SEEING THE LIGHT 1

I guess there was some good in Agathiyar dissolving the AVM group and sending each on his way to explore the path further, giving them the tools, and bringing others to it. Just before that, after that, and in the years to come, if they had stayed, they would have been distancing themselves, seeing me in pain. Yes, it is a painful transformation, but Agathiyar had given me his promise that he would minimize the pain, knowing pretty well that I would not be able to take it. But having given me the courage to battle it, I am managing it with his grace. On the third consecutive day, the pain seems to have subsided, and I am back to being my normal self. Maybe it is too early to dismiss it. Among all the pain, the swirling in the crown of the head goes on. There seems to be aloneness even in the company of many. It is as if I am standing aloof and not enchanted, nor am I perturbed by the happenings and stories around me. We tend to take on the concerns of others and make them our purpose and mission. This is what I did, too. It needed a 27-year-old lawyer friend to point out this mistake to me. All the markers were there. I did not see it. I am grateful to him. This is how Agathiyar comes through many times to teach me a lesson. Besides giving me the intimate, customized bodily experiences I am going through, he teaches the science of life through others. It is quite comprehensive and balanced. I am grateful to Agathiyar. I guess if you are an open book and open to suggestions and new understanding, the Prapanjam fills you in. She comes in many forms as a tutor. 

Both arms are painful, and the hands are numb. Agathiyar had spoken about this and that blood flow will be impeded, but asked not to fear. Ramalinga Adigal sings that only god would know his pain. I guess the reason Agathiyar wants me to share my experiences is to point out that the journey is not all roses but one has to travel and walk on thorns too.

I return to what Jnana Jothiamma went through before me. I see similarities here.

By pain, I meant the Excruciating Pain I Experience sometimes in my CNS ( central nervous system...hip upwards), and sometimes PNS (Peripheral Nervous System....hip downwards,). When the former activates itself, giving me torment, the latter subsides and vice versa. Secondly, the bone marrow and the lubricants get evaporated, due to the excessive heat. I couldn't move an inch today. I cried to dad. When the pain becomes very intense, I started to cry. Immediately I get a very strong smell of Navapashanam. I know Bhogar has come and is there. My mind calmed immediately and the pain subsided a lot. I know the smell of that medicine, as I am taking it. Imagine if I did not have all these medicines.....omg... Agathiyan told me that since Murugan's energy is inside me..."A PRALAYAM IS BRING CREATED INSIDE YOU AND, THAT THE INTENSITY IS TOO HEAVY FOR YOU TO WITHSTAND, HENCE ALL THESE MEDICINES WE HAVE TO GIVE IT TO YOU."

She was freed the very moment she knew and understood what was taking place.

Dear Shan, My journey and connex with you and Agathiyan is truly Amazing. Everything seems to me like a Dream Floating by. Kallar was Agathiyan's CALL. Nattatreshwar Temple was Murugan's CALL. Vadallur was Valallar's CALL. Thiruvanamalai was SHIVA'S CALL. The Direct Experiences I had with the 'DIVINE" in all these places was on another plane. I could confirm this after my last visit to your place and the happening there. To Quote Mahi, "I think that room (Pooja room) was another Portal for those two hours OR Agathiyan must have erected Screens. Today all alone, as a human, me experiencing the real meaning. Well tell me now..how more Joyous can one's life's journey be but for Agathiyan. He heard me for six births and came to me now to give me total Salvation. Hoping to reach the DESTINATION SOON. My gift to the Supreme King is my Athman. Even that HE had cleansed it and purified it. He is the Donor and I was the Recipient. At the end of my Journey, when I meet the Almighty. THE KING OF KINGS AND THE LORD OF LORDS TAKES BACK WHAT HE GAVE. THE DONOR BECOMES THE RECIPIENT. THUS THE DONOR AND THE RECIPIENT BECOMES ONE. 

There is a Christmas Carol, about three wise men, who follow the star and go to meet the baby Jesus with Gifts. It goes thus...We, three kings of Orient, are, Bearing gifts we traverse afar, Fields and fountain, moors and Mountains, Following yonder Star. Oh! Oh ! Star of wonder, star of light, Star with royal beauties bright. Westward leading, still proceeding, Guide us to the Perfect 'LIGHT". When all these memories come to me now I start to cry as for me as a human, at this stage in life, have experienced all that they were singing and I was singing too, throughout my school days. I saw the 'STAR." I saw the LIGHT". I was singing about OUR FATHER ALL THESE YEARS. Pleasant memories which we will carry with us and cherish till the end. I wish during the last hours of my life on this Earth, we all meet and read all silly mad things that all I had written and you safely preserved it. Shan, you are VISHNU. (The Preserver) and have a HEARTY LAUGH ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. 

Shan...I feel this Jenam is over for me. That 8 hrs of Pooja At Nattatreshwar Temple.....12-7 pm.....is over once and for all. Never to come back. All I asked Agathiyan in February 2012 was to give me a chance to do a small Pooja at your place. HE GAVE ME THE ULTIMATE POOJA, ONE CAN EVER THINK OF WHEN ALL THE 18 SIDDHAS, AGATHIYAN, MURUGAN, DEVIS. What a sweet mother. So many memories I have of proximity with her. AND LORD NATARAJA, THE "UNIVERSAL CREATOR ALSO CAME, BLESSED US AND GAVE HIS DARSHAN. You were all there with me at that moment. DUNNO WHAT TO CONTINUE. AGATHIYAN MADE ME COMPLETE.

I think I haven't seen even a fraction of what she has gone through. Tavayogi, who said he had to go through much, told me that it had all come easily to me. Even Agathiyar, who knew that I could not withstand pain, told me that he would only deliver that much which I could bear. I am grateful to Agathiyar. 

Agathiyar, having given us all the experiences that our soul yearned to have and after throwing in several other experiences that he thought we should have too, eventually, in speaking about Maya, brings us to a state of enlightenment. Swami Rajarshi Muni, in his "Yoga, the Ultimate Attainment", Jaico Publishing House, 1995, spells it out.

Through the limiting powers of Brahman's illusion, the bound soul succumbs to Nescience. It then loses awareness of its oneness with Brahman and becomes entangled in the material trappings of Prakriti. Its encasement in the three layers of microcosm creates within it a desire to live and cling to its enveloping bodies. Then because of its ego principle and a lack of discriminative knowledge, it takes the unreal to be real. Thus due to its conditioned consciousness, an embodied soul helplessly comes into being again and again trapped within the cycle of births and death. 

It is the soul that truly has sight. It is surprising to see that even the blind can see during near-death experiences, hovering above the bed, as the medical team frantically tries to save them. The "I" in us blinds us. This journey brings us to see through the veil of illusion or Maya.