both my gurus in physical form. 

Agathiyar, who together with Tavayogi initiated me to carry out numerous tasks, today has let go of the hold on me and left me to be with myself, doing nothing. The journey has literally come to a still moment in time, devoid of any activity, puja, charity etc. I await to know my true purpose in coming here which he has promised to reveal. 

A WONDERFUL & UPLIFTING READ

Mrs Kogie Pillay has written a wonderful post at her https://aaksharawellness.blogspot.com/ She compares nature and man, who supposedly and arrogantly claims to be superior. She observes that "Trees go through a life cycle beginning as a seed, moving on to germination, seedling, sapling, mature tree, decline, and death or decay," and "Trees, plants, and greenery show extraordinary levels of resilience, regardless of exposure to favourable or unfavourable conditions. Depending on their location, physical structure, or exposure to threats, they use what they have to grow with health, adapt, survive, or thrive." 

She then poses the following question after observing nature at its best. 

This then begs the question: do they complain and how do they manage their existence effectively.  While it may appear unrealistic to compare the existence of flora to that of humans, would it be smart to ignore that much knowledge and wisdom can be gained from them.

She poses another question.

Our physiological structure, the manner in which we live, challenges, external factors, life purpose, threats etc differ vastly but given that we all fall within one macrocosm there must be similarities,  parallels, connections or relationships  we don’t recognise or give attention to, right?  Could intelligence be discerned from the humble tree which could potentially illumine the darkness we as humans grapple with on a daily basis? 

Our indoctrinated perception of being separate, different, incomparable, unique, superior or loftier than other creations limits us with a narrow keyhole perspective that obscures our mind from considering possibilities. The focus on characteristics that distinguish is problematic and obstructive.  Features such as shape, size, looks, colour, height, weight, physical and biological structure are perceptions of our outer self.  We must look deeper.  The ignorance of not expanding our vision  laterally and beyond, to grasp our likeness to everything surrounding us keeps us captured by maya, the master of illusion.  We perceive ourselves as different from  habitants in nature which diminishes the possibility of learning, acquiring insights or illumination from sources rich in knowledge and wisdom. 

What then can be drawn from the existence of entities in nature to enable us as humans to create, manage and live meaningfully, unaffected by the numerous common afflictions that bother us daily?

Having seen and studied "The Wisdom of Flora" and man's "Keyhole Perspective", she brings us to the "Four Qualities to Stretch our Thinking Beyond the Confines of the Human Mind".

She points to the need for us to have "Resilience". 

The development of resilience is probably one of the most important that should be prioritised by us.  Resilience can never be over developed and is the strength that enables one to experience life challenges with more hope, confidence and optimism, distinguishing one from those who struggle.  Life constantly throws challenges, trials and tribulations, hence strong resilience is essential to accept, understand, learn, realise and move on from adversities in a healthy manner.   Low levels of resilience tend to perpetuate feelings associated with giving up, losing hope and fearing new opportunities.  Resilience is a strong ace to ride the waves of life, embrace new experiences, dispel unfounded fear,  learn from previous disappointments and  approach daily life with more strength, faith and confidence.    Resilience naturally becomes eroded if one has experienced significant setbacks, challenges or disappointments over a long period.   However one can rise up from that by convincing oneself to see the upside of a situation.  Understandably not the easiest thing to do.  It is however useful to identify at least one positive aspect or benefit of a difficult situation each time they appear.  Over time and with sincere practice one builds confidence in challenging one’s challenge which reduces it’s  command over you.  Other strategies to build and nurture resilience include developing confidence, self-esteem, problem solving skills and managing a positive mindset.  Just as trees and plants use everything available to them to fight the odds to ensure growth or survival we should harness and draw from other skills to weather and manage difficult times as we encounter them.

Next is "Adaptability".

Adaptability emerges off the back of resilience.  The potency of resilience enables one to accept, adapt and achieve.  For us as humans, the ability to adapt ensures minimum disruption, finding new solutions, making quick changes,  ensuring survival or  accomplishing something when things may not have gone exactly as planned.  Adaptability ensures all is not lost when something beyond your control occurs.  It allows one to maintain self-control to think, process and find alternatives to achieve a good if not  better outcome.  

Next in line is "Perseverance". 

Consider if we had stopped persevering at the time of learning to walk, if we stopped trying because we fell ten or 20 times, would we be walking now?  Continuous efforts, practice and walking for years has made us good at it, similarly struggle and failure at the beginning should never be accepted with defeat but rather with strength, courage and confidence that whatever the challenge may be it can be won over.  

Finally the need for "Patience".

We tend to be driven by instant gratification, immediate responses, quick results, short term fulfilment and impulsive choices and decisions.  We must pause to examine the cost, loss and pitfalls of such choices.  Life teaches us that many things take as long as it takes and should not be manipulated.    Entities within nature understand this perfectly. 

FREE TO SOAR

Tavayogi once told me that a Siddha cannot be caged. He has to be free to soar. Agathiyar has left me free after giving me the tools and the practice, teaching and guiding me. Now I am free to pick up Sariyai and visit temples as and when I choose. I am free to take up Kriyai and perform puja and rituals as and when required. I am free to take up Yogam, and he tells me I shall know which, what, and when to do. I am freed from the old school of thought that has clamped my feet. I am not attached to any affiliate, associations, movements, centers, or bodies. Neither am I tied down to a particular religion, faith, or belief. He has left me to soar the skies. He did not have me depend on others, but instead, he connected me with the Prapanjam for all my needs. I need not go in search, but he brings me what is required for that moment. 

If in coming through my nephew in 2001, he passed me the Vasudeva mantra to help clear the knots, shackles and the obstacles and pave the way for me to meet my guru; If in the following year he revealed and had me work on my past Karma that marred my fate, and in charting a new destiny had be go on a pilgrimage to temples and as promised brought me to my very first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai in 2003; If he sent Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal to our shores and had him take me in as an intern in 2005 and teach me Yogam in 2007; If to acknowledge acceptance to his fold, he sent many youths over to watch and participate in my home puja beginning in 2013 and gave birth to Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM); If he brought us to do charity to open up our hearts and bring forth compassion from within through Amudha Surabhi; he had me wind all these up and brought the shutters down in 2019. Henceforth, it was a solo journey of solitude and quiet. He "crippled" me to restrict my movements and had me stay indoors unless it was called for. He had me take "magic" portions to initially clear and later strengthen the physical body to help it contain the energies to be awakened. Today, as I struggle with these energies, he has me learn to ignore the pain and discomfort. I understand that these are the moments where the soul that is embodied in the very cells within is trying to free itself and soar in the skies, merging with the Prapanjam. 

WHO IS A SIDDHA?

Death is all around us, but we choose to ignore it and look elsewhere. The moment a child is born and his or her birth is registered and a birth certificate is issued by the authorities, his or her death certificate is prepared by the "Higher Circles." It is said that we each come with a certain number of breaths that, once exhausted, we leave this body. The Siddhas, through several regimes and disciplines, are said to have transformed this body of gross matter and elements into subtler elements, hence prolonging their life span. But it is truly rare to come across one who has achieved this state in present times. We can only speak in awe and daydream.

Agathiyar, who called me to the worship of Siddhas through a Nadi reading, took me in as a candidate, sending Tavayogi to tutor me and later, upon the latter's demise, coming through other devotees, came personally to groom me. After making numerous offers in the past, asked if he should make me a guru and the very next minute retracted the offer, and instead said that he would make me a Siddha instead.

I am asking myself if I am Siddha material. Seeing all the videos purportedly of Siddhas, and reading all the books on them, I am nowhere close to them in any manner. I am not knowledgeable about the Siddhas except for what I have read. I am not knowledgeable about the mysteries of creation, the universe, and the world. I am not knowledgeable about the sciences that the Siddhas discovered and practiced. I have no achievements to my credit. I do not yet know my purpose in coming here. 

I would put the Siddhas to shame, for I have so many weaknesses and flaws. I would be a rotten apple in a bag of Siddhas. But yet Agathiyar has hope in me to make it, I suppose. So what do I then do? Nothing he says. I guess that only by doing nothing can he move the chess pieces and complete the game. Other wise it would be my show. Now it is entirely his show. 

So, who is a Siddha? Let us see what others have to say. A quick search on the net brings these up. 

• The Siddhar (Tamil (romanized) cittar, from Sanskrit siddha) in Tamil tradition is a perfected individual who has attained spiritual powers called siddhi. It means "one who is accomplished." It refers to perfected masters who have achieved a high degree of perfection of the intellect as well as liberation or enlightenment. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siddha)
• A perfected being. The siddha has worked out all past karma and freed himself from entanglement in the world of maya. (https://www.ananda.org/yogapedia/siddha/)
• Siddha is a Tamil word that may be translated to mean "perfected one" and refers to someone who is accomplished. (https://www.yogapedia.com/definition/5361/siddha)
• A siddha (Sanskrit: Meaning "one who is accomplished") refers to perfected spiritual masters who have transcended the ahamkara (ego, or I-maker) and transformed themselves into spiritual beings.(https://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Siddha)
• A siddha in Sanskrit means "one who is accomplished" and refers to perfected masters who according to Hindu belief have transcended the ahamkara (ego or I-maker), have subdued their minds to be subservient to their Awareness, and have transformed their bodies composed mainly of dense Rajo-tama gunas into a different kind of bodies dominated by sattva. This is usually accomplished only by persistent meditation over many lifetimes. A siddha has also been defined to refer to one who has attained a siddhi. The siddhis as paranormal abilities are considered emergent abilities of an individual who is on the path to siddhahood, and do not define a siddha, who is established in the Pranav - the Aum, which is the spiritual substrate of creation. The siddhi in its pure form means "the attainment of flawless identity with Reality (Brahman); perfection of Spirit." (https://www.bionity.com/en/encyclopedia/Siddha.html)

Every other article is written about the Siddhis that they performed. Videos also portray the present-day Siddhas performing Siddhis. Do the Siddhas' lives begin and end with performing Siddhis? Is that all there is to it? From https://sensitiveplanet.com/blogs/news/who-are-the-siddhas, we learn that there is more to it.

Siddhar Sages are the liberated mystical yogis who journey beyond ‘enlightenment’. In most cases, the enlightened beings went on to evolve into the final objective of yoga, and that was to merge into God in the physical form itself. These sages were called Siddhars. Many of these Siddhars maintained spiritual diaries and writings in the form of poetry from the time they actualized into discovering the divine with deeper meaning and the beginning of their yoga journey, while attaining enlightenment, and to the final state of transforming into light, merging with the Supreme. Yoga of Siddha tradition in South India meant the accomplishment of merging the body into the supreme light of the absolute, as attainments of the eight different dimensions of perfection. Each dimension of perfection is called a ‘siddhi’, and ‘siddhi’ is the miraculous powers that were acquired while practicing this path of yoga. Siddhars consider attainment of various siddhis as grace, which naturally flows into them through their yogic practices, and it was held sacred as the mark of the divine presence within themselves. 

Srinatha Raghavan of "Soulfully Yours" writes, "The Siddha sees without Seeing, Listens without Listening, Does without Doing, Is without Becoming." He shared the following story of Bhagavan Nityananda. 

A great Yogi once came visiting Baba, hearing about his fame and frame. The Yogi seeing the rotund frame of Bade Baba chuckled to himself, thinking what kind of Siddha is this, with a well fed stomach and a complacent face. The Yogi did not consider to pay his respects to Baba, instead went to the nearby choultry for an afternoon siesta, before he could proceed further in his pilgrimage. In the evening when he passed by Baba's residence, He was in for a rude shock. Bade Baba was no longer Bada (Big), for he was now slim and shrunk like a malnutritioned kid. The Yogi couldn't believe his eyes, for just a few hours ago, he saw Baba as a well fed "charlatan". He rushed to Baba and fell at his feet seeking forgiveness. Bade Baba thundered, "You fool! Who are you to judge me? Go now and abandon your false pride of accomplishment. Then all will be well!"

The Yogi with tears streaming down his eyes kissed the feet of Baba and went his way on the road to redemption.

Baba Nityananda was a Maha Siddha, the Ever Perfect One. Baba was a gigantic being in reality and had the power to increase (Mahima Siddhi) or reduce his physical frame (Anima Siddhi) at mere will. Bade Baba would be ever aware of everything in the Universe, despite being blissfully cut off from it. He was like the Universal Eye which sees everything, but captures nothing. For the rest of us, what we see, either we want to opine, possess or reject.

Srinatha continues,

Once a young Mother in a nearby village, was tending her sick child, who was burning with fever. As it was a rustic village, there were no Medical Doctors who could timely attend to the child. She was getting worried now as the child's temperature was rising steadily. When She could no longer think of anything, she cried out, "Nityananda Rakshaakara!" which means, "Protect us Nityananda!" This exult was not a hopeless plea, but a veritable command to the Universe itself to come to her aid, for was not Nityananda one with it?

As she exclaimed those heartfelt words, an Ayurvedic Doctor Vaid appeared at her door step from no where and said, "Is someone sick here?" She rushed to him and showed the way to her child, who was then successfully treated by the Vaid. As the temperature of the child began to normalize, the young Mother inquired of the Vaid, "Who sent you here?" The Vaid with a voice filled with emotion said, "While I was passing by your village, to go to Ganeshpuri, I heard someone say, Don't come here, instead go to that woman's home, as she needs you more than you need me!" Listening to the words of the Vaid, the Mother broke into tears of gratitude to Baba, who ever listens and obeys the loving pleas of his lovers.

Srinatha writes, 

On Aug 8 1961, Bhagavan Nityananda, the Maha Siddha, chose to drop his mortal coil to become one with the Infinite. He had postponed his final going a few times before, as he did not get the "permission" from the higher circles. Many times before he would sit motionlessly for days together, breath perfectly suspended and body like one dead, making people totally confused whether he was alive or dead. But in time, He would always come back to the normal plane of existence and continue with his work. But on that fateful day, something was different, for He whispered something inaudibly to someone invisibly present. He said, "They made a Stone come to life, then loved it as their own child, many taught it the secrets of Death & Life and then saw it become a Guide of Life, only to now bid farewell to it, as the Highest Truth of Eternal Life!"

Ah! Baba had summed up his entire spiritual sojourn beautifully in just one sentence - A Journey of Jiva to Siva! He gave up his body after that, never to occupy it again.

Srinatha says that "The transformation of a Jiva into Siva is the Siddha's Path." He writes further, 

"What's the difference between the Siddha Path and the rest?" questioned someone.

He replied, "Although the destination is the same, the Siddha Path is a point to point path, where there are seven stations to touch before you get down at the 8th. Unlike the other self driven paths, where one has to drive the vehicle oneself, steering clear of traffic, stopping now and then, getting tired and frustrated, here you simply hop on to the Guru's Metro Train and allow the Master to take you to the destination safely..."

He added, "The other paths can offer you many detours, but this one, takes you straight from one point to another in record time. Even if you wish to disembark in between, the doors wont open!"

The beauty of this path is the Siddha Master takes all the responsibility of the Novice, till he/she becomes a Siddha like the Master. The Siddha's Path, Is a Pathless Path, Because - He is the path, He is the one who walks, He is the one who observes, He is the Journey, He is the Destination, He is the Beginning, He is the End as well!

Srinatha says that a Siddha is "A Jiva perfected in Siva!"

Siva is a Jiva turned inside out, And the process of turning inside out, Is the Siddha's Path!

Siddhas are Human Beings, Who have realised their relation with the Absolute,

So they successfully drop their mortal identities, To wholly identify themselves with, Truth - Consciousness - Bliss, Siva!

But what have the Siddhas to say of themselves? Let us hear from the horse's mouth now. Agathiyar answers in simple terms through a Nadi revelation when Jnana Jhotiamma sat before him. Agathiyar reveals that "The Siddhas are a manifestation of Adhi Sivan, who is in all of us as light. He is a father figure to us. There are no differences between these energies that came forth from Adhi Sivan and the 18 Siddhas who came forth from Adhi Sivan too. The Siddhas, having merged with Adhi Sivan, hold this energy too. The intensity might vary, but it is all one. The manifestations of the divine energy that take various forms for its purposes are from the one source and finally merge into it once it serves its purpose. That source is Light or Jothi, or Sivan."

As for us who are lagging far behind in terms of practice and having a diminished soul power or Atma Balam, the Siddhas devised a simple but slow and gradual evolution of the soul. At the onset, the Siddhas bring us to a Nadi reading to make us understand the reason for taking birth. With this knowledge and understanding, that explains the relationship of birth with Karma or cause and its effects, we can now determine our lives as to where we want to head thenceforth, and manage it better, knowing the right from the wrong not from the sacred texts or scriptures or through others but through our own experiences, avoiding those acts, deeds, and doings that would bring us further away from our goal in achieving or reaching the one state of Adhi Sivam. We can then take a course that keeps us aloft and avoid falling into the dungeons of the dragons that await to swallow us up, foiling our bid to attain the highest stature of God himself. Towards this, the Siddhas begin to show us the way to salvation - their way, tested and proven to bring the desired results. They want us to engage in home and temple worship and acts of Dharma as in Sariyai. They want us to engage directly in performing and conducting rituals, as in Kriyai. They want us to take up asanas and pranayama as in Yogam. Finally, they shall lead us to Gnanam, a state highly revered by the Siddhas. For those who heed his words and follow him, he turns them into another Siddha. 

Agathiyar reveals how to identify the presence of Siddhas. Siddhas' language sounds like the chirping of birds. It's possible to see them if one keeps awake during the 3rd night or Jamam between the hours of 12.30 am till 3.00 am. So one is to give space, making sure not to lie on their path. Jnana Jothiamma, who visited us at AVM, revealed the next morning the presence of Siddhas, seeing them walking into my home and into the prayer room and later leaving the same way they came, all through the night.

Agathiyar continues that their presence is felt through the sense of smell - wonderful aromas linger in the air, and the sense of taste - through a wonderful taste of food served for the Gods (to be tasted after the 3rd night). I remember Tavayogi taking me into the jungles and caves and abodes of the Siddhas, pointing me to the breeze, specific aromas in the air, telling me that the Siddhas were showering us with flower petals and ushering us. 

Agathiyar explains who a Siddha is in Velayudham Karthikeyan Aiya's "Siththan Arul".

"Siddha is not one who closes his eyes and meditates, and there is no need to torture and torment the body to achieve the state of a Siddha. One only needs to think about the Lord, the Siddhas and the Munis, immaterial of whether the body is clean or otherwise. What is important is to pray towards them with a clear conscience and inner purity; he is a Siddha!" 

ACCEPTANCE

I wrote in the last post that I shall get further answers in the Satsanga session last Sunday in Lenggeng, Negeri Sembilan, organized by the new AVM. I had two questions that often arise: Should we help another or walk away? Another related question is: Should we follow the given teachings without question, or should we question every directive? The guest speaker, the young lawyer Nakkiran, amazed us with his knowledge of the Mahabharata and surprised us by revealing that it was a story that spanned nine generations. It is a wonder if someone could live till a hundred these days. 

The Mahabharatha,

It spans over eighteen chapters beginning with Adiparva and Sauti’s narration of the story in the assembly of Rishis and culminating with Yudhishthira’s final test and the return of the Pandavas to the spiritual world in the Swargarohana Parva. (Source: https://mahabharata.hk/en/introduction/)

Nakkiran quoted the Essence of the Gita, which is the Essence of Creation, and Mahabharata too, that explains it all.

எது நடந்ததோ , அது நன்றாகவே நடந்தது.

எது நடக்கிறதோ, அது நன்றாகவே நடக்கிறது.

எது நடக்க இருக்கிறதோ, அதுவும் நன்றாகவே நடக்கும்.

உன்னுடையது எதை இழந்தாய் எதற்காக நீ அழுகிறாய்?

எதை நீ கொண்டு வந்தாய்? அதை நீ இழப்பதற்கு.

எதை நீ படைதிருகிறாய், அது வீணாவதற்கு.

எதை நீ எடுத்துக் கொண்டாயோ, அது இங்கிருந்தே எடுக்கபட்டது.

எதை கொடுத்தாயோ, அது இங்கேயே கொடுக்கபட்டது.

எது இன்று உன்னுடையதோ, அது நாளை மற்றோருவருடையாகிறது.

மற்றொரு நாள் அது வேறோருவருடைதாகும்.

இந்த மாற்றம் உலக நியதியாகும்.

"இதுவே உலக நியதியும், எனது படைப்பின் சாராம்சமாகும்"

- பகவான் ஸ்ரீ கிருஷணர்

Whatever happened, it went well.

Whatever is happening, it is happening well.

Whatever is going to happen, it will happen well.

What did you lose of yours, that you're crying?

What did you bring (to this earth), that to lose?

What did you create? that to be wasted?

What you took, was taken from here.

What you give, was from here.

What is yours today, belongs to somebody else tomorrow.

Another day, it belong to someone else.

This change is constant in this Universe and the essence in my creation.

- Sri Krishna (Source:  https://kadilla-oosi.blogspot.com/2013/10/gita-essence.html)

Walking away from the event, I have come to accept "acceptance" that was repeatedly told in the scriptures, the gospels, the Nadi, and through the many stories that have come down to us. This is what Agathiyar and Tavayogi too had told us. Everything else will fall into place following our acceptance. Agathiyar once said there is no right and wrong. I did not understand then. Now it dawns on me, indeed, he is right. Something needs to take place for another thing to happen in the future. A pistol in the hands of a robber or criminal can take another life, while the same in the hands of a policeman can defend and save others' lives. A knife in the hands of a surgeon saves a patient, but in the hands of a distraught man or woman, it kills. What differentiates man from animal is the ability to savor pleasures, be it food or sex. When a fox steals a goose's eggs, we are not perturbed or disturbed, believing and accepting it as the wonder in nature, but when harm or danger comes to mankind, we take to the streets to voice out. The fault in the stars here is the bond that we create, which we find hard to let go of later. We are caught in a delusion and illusion as long as we are tied up in Maya, time, and space. 

Sadhu Om (Nadarajan), who had penned numerous songs carrying Bhagawan Ramana's teachings, describes his meeting with Bhagavan Ramana in an interview in "Arunachala Ramana". A couple of weeks after he laid his sight on Bhagavan Ramana, Sadhu Om went back to Ramanasramam to have the darshan of Bhagavan. He sat on a rock on Arunachala, composing poems on Bhagavan under the title, Vetkai [Divine longing]. After composing the 7th poem, he realised it was breakfast time, and he quickly went to the Ashram dining hall. He entered the dining hall and, seeing that Bhagavan was eating there, he hesitated to enter, but as he was invited by someone, he sat in front of Bhagavan and started eating. When Bhagavan finished his breakfast, he got up from the seat. Seeing this, Sadhu Om also got up, although he had not finished eating. Bhagavan looked at Sadhu Om and said, "Do what you came to do" வந்த வேலையைப் பார். Sadhu Om then sat down, but since he had gotten up while eating, he was reluctant to continue eating. Bhagavan, after washing his hands, was walking alongside the dining hall. Seeing that Sadhu Om was reluctant to eat, he repeated the words, வந்த வேலையைப் பார். Hearing these words, Sadhu Om started eating again. As Bhagavan went near the entrance and was about to pass over the threshold, Sadhu Om turned back and looked at Bhagavan. Bhagavan also looked at Sadhu Om and uttered the same words, வந்த வேலையைப் பார், for the third time in succession. Sadhu Om could not understand what Bhagawan meant and was reluctant to ask him. He dwelt on it long enough until one fine day it dawned on him that Bhagawan was asking him to look into his true purpose in coming here. "You are not this body. You are the Atma. You have come to realize this." “உடல் தாங்கி வந்திருக்கும் நீ இந்த உடலல்ல. ஆத்மா என்பதை உணர். அதற்காகத் தான் நீ வந்திருக்கிறாய். 

நடராஜன் என்பவர் முதன்முறை அண்ணாமலைக்கு வந்தபோது பகவான் ரமணரின் அருட்காட்சி கிடைத்தது. அதன் ஈர்ப்பினால் மறுமுறையும் அண்ணாமலைக்கு வந்தார். விடியற்காலையில் எழுந்தவர், மலை மேல் சென்று ஏகாந்தத்தில் திளைத்திருந்தார். அவ்வப்போது தோன்றிய உணர்வுகளை கவிதையாக எழுதிக் கொண்டிருந்தார். நேரம் போனதே தெரியவில்லை. ஏழு கவிதைகளை எழுதி முடித்த பின் தான் உணர்ந்தார், ஆச்ரமத்தில் காலை உணவுக்கான நேரம் கடந்து விட்டது என்பதை. உடனடியாக ஆச்ரமத்திற்கு விரைந்தார்.

அங்கே எல்லோரும் உணவு உண்டு விட்டு ஒருவர் பின் ஒருவராக வெளியே வந்து கொண்டிருந்தனர். அதனால் நடராஜன் தயக்கத்துடன் ஒதுங்கி நின்றார். அங்கிருந்தவர்களில் ஒருவர், “ஏன் இங்கேயே நிற்கிறீர்கள் உள்ளே இலை போடப்பட்டு உங்களுக்கு உணவு தயாராக இருக்கிறது.. பகவான் சாப்பிட்டுக் கொண்டிருக்கிறார். உள்ளே செல்லுங்கள்” என்றார்.

நடராஜன் உள்ளே சென்றார். பகவான் சாப்பிட்டுக் கொண்டிருந்தார். நடராஜனுக்கும் இலை போடப்பட்டிருந்தது. சாப்பிடுமாறு அங்குள்ளோர் வலியுறுத்தவே கூச்சத்துடன் அமர்ந்து உண்ண ஆரம்பித்தார். 

சிறிது நேரத்தில் உணவை உண்டு விட்டு கை சுத்தம் செய்வதற்காக பகவான் எழுந்தார்.

பகவான் எழுந்து நிற்கும்போது தாம் அமர்ந்திருப்பது சரியன்று என்று நினைத்தார் நடராஜன். அதே சமயம் இலையிலிருந்து எழுந்தால் மீண்டும் அமர்ந்து உண்பது நியதிப்படி சரியல்ல என்றும் எண்ணியதால் இருக்கையிலிருந்து சற்றே எழுந்திருப்பது போல் தன் உடலை உயர்த்தினார்.

அதைப் பார்த்த பகவான், “வந்த வேலையைப் பார்” என்று சொல்லி விட்டு நகர்ந்தார். "சாப்பிடுவதற்காக வந்த நீ சாப்பிடு. அதை விட்டு விட்டு இந்த மாதிரி எல்லாம் எழுந்து நின்று எனக்கு மரியாதை செய்ய வேண்டியதில்லை” என்று பகவான் சொன்னதாக உணர்ந்தார், நடராஜன். ஆகவே மீண்டும் சரியாக இலை முன் அமர்ந்து உண்ண ஆரம்பித்தார். அதே சமயம் பகவானையே பார்த்துக் கொண்டிருந்தார். சமையற்கூட வாசல் தாண்டிய பகவான் திரும்பி நடராஜனை உற்றுப் பார்த்தார். பின் மீண்டும், “வந்த வேலையைப் பார்” என்று சொல்லிவிட்டுப் படி இறங்கினார். 

நடராஜனுக்கு ஒரே திகைப்பு. பகவான் எதற்காக மீண்டும் அப்படிச் சொன்னார் என்பது தெரியாமல் குழம்பினார். “ஓ.. நாம் சாப்பிடுவதை விட்டு விட்டு பகவானை வேடிக்கை பார்த்துக் கொண்டிருக்கிறோம். அதைத் தான் பகவான் அப்படிச் சொல்கிறாரோ, ஒருவேளை கவிதை எழுதிக் கொண்டிருந்தோமே, அதைப் பாதியில் விட்டு விட்டு சாப்பிட ஓடி வந்து விட்டோம். அதைத் தான் சொல்கிறாரோ என நினைத்துக் குழம்பினார். பின் உணவை உண்டு விட்டு மீண்டும் மலைமேல் சென்று கவிதை எழுத ஆரம்பித்தார். 

மதியம் ஆச்ரமம் வந்தவர், உணவு உண்டு விட்டு பகவானின் ஹாலில் போய் அமர்ந்தார். அப்போது பகவான் இவரை மீண்டும் உற்றுப் பார்த்தார். பின் மறுபடியும், “வந்த வேலையைப் பார்” என்று சொன்னார்.

நடராஜனுக்கு ஒன்றுமே புரியவில்லை. பகவான் ஏன் சொன்னதையே திருப்பித் திருப்பிச் சொல்கிறார் என்பதும் தெரியவில்லை. பகவானிடம் விளக்கம் கேட்கவும் தயக்கமாக இருந்தது ஆகவே அதுபற்றிச் சிந்தித்து பேசாமல் அமர்ந்திருந்தார்.

"ஓ.. நாம் எதற்கு அருணாசலம் வந்தோம்? கவிதை எழுதவா? இல்லை அருணாசலரை தரிசிக்க. பகவானின் உபதேசம் பெற. அதை விடுத்து எதை எதையோ செய்கின்றாய் என்பதைத் தான் பகவான் “வந்த வேலையைப் பார்” என்று சொல்லி குறிப்பால் உணர்த்துகிறார் என்று நினைத்தார்.

சில நாட்கள் ஆச்ரமத்தில் தங்கினார். பின் தன் சொந்த ஊரான புன்னை நல்லூருக்குச் சென்றார். ஆனால் அங்கேயும் இருப்புக் கொள்ளவில்லை. “வந்த வேலையைப் பார்” என்ற குரல் அவருள் ஒலித்துக் கொண்டே இருந்தது தன் வேலையை விட்டு இட்டு ஆச்ரமத்துக்கே வருவதாக பகவானுக்குக் கடிதம் எழுதினார். ஆனால் பகவானின் சம்மதம் கிடைக்கவில்லை.

தினந்தோறும் தனிமையால் அமர்வார். தியானத்தில் ஆழ்வார். பகவானைப் பற்றிச் சிந்திப்பார்.

ஒருநாள் “வந்த வேலையைப் பார்” என்று பகவான் சொன்னதன் உண்மையான பொருள் அவருக்கு விளங்கியது. 

“உடல் தாங்கி வந்திருக்கும் நீ இந்த உடலல்ல. ஆத்மா என்பதை உணர். அதற்காகத் தான் நீ வந்திருக்கிறாய் என்பதைப் புரிந்து அந்த உண்மையில் நிலைத்திரு” என்பதையே பகவான் உபதேசமாகத் தனக்கு உணர்த்தினார் என்பது புரிந்தது. அதன்பின் தன் சொத்துக்களை எல்லாம் விற்று விட்டு ரமணாச்ரமம் வந்தார். பகவானின் அனுமதி பெற்றுத் துறவறம் பூண்டார். "சாது ஓம்” ஆனார். பகவானையே சரணடைந்து அருணாசலத்திலேயே வாழ்ந்து அங்கேயே நிறைவெய்தினார்.

I can never forget the Upadesa I got from my 3-year-old granddaughter, now 8 years old. As she was seated on the settee, rooted in the kids' series "Masha and the Bear," watching the episodes over and over again, I teased her, telling her that "I have seen this earlier." She turned to me and pointed her finger to a corner, telling me, "I am the one watching (that she doesn't mind seeing repeats), you go to your corner." I then went and stood in a corner. She said "Not there" and directed me to my desk, where I have my laptop. Then on another day, I came by as she stood in front of the television watching the same show. I told her the same dialogue. She was so stressed up that she turned to look up at me and said, "You take care of your life, and I shall take care of mine. "நீ உன் வாழ்க்கையை பார்; நான் என் வாழ்க்கையை பார்க்கிறேன்" I was taken aback by her choice of words, "Life" or வாழ்க்கை. I realized then that Agathiyar was telling me through her to do what I came for, just as Bhagawan Ramana told Sadhu Om "வந்த வேலையைப் பார்" and what Sri Krishna literally told Arjuna, too, at the battlefield when the latter was reluctant to take up arms against his family and mentors.

In the introduction to "God Talks With Arjuna - The Bhagavad Gita" by Sri Paramahansa Yogananda, published by Yogada Satsanga Society of India, 1999, we come across the following table that calls our attention to an entirely different aspect of the personalities in Mahabharata, that of the soul and matter.

Sadhu Om has written about acceptance in his many songs, too.

Sadhu Om dedicated his entire life to Bhagavan, spreading the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi. Sadhu Om never sought for himself any recognition or appreciation from the world. This was the message I got from Nakkiran's talk. 

“Your right is to work only, but never to its fruits; Let not the fruits of action be your motive, Nor let your attachment be to inaction.” - Bhagavad Chapter II, Verse 47 (Source: https://mahabharata.hk/en/introduction/)

Another message that brought me to tears was when Sri Krishna stands before the dying Karna. "What else do you want, when your very God comes before you asking what you desire?" It brought me to the moment when Agathiyar came through a devotee and asked each of us gathered that day what we wanted. Though they asked what was important and crucial to them that day, I had nothing to ask of God. Agathiyar surprised me asking the same and waited for me to answer. Not wanting to keep him waiting any further, I squeezed my tiny brain thinking what to ask. Finally, I thought that serving him as I did now would be a good idea, so I asked for more births to carry on this service. He asked me if that was what I wanted, just as Tavayogi would reply with another question. I knew then that that was not what I should ask for and remained silent. Agathiyar moved on to other matters. Later, I discussed this with Mahindren over the phone, and we both agreed that we should ask for Gnanam that Tavayogi always harped on and wanted us to attain. The next time he came, Agathiyar surprised me by telling me that I had asked for Gnanam. Apparently, he was eavesdropping on our conversation. He then told me that Gnanam was not gifted by him, but we have to work our way up to attain the state. We had to earn it. He explained that as we begin our internal travel, traveling through the Chakras, and finally reach the Sahasrara that was the state of Gnanam, Gnanam shall dawn on us. 

Poet and lyricist Vairamuthu expounds Gnana in simple terms. He tells us that the tip of the iceberg, Gnana, is to accept nature and its laws. 

I understood that Gnanam dawns when we come to terms and accept nature and its terms, ஞானத்தின் எல்லை எது வென்றால் இயர்கையை ஏற்றுக்கொள்வது. Nature tutors us daily, giving us its greatest wisdom, moment to moment but we are blind to it. இயற்க்கை நமக்கு அன்றாடம் போதித்துக் கொண்டிருக்கிறது. ஆனால் நாம் அதனை உணர்வதில்லை. 

Dattatreya is said to have considered the entire Universe and its creations as his teachers. He listed 24. 

Mother Earth taught him tolerance, patience, and forbearance; 

Water taught him to comfort others; 

Fire taught him not to be judgmental; 

Air taught him to be unfettered; 

Space taught him to be unattached; 

The Sun taught him to cheer up everyone; 

The Moon taught him to remain unaffected; 

The Ocean too taught him to remain unaffected; 

The Child taught him not to hold grudges; 

The Village Girl reminded him not to disturb others; 

The Arrow-maker taught him to focus on the work on hand and concentration; 

The Prostitute Pingala taught him dedication; 

The Butterfly touch him to be unattached; 

The Snake taught him to drop desires and ownership; 

The Python taught him to be flexible; 

The Dove taught him love and peace; 

The Fish taught him not to fall for temptation; 

The Honeybee taught him to labor; 

The Deer reminded him to be ever wary of people who exploit others; 

The Elephant taught him to remember; 

The Bumblebee reminded him not to hurt; 

The Eagle taught him not to hoard; 

The Spider taught him to remain free and unattached; and finally

The Wasp taught him intent and perseverance. 

(Source:  https://www.dollsofindia.com/library/dattatreya/.)

He "reached self-awareness by observing nature during his Sannyasi wanderings and treating these natural observations as his twenty-four teachers for each of them taught him something useful - such was his greatness and humility." With humility taking the center stage, our Ego dies a natural death. If I had been trashed numerous times by Agathiyar and Tavayogi, the Essence of the Gita wipes away the last remaining remnants and shadow of the Ego.

AWAITING THE ANSWERS

Again and again, I arrive at crossroads. Just as Yogi Ramsuratkumar says that there were days he felt he knew all, and at other times the opposite, I too observe that "they" break us each moment, breaking our understanding and hold on things, concepts, perspective, opinion, etc. For instance, the question often arises: Should we help another or walk away? 

Personally I was one who never gave a "damn" to what happened around me. I was in my own world, happy and contented as a child, teen, and youth. I followed what was taught and shown by my parents, took up these prayers in my bachelor's home, and continued my visits to temples in the surrounding area. Only when I began working and began to bond with others besides my family did I see the sufferings in their lives. This prompted me to question the nature of god, though I never doubted his existence. If all the texts spell out god as being compassionate and equate him to love, why was he putting them through the mill? My questions were placed on hold when Lord Siva came in a dream and asked me to do so, which turned out to be for some 14 long years, during which I dropped my prayers and temple visits. 

13 years later, in 2001, I received an initiation in a mysterious and uncalled-for manner in the comfort of my home, only to come to know later that it was orchestrated by Agathiyar, which would pave the way for me to meet my guru. A year later, I came to have a calling to see the Nadi and learn about my Karma, and finally gathered why all those who came along and I met in my short span of life back then in the 80's suffered. Bringing me to worship the Siddhas, Agathiyar later in 2013 brought several youths to my home that became Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM) to watch, participate, and carry out both puja and charity in the homes, temples, and streets. Compassion that I never knew I had in me began to germinate and grow through these events. Love expanded to include others, too. In 2019, he had me dissolve the group and halt all our activities, telling me that others would continue from there and had me go within. I now had to travel alone. Agathiyar told me that now I had another purpose that he would reveal later. If the Sariyai that I learned from my parents brought me into society, and the Kriyai that I learned from Tavayogi brought me into contact with many, the Yoga that I learned from Tavayogi, too, turned my attention inwards to the Self in me. The Gnana that I gained through traveling the path of Yoga and experiencing the transformation and changes within, and that Agathiyar came regularly to point out and explain, severed these contacts and isolated me, bringing me to walk alone further. Now I was often reminded to mind my own business and focus on my life and the purpose that was yet to be revealed. I was told that all was well and to let it be.

Now here is where I am at the crossroads. When I was "blind" to the outside world and heartless, I was at "peace" with myself. One would equate this to being selfish. Having me come in contact and learn about others' sufferings, I was questioning the injustice that god meted out. One would equate this to being concerned and caring. Then, in the 14 years that I was told to let go of all these questions, again, I was at peace with myself. I was back to being an empty vessel. After the calling in the Nadi, I knew the reasons for others' sufferings. Walking the path of the Siddhas, I was slowly filled with knowledge beyond the books and educated on the mysteries of life. If Sariyai introduced us to another world, that of Gods and Goddesses, Kriya bridged both worlds, the world of man and the divine. Yoga bridged the breath and the Prapanjam, often referred to as the world, the cosmos, and the universe. With the coming of Gnanam, we come to know that we are all connected in more than one way. Eventually, Agathiyar tells me that we were one. But if we were all connected, how could I turn a blind eye towards others' state of affairs? At the same time, we are told that they brought it on themselves with their actions and decisions they made, or that it was dealt to them by divine justice, or simply put, Karma. So, do I go back to showing my concern for others, extend a hand in helping them, and start all over again, or just watch from my seat without interfering? Do I go back to being a man or remain in a divine state sitting on my throne? Putting a question to a well-read friend and a lawyer in his twenties, if we should lend a hand and how much is enough, or adopt the stand of the Gnanis and stay away, he surprised me with his immense knowledge. He narrated the story of the confused Arjuna on the battlefield at Kurukshetra and how Sri Krishna counselled him on his duties. Being a Satriya, his duty was to fight, and so did Sri Krishna point it out to him. We are told about each having a purpose in coming here. So, how are we to know ours, since there is no clear delineation as in the past?

But this marksman and famed archer could not defeat the Yadavas in battle later in history. Now, Sri Krishna tells Arjuna that his skill was useful before, but not now. I realised then that a gift is only temporary and for a purpose. Once the purpose is seen through, it is done with. We cannot possibly summon it back. 

Another related question is: Should we follow the given teachings without question, or should we question every directive? Our elders lived in peace by upholding tradition and customs, carrying on the beliefs with faith and devotion. Though they suffered, they followed all the ways and means handed down to them by tradition and over the ages without question. These days, though we are encouraged to question every move and knowledge handed over to us, our lives seem to be in turmoil. 

I believe that I shall get further answers in tomorrow's Satsanga session in Lenggeng, Negeri Sembilan, organized by the new AVM. 

THE ONGOING RENOVATION

Agathiyar, coming through a devotee through a phone call sometime back, relayed a "warning" on the impending changes that were to take place within and prepared me ahead, asking me to get some herbal preparations from Palani. I reached out to the Peedham, but they disappointed me. A friend and Siddha physician I knew locally came to my assistance instead, providing it to me, adding that Agathiyar had told him to prepare it much earlier, and he had done so, not knowing to whom it would reach. He passed it on to me, telling me that he now knew that it was meant for me. Learning from him how he gathers and prepares these herbal medicines alone, I asked him why he did not take in a recruit and train him to assist. He replied that no one was keen to learn, but many came by wanting to market his products. That is the sad state of affairs. If the goose that lays the golden egg is no more, where would these marketing people turn to for the golden eggs?

What Agathiyar foresaw is happening. For months on end, I had a tightness and pain in my lower back, hips, and right buttock. I had learned to bear witness to it after going through this phase beginning in 2010, 2011, 2012, 2016, and 2018. I applied and consumed what I was told earlier. What is different now is that there is a tightness in the neck and shoulders too, and the left side of the face ached for a couple of days now, right till the gums, teeth, and eye sockets. Both arms ache while the hands become numb. The nerves are tight. I have been vomiting bile and phlegm and expelling wind. But throughout the pain and discomfort, there was a ray of hope - the flowering in the crown was going on and felt subtle. If I feared that there could be something medically wrong with me in the initial years of this "attack" back then, I guess I have become accustomed to it this time around. I know that Agathiyar shall take care of things. My life is in his hands. This is yet another phase that I need to go through. 

Agathiyar and Tavayogi have "beaten" me at every juncture so that I shall "shine". Right from the moment of the very first Nadi reading in 2002, where he trashed my joy and arrogance in thinking that I was special when he asked me to build a temple for him, he taught me to let go. When I met Tavayogi in 2005, where he stopped me from worshipping him when I touched his feet, and instead pointed to a pair of wooden sandals placed at the local Peedham that he had come to officiate, asking that I fall at the feet of Agathiyar, he taught me to let go. When I was rejoicing in having him come over to my home and thanking him as I sent him off, where he "blasted" me telling me that I was living in Maya, thinking that he was a holy man and instead, he told me to hold on to Agathiyar, he taught me to let go. When I was with him at his Kallar ashram a couple of months later, when a devotee showed him a Rudraksha bead, enquiring if he could wear it, where giving him the green light, he turned to me, telling me, "We do not need it" and immediately turning his attention to the nine gem-studded gold ring I wore on my finger, and enquiring about it, I knew that I had to drop that too, he taught me to let go. I dropped the Rasamani that I was wearing on me that instant, too. He taught me to let go. He "undressed" me and left me "naked". I had only Agathiyar as a "cover" now. Coming as a bronze statue in 2010, Agathiyar, on his part, had me pass him on to another devotee in 2023. He taught me to let go. Sending some youths over to my home in 2013 to watch and participate in my home puja, he wound it all up in 2019. He taught me to let go. 

If Tavayogi and Agathiyar had me learn to let go, seeing my disinterest to receive the gifts that he offered beginning with healing others, reading the Nadi, becoming a patron of a center, and a temple, Agathiyar tempted me with a position of a guru but retracted the offer immediately telling me he had something else for me. There is no end to the showering of his grace and gifts.

Finally, he tells me that I need to let him go too, for how else could we become one, he asks. With Tavayogi, according to Agathiyar, giving me a treasure in the form of Asanas and Pranayama techniques in 2007, that activated the dormant energies in me; with Supramania Swami of Tiruvanamalai giving me the merits of his 40-year austerities the same year; with Agathiyar coming to break the bund and release the energies that had stagnated in 2023, their grace showered on me, doing wonders. I am grateful to them. I wonder what I did to deserve their grace. Agathiyar has me do nothing these days. He tells me to witness the changes and transformation taking place, and share it with readers, the very obvious being that I am growing black hair at my age of 66. What else does he need to do to show us that transformation and changes are possible, he asks.

MUSIC HEALS

To those who are going through trying times, go help someone, and you will forget your worries. You will see then that your problems were not that big after all when compared with others, and come to terms with and accept them. You might even end up helping the other, which comes back to you as an aid from a stranger, opening the doors for you too.

Another option is to listen to good music. Listening to good music will have you thanking all those who brought it together.

MUSIC SURPASSES ALL

When man separates us apart using country, nation, region, language, belief, faith, and religion - music brings us together as in these performances.

SEEING THE LIGHT 2

The Nayanmars were an embodiment of humility. They referred to themselves not as god, son of god, nor saviour, but as a servant to the servant. We are all servants of god, but their humility took a dip even further when they regarded themselves as servants to all the devotees of god. I had nothing to ask for when Agathiyar asked all those who gathered around their wishes and came to me. But he was waiting. Not willing to have him wait any longer, I drove my mind to think of something. Eventually, I told him that I would like to take birth upon birth and serve him as I did in this birth. He immediately asked me if that was what I wanted, reminding me of how Tavayogi always replies to my answers with another question. I knew then that that was not what I should ask for. I am not alone in this journey of discovery. Another soul on another continent is concurrently going through internal changes, besides the changes that took place and changed her life. 

You told me many times to write but I had other professional constraints. You eventually wrote he wanted others to take up his work and share.  You and father worked tirelessly, unselfishly for years to grow and mentor us all. I have taken. I bow down. Thank you both. I will take it up aiya. I will begin his work. I will write. With yours and father's blessings...we will carry the torch. There is only 1 problem aiya...I  know nothing.

She, like Jnana Jothiamma, who shared with me her experiences, took up my suggestion, and since then, shares them on her blog at https://aaksharawellness.blogspot.com/

She writes to me later that, 

My journey was catalyzed by you. Appa says you and I will be doing swami's work not sure what he means. He says swami is with him and he's sooo happy about the blog. I wanted the blog to not just be about me and my journey. I would like people to read and examine their own so they learn something at the same time. Appa will guide them in doing so. Each person has experiences that is unique so we bring all that into a bigger system. We have to keep n open mind to that and not look for only what is within our own paradigm. That path is not cast in stone. That leaves room for vast diverse learning for us...a new stage in our journey...otherwise we may not realize that.

Speaking about pain and suffering in our daily lives and later bliss that comes as pain on the spiritual path, she wrote, 

Indeed Pain and suffering is very real aiya. I  can attest to that. Sorrow, grief, anguish. I had to experience it to understand it in others. Hence so many are seeking the light.

Was wondering if you had any strange aches and pains aiya..

Last 3-4 days had severe pain in the whole head, precisely in the crown chakra down the back of the head in line with both eyes and the 3rd eye. The left eye and left side of the face. Pain also down the back of the head into the neck and left shoulder. Activity at the top of the head felt like surgery. Much better today. 

Later, 

I have been feeling better than the previous week aiya. Symptoms have been much better but still alot of activity at the top of the head and strong energy pulses running mostly bottom feet upwards. That's been for a while but intensity feels stronger. Also strong 3rd eye activity. I am paying attention to the symptoms now although they are under control now I feel when I  pray or concentrate on some issues etc the symptoms can become alive or activated. We must chat about that aiya. I would like to understand that better. Also having much sleep disturbance very erratic. Waking at odd times...takes about 1-2 hours to fall asleep again. Also  night sweats although our nights are getting pretty cold with winter approaching.

Much later, 

Still lots of pain at the top of the head...swirling energy. Yesterday was intense. Pain down the back of the head, neck and shoulders. Lots of energy surges throughout the body often. More intense than before. Wish I  could understand all of it better to harness it more meaningfully. Guess I have to observe, document, experiment and decode by myself to ultimately "realise myself".  Am the researcher and the guinea pig. 

More,

Activity at the top of the head continues sometimes even while sleeping...can feel gentle swirling. Also feels exciting that something is happening.

Then, on 16 May 2025, Agathiyar has me translate and pass her a message from a devotee. Agathiyar speaks about the breath. He says that one needs to bring more Prana into the cells through the practice of Pranayama. He explains that each action of ours and its corresponding experiences are registered in these cells. For one who is keen to overcome these changes, he or she has to pick up the tool that is Pranayama. One has to separate these experiences and feed the burning fire within, thus cleansing the body. In doing so, the Pranayama within will be energized and bring forth certain chemical reactions. In these instances, one has to be focused and not be led astray by these happenings. With extreme activity in the third eye comes a cooling effect in the crown of the head. We are asked not to mind this but to focus on the breath. With the swirling of the Chakras, the body will become lethargic and weak. To correct this, one has to do Yoga practices both in the mornings and evenings. This will rid the inconveniences and discomfort in the body and with the internal cleansing, the Chakras will be pushed to higher levels. He adds that one has to be diligent and serious in doing these practices. 

ஒரு மனிதன் தன்னுடைய வாழ்நாளில் செய்யக்கூடிய அணைத்து செயல்களும், இந்த உடலில் ஒவ்வொரு அணுக்களிலும் பதிவு செய்யப்படுகிறது. அந்த செயல் பாட்டின் வினை பொருளாகத்தான் அவன் அனுபவங்களும் அமையக் கூடும். அதைக் கடக்க எண்ணுபவன், சில வித்தைகளைக் கையாள வேண்டும். அதாவது உடலில் உள்ள ஒவ்வொரு அணுக்களிலும் இருக்கக் கூடிய அனுபவ அலைகளைப் பிரித்து எடுத்து தீக்கு இரையாகி அதனைக் கொண்டே உடலைத் தூய்மை செய்தல் வேண்டும். இதைச் சித்தர் வழிமுறைகளைக் கொண்டே செய்யவல்லது தகுந்த ஒன்றாகும். உடலை ஒரு கருவியாக்கி சுவாச பயிற்சி மூலமாக ஒவ்வொரு அணுக்களிலும் ஊடுருவ வேண்டும். 

இதனை மேற்கொள்ளும்போது, உடலில் பிரதானமாக இருக்கக்கூடிய பிராண வாயு சீர் செய்யப் பட்டு சில திரவியங்களை உட்பத்திற்குள்ளாகும். அந்த தருணத்தில், மன அலைகள் சிதறாமல் ஒரு முக படுத்தி சுவாசத்தை ஒன்று திரட்டிக்கொண்டே இருக்கப் பழகிக்கொள்ள வேண்டும். 

கண் புருவ பூட்டில் பிராணாவாயுவின் அழுத்தம் காரணமாகவும் அதன் பிரதி பலனாக  சிரசில் குளிர்ச்சி உண்டாகுவதும் இயற்கையே. அதனைப் பொருட்படுத்தாமல் சுவாசத்திலே திளைத்திருத்தல் நல்ல பலனைத் தரும். 

சக்கரங்களின் சுழற்சி மிகுதியால் உடல் சற்று தொய்வுற்றே இருக்கும், அதனைச் சரி செய்யவே காலையும் மாலையும் யோகத்தில் ஈடுபட்டு வர, உடல் உபாதைகள் நீங்கி தூய்மை பெறவே சக்கரங்கள் மேல்நிலைக்குத் தள்ளப்படும். அதுவரை செய்யும் முயற்சிகளை ஊக்கத்தோடு செய்து வருக.

SEEING THE LIGHT 1

I guess there was some good in Agathiyar dissolving the AVM group and sending each on his way to explore the path further, giving them the tools, and bringing others to it. Just before that, after that, and in the years to come, if they had stayed, they would have been distancing themselves, seeing me in pain. Yes, it is a painful transformation, but Agathiyar had given me his promise that he would minimize the pain, knowing pretty well that I would not be able to take it. But having given me the courage to battle it, I am managing it with his grace. On the third consecutive day, the pain seems to have subsided, and I am back to being my normal self. Maybe it is too early to dismiss it. Among all the pain, the swirling in the crown of the head goes on. There seems to be aloneness even in the company of many. It is as if I am standing aloof and not enchanted, nor am I perturbed by the happenings and stories around me. We tend to take on the concerns of others and make them our purpose and mission. This is what I did, too. It needed a 27-year-old lawyer friend to point out this mistake to me. All the markers were there. I did not see it. I am grateful to him. This is how Agathiyar comes through many times to teach me a lesson. Besides giving me the intimate, customized bodily experiences I am going through, he teaches the science of life through others. It is quite comprehensive and balanced. I am grateful to Agathiyar. I guess if you are an open book and open to suggestions and new understanding, the Prapanjam fills you in. She comes in many forms as a tutor. 

Both arms are painful, and the hands are numb. Agathiyar had spoken about this and that blood flow will be impeded, but asked not to fear. Ramalinga Adigal sings that only god would know his pain. I guess the reason Agathiyar wants me to share my experiences is to point out that the journey is not all roses but one has to travel and walk on thorns too.

I return to what Jnana Jothiamma went through before me. I see similarities here.

By pain, I meant the Excruciating Pain I Experience sometimes in my CNS ( central nervous system...hip upwards), and sometimes PNS (Peripheral Nervous System....hip downwards,). When the former activates itself, giving me torment, the latter subsides and vice versa. Secondly, the bone marrow and the lubricants get evaporated, due to the excessive heat. I couldn't move an inch today. I cried to dad. When the pain becomes very intense, I started to cry. Immediately I get a very strong smell of Navapashanam. I know Bhogar has come and is there. My mind calmed immediately and the pain subsided a lot. I know the smell of that medicine, as I am taking it. Imagine if I did not have all these medicines.....omg... Agathiyan told me that since Murugan's energy is inside me..."A PRALAYAM IS BRING CREATED INSIDE YOU AND, THAT THE INTENSITY IS TOO HEAVY FOR YOU TO WITHSTAND, HENCE ALL THESE MEDICINES WE HAVE TO GIVE IT TO YOU."

She was freed the very moment she knew and understood what was taking place.

Dear Shan, My journey and connex with you and Agathiyan is truly Amazing. Everything seems to me like a Dream Floating by. Kallar was Agathiyan's CALL. Nattatreshwar Temple was Murugan's CALL. Vadallur was Valallar's CALL. Thiruvanamalai was SHIVA'S CALL. The Direct Experiences I had with the 'DIVINE" in all these places was on another plane. I could confirm this after my last visit to your place and the happening there. To Quote Mahi, "I think that room (Pooja room) was another Portal for those two hours OR Agathiyan must have erected Screens. Today all alone, as a human, me experiencing the real meaning. Well tell me now..how more Joyous can one's life's journey be but for Agathiyan. He heard me for six births and came to me now to give me total Salvation. Hoping to reach the DESTINATION SOON. My gift to the Supreme King is my Athman. Even that HE had cleansed it and purified it. He is the Donor and I was the Recipient. At the end of my Journey, when I meet the Almighty. THE KING OF KINGS AND THE LORD OF LORDS TAKES BACK WHAT HE GAVE. THE DONOR BECOMES THE RECIPIENT. THUS THE DONOR AND THE RECIPIENT BECOMES ONE. 

There is a Christmas Carol, about three wise men, who follow the star and go to meet the baby Jesus with Gifts. It goes thus...We, three kings of Orient, are, Bearing gifts we traverse afar, Fields and fountain, moors and Mountains, Following yonder Star. Oh! Oh ! Star of wonder, star of light, Star with royal beauties bright. Westward leading, still proceeding, Guide us to the Perfect 'LIGHT". When all these memories come to me now I start to cry as for me as a human, at this stage in life, have experienced all that they were singing and I was singing too, throughout my school days. I saw the 'STAR." I saw the LIGHT". I was singing about OUR FATHER ALL THESE YEARS. Pleasant memories which we will carry with us and cherish till the end. I wish during the last hours of my life on this Earth, we all meet and read all silly mad things that all I had written and you safely preserved it. Shan, you are VISHNU. (The Preserver) and have a HEARTY LAUGH ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. 

Shan...I feel this Jenam is over for me. That 8 hrs of Pooja At Nattatreshwar Temple.....12-7 pm.....is over once and for all. Never to come back. All I asked Agathiyan in February 2012 was to give me a chance to do a small Pooja at your place. HE GAVE ME THE ULTIMATE POOJA, ONE CAN EVER THINK OF WHEN ALL THE 18 SIDDHAS, AGATHIYAN, MURUGAN, DEVIS. What a sweet mother. So many memories I have of proximity with her. AND LORD NATARAJA, THE "UNIVERSAL CREATOR ALSO CAME, BLESSED US AND GAVE HIS DARSHAN. You were all there with me at that moment. DUNNO WHAT TO CONTINUE. AGATHIYAN MADE ME COMPLETE.

I think I haven't seen even a fraction of what she has gone through. Tavayogi, who said he had to go through much, told me that it had all come easily to me. Even Agathiyar, who knew that I could not withstand pain, told me that he would only deliver that much which I could bear. I am grateful to Agathiyar. 

Agathiyar, having given us all the experiences that our soul yearned to have and after throwing in several other experiences that he thought we should have too, eventually, in speaking about Maya, brings us to a state of enlightenment. Swami Rajarshi Muni, in his "Yoga, the Ultimate Attainment", Jaico Publishing House, 1995, spells it out.

Through the limiting powers of Brahman's illusion, the bound soul succumbs to Nescience. It then loses awareness of its oneness with Brahman and becomes entangled in the material trappings of Prakriti. Its encasement in the three layers of microcosm creates within it a desire to live and cling to its enveloping bodies. Then because of its ego principle and a lack of discriminative knowledge, it takes the unreal to be real. Thus due to its conditioned consciousness, an embodied soul helplessly comes into being again and again trapped within the cycle of births and death. 

It is the soul that truly has sight. It is surprising to see that even the blind can see during near-death experiences, hovering above the bed, as the medical team frantically tries to save them. The "I" in us blinds us. This journey brings us to see through the veil of illusion or Maya. 

REVISITING THE PURPOSE 2

When I used to frequent "FooKuang vegetarian fast food" restaurant to parcel my meals at times, the lady behind the counter and a cook too, would insist that I dine in at their premises whenever the food was served free on certain days. Today, when she asked me my age, she told me that food was free for all those 65 and above, including me. She invited me to drop in for all my meals. I was delighted that Prapanjam was giving back, for we had cooked and distributed food and groceries to the hungry, needy, and homeless under the charity arm of Agathiyar Vanam Malaysia (AVM), "Amudha Surabhi," before Agathiyar disbanded AVM. 

I may have failed in making every home an AVM, but I am not alone. The Siddhas who spoke about arriving at the state of Gnanam gave up on men and built temples for them to pursue their journey on the path of Bakti and arrive there someday. Ramalinga Adigal too, who built the Satya Gnana Sabai to school the Devas, seeing people were not ready for his revelations, turned it into a place of worship so that the public could continue their journey and arrive one fine day.

Just as Sir David Attenborough warning us that the world is moving towards a state beyond repair, citing human activity as driving up global temperatures, asked us to act now, men and society too are very much caught up in Maya, with the old trapped in practices, traditions, and customs, and both young and old caught up in gadgets and a small number addicted to drugs and liquor, that they have lost sight of their purpose here. I guess if most come to live their desires, likes, and wants, and some come to live out their past karma, there might be a handful who have come for a purpose. They either have found it or still are yet to know as I. 

Agathiyar seems to move the goal post each time I come to settle for what I thought was my purpose. In calling me to his path in my very first Nadi reading in 2002, he had asked for a temple for him, which he eventually told me in 2019 was a test. I guess I had passed the test as I did not move. It surely was not my purpose. Bringing me to carry out the fire ritual initiated by Tavayogi, which I did with much hesitation, Agathiyar later has me carry it out with dedication, telling me that I was not doing it to see personal gains but for the good of the Prapanjam. Though he wound up even this ritual later, just like he told me that I could take it up again if the need arises, telling me that the Siddhas themselves took it up so that Tavayogi could live for some time before they took him back to do their work in their realm, he had us carry it out at the peak of the insurgence of the Covid virus. 

Bringing strangers to my home, he came within to heal and counsel them, telling me to step back as no harm would come to me and my family, and that he was only using me and my venue. 

The promised Nadi for my use and that of others was shelved as I did not want it. 

As the Nadi readers left for India during the pandemic, Agathiyar and the deities began to come through devotees to continue to deliver their messages. 

Then they dropped the bombshell, telling us to sift through all that is purported to be from the Siddhas. 

So the goal post kept shifting each time we thought that we had arrived at the truth, only to discover the hidden hand of Maya in it. 

Agathiyar has given mankind their lives' purpose at the Tamil Sangam in a past era. Vashisht Vaid's post on his blog https://holysageagathiyar.com/ lists them as Agathiyar's 5 Tenets. Agathiyar spoke about humanity's purpose clearly, which he proposed that serve as the core purpose of human birth. He says that man has to first and foremost understand his purpose in taking birth. With his purpose known, he should come to thank the divine creator or energy that brought forth his birth (through consultation with the lunar forefathers and their angelic hierarchies that co-exist with us down here). He asks that we then thank all the caretakers, both seen and unseen, in the present and the past. There arises then an obligation on our part to "dutifully aid and help the ongoing evolution of all co-existing human beings." The final task is to extend this aid and help towards "the ongoing evolution of all co-existing beings and entities, existing upon the lower levels of the evolutionary ladder, dutifully supporting the manifested matrix or Prapanjam." 

My purpose here as revealed in a reading of the "Spiritual Numerology of Moses," or better known as the "Soul Contract Reading," seems to be in line with the 5 Tenets. I was asked to come out of my cocoon and take up my purpose as revealed. "Once you work through it all, you begin to manifest your soul purpose by helping and giving back to humanity". My purpose in coming here was to be a catalytic spiritual teacher. Agathiyar came to endorse this reading later and told me that he had to prepare me to fit the role. He asked how he was to depend on one person to do his work. He had to raise everyone to the state where they could carry out his work. To my surprise, Agathiyar said that as I had desired them, something I had no knowledge or memory of, as such, he had to fulfill my desire. Agathiyar, who had to prepare me for the role, asked that I accept all the trials and tribulations that would come my way and keep calm and peaceful. He asked that I do nothing, telling me that this itself was a test and a practice for the moment. 

Some time later, he threw in the question of whether he should make me a guru, but immediately told me "No" and that he had something planned for me. I figured that he had something up his sleeve for me. Taking up the suggestion from a friend to reset my goal or revisit my purpose, I guess instead of exerting my presence, I should, for now, learn to disappear.